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Sep 07 2008

Recipe War Week #2: Fucking Salad

OK. PhysioProf got his sorry ass handed to him on a fucking platter by vicious competitor Isis in the first battle of the Recipe War. Well, PhysioProf learns from his fuck-ups, and this week he is back with a vengeance. For the salad course, PhysioProf has prepared a duo of salads: seafood salad and arugula, watermelon, pine nuts, and goat cheese salad. Photographs and recipes are inside the crack. (YES! PhysioProf cooked the motherfucking shit!!)

Voting site is here, and my worthy competitor’s recipe is here.

Seafood Salad

[click the pic for full-sized version]

Ingredients

shrimp (large in shell)
calamari (cleaned)
octopus (good-sized leg, cleaned)
pimento-stuffed green olives
purple onion
parsley
capers
celery
lemon
extra virgin olive oil
salt
fresh ground black pepper

How to make the shit

(1) Boil the shrimp until done, just a minute or two, and then shell and clean. Slice the squid into rings and legs, and then boil until done, also just a couple minutes. (If you fuck up and overcook the squid and it turns to rubber, then you can just simmer it for at least 30 minutes, and it’ll get tender again.) Throw the octopus leg into boiling water, and then reduce to a simmer and cook until the octopus is tender. It’ll take at least an hour. Slice the leg perpendicular to the long axis.

(2) Mix in with the cooked seafood some pimento-stuffed green olives, thin slices of raw celery, capers, and chopped parsley and purple onion.

(3) Squeeze lemon through a cheese cloth onto the mixture, and pour on some extra virgin olive oil. Add salt and fresh-ground black pepper to taste, and then gently toss.

(4) Serve in a radicchio leaf, arranging the shrimp nicely around the outside. The radicchio will absorb the flavors, and must be eaten as well.

Arugula, Watermelon, Pine Nuts, and Goat Cheese Salad

[click the pic for full-sized version]

Ingredients

arugula
watermelon
pine nuts
goat cheese
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
fresh-ground black pepper

How to make the shit

(1) Rinse and dry the arugula. Slice the watermelon into little squares. Crumble the goat cheese.

(2) Mix the vinegar and salt with a whisk. Add the oil and whisk. Add ground black pepper to taste, and more salt if needed. This is now balsamic vinaigrette.

(3) Place some arugula leaves inside the bottom of a radicchio cup. Put in watermelon squares, pine nuts, and crumbled goat cheese.

(4) Drizzle balsamic vinaigrette on top. As above, eat the radicchio, too.

Final Presentation

[click the pic for full-sized version]

Put the two salads in their respective radicchio cups side-by-side on a plate, and garnish with pomegranate seeds. EAT!!

Voting site is here, and my worthy competitor’s recipe is here.

23 comments

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  1. 1
    bioephemera

    That actually made me salivate. And it has a cephalopod on it! Rock on!

  2. 2
    Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde

    Look, I’m no vegetarian, but when I want a Salad, the primary ingredient should be vegetable in nature, not a goddamn cow. Ergo, you win this round for the watermelon goat cheese salad. Also the pretty pomegranate seeds.

    God, I love arbitrary decision making.

  3. 3
    JC

    I’m a little leery of you with the seafood stuff… let us know if you have food poisoning and are worshiping the porcelain god (instead of the Isis goddess) this time. Those cephalopods are tricky little buggers. Takes some serious skillz. The goat cheese one is easy and lovely though. It’s a half-point for sure, surprisingly. I will attempt that one. At least you weren’t smoked this time. Tough choice.

  4. 4
    larue

    I’m calling a big fat *TWEET* on this crap right now.

    You boil calamari for more than 30 seconds for a ‘salad’ or anything else and it’s pure shit. And you CAN’T save overboiled calimari by boilin it for another half hour . . . I know, I was in the business for 20 years.

    And when yer ‘boilin’ seafood things you need a recipe for the water . . . you don’t just use WATER, for god’s sake.

    Peppercorns, garlic cloves, squeezed lemon cut in half and THAT put in the water, pinch of sea salt, sometimes a clove or two, a bay leaf . . . other herbs per your inclination (thyme), a dry chablis, some onion or shallot source.

    And the calamari? Is it fresh? You don’t describe the prep of it, like taking off the skin, pullin the ink sac, taking out the eyes, and pullin out the bone and the guts . . .

    And ANY thing you boil like this gotta go into an icebath to stop the cooking. That’s just a basic rookie one oh one fucking knowledge piece NO cook would omit.

    I didn’t work with octupus . . . but there’s something vaguely disturbing about cooking a leg of it for an hour . . .

    And lemme tell ya, that vinaigrette ‘marinade’ for your seafood salad is about as weak as anything I’ve ever seen in a fast food joint.

    I’d post MY recipes for a decent marinated seafood salad but I’m not sharing cuz it going up some week soon at another blog where I’m gonna be posting REAL doable food and recipes and not some hacked up versions of something stolen outta Rachel Ray’s Quick Tips For The Busy Woman.

