A crime has been reported. A person saw something abominable while they were trying to eat a nice greasy meal at TGI Fridays, and like the responsible conservative adult they are, they surreptitiously took a photograph of the obscenity and reported it on social media. Don’t click through to see the photograph unless you are prepared to witness a horror.
Here’s what motivated a righteous citizen to publicly shame this woman.
Well? Are you horrified?
It’s hard to believe, but some Americans think breast-feeding is a scary and hideous process that ought to be hidden discretely away, like defecation or masturbation. I don’t know what’s wrong with this person. I don’t know who it is, either. I got it from Conner Kendall’s facebook page. She’s the woman in the photo, who was shamed for a normal, healthy, beautiful function, and she didn’t reveal the person’s name.
But she did write a reply, and I include it here for those of you who don’t have facebook.
Yesterday I was shamed on social media for feeding my son in public.
I have been contemplating what to do about it ever since, so here it is.
This picture was taken, without my knowledge, of me feeding my son at TGI Friday’s in Terre Haute, IN.
The man who took this picture was a complete stranger to me, he was sitting 3 tables away from us with his young daughter.He snapped the photo and then put it up on social media (Facebook and Instagram), many of the comments that followed were nothing less than harassing and shameful to, not only me, but every past, present, and future nursing mother.
Over the course of a couple or hours it was taken down and reposted multiple times before it was finally deleted.
I was really very hurt by this act, because I was in no way bothering him, so what gave him the right to shame me?
After I found out his name I responded to him in a private message that read:
Dear Mr. (Name removed, because I’m not bashing like I was bashed),
I just wanted to let you know that I am the mother who was breastfeeding my son at TGI Fridays today. I am also the woman that you felt the need to take a picture of while I was doing so. Then proceed to post said picture on social media in a shameful manner. As I was admiring how adorable your daughter was, you were posting pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram.
While I in no way, shape, or form owe you any explanation I would like to clarify a few things. I did nothing wrong, I turned away to latch my son and pulled my shirt back up when he was finished out of respect for others in the restaurant. I do not use a cover, because my son fights them, screams, and doesn’t eat at all while under them. If he had been screaming because he was hungry then I would be a bad mom for not feeding my hungry child. I did not pump before leaving home, A-because my son does not like to take a bottle and B-because it is my right to feed him any way I see fit wherever I see fit.
I wanted to thank you for showing the public your ignorance and for shedding light on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Through your violation of my and my child’s privacy you have done a few things.
First, you’ve shown your true colors to many and you’ve exposed others who are likewise simpleminded. While you meant to come across as exposing a violation of your rights and the rights of others, you fell into your own hypocrisy. You violated the rights of not only me, but my child. Did you know it is illegal to share the pictures of minors without the expressed permission of their legal guardian? I get that you felt uncomfortable looking at my breasts. Here is a novel idea, don’t look at them.
Secondly, you have given me a platform and a drive to advocate breastfeeding ferociously. You’ve inspired me into a call of action. Rest assured, there will be action. Not only by me, the one you violated, but others like me who feel you violated them and their rights. Those that you are degrading by shaming the act of feeding their child. How I pity those who would actually belittle a mother for taking care of her child.
Third, you have challenged me and my character. You’ve given me the opportunity to display what kind of person that I truly am during a time of negativity. I now know that I am strong, you didn’t break me, in fact you made me stronger. I am kind to someone who has wronged me. Believe me, this is kind…
I am also intelligent, I know all the facts about breastfeeding and I know what I am doing is best for my child. I chose to do it not only because it’s rewarding, but because it is what is best for them. I am resolved, not only in my choice to breastfeed my child, but to do it whenever and wherever I want.
I am backed up and supported, in my choice to breastfeed, by FEDERAL law. Wherever I am allowed to be, I am allowed to feed my child there also. While I appreciate you taking down my photo and backpedalling into a sort of apology…
Know this, I will not tolerate any sort of action like this again. If you post the picture of my child and me ever again I will seek legal action. I will publicly shame you as you have shamed me. I will be supported by a multitude of other moms, dads and advocates of breastfeeding. We will be heard.
