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Monthly Archive: July 2012

Jul 31 2012

Diaper Cake Enthusiasts: The Gift Thatte Keeps On Giving

OMG, give me a fucking break! Why do people have to steal the joy from others. Diaper cake is causing you dumb asses to be like this then, you must have come from the place my parents come from that made me feel like trash when I had a menstruation and told me I was …

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Jul 29 2012

First Birthday Party Jungian Archetype

Push and push and push the birthday girl until she cracks, breaking down into an inconsolable crying fit covered in cupcake icing with a party hat on her head while everyone laughs at her.

Jul 28 2012

Reader Poll: Funyuns versus Wise Onion Rings

Twisty Faster enjoyed some Funyuns last night while watching some of the Olympics opening ceremonies. In the extruded onion-flavored rynge market space, Wise Onion Rings are much better than Funyuns. Whatever shitte they are made out of is ground finer, and so they have a lighter, less granular texture than Funyuns. Readers, what do you …

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Jul 24 2012

Dear On-Line Peer Review System Designer

If you attempt to force me to provide a reason for declining to peer review a manuscript/grant and you won’t allow me to click “Decline” on your Web form without providing a reason, then I am just going to say “fucke you”, close the Web page, and neither decline nor accept. And then when you …

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Jul 22 2012

GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKEN SON OF A FUCKEN FUCKE!!!!!!!!!

Jul 21 2012

Tour de France Time Trial Bikes

I see a lot of these dudes have non-circular chainwheels. I was under the impression that these things–which first appeared in the 1970s–had been debunked as failing to provide any advantage.

Jul 20 2012

REPOST: Constitutional Originalism, Natural Law, and The Ninth Amendment

Conservative legal theorists spend a lot of time talking about how the text of the Constitution should be construed only as it was understood at the time of the Founding and Ratification. Building on this idea, they rail against “judicial activism” and the “creation of new rights” that are not “found in the text” of …

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Jul 20 2012

Fucken Lazy European Fuckes

I can’t get any fucken European fuckers to agree to peer review any of the manuscripts I am editing because they are all gonna be on motherfucken vacation for the entire month of fucken August.

Jul 20 2012

Violent Eliminationist Right-Wing Rhetoric

Who will be surprised if (1) this dude turns out to have fed his violence and rage on eliminationist right-wing propaganda and (2) the sick anti-American purveyors of that propaganda claim that he was a “lone nutjob” and throw a thermonuclear hissy-fit if anyone points out the undeniable causal connection between that propaganda and the …

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Jul 19 2012

Degeneration Of The Elites

The elites of our society are fucken degenerate imbeciles. They are the socioeconomicopolitical equivalent of parasitic organisms who have lost through natural selection the biological functions required for living freely in complex difficult environments and have evolved into nothing more than mouths, intestines, and anuses.

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