I was offended! There was this wildly defamatory rumor spreading around the internets that claimed that beards were disgusting collections of contagious bacteria. This is sort of not true! It turns out that the source was a news report that swabbed a few faces and found fecal bacteria, and squawked about it without context. Reality is that you can find bacteria like that everywhere, even on smooth-faced people. This was not news.
But it is true that a beard expands the amount of surface area on which bacteria can lurk, so it is a fair cop that a survey would find more there. But if you’re going to be a germophobe about beards, you should also be freaking out about head hair, pubic hair, and hair anywhere else. Sneer at my beard, and you must also despise long hair on women.
So when my wife told me, many years ago, that I had a shitty beard, she may have been right? (my beard is now much fuller than it was when I was in my late twenties, so, although it may be a shitty beard, it is not a shitty beard).
PZ:
I don’t sneer at beards, never have. That doesn’t stop a lot of people sneering at my very long hair, being of the opinion that long hair has no business being on the head of a woman over 50 years of age.
Gee, I get it from all N sides: Beard ✔, and Long hair ✔ with a bonus for being on a male ✔ who is older ✔…
@Caine – there’s definitely some weird thing about women “of a certain age” having long hair. I get that a lot too. Some weird cultural thing that women hit a certain age and then should chop their hair off? Like every woman over 40 is required to have short, easy to care for “Mom hair” for some reason? I don’t get it.
Love me… love my fecal matter.
I suppose it all depends on where that beard has been.
drst:
In the States, I think it’s seen as refusing to grow up, as in grow old. There’s still some sense that long hair (worn down) is for girls. That whole maiden thing. Well, I am now at crone stage, and I’m keeping my hair. Fuck ’em.
I keep my hair long because I cannot be arsed going to get it cut every couple of months.
Chigau:
This too. I’m all for minimum maintenance hair.
So you’re saying my ongoing hair loss is a GOOD thing? Praise the lard.
And arsed hair is much likelier to be shitty hair!
I am reliably informed long hair makes inserting head in arse easier — it apparently just sort of slides in — whilst short / prickly hair (and/or beards) hurts. This is probably why most politicians and other heads-in-arse types — most of whom seem to have short hair and no beards — tend to leave their heads in their arses, they don’t want to go through the pain of another insertion. It also might explain why they like to keep digging, it isn’t as painful…
[derail alert] the mention of “redhead” in the OP triggered this derail.
I’ve always been fond of the pale skin, green eyed, redheads who cannot tan, only freckle (or burn). I always kidded that they were mutants amongst us, while giggling at the deliberate mischaracterization. I was gobsmacked to read recently that redheads really ARE a “mutation”, in that it takes the combination of two particular recessive genes to produce a redhead. Aside from the little “feature” of red hair, it has serious ramifications in terms of blood coagulability (i.e. they bleed more, not hemophiliacy, just more) and pain hypersensitivity.
[rerailing]
So dirty beards are so minor compared to redhead worries. You know, that stuff to wash hair, ie: shampoo? Can be applied to beards too. Beards are just misplaced hair, growing from the chin and cheeks rather than the pate. So these stat are just admonishing the bearded to be more hygienic? Understandable, it’s so easy to let one’s beard collect crumbs when eating. The real puzzle is the fecal crumbs. Do these people eat butts? oops {lightbulb} there is an activity that can bring ones beard in the vicinity of anothers butt. I’ll leave it for the reader’s imagination to fill in the details.
———-
How dare they suggest that women scientists need to include a coauthor with a beard to lend their paper credibility, when beards are so unhygienic? Does that imply those extra bacterii in the beard add to the guy’s brainpower.
Or, that exceeding brainpower fuels the follicles of the chin while draining it from the pate (all geniuses are bald, donchano, “no grass grows on a busy street”, smirk, smirk).
re derail addendum:
never, never, & still don’t understand the British slang usage of “Ginger” to disparage Redheads. What does that mean? Why “ginger”? Ginger is not a reddish vegetable, etc, etc.
.
IDK, no answer necessary, just wanted to express myself, Carry on, move along, nothing to see here, carry on…
“The world is covered in a patina of shit.” — Sir William Osler, credited as one of the founders of modern medicine.
@14
Thanks for reminding me of Tim Minchin’s song, Prejudice
#16:
That video has been DELETED, not just “blocked” at this site, but DELETED right off of Youtubez. Can you provide lyrics, maybe? (especially if it explains the”ginger” insultifications).