I strongly encourage you to educate yourself as well as your daughter about breastfeeding. Breasts are meant to be used to feed our young. It is society that has sexualizes them. Children do not sexualize breasts until they are taught to do so. I pray that if in the future your daughter chooses to breastfeed that she is not shamed and does not have her picture plastered all over social media.
Sincerely,
The AMAZING mommy you photographed nursing her beautiful child.He responded with a very short and, what seemed to me, a very insincere apology in a private message. Never once did he admit his ignorance to the public.
“Why didn’t she feed him before she left home?”
My response- I did, we live an hour from Terre Haute and had already been there over an hour. It had been almost 3 hours since he ate last.“Put a cover on!”
My response- my son hates covers, he fights them, screams, and doesn’t eat under them. So I would have been disturbing your dining experience even more.“I don’t want to see that”
MR- avert your eyes!“Go elsewhere like the car or bathroom”
MR- I was parked at babies R us, not walking all the way there just to nurse. I was eating too! And I wasn’t going to leave my company alone just so I could nurse in private. I will feed my child in the bathroom when every adult eats their meal in there as well.“That’s what nursing rooms are for”
MR- it is my right, as well as federal law, to feed my child anywhere I am allowed to be in any way I choose. Plus, the mall does not even have a nursing room so that argument is invalid.“Should have pumped before they left and brought a bottle”
MR- my son doesn’t like to take a bottle and fusses with it more than anything, one of the reasons we were even in town was to get a new power cord for my pump.“Does she really just have to flop it out for everyone to see?”
MR- I didn’t just “flop it out” I turned away from everyone to latch my son on and when he was finished I pulled up my shirt out of respect for others in the restaurant. So the only thing anyone could see is what is in the picture, and if a little side boob offends you then stop gawking at it. Even if I did just flop it out it’s my business. You see less while I’m nursing than some people show at Walmart, not to mention the posters of VS models in the mall. If I had just been a scantily clad female it would have been no big deal.“If it’s a natural thing then why can’t men carry around urinals and use them wherever, whenever? That’s a natural bodily function too! Same thing.”
MR- first of all milk from my breasts is not bodily waste, and second, unless the reason you have that urinal is because you intend to use it to feed your child, then in no way is it the same as me nursing my baby.“There were children there”
MR- children are not born thinking that breasts, or anything, are sexual. They are taught to think that way by society.“Breastfeeding is a special and beautiful thing between mother and baby and should be kept private”
MR- yes it is special and I am blessed to have such a bond with my child, but if it is so beautiful and special why can’t everyone enjoy it? If a mother wishes to keep it private that is her prerogative, I choose to feed my child when he gets hungry. The act of breastfeeding has the sole purpose of feeding my child, just like bottle feeding. If that is the argument then bottle feeding a child should be done in private as well.“What about the rights of those dining in the restaurant?”
MR- yes what about their rights? Like mine and my child’s?“If the baby was going to get hungry then stay home”
MR- I can’t even justify responding to this, that is how absurd this statement is.It is not the fact that the picture was taken, or even that it was put on social media that bothers me. If he wanted a picture he should have just asked, I would have gladly smiled:)
It is the fact that it was done so in a way that aimed at shaming my child and I, as well as every other nursing mother, for taking care of my baby.
Let’s show everyone that we will not stand for being put down, shamed, and harassed for simply fulfilling our children’s most basic need.
We as a society should embrace the fact that God made mothers able to feed our children from our own breasts. We need to educate ourselves, society, and our children on the fact that breasts are not made to sell lingerie, food, clothes, electronics, and just about everything else out there, we were given them to feed our babies, that’s it.
ALL MOMMIES SHOULD BE ABLE TO FEED THEIR BABIES WHENEVER, WHEREVER, AND HOWEVER THEY CHOOSE!
Hurry and SHARE, SHARE, SHARE, before this gets reported for some ridiculous reason.
SHARE EVERYWHERE, POST EVERYWHERE, AND TAG EVERYONE, because this is not ok.
I know who should be ashamed. It’s not Conner Kendall.
I take it the baby is suffering irreparable psychological damage by being breast-fed?
I feel sorry for his daughter.
AMEN!
I don’t think little kids give a shit. He’s worried about adolescent males, but can’t admit that.
Frank Zappa’s answer to his question “what is the ugliest part of your body” was “I think its your mind”. Zappa was right.
I love her response to that asshole, especially this part. Seems like his attempt to shame her is going to backfire.
