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Jul 15 2009

Insultingly Fucking Stupid Analogies For $1000

Uncertain Chad seems to have given up the ghost today, with one of the most insultingly fucking stupid analogies I have ever heard:

I am a fan of the New York Giants.

I believe that they can win every game they play. I hope that they will win every game that they play. I get emotionally involved in their games to such a degree that my heart pounds and I get short of breath when they face a critical play in the fourth quarter. I yell at the tv, though I know that they can’t hear me. When something goes wrong, I will punch things and curse. When they win, I will stay up late to watch highlights of a game I just watched.

{snipped out more wacky Giants fan crap}

There is absolutely no rational reason for any of this. But it’s something I do anyway, because it’s a part of who I am.

Does this make me less of a scientist (other than the decrease in productivity caused by blocking out several hours on 16-20 Sundays (plus the occasional Monday or Thursday) a year)? Have I somehow compromised my scientific objectivity by choosing to be so affected by the fortunes of one team playing what is (let’s face it) a pretty arbitrary and faintly ridiculous game? Is my ability to separate out what happens during the football season from what I do in my day job indicative of some sort of mental defect?

Or is this just one of those things that people do, that make us more interesting to talk to than robots?

Yeah, dude, being a Giants fan and obsessively rooting for your team is just like being a gibbering religious fuckwit who believes in miracles, jesus, praying, hell, and all kinds of other deranged bronze-age fantasy shit. How fucking stupid do you take people for?

GO EAGLES!

19 comments

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  1. 1
    LostMarbles

    I believe that they can win every game they play.

    Yeah, dude, being a Giants fan and obsessively rooting for your team is just like being a gibbering religious fuckwit who believes in miracles, jesus, praying, hell, and all kinds of other deranged bronze-age fantasy shit.

    I don’t know shit about your wacky American football, but the first statement sure as fuck implies a belief in miracles to me. Than again, gibbering sports fanatic puzzle me as much as gibbering religious fanatics :P

  2. 2
    bikemonkey

    Of COURSE! because if you don’t like football there is a good chance there is a jihad against you. well, we don’t call it “jihad” exactly but we do think you need a regime change to get away from that candy ass soccer shit you have the nerve to call “futbol” (as if). It is just not possible to have a country of which we approve unless you reject futbol for real football.

  3. 3
    Nat

    I think Chad’s dog was out chasing squirrels, and neglecting her editing duties.

    Cause she probably would have had the good sense to send it back to that blow hard with a note at the top saying, “This is a bigger pile of crap than the last time I got into the bowl of Hershey’s Kisses – REWRITE”

    GO PATS!

  4. 4
    Sciencewoman

    This is a religious beliefs analogy? Based on your excerpt alone, that went completely out of my head. My thought was that he was making a really lame analogy for why Sotomayor’s gender and ethnicity don’t make her a uniquely biased jurist. Still, really lame.

  5. 5
    Patchi

    Is he trying to reason with republicans to give Sotomayor a break?

  6. 6
    Narya

    Actually, shouldn’t it be “Iggles”?

  7. 7
    Onkel Bob

    You might like this. No, correct that, you’ll fucking love it. (H/t to The Poorman Institute.

  8. 8
    Fixer

    I’ve loved the New York Football Giants for 40 years, same with baseball’s Mets. I expect nothing less than both of them snatching defeat from the jaws of victory every year. I would, however, like to sample some of the drugs this guy is taking. It might make getting through a season a little easier.

  9. 9
    Joel

    When I watch football, I am amused by how quickly and easily I develop tribalistic beliefs about the evil maliciousness of the other team, conspiracy theories about how the media and the other team are playing for the other side as well, and superstitions about how my watching the game is actually changing the result.

  10. 10
    TomJoe

    Fixer: What’s wrong with you? If you’re a Mets fan, you MUST be a Jets fan as well. Only Wankee fans (i.e., front runners) are Giants fans.

    Physioprof: Eagles? Heh. That explains a lot!

    J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!