“oops {lightbulb} there is an activity that can bring ones beard in the vicinity of anothers butt. I’ll leave it for the reader’s imagination to fill in the details.”
As a former beard wearer and an enthusiast for the activity of which you speak, that was the very first thought that came to my mind. (My wife would insert a big eye roll here.)
No idea why red-heads are called “gingers”. Some speculation
here. Never made any sense to me. I only ever dated one red-head, and she sure lived up the fiery hot-blooded stereotype.
a3kr0n:
If it’s been on a poopyhead, it’s bound to get poopy.
ugh, re 17, I googled that for myself and found the song lyrics. it’s easy to substitute another word in to replace “ginger” (I’ll let the ‘muricans fill in the blank). While the song is fully meaningful and heartfelt and thought-provoking, it still does not reduce my puzzlement at why THAT word in particular, is used against the redheaded peoples. The song can be basically TLDR; as “Don’t call us that if you’re not one of us, it’s only for us to call each other, not for outsiders to fling AT us”. (not mocking the lyrics, just trying to summarize)
TMI, nothing to see, carry on…
re #18:
Interesting “speculation site” you included there. I thought the speculation that ginger is derived from Gilligan’s Island is confusing cause&effect. That is, “Redheads are called ginger because Ginger was a redhead”, is switching cause & effect. I would speculate that the writers of Gilligan’s Island chose the name Ginger, for that character, because she was a redhead, since they knew the slang for redhead was ginger. Looks like time for the TARDIS to take me back to that writers room to ask them why they named that character Ginger.
~~~ aside from my perpetual fondness for ~gingers~, I was more infatuated with Mary Ann than Ginger. just so ya know.
Ginger is closely related to curcuma and i can see people confusing the two, easily. Maybe that’s it.
I mostly watched Gilligan’s Island on the family’s old B&W TV, so I didn’t know she was a red-head.
But I too was infatuated with Mary Ann.
The only association for red and ginger I can come up with is the pickled ginger you get with sushi, but I’m pretty confident that’s not where it came from. The spicy hotness angle may have some merit. Whatever, I never use the term anyway. It was not part of the local speech where I grew up.
I always thought “ginger” didn’t mean bright red, exactly, more the sort of reddish-over-light-brown look, which is not so different from the color of ginger root. See, e.g., http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v642/shakespeares_sister/reusables/baby.png
slithey tove:
Well, you shouldn’t. If you ever managed to get past your own nose, you might learn things before ‘joking’, like the history of bigotry against those with red hair of any shade, which led to a lot of people with red hair dying over the centuries. Red hair was not only considered to be of the devil, it was considered to be a sign of defectiveness across the planet.
It gets damn tiresome hearing stupid shit about it, too. When I was growing up, there was no end of people (mostly boys and men) who never tired of teasing or commenting on my hair and freckles. It would be nice if more people were considerate enough to keep their mouths shut.
@22
I think you’re on to something. Just remembered that we have a fresh turmeric root out in the kitchen. Looks a lot like our conventional ginger, but cut it open and you can certainly see the red-head colour inside.
Given that these plants are all members of the same genus, it’s an improvement on the hypotheses offered so far.
“Scurrilous rumors”? I think you misspelled “defamatory smears”.
re 25:
Sorry, I should have been more clear that I phrased it that way so as to be scolding myself for all that “teasing” I used to do. I know it was a bad thing to do, and am talking about it now, to expose my guilt, to teach myself to be a better person. I’m sorry I hit a nerve.
Iran’s hardline mythologists are on the case! Iran bans ‘homosexual’ and ‘devil worshipping’ hairstyles:
Well, Ok, no specific mention of beards, but that’s probably just an oversight. Just look at all those baby-eating blah blah atheist Teh Gay with icky poo beards!
@slithey tove
Here are the lyrics for Prejudice. Search Youtube. There are several videos there. Maybe one will still be valid.
