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Apr 17 2008

Knitters’ And Crocheters’ Lazy, Stupid, And Godless Worthless Manifesto (KnACroLaStAGoWoMan)

As promised, here is the Ravelers’ manifesto:

A spectre is haunting the Internet– the spectre of LSG. All the powers of the old Internet have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Wikipedia and the DRA, Theocratic Douchemonkeys and That Group That Gives Us All the Screaming Habdabs, Moderators and Those Whackaloons Who Keep Saying “Think of the children!”.

Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as Lazy, Stupid and Godless by its opponents in power? Where is the opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of LSG, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?

Two things result from this fact:

I. LSG is already acknowledged by all Internet powers to be itself a power.

II. It is high time that LSG bitches should openly, in the face of the whole world, publish their views, their aims, their tendencies, and meet this nursery tale of the spectre of LSG with a manifesto of the party itself.

To this end, the Lazy, Stupid and Godless of various nationalities have assembled in Ravelry and sketched the following manifesto, to be published by PhysioProf.

“Nice” People and “Real” People

Be it resolved that ya’ll can fuck off. We twatweasels are going to knit and crochet the shit we want and say whatever the fuck we like.
You think that ain’t in line with with “wonderful community of fiber artists”?
Fine. But don’t be a passive-aggressive cuntmonkey.

“Real” People and LSG People

Yo, this is some retarded shit here. If this is a party where are the hookers and the blow?

Here’s our fucking manifesto: Booze, dildos and diva cups for all.

Sounds like a fucking plan to me! And as also promised, the LS&G Ravelers have initiated the planning stages of knitted/crocheted presents for PhysioProf:

11 comments

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  1. 1
    BugDoc

    PP, you are freaking brilliant as proven by this post and your comments in the blamosphere, i.e.:

    -PhysioProf Apr 16th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
    That’s good news! I do, however, regret to inform your more melodramatically inclined blametariat that you are dying, as are we all. The only question is how fast.

    I know this kind of shit, because I am a fucking medical school professor.-

    By the way, is it “wackaloon” or “whackaloon”?

    Sincerely,
    JAFMSP (just another fucking medical school professor)

  2. 2
    Cat

    Cool.

    Oh I forgot this summary:

    Knit what you want, fuck who you want, do what you want and drink what you want (but not from the diva cup).

  3. 3
    PhysioProf

    My preferred spelling is “wackaloon”, but the issue is open to interpretation.

  4. 4
    Bustednuckles

    Any group that’s against the current bunch of douche garglers is a friend of Busted.
    I am SO serious.
    If y’all could knit barbed wire I’d be placing orders for personalized butt plugs for ‘em all.

  5. 5
    cindylou

    Woo hoo!! THe beanie knitting begins today. You rock our world, physioprof. Prepare to be rocked back!

  6. 6
    Nan

    It is possible to knit with barbed wire. I’m not sure I’d ever want to, but I have knitted with other wires so know it can be done.

  7. 7
    PhysioProf

    Who exactly is the “current bunch of douche garglers” that LS&G stands in opposition to?

  8. 8
    bustednuckles

    The group of ass puckered spooge buckets that tell every one else what they are supposed to think, feel and do.

  9. 9
    cindylou

    Or the ones who tell us we are all going to hell in a handbasket for lovingly calling each other twatweasels

  10. 10
    Blue Gal

    WHAT!? You’ve got knitters on your team, too? Fuck. Just fuck.

    I knew you were cool, but I had no idea.

  11. 11
    PhysioProf

    Yeah, don’t I kick total fucking ass?

  1. 12
    Color themed WIP Wednesday « Lab Cat

    [...] am knitting a hat for PhysioProf as part of this agreement. I decided not to use my own chart with the requested text as I wanted to knit a top down cable [...]

  2. 13
    Knitters Are Wonderful Generous People!!!11!1ELEVENTY!11!1! « PhysioProf

    [...] 11, 2008 The first wool beanie being made for me by members of the Lazy, Stupid & Godless knitter conspiracy is now complete! Many thanks to wonderful generous Lab Cat (cdavies) for this beautiful wool [...]

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