Comment Spam Poetry

Something about this comment spam was really very lyrically appealing to me:

Howdy are using WordPress on your web site program? Iam new to the blog globe however. Iam hoping to get began and set up my own. Furthermore, i heard about Drupal is ok. Sees my selection…. Educational publish, thank you.

Web Design Fuckewittes Sucke Fucken Asse

Computer screen aspect ratios are substantially wider than they used to be. Browsers have more fucken shitte at the top of the screen than they used to: tabs, toolbars, etc. Web pages have more fucken shitte at the top of the page than they used to: top-level navigation links, all kinds of fucken widgets, and other shitte.

And in light of this effective reduction of available vertical space on the screen, the fucken genius designers at Weather.com decided to *change* the design of their local weather pages from a really nice horizontal layout that allowed you to see a fucketonne of information without scrolling to a horrendous vertical layout that requires scrolling to see anything fucken useful. SO FUCKE YOU!!!!!!!!

Green Tomatillo Chile Pork Tacos

INGREDIENTS
three pound pork butt
two pounds tomatillos
five green chiles (dunno exactly what kind, but they aren’t real hot)
two habaneros
half a white onion
ten cloves garlic
salt
cilantro, chopped
queso fresco, crumbled
limes, wedged
savoy cabbage, chopped
corn tortillas (ours are from Tortilleria Nixtamal)

UPDATE: Forgot to add that I included two cups veal stock and a half cup dry white wine in the braising liquid.

Clean the tomatillos, peel the garlic, and cut the onion into large pieces, put on a baking pan, and put under the brolier.

While the shitte is broiling, clean and de-seed the chile peppers.

Chop a bunch of cilantro, removing most of the stems.

The shitte is done broiling, after about ten minutes.

Put the broiled shitte, chiles, cilantro, and salt to taste in a blender and blend the living fucke outte of ittee, salting to taste. Reserve some for garnishing the tacos and put the rest in the braising pot.

Here’s the beautiful three-pound boneless pork butt. I had the butcher trim most of the fat off, but you want to leave some. I told him not to bother tying it uppe, as it’ll cook more evenly and render out more fat untied, and you’re gonna shred the fucke outte of itte when itte’s done, anyway.

Braise the fucke outte of itte on the stove top on the lowest possible simmer, basting and turning every half hour. It’ll take a good four to four-and-a-half hours to finish, which is when it is literally falling apart, and a meat fork penetrates all the way through with almost no resistance.

Done! See all the dark green hydrophobic green pigments dissolved in the rendered fat? That is from the cilantro and green chiles.

Remove the meat and shred it.

Turn up the heat, and reduce the braising liquid by about half. Unless there is a huge amount of rendered fat, do not remove it.

Put the shredded meat back in the reduced liquid, mix well, and turn off the heat. The meat will immediately soak back uppe the rendered fat. And the longer you leave it soaking, the more of the braising liquid itself it will soak uppe. This shitte is even better reheated the next day after soaking in the fridge overnight, but fucke thatte! EATING NOW!

Warm the tortillas in a dry pan on medium high, arrange on plates, and dollop meat on them.

Garnish the motherfuckers with the condiments, and eat them! HOLY FUCKEOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucke Klout

If faceshitte and schitter are worse than driving nails through my dicke, dousing it in gasoline, and lighting it on fire, then klout is worse than me having ten dickes and simultaneously driving nails through each dicke, dousing them in gasoline, and lighting them on fire. How anyone could ever in a million years engage with this kind of abject horrifying shitte is beyond me, and whoever “invented” it should be shunned from decent society forever and forced to live in a deprecated subculture of vicious scum. Jeezus motherfucke.