All bc his fee fees are hurt by public breastfeeding.
It’s now compulsory to post Ruin Your Day when something like this happens.
FTFA:
Sorry, Ms. Internet Lawyer, but there is no expectation of privacy in public.
Just like federal buildings, landmarks and people in a park, anyone can take photos of them as long as one is on public property, or is not trespassing. Google “photography is not a crime” and/or consult a local lawyer for more info.
woosh
Golly! I wonder what that breast’s D&D stats would be?
Considering that a crucifix is S&M snuff porn under USC2257a it’s probably a good idea to let bygones be bygones.
I breastfed five babies wherever and wherever they needed it and was a La Leche League Leader for several years.
I’ve also proudly sat with my daughters and daughter-in-law in public spaces while my grandchildren have been nursed.
I was very proud of my son when my daughter-in-law told me that when they were discussing marriage and children he asked her about her feelings on breastfeeding and made it clear that was what he wanted for his future children. That is what seeing babies being breastfed does to a little boy!
Whenever I see a Mom nursing her little one in a restaurant or mall, I always giver her a big smile, since I think that those Moms need to know that there are people who are supportive of them.
I’m glad to see that this Mom was emboldened, not shamed, by this incident. I hope that she goes on to take up the cause for other breastfeeding Moms.
So this asshole was so offended he posted his complaint where anyone could see it, but was such a chickenshit that he did not confront her directly? Is that right? By his own criteria, he posted an offensive picture, which I suppose got him more attention, but what on earth is his justification? Sheesh …
I like how he is Just Asking Questions.
I liked this: https://www.facebook.com/339534484703/photos/a.10151680544494704.1073741828.339534484703/10153358264314704/?type=1
And this one: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10206929748628492&set=p.10206929748628492&type=1&theater
First time seeing that. It’s gold.
FFS, I can’t believe crap like this shit still happens. Frequently. $10 says this guy would have been just as
mortifiedahem, concerned to see a woman nursing at a Hooters. As clueless as Huckabee.If she had covered up the boob, that boob wouldn’t have been able to take the photo.
magistramarla @11:
A short anecdote-
I’ve always worked in restaurants and I’ve been a server or bartender for the last 18 years. A few years ago, I waited on a family of four-mom, dad, young child, and an infant. When I checked on them to see how their meal was, I noticed that the mother had a towel draped over her shoulder and was breastfeeding. Back then, I didn’t know one way or the other if public breastfeeding was legal. But it didn’t matter to me anyway, bc I didn’t have any problem with it. I said something to her about it being the little one’s time to eat as well and then I told them I hoped everyone enjoyed their meal.
It was just such a non-issue, that I look at the douchebag in the OP and I just can’t understand why he was so angry.
This is in contrast to story here in Queensland about a man who complained to the owners of cafe of a breastfeeding mother. After indicating that they were breast feeding friendly and then trying to accommodate him in a different part of the cafe, the man still took it upon himself to say something to the mother. The cafe owners decided to ask the man to leave.
http://instantrimshot.com/
I wonder if it was a liberturd, and angry the baby hadn’t ordered something off the menu ;)
Nerd
Not necessarily a liberturd.
Lots of restaurants don’t want you to bring in outside food.
Chigau @22: So she should have left her breasts outside? ;)
NelC #23
and the baby
not that the baby is food…
unless you’re an atheist…
I should go to bed
Frankly, when I’m at a restaurant, I’d rather the baby be fed then have to put up with a hungry and screaming baby while their family eats.
It really does bother me when people pray in restaurants.
@ Glenn #19
Agreed. I do wish this was the standard response to complaints about breastfeeding.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/parenting/baby/breastfeeding/69001362/man-kicked-out-of-cafe-for-complaining-about-breastfeeding-mum
I lost count of the number of times it was suggested I feed my son in the toilets. I don’t eat there…why should my son?
When I see a woman breastfeeding in public, I feel like I’m invading her privacy if I look for more than half a second. We all look around to see the other people around us, that’s normal behaviour. But
lookingstaring for longer than it takes to notice someone exists is rude and stupid, especially in a private moment like that. Too bad the idiot who took the photo can’t grasp that concept.If people don’t like how someone or something looks, stop looking. It’s not hard to do, yet nosy parkers have a masochistic mental disconnect that makes them look at things they claim they don’t want to see. The only “problem” is the one the complainers cause themselves.
auntbenjy (#28) –
As always, don’t read the comments (re: the NZ site). The jawdropping stupidity of some of them is enough to make one register just to reply.
