The Norwegians have pissed off the Muslims again

You know those Norwegians — fierce Vikings all, with no respect for the religious. The Students and Academics International Assistance Fund (SAIF) put up a promotional poster, and now the Iranian embassy wants to tear it down (Google translation).

You have offended the feelings of a great nation, said in the letter that SAIH has received from the press chief of the Iranian Embassy in Oslo, Mohammad Javad Hosseini.

I have considered their complaint (well aware that I have no status at all in Norway), and have concluded that…it’s a pretty nice poster. I’d like one.

Kim Jong-il might complain, though. I can live with that.

At last, they found an internet contest I can’t win

It’s stacked against me. They’re trying to raise money for Skepticon IV, and one of their schemes is a set of unreleashed cheesecake shots from the Skepticon calendar, which are obscured now, but donations will gradually reveal the underlying photo. Featured: Jen, JT, and…me.

Oh, man. They’re asking for donations to uncover my photo? I shall be forever unseen. I actually recommended that they do the reverse, and show the photo outright and take donations to cover it up, and we’d be done already. I was ignored! How dare they!

The Fermi paradox explained at last

The Fermi paradox is a question: if other intelligent alien life is present in the universe, why aren’t they here?*

Even if we postulate large numbers of aliens with the technology to visit Earth, we can now explain why they aren’t saying hello. We’ve been broadcasting idiocy into space.

During a recent conference that focused on the possibilities and implications of long-term space flight, a German professor made an attempt at applying Christian theology to extraterrestrial aliens, leading him to ask the question “Did Jesus die for Klingons too?”

We’ve moved so far beyond speculating about how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Now we’re wondering how many Jesii exist in the galaxy.

If other life forms exist in our universe, he said, we should try to understand why Jesus chose to save those from Earth over other civilized life forms from other planets.

Did God reserve his grace solely for Earthlings and abandon the rest of the intelligent creatures in the universe? If not, how did God deal with the sin problem on multiple planets?

One possibility he mentioned is that God-incarnate visited each of the civilized planets and saved each of the races that inhabited them separately.

In order for that to be possible, however, he says multiple incarnations of God would have to exist at the same time. Assuming each incarnation took about 30 years, and based on how long civilizations are expected to survive, he estimates that there would have to be approximately 250 incarnations of God present in the universe at any given time to cover the sins of each civilization.

So picture the poor bewildered aliens parked out there in the Oort cloud, proposing to send a diplomatic mission to Earth. They aren’t worried about us as a threat — star-faring civilizations aren’t going to be intimidated by a species that has barely been able to wobble a handful of missions to their moon, and is even rethinking their space program — but they are going to be considering the other implications of contact. “The humans…next thing you know, the Seventh Day Adventists will be knocking on our doors on Saturday mornings to hand out tracts; the Catholics will be building special schools and flooding our courts with Jesuits; and the Baptists will be telling us we can’t bezorp the paramales with our deedloids or we’ll burn in Hell. And their arguments will be so stupid. Scratch the contact mission, I don’t think we can handle the exasperation!”

And so the earth orbits alone around its star, abandoned and avoided by the more sensible species of the galaxy, like the creepy born-again Jesus-freak at school with the glassy eyes who you avoid having a conversation with because all he wants to talk about is the Bible. Damn you, religion! It’s your fault we can’t commune with the great minds of the galaxy!

*It’s not really a paradox. It’s an observation that can be explained by the idea that technological intelligence is very rare, and so widely dispersed that communication, let alone travel, between them is unlikely.

I get all the obsessive-compulsive kooks

Now I’m being warned to prepare for an “epic shitstorm” from some loony site because, apparently, I misrepresented Anthony Navarro, Jr. by quoting his delusions and threats at length. We’re supposed to get flooded with indignant trolls who will take me down. I haven’t seen any — at least, no more than usual — and I checked the traffic stats to see if there was an assault in progress, and nope, not even a blip. Anyway, now you’ve all got a heads-up. We might get an occasional whimper from them at some time in the future, but right now they seem to be busy enough scouring the web for derogatory comments from deranged nitwits about me (there are plenty!), and I suspect they won’t step out of their little hole in the web.

