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Nov 20 2008

Pardoning Motherfucking Turkeys

Is it just me, or is it unimaginably depraved that sick-fuck grandstanding scuzbucket politicians “pardon” turkeys on teevee before Thanksgiving, while sending human beings to their deaths at the hands of the state (admittedly, after conviction for heinous crimes)?

17 comments

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  1. 1
    Becca

    It only started being sick when the man responsible for signing more death warrents than anyone else in the 20th century started doing it.

  2. 2
    Physiogroupie IV

    Yeah, I don’t get it. You know they all go home and eat a gigantic serving of turkey later.

    Turkey coma. Mmm.

  3. 3
    Professor in Training

    I’m betting that the “pardoned” turkeys are taken out the back, quickly slaughtered and delivered to the limo before the politicians are driven away.

  4. 4
    Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde

    Yeah, but it did provide a totally awesome episode of West Wing.

  5. 5
    becca

    PiT- there are Turkeys in Disneyland that would disagree with you

  6. 6
    Pinus

    Governor Palin pardoned a Turkey…and then made some comments as Turkeys were being killed behind her. Awesome. I say down with pardoning, we have to get honest about where our food comes from. Meat comes from killing shit. Deal with it or eat beans.

  7. 7
    The Improp

    DJ&MH: GREAT point.

    But the tradition is stupid. But at least it could give me a good water cooler joke that is yet unwritten dealing with both turkeys and Scooter fuck Libby.

  8. 8
    distributorcap

    i am beginning to hate ever tradition if it involves anyone remotely related to the us govt

  9. 9
    Anonymoustache

    distributorcap;
    I think a good argument can be made that tradition (govt or otherwise) has historically been the single greatest impediment to progress. Compared to the long line of stupid shit that has been condoned/embraced/propagated to inflict heinous abuse on large swathes of humanity, the turkey pardoning is nothing. It is ridiculously funny though.

  10. 10
    Professor in Training

    PiT- there are Turkeys in Disneyland that would disagree with you

    (1) Do you REALLY believe that the pardoned turkeys are ACTUALLY sent to Disneyland? I’m guessing that the Disney turkeys have California accents (or Central Florida accents if sent to Disneyworld).

    (2) Is it humane to send living creatures to a bizarre fantasy land where they’ll get chased by children, teenagers, Japanese businessmen and adults dressed as oversized animals?

    Hahahahaha!

  11. 11
    Tigger

    Actually, the turkey that is pardoned will die soon anyway. Not because it will become food, but because of the way food turkeys are bred. Basically, once they get past that “tender young” stage, their breasts are too big for them to be able to move around much, and they die of respiratory failure.

  12. 12
    Physiogroupie IV

    Well, we’re all going to die some day. Doesn’t mean we should go around killing and eating people.

    But, I still maintain that pardoning turkeys is stupid. How about doing some real work if you’re an elected public official..?

  13. 13
    becca

    (1) Do you REALLY believe that the pardoned turkeys are ACTUALLY sent to Disneyland?
    Yes. Yes I do. I could give you evidence, (http://www.wtopnews.com/?nid=223&sid=1505392), but mostly there are some things I choose to believe because they make me happy and there is no harm if I’m wrong. So fuck you very much.

    As far as (2)- of course Disneyland isn’t humane. For anyone involved. Least of all Pilgram Mickey Mouse. But it might beat the alternatives…

    @tigger- apparently, they give them a special workout regime. More evidence of inhumane treatment, I know.

    @pinus- Palin in front of the “cone of death” was fantastic.

  14. 14
    Professor in Training

    (1) Do you REALLY believe that the pardoned turkeys are ACTUALLY sent to Disneyland?
    Yes. Yes I do. I could give you evidence, (http://www.wtopnews.com/?nid=223&sid=1505392), but mostly there are some things I choose to believe because they make me happy and there is no harm if I’m wrong. So fuck you very much.

    Hahaha. Do you believe in Santa Claus, the toothfairy and the Easter bunny too?

    **wipes tears of laughter from eyes**

  15. 15
    Lemur

    Awwww, be nice! We all have our illusions. I for one still indulge in believing in a fair courts system. Very , very occasionally.

  16. 16
    Professor in Training

    My parents just called from the land far, far away and said they had seen the footage of Palin’s turkey pardon/slaughter. They couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on and why a perfectly tasty turkey was being “pardoned”! I laughed so hard I thought my sides would burst.

  17. 17
    sonia

    yes.

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