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Nov 12 2013

[Lounge #441]

giraffe

This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly.

Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread

700 comments

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  1. 501
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    *hugs* all round, for them as wants.

    Gilliell #488

    The only book series I know where there are “working mothers” as just something that is are Tamora Pierce’s Tortall book

    The Stephanie Harrington books (David Weber)
    also meet that criteron, I’d say. Not to mention the better written fantasy series involving farm families; everyone works, as is historically accurate.

  2. 502
    chigau (違う)

    So.
    The Body Snatchers got them again.

  3. 503
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    For me it’s all about being in a completely different location, back to something more familiar to me (from a nostalgic sort of point of view – I mean, street signs are in English again!!)

    Well, “Aenglshi,” btu clouse aenough. :)

    In other news, senior project mid-semester presentation went well I think, and I have a 150lb heat exchanger in the back of my car. >.>

  4. 504
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    chigau,

    I’d ask you who, but how can I know Body Snatchers didn’t get you too

  5. 505
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    The only reason I keep seeing for why school districts don’t do this is that it pushes afterschool athletic activities too late into the evening.

    There’s also the religion-inspired perversity that being up early is inherently virtuous, and the endless noisily-sucking-off-the-status-quo that passes for “sage life advice” in various circles. >.>

  6. 506
    opposablethumbs

    This car shit is infectious, isn’t it. Must be propagated via the internet.

    Less than two weeks after the cost of the annual MOT plus attendant repairs plus renewing expensive parking permit – one of the rear shock absorbers audibly and sensibly went spoing and died on the way home two nights ago. Would cost about as much as the car is worth, probably.

    I haven’t got up the nerve to get an estimate yet.

    Fuck.

  7. 507
    rq

    Yeah, sorry for starting the trend… We got some major unexpected repairs done in September that put us back into debt (well, a bit more into debt than we were before that, which means back into debt because we’d planned out exactly how we could cover the debt we already had…).

    Good luck, everyone, with car repairs!!!

  8. 508
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    So, I know that kids frequently dream about going to the tilet an then pee in bed.
    When I got up this morning I saw that the lights in the bathroom were on, which is usually a sign that the little one went there at some point during the night. When she got up she told me she’s had a “mishap” in the bed. When I urged her to get rid of the wet pants, they turned out to be dry. So is the bed.
    Apparently she did it the other way round: dream about peeing in bed and went to the toilet :)

    +++
    Talking about car-woes, mine’s in for repairs, too.
    Nothing major and we’re not poor, so, yes, I shine privilege out if my ass that way.
    But that part, it breaks down every other year. And since there are two of them They need to be repaired like one every year.
    So the story unfolds like this:
    Me: Honey, the car is making strange noises. I think the damn part X is broken again.
    Mr takes his dad* for a ride. They agree there’s a strange noise, don’t know what it is but dismiss damn part X.
    Mr takes it to the mechanic, who needs two test drives to get an idea where to look at.
    Guess what’s broken…
    +++

    *I don’t know why. His dad’s working knowledge on cars is 30 years old and has withstood any updates.

  9. 509
    rq

    Giliell

    withstood any updates

    :D It’s like they tried to ‘ruin’ his knowledge by updating him, but he has successfully repelled all attempts.

    From last thread, re: Tamora Pierce. Yes. I only recently read her Immortals series (which, I believe, has characters from the Tortall books – or are a part of the Tortall books?), and I was amazed at her range of characters. And I caught myself thinking that maybe, hey, more than half of the characters are women! At least for the first book. But it was awesome! And a couple were mothers, with children, and responsibility, and it wasn’t all about how tough it is to balance these things – they went ahead and did their jobs and mothered their children and hugged them, and had some mild sexy-talk with their husbands, who were people in their own right… It was great!
    And I would have read these books a lot sooner if someone had bothered to mention that the first one opens with ponies!!!! Because horses and ponies! Would totally have caught my eye back when I was 11 or 13 and was reading anything even remotely horse-related. (Sadly, I admit I did not discover TP back then, and I can’t figure out why.)

  10. 510
    bassmike

    Here’s my *hugs* for the pile for anyone who needs them.

    Dutchgirl: I hope everything goes well.I look forward to reading about Dutchbaby.

