Superman is a profane dick

This is Superman getting shot by a tank.

The guy is so super-tough that his only response is to choke out some kind of gutteral noise, “GD”. I don’t even know how to pronounce that; maybe it’s Kryptonian for “ow” or something.

Unfortunately, a Christian comic book store owner in North Carolina is so annoyed that Superman might have used a euphemism for “god damn” that he’s boycotting all issues of Superman.

I could see Guy Gardner and maybe even Hal Jordan (Green Lanterns) saying it. I could see Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) saying it. I could easily see Damian Wayne (Robin) or MAYBE even Bruce Wayne saying it. But Superman was created to be the “perfect” super-hero. Unblemished. Superman is an American icon.

It grieves me to see a liberal Scottish schmuck like Grant Morrison take these liberties. I’m sorry, Superman would NEVER take God’s name in vain. In the words of the late Jim Croce, “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.

“Perfect” apparently means “prissy” in his vocabulary. But I think he’s just given permission for some superheroes in the DC universe to start swearing like angry drunken sailors, which could be fun.

I understand that it’s only a comic and it’s not the real world, but I feel that as a Christian I have to draw the line somewhere.

Yeah, somewhere on the far side of petty and silly.

Besides, how can you get upset at a grunt? Everyone knows, Superman is a dick.

It’s what I’d expect of Scotland

It’s a new beer with some unusual characteristics.

  • Only 12 bottles were brewed, and they sold for $765 each.

  • It had an alcohol content of 55%. Can you even get that without distillation? Does it even count as a beer? Does it taste like beer?

  • It comes in a unique bottle wrapped in preserved roadkill.

It’s an interesting combination, not one element of which gives me any desire to drink the stuff.

(Also on Sb)

What is she doing?

The Vision Forum is one of those backward organizations promoting a “biblical patriarchy” — they’re full of pious, patronizing claims about fathers raising daughters with good moral values, and it’s clearly all about tightly controlling women’s sexuality. A site called Rethinking Vision Forum is all about pointing out their hypocrisy and weirdness, and they have a recent post highlighting a biblical patriarchy CD. Take a look at the cover.

What is she doing? She’s reaching down to the man’s crotch; he’s looking down at what she’s doing; and creepiest of all, there’s a bearded older father figure watching sternly. And then, when you look at the original painting, you discover that it was intentionally photoshopped to put the woman into this suggestive position.

It’s supposed to be a “parable about the hearts of fathers and daughters”. I don’t think I want to know what the connection between the father-daughter relationship and voyeurism and public handjobs might be, but I suspect that no matter how twisted and kinky the interpretation, it’s probably got a biblical justification.

The Great American Superhero

Rick Perry was asked what kind of superhero he would be, and unimaginative dufus that he is, he answered “Superman”, without thinking about the implications.

He should have answered “Batman,” born with a silver spoon in his mouth, solving all of his problems by buying the best and most expensive toys and gadgets, and churning through child labor to get the job done. That’s an American hero.

If I’d been asked, I’d have said “Doc Ock,” and I wouldn’t bother to explain myself…I’d just laugh maniacally.

(via Lindsay Beyerstein.)

El pulpo mecanico

I need a battalion of these. Only question: do I hold them in reserve for my bid for world conquest, or do I succumb to temptation and use it in the classroom to intimidate the students?

(via io9)

(Also on Sb)

Where not to find a date

Would you believe there is an online dating site, run by Randroids? It’s called the Atlasphere, and it’s the most ghastly horrible collection of self-centered narcissists all trying to make themselves attractive by fluffing up their egos even more. Take a look at the excerpts, and cringe. Here’s one example:

I love intelligent, sassy girls, particularly those working in consulting or investment banking (but other fields are great too). Really, nothing is hotter than an accomplished girl in a suit, as long as she is willing to settle down and have my children. I want a girl who will support my ambitions against the naysayers in society.

And that’s not the worst!

I desperately want to know what the flight crew was thinking

I need an explanation. Read this story of a flight that returned to the terminal and police came aboard to investigate a passenger, and please try to figure out what the problem was.

Here’s what we know: the passenger was black, he was reading a book with illustrations of Polish and Italian aircraft from post-WWI, and he had a fanny pack. For this, the flight crew engaged in whispered worries, had the plane recalled before take-off, and brought on police to inspect his book. It’s a mystery.

What possible wicked conspiracy could the flight crew have imagined was going on? Were they afraid of being intercepted and shot down by an Italian triplane summoned by an incantation using magical spell components tucked inside that fanny pack?

Check out the suspicious guy’s web page for clues. He worked with George Carlin for a while…obviously seditious.

You don’t believe airline personnel could be quite so stupid? Read this: in the wake of 9/11, a man was prevented from flying for reading an Edward Abbey book. Also, Harry Potter…but then, we all know Potter is a scary example.

Or read Bruce Schneier, the other blogging Minnesotan with a Friday Cephalopod. The cases described above can only be explained as hysteria and fear mongering, especially given the statistics.

John Mueller and his students analyze the 33 cases of attempted [EDITED TO ADD: Islamic extremist] terrorism in the U.S. since 9/11. So few of them are actually real, and so many of them were created or otherwise facilitated by law enforcement.

The death toll of all these is fourteen: thirteen at Ft. Hood and one in Little Rock. I think it’s fair to add to this the 2002 incident at Los Angeles Airport where a lone gunman killed two people at the El Al ticket counter, so that’s sixteen deaths in the U.S. to terrorism in the past ten years.

Given the credible estimate that we’ve spent $1 trillion on anti-terrorism security (this does not include our many foreign wars), that’s $62.5 billion per life saved. Is there any other risk that we are even remotely as crazy about?

Note that everyone who died was shot with a gun. No Islamic extremist has been able to successfully detonate a bomb in the U.S. in the past ten years, not even a Molotov cocktail. (In the U.K. there has only been one successful terrorist bombing in the last ten years; the 2005 London Underground attacks.) And almost all of the 33 incidents (34 if you add LAX) have been lone actors, with no ties to al Qaeda.