In our modern free-spoken society
There is a word that we still hold taboo
A word with a terrible history
Of being used to abuse, oppress and subdue
Just six seemingly harmless letters
Arranged in a way that will form a word
With more power than the pieces of metal
That are forged to make swords
A couple of Gs, an R and an E, an I and an N
Just six little letters all jumbled together
Have caused damage that we may never mend
And it’s important that we all respect
That if these people should happen to choose
To reclaim the word as their own
It doesn’t meant the rest of you have a right to it’s use
So never under estimate
The power that language imparts
Sticks and stones may break your bones
But words can break hearts
A couple of Gs – jeez, unless you’ve had to live it
An R and an E – even I am careful with it
An I and an N – and in the end it will only offend
Don’t want to have to spell it out again…
Yeah
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
So listen to me if you care for your health
You won’t call me ginger ‘less you’re ginger yourself
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
When you are a ginger life is pretty hard
Years of ritual bullying in the school yard
Kids calling you Ranga and Fanta Pants
No invitation to the high school dance
But you get up and learn to hold your head up
You try to keep your cool and not get het up
But until the feeling of I’ll is truly let up
Then the word is ours and ours alone
Don’t you know that…
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
So if you call us ginge we just might come unhinged
If you don’t have a fringe with at least a tinge of the ginge in it
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Now listen to me, we’re not looking for sympathy
Just because we’re sensitive to UV
Just ’cause we’re pathetically pale
We do alright with the females
Yeah I like to ask the ladies ’round for ginger beer
And soon they’re running their fingers through my ginger beard
And dunking my ginger nuts into their ginger tea
And asking if they can call me ginge
And I say, “I don’t think that’s appropriate!”
‘Cos only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Only a ginga can call another ginga, ginga
And all the ladies, they agree it’s a fact
Once you’ve gone ginge, she can’t go back
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Yeah go ginge, go you funky ginge
Yeah, funky ginger mofo
Yeah, you can call us bozo or fire truck
You can even call us carrot top of blood nut
Yeah, you can call us match stick or tampon
But fucking with the G-word is just not on
If you’re a ginger-phobe and you don’t like us
We will stand up to the fight if you want to fight us
But if you cut yourself you might catch gingivitis
So maybe you should shut your funky mouth
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
So if you call us ginge you can’t whinge if your injured
If you don’t have a tinge of the ginge in your minge
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
And you know my kids will always be clothed and fed
‘Cos Papa’s gonna be bringing home the gingerbread
And they’ll be pretty smart because they’ll be well-read
And by “read” I mean “read” and the other kind of “red”, woo!
Only a ginger can call another ginger, ginger
Only a ginga can call another ginga, ginga
Just like only a ninja can sneak up on another ninja
Yeah, only a ginger, only a ginger, only a ginger, yeah
Are you all listening-a, I’m not pointing the finger
I just happen to sing-a
I’m just remindin’ ya
That only a ginger can call another ginger…
Ginger
Caine,
It’s not just the US.
I discussed this just the other day with a colleague who’s letting her hair grow out a bit. She said that of course she won’t let it get longer than shoulder-length because it wouldn’t be appropriate for her age.
The flip side: I got chastised a couple of times for cutting my hair very short, because I’m supposed to let it grow while I’m young, and only cut it when I get old. “There’ll be time for short hair when you’re my age”.. .heard that enough times.
@9 Caine
Low maintainance? Seems to me having short enough hair so washing it takes only a couple of drops of shampoo and it is immune to brushing is even less maintainance! I tend to just use the same trimmer setting on my whole head for convenience every couple of weeks :-)
The great thing about a beard is you can have a large messy breakfast and carry a convenient lunch with you without having to pack it.
*washes hands then strokes beard thoughtfully*
I heard an older woman who was interviewed on CBC (not sure how old, but I’d guess 50s or 60s – wasn’t stated and it’s difficult to guess from radio voices) say this one time: “when you are older and you cut your hair, you become invisible.” She’s on to something. As she approaches 50, I encourage my wife to keep her beautiful long hair. She has expressed a desire to cut it because it’s easier to maintain. If I had a full head of thick hair, I’d sure as hell grow it out. Unfortunately, genetics are sometimes unkind. Not as thin on top as my uncles, but still need a hat to keep from sunburning.
I wouldn’t mind getting rid of this silly, sparse and speckled with white hairs beard altogether…. except for the moustache. Moustaches are the finest kind of comedy.
What felt more painful was the moment a couple a months ago, when I gave my mother scissors, and asked her to mercilessly cut all the frayed ends of my hair away. About 25 cm was cut off, and I feel that much less of a young man.
She cut it well, and now I don’t have to untangle stupid knots all the time, but it still doesn’t feel right.
Duck Dynasty’s Robertson must have decades of shit in his beard as well as having shit for brains.
@37 randay:
Nah! It just migrated from the beard to (and replaced) the brain.
erik333 @32:
Caine’s comment is context dependent. She isn’t simply talking about minimal hair maintenance in general. She’s specifically talking about minimal hair maintenance for the style of hair she wishes to have. There’s a difference between the two.