    I think my car needs a new exhaust. Like Giliell at 508 I am priviledged enough that it’s no major concern except for the hassle. My sympathies to those with more severe and costly car troubles.

    Nothing much else to report. Just thought I’d drop in to say hi and to drop off the hugs.

  11. 511
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    So, in re: blogging of the Crip Dyke which was discussed some time back.

    There’s an old website of an org which I helped found. It’s been sitting unused, unupdated for some time, though folks still read it and make use of its resources. I’d like to update it, but, again, have no time for learning site-management or web-deve skills.

    Is there anyone here who would be willing to do add some functionality to an old site (adding blog functions to a static site & maybe reorg content & links) while maintaining strict confidentiality so as to preserve a wall between my off-line ID and my on-line ID?

    The website in question is a social justice site, but I won’t link to it for obvious reasons. Hopefully you can decide from your own reading of my comment history if you think a less confrontational but otherwise still very Crip Dyke-y project is worth your time.

    Cross-posted to Thunderdome, since I know that not everyone reads both.

  12. 512
    rq

    Hey, look, another one!

  13. 513
    rq

    Crip Dyke
    Well, except for the less confrontational part (I like your confrontational aspects), I would make the effort to go read! Unfortunately, I can offer no practical help.

  14. 514
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I am confrontational away from my Seedy identity when I need to be and/or when the situation calls for it. But there have been reasonable requests from partners and others to take more care with what I say with my name attached for safety reasons…and also b/c different audiences require different approaches. Chilling with a bunch of secular, atheist-to-reform NY Jews talking about family and social pressures? No problem calling bullshit. Challenging a professor on something said in class that is not okay but a refutation of which would take valuable class time away from learning (for myself but also and more importantly for fellow students)? That has to be done in a limited, polite way. It just does. Likewise, the website I’m discussing is not targeted at readers interested in snarky refutations. It aims to help the vulnerable, and I need the website to be welcoming in a way it might not be if it was easy to link back and forth between Seedy and that Other Name.

    Keeping the IDs separate doesn’t prevent someone from making the connection, but it does make it possible for me to argue against someone engaging in a would-be-smear that the very fact that I keep these separate is a clear show that I am sensitive to context (to audience, time, and place) and that I am willing to be proportionate and professional in my responses. When you challenge oppression as often as I, you kind of have to be above board if you want to maintain relationships. I’m not perfect, but having these separate IDs helps.

    =======
    On the plus side, thank you very much for your offer of help. The willingness matters, even if you don’t believe you have any practical help to offer.

  15. 515
    rq

    It was a shaky start, but this short look at ageism ended up quite interesting (the third videoclip in the presentation is the best).

  16. 516
    rq

    Crip Dyke
    Hmm. Actually, that might be educational reading for me (being somewhat confrontational myself, when pushed into interaction, and not very good at being non-confrontational – this is why I don’t work a people-job). I hope the project works out for you (keep us posted, please?)!!

    And Seedy. :) *heh heh* Reading it like that just puts a completely different spin on your initials. Weird how the mind works, because it actually took me a moment to figure it out.

  17. 517
    Portia

    CD –

    I’d happily help if I were tech literate. I hope you can find some help.

    I have a hug here for you, I’m loading it into a slingshot to toss it across the country. *hugs*

    I work really hard at calibrating my responses to people in terms of confrontation quotient and context. Of course, some people, no matter what you do, will deride you for being too strident. Or whatever they can find to deflect from thinking about what you’re saying. It gets exhausting but finding sanctuary here really helps.

  18. 518
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    some people, no matter what you do, will deride you for being too strident. Or whatever they can find to deflect from thinking about what you’re saying. It gets exhausting but finding sanctuary here really helps.

    QFT

    …and…and…[snag!] got it! Hug received.

  19. 519
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    rq
    Hehe
    I’m looking forward to the time when the girls are big enough to be drowned in all my fantasy books. Yes, the character I was actually thinking about was Alanna, who shows up in all the series that play at that time and who’s the protagonist of the original “Song of Lioness” quartett. Funny enough, I read the Immortals first, too. Better said I read “Wild Mage”, realized that I’d stepped into the middle of a story, so to speak (even though all series can be read independently), went to read the Alanna books and came back then. It’s like meeting old friends.

