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Aug 29 2011

Marines Forbidden to Fart in Afghanistan, But Can Toot Away at Evangelical Christian Concert

In a story that sounds like something from the Onion, it was reported last week that Marines are no longer allowed to emit audible farts in Afghanistan, as this is considered very offensive by the Afghan people. I actually thought this must be a joke when I first read it, but it was reported by the Military Times, so it’s apparently for real.

What immediately hit me was the incredible irony that the military is extremely worried about U.S. service members offending the Afghans with farts, but has done nothing to stop evangelical Christian service members and military contractors from attempting to proselytize Afghan Muslims, something that I would guess is far more offensive to these people than a little gas.

But there’s a second bit of irony that I just can’t resist getting in here. The same day that the Marine fart story broke, I got an email at MRFF reporting that a Marine Band is going to be performing at  a “God and Country” concert at Evangelical Baptist College in Florida. This is a college that actually has the following courses listed in its catalog:

EV 310. Evangelizing Catholics
EV 311. Evangelizing Muslims
EV 312. Evangelizing Hindus
EV 313. Evangelizing Buddhists
EV 314. Evengelizing Jews
EV 315. Evangelizing Animists
EV 316. Evangelizing Mormons
EV 317. Evangelizing Jehovah’s Witnesses
EV 318. Evangelizing Secular Humanists

MRFF will, of course, be dealing with the violation of regulations that this military band is going to be committing, but, since I’m off from MRFF this week to get some more work done on Volume 2 of Liars For Jesus, all I’m thinking about is the absurd irony that Marines can’t fart, but Marine bands can toot away to their heart’s content for Jesus!

 

 

13 comments

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  1. 1
    Pinky

    Flatulence is a foundation of freedom.

    How can our troops be at full combat readiness if they are bloated?

  2. 2
    onefuriousllama

    It frustrates me to no end! Why, WHY can these people not see the irony and stupidity? Gah.

    On another note, do they serve a lot of beans in the military?

  3. 3
    Non-Biblical Paul

    It’s just like what they tell you in boot camp: “You can give your soul to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!”

  4. 4
    b00ger

    Can we get info on these courses? I would like to know exactly how one evangelizes Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses. I imagine its just as difficult as evangelizing Secular Humanists. Perhaps those three should be 400 or 500 level courses. Also, I notice that they don’t even try with Scientologists.

  5. 5
    Daniel Schealler

    Would anyone else also love to see the lecture notes for EV 318?

    Or is it just me?

  6. 6
    cgauthier

    I guess someone who self-identified as an secular humanist could actually be “open-minded” enough to fall for some idiotic xian evangelism, but, personally, healthy skepticism seems to inoculate against proselytization 100%, barring mental illness or brain trauma. There doesn’t, in my mind, seem to be any coming back from the true understanding that naturalistic, stochastic processes can account for everything that is measurable in any meaningful way and that any deviance from that very well could be, and most likely is, a problem of perception/cognition. If Jesus Christ came out of the clouds and started blowing himself, or whatever miracle, my first reaction would be a visit to a psychiatrist, not a pastor.

  7. 7
    peterh

    So fundamentalist Christians aren’t the only ones who are not to be plagued by natural bodily processes!

  8. 8
    frackincracker

    +1 with Daniel — I’d love to see the class notes on this one, too. I bet it would be good for a laugh!

  9. 9
    kola

    Menn:) . . . . Its Good to know that the true churches of God are going to thier first love to save the human soul. . . . believe me you would never understand till you know the wrath of God of an eternity in the hell of fire . . .and also,athiest be prepared for God knows it is supernatural miracles you seek believe you me you would see many of them that would defile science and the human knowlege at large so that God would be glorified

  10. 10
    Aquaria

    On another note, do they serve a lot of beans in the military?

    Actually…

    At Ellsworth, the flight crews couldn’t eat beans if they were on alert, or scheduled to fly that day; the burgers at the chow hall were off-limits because they were a beef-soybean mix.

    My understanding from a guy whose stomach flu hit just after they hit altitude is that the pain of gas is excruciating at flight altitude for military aircraft.

  11. 11
    Aquaria

    Menn:) . . . . Its Good to know that the true churches of God are going to thier first love to save the human soul. . . . believe me you would never understand till you know the wrath of God of an eternity in the hell of fire . . .and also,athiest be prepared for God knows it is supernatural miracles you seek believe you me you would see many of them that would defile science and the human knowlege at large so that God would be glorified

    I do hope you’re being sarcastic.

    Because if you’re not, you can take your genocidal scumbag fantasies and shove them up your ass.

  12. 12
    Walton

    The comments on the original article at Marine Corps Times are depressingly full of racist and Islamophobic slurs. I hope the people making those comments aren’t serving personnel.

  13. 13
    Jennifer, Uppity Bitch and General Malcontent

    I spent five years in the Marine Corps as a bandsman, and I can assure you that it is a fairly regular practice for the bands to perform at overtly religious events, often at the request of chaplains. When we performed at a gathering of the local Baptist churches I tried to express my disgust to the chain of command and was immediately told to shut the fuck up because others weren’t complaining, so clearly it was fine. This is not particularly unusual. Thank you for having the backs of nonbelieving military personnel, or even personnel who just don’t want their faith and their service to mix.

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