Jul 03 2012

Republicans Are Greedy Vicious Delusional Toddlers

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The Republican party represents the organized political embodiment of a greedy vicious utterly self-absorbed delusional three-year-old who has absolutely no clue that his parents actually exert a huge amount of effort to create a safe, clean, enriching environment for him, and that without them, he’d be foraging for scraps in the garbage left at the curb and sleeping under parked cars in the street. All he perceives of his parents is that they are constantly stopping him from pulling the cat’s tail, masturbating in the front yard, and shitting on the neighbor’s porch.

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12 comments

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1

Improbable Joe

July 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Ooooohhhh… do libertarians next!
2

quentinlong

July 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

“Next”? This one covers big-L Libertarians quite nicely, methinks.
3

Kels

July 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

For libertarians, just add “and smokes dope”.

As someone more eloquent than me said, Conservative is not a political position, it’s a diagnosis.
4

post-ac

July 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Wait. It’s bad to masturbate in the front yard?
5

cgilder

July 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Speaking as the dictator over a 6, 3, and <1 year old, I'd have to say that I think Republicans are more like 6yos. They know just enough to think they are brilliant (how to read, tie their shoes, and ride a bike), but make the most short-sighted choices possible given their limited information. And then blame you when things all go horribly wrong.

3year olds are more like ferrets on meth.
6

blindrobin

July 3, 2012 at 6:09 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Well, accurately and succinctly stated.
7

F

July 3, 2012 at 6:19 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

post-ac

Depends on what the lawn needs in terms of fertilizer.
8

Kels

July 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Everyone knows you’re supposed to masturbate in the driveway.
9

BinJabreel

July 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Yeah, then you can just hose it off.
10

ik

July 4, 2012 at 12:06 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment

I wonder if it’s true that modern conservatives are way worse than those 30-60 years ago. If the Great Struggles of social justice were ignored in both cases, the older ones (from the distorted lens of time) seem even vaguely acceptable.

I did see this very interesting article by a conservative, against other conservatives: http://andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com/2012/07/the-first-elite-conservative-to-say-enough.html

Our Liberals are conservative, and failing. Our conservatives are actually radicals, and yet not of any named type of radicalism. Our actual liberals are either weak, a radical mess, or both.
11

joel

July 5, 2012 at 5:07 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment

As a former 3 year old, I do not find this attempt at invidious comparison amusing. Hey, try being 3 again, it’s not all a walk in the park.
12

fuckesatonne

July 5, 2012 at 6:37 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment

Yeah, I agree with Joel. CPP’s post gives 3 year olds a bad name. My own 3 year old (and I assume my own 3 year old self, although my parents might disagree) was mostly quite charming, unlike the current Republicon Party.