  20. 520
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Purring kitten now on my belly apparently wishes I would do less typing, more petting.

    Sigh. My troubled, troubled life on display.

  21. 521
    Portia

    CD:
    :D :D

    Has anyone read The Light Between Oceans? My informal excuse-to-get-together-and-eat-pastries book club just chose it.

  22. 522
    Portia

    Giliell, rq:

    I have a Tamora Pierce book waiting in my physical book queueueueue. I gave one to S’s daughter last year and she ate it up – I think she read 150 pages the first day she got it. I love hearing all the good things – makes me all the more eager to get into her work.

  23. 523
    rq

    Crip Dyke
    Never deny the demands of the Purring Kitten. Never! Never!! Except when typing on the internet, hehe.
    And I’m sorry you’re under the rulership of such power, vanity and selfishness. I would recommend starting an underground resistance movement, but the trouble is, I don’t even want to resist anymore… *scritches* and *purrs*

  24. 524
  25. 525
    rq

    A look at skinny-shaming vs. fat-shaming and the intersection of privilege (very interesting!).

    Ah, (Canadian) conservatives, you really don’t get it – this time around, feminism.

  26. 526
    Dhorvath, OM

    Crip Dyke,
    “This foe is beyond any of you.” Ha!

  27. 527
    thunk: y'all know ageism is a thing?

    hello all!

    cool. things are.

    *sigh* also why do I get misgendered so often, people tell me I pass rather well, but I really don’t and I have no idea why.

    also how do I get this to stop. or at least work up the courage to tell people i’m rather annoyed by it.

  28. 528
    Pteryxx

    *offers anklehugs to thunk* Wish I had better advice to give. …Um, would you *like* random advice, or just the sympathies for now?

  29. 529
    cicely

    Yup. We’re fucked.
    -

  30. 530
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    thunk: My deepest empathies on that one, I doubt I’ll ever forget that feeling. *hugs* offered, if wanted.

    If you want advice – and please do ignore me if you don’t, though I’ll write it anyway for the education/edification of our lounging horde – the first things I think of are body language and telegraphed nervousness. Body language is really hard to unlearn, though if I understand correctly, you’re relatively young, which will help a lot. I was 26, and former military/jock/nerd*, so I had plus and minus there: one, the language was coded much more masculine already, but on the gripping hand, I’m very kinesthetic, have a high proprioceptive faculty, and thus a really good sense of how to move my body the way I want it to, and to pick up the physical cues that cis women learn in their enculturation.

    There can also be a tendency in transition to repeat that enculturation in a speeded-up sense: the same things that cis girls learn about how to present oneself in a coded-feminine manner, we have to learn, but we have to do it a LOT faster (obviously). So you get people who’ve just transitioned who will use “too much” or non-current makeup, just like that young cis girl who gets to in public the first few times; or wear inappropriate clothing, in the social-context or time-period sense. This is partly where the stereotype about the trans woman who looks like June Cleaver’s protegée comes from, a mix of confirmation bias (i.e., that’s what a lot of people think trans women look like, because the only time they know they’re around a trans woman that they don’t know, they know it because of the trans woman not passing well, whether she’s wanting to or not being irrelevant in that) and that “HOLY CRAP THERE’S A LOT OF SHIT TO LEARN ABOUT PRESENTING AS A WOMAN” bit.

    Also, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be hyper-femme, because the doctors who hold the gates against all comers tend to have a sadly small-minded idea of what women “should” look like, and the roles we should have in the world, and because gatekeeping is an inherently conservative behaviour, they tend to have very conservative views of women’s roles. Which we must follow to the letter, if we want The Letter(s)**.

    Because of that higher bar of projected femininity, of course, we also get the extra joy that our very bodies are defined by them as inherently unfeminine, and that we must therefore go the extra mile in presenting as clearly feminine, in order to win the privilege of being treated as ourselves.

    Hugs and strength to you, sister, and I hope you have better experiences RSN.

