A phenomenon has recently come to PhysioProf’s attention that is so sick, so heinous, so foul, so demented, so fucking wrong, that I am left almost speechless. This is the practice of creating diaper cakes as gifts or ornaments for baby showers. Now don’t get me wrong; I love babies, and baby showers are very wonderful events.
But the words “diaper” and “cake” do not belong in the same fucking noun phrase! They do not belong in the same sentence! They do not even belong in the same godforsaken paragraph!
Cakes are beautiful, delicious, sweet confectionary delights. Diapers are rags for soaking up baby shit. Diapers and cakes do not belong together!! Diaper cake is an abomination, a blight on humankind, a horror of epic proportions!
(WARNING: Photographs of these sick, twisted products of the darkest, dankest corners of the human imagination are below the fold.)
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hypoglycemiagirl
May 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
they could at least make them out of cloth diapers…
Interrobang
May 30, 2008 at 7:11 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Considering that I still can’t figure out why anybody voluntarily gets (or stays) pregnant, I think I’ve got at least another several levels of “How wrong is that?!” going on. Thanks!
drdrA
May 30, 2008 at 7:20 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I’ve been the happy recipient of one such diaper cake…
Katie
May 30, 2008 at 11:00 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Wow – that first one is quite impressive. The ones my mom makes are much smaller. I’ve really tried to understand why you would call a gift made of useful baby items “abomination, a blight on humankind, a horror of epic proportions.” You’re thinking it too hard, kiddo. “Chill the Fuck Out.”
julia
May 30, 2008 at 11:36 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I guess this isn’t the time to talk to you about tampon angels, then.
Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde
May 30, 2008 at 11:49 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
They seem like a giant waste of time.
Yet, I would kill to need one.
Iron Gator
May 31, 2008 at 1:42 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Much of what women do as Women is unfathomable to Men. Most of it should remain so. I am pushing 60, and have never seen the inside of a woman’s purse, even when the owner was my rebellious female offspring. I have never wanted to be a “fly on the wall” and know what women say among themselves.
Roll through the cable channels. Any time, day or night, SOME woman is pushing a kid down the chute. This is NOT a process you want to see, or especially hear, and I heartily admonish young fathers-to-be to be sure that, as Delivery nears, you know where there’s a dark, smoky bar near the hospital.
Duck out after 10 or 12 hours of hollering…tell them you’re going for more videotape…and slip a Nurse $20 to call you on your cell when the grunting and sweating is over.
There’s Stuff They DO and Stuff We Do. Overlap is largely unnecessary and counterproductive.
Beaker
May 31, 2008 at 10:33 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Chocolate cake? Lemon cake? eeeewwww!
Dr. Free-Ride
May 31, 2008 at 12:09 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Presenting expectant parents with a diaper cake at a baby shower may involve presuming you know what diapering choice (disposable or cloth, cloth washed at home or cloth from a service) the parents-to-be have made. Getting that wrong can at times provoke shitstorms which make the ugliest politics-centered fights pale by comparison.
Also, if I’m pregnant enough to be the guest of honor at a baby shower, there had better damn well be an actual cake available — preferably one filled with mousse and covered with ganache.
Ann Brock
May 31, 2008 at 3:20 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I gave my daughter a baby shower in 2006 and one of the girls wanted to make a diaper cake. That was the 1st time I heard of such a cake. You know some stores do sell them.
Fe
May 31, 2008 at 8:20 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
That is the best thing I have heard all dau, and the fact that it freaks you out makes it even better! This is so much better for the over-all psyche of the world than baby-cake. Thanks!
acmegirl
June 2, 2008 at 12:43 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“Duck out after 10 or 12 hours of hollering…tell them you’re going for more videotape…and slip a Nurse $20 to call you on your cell when the grunting and sweating is over.”
I’m sure hubby is thanking his lucky stars he didn’t take that advice. It would cost him a lot more than $20 to get off the couch after a stunt like that. If I have to go through the process of “pushing a kid down the chute” the least my partner can do is be there with me for moral support. Especially since he got to enjoy the up the chute part of the action.
And seriously, it’s not like your balls are going to shrivel up if you so much as look at a tampon. Or find out a little bit about what goes on at a baby shower. Grow up, boys!
That said, I would not want to receive one of those bubblegum colored monstrosities. Just give a gift certificate if the mom to be didn’t register.
littlem
June 5, 2008 at 12:24 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
*smirk*
I believe the proper approbation would be:
Word to your Mother.
And Father.
Lemur
July 6, 2008 at 11:59 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
60 years old and you’ve never seen the inside of a woman’s purse? “Overlap is largely unnecessary and counterproductive”? WTF is that about? Women aren’t, like, this alien species. I don’t carry any flesh eating bacteria or fresh human organs in my purse, last I checked. I think the more we understand each other, the better. And you, Giant Woman-Fearing Weenie Gator? …You exist because “some woman” pushed you “down the chute”. Gods, you’d think someone your age would’ve grown up by now.
