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Apr 04 2013

Adios, Motherfuckers

I’m going out of town this weekend. So any motherfuckers want to snivel or write multi-paragraph treatises about shittee in the comments, go ahead. But if you include eleventeen motherfucken links, the shitte is going to moderation, and I ain’t gonna see that shittee until next week. Capisce?

19 comments

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  1. 1
    James Kingsley

    Fuck off then…see if I care!

  2. 2
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    Oh, phew! I thought you were leaving. Which would be sad because I quite ike your shitte.. Except the mystifying ones that I assume to be about some sort of sports. And your epic fail Kung Pao Chicken recipe. But apart from that, it’s pretty good.

  3. 3
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    *like

  4. 4
    Tyrant

    Noooo, not to fucken patheosse!!!

  5. 5
    Trebuchet

    You misspelled “shitte”. “Shitee” sounds like it might be some sort of exotic food.

    Unlike Althea, I’ll confess I was rather hoping you were joining the recent exodus from FTB. But you already knew that.

  6. 6
    trucreep

    buh-huh-huh what does it all mean?!?! What are these extra consonants all about?! I NEED to know :[

  7. 7
    DaveUK

    Piss off CPP and enjoy your lame vacation

  8. 8
    wilsim

    Bring me back a fukken easy ghetto dinner idea

  9. 9
    potnia theron

    Partee Partee Partee!

  10. 10
    Maurice Smith

    JESUS LOVES YOU SO MUCH, AND HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU WILL JUST PUT YOUR FAITH IN HIM, TO TRUST HIM, REPENT FOR YOUR SINS AND COME TO THE LIGHT, YOU WILL, I REPEAT YOU WILL SEE THE SALVATION OF THE LORD… GOD WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT HE IS REAL AND THAT HE DID NOT INTEND FOR US TO BE LIVING DOWN HERE ON THE EARTH. THERE IS A SPIRITUAL WAR GOING ON OVER YOUR SOUL AND YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHO GETS IT… CHOOSE THIS DAY WHOM YOU WILL SERVE… FOR THE CUP THAT HOLDS THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE WORLD AND SIN IS NEARLY FULL, AND THE FATHER COULD RETURN AT ANY MOMENT… THE LORD WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT HE LOVES YOU, AND HE WANTS YOU TO LOVE HIM, BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT IF YOU LOVE HIM THEN YOU WILL NOT WANT TO SIN AGAINST HIM… THIS IS NO JOKE, THIS IS ACTUALLY THE TRUTH, AND THIS TRUTH IS TRUTH WITHIN ITSELF, THERE IS A GOD AND HE CAME DOWN HERE IN THE FORM OF A BABY BORN FROM A VIRGIN, WAS SINLESS, AND ON THE DAY OF HIS DEATH ANGUISH AND GRIEF WAS UPON HIM, 3 TIMES DID HE PRAY FOR THE FATHER TO TAKE AWAY THE CUP THAT HE HAD TO DRINK AWAY FROM HIM BEFORE HE COULD ACTUALLY CONTINUE ON WITH WHAT HE HAD TO DO… THE WEIGHT OF OUR SIN WAS SO GREAT HE HAD TO COME DOWN HERE AND RESCUE US FROM THE WRATH THAT WAS DUE US… HE HAS DONE PAID YOUR PRICE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE THAT HE DID IT AND YOU WILL BE SAVED… HE DIE FOR US, HE CAME, LIVED, DIED, WAS BURIED, AND ON THE 3 DAY AFTER DESCENDING DOWN INTO HELL AND TAKING BACK ALL THE SATAN TOOK, HE WHEN UP TO THE FATHER AND GOD SAT HIM AT HIS RIGHT SIDE, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT THE THING YOU SEE TAKING PLACE IN MOST CHURCHES NOW IS WITH GOD’S PRESENCE… IF IT BE THE LORD’S WILL FOR US TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, AND IF HE HAS COMPASSION AND MERCY AND SEES THAT WE REALLY NEED HIM, AND DECIDES NOT TO COME BACK IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES, I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY THIS PRAYER: ‘LORD JESUS, I UNDERSTAND NOW THAT THIS IS NOT THE LIVE THAT YOU INTENDED FOR ME TO STAY IN, BUT THAT YOU HAD ANOTHER PURPOSE FOR US, THIS WAS JUST TEMPORARY, FATHER, I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT I AM RIGHT WITH YOU BEFORE YOUR RETURN, AND BEFORE MY END REACHES ME… LORD, I CONFESS WITH MY MOUTH THAT YOU ARE THE KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS, THERE IS NO OTHER GOD OTHER THAN YOU, WE HAVE TRIED THEM, AND YOU KNOW AND HAVE FOUND THEM ONLY TO BE STATUES, NOT ABLE TO TALK, MOVE, OR EVEN SEE!!! WE WERE BLINDED BY OUR PRIDE, AND OUR SELFISHNESS, AND WE ASK YOU TO FORGIVE US AND COME AND LIVE IN US FATHER, WE CAN’T LIVE THIS LIFE, THE WAY WE ARE LIVING, WE CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS… THIS CAN’T BE ALL THAT YOU HAVE LEFT US WITH, THERE HAS TO BE MORE AND IT HAS TO BE THE MEANING OF EVERYTHING THAT WE SEE, IT’S NOT HERE BY CHANCE, BUT BY ORDER, AND INTELLIGENT DESIGN, THANK YOU FOR DYING FOR ME ON THE CROSS AND FOR COMING TO LIVE INSIDE OF ME, THAT I MAY HAVE ETERNAL LIFE WITH THE FATHER GOD, WHO IN HIS MAJESTY AND GLORY CREATED ME FROM THE SANDS OF THE EARTH, AND IN WHOM I REALLY BEING AND IN WHOM I REALLY BELONG TO… JESUS ACCEPT ME AS YOUR FRIEND, IN YOUR BELOVED PRESENCE, IT IS YOUR LIFE-CHANGING, UNEXPLAINABLE, UNCONDITIONAL, EVERLASTING AND ETERNAL NAME, JESUS, THAT I PRAY THIS PRAYER OF SALVATION… I’M NOT SATISFIED WITH WHERE I AM, AND I NEED YOU TO SHOW ME THE WAY… THE RIGHT WAY IN YOUR SPIRIT AND IN YOUR TRUTH, IN YOUR NAME JESUS I PRAY(SAY IT…) in JESUS NAME I PRAY, IN YOUR NAME I PRAY THIS AND BELIEVE IT, I’M STUCK AND I CAN’T AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO… PLEASE HELP ME, IN YOUR UNCHANGING AND LIFE- CHANGING NAME I PRAY …. AMEN…….. ” ‘ Don’t take my words about Him, try Him, try His ways, and see for yourself, who is really King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the blood of Jesus is Life-Giving, Unchanging, and SOOO supernatually powerful and Life changing, you can just experience it by calling on His name, don’t believe the devil, put your trust in Him, and join me and other believers… and help your brothers and sisters that may be locked up in a lie, or may be living the lie, and let them know that Jesus has a purpose for their lives, and that Jesus loves them… Go to a good bible- based church, hear the Word of the Lord speak to you, SEE THEM JUMP OFF THE PAGES AND SHOW YOU MORE ABOUT THE LORD AS YOU READ… And hey catch me on Facebook, I’d like to talk to you more about Jesus and some of all the things He did while he was on the earth, 2000+ years ago…. and tell you things that He has done for me, and why the Jewish people are important to God, why you are in a world filled with chaos and so much grief, Hey! You can find it in the bible… Hey! Remember that God loves… LOVES YOU every, every, and might I add, every, every, every much… until then, The LORD HAS BLESSED YOU, THE LORD HAS KEPT YOU, THE LORD HAS MADE HIS FACE TO SHINE UPON YOU, THE LORD HAS BEEN GRACIOUS TO YOU, THE LORD HAS RAISED HIS COUNTENANCE UPON YOU, AND HE HAS SHOWERED HIS PEACE UPON YOU, IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, THE FIRST BEGOTTEN OF THE DEAD, THE ONE WHO WAS, AND IS, AND IS TO COME; PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE, YESHUA… jESUS… May the Lord Jesus bless you and be with you, now and forevermore… and may you believe…