    * Yes, it can happen. I’m fortunate enough to have been gifted a body with some remarkable physical attributes, as well as a brain and geek personality. I played both hockey and soccer for my high school, and as a walk-on for my university, being at the time blazing fast in either, and a student of the game enough to let my brain make up for any technical shortcoming – e.g., being good at reading weight distribution and foot placement and hip angles to become a better marker and goalkeeper in soccer, or anticipating a play along the boards to allow me to break up a play as a defender in hockey, and thus not having to rely on strength, my one really “average”attribute as an athlete.

    ** “The letter” is a big deal for someone who’s aiming for surgery, because generally you can’t get the surgery unless someone says you’re “really” trans. Although why someone who wasn’t trans* would want GRS is a bit beyond my ken.

  31. 531
    Pteryxx

    cicely: oh crap, the car? has a case of hoofprints-in-engine?

  32. 532
    cicely

    Hi, bassmike.
    *waving despiritedly*
    -

  33. 533
    cicely

    Pteryxx: Yes, the car is crap. Apparently completely non-functional crap. Hoof-prints all over it. Remedies involve about a thousand more dollars than we can in any way access.
     
    I am depressed.
    :(
    -

  34. 534
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Oh, cicely, that’s awful, my sympathies. It’s SO frustrating when you need a car and simply cannot afford to fix it. I’m very lucky to live in a city with pretty good (and improving) public transit.

    *hugs* offered.

  35. 535
    Portia

    Damn damn double damn, cicely, I’m sorry. Hugs galore for you. Big fluffy hugs to wallow in while sipping this tea. Have a cookie while you’re at it.

  36. 536
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Ugh, cicely: I’m so sorry. I’ve been going through some pretty terrible money troubles from an individual standpoint, but I’ve had a partner to fall back on (who has been very generous and patient with my money troubles). I hope that you can find as soft a landing as I have.

  37. 537
    Dhorvath, OM

    cicely,
    Maintenance seldom ends where we can handle it. Hugs from here are sadly all I have to offer.

  38. 538
    rq

    Oh no, cicely! :(
    I’ll rein in the herd for a while, they’ve apparently been mishearing my order of Leave cicely alone as Stomp all over cicely’s car!!!
    Wish I could help somehow.

  39. 539
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Thunk
    Best wishes, I’d offer more if I could.

    CD
    I’m willing to have a go at the website you mentioned, although I’ll forewarn you that it may take me a bit of time to get it all working; my knowledge of web design is more theoretical than practical.

    Those with car troubles:
    I’m very glad I live someplace where I can get by without one of the wretched money sinks.

  40. 540
    cicely

    Thanks, everyone. I will gladly take every *hug* I can get my hands on.
    -

  41. 541
    Lynna, OM

    The Koch brothers have invaded Alaska with yet another “grass roots” campaign. This one is meant to convince people to NOT sign up for healthcare.

    Alaska Commons link.

    http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/watch/new-anti-obamacare-ads-are-classic-koch-65029699643

    Alaska Dispatch link.

    … Know the Facts operates under the guise of neutrality, meanwhile offering Alaskans misleading information on the law.

    The website owners are not transparent. But both have ties to conservative groups working to derail the Affordable Care Act (ACA), President Obama’s signature health-care reform law.

    Yet there are hints that the two websites are connected:

    • They were created within minutes of each other, a fact first pointed out by Alaska Commons.

    • Their Facebook pages were created on the same day.

    • Television advertisements for both websites run within the same commercial break.

    • And the websites are nearly identical in their layout and font selections.

    Neither website, nor their Facebook pages, offer a contact email. Sign-up forms on Know the Facts allow folks to register their emails for more information, and on Don’t Enroll people can “take the pledge” not to enroll in the insurance health exchange. …

    So who is behind the websites?
    Heidi Gay with the Alaska chapter of Americans for Prosperity (AFP) spoke about the two sites on Monday. AFP is a conservative group backed by billionaires David and Charles Koch, which seeks to influence elections and public policy across the country….

  42. 542
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    more hugs for cicely

  43. 543
    Lynna, OM

    I meant to say in my comment #541 that the Koch brothers are funding campaigns similar to the one in Alaska in many states. See the Maddow link for the full story. 18:38 minute video.

    Koch brothers’ campaigns also convinced many Republican state governors to refuse the medicaid expansion.

