What Kind Of Wackaloon Fucking Nutjob Wants To Be President, Anyway?


Think about what it takes to become President of the United States. You gotta spend your adult life begging rich assholes for money. You live under a microscope, with every action, comment, mistake, peccadillo of your entire life subject to rage, ridicule, and misconstrual. You have to basically lie through your teeth all fucking day every fucking day for years on end about what you will accomplish once you are President: cure disease, fix the economy, achieve world peace, protect the nation from all disasters, comfort the bereft, and convince God to hook us the fuck up.

And what do you get in return?

You gain the power to wage war and otherwise fuck with people all over the world in myriad possible ways. You are surrounded by suck-ups who do not care one fucking iota about you as a person, and only want to bask in the penumbra of your power. You give up all semblance of a normal life with family, friends, or colleagues, and must be protected for the rest of your life 24/7/365 by an armed Praetorian guard from vast numbers of crazy motherfuckers who want to kill you.

So let’s please do away with the ridiculous canard that we want our President to be a normal human being, “just like us”, who can identify with our concerns as citizens. The people that come anywhere near becoming President are totally fucking deranged wacked-out power-hungry lunatics! They have no more in common with you and me than the gibbering wacko wandering down the sidewalk ranting and raving about the United Nations putting radio transceivers in his teeth.

So, personally, I am not looking for a President who’s a “regular guy” or who can identify with my concerns. Cause it ain’t gonna happen. I am looking for a President whose particular brand of wackaloon derangement is not going to lead to the destruction of the entire motherfucking world!

Comments

  1. says

    No shit! I don’t want some low-normal motherfucking chatty barstool cathy as President. I want someone SMART in there. Someone who WANTS to be President really, really, really fucking bad. Where did we come up with this “s/he wants it too bad” meme this time around? No Fucking Shit, Sherlock!!!

  2. Interrobang says

    When it comes to jobs that can get vast numbers of people killed, hell yes I want someone driving who wants to be there, like really wants to be there. The next time someone you know comes out with that “s/he wants it too bad” canard, you should say something like, “So, who would you rather have flying the plane the next time you take a trip — someone who really really wanted to be a pilot, or someone who went into it because they thought the money was good and is now just marking time until retirement?”

  3. says

    There is nothing wrong with barstool Cathys. Some of us might even make good presidents. If we had been borne in the US, that is.

    I never did understand why Americans wanted a President to be some one they would want to have beer with. It seems a strange way to decide who is going to run your country.

  4. says

    But just think about how much money needs to be raised just to be competitive. Hundreds of millions dollars for what? To make flyers, signs, hire people to hold the signs, and all these fear commercials. And if you lose, you try to save your political life from ruins. If you win, you get bashed on anyway. Sounds like a shit job.

  5. says

    Think about what it takes to become a PI at a top-ranked institution. You gotta spend your adult life begging government assholes for money. You live under (and with) a microscope, with every talk, paper, and grant subject to ridicule and miscontrual. You have to basically lie through your teeth all fucking day every fucking day for years on end about what you will accomplish once you are PI: cure disease, protect the earth from itself, understand the secrets of the universe, and prolong our lives into eternity.

    And what do you get in return?

    You gain the power to do experiments and otherwise fuck with equipment all over the world in myriad possible ways. You are surrounded by suck-ups who do not care one fucking iota about you as a person, and only want to bask in the penumbra of your power. You give up all semblance of a normal life with family or friends, instead pledging your life to hanging out with colleagues, and must be protected for the rest of your life 24/7/365 by an armed Praetorian guard from vast numbers of crazy animal rights activists who want to kill you. okay maybe a little exaggeration here.

    Same shtick, different venue?

  6. says

    Dr. J,
    That was superb.
    And, don’t we all just want (/want to be) a PI whose brand of wackaloon derangement is not going to lead to the destruction of the entire motherfucking lab?

  7. says

    If nominated I will run, if drafted I will serve.

    How hard can it be?

    A mental midget’s been doing it since 2000.

  8. says

    … bask in the penumbra of your power.

    A penumbra is a shadow. One does not bask in a shadow. Get your fucking metaphors right, you illiterate bastard!

    Otherwise, spot on. ;-)

  9. says

    penumbra

    1 a: a space of partial illumination (as in an eclipse) between the perfect shadow on all sides and the full light b: a shaded region surrounding the dark central portion of a sunspot

    2: a surrounding or adjoining region in which something exists in a lesser degree : fringe

    From Merriam-Webster.

    Of course, it rather intimates that the President/PI is a darkly black blot, and her aides/postdocs are fringe gray territory, but in any case I think PP was completely correct.

  10. weinbergworld says

    Dr. J beat me to the parady- and did it much more eloquently than I could have. Job well done.
    Power corupts.

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