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Aug 13 2013

Manage your penis.

Suzanne Moore advised men to follow 10 rules to manage their penises. All 10 rules are important. But 3 rules are more important than other rules. If men are unable to follow other rules, they must follow these 3 rules.

2) Do not neglect your penis. I am talking hygiene. Women are subjected to pharmacy aisles full of fresheners, wipes and sprays that encourage us to believe that without them our genital area is just a smelly, slimy mess, but there is no equivalent for men. Surely there is a gap in the market for products to encourage men to stay boxfresh under their boxers. And if they must encase themselves so prominently in Lycra and skinny jeans in this weather … something has to be done. Urgently.

5) Do not ever put your penis into someone who does not want this. Do not ever fool yourself that they really do. Even if they are drunk. Or you are married to them. This is rape. It is not difficult to know the difference between someone who is consenting to penetration and someone who isn’t. There is never any excuse. Ever.

10) Do not mistake your penis for your brain. The silly idea that men possess wicked willies and can’t help acting on impulse is surely rather insulting? If Freud is right and all women suffer from penis envy then all I can say is if I had one I would love, cherish it and put it only where desired. Is that so much to ask?

I am inviting everyone to add more rules for men to manage their penises. I am adding 5 rules: 1. If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, you must inform about it to your would-be partner. Be brave. 2. Correct your erectile dysfunction with available drugs (e.g. Sildenafil) before having sex. Don’t show your dysfunction to your partner. It may inhibit her sexual desire for you. 3. Never lie to your girlfriend about the size of your penis. If your penis is 3 or 4 inches long, tell her that it is 3 or 4 inches long, do not tell her that ‘it is like 9 or 10 inches long.’ It is not good to be caught red-handed later. You should not be considered a liar only because you are embarrassed telling the truth about the size of your penis. 4. You must not insist a woman to suck your penis when you have no intention to give her oral sex. It is not good to make your penis selfish. A selfish penis may end up being a loser. 5.If you have multiple sex partners, you should have blood tests every now and then to see whether you have any sexually transmitted disease. You must not infect any one with your disease. Be clean.

33 comments

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  1. 1
    javed

    Good tips….i am agree with you…..but i m allready followed there rules..:)

  2. 2
    Lofty

    11) Don’t let religious belief tell you what to do with your penis.
    12) Your cerebral brain can be stronger than your penile brain. Work on strengthening the first before using the second.

    1. 2.1
      Taslima Nasreen

      Very good suggestions, Lofty.

  3. 3
    bharat doshi

    After 40 + don’t sex in light your penis laugh.

  4. 4
    Sonali

    3)do not expect brazilian waxed genitals if you carry dense forest load.

    4)you can ask your gf’s breast size only after honestly confessing your peniz size.

    5)in an arranged marriage,while interviewing your prospective partner, come out clean if you suffer from erectile dysfunctioning .

    1. 4.1
      Taslima Nasreen

      Number 5 is the most important suggestion among all. Thanks.

  5. 5
    maudell

    Knock it off on women, knock it off on men, knock it off on trans*people and on other genders. It’s *not* funny.

    1. 5.1
      CWilson

      Although some people aren’t taking the topic seriously, I think it’s a good topic if you speak honestly.

      My rule for penises is that it’s not necessary to remove any part of them for hygiene or looks. The foreskin should stay.

      Also, size really isn’t important for most women; there is less difference in size between penises when they are erect. I’ve known men who only compare themselves to guys they see in the locker room who are flaccid, not realizing the smaller penis usually enlarges more.

      You’d think I would have accumulated more penis wisdom considering the length of my stay on this planet, but that’s about it!

  6. 6
    Trillion

    Another rule for penis:
    Penetrate in a girl’s ass. This will give you immense pleasure and also prevent the girl from getting pregnant.

  7. 7
    Crimbly

    Huh?

    I’ve literally just come from Ten Rules for Managing Your Vagina (http://freethoughtblogs.com/hetpat/2013/08/08/10-rules-for-managing-your-vagina/).

    Having fun coming up (hur hur) with other rules about what I should do with my penis?

  8. 8
    vivekanand chaturvedi

    get your penis severed medically or go for complete sex change if it feels you’ve no control on it as it doesn’t make any sense by keeping a biological gadget you don’t have control over.

  9. 9
    Lofty

    Masturbation does not lead to blindness or any other debilitating disease. Get on with it, man, it’s good for you.

  10. 10
    wtf

    Very good Taslima, I had yet to see anyone defend that misandric list, including feminists.

    You’re such a dumb fuck and hateful asshole, you’re the first person to defend that list and add on to it.

    1. 10.1
      Don Quijote

      Don’t use your penis as a brain.

  11. 11
    m

    It was our penises, my dear, that brought us to the moon. And back.

    1. 11.1
      imnotandrei

      Wow. I’ve heard about “a burning sensation down there”, but I did’t think it came from a solid rocket booster. ;)

  12. 12
    Birric Forcella

    @9

    That sounds like age discrimination. Age discrimination is just as bad as any discrimination.