  44. 544
    Lynna, OM

    More links to connect anti Obamacare campaigns to the Koch brothers — these are follow-the-money links, and follow-the-bogus-pseudo-science-reports links:

    http://stinktanks.org/national/

    http://www.spn.org/directory/

    http://www.politico.com/story/2013/11/koch-brothers-think-tank-report-99791.html

  45. 545
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Dalillama

    I wanted to talk to you for completely different reasons anyway.

    Care to e-mail me? You know the place.

  46. 546
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Parents brought back some wine from Slovenia.

    mmmm…. lovely

  47. 547
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    CD
    Email sent.

  48. 548
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Sequel to “It’s a Wonderful Life??!!”.
    Need I say it?
    Bah to the Humbug!

  49. 549
    Lynna, OM

    Uh …. yeah, this is not going to win the Republican party any Hispanic votes in Texas:

    A conservative group at the University of Texas at Austin is coming under fire for plans to hold a controversial event called “Catch an Illegal Immigrant.”

    The school’s chapter of Young Conservatives of Texas posted the details of what it bills as a “game” to its Facebook page on Monday.

    According to the post – written by chairman Lorenzo Garcia – several people will be walking around the school’s campus with the words “illegal immigrant” printed on their clothing. Any student who “catches” one of the so-called “illegal immigrants” and brings them back to the student organization’s table will receive a $25 gift card.

    http://www.msnbc.com/hardball/catch-illegal-immigrant-event-sparks-ire

  50. 550
    Lynna, OM

    Anti-abortion activists stepped down from national fights to fight on the state level, where they won an alarming number of fights to pass anti-abortion legislation. Now they are stepping down to the city level, fighting in states and cities where local ordinances allow them to find a few more loopholes that would close clinics.

    http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-ff-albuquerque-abortion-20131117,0,4284060.story#axzz2l5uzToVx

    Albuquerque is the latest battlefield.

    … Early voting is underway in Albuquerque for an election Tuesday, which will decide whether to ban abortions after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

    Although similar bans have been passed by state legislatures, New Mexico’s largest city is believed to be the first municipality in the country to place such an initiative on a ballot.

    The “Pain Capable Unborn Child Protection Ordinance,” which needs a majority to pass, would have statewide impact because the only late-term abortion providers in the largely rural state are in Albuquerque. …

  51. 551
    Lynna, OM

    Yes, all of the states should have taken the initiative to set up their own healthcare exchanges. Those that did are faring well, spectacularly well in some instances.

    Despite the disastrous rollout of the federal government’s healthcare website, enrollment is surging in many states as tens of thousands of consumers sign up for insurance plans made available by President Obama’s health law.

    A number of states that use their own systems, including California, are on track to hit enrollment targets for 2014 because of a sharp increase in November, according to state officials.

    “What we are seeing is incredible momentum,” said Peter Lee, director of Covered California, the nation’s largest state insurance marketplace, which accounted for a third of all enrollments nationally in October. California — which enrolled about 31,000 people in health plans last month — nearly doubled that in the first two weeks of this month.

    Several other states, including Connecticut and Kentucky, are outpacing their enrollment estimates, even as states that depend on the federal website lag far behind. …

    http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-obamacare-increase-20131119,0,6486939.story#axzz2l5OEYWmJ

  52. 552
    Anne D

    *hugs* for cicely, thunk, and anyone else in need. I got lots of hugs, if you don’t mind the cat fur.

  53. 553
    cicely

    Anne, I have no problem with cat fur, at all.
    My cats would take umbrage if I did.
    -

  54. 554
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    @554: cicely, I thought the centaurs took Umbridge…;)

  55. 555
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Little little Caitie can’t count up!
    Little little Caitie can’t count up!
    Stop yellin’ everybody cause she can’t count…

  56. 556
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Cicely:
    So sorry you are having car problems :(

    ****

    Josh:
    If you are around, this comment by you reminds me that you are missed. I say the following with the full understanding that it is not your job to educate anyone: the perspective you offered is one we could use more of. I wonder if the efforts to improve Pharyngula’s tone (so as to be more welcoming to commenters) have resulted in the pendulum swing you spoke of.

  57. 557
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Tony!

    That link goes to a page, not a comment, and Josh has a couple in that thread. Care to clarify?

    Was it #21?

