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Jan 02 2013

Now This Motherfucken iPad Has Me Seeeeeeeeriously Fucken Pissed

I want to print to my motherfucken goddamn sonofoafucken HP Laserjet 5MP, which just happens to be one of the best sonofagoddamn motherfucken laser printers ever made. And none of the stupid motherfucken goddamn printing apps for the iPad will print to it directly over WiFi. They recognize my little print server dealiebobber, but won’t print to it.

And yes, I know if I connect the printer to a motherfucken computer and install the print driver on that computer, then I can print to the sonofamothershitter. But I want to print to it directly, because fucke you, that’s why!!!

20 comments

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  1. 1
    neonsequitur

    Thank you for making buyer’s remorse fun, Comrade.

  2. 2
    slc1

    I have an HP 4MP and I can’t print to it at all from MAC OS 10.6 because the motherfuckken operating system doesn’t support AppleTalk.

  3. 3
    Shplane, Spess Alium

    That’s what you get for buying an Apple product.

    It’s your fault. SUFFER FOR THY SINS, INFIDEL

  4. 4
    Marcus Ranum

    Yeah, but it’s pretty, isn’t it?

  5. 5
    wilsim

    Doesn’t the Ipad have an HP app?

    Google does. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hp.eprint.ppl.client

    Free too.

    Trash that fukken pile and get a Nexus 7 or something. Read NearEearthObjects stooopid fukken prereview.

  6. 6
    ritapita

    I can’t recall exactly what the fuck I did, but when I set my laptop and printer up a few years ago, but I was able to install a driver and print via wifi from my MAC OS 10.6 to my HP printer. I may have downloaded the driver from the HP web site. In any case, HP printers are supposed to be MAC compatible. Good Luck!

  7. 7
    ritapita

    Arrgh….. should have proofed that comment better …..need more coffee. excuse the insertion of an extra ‘but’ in my last comment.

  8. 8
    stever

    Sounds like Apple is raising the wall around their garden again. If they’re not careful, the could find themselves in a prison of their own making while the rest of the world moves on to open standards.

  9. 9
    Floyd

    Cloud print if they have it can use a network printer when you use google chrome

  10. 10
    M31

    slc1, there is a workaround and you can use your 4MP to print with OSX 6.x. It involves figuring out the IP address of the printer and hooking it up directly with an ethernet cable. I had to change the address of the printer itself, which involves some serious digging around in menus on the front panel. I found a step by step guide online which I’ll try to refind.

    Oh, and I love my 5MP too, tiny and quiet and just wouldn’t die. I got mine more than 10 years ago from some other office in my university which was throwing it out it was so old (lol). I hooked it up to a Powerbook 3400 which had both the old apple printer connecter and ethernet, and then I used (OMG remember these things?) a Chooser program called “Laserwriter Bridge” or something to make it work. But 10.6 killed that since Appletalk is dead and no ethernet (and no possibility to upgrade) in the 5MP. Fortunately I had the 4MP sitting idle so I could use that. I’ve heard you can use the 5MP if you get an external print server like a JetDirect and they’re super cheap these days, but I haven’t done it.

    Oh, this is how old that 5MP was–I used to beam print jobs to it using IR (see that little red plastic square on the front) from across the room on my Newton. YEEEEARRRGH. Freak your office mates out, that will.

  11. 11
    M31

    Oh, I see that you already have a print server, Comradde PPrf, sorry. Well that sucks. Get a 4MP, then. You could print 11×17!

    I was hoping for another reason to use LaserWriter Bridge, just because, you know, holy shit, I’m still turned on by internal capital letters in words like the late 80′s computer slut that I am.

  12. 12
    M31

    Sorry, I’m an idiot. I was thinking of a 4MV, which has built in ethernet, and can be used with 10.6 and 7 via these instructions:

    https://discussions.apple.com/thread/2267630?start=0&tstart=0

    The 4MP I don’t know. If it can be fitted with a JetDIrect server card with ethernet then it probably will be similar to the 4MV, above. If not, Apple fails again by not supporting 20-year old products.

    Here’s an Apple discussion about the 4MP:

    https://discussions.apple.com/thread/2249466?start=15&tstart=0

    APPLETALK FOREVER!!!!!!

  13. 13
    usingreason

    Obviously you need to buy an iPrinter and an iRouter to make sure everything is compatible. You should also make sure you are using iCables and iElectricity for trouble free usage. If you want to make absolutely, 100% sure everything will always work together properly I would recommend purchasing a 2013 iHome, or you can wait till July and get an iHomeS; sorry everyone that already purchased the 2013 iHome, you’ll have to upgrade in 6 months.

  14. 14
    slc1

    Re M31 @ #12

    The MP4 doesn’t have an Ethernet card. One of the suggestions I have seen is using one of the USB to parallel cables adapters which were designed for the newer PCs that don’t come with a parallel port. However, looking at the experiences posted on several help forums by many folks who have tried this approach, it seems that it’s a hit or miss proposition. Some of them have been successful, others have not. The problem is that most of the manufacturers of these cables state categorically that they don’t support MACs so you are on your own. However, I did find one manufacturer, Sewell, who claims that their product is MAC compatible (at least up through 10.6X). Another problem is that it is not clear if 10.7 or 10.8 are compatible with the printer driver for the MP4.

  15. 15
    Chebag

    Is this blog sponsored by HP or something?

  16. 16
    slc1

    Re Chebag @ #15

    At least at one time, HP was the gold standard for laser printers. The 4M, 4MP, 5M, 5MP etc were built with battle ship construction and essentially last forever (my 4MP is 18 years old and still going strong). I suspect that the fucken Yankee fan’s MP5 is of a similar vintage.

  17. 17
    Meh

    Get a PC.

  18. 18
    slc1

    Re Meh @ #17

    I have a PC, a Dell 8250 which so far has required a replacement of the hard drive and a subsequent crash of the operating system. By the way, the newer PCs have dropped the parallel port so the USB to parallel cable/adapter is required to use a laser printer with no USB port. The success of this arrangement appears to be a little problematical according to some of the comments on online help sites with reports of problems with Vista, a piece of fucken shit operating system to start with.

  19. 19
    loquaxe

    no experience with apple products at all. i just got an ipod touch to use it for music, videos and as camera and was told that i can text friends, in wifi zone, for free. i hope it works ’cause most friends use iphone, ipad etc

  20. 20
    ruminant

    no experience with apple. i just got ipod touch for music, videos and as camera and was told i can text messaging for free if i am in wifi zone. i hope it works

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