The underlying idea is that a woman’s body belongs to her man and shouldn’t be seen in public. It must be controlled. It’s the exact same sentiment that spawned the idea of burqas as an expression of “modesty”. Of course we want to conceal the egotistical, bratty reasons we have, so it’s a cool idea to invent narratives about protecting children from being oppressed by a sexualized environment. They make no real sense, like all our other conservative (euphemism for stupid but comfortable) agendas, but they’re good enough to get our man elected and keep the status quo. While I’m at it, progress is bad, and progressive is an insult.
When nudity is exclusively associated with sexuality, then the logical reaction to the sight of a woman breastfeeding will be to be outraged by it.
Why for many people nude bodies are just sexual objects baffles me to this day. Maybe growing up with sort of liberal parents who went swimming and sunbathing nude on holidays desensitized me to this kind of thing.
Usernames! (ᵔᴥᵔ) @ 7,
The silly man may, of course take whatever photo he wishes but he may not publish a photo of a minor without the explicit permission of the child’s parent or guardian.
You are failing to grasp that important distinction.
PZ, you should remove the photo.
Taemon @ 33,
I’m going to start a campaign for joined-up brains.
In the meantime, the mother has herself republished the photo to back up her call for the rights of babies and nursing mothers, for the rights they already have in law, to be acknowledged. PZ is drawing attention and making favourable comments about that campaign.
So, mega-fail on your part!
Taemon
Conner Kendall posted it herself, I think she feels comfortable with it being shared.
Usernames! (ᵔᴥᵔ)
So the minute you step,outside you lose all privacy rights? Bullshit. To be honest, I don’t know the laws in the US of A but in most civilised countries you don’t have the right to just take a closeup snapshot of me and post it everywhere (it’s the posting part that is a problem).
Okay, I’m glad that the photo here won’t be considered a violation by her.
That arsehole should have been sentenced to slap by breast.
I remember seeing plenty of people breastfeeding while growing up, both family members and strangers. It wasn’t until i was a teenager that others around me started to treat it as something even worthy of mention.
Taemon @36:
I’m fairly certain she wants people to see the photo. If you check out her FB page, she asks that people share her criticism of anti-public breastfeeding dude. Doing so will automatically share the pic.
Nice, thank you Tony.
@ Felix #30
It seems to me rather that many of those people who are offended by breastfeeding actually think that a woman’s body belongs to them, and are offended by the idea that the woman clearly isn’t doing it for the viewer’s benefit. “How dare she have an agenda that doesn’t involve me; I’m the centre of the universe”.
…
To the excuse “Won’t somebody think of the children”… Think of the children? What, like the one I’m feeding? I’m pretty sure s/he is fine with boobs. And nipples. In fact it doesn’t really matter if the nipple has a breast behind it, most babies will happily try a male nipple if it’s handy.
I was only made to feel uncomfortable in public once when I was breastfeeding my daughter. It was the only time that I didn’t have my enormous, scary husband sitting next to me. Nobody wants to potentially confront an angry man about it… when he arrived the leerers evaporated. Of course, there could be a certain amount of not wanting to piss off the owner type sexism involved.
Taemon, did you even read what she wrote?
It’s kind of hard to miss.
I just don’t really understand the big deal at all. They’re breasts. If anything, women should be allowed to be barechested in public, breastfeeding or no.
It was the “If you post the picture of my child and me ever again I will seek legal action” that made me think she might prefer a repost without the picture.
My favorite part is here’s what he’s saying:
OMG nobody wants to look at that. HEY EVERYBODY LOOK AT THIS!!
In my bookstore I have several comfy chairs in various quiet nooks that I am delighted to direct my customers to when they ask me if there is someplace they can nurse their little one.
I know what you’re thinking, “Oh no! Not the COMFY CHAIR!!!” But I am a heartless bastard.
Women are allowed to go barechested in public, at least here in Canada. Very few do. The judge who set the precedent compared breasts to beards – secondary sex characteristics. Women’s freedom is scary for some.