  11. 11
    Maurice Smith

    May God bless you all on this site…

  12. 12
    loquaxe

    And may God bless the departed weekend professor.

  13. 13
    slc1

    He, he, the fuckken Yankee fan’s fuckken Yankees are 1 and 4, losing again lat night. Fuckke the fuckken Yankees.

  14. 14
    Trebuchet

    @Maurice Smith: Wow! Surely the absente proffe has mette his matche. But what’s with the use of random lower case? That won’t get your point across. And you need some bolding, italics, and different font colors!

  15. 15
    Suido

    Maurice Smith sure fooled CPP. That’s no multi-paragraph treatise!

    I don’t want to look too closely, but is that entire first section of all caps a single sentence?

  16. 16
    fuckesatonne

    That depends whether you believe that ellipses serve as sentence-ending punctuation, Suido.

    I encourage you to explain further about all this jESUS stuff, Maurice! I don’t believe I’ve ever heard anything quite like it.

  17. 17
    loquaxe

    Maurice’s piece is quite a religious treatise. Had CPP not been an atheist Maurice would have uploaded The Summa Theologica from Saint Thomas of Aquino.

  18. 18
    Suido

    @fuckesatonne:

    I’m under the impression, though I can’t remember where/when I learnt it, that they shouldn’t. If ending a sentence with an ellipsis, I always use a full stop after a space … .

  19. 19
    superfragilstika

    have a nice weekend with your beloved ipad.

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