    Greta Christina (I think) had in one of her blog posts an aside about research into looks discrimination. I presume people should not be discriminated on the basis of looks. That, of course, should also include discrimination in sexual matters.

    Now, age discrimination is mostly based on looks. Thus I hope that soon old people get the same chances as young ones. It’s only fair.

    At the moment age discrimination is the last refuge of creeps and hypocrites.

  13. 13
    Darryl

    I think your rules make sense. But I’m curious about rule number 4, that a man shouldn’t expect to receive oral sex unless he plans to reciprocate. I would take it a step further: just because you go down on her, that doesn’t mean she is obliged to go down on you. My wife and I worked that one out pretty early in marriage. I tried to tell her it was unfair of her not to go down on me when I do that for her. She pointed out, very logically, that I like performing oral sex and she doesn’t, so it wouldn’t be the same for her. I couldn’t refute that logic., so I stopped arguing for reciprocity.

  14. 14
    justsomeguy

    I have to disagree with you on some of the erectile dysfunction stuff. Sure, it’s good to be honest with potential partners. Sure, it’s important not to promise something you can’t deliver (as in, don’t promise penis-in-wherever sex if you have a reasonable expectation that you won’t be able to get it up when the time comes). But ED on its own isn’t a problem, and is nothing to be ashamed of. Which brings me to my own addition to the rules:

    You are more than your penis. You do not need your penis to function in order for the rest of you to function. It is not a personal failing on your part if your penis does not work the way you’d like it to or if it is not as big as you’d like it to be. You are not less of a person, or less of a man, if you are unable to achieve or maintain an erection.

  15. 15
    Trillion

    Another rules:

    Use all the three holes of a girl that can be penetrated by penis.

    Practice ATM.

    Collaborate with others to ensure there are multiple penises in a girl simultaneously.

    1. 15.1
      Taslima Nasreen

      Trillion, you are a filthy misogynist. I am giving you 24 hours time to apologize for your filthy comments. If you don’t do, I will delete your filthy messages.

      1. Trillion

        Why do you want to ban / delete my free thoughts?

        1. resident_alien

          You’re not thinking.You’re trolling.Now bugger off.

          1. Trillion

            Oh l just love to fuck girls the way I suggested and am hence no misogyny. I apologse if my comments have hurt anyone.

      2. sanjeev

        all the holes except nose and ear gave lots of pleasure to girls , did!t it

  16. 16
    villionnono

    Would you happen to know what to do if you can’t fit it into the toilet bowl but have to take a number 2? When one takes a number two it usually means number one happens too. So my choice is to push down in and.. it touches the inner bowl sides . One the most complicated spatial problems in male genital management. The erection is too strong to just hold it away from the sides and point it straight down.

  17. 17
    someguyoranother

    “1. If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, you must inform about it to your would-be partner. Be brave.”

    If it doesn’t hurt your performance and it’s just casual sex for example, why do you have to share?

    ” 2. Correct your erectile dysfunction with available drugs (e.g. Sildenafil) before having sex. Don’t show your dysfunction to your partner. It may inhibit her sexual desire for you.”

    If it can actually work via whatever means, why would she care if she sees it flaccid for a second?

    “3. Never lie to your girlfriend about the size of your penis. If your penis is 3 or 4 inches long, tell her that it is 3 or 4 inches long, do not tell her that ‘it is like 9 or 10 inches long.’ It is not good to be caught red-handed later.”

    Women (and men too I assume) can’t tell the difference between close measurements in that case so why would they actually care if the number is 100% accurate? Why does size matter that much and who would actually lie by over 200%, anyway? Lol.

    “4. You must not insist a woman to suck your penis when you have no intention to give her oral sex.”

    Reciprocation is good, no disagreement.

    “5.If you have multiple sex partners, you should have blood tests every now and then to see whether you have any sexually transmitted disease. You must not infect any one with your disease. Be clean. ”

    Sure, no disagreement here either.

    The ED and penis size points are a bit weird and I can’t understand the reasoning behind them. They also provide a good opportunity for random people to snark and actually forget the important issues like reciprocation and safe sex….

  18. 18
    dezn_98

    i laughed. good stuff.

  19. 19
    ThorGoLucky

    5 is the best-worded rape-opprobrium message I’ve seen, thanks.

  20. 20
    Mukhtar

    Most important Rule penitrate your whole huge penis in taslima nasrin’s ASS

  21. 21
    Good

    Never be ashamed of the size of your penis and do not allow any one to shame you because of the size of your penis. Any woman who prioritizes penis size is not worth your time.

  22. 22
    David Thomas

    How about some rules for vagina?
    Do not lie about whose child you are birthing.
    Do not covet they neighbor’s wife – yes this is for lesbians
    Do not lie about your history. If you have been serving the public as a prostitute, be honest about it.

  23. 23
    Greg Allan

    Ms Nasreen, you can have the same message as Ms Moore. The disposition of my penis has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is not your place to give me any instruction. You are nothing more than a pervert. Keep your filthy mind away from my genitals thankyou very much.

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