What an unmitigated and self-righteous a$$hole! Face to face violence against this form of travesty? I can’t condemn!
that guy really needs to look in the mirror a bit. When he says all the little kids he’s with are disgusted at seein a baby get nursed, tells me that the sight turns him on so much that he is ashamed of himself and is trying to absolve himself by projecting his feelings onto others, that no one would question but just accept his projection unquestioningly. Then, the ultimate form of projection, he takes a photo and posts it for the whole internetz to look at, with the bold
assertionquestion, “Isn’t this a disgusting sight?” Without realizing that if it really is so disgusting, why post it with your name attached? Is the intertubez really for posting disgusting pictures? Yeah it CAN be used that way, but SHOULD it? If you are so disgusted, why try to make everyone else disgusted? “misery loves company”? And if you are trying to shame her for nursing in public, you think a phot of it will be shaming? Think about it. If she has no shame of doing it “live”, in public, why do you think she’ll be shamed by a phot of the act and not hold it as “fame”? Like the victim replied, if the sight disgusts you, how hard is it to just turn your back? Why make a scene? If you don’t want anybody to see such an act, why point and shout, “hey everybody, look at this, you shouldn’t see this, look at it!!!”I become infuriated when I read about women’s being “allowed” to do things (such as being “allowed” to breastfeed in public places or being “allowed” to be shirtless in public, as noted somewhere above).* That’s backwards. I’d much rather it be phrased that people and businesses are prohibited from harassing women who breastfeed, etc. I know, it’s semantics, but words have power. The focus should be on the harassers, not the women who are simply feeding their children.
* I’m not criticizing those who used that language here as part of this conversation.]
=============
Most breastfeeding mothers learn very quickly how to nurse discreetly when they are around other people or in public places. I daresay the man who made a big deal about this has been in close proximity to plenty of nursing couples and never even noticed it. Only in rare cases (such as the mother in the OP describes) will a baby need more space and less covering than most babies. Big deal.
As many here have said (also the mother in the story), if you don’t like to look, don’t look.
Don’t even get me started on the disgusting idea of nursing a baby in a public restroom. Disgusting not only for the physical notion of it, but disgusting as in, anyone who perceives breastfeeding as similar to urination or defecation is disgustingly ignorant.
Nursing rooms???
That’s, like, a thing?
Makes sense.
Tony @ #18,
You may have not given much thought to your sweet comment to that family, but I’m sure that the Mom remembered it.
A kind and accepting word like yours is something that a busy and often tired mother is sure to appreciate.
We once attended a La Leche Convention, which meant that there were hundreds of young families which included nursing couples staying at hotels and eating at restaurants in the area. I still remember the awed comments by the wait staff in a nice restaurant that the babies and young children, including my three, were the best-behaved children they had ever seen, and that was over 30 years ago.
David – in some places. Baby/toy stores frequently have nursing rooms. :) When Child 1 was nursing, we’d plan our trips to the Big City so that we’d be right next to Big Toy Store at approximately the right time to go in and make use of said nursing room. It had nice rocking chairs, a changing table and a few free diapers, the works. (all with price tags attached so you could say “oh, this is so nice, I need this!” and walk right out and get it there). It was definitely a lifesaver. I was somewhat awkward with the whole process and preferred to be in private, summers were so hot that nursing in the car was NOT an option, and there weren’t many other choices.
I distinctly remember an argument I had with an attendant at a fitting room at a mall department store who WOULD NOT let me use one of the changing rooms. There was nobody around, all I needed was a quiet out of the way place where I could sit down to nurse for 15 minutes, but god forbid suddenly five people should all show up at once wanting to try clothes on and couldn’t take turns, so no way could I take up space in one of the fitting rooms for a few minutes. I left in tears and still with a crying baby. If it had been me when I was older (maybe another 5 years), I would have just grabbed the nearest shirt off the rack without looking, said I wanted to try it on, and then called the manager on her if she refused to let me into a room. If it had been me now, I would have calmly taken care of things right in front of her, standing in the middle of the showroom floor, and staring her down.
I wonder how much this guy’s disgust was fueled by the fact that he was with his daughter. After all, if she saw it, she might start asking questions or getting ideas about what she’ll be able to do with her body when she’s older, and of course we can’t have that.
