Moby Dicke CHAPTER 7. The Chapel. »« Now This Motherfucken iPad Has Me Seeeeeeeeriously Fucken Pissed

Kung Pao Chicken

INGREDIENTS
one and a half pound chicken
1 tbsp corenwijn (or sherry or rye or some rich flavored fucken booze)
1 tbsp corn starch
fresh ground black pepper
salt
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp rice wine vinegar
1 tbsp corenwijn
2 tsp cornstarch
3 tbsp chicken stock
one can sliced water chestnuts
one can sliced bamboo shoots
some sliced scallions
a fuckeloade each diced ginger and garlic
light olive oil
some peanutes
some dried arbol chiles
half pound dried soba noodles

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Whisk 1 tbsp corenwijn, 1 tbsp cornstarch, salt, and pepper together, and then marinate the chicken (diced) in it for at least 30 minutes.

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Whisk together 2 tbsp soy sauce, 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar, 1 tbsp corenwijn, 2 tsp cornstarch, and three tbsp chicken stock and set aside. This is the finishing sauce.

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These are the vegetable components: one can sliced water chestnuts, one can sliced bamboo shoots, some sliced scallions, and a fuckeloade each diced ginger and garlic.

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Sautee peanuts and dried hot arbol chiles in light olive oil until they are toasty, then reserve.

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Sautee the garlic and ginger in the oil from the satueeing of the peanuts and peppers until they are getting soft.

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Throw in the chicken and sautee until it is just singed on the outside.

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Throw in the nuts, peppers, and other vegetables (EXCEPT THE SCALLIONS), and continue to sautee.

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Throw in the scallions, sautee briefly, and then deglaze with a nice splash of motherfucken corenwijn.

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While the shitte is cooking, boil the soba, and drain it.

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Give it another quick whisk, add the finishing sauce, and sautee until it thickens uppe and the shitte looks tasty.

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Put some goddamn noodles in bowls and spoon some fucken shittee on top. Then eat itte!!

Comments

  1. Chebag says

    Also, “sauté” simply does not do justice to cooking in a wok! Wokke the fucke out of that shitte!!!!! (And that shitteasse frenchified thing you are using is not wok. Fmmfs, a wok will run you all of $15, cheapskate)

  2. blindrobin says

    As this dish in it’s best incarnations is only Chinese-ish and not intended to be anything more than that what’s with all the grousing about equipment, ingredients and method?

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