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A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.”
The rabbi continues, “…and look at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, broken glass everywhere, but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely it is a sign. God wants us to drink this wine, give thanks, and celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the priest.
The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and offers the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The rabbi replies, “No…I think I’ll wait for the police.”
17 comments
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julian
December 23, 2012 at 9:18 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
*dies of laughter*
david
December 23, 2012 at 10:42 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The rabbi replies, “No…I think I’ll wait for the police.”
Really? The rabbi outsmarts the priest, pretends to befriend him, and then betrays him? Sorry. Not appropriate.
Synfandel
December 23, 2012 at 11:45 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh, harumph, david. Turn it around if you prefer it the other way. It’s a friggin’ joke.
penasquito
December 23, 2012 at 1:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Two old Jews are walking down to the deli for lunch. The pass the same Catholic church they walk by every day, and there’s a sign out front that says “Convert today and get $10″. Morty says, “I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go in there and become a Catholic.”
Abe says, “What are you talking about. You’re almost 80 years old, why become a Catholic all of a sudden?”
Morty says, “Wait for me, I’ll be right back.” He enters the church. He comes out a few minutes later and tells Abe, “Well, I’m a Catholic!” They continue walking.
After a while, Abe says, “Well, did you get the ten bucks?”
Morty says, “Is that all you people think about?”
david
December 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Good jewish jokes are about individuals, and illustrate deep insight about humanity. Bad jewish jokes re-inforce ignorant and hateful stereotypes that have fueled anti-semitic violence for centuries. You should be ashamed.
Chris Rodda
December 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Lighten up — it’s just a joke! The person who sent it to me is freakin’ Jewish! He thought it was hilarious, and so did I.
There’s a reason my Sunday posts are called “Sunday Funnies,” and not “Sunday Illustrations of Insight About Humanity with the Occasional Perceived Reinforcement of Ignorant and Hateful Stereotypes that Might Bother People who Take Things Too Damn Seriously.”
david
December 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I apologize for finding your humor offensive. Apparently it’s an OK joke, because some of your best friends, who are jewish, thought it funny. Listen to yourself.
Reginald Selkirk
December 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
David: fuck off.
kennypo65
December 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey David, let me know when it’s your birthday, because I have the perfect gift for you. I’m buying you a glass belly button. Since you insist on going through life with your head up your ass, you can at least see where you’re going.
Crudely Wrott
December 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Sunday Funnies are a treat I look forward to all week long, Chris. I’d bet at least a few other folks do also. Today I get a bonus chuckle from a whiner. (Who I am quite guiltlessly ignoring even as I write this.) =)
See ya next Sunday!
jasonfailes
December 23, 2012 at 10:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Even better, that’s not the version of the joke I first heard. In the other version, it was a young man and a young woman, the discussion is about how they’re fated to be together, and I think the woman tricks the man (Sexism! Women are devious!), or maybe the man tricks the woman (Sexism! Women are dumb!)
Or maybe the casting is completely irrelevant to the joke. Maybe all jokes should be about fictional species? A Dwarf and a Hobbit crash their giant birds into eachother…
Hercules Grytpype-Thynne
December 24, 2012 at 12:54 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
A nine-year-old boy comes home to find his mother in bed with a strange man. He sneaks into her closet to see what is happening. While he’s in there, his father comes home and his mother hides her lover in the same closet, not knowing that her son is already in there.
The boy says to the stranger, “Sure is dark in here.”
“Sure is,” the man replies.
“I have a new baseball,” the boy says. “Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks,” says the man.
“My father is just outside this closet,” says the boy.
“Okay, how much do you want for it?”
“$250.00.”
The man knows he’s stuck, so he buys the baseball.
The same thing happens again two weeks later.
“Sure is dark in here,” says the boy.
“Sure is,” replies the man,
“I have a new baseball glove.”
“Oh. How much are you asking?”
“$750.00.”
The man buys the glove.
The following Saturday the father says to his son, “Hey, son, why don’t we go out and play a game of catch with your new ball and glove?”
“We can’t,” replies the boy. “I sold them to a friend.”
“Oh, really? How much did you get for them?”
“$1,000.00.”
The man is perturbed. “Son, that’s way more than those things were worth. I’m afraid you cheated your friend. I’m going to have to take you to church and have you confess to the priest.”
They go the church and the father pushes his son into the confessional and closes the door behind him.
“Sure is dark in here,” the boy says.
“Now don’t start that again,” cries the priest.
EllenBeth Wachs
December 24, 2012 at 10:58 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Oh for Christ sake, I thought the Rabbi joke was a riot and my whole family are still practicing Jews.
mnjules
December 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Interesting that in a site called This Week in Christian Nationalism the joke is about a tricky rabbi.
I suppose the roles could have been reversed. Then the funny part would have been a priest driving around with a bottle of Mogen David.
Maybe it is just cultural. It does seem that whenever there is a joke with a rabbi a priest and or a minister, it is the rabbi that gets the punch line.
Chris Rodda
December 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey, mnjules … the rabbi has to get the punch line because we all know that the Jews control the entertainment industry! :::running for cover:::
John Hinkle
December 24, 2012 at 2:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What did the Jewish father say to his daughter when she wanted to borrow fifty dollars?
Forty dollars?! Whadaya wanna borrow thirty dollars for?!?
StevoR
December 27, 2012 at 7:30 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@ ^ John Hinkle : Ain’t that an old Scotsman joke?