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Mar 14 2008

News Flash: Right-Wingers Are Totally Fucking Wackaloon Craaazy!

Glenn Greenwald put on his hip-waders this morning and went over to National Review (the demented right-wing propaganda rag founded by recently-deceased hateful racist sick-fuck William F. Buckley) to see what the nation’s most respected conservative commentators have to say about the pressing issues of the day. Here’s PhysioProf’s paraphrases of the pieces Greenwald found:

Former Dan Quayle aide Lisa Schiffren: Amsterdam has decriminalized gay fucking in public parks, and has outlawed letting dogs off leash in these parks. This is, of course, to protect dogs from getting fucked, because everyone knows that all gays will fuck dogs if given the opportunity. [Isn't getting political commentary from a former Dan Quayle aide like getting financial commentary from the nanny who changes the shit-filled diapers of Ben Bernanke's infant child?]

Conservative columnist Mona Charen: Barack Obama’s mother is white, but he looks black, and therefore he hates America and is totally unfit to be President.

John Derbyshire: Because some black people think HIV was produced in a government laboratory, it is high time that black motherfucker Barack Obama is asked if he believes that HIV was produced in a government laboratory.

Lisa Schiffren: Muslims totally need to loosen up about sex, but on the other hand it is pretty fucking awesome how much they hate women.

7 comments

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  1. 1
    Anonymoustache

    Wow. Dan Quayle likes to fuck dogs? Who knew?

  2. 2
    Nan

    Not exactly a news flash — just more empirical evidence of something we saner folk have suspected for quite awhile.

  3. 3
    Zuska

    Wow. Just…wow. Mona Charen said you can tell Obama’s far left sympathies “…when he suggests that the lives of poor black young men in the inner city are blighted by white racism.” So, observations of reality constitute far left sympathies? Awesome.

  4. 4
    bikemonkey

    Shorter Mo’Charen: “Authentic blacks are to the left of Communists.”

  5. 5
    bikemonkey

    Ben Bernanke is the Dan Quayle of monetary policy?!?!?!!?!

  6. 6
    Anonymoustache

    BikeMonkey,
    That caught my eye too, but I avoided comment on it as I couldn’t think of an appropriate analogy from the financial sector. Charles Keating? Ken Lay/Andy Fastow? Those don’t quite fit; we need something that conveys vapidity, child-of-luxury stupidity, not necessarily just malfeasance. Neil Bush? Mayyybe…..But I think the evil outweighs the stupid there. Tough one.

  7. 7
    Myrtle June

    Glen needs a full on hazmat suit for his next journey to flatearth land. Ew.

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