That incredibly horrific & disgusting photo looks… really sweet & tender. My first reaction would be “Aww, the little sprout’s hungry too.” not “OMG a boob!?! Think of the children!!”
@6 dexitroboper: That was awesome, thank you.
Righteous rant, Connor Kendall! Key points that bear repeating–
*Taking pictures of other people’s bodies for purposes of public shaming is itself a shameful act.
*If one would like to photograph a strange child, fer chrissakes, ask that child’s caretaker first. Sneaking pictures of other people’s kids (especially for purposes of body shaming their mothers) is creepy.
*”There are little kids here!” Yes, there are, and one of them is trying to eat his lunch, which you just shamed him and his mother for.
Hey, unnamed TGIF dad? You just taught your daughter (you know, the little kid you were so worried about?) that her future breasts are inherently shameful, even, and possibly especially, when used for feeding her possible future baby/your possible future grandchild/ren. How do you feel about yourself right now? (probably proud, because douchecanoe)
I do not, and have never, understood the furor over public breastfeeding. Dude in a restaurant asking me if I brought enough for the whole class while standing over me, leering down my shirt. I didn’t get in his space but he sure did get in mine. Lady on the plane, turned 3/4 of the way around backwards in her seat, staring daggers at me while I tried to nurse my squirmy baby through takeoff so baby’s ears wouldn’t hurt. All she had to do was turn her happy ass back around, presto! No more boob view! How was the fact that I have boobs suddenly other people’s business when I used them to feed a tiny, immature human, to the point where they must go out of their way to insert themselves into our affairs? Was I unexpectedly, non-consensually whapping total strangers upside the melon with a leaky tit? Why no, I was not, therefore whether or not I breastfed was none of their business. In fact, their nosiness made it harder and more disruptive, not easier. I suspect that was the whole point.
Ahem. It’s been awhile, and I’ve ranted about this at length before, but apparently I had a bit left to get off my chest. So to speak.
@David Marjanović #50:
Indeed. The little country church I attended as a child had one in the back of the congregation for those what needed an out of the way place for nursing or occupying a fussy babe, but still wanted to see and hear the service. Generally it was used for the latter, as the women in my church weren’t terribly shy about feeding babies in place. There was also a foyer to the ladies bathroom in an old Sears store when my eldest was wee, complete with benches and changing tables. You could bring shopping carts into that space, too, which was handy when baby needed a feed and one was not yet done with shopping. Generally, IME, carts left outside of restrooms for more than a few minutes tend to not be there when one is done nursing, whether they have items in them or not.
Those are the only two kinds of nursing rooms I’ve experienced, both in older buildings. It would be nice if they were a more common thing.
Why was he staring?
Insulin dependent diabetics can have similar problems. Idiots objecting to injecting insulin in public.
Back in the sixties, we would have called this unnamed man “uptight.” As well as revealing poor behavior, his writing in the message reproduced above gives the impression of a poor grasp of grammar: “I know when a baby is Hungry they need fed.”
Those things don’t inevitably occur together in one individual, but it’s not surprising when they do.
Poor grasp of grammar? No, just a non-prestige dialect. Please don’t bring classism into this.
…Some people really do talk like that.
Except for the capital letter, obviously; but that’s spelling, not grammar. :-)
@60:
Um, I talk like that. It’s a regionalism, not an indication of a narrow mind.
It’s satisfying to see someone given a good dose of reality. Like when actress Haley Atwell (Agent Carter) recently got a tweet that read “Why are you so beautiful?”, referring to a photo of her on a magazine cover. Her response was “Why am I so Photoshopped?”
In so many ways our society has distorted things so that the natural appears unnatural. Death is something that happens in the hospital or a nursing home, away from sight. Breastfeeding is (for too many) something shameful, while a bottle of manufactured formula is considered more natural. Meat is packaged so we don’t have to deal with the icky process of dismembering animals. And of course we spray insecticide everywhere, including on the crops we eat.
Natural has become unclean.
Seriously? What, do they think someone’s shooting heroin into their belly? Never ran into that with my mom when she had to inject. And then she was on a pump for the last 15-ish years of her life, so it was just a matter of pushing a few buttons to calculate and administer her bolus. At worst, people were probably wondering a) Where’d she get that pink beeper? and b) Who the hell still uses a beeper?
