The Perry Principles

I’m willing to give Rick Perry credit for one thing: he’s very clear on his objectives as a politician, even if those goals are batshit insane. He’s even published a list of priorities for a Perry presidency. These are actually seven reasons to retire him to some patch of parched desert in Texas and leave him to mummify.

He really hates “activist judges”, that catch-all phrase for judges that make decisions conservatives don’t like. His solution? Bog our congress down in appointment hearings that the Republicans will blindly block.

1. Abolish lifetime tenure for federal judges by amending Article III, Section I of the Constitution.

Also, hey, let’s gut the Supreme Court and give all of its powers to congress! Where precedent can be ignored and the crony capitalists can both make the laws and interpret them!

2. Congress should have the power to override Supreme Court decisions with a two-thirds vote.

Meanwhile, let’s bankrupt the federal government and remove its major source of revenue. We don’t need no central government, after all, just let the states each do it their own way. So why is Perry running for president again?

3. Scrap the federal income tax by repealing the Sixteenth Amendment.

The senate is not elitist enough. Let’s just appoint ‘em all — and just think, the starving government can make a little money by selling those appointments to corporate citizens. Senator Monsanto, Senator Boeing, anyone?

4. End the direct election of senators by repealing the Seventeenth Amendment.

In addition to abolishing all income tax revenue (see #3), Perry will require the government to balance its budget every year. $0 in, $0 out. Easy.

5. Require the federal government to balance its budget every year.

It’s not enough that he plans to tear up the established political structure of the entire country, and destroy the federal government…he then wants to turn around and use that gutted national government to compel all the states to obey his medieval social agenda. Consistency isn’t his strong suit, nor is compassion. So, high on his list of priorities we find…slap the gays down.

6. The federal Constitution should define marriage as between one man and one woman in all 50 states.

And after those gays are shut up, let’s get to work on the wimmin. No abortions! Ever!

7. Abortion should be made illegal throughout the country.

And this deranged conservative maniac is being treated as a serious candidate by the media? Madness rules.

The world is upside down in Kentucky

In a weird reversal of the normal state of affairs, the Democratic governor of Kentucky has long been pushing support for Ken Ham’s ridiculous Ark Park…and now his Republican challenger, David Williams, has come out opposing it. Even more interestingly, he argues that the feasibility study was bogus, and that it simply won’t get built. Of course, Ken Ham isn’t happy with that.

Unfortunately, Williams is far behind in the polls, and isn’t expected to succeed in his bid.

Or rather, fortunately. My brain would melt into a puddle that flowed out my ears if I lived in a country where the crazy social conservatives were the pro-science party, while the social progressives were all NewAgey dingleberries who promoted bad science. It sort of saves my sanity that the Republicans tend to be so unremittingly evil on all fronts that the sickly performance of the Democrats doesn’t cause me any major dilemmas. Just constant despair.

(Also on Sb)

“love getting and staying naked”!

It’s almost getting to be a law of human nature, this event is becoming so common.

Meet Representative Phil Hinkle of Indiana. He’s a Republican. He’s strongly against gay marriage — he has voted to make it illegal.

And…you know exactly where this is going, don’t you? Every single one of you out there, even if you haven’t seen it in the news already, are sitting there, nodding your head, rolling your eyes, confident that you already know what this is about.

You’re making me feel totally superfluous, you know? Why should I even bother writing this up, when you know-it-alls can see it coming from a thousand miles away? Dammit, you’re making me feel useless.

Try to at least pretend to be surprised, OK? Just humor me.

Rep. Hinkle tried to score a rent-boy for an evening out on the town this past weekend.

Put on your shock-horror faces for just a minute, please.

OK, now you can stop putting on the act. Yeah, Hinkle browsed Craigslist for young men, found a good-looking fellow with his shirt off, and sent him an email.

“Cannot be a long time sugar daddy,” the email reads, “but can for tonight. Would you be interested in keeping me company for a while tonight?”

