I dicked around on Google searching for how to change the default UI fonts and other appearances of Windows 8, and I figured it out! I went into a Windows 7 machine with a screen of indentical size and resolution and set everything set exactly how I wanted it, and then I exported the registry key [HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop\WindowMetrics]. This contains all of the settings of things like desktop icon and font size, program menu font size, title bar font, etc. (No fucken idea why all this shit is encoded in fucked uppe weird lists of hexadecimal numbers, instead of just normal text.) Then you can import this registry key into your Windows 8 machine, and VIOLIN!!