But those cakes? Both sacchrine and disturbing.
Po
August 7, 2008 at 1:50 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Yum Yum
Jessica
August 12, 2008 at 2:40 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Your a fucking idiot! What the fuck do you care if somebody makes a diaper cake? Did you eat shit once thinking it was chocolate? Go right a blog about something people actually care about.
Muse142
August 15, 2008 at 8:28 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I know this is probably a silly thing, but for my own mental health…
Iron Gator is a monumental misogynistic douchehound.
Thhhank you.
Oh, and yeah, diaper cakes, creepy a little bit. lol.
skittlekitten
September 15, 2008 at 1:08 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Wow, you need to chill out! I recieved one as a gift and they are wonderful. It is a cute way to give diapers as a gift. Its not like the diaper has poop or anything in it. You are pretty childish. I dont think you should use the word “fuck” so much.
Abacrys
October 29, 2008 at 6:18 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
interrobang… it’s unfortunate that your mother didn’t share the same view on pregnancy that you do.
Abacrys
October 29, 2008 at 6:24 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
P.S. to hypoglycemiagirl… do you have any fucking idea how much a cloth-diaper cake of that magnitude would cost???
Isis the Scientist
July 29, 2009 at 11:02 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I think there may be something more heinous than the diaper cake. Check out the sonogram cake.
terrifiedtabetic
July 29, 2009 at 12:44 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
that’s really fucking annoying.
Linda Pendley
December 15, 2009 at 12:29 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
The word FUCKING is best used when your legs are facing East and West. I guess it is safe to say that no one has ever performed oral sex on you? Because lets face it …If diapers are only for shit and piss, then the human mouth is strictly for eating and talking!! Take a chill pill girl.
Amber
January 22, 2010 at 1:24 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
They CAN be made out of cloth diapers. They’re generally made out of whatever the recipient prefers.
Amber
January 22, 2010 at 1:27 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Most who make diapers cakes (such as myself) figure out the parental preference before making said cake in terms of the diapers used. I would not make a disposable diaper cake if the parents were cloth diapering.
eastcoastbitches
March 2, 2010 at 10:03 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
WHAT ARE YOU FROM NORTH DAKOTA???
Anonymous
March 5, 2010 at 11:56 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It is not like it is full of shitty diapers. it is a great, functional gift for a new mother.. get over yourself…
marie
March 11, 2010 at 8:46 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
its just meant to be a centre peice, and whats the difference between calling it a diaper cake or buying something called icecream cake, its just a name, who gives a crap, there cute, moms to be love them and its a cheap way to decorate
Anonymous
May 6, 2010 at 7:38 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Do you not have anything better to smack on!? even reading the title of this….i was wondering what the heck your problem is. if you dont like it…then dont ever do it. its just a fun way to send wonderful gifts. how creative. do people run around blogging about what you create? just because its a diaper cake….doesnt mean you have to eat it. my goodness. please find something better to talk about. im not saying i care what you write about….but for you….seems like you’re angry at the world.
ginger
May 7, 2010 at 1:24 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“Do people run around blogging about what you create?”
Oh, random googling drive-by zombie-thread commenter, you have no idea.
“Do you not have anything better to smack on!?”
Oh, random googling drive-by zombie-thread commenter, you have no idea.
“Seems like you’re angry at the world.”
Oh, random googling drive-by – eh, to hell with it.
Dana
May 15, 2010 at 11:23 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Oh dear, some women are sick-minded. It goes against every fiber in a real woman’s body not to want children.
I’ll bet you’re overjoyed your Mother didn’t have the same cold, cruel attitude as you? lol
ginger
May 16, 2010 at 9:49 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Oh, AWESOME. Please, please, CPP, take notice of Dana’s stellar drive-by.
Anonymous
August 30, 2010 at 9:16 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I agree! They are wonderful gifts…I got one 2 months ago and i loved it! Now im making one for a family member. Also….like really…you must be 12 to be talking and thinking like that you idiot. Grow up.
P.S. You’re so fucking stupid that i am left speechless!! hahahahahaha you idiot!
BrownEyes
September 3, 2010 at 7:19 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I just spent three hours yesterday watching videos of how to make diaper cakes; then I see your comment about how horrible such an idea of a gift this is. Maybe it’s just that now one ever took the time to make you such a beautiful gift. Watch a video, make one, give one as a gift, then see the reaction. Everyone loves it.
Abby Diaper Cake
May 21, 2012 at 11:07 am (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Diaper cakes are cute. Whats wrong is if someone creates a trend of adult diaper cakes when your grandma or grandpa goes to a nursing home.
Kristina
June 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I just what to say that your diaper cake is reall cute!
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August 12, 2008 at 3:03 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
[...] 12, 2008 “Jessica” says in her recent comment: Your a fucking idiot! What the fuck do you care if somebody makes a diaper cake? Did you eat shit [...]