Dec 17 2013

I picked the wrong moment in history to become a vegetarian

Because here and now, in this shining moment of time, the Chthucken has been invented.


I could weep. Just a few years ago, I could have had the glory of bringing this out to serve the family on Christmas day.


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  1. 1
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    What IS this thing?

    Chicken stuffed with octopus, crab legs grafted on?

    Holy crap?

    Okay, I just have to ask:

    AC, HD, ATT/DAM, & any special qualities?

  2. 2
    some bastard on the internet

    Holy-Thor’s-balls! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

    And then grab some butter and cranberry sauce!

  3. 3

    The bacon strips pull it all together

  4. 4
    Desert Son, OM

    Crip Dyke at #1:

    AC, HD, ATT/DAM, & any special qualities?

    And for those serving the Chaosium version this season, how much is the SAN loss?

    Still learning,


  5. 5

    Maybe you can figure out how to make a tofurthucken?

  6. 6

    Where does one put the apple?

  7. 7
    Al Dente

    After looking at that picture, I’m reminded of Lloyd Bridges’ line from “Airplane!”:

    Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

  8. 8

    It’s allowed in vegetarianism if its death was for the good of all life, right?

  9. 9
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Where’s the wish bone?

  10. 10

    my sister did an impromptu thanksgiving this year (with another vegan). I asked her what they made and she said “tofucken” XD hahaha.

  11. 11

    Now that brings new meaning to “surf and turf”.

  12. 12

    It’s just not really Christmas without the annual roasted headcrab.

  13. 13

    I remember seeing that picture years ago. Not sure how many years.

  14. 14

    Behold: the thing that ate baby jesus

  15. 15

    Garcon, which wine would you recommend with the roasted headhugger “a la black mesa” ?

    Hey, if there’s a trans dimensional leak filling you universe with unimaginable horrors, you might just as well make the best of it…

  16. 16

    Gaaak. That’s just so… wrong.

  17. 17

    Wait, PZ, you’re a vegetarian?!

  18. 18

    yubal @13…

    I remember seeing that picture years ago. Not sure how many years.

    …oh, I’d say probably about two years ago ;)

  19. 19

    What else can one say but Omnomnomnom…

  20. 20

    I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe – dread visions stirred from the darkest, most troubled depths of the subconscious, horrors to sear and scar the mind,. sights so awful that only the fear of the nightmares that chase me unseeing in sleep stopped my from gouging out my own eyes. But I’ve never seen anything that chilled my soul so much as this. The horror. The horror.

  21. 21

    Looking at my copy of Genesis, I can state with some authority that this creature was created on the fifth day. That’s positive proof that God exists, so no more of this “Happy Holidays” bullshit.

  22. 22

    johnlee @21
    But I’m pretty sure the bible says you can’t eat this (Leviticus somewhere?). What a shame.

  23. 23


  24. 24

    Barftastic. They managed to do something worse than the turducken. Now I want to be a vegetarian, too.

  25. 25

    anuran @3:

    The bacon strips pull it all together

    because of course, everything is good with bacon.

  26. 26
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    Chicken, octopus, spider crab (I think), and bacon?

    I’m in. Someone pass me a fork.

  27. 27

    Needs more bacon, but otherwise looks like a great supper!

  28. 28

    A leg for everyone!

  29. 29

    The Christmas meal that eats you -

    Although if you are really worried you can give it a quick kick in the tentacles

  30. 30

    Needs less octopus and nightmare. One star!

  31. 31

    I’m relatively strong stomached but that thing is a fucking abomination…

    …oh…wait…that’s the point.


  32. 32

    The Dinner Table of Dr. Moreau

  33. 33

    Now I know what dish to bring to the department potluck.

  34. 34
    lurker in a strange land


    I work with this guy and got to see this monstrosity up close.
    No, I did not eat any of it. I hate seafood and for me there are some things that even bacon can not overcome. I lost some sanity just from the smell.

  35. 35
    sornord sornord

    Did I see that once in John Carpenter’s “The Thing?”

  36. 36

    Surely a veg*an equivalent of this is possible? Sculpted nutroast centrepiece, and what’s the most tentacly-looking vegetable? Maybe those big long bean pods, if you boil them till they’re floppy enough, with little slices of onion pasted on for suckers.

    You might need a nice side dish to actually eat, though.

  37. 37


    Why don’t you stuff a gopher in a duck in a chicken and gophucken yourself?

  38. 38

    Is there a summoning spell for that in the Omnomnomicon?

  39. 39

    How can you claim GMO’s are good after looking at that? At least it doesn’t have fur.

  40. 40

    I’m with Thumper and Unbound – Give me a seat at the table.
    I’ll try just about anything, and turkey (it looks too big to be a chicken, but chicken is good, too), crab legs, calamari and bacon? There’s nothing wrong with that combination. It’s all in the presentation!
    Add a few sauces, some garlic mashed potatoes, some nice roasted vegetables, a pumpkin and a mincemeat pie with freshly made whipped cream, a nice California wine and that’s a holiday meal that my hubby and I would enjoy.

  41. 41
    Crimson Clupeidae

    anuran@3: Good eye, I didn’t even notice the bacon at first.

    Someone save me a piece.

  42. 42

    If you click on the LA Times link, they alternate between spelling it “Cthuken” and “Cthulken”. I think I prefer it with the “L”.

  43. 43
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened


    I think you’re right, that does look too big to be a chicken. But I think it would work better with chicken, flavour-wise.

  44. 44

    You could do the whole thing as a sculptured cake.

    Also, I think it’s a turkey, not a chicken.

  45. 45

    I’m with anteprepro @ 12, most definitely a headcrab a la half life.

  46. 46

    Clearly a Great Old One.

    So, he isn’t neither animal or vegetable, nor he is from this world; i think you can eat it and still be a vegetarian.

    Seems delicious, but i would eat it with some boiled potatoes (with skin), that go (after boiled) for a few minutes to a grill (with a fire made of wood) and later coated with a mixture of hot olive oil and very lightly fried garlic in the same olive oil.

  47. 47

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

  48. 48

    Tony @9

    Where’s the wish bone?

    Crushed into an unrecognizable slurry, along with the glimmer of hope and the sense of joy, by the unrelenting tentacles of despair and then discarded.

  49. 49
    Rusty NaN

    My wife and I called it ‘cthurkey’ when we served it to our friends.
    Fortunately, they’re still friends!

  50. 50

    Fernando @46

    So, he isn’t neither animal or vegetable, nor he is from this world; i think you can eat it and still be a vegetarian.

    On what world is bacon ‘not animal?’ For that matter, what about turkey, octopus or crab?

  51. 51

    This is the closest I’ve seen to an image that would give me Cthulhu nightmares.

  52. 52
    Gregory Greenwood

    Kill it! Kill it with fire!

    This is what happens when you let Dr Frankenstein arrange the catering…

  53. 53

    I’m somewhat surprised and disappointed that after 52 comments nobody has admitted to seeing the thread title and thinking of Lloyd Bridges. Except me, now.

  54. 54
    Marc Abian

    Comment 7 did, Trebuchet. I’m not angry at you, just somewhat surprised, and disappointed.

  55. 55

    They forgot the side of head cheese.

  56. 56
    Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority)

    jamiejag @50: It’s universally acknowledged that bacon is, in fact, a vegetable. I saw it on a T-shirt, so it must be true.

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