Dear Chief of Staff Emanuel:
I hereby urge you to appoint Maureen Dowd as ambassador to some shitty irrelevant little country that has to do whatever the fuck the United States wants it to. Her outstanding qualifications are demonstrated by the following excerpt from her most recent column for the New York Times:
How could the White House be classy when the Clintons were turning it into Motel 1600 for fund-raising, when Bill Clinton was using it for trysts with an intern and when he plunked a seven-seat hot tub with two Moto-Massager jets on the lawn?
How could the White House be inspiring when W. and Cheney were inside making torture and domestic spying legal, fooling Americans by cooking up warped evidence for war and scheming how to further enrich their buddies in the oil and gas industry?
As you can see, Ms. Dowd has an exquisitely finely tuned sense of ethical discernment, considering morally equivalent political fund-raising, adultery, and hot-tubbing–on the one hand–with torture, domestic spying, waging war on false pretenses, and destroying the entire economy–on the other. She would do a fine job representing the United States’ interests as ambassador to some shitty irrelevant country.
Very truly yours,
P.S. Just between you and me, Rahm, we need to get rid of this motherfucking blight. Sending her off as ambassador to some shitty little country would be a gift to the citizens of the United States.