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How to not let demons possess you

I have been worried recently about televangelist Pat Robertson. He has been saying some sensible things about how Christians should give up on things that flatly contradict science, like a 6,000 year old Earth. It seemed like he was not his usual nutty self and I was wondering whether he was suffering from some form of illness that actually increased his rationality.

But my fears were allayed. In a recent episode of the ‘Ask Pat’ portion of his TV show where people come to him for advice in dealing with problems, he was asked by a viewer whether it was possible that demons could have taken possession because s/he had watched a horror film and then subsequently been involved in a car crash and felt that it was inexplicable otherwise.

Pat said that by watching pornography or shows about zombies and the like, you are essentially giving permission to Satan to invade your body.

The TV preacher pointed out that he doubted demons had caused the car crash in this case, but it was possible.

“A few years ago I heard about a teenage girl who was demon possessed, and people began to deal with the demon and try to cast it out,” he recalled. “And you know what the demon said? ‘I had permission.’ And the permission was granted when this child had gone to some double-X-rated movie, or whatever it was, and had allowed this thing to come into her.”

One learns such surprising things from Pat. I had no idea that demons had chats with people where they explained themselves. Pat also said that these demons ‘live around’ you waiting for an opportunity and that they looked for implicit permission before entering you but that you could get rid of them by asking them to leave.

Who knew that demons were so polite?

Comments

  1. busterggi says

    So, according to Pat, watching somthing about demons will cause demon possession?

    In that case the tens of thousands of preachers of various faiths who spiel on about demons every day must be the primary cause of demon possession among their faithful.

  2. invivoMark says

    Demons seem much nicer than God, who will control people’s lives, influence their decisions, harden their hearts, and consign them to an eternity of torture without first asking permission.

  3. raven says

    My natal xian sect wasn’t real big on demons. In fact, in a few decades I never heard a word about them. They had been sent to the same place as fairies, elves, leprechauns, and brownies.

    If they are going to believe in demons, they should check the garden for fairies, watch out for elves, and leave a saucer of milk out for the Brownies.

    PS I do know Brownies exist though. Every evening I leave a bowl of dry cat food out. It’s always gone in the morning. I’ve even seen it a few times. It’s gray, has four legs, and a long tail. Oddly enough, it looks a lot like a ..cat.

  4. says

    It’s gray, has four legs, and a long tail. Oddly enough, it looks a lot like a ..cat.

    Reminds me of the time, late one night, when I wound up petting a very confused opossum, having mistaken it for my grey cat. Fortunately, it didn’t bite me, but when I shone a light on it, we both departed quickly in opposite directions.

    Perhaps it was a demon-possum now that I think of it.

  5. Dunc says

    you could get rid of them by asking them to leave.

    Now you tell me… I guess I had this hole drilled in my skull for nothing.

  6. alanuk says

    The TV preacher pointed out that he doubted demons had caused…

    Was he there?

    “A few years ago I heard about a teenage girl who…

    Just hearsay; he definitely wasn’t there that time.

  7. nemistenem says

    During my short-lived “I’m a born again xtian” phase in college (ow, it hurts to say that), I hung with friends who told me of a story of a few years past when they ,as righteous teens, felt the presence of Satan in the house. It was very scary so they proceeded to cast the demons out of everything, themselves included, that they thought might be possessed. In the end, they finally exorcised the cat, it being the only thing left around that could have been possessed. Sorry, I don’t remember if that was successful, but I leave it up to all of you to decide. Sneaky beings, those demons.

  8. Menyambal --- making sambal a food group. says

    Demons nearly caused a car crash for me, one time. Somewhere in Wyoming I heard a radio preacher insisting that all UFO sightings were real, but it wasn’t aliens, it was demonic manifestations. I almost ran off the road.

  9. grumpyoldfart says

    Do real people send in those letters? I don’t think they do?

    I think they are written by the boys in the backroom who have bets with each other regarding who can get the most ludicrous letter read out to the boss during the program.

  10. Mano Singham says

    @grumpy,

    That used to be the suspicion about the more weird ‘Dear Abby’ and ‘Dear Ann’ letters too.

  11. Jockaira says

    Pat [Robertson] also said that these demons ‘live around’ you waiting for an opportunity and that they looked for implicit permission before entering you but that you could get rid of them by asking them to leave.
    .
    Who knew that demons were so polite?

    I’ve never heard of “polite demons”. Is that something like slang-slinging grammar nazis or self-effacing trolls? It is an article of Faith (there’s a nice concept) that demons are characteristically insensitive, rude, intrusive, and unwanted, sort of like bad smells, glad-handing politicians, proselytizing Christians, and mooching in-laws.
    .
    Faith itself, through the Bible tells us that God created the Devil who then conjured up imps, demons, trolls, ogres, and djinns who then staked out their own ‘hood in Hell complete with garishly-colored cabañas and hot slime on tap and hung out with each other at the smelliest sulfur pits. After a millennia or two the boredom of sippin’ slime and huffin’ sulfur got to them. Even practical jokes became stale, there’s only so many ways you can plant a cow-pie in someone’s face. Except for the djinns, they were eatin’ it up (to each his own).
    .
    So the Devil petitioned the Great One and after messin’ ‘roun’ with that Job dude, they cut a deal giving the Devil exclusive franchise rights to the soul of any human who requested the Devil or demons in his life. So far Robertson is correct but the deal says that the only way to get rid of devils and demons is to order them out invoking the name of the Nameless One, you know, Whatsisname!
    .
    Well, whatever floats your boat on the River Styx. Robertson forgot the most efficacious method of demon exorcism: atheism.
    .
    You see, God, just like devils and demons, needs an invite with an RSVP. At this point one might wonder why God and the Devil seem to be bound by the same rules. The Faithful Bible Bator will say “free-will, gotcha atheist!” But it’s simpler than that. Both God and the Devil are boogerman beliefs, up your nose with a garden hose!
    .
    No Belief=No God=No Devil=No Demons=It’s a Wonderful Life!

  12. rq says

    Menyambal @8

    demonic manifestations

    I read that as ‘domestic manifestations’ for some reason. I’m not sure what that means. Probably demons. Domestic ones.

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