  58. 558
    morgan ?! epitheting a metaphor

    CD,

    About the website… I used to do websites as a one-woman shop way back before everything became so complex. I would do design, content management, tech everything and was pretty good at it until the whole industry got too complex and I could no longer do it alone. It might help to know that I’ve been something of a recluse and agoraphobic for a long time. That aside, there is help out there in website land.

    Take a look at weebly.com. It is on online content management system that costs very, very little and is really functional, especially for people who know diddly-squat about how to construct a website. I’ve set many organizations up on it. It is dead easy to learn. And they give excellent support if needed.

    If you want more info on me, weebly or website stuff in general you can e me at morganmeeker at the g thingy. Morganmeeker is a nym. Morgan Ave. and Meeker Ave. are adjacent exits off the Brooklyn/Queens Expressway.

  59. 559
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Crip Dyke:
    oops. Thanks for catching that.
    Yes, it was his #21.

    ****

    Nearly six in 10 Americans believe that decisions on whether to prosecute allegations of sexual assault in the U.S. military should be made by an independent group of military prosecutors instead of within the military chain of command, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

    http://m.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2013/11/19/poll-6-in-10-support-changing-how-military-handles-sex-assault-cases/

    count me in that ’6 in 10′ figure.

  60. 560
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    cicely – *many hugs and lots of chocolate*

    Portia – That is creepy. *hugs*

    Dutchgirl – Best wishes and *hugs*

    Gilliel – *hugs*

    thunk – *hugs and chocolate*

    Crip Dyke:

    Purring kitten now on my belly apparently wishes I would do less typing, more petting.

    My kitteh frequently inserts herself between me and my laptop, sitting on my hands in order to prevent me from typing, all the while purring madly.

  61. 561
    carlie

    OH HEY GUYS WATCH THIS

    It’s cool, if you have a good internet connection. Took forever to load on a really fast connection.

    It’s Bob Dylan, an interactive video, and that’s all I’ll say so as to leave discovery to happen.

  62. 562
    Portia

    Hekuni Cat – hugs back! Hi hi hi :)

  63. 563
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    threadrupt.

    Hi, all.

    Or high, as the case may be.

    Wife spotted this one today:


    SPRING CITY, Pa. (AP) — A United Methodist minister who officiated at his son’s same-sex wedding pleaded not guilty Monday to charges that he broke his pastoral vows.

    Assholes.

    =======

    I lost a car window today. Wife and I were heading out to have lunch. I opened the back door of the car, tossed my coat inside, and shut the door. I shut the door firmly and gently. And the window shattered.

    I am currently in an argument with the glass company. If it is through an insurance claim, or via my insurance company, there is no fee for them to come here and fix the window. But the cost of the replacement is less than my deductable so the glass company is treating it as if I made the call and did not go through the insurance company. Only $25 bucks, but it pisses me off.

    No sleeping doesn’t help, either.

  64. 564
    rq

    Hekuni Cat
    *scritches* :)

  65. 565
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    rq – *pouncehug*

  66. 566
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    *big hugs all around*, especially for cicely and thunk

    +++
    Some people are arrogant, entitled assholes.
    I teach in something like a culture community centre. It’s officially called “People’s University”, there are comparatively cheap classes on everything from Japanese to cooking and it’s also part of the city’s cultural activities.
    I start at 6pm.
    Quarter past six, in the room next to mine tables and chairs were moved and by moved I mean dragged along the floor. Since I just wanted to do a listening exercise I went over, asked them if they would take long, cause it is very loud and then said “OK, you finish and I wait 3 minutes until I start”.
    Now those people went on being pretty loud all over.* We managed to get some work done, but i was constantly struggeling against the noise and disturbances.
    So, near the start of my second class I went over again. I knocked on the door and then really friendlily said “Excuse me, you’re very loud. I’m trying to teach in the room next to you, but I can hardly understand my own words”
    “We’re rehearsing! You just interrupted our rehearsal!!!!
    “Yes, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but you’ve been interrupting my class for over an hour now. Please rehearse at room level. We should all be considerate.”
    “Yes, you should be more considerate”
    “Excuse me? The people next door are paying for their classes. They deserve decent teaching.”
    “Yeah, teaching
    “Yes, teaching. And now you’ll excuse me.”
    They did turn down the volume after that. If they are there again next time and keep making noise I’ll move my CD player over to their wall, turn the volume up, put in Maná and ask my class to leave.
    Who do they think they are? The cast of Ocean’s 11? Maybe Mr is right and I should tell my employer.
    *actually I thought that somebody else was loudly and unfriendlily complaining, too, but I think I was mistaken.