The email offers “to make it worth (your) while” in cash, and offers a personal description: “I am an in shape married professional, 5’8″, fit 170 lbs, and love getting and staying naked.”

Apparently, the price of a rent-boy in Indianapolis is $80, plus a $60 tip if he does a good job, plus giving him your blackberry and iPad in a desperate attempt to keep him quiet afterwards. This is good to know in case I ever turn into a homophobic Republican and rent-boy rentals become obligatory.

By the way, I’m a healthy married professional, 5’10”, 195 lbs (and shrinking), and I don’t mind being naked in the privacy of my home, but I tend not to flaunt it, and don’t regard it as a major selling point. Do I need to put these data on my business card? Or is it only relevant if I’m a Republican?

Ron Paul gets no respect

Alex Pareene has a nice roundup of the GOP candidates views on scienceall of them, except Jon Huntsman, are science-denying wackaloons who reject evolution. As we in Minnesota know, that’s actually where Michele Bachmann’s career got its start, campaigning locally against evolution.

But poor Ron Paul. He only gets a brief mention, and it’s to say that he thinks the evolution debate is irrelevant. Au contraire! He fits in perfectly with the other Republican candidates. Watch him declare that evolution is just “a theory” and he doesn’t accept it.

Darn that lamestream media — they just can’t treat Ron Paul fairly. Come out and admit it, he’s a perfectly representative member of the Nutbag Party.

(Also on Sb)

Do we need another dumb Texan for president?

This is awful: Rick Perry’s Texas A&M Transcript is now available online. He was a pre-vet student in college? Unbelievable. This is a fellow wobbling between a C- and a C+ average from term to term. As an advisor, I would have taken this poor student aside in his second year and explained to him that veterinary school is really, really hard to get into — even harder than medical school — and with his grades he didn’t stand a chance of getting in, and even worse, he demonstrated no aptitude at all for the field. I would have recommended that he switch majors and pursue some field that doesn’t require much math and science, instead of limping along to barely squeak through with a degree in a field he’d never be able to pursue further.

And I guess he did that anyway, going into a career that any dumbass can do, Texas governor.

No wonder he can prate about disbelieving evolution: he’s got negligible biology in his education, and he barely passed what little he took.

(Also on Sb)

It’s going to be a long election season…

Rick Perry was asked about evolution by a kid; his answer was both condescending and wrong.

“It’s got some gaps in it,” Perry continues, “but in Texas we teach both creationism and evolution…”

“Ask him why he doesn’t believe in science,” the mother interjects off camera.

Putting both hands on the outside of the boy’s shoulders, Perry, not acknowledging the mother says, “…because I figured you’re smart enough to figure out which one is right.”

On global warming to a local science teacher, he said, “We teach the straight out facts in Texas in our schools. You’ll have to pick those up in our classbooks.”

Perry is the guy who has appointed three creationists in a row to head the Texas Board of Education. He’s a scientific know-nothing who wants to control science education. He’s pretty much looney-tunes, and he’s one of the leading Republican candidates for president.

(Also on Sb)

More tax breaks for the Ark Park?

Why? This makes no sense. Ken Ham is putting up a for-profit theme park, has already got big sales tax breaks from the state of Kentucky, and now we learn that he’s also getting a major break on property taxes.

The property tax agreement means the Ark Encounter would pay 25 percent of the local taxes due on 800 acres of property where the $150 million theme park will be built. Mayor Rick Skinner says the reduced property taxes will generate far more revenue than unoccupied land.

Well, with that logic, we all ought to get tax cuts on our homes to just slightly more than the valuation of an undeveloped lot.

Besides, we’ve been hearing all these glorious promises from Answers in Genesis about how they’re going to be raking in big bucks and getting amazing attendance and creating all these wonderful jobs for Kentucky — but at the same time they go begging for special privileges like a bunch of desperate paupers.

Christians. Yeah, they believe in that poverty crap, all right.

(Also on Sb)