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Dec 16 2013

Oh, cruel readers

I get up this morning to discover the first thing in my inbox is a link to Joe Rogan. You would think I’d know better by now, but I…clicked…on it, and now…

I can’t get it out of my head. Joe Rogan’s penis — it’s just there, everywhere he goes, separated from our eyes and our hands by nothing but a few thin layers of fabric, and a zipper. A zipper! Easy access, just a little gentle tug, and it comes down — it’s as if he’s begging everyone to expose his penis. He may try to tell you with his mouth that he doesn’t want to be cock-punched, but his pants say otherwise. If he really didn’t, he wouldn’t be walking around in that thin t-shirt, those jeans that don’t obscure the delicate bulge of his genitalia, his legs that scissor back and forth as he walks, highlighting his crotch.

How weird is it that he wears those pants that fit snugly and have an instant access door to his most private parts? Maybe if he wore a kilt it would drape and obscure his area, rather than emphasizing it.

28 comments

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  1. 1
    birgerjohansson

    He should follow the lead of the Black Adder and get a big Russian codpiece.

  2. 2
    dingojack

    Birger – Perhaps PZ doesn’t know any big Russians?* Would a Putin cover-all codpiece do?
    Dingo
    ——–
    * or for that matter, tooled-up big Russian cods

  3. 3
    jehk

    Ug. I started to read the comments. I feel sick now.

  4. 4
    Calaban Alleria

    I could only watch a few seconds of that – Fox is really leading the pack in the race to the bottom.

  5. 5
    birgerjohansson

    “Fox is really leading the pack in the race to the bottom…”

    …and? What is your point? :)

  6. 6
    birgerjohansson

    Calaban Alleria,
    Watch out for the upcoming reality show, “America’s Next Stripper”.

  7. 7
    Jafafa Hots

    On somebody’s recommendation I downoaded and listened to (the first few minutes of) his podcast.

    Not only is he a moon-landing denier etc., he’s a PUA MRA whatever-other-acronyms-stand-for-sexist-asshole too.

    Possibly a “libertarian” also… definitely one of those “I’m successful so nobody else has any excuse not to be” types.

  8. 8
    Jafafa Hots

    How can you race to the bottom when that’s where you started?

  9. 9
    David Marjanović

    Bottom? There is no bottom.

  10. 10
    Jackie, all dressed in black

    Yes, he’s sexist, transphobic and not very bright. He thinks he’s communicating with interdimensional critters when he trips and his fans like to send rape threats to people who criticize him. He’s awful and so are his fans.

  11. 11
    Calaban Alleria

    How can you race to the bottom when that’s where you started? =
    Yes – good point.

  12. 12
    Bernard Bumner

    The take-home message is that he can’t stop thinking about your vagina (whether or not you have one) if you’re a dress-wearer.

    Even though the thing he can actually see is the possibly top of your leg (or your knee, or ankle, or the heel of your shoe – basically any point between the floor and your thigh, depending on hemline). For him, that is tantamount to looking straight at your vagina.

    Even though the actual amount of exposed vagina is probably exactly the same as if you were wearing trousers, or a spacesuit, or if you were standing in a wardrobe.

  13. 13
    twas brillig (stevem)

    Joe Rogan? The same guy that SyFy gave a show called “Joe Rogan Questions Everything” ? Not expecting much facts from SyFy, I watched the episode about “chemtrails”; and while he didn’t positively *debunk* the “conspiracy theories”, he left some serious questions for the paranoids about what “chemtrails” really are. So… , anyway… , where was I going? Just wondering about Rogan, is he “playing both sides”? Why is he an issue at all?

  14. 14
    mrevan

    My first thought was “are these guys advocating burkas?” Then, they kinda-sorta did. I almost agree with them that dresses and skirts are weird. I think I’d go the other way with it, though. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been walking around (not far from Hollywood) and wished I could trade pants or even shorts for a micro-mini. I’m sure it would be less sweaty than jeans when it’s 80 degrees in December. I bet my ass would look great in it, too.

    …I wonder how hard it would be to convince Joe of the superiority of a nice skirt.

  15. 15
    Bicarbonate is back

    I wish people would stop using the word “vagina” for female genitals. The vagina is only one part. In its entirety it’s called a vulva. Calling a vulva a vagina is like calling a penis a meatus.

  16. 16
    Inaji

    Bicarbonate:

    The vagina is only one part. In its entirety it’s called a vulva.