  67. 567
    thunk: y'all know ageism is a thing?

    Baw all! thanks.

    CaitieCat:

    Hugs and strength to you, sister, and I hope you have better experiences RSN.

    You know, I’m still not used to being referred that way. but thanks anyway. I even get mildly confused and embarrassed when “she”d, but hate most other things. it’s a matter of habit. My upbringing has taught me to loathe any outward femininity, and I still harbor a lot of misgivings that way. So my relationship to the concept of “woman” is definitely qualified, but it is at least nonzero.

  68. 568
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    So my relationship to the concept of “woman” is definitely qualified, but it is at least nonzero.

    It may always be qualified, thunk, but I hope that you can get to a point where you’ve got a set of pronouns available to you, and words to describe your gender, with which you not only have a non-zero relationship, but with which you have a non-zero *positive* relationship.

    Wishing you well,

    CD

  69. 569
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    What She Said, thunk.

    Also, my apologies for making you uncomfortable. Totally borked that one, as I’d meant to be welcoming. I’ll try to follow your lead more attentively. :)

  70. 570
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I hope this is not the case. It may not bode well for the Pharyngula Commune:

    For years, policymakers have attempted to create communities where a diverse group of residents not only live close to one other but also interact freely — in other words, neighborhoods that are both integrated and socially cohesive. But that might be a lost cause, a Michigan State University sociologist argues in a new study. As reported in the American Journal of Community Psychology, Zachary Neal found that neighborhood integration and cohesion cannot co-exist. “Is a better world possible? Unfortunately, these findings show it may not be possible to simultaneously create communities that are both fully integrated and fully cohesive,” Neal said. “In essence, when it comes to neighborhood desegregation and social cohesion, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/11/131118111916.htm

  71. 571
    thunk: y'all know ageism is a thing?

    Caitie:

    Also, my apologies for making you uncomfortable. Totally borked that one, as I’d meant to be welcoming. I’ll try to follow your lead more attentively. :)

    You didn’t make me particularly uncomfortable. The long-term risk from being trapped as male is way larger compared to pushing me outside the bounds of self-imposed sexism to become a better person.

  72. 572
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Tony
    I’d want a sharp look at this fellow’s assumptions that he fed into his simulations there.

  73. 573
    opposablethumbs

    British Telecom are still having fun and games with my phone line – it was on, it was off again, now it’s back on but who knows for how long – so this is another fly-by posting just to say

    aaaaaaaargh! for cicely and the Evil Car Melt-down. I am so, so sorry, I really am; I totally sympathise. We’re waiting right now to hear (tomorrow sometime) how much our surprise breakdown (the one that came within a fortnight of the most recent service and MOT check) is going to come to. I wish I could do more than send hugs, but hugs at least I have plenty of: {{{{hugs}}}}

    Best waves and salutations to the cool denizens of the Lounge. Having an abortive argument this evening (playing cards while the internet and phone were still off, leaving us stranded here in the non-online world :-)) and it just brought it home to me how much more people here get the point about … about almost everything, to be honest. About microaggressions, and privilege, and male-as-default-normal … all these things and so much more – than most people I interact with in rl. This place really is a haven, just to come to and read and say hi and learn from people’s observations and often amazing knowledge and expertise. I’m so glad to read you all.

    Again, better post before the connection goes again ….. (hope it’s on tomorrow; there’s a couple of day’s worth of work I was offered that’s coming in the morning, that I’ll lose if the connection’s not there. Dammit!)

  74. 574
    cicely

    Tentative cause for hopefulness?
     
