Sep 04 2012

Reason Number Fiveteen Kajillion Fucktillion Not To Go Anywhere Near Faceshitte

From Dear Prudence (and yes, the advice she gives generally suckes shitte and is grossly het-cis-nuclear-family-infested):

Q. Crazy Sister-in-Law: My sister-in-law has created Facebook personalities for her two dogs and her cat. Her “animals” repeatedly friend request my son and my daughter, who are in their late teens. My kids don’t want to friend their aunt’s pets because when they have, in the past, she floods their walls with unintelligible “animal speak” posts about embarrassing childhood moments. My sister-in-law becomes upset when they won’t accept her friend requests and sends them several unhappy “animal speak” messages a day. My husband thinks our kids should humor his sister, but given her odd behavior, I don’t blame them for not wanting to accept her pets’ friend requests. I even feel the need to intervene on their behalf and explain to my sister-in-law that she’s alienating her niece and her nephew. What say you?

A: Your sister-in-law sounds a little off, so she needs sympathy. However, that should not mean that she’s allowed to harass her relatives. The kids may be tempted to send her an email that says, “Iz no accept puppies and kitty fwends.” But it would be best if your husband—or you if he won’t—just sent her an email explaining the kids limit their friends to their contemporaries and you all would appreciate if her “babies” stopped sending Facebook requests.


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  1. 1
    Forbidden Snowflake

    How is “your friends/relatives are morons” an argument against Facebook?

  2. 2

    Wouldn’t it be better to tell her she’s fuckenne insane and if she doesn’t keep a fuckenne lidde on it you’ll be seeking powerre of attorneyye? Seems like the logical approach to me.

  3. 3
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    Easiest no-offense solution: accept requests then hide.
    Easiest offense solution: reject requests and block.

    Facebook is a tool. Without it, annoying relatives would be annoying with different tools.

  4. 4
    Tessasaurus Regina, Queen of the Cretaceous

    I also don’t see how this is an point against Facebook. The only part of that which rankled was the “It would be best if your husband–or you if he won’t–just sent her an email…” Like the wife can’t do this on her own unless she’s already tried to cajole her husband into it, and only then if he doesn’t she should go behind his back all sneaky-like.


  5. 5
    Tessasaurus Regina, Queen of the Cretaceous

    Feh, **a point against…

  6. 6
    Kilian Hekhuis

    @Tessasaurus, “Like the wife can’t do this on her own”. Since it is her husband’s sister, it doesn’t seem that strange to first let the him take it up first.

  7. 7
    Steve R

    I don’t have a FB account, because I saw their business model early on: “Tell us EVERYTHING about yourself and your friends, so that we can package and index this information for sale to any spammer, scammer or snoop who will meet our price.” Why do so many otherwise sane people support a corporation that’s dedicated to the abolition of privacy?

  8. 8

    Well, apparently she’s not breeding, at least.

  9. 9
    Jacques Cuze

    Seems like reasonable advice to me.

    Hey FB is now up a buck from their low, so apparently this was very good advice from Prudence.

  10. 10

    There’s a “block” feature for a reason. Never been bothered by people I don’t want to engage with more than once.

  11. 11

    holy shit so she is on there all day writing fake animal messages?

  12. 12
    Shplane, Spess Alium

    The big reasons not to use Facebook are primarily about privacy. This is more a reason not to give inordinate priority to genetic relationships.

    The optimal thing to do is use Facebook because it’s a fairly easy way to keep track of people, but put in fake information. Mine says that I was born in Jamaica and all my recent profile pictures have been bears.

  13. 13
    Usernames are smart

    Mine says that I was born in Jamaica and all my recent profile pictures have been bears.—Shplane #12

    You were born in Jamaica? I was born in Jamaica! I also went to King Neptune High School – go fighting lungfishes!!!!!

  14. 14

    The optimal thing to do is use Facebook because it’s a fairly easy way to keep track of people, but put in fake information. Mine says that I was born in Jamaica and all my recent profile pictures have been bears.

    my dad used to do shit like that with market research surveys. He would fill them out weird (I make over 100,000 dollars, am a teacher, have less than a high school education, and have more than 8 children, etc). So few people value their privacy anymore that it seems unlikely to have made a dent…

  15. 15
    Isis the Scientist

    There are many better reasons why Facebook has jumped the shark.

  16. 16

    I just wanted to mention the Cowboys best the Giants.

  17. 17

    Re julian @ #16

    And Baltimore beat the fucken Yankees and they are now tied for first place. Thlis is the same Baltimore team that Dr. Physioproffe said would finish below .500.

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