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Sherlock in love

When you read classics like Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, A Study in Scarlet, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, and The Three Musketeers, I am sure the thought crosses your mind, “These books have great stories, excellent writing, and strong characters but there’s something missing. What they need to be really great are some explosive and graphic sex scenes.”

Well, Caity Weaver says that that deficiency has been corrected. A publisher by the name of Clandestine Classics is putting out new versions of these books (whose copyright has expired and are all in the public domain) that have such scenes added, on the assumption that the authors would have included them if the killjoy prudes of their times had not fettered them.

You can read descriptions of the updated classics here plus an excerpt from the improved Jane Eyre featuring a scene where Jane and Rochester really get to know each other.

Comments

  1. janicot says

    I’ve always wanted a Romance Novel version of the ‘The History of the Caliph Vathek’. The copy I have is too dark — it’s depressing to read.

  2. says

    Even reading Holmes as a teen I thought Holmes and Watson were partners in more than just detection. I’m curious as to whether they’re going to do Moby Dick.

  3. slc1 says

    That’s the way Limeys talk. In the English movie, The League of Gentlemen Nigel Patrick always calls Jack Hawkins “old darling”.

  4. Mr Ed says

    Scottplumer Moby Dick was my first thought too. Scarlet Letter as this would totally miss the point of the story and One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich because hey gulag sex.

  5. jaxkayaker says

    Spy magazine (or possibly National Lampoon, I can’t recall with certainty) did once do a sex themed spoof of Ivan Denisovich.

    I, for one, would like to see some Holmes/ Watson or Holmes/ Moriarty action.

  6. Francisco Bacopa says

    So, basically this is slash fiction. Can’t you read that for free online?

  7. Nomen Nescio says

    personally i’d be more favorable to them if they were adding zombies instead of sex scenes. after all, that worked for Pride and Prejudice, so i say let’s generalize the idea to other titles as well.

  8. TheVirginian says

    There’s so much sex/erotic material out there that adding it to classics is kind of pointless.
    But Holmes in the Great Zombie Invasion! Fantastic Idea! Would love to read that. (Holmes: “I have you now, Moriarity!” Moriarity: “Rrrrrrrr. Brraaaaainnnns …” Holmes: “I will shoot you through the heart if you don’t stop approaching me. And remember, I’m a top-notch boxer too!” Moriarity: “Rrrrrrrr. Brraaaaainnnns …” Holmes shoots Moriarity in the chest, then fires a second shot as his nemesis lurches toward him, arms outstretched. Puzzled, Holmes shoves his gun into his pocket, raises his fists and begins punching Moriarity in the face. Moriarity staggers back, but when Holmes steps in for an uppercut, which had always floored his opponents, Moriarity only staggers again, then grabs Holmes’ outstretched hand. Holmes screamed as his foe began eating his fingers. The screams grew louder as Moriarity worked his way up Holmes’ arm. They grew muffled only when Moriarity seized Holmes’ head and began gnawing on his face, pausing occasionally to shriek: “Brraaaaaiiiins!”

  9. TheVirginian says

    Yes! Missed that one. I do recall a book about Holmes and Watson in the Martian Invasion of the War of the Worlds. Did not get around to reading it. I presume if Sherlock could survive the Martians he could find a way to neutralize Moriarities’ zombies, but with zombies … you never know. Thanks.

  10. Uncle Glenny says

    I’m into rough stuff. I got off to Billy Budd,

    I guess Benjamin Britten did too. (Or Peter Pears.)

  11. Cluisanna says

    Ugh, what is it with sex scenes having to be added everywhere? Most of the time those scenes feel forced into the story (pun not intended) and I feel very awkward reading them – maybe that’s just me, but I’d buy books with the sex scenes removed if they existed! (No, I’m not a prude, I just don’t want to imagine characters that seem like friends to me having sex. It’s like imaginening your parents having sex.)

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