    Physio, I call bullshit on you . . . . and that amuse bouche?

    Gimme a break . . . as was said, a decent demi glace and a duck confit are labors of love, taking DAYS to make from scratch and you left out so much about the BASES for your recipe I’m convinced you misread some Welsh translation of Escoffier’s treatsie of fine foods:

    http://books.google.com/books?id=SGOyAQAACAAJ&dq=Auguste+Escoffier

    And if you haven’t read and can’t cook what’s in THIS bible, you should get yer ass out of the fuckin kitchen and back to the keyboard where you belong:

    http://www.amazon.com/Larousse-Gastronomique-Prosper-Montagne/dp/0609609718/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b

    Damned amateurs . . . harumph.

    *G*

  5. 5
    bikemonkey

    well, well, well. He’s back in the game. Way to sack up my friend!

  6. 6
    Jenn

    You know, it’s not a bad effort…not sure how the two salads actually go together, and given the effort at presentation (but, alas, I have to say the effect was not entirely satisfactory… the watermelon and goat cheese salad looks a bit -um- regurgitated?!) I’m giving you top marks for this one… hmmm, but who wins?! A taste test might be in order. I reserve judgement for today

  7. 7
    Abel Pharmboy

    Killer presentation – and look at the size of those shrimp!

    But I had to laugh here:

    Slice the leg perpendicular to the long axis.

    Sounds like this came from the Methods section of your last paper.

    Can’t take the physiologist out of the kitchen.

    Anyway, I think you should have won last week just on principle For this week, a fabulous effort that even has me wishing it was lunch or dinner at 6:20 am. Well done!

  8. 8
    MissPrism

    Yum! It’s a difficult voting decision this week.

    In Seychelles, they make fantastic curried octopus, cooking it for hours in coconut milk with fresh cinnamon leaves and chillies until it’s very tender. I’ve never dared to buy an octopus and make it myself, though.

  9. 9
    Candid Engineer

    This is truly impressive junk. I can’t believe that you, a man, would cook this. Of course there are many excellent male chefs out there, I just don’t happen to know a-one.

    The purple tentacles in the salad have me recoiling in horror. I’d have to pick around those. Unrefined tastebuds, I know.

  10. 10
    juniorprof

    You won my vote this week. I’ll be making the goat-cheese salad soon, looks fantastic!

  11. 11
    Becca

    +1 to what DJ&MH said. I am a quasi-vegetarian, but since (alas!) all my tasting is imaginary anyway, the presense of the meat does not disturb me in most recipes. But Cow does not belong on Salad.
    I also would not cook fucking squid, and frankly it scares me. That said, the goat-cheese salad won me over.

  12. 12
    Zuska

    Yeah, the goat cheese salad is awesome! Isis has a nice dressing going on over at her place but the Beef on the plate is a turnoff, salad-wise. +1 to PP!

  13. 13
    Signout

    Pimiento-stuffed olives? Who eats that shit?

    Also, I hate your gay-ass china.

    Otherwise, looks great.

  14. 14
    ScientistMother

    that looks like a damn good salad. I will have to try before voting.

  15. 15
    Physiogroupie IV

    Nice tentacles. I had to go with Isis on this one. Fuckin’ beef in the salad.

  16. 16
    Kh

    please tell me the china is not portmerion…
    The goat cheese sounds great but I love steak on salad so I’m split this week

  17. 17
    Professor in Training

    I hate salads but I voted for PP this week for using his grandma’s china.

  18. 18
    PhysioProf

    please tell me the china is not portmerion…

    It is Portmerion. You got a fucking problem with that?

  19. 19
    Propter Doc

    No problem with Portmerion at all. Probably going to vote for you for that alone…

  20. 20
    Dr A

    Looks amazing! The colors, the thought of all those melding flavors and textures had me salivating. But I gotta say.. it was the ‘gay-ass’ china that clinched it for me. Nice save P-squared. Looking forward to next week!

  21. 21
    TreeFish

    Pine nuts and goat cheese?! Sorry, PP, but you lost again this week. I will, however, use your recipe for after-dinner aperitifs (e.g., Jameson and f-bombs).

  22. 22
    bikemonkey

    after-dinner? it is a digestif you philistine!

  23. 23
    TreeFish

    My bad. That’s not the first time I’ve been called a Philistine!

    To be fair to PP, his presentation is phenomenal. I’m just a blue-collar midwestern boy, so I’m afraid of fancy plates and greenery I can’t buy at HyVee…and those shrimp (which many people here call srimps) are bigger than my dog! Do you eat them or walk them?

    I look forward to rWWIII.

  1. 24
    PhysioProf Is Fucking Reeling!!! « PhysioProf

    [...] 14, 2008 With about three hours to go in the Recipe War Battle #2 voting, PhysioProf had a decent lead of about seven votes, roughly 60 to 53. In an absolutely stunning last-minute [...]

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