Sweet babby, a caring mother, an angry self righteous man, a recipe for a facebook storm. Most of my women friends breast fed, after a glance at an exposed boob the man looks away and engages with the face.
Thank you for this beautiful picture of a loving mother, caring for her child! It reminds me of many classic paintings. Wonderful! We need to see more love in the world.
“Need fed” is perfectly ordinary sentence construction where I’m from, too. (central midwest)
Maureen Brian:
No, in the US it is generally legal to take and publish photos of children in public places without permission. There are some restrictions, but outside of child pornography and similar, they don’t have to do with age.
zenlike:
In the context of the current discussion, that is more or less the case in the US. You have very few privacy rights in public, and most of the ones you do have amount to protection from illegal search and seizure. Even taking upskirt photos is not necessarily illegal.
Disclaimers: IANAL. Just because it is legal does not make it moral.
You guys, I’m kind of freaked out now. Spouse and I are sitting here thinking of all kinds of sentences we construct that way (“the dishes need washed”), and it never occurred to me to even think it was incorrect. If I were to write it out I’d add the “to be”, but nothing about the oral version even hits any of the bad grammar bells in my head (and believe you me, there are a lot of them, and some of them are on a very fine trigger).
Yay, comparative grammar :-)
carlie,
It’s not bad grammar, it’s just a dialectal variation. When such grammatical constructions get labeled “bad” or “incorrect”, it’s because the dialect(s) they occur in are spoken by marginalized people (cf ain’t or double negatives). Complaints about “bad” grammar are generally a manifestation of classism and/or racism.
Here is one mother’s horrible experience breastfeeding at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library:
Her husband was worried about discomfort to others? Possible exposure? It’s a breast and a baby feeding from it. I think he was an ass, and I fully understand why she was angry with him.
I find it curious how this self-appointed guardian of the children’s fee-fees, so worried about the *shock!* *horror!* exposure of at most a handful of children in a place with a seating capacity of no more than a few dozen, was so eager to post the same *shock!* *horror!* on a social media outlet that could potentially expose it to hundreds of thousands of children around the world….
That’s of course common, but it’s not the only factor. carlie herself, for example, isn’t marginalized at all (beyond being a woman, which – in English – has no influence on grammar that anyone has noticed; and she mentioned her husband as using the same construction). What happens a lot is that people assume they are speaking their language right or are at least trying to do so – therefore, any feature they aren’t familiar with must be wrong.
Ragutis @66
It’s happened to me a couple of times. I’ve had a pump for the past four or five years now, but before that. Once was GASP! DRUGS!, and the others were a mix of misogyny and fat-shaming. It was always hugely upsetting as a teenage girl.
Eventually my grandmother started making me go into the bathroom to take my shots when we were in public, though she usually only succeeded in pissing off my mom or my insulin-dependent aunt.
watry @77
So sorry that shit happened to you. Had to suck as a teen. I had a classmate who was Type 1in high school. She had an insulin reaction one day and I was the only one who knew WTF to do. Not often that you can scream “Get some fucking orange juice!” at a teacher and get away with it. My mom got diagnosed (at 20) in the 50’s, and they pretty much told her and her folks that she’d be lucky to make it out of her 30’s. My dad’s friends mostly recommended not marrying her, since she was just gonna die. But through her meticulousness (is that a word? no red squiggle, so i guess so) about her sugar, and the advance of medical science, she made it to 79. And it was Alzheimer’s that got her, not the diabetes.* Those pumps really seem to be a blessing. My only experience is with her’s (Animas), but the tech seems to be advancing so quickly. Medicare paid for a new one every 5 years, and the leaps between the first, then second, then third were really pretty impressive. About as impressive as the differences in the 3 pc’s I went through in that time period. My cousin’s daughter uses those pod thingies, and those seem pretty cool. It’s really like the dawn of diabetic care tech. I guess the new thing about to happen any day now (perhaps slight exaggeration) is a wearable fitbit/smartwatch type glucose monitor that is linked to your pump and together they work pretty much like an artificial pancreas.
Anyway, again, sorry that shit happened to you, but know that science has your back and you have a long future in front of you with no limitations to what you can accomplish or who you can be.** It sounds kind of trite, but a generation or so ago, people weren’t saying things like that to diabetics when they could have and should have.
