The Dregs Of American Society

Comrade PhysioProf walked through one of these wackaloon teabagger parties yesterday. Looking at and listening to the people in attendance, it was abundantly clear that they represent the most ignorant stone-cold-fucking-stupid dregs of the dregs of remaining sewage of the sick-fuck right wing of American society. These selfish whiny pig people are repugnant to decent Americans.

Blog Against Theocracy Repost

Here is a repost of some of Comrade PhysioProf’s thoughts about marriage:

These recently passed propositions that deny marriage equality as a civil right are based solely in religiously motivated hatred, plain and simple. The solution to all of this is to get the state out of the “marriage” business completely, and give absolutely no legal weight whatsoever to religious mumbo-jumbo ceremonies.

In this legal regime, any two people who desire the traditional legal appurtenances of “marriage” need to go to City Hall (or whatever registry office) and execute a legal document that creates the legal relationship. And we can make up a cool-sounding legalistic name for it. I propose humpterdy: “YAY! We just got humptered! Let’s partay!!!”

This way, religious fuckwits can keep their “marriage” to themselves–just as they do “baptism”, “bar mitzvah”, etc–and the state can continue furthering its legitimate interest in encouraging the formation of families headed by two people, but without entangling the apparatus of the state in wackaloon religious fuckwittery.

Schadenfreude

Comrade PhysioProf just found out that one of the people who beat him out during his initial tenure-track job search was just shitcanned after having failed completely to establish a successful research program. I feel bad for this person, but I do not feel bad for the department that failed to take the opportunity to hire me.

Theology (UPDATED)

Would it have been enough had god not even brought us out of Egypt? Or instead of dayenu would we have been all like, “Fuck you god, you left us here as slaves in motherfucking Egypt you fucking asshole”?

UPDATE: A dear friend of the blog has pointed out that this would dramatically shorten the seder:

(Raise cup of shitty wine.)

Fuck you, god!

(Chug eleventeenth cup of shitty wine.)

LOON ALERT LEVEL INFINITY! (UPDATED)

Some of our favorite loons just keep the wackaloonery flowing!

First, we’ve got obsessive high-school debate-team champion Michael Hawkins in a steel-cage death-match with the rhetorical voices in his head:

Please refrain from setting up strawmen based upon your flawed English.

Let’s examine the sentence.

“For more conclusive proof, one can simply recognize no ultimate source of morality.”

Refer to the rest of the paragraph. “For more conclusive proof” is dependent upon two sentences. The first is the one that contains “that morality is objective” and the second is “This is not true”. In other words, “For more conclusive proof” has the implied clause “that morality is not objective”. You failed to recognize this. Your sentence now reads like this.

“For more conclusive proof that morality is not objective, one can simply recognize that there is no ultimate source of morality.”

This is redundant and pedantic. It adds unnecessary clauses to the sentence. It is inefficient.

* * *

You are saying that you fully agree with my argument (”morality is not objective”), yet you think my argument is flawed. If you wish to agree with flawed arguments, that’s up to you, but what I think you meant to say is you agree with my argument but you’re incorrectly trying correct the phrasing of my argument.

Dude, you’re gonna WIN THE DEBATE!!11!!1! You’re so close! (Just make sure you have some tissues handy.)

Second, we’ve got obsessive paranoid authoritarian sockpuppet explosion loon Isabel/YouKnowWho/Anonymous/MyWorkIsDoneHere/WhatMeWorry/TroolyMcTrollster/GodIsMyCopilot/ILoveYouToo/etc dueling with racist shadows:

In other words it’s a cult led by Isis and CPP that is practicing exactly what it condemns!

Yes! It is a CULT!11!!1!!1!ELEVENTY!1!!1!

It’s also disturbing that CPP and Isis actively promote Hot Female worship, but ban men from participating under mob rule. That’s discrimination in my book.There’s also a puritan flavor to all this that I find distasteful.

NO! It’s a MOB! A PURITAN MOB!11!!

You seem like a normal, reasonable person. However, you don’t seem to understand that THIS IS HOW THESE PEOPLE OPERATE! It’s the science blogs mob mentality.

NO! WAIT! It’s a SCIENCEBLOGS MOB!!

The irony of THAT situation is lost on the losers. They also make racist remarks about people they have decreed to be “racists” ?! Weird!

OK. I’ve got it! We’re a HYPOCRITICAL RACIST PURITAN FEMALE-WORSHIPING SCIENCEBLOGS LOSER SHRILL CULT MOB!!!11!!1! MUWAQHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!111111!!11! HIDE YOUR CHILDREN!

UPDATE: Obsessive high-school debate-team champion Michael Hawkins has just informed me that our mob is also SHRILL. I have edited the post to respond to this reviewer concern, indicating the new text–as is customary–in italics.

Fuck The Rotisserification Of Baseball

I am watching my first Baseball Tonight of the season, and Peter Gammons–a decent analyst and smooth speaker–analyzes Minnesota’s chances, stating that so-and-so and such-and-so need to up their “OPS” by fifty points. Motherfucking rotisserie stats dweebs are a fucking cancer at the heart of Baseball Tonight. Baseball fans do not want to hear about motherfucking OPS, okay? On the other hand, Dave Winfield is a great player and coach, and a great addition to their team.

Oh, one more thing: What the fucking fuck is up with those spindly wacked-out garden stools they’re perched on top of? Dave Winfield is a big dude, and John Kruk is threatening his stool’s structural integrity.

Bike Shop Hijinks!

DuWayne Brayton posted today about what a fucking pain in the ass it is for a well-trained repairperson to have to clean up after the fuck-ups of amateurs who get in over their heads. This got me reminiscing about hanging around in my buddy’s bike shop shooting the shit with him and his mechanic all afternoon every Saturday and Sunday.

Every fucking Saturday, there’d be a parade of mooks coming in and asking for some obscure part that you could just tell the motherfucker had no idea how to install correctly. Then each of these dumbasses would return for another part, and then another. We would all be taking bets on when they would bring the fucking bike in to get it fixed properly.

When the mook finally returned with the bike, the conversation would invariably start like this: “I’ve just about got this thing fixed, but I just need this one little bit of help. Do you have such-and-such tool?” The owner was a sarcastic former Euro-pro, and he would roll his eyes and say, “We do have that tool, but we don’t offer help. We do have a professional mechanic who can fix your bike. We charge for parts and time.”

There would then be three different possible outcomes: (1) The dude would be relieved and just turn the bike over. (2) The dude would sort of try to follow the bike back into the work area, as if it were going to be a collaborative effort, but would be physically cut off in no uncertain terms by my buddy (let’s just say he was never a great climber). (3) The dude would storm out in a huff.

The outcome #3 dudes always sheepishly returned on Sunday to turn the bike over for proper repair. And the shit that some of these assholes did to their bikes was horrifying, including totally stripping pedal/crank and bottom bracket threads because they had no concept of backwards threading.

I miss hanging out there.