Hilarious Google Shittio

So Google Calendar has this new thing where it automatically adds events you receive via Gmail to your calendar, like plane or train tickets or whatever. (It’s fucken horrible that they turned this new fucken thing on automatically, and make you opt out by going to your Google Calendar settings, but whatever.) When it added the first event to my Google Calendar, it also sent me an automated notification e-mail that it was doing so, and included a link to the help page describing this new function.

And Gmail sent the goddamn automated e-mail from Google to fucken SPAM:

Why is this message in Spam? It contains content that’s typically used in spam messages.

You’d think Gmail’s spam filters would recognize official automated e-mails sent by Google itself as not spam.

Shitte Coverage Of Space Shittio

The landing team at mission control in Darmstadt had to sweat through a tense seven-hour wait that began when Philae dropped from the agency’s Rosetta space probe as both it and the comet hurtled through space at 41,000 mph (66,000 kph).

The beer-gathering team down at the deli had to sweat through a tense several seconds that began when Gomer reached for a beer in the fridge as both Gomer and the beer HURTLED THROUGH SPACE AT 1,339,200 MPH!!!11!!11!!!11!!! (the velocity of our galaxy relative to the universe)

Gnocchi With Shrimp Cream Sauce

INGREDIENTS
1.5 pounds shrimp in the shell
500g package premade gnocchi (yeah, premade: fucke you)
half cup diced onion
salt
olive oil
half cup dry white wine
crushed red pepper flakes
fresh-ground black pepper
chopped tarragon
quarter cup heavy cream
teaspoon or so corn starch

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Shell and clean the shrimp, reserving the shells.

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Done.

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Premade gnocchi.

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Start the shells simmering in water while you do the rest.

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Sautee the shrimp until they are just barely cooked through, remove from the pan, and reserve.

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Throw in the diced onions and some black and red pepper, and sautee until the onions are turning translucent but are not caramelizing.

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Turn up the heat and deglaze with the wine.

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When the alcohol is reduced away, strain in the shrimp broth and continue to simmer.

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When it’s reduced down a bit, salt to taste, add the cream, and continue to simmer.

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Throw in some tarragon while it simmers.

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Throw the gnocchi in boiling salted water, and as soon as they float to the top, they’re done. This takes just a couple minutes.

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While the gnocchi are boiling, throw the shrimp into the sauce, and add a little corn starch to thicken, if desired. Fish the gnocchi out of the boiling water with a strainer dealiebobber, add to the sauce, and finish briefly with gentle mixing. (Don’t strain the gnocchi by dumping them into a colander, as they will stick together.)

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YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask Your Comradde: Letting Down Grandma

So, I have a mentor who has done a lot for me, and has taught me most of what I know about Musicke, who asked me to play in a special Concerte he is running. I agreed to play in the Concerte months ago, and I know it is a very important Thinge to him for his people to see/meet his Protegee after all these years. Meanwhile, recently, my grandma has asked me to go to a different Concert with her, and is trying to guilt me into it on the grounds that it is a special (and sad) anniversary for her. She is getting angry at me, and getting sad at me, and I would go with her, but for the thing which I have already agreed to do. I also do not enjoy her standard method of emotional manipulation. I do not want to go back on my word. Who do I lette downe?

You tell your grandma that it’s unfortunate that you won’t be able to attend the concert with her, but you have a previous professional committment that can’t be altered. And that’s the end of the discussion. If she keeps hectoring you, just keep repeating the same thing over and over. Eventually she’ll peter out, and over longer periods of time, she might even learn that when you decline an invitation, it’s not up for discussion.

Good luck at your concert!

Ask Your Comradde: Most Amazing Risotto

Our correspondent asks:

Ok… In my freezer I have 4 kinds of homemade stock–beef, chicken, duck, and lobster. Currently, they are all slated to be wonderful risotto at some point, thanks to your recipes.

If my non-tenure-track-job depended on me cooking the right thing for the department chair, and possibly a dean, should I go with risotto? If so, what kind? Nothing poisonous, mind you… Or should I cook it for the union rep? Or what?

Here’s what I would do. Use the lobster stock to make a very simple risotto with nothing in the sofritto but some shallots, adding a little bit of saffron when you deglaze with the wine (or use vermouth instead of white wine to make it even richer). Finish it with a modest amount of parmigiano reggiano.

Also make pan-seared scallops like this.

When everything is ready, plate the risotto in a wide shallow pasta bowl, arrange three or four scallops around the edge, serve it. And then at the table, drizzle a little teeny bit of cognac (or other sherry) on the risotto.