I thought it was football that caused the brain damage

So what’s with all the nutty baseball players? First there was Curt Schilling, raving creationist, and now it’s Jose Canseco, space cadet. Fresh off the embarrassment of shooting off one of his own fingers in an accident while cleaning his gun, he’s now twittering about taking over the entire galaxy by riding on comets, and Galactic Beings have used comets as star taxis for eons.

I don’t think he knows much about comets.

Feces & vaginas: Two stinky things that need fixin’

Silicon Valley must really hate women. First, Peter Thiel thinks the world went to hell in a handbasket when women were given the vote (they are insufficiently ardent about libertarianism), and now a couple of guys have created a startup to make probiotic supplements that make your vulva smell like peaches. Along the same lines, they want to sell a probiotic for your pets that will make their poop smell like bananas.

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Them kids just ain’t right

Jaden and Willow Smith, the alien space children of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, have been interviewed by the New York Times. It is a phantasmagorical journey into the minds of two people who have never had to deal with reality, and spend all their time dwelling on shallow deepities. They croon about quantum physics, and how time doesn’t actually exist, because I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and they dismiss other people’s books because There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing. I kept reading to get to the part where their narcissism balloons to enormous size, and then gets sucked into their navels, and they disappear in a burst of solipsism, but it never happened, sadly.

I did get to read about their interpretation of development, though.

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Oh, that guy

Rebecca Watson is going off to China, and she’s already getting veiled threats from some guy called ShenzhenTony. Who? Rebecca did some sleuthing, found out his real name is Tony Ryan, and further, discovered that he’d been formerly known around the web as Coffee Loving Skeptic…and I remember that ass! He was at the center of one of the more surreal bits of psycho MRA drama back in 2012. Coffee Loving Skeptic was one of many skeptics who totally lost their mind over ElevatorGate, who raged at Rebecca Watson, and flung bits of spittle my way on Twitter.

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CFI rebukes a whole lotta jerks

CFI has made an official statement about Melody Hensley, PTSD, and harassment, calmly pointing out the facts…which entirely support Hensley, and reinforces the assessment of certain vicious fucking loons who’ve been running a long-term harassment campaign of being…well, vicious fucking loons. Loons with a lot of time on their hands. Loons who troll.

I stand with Melody, as I have all along.

Signs of the coming apocalypse

Duck Dynasty is being translated into a musical theater production.

Undertaking one of the more audacious theater projects in recent years, the Robertsons — known for their long beards, duck-hunting merchandise and occasional inflammatory remark — are moving to expand their Louisiana-based multimedia franchise with “The Duck Commander Family Musical.” The 90-minute show, with actors playing the family members from A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” as they celebrate the family’s long history from rags to riches, hopes to open in February at the Rio hotel and casino, where the Chippendales show and Penn & Teller are now running.

Nausea writhes uneasily in the belly of this beast.