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May 05 2013

Sunday Funnies

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Painting the Church

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine………

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke.

“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”

19 comments

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  1. 1
    theignored

    That last joke is so old….

  2. 2
    wilsim

    Smokey MacGregor apparently wasn’t using safety equipment and subsequently hit his head very hard during his fall. He should immediately go to the hospital, get checked out and get treated for a concussion. He should probably also change his nickname to Dopey McGregor.

  3. 3
    Chris Rodda

    Hey … old, cheesy jokes and puns and stuff that people don’t get right away are staples of my “Sunday Funnies,” if you haven’t noticed yet! :-)

  4. 4
    david

    The paint joke would have been OK without the unnecessary ethnic insult.

  5. 5
    Chris Rodda

    Seriously? The “ethnic insult” thing again? C’mon … any joke in which someone is of a particular nationality is an “ethnic insult”? Please lighten up.

  6. 6
    Reginald Selkirk

    I liked the message in a bottle joke.

  7. 7
    david

    You don’t get it, do you? The conniving jew. The stingy scottsman. You seem to treat those as fair game for jokes. Where do you stop? About which ethinicity would you not tell a joke based on stereotype? Is there any ethnic stereotype that you would refuse to tell a joke about? If you have a line that you won’t cross, where is it?

    Can you provide a straight answer to those questions?

  8. 8
    Chris Rodda

    David … I have no intention of getting into having to answer serious questions about silly stuff that I post just for fun. Here’s an idea: How about you just stop reading my “Sunday Funnies” posts if you don’t like them? Problem solved.

  9. 9
    david

    I call out stereotype-based insults, prejudice, and lack of self-awareness when I see it.

    Posting ethnic slurs isn’t acceptable, whether you cover it in a joke or cover it in a white sheet.

    Stop doing it. Problem solved.

  10. 10
    Chris Rodda

    It’s my blog, and I’ll post what I want to, post what I want to, post what I want to …

    (My apologies to anyone who now has a tune stuck in their head that they can’t get rid of … LOL)

  11. 11
    had3

    Stingy Scotsman is a stereotype? Learn something new everyday.

  12. 12
    lochaber

    Apparently. I first heard of it a few years back, from a Scot who claimed he was true to the stereotype (although, he paid a decent wage, so…).

    Can’t remember the specifics, but have run across it a time or two since, and usually (if not always) from Scots.

    *shrugs*

  13. 13
    richardelguru

    As a sesqui-Scot,* let me assure David (who should be Welsh with that name) that being cannie wi’ yer bawbies is a compliment, not a slur.

    _________________________
    *… Sesqui-Scot” Ahh! the perils of the half-breed!
    I am clearly either a Scot and a half or an Englishman and a half, the logic being as follows:—
    Each of my parents insists, following ancient tradition, that one of their race is equal to any two of the other.
    Thus my composition is either:
     
     one half English plus one half Scottish times two, totalling 1.5
     
    or
      
     one half Scottish plus one half English times two, totalling 1.5
     
    Hence a Sesqui-Scot since that flows so much better than *Sesqui-Englishman.

  14. 14
    csrster

    He wisnae a _Scot_. He wis an _Aberdonian_.

  15. 15
    Chris Rodda

    @ had3 … I actually didn’t know that being stingy was a Scottish stereotype either when I posted the joke. I wasn’t even paying attention to it happening to be about a Scotsman; I just thought the punchline was funny.

  16. 16
    Nathair

    Case in point, Scotch tape .

  17. 17
    morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor

    The stereotype of the thrifty Scotsman probably dates as far back as the stereotype of the thrifty Jew. There is also wide disagreement as to the degree of insult, or not, that applies to its usage.

    My rollicking and insensitive mother used to often say in response to someone’s thrift, “There is nothing tighter than you between Scotland and Jerusalem.” it was a mild oath.

  18. 18
    morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor

    By the way Chris, I love your Sunday Funnies.

  19. 19
    quidam

    I actually didn’t know that being stingy was a Scottish stereotype either when I posted the joke

    You’re kidding? It’s a very old and widespread stereotype, dating back to 1817 when Aberdeen went bankrupt. The thrifty ‘Aberdonian’ stereotype that resulted gradually morphed to include Scotsmen in general and to be stingy rather than thrifty.

    I think that jokes can be funny without invoking insulting stereotypes such as the cheating Jew, thieving Welshman, stupid Irishman (or Polak, or Newfie depending on country)

    e.g. Two guys (Irishmen) were looking at a car to buy. Jack (Pat) asked Bubba (Mick) to check if the turn light was working. “Yes, it is. No, it isn’t. Yes, it is. No, it isn’t. Yes, it is. No, it isn’t. Yes, it is. No, it isn’t.”

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