    Yes, buuuuuut…vulva just doesn’t have the same flair as vagina. And vulva doesn’t lend itself to wonderful word play like Vagenius!

  17. 17
    ibbica

    @Bicarbonate & Caine… whatever you do, don’t confuse the V’s!

  18. 18
    Ray, rude-ass yankee

    Don’t know if this will be thought inappropriate, but I thought it was funny, so here goes: Vagina-punched

  19. 19
    ChasCPeterson

    I wish people would stop using the word “vagina” for female genitals. The vagina is only one part. In its entirety it’s called a vulva. Calling a vulva a vagina is like calling a penis a meatus.

    nah, that’s incorrect. The vagina is entirely an internal structure; it’s an tubular organ made of muscle and epithelium. ‘Vulva’ on the other hand refers only to the external genitalia. Therefore ‘vulva’ and ‘vagina’ are mutually exclusive, strictly speaking. The penile meatus is not a structure at all, it refers to the hole or opening. The analogous term would therefore be ‘vaginal opening’, ‘vaginal orifice’, or for Latin-o-philes, ostium vaginae.

  20. 20
    =8)-DX

    I was gonna have a snarky comment, then I listened to their comments on weight.
    First: WTF are you not counting metric?
    Second: google the weights:
    80 pounds = 36.2873896 kilograms
    115 pounds = 52.1631226 kilograms
    WTF?
    I LIKE small female bodies – it’s one of my things. But my ideally-sized ex-wife was 60 kgs: does this apply to men as well? Would I be ideal at 35kgs? Is anorexia some kind of cultural fetish?

    Sorry if I’m spouting in this comment – but I really don’t understand the “standard” cultural norms surrounding weight – especially from USAians. Is the ideal female partner supposed to be someone suffering from food anxiety and metabolic deprivation (although I support those people and know that they need help and understanding from society)? It sounds like another iteration of the American Dream™, where just because a majority is over a certain BMI, those who due to chance, genetics or privilege happen to be under a certain bar are… objectified and fetishised?

    Daaah! Please explain people, and sorry for the ramble.

    =8)-DX

  21. 21
    =8)-DX

    Also: I advocate for it being legal to walk about in underpants everywhere in the world. And one day there will be super-material-elastic pants which will be so cool that slight bulges and shapes will go entirely unnoticed.

    That or catsuits.

  22. 22
    Nemo

    @Calaban Alleria #4:

    I could only watch a few seconds of that – Fox is really leading the pack in the race to the bottom.

    This isn’t Fox, it’s two dudebros commenting on a video from Fox.

    BTW, is Joe Rogan even in this? Like Calaban, I could only stand the video for a few seconds, but I didn’t think I heard his distinctive voice.

  23. 23
    timgueguen

    Rogan should stick strictly to MMA play by plays, which he is good at. Otherwise he should probably wear a gag in public to keep from embarrassing himself.

  24. 24
    ck

    Jafafa Hots wrote:

    How can you race to the bottom when that’s where you started?

    Easy: They have shovels. And backhoes. And explosives. They’re pushing the limits on how low the the bottom can possibly be!

  25. 25
    lorn

    Don’t mention codpieces anywhere near Vladimir Putin. He would really love to wear a codpiece if he knew they existed. Anything to emphasize his virility. You know he would.

    So let’s not go there. Mums the word.

  26. 26
    verimius

    I know nothing of this Joe Rogan person, and I’m happy to keep it that way. Luckily I don’t consume whatever media he appears in.

  27. 27
    erik333

    @26 verimius

    You’ll want to stay away from fear factor and the UFC.

    @22 Nemo

    It’s from Joe Rogan podcast, he’s talking from second one…

    @20 =8)-DX

    Afaict 80 pounds was suggested as a mocking joke of the guy liking “petite feet”.

    @7 Jafafa Hots

    He’s a libertarian for sure “except when it comes to children” whatever that means.

    @10 Jackie wishes she could hibernate

    Transphobic as in the Fallon Fox shitstir or something else?

    @14 mrevan

    It’d probably be hard, considering to what lengths he explained how exposed he would feel in one. Maybe if he could do it without sitting down, or if it reached past the knees.

  28. 28
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    I gave up when he started claiming that women have an advantage when it comes to alimony laws because dresses. I got about a minute in. What an arse.

    Also, is he unaware of the kilt?

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