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Jan 09 2014

Jesus started the zombie apocalypse…and ended it

Don’t watch this video if you can’t laugh at grossly over-the-top comic horror with buckets of fake blood — do watch it if you want to learn the true story of Jesus.

19 comments

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  1. 1
    Hairhead, whose head is entirely filled with Too Much Stuff

    If you want *real* blasphemy — go to the Catholics, or ex-Catholics!

    It reminds me, has anybody else seen the trailers for “Son of God” due this Easter? It looks as bad as “King of Kings” (1961) starring Jeffrey Hunter. It was called within the film community, “I was a teenage Jesus”.)

  2. 2
    Brian E

    Giggle.

  3. 3
    Ray, rude-ass yankee (now in HD-3D!)

    Damn, that was funny! But didn’t Jesus end up as a zombie himself, eventually, in the babble story?

  4. 4
    Charlie Foxtrot

    Now here’s a group who deserve $29 million. After that, I definitely want to see a feature length “once upon a time in Jerusalem”!

  5. 5
    sigurd jorsalfar

    Tabernac!

  6. 6
    Greg Laden

    I am just now watching The Walking Dead (I think I may be the last person to do so). There is a very funny line in the beginning of the third season, by Hershel, who starts out as a fairly religious guy who was pretty sure god was more or less on his side. He references Jesus and in one sentence explains the Zombie apocalypse in a way that would make you laugh.

    I won’t give a spoiler, though.

  7. 7
    Inaji

    Cowboy zombies! That was fab. Loved Jesus screaming his head off at first.

  8. 8
    ChasCPeterson

    Jesus wept screamed like a little girl.

    Then weilded a mean sawfish.

  9. 9
    chigau (違う)

    I am speechless.
    That was the best Jesus movie, evar.
    No one need ever make another.
    Well after that Jerusalem one.

  10. 10
    psanity

    I dunno. I think my favorite is still Jesus Christ, Vampire Slayer.

  11. 11
    chigau (違う)

    Don’t denigrate little-girl-screams.
    That shit will disintegrate your eyeballs.

  12. 12
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    That was actually funny
    Only a little drawn out. I think they watched too much Peter Jackson in advance.
    And I’m sorry that it’s probably not appropriate to show this in a Spanish class

  13. 13
    redwood

    Shouldn’t the title be “Fish of Jesus”? Loved the vampire Lazarus–totally didn’t see that one coming. The cowboys were great too. After that it kind of floundered.

  14. 14
    vytautasjanaauskas

    They stole my fucking movie idea! I swear I had this very same idea 5 years ago when very high.

  15. 15
    gussnarp

    I thought of something like this at my grandmother in law’s funeral. She was a Jehovah’s Witness and they believe in a bodily resurrection. So the pastor read this:

    “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

    Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

    So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”

    When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

    and then went on with some thing about Jesus raising them all up as an army for Armageddon or something like that and my wife leaned over and whispered in my ear “So, zombies?” I managed not to laugh out loud and reveal the atheists at the back of the room. But seriously, they never say “And lo, Lazarus did not smell…”, so what else should we think but that he was a half rotted walking corpse?

  16. 16
    gussnarp

    This does explain why Judas handed him over in the end. It wasn’t the 30 pieces of silver, it was the blood. So. Much. Blood.

  17. 17
    David Utidjian

    “Merry Fistmas”

    LOL

  18. 18
    Inaji

    David:

    “Merry Fistmas”

    :raises one eyebrow: That puts an…interesting spin on things. :D

  19. 19
    jimroberts

    Reminds me of Innocence of Muslims.

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