Here’s an excerpt from Hardball host Chris Matthews talking about Barack Obama’s response to the pantie-bomber: My idea of a president, my idea of a mayor, a police chief is exactly the same. In fact, the job I‘ve always wanted was police commissioner of Philly, OK? I want to be the guy standing on the …

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Flozell Adams standing there with his hands on his hips looking at Tony Romo lying on the fucking ground with the ball and two Eagles on top of his fucking ass. UPDATE: Fuck.

God forbid the motherfucking President of the United States might have the unmitigated motherfucking gall to schedule the motherfucking State of the Union Address during some motherfucking teevee drivelshit. But thank motherfucking god, potential disaster has been averted: Good news for fans of ”Lost” — the president doesn’t plan to mess up the television show’s …

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Balance your food intake and caloric expenditure so that you dream about food every night. Done!

In speaking with pilots, flight attendents, and a few TSA personnel since the pantie-bomber incident, the consensus seems to be that the national-level reaction to this incident is *grossly* overblown. These people deal with air travel every fucking day, and they have a realistic sense for the magnitude of the already vanishingly small risk we …

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Some fucking douchebag walks backwards through the security checkpoint and you shut down an entire motherfucking airport???? SACK THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLES!!! WE FOUGHT AND BEAT THE MOTHERFUCKING BRITISH EMPIRE AND WE PISS OUR FUCKING PANTS EVERY TIME WE HEAR A LOUD NOISE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Instead of actually having discussions with my trainees, I am going to be the quarterback of my lab. FIFBTEEN!! THOOUDYTHRAWW!!! HHAAAYY! HHHUNNHHHAHH!!! SBBYTTT!!!! HAH! HAH! HNUUH! HIKE!!!

Do little children need to learn that farts are totally fucking hilarious, or is it a genetically determined innate neuronal control program?

One of the great things about being an academic is that you don’t have to actually take courses and study for exams to continue for the rest of your life regularly waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat from a nightmare in which you HAVE AN EXAM AND YOU FORGOT …

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Virile young athletes prancing around on teevee with bible verse citations drawn on their faces should be smote by the god of the israelites.