Aim for the stars, creepy guy!

Wow. It’s just like science.

I wouldn’t say I know all that much about porn. More than the average guy for sure but there is a whole other level of porn aficianado out there that dwarfs mine. It’s the guys who have been following porn for 20+ years and have tens of thousands of posts on sites like Adultdvdtalk and and run blogs about porn who are the real experts who have helped educate me. It’s kind of like what Newton said about standing on the shoulders of giants.

I’ve completely missed out on that kind of education — I’ve wasted all those years studying mere biology.

The weird cluelessness is compounded when you consider that Newton died a virgin, and proud of it.

I get email

I’m not going to post this email I received, simply because it is insanely long, 15,000 words of random caps and peculiar color changes. Just to give you a taste, this is the subject line:

Subject: SCIENCE, AND THEOLOGY {{ Cogent Word for the 100’s of new ears in Science and theology we contacted/called last week around earth }} CHIMERISM, deaths/Wolbachias/satans attack upon Adams Society, ULtra Microbic Life Force/death Force — How does the Harlot called death ride Adams children and cause death and aging??? Listing below — {{ A Brief Word on obamas Buffet taxes, and Word that all most pay their share, Very well stated }} The Holyone has been Shaking Greece trying to tell Germany and all do not feed them any more — Eleanor Mondale and Kara Kennedy Esq; Die at Fifty one, but hours from each other — His Quakes now become stronger to Oklahoma and Canada —- SCIENCE allowed Gamers to finish their Research — “i” gather those of increased knowledge and wisdom…Death and aging now end…..It has begun…Bring home your Missions…Dubai city is soon no longer…..

What I did want to share, though, is that this one is illustrated. Along with the author’s claim that he’s the prophet specifically sent to gather the 144,000 people who get to go to heaven, he included a lovely illustration of his lord and master, Jesus, who just happens to look rather European.

[Read more…]

I guess everything looks Christian to a Christian

I would agree that Christian imagery permeates our culture, unfortunately — but you know, sometimes Jesus isn’t the focus. You wouldn’t know that, though from this list of 50 Films That You Wouldn’t Think Were Christian, But Actually Are. Some I would agree with; The Green Mile, sure, that’s a big ol’ blatant Christ allegory. But the others…whoa.

Would you believe Taxi Driver is a Christian movie? Travis Bickle is “God’s lonely man, working in the modern day equivalent of Sodom and Gomorrah. But instead of simply trying to ‘lead a good life’ or ‘do the right thing’, Travis Bickle turns violence and retribution on those he deems most deserving, to the point where he threatens to tip over into the darkness himself.” Yes, I can sort of see it: a violent psychopath does have a lot in common with Jesus Christ, and of course, every 12-year-old prostitute is actually Mary Magdalene.

I expect there will be a new show put on in church basements all across the country: The Rocky Horror Picture Show is now revealed as secretly espousing Christian doctrine.

Considering that it contains lines like “give yourself over to absolute pleasure”, you wouldn’t think that Rocky Horror would have much time for Christian morality. But in its closing section all becomes clear, as Brad and Janet emerge from their ordeal with Frank N. Furter like Adam and Eve crawling from the vanquished serpent, out of the Garden of Eden and into an unknown future. Throw in Charles Gray as a disappointed, distant God and the effect is complete.

Please do send me photos of your local Baptist minister struttin’ his stuff in fishnet stockings.

Other films in the Christian vein: Eraserhead, Total Recall, Bladerunner, A Clockwork Orange. Bring that list to church (those of you who go to church at all, which probably isn’t many of you) and ask that they be shown in Sunday School!

Funny thing, though: I’m not seeing much correspondence between this list and CAPalert.