Mentors

From my undergraduate mentors, I learned how to be an aggressive smart-ass. From my PhD mentor, I learned how to be an adult. From my post-doc mentor, I learned how to be a scientist. From my first faculty chair, I learned how to be a colleague.

What Kind of People Post “Who Cares?” Comments On Articles About Entertainers At Entertainment News Sites?????

So, I’m reading this article about Nikki Minaj and her former boyfriend at an entertainment news site. And then I go look at the comments to the article, and half of them are “Who cares!?!?!?” or “Why is this news!?!?!?!?” Do these fuckewittes not understand that they are reading a motherfucken article about entertainers on an entertainment news site? What kind of articles on an entertainment news site would count for these people as “news” that they should “care” about?

(Im)Perfect Rye Manhattan

Needed a motherfucken perfect Rye Manhattan, so checked out the larder. Got Templeton Rye, Dolin dry vermouth, and Angostura bitters, but no fucken sweet vermouth. Only sweet booze I got is some Feist ruby port. Checked with my go-to cocktail mavens, Doc Becca and Rob the Bartender, and they agreed that it was reasonable to sub a bit of port for the usual sweet vermouth.

Here’s the ingredients:

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Used three shots rye, one shot dry vermouth, half shot port, and a few drops of bitters.

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In the shaker with ice.

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Shaken and strained! Tastes fucken outstanding! The only thing missing is some goddamn cheeries!

Catte Shittio

PhysioCatte frequently jumps up onto the sink counter in the bathroom when someone goes in there, because he wants the faucet turned on so he can drink out of it. But only about half the time does he actually go ahead and drink after you turn it on. The other half, he looks at you for a few moments, and then jumps off the counter and saunters away without drinking.

I guess he’s implementing some sort of intermittent reinforcement regime on his people.

Public Opinion of Academics

Xykademiqz (fucken ridiculous blogge name, I know, but don’t blame the messenger) is wondering what we academics need to do to make the average American understand how awesome we are and that they should support us in our academic pursuits and not hate our guts with a burning passion:

I don’t know what it is that we can do to convince the public that we do an important job, that most of us would make considerably more in industry and that tenure is a way to attract talent, and that research at the US universities is an important economic engine [because we can’t speak of broadening people’s horizons (bad! blasphemy!) or instilling critical thinking skills]. We can’t say “Whatever, let people believe what they want,” because this public opinion is a base for squashing research funding. So we can’t stop trying to get through to the people around us about what we do and why it’s important. I just don’t know how to do it in a way that actually matters.

The big mistake here is thinking that the average American just needs more information, and if they understood what academics do and how “important” it is, they’d love us and want their kids to become academics. Sorry, but this is delusional. Americans are on the whole a hateful spiteful people, and they basically just hate everyone, because they hate themselves and their own lives, which mostly suck. The reason they hate academics isn’t because they give a fucke how much money we make or how hard we work or whether we are lazt or what we do is “important” versus “useless”. They hate academics because we mostly come across as not miserable and as enjoying our lives.

The average American hates anyone whom they perceive as less miserable as they are. This is why the Republican electoral strategy of (1) enact legislative policies that make the vast majority of people’s lives more miserable, (2) highlight convenient spite targets whose lives (at least supposedly) aren’t as miserable: Hollywood elites, welfare bucks eating steaks while driving cadillacs, academics, jews, gays, foreigners, etc, (3) run candidates who promise to fucke over those spite targets, and hard. The reason that gay pride parades are (well, at least used to be) so perfect for right-wingers is that LOOK HOW MUCH FUCKEN FUN EVERYONE IS HAVING.

(h/t to commenter “Andy Groves” at my blogge for pointing me to this excellent article, which explains in a lot more detail where this comes from. Interesting corollary to all of this is that if Democrats want to win elections both national and state-wide, they need to give Americans someone to hate. No one gives a shit about whether Democrats are going to “help” them. They need someone they perceive as less miserable than they are to hate and whom the Democrats will promise to fucke over. The most obvious target is the super-wealthy, of course. But the problem is they have all the fucken money to buy teevee ads, etc. Republicans have it easy, because they can promise to fucke over people who have no money.)

Fucken Google Assholes

The Google Android search app is pretty cool, because you can just swipe up from the home button, and boom!: a search box opens, the cursor is in it, your most recent search strings are listed below if you want to just click to repeat one, and your default keyboard is open and ready for you to type in a new search string.

With the latest update, these Google motherfuckers have fucked the thing up. Now when you open the Google app by swiping up, it displays some stupid fucken bullshittio urging you to activate Google Now (some fucken “push” garbage that’s supposed to “help you”, by displaying crappe that Google thinks is “relevant” to you: i.e. to sell your eyeballs to advertisers), and in order to start your search, you have to click in the search box to get the cursor in there and open your keyboard.

I get that Google wants to exhaust you into activating this motherfucken Google Now shittio, by making it an extra pain in the ass to just do your search. But still, fucke you Google.

If you uninstall updates of the Google app, it goes back to previous behavior. And oh yeah, the fucken Google app loads up much faster, too, probably because it’s not connecting to this Google Now shittio.

(Yeah, yeah. We’re the product, not the customers. Whatever. Still fucke you.)

Thanks, Google!!11!!11!!11!!!

Thanks! Your feedback helped us improve the Google Maps app.
Here’s what you told us:

  • The latest update made the colored lines indicating traffic dimmer and narrower than before. This makes them difficult to see and is terrible!!

With the help of your feedback, we’ve made traffic lines thicker so they’re easier to see. You don’t need to do anything to get the update.

If you have more feedback, please let us know.

Thank you,
The Google Maps team

Psychology Of Republican Filth Voters

What is it about overtly nasty vicious right-wing assholes like Ted Cruz that make them so appealing to republican base voters? It can’t possibly be “would you like to have a beer with me”, because nasty fuckers like Cruz are so vile and disgusting that who would ever want to voluntarily spend even a microsecond in their presence, so what is it? Does it come down to “Vote for me, because I’ll do everything in my power to fucke over the people you spend all your time seething with hatred against?”