  11. 11
    AJ Milne

    Or is this just one of those things that people do, that make us more interesting to talk to than robots?

    Well, not that this isn’t exactly the point, but that ending doesn’t really take it home for me…

    I mean, let me get this straight: the choice is to be between talking to a fanatical sports fan or a robot? And we’re to consider which is more interesting?

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be talking to my Roomba.

  12. 12
    Larry H.

    In what sense is it the least bit irrational to believe a fact? It is just as much an observable fact of the world to introspectively believe that you really really like the Giants as it is to believe that when drop a rock from you observe it reaching the ground in a specific amount of time. Note that in the latter case, you do not need to know the laws of motion, acceleration or gravity to make the observation. In other words, there is no “rational justification” for believing any observation other than the fact you actually observed it.

    Preferences and desires are facts about our minds (i.e. brains), facts directly available to observation.

    I do not buy for a second that you believe actual truth claims about the Giants that are insupportable or contradictory to scientific inquiry. You want them to win, you hope they win, they could win, but you would not even bet even ten dollars against my dollar that the Giants will in fact win every game next season, as you would if you sincerely believed as a matter of truth win every game.

    If you did, I would say that yes, such beliefs does make you less of a scientist, in just the same sense that I’m suspicious on a Monday of someone who claims he steals only Sunday.

    The atheist (and “New Atheist”) critique of religion is not that it’s a set of preferences or opinions: it’s just not irrational to have opinions and preferences.

    The critique is twofold: first that the specific preferences and opinions that a lot of religious believers have are really horrible: misogyny, homophobia, murder, torture, oppression, imperialism and genocide. More importantly, these horrible opinions are justified by making actual truth claims, that God wants us to oppress and marginalize women and homosexuals, that God wants us to murder physicians and apostates, convert heretics under torture, and “invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.”

    Even the so-called “moderate” religious believers, believers who have solid humanistic values, fall under the New Atheist critique. Not because we object to their values, but because they are using the same mechanism as the more horrible believers to justify their beliefs. We should show equality to women, tolerance to gays not because they are our fellow human beings and we care about their well being, but because God wants us to.

    But of course God doesn’t want us to be nice to each other any more than God wants us to be cruel to each other. That a lie is used in the service of good does not by itself morally justify the lie.

    So… you’re incorrect because your behavior is not irrational: it’s fully rational because your liking of the Giants is a fact, with a completely rational causal history, and you’re incorrect because religion — at least the sort of religion subject to the atheist critique — is not like liking the Giants.

  13. 13
    Larry H.

    (Sorry, the above comment is directed at Chad Orzel; I had both windows open. But perhaps it’s better that I posted it here; I have no confidence at all that Orzel is an honest seeker after the truth, and I’ve fucking had it with the abuse of bullshit artists.)

  14. 14
    becca

    Being a whackaloon obsessive Eagles fan is clearly nothing like being a “gibbering religious fuckwit who believes in miracles, jesus, praying, hell, and all kinds of other deranged bronze-age fantasy shit.”… It’s way more irrational; at least, at the CPP level of obsession it is. But you’re an outlier. Most sports fans aren’t so pernicious.

  15. 15
    Fixer

    The Giants are frontrunners?

  16. 16
    TomJoe

    Fixer: Are you kidding me? Living in NY, you better fucking believe it. The only thing that could possibly be worse is being a Cowboys fan.

  17. 17
    Cashmoney

    Larry H I think you are confusing this blog with one of those Seriously Important douchy blogs that Seed runs….

  18. 18
    DuWayne

    Wow. Just – wow. That is an “analogy” that would be totally at home with my favorite middle school student (her papa’s a close friend – I helped teach her to read), who was working on analogies, similes, allegories and metaphors in English class recently. Not for her work, of course, because she knows better than that (I would like to take credit, but there was a four year gap, when I lived in Portland and she does have fucking brilliant parents).

  19. 19
    Katie

    CPP, you poser – how can you be a Yankees fan and an EAGLES fan???

    TomJoe – False. I am a huge fan of the Giants and whoever is beating the Yankees!

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