* My first driving experience was due to an insulin reaction. We were driving back home (Palm Beach area) after having seen my aunt and uncle off for a cruise in Miami. My mom got woozy and I got her to pull over. She sucks down some glucose gel and now I, 13 yrs old, get to drive home. On I-fucking-95. That was pretty goddamn scary.
**Ok, ok… competitive bagel eating might not be the best career choice***, but pretty much anything else is.
***But really, would it be for anyone?
You have all overlooked an important fact: if too many women breastfeed at the same place and time, it can trigger a BOOBQUAKE!!!!! (of course, since Zod has a bad aim, it might hit the next continent over).
I may be in too deep on this grammar thing already, but if “need fed” is OK because it’s midwestern dialect, how about “eat my Fridays”? From my point of view, what this man has written (not spoken) reveals ignorance of basic English grammar. If pointing that out is classist, then I guess I’m stuck with the label.
The company slogan is “Give me more Fridays.”
That ain’t grammatical either.
My pretty 14 year old has been photographed by strangers in public a few times. I know why Alec Baldwin goes nuts on them. Its creepy and rude. It should be illegal. If this guy thinks there is something sexual about nursing a baby then he perhaps he should get busted for disseminating child porn.
Yikes.
…Of course it is. “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously” is grammatical, too.
That’s not a mere “obscenity,” it’s a disgusting affront to decency and humanity everywhere.
They were at a TGI Fridays? I’m getting sick just thinking about it. :(
@ Jake Harban:
You are focused on the wrong thing, entirely. There are some things you just don’t do in public. Things so grotesque, so vile, and so against all human decency that public shaming is the only possible reaction.
I am, of course, referring to carlie @ 71:
and, even worse, What a Maroon’s attempt at #73 to lend support to this desecration.
*evil eye*
Okay, David Marjanović, I’m setting you up for this one. It’s going to be a major cross-over issue event with I Really Am Five Years Old…:
What a Maroon said in #73:
Fair enough as far as you go here. But some constructions aren’t merely beyond the pale, they’re just objectively wrong.
You can justify things such a double negatives as dialectical, regardless of whether they are intended to be emphatic negatives or indirectly rendered positives. A double positive, however, is only and ever a positive without violating all rules of language.
Being reminded that women’s bodies are not playthings for men really brings out the asshole in some men, doesn’t it.
I breastfed my eldest and caught shit about it sometimes and as supported sometimes. My little girl never used a bottle for her baby dolls. She tucked them up under her shirt to pretend to feed them. That disgusted some people because to them boobs = sex. They’d tell me I should make her stop. I never did. Fuck them and their tiny, twisted minds.
Other moms can be so supportive. They’ll stop to tell you you have a beautiful baby and that they think it is great that you don’t feel ashamed to feed your beautiful baby. Those women are the best.
I once saw a class of belly dancers gather around their nursing classmate while she was feeding in public and glare at anyone who walked by with a raised eyebrow like they would pounce on the first person who said something shitty to her. It was a beautiful thing to see. Most people just smile anyway. Babies are sweet and most people like seeing a happy baby whether it’s at the end of a tit or not. Most people aren’t jerks.
I am indeed; though mostly at the grammar, syntax, punctuation, and outright abuse of tense in that meme.
Secondly, there is a glaringly obvious flaw in his logic. We know there are children about, they’re the ones being breast fed. Why on Earth would he think they had a problem with it?
Thirdly, seeing as he seems to be fairly adamant that breasts are sexual body parts that ought to be hidden from the public, it has to be pointed out that surreptitiously taking a picture of said body part without permission and sharing it online puts him way further over the line than she was.
@ Becca Stareyes #26
QFT. My thoughts exactly.
Crip Dyke,
Yeah, right….
Caseloweraz @80,
“Eat my Friday’s” is a classic example of metonymy, which is a very common linguistic trick.
The problem with Friday’s dude is his message, not the way he expressed it.
@What a Maroon, #90:
Take a bow, WaM! Take a bow!
Trust women. That’s what I say to breastfeeding shamers and “lactivists” alike. If society stopped trying to micromanage women’s bodies, imagine all the time and energy we could free up to deal with actual, pressing problems.