    It sounds as if, somehow, the Evil Horse-Cursed Transportation Device is going to be fixed.
    The price of $2500 has been bandied about the office.
    The Husband’s tension levels seem to have gone way down.
    Perhaps we are going to branch out into the thrilling profession of Bank Robbery?
    -
    On-going thanks to The Horde for all the *hugs* and moral support, and the loan of your “ears”. And “shoulders”.
    -
    Exchange of *hugs* with opposablethumbs for Vehicular Maliciousness.
    You can’t tell me it’s not a conspiracy!
    -

  75. 575
    rq

    Dalillama
    Same here, but I think the main thing is that he’s forgotten that people are people, not data points. Perfectly capable of learning, perfectly capable of changing their minds, and perfectly willing to accept those different from themselves – you know, that moment when you become friends with someone superficially different from you, rather than someone following preset conditions of your reactions.
    I think he would do better to draw lines along worldviews and adherence to religion rather than physical traits, but even that has huge overlap, too.

    So, Tony, I’m pretty sure the Lounge will be fine!!

    cicely
    Tell me which bank, and I’ll muster up some fake DNA evidence to hide your trail! [/kidding,KIDDING...]
    And, oh look, *more hugs*!!!

    opposablethumbs
    I hope BT lets you back into the virtual world soooooon! And I know exactly what you mean about the Lounge.
    And also good luck with the car repairs, I hope it’s a lot less and a lot less worse than currently expected! (I know cars rarely co-operate, but maaaaybe…!)
    *hugs* (and I’m slowly getting my voice back ;) )

    thunk
    I’m glad for you!! May the progress (of all kinds) continue!

    Giliell
    Obviously a rehearsal is more important than some language lessons. Because it’s probably some avant-garde new-age blow-the-world’s-mind piece that will guarantee a global paradigm shift within 2 years. How can language lessons be more important than that??
    Sorry they had such a bad attitude about it. :(

    Crip Dyke
    I’ve seen you on several threads lately on FtB, and you totally rock. I love your writing. (All the more reason to visit your potentially-future-hopefully-soon-less-confrontational site, because you write well. Really well.)

  76. 576
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Hi there
    I have an unexpected 90 minutes of “free time”, which means that I get to finish tomorrow’s presentation AND take a nap (went to bed late last night and couldn’t sleep then. Yay.)
    Also, the 10th grade grammar lesson I taught this morning went really well, especially given the class I was teaching AND the fact that the person who was supposed to be my partner and who had prepared half of the lesson didn’t show up.

    Cicely
    hooves, eh, tentacles are crossed for cicelymobile.
    My grandpa used to say that “Auto starts with “Au” (German ouch) and finishes with “ohhhh”.

  77. 577
    opposablethumbs

    Hi rq! Still on the spotty connection, still flickering in and out, but BT have promised that of course the engineers will have it all sorted soon, honest they will.

    Thank you for the vehicular functionality wishes!

    Just want to add my 2p’s worth to the pile: I’m reading my catch-up way through the New Feminist thread at the moment, and Crip Dyke you do indeed rock. Very very much. Your clarity (and patient persistence) in unpacking and unpicking the arguments dismissing this issue are absolutely exemplary.

  78. 578
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Woohoo!
    I finally watched Man of Steel.
    It ranks as the best Superman movie of them all.
    Stuff I liked:
    –The exhilaration Clark shows on his first flight. Seeing that awoke that dormant part of me that used to dream of flying. Of exploring the world. Of being free to go where you want when you want. Borders be damned.
    –Downplaying the Lois&Clark relationship. Current DCnU continuity aside, everyone knows Lois Lane and Clark Kent are going to be together. It does not need to be a big plot point.
    –I like that Lois was able to piece together enough of who Clark is to figure out how to find him. It gives her a unique role in the mythos and one in the movie.
    –Jor-El got some nice characterization.
    –Zod did as well. That he and Jor-El were once friends adds a nice twist on their eventual enmity.
    –Real. Actual. Fight scenes. From as far back as Superman 2, I have wanted to watch the Man of Steel cut loose. To actually punch someone (though hinted at, we never see an on-screen punch thrown by Supes in Part 2). To see him remember to use superspeed along with his strength in a battle. The fight scenes were well choreographed and unlike the chaotic mess in Michael Bay’s Transformers films, I could make out what was happening on screen.
    –Cute that Zod spun Superman around and threw him…
    –Faora was bad ass. A fighter, but not a brawler. I would like to see more of her. I wonder if she was working for Zod bc she believes in him or if there is something else. She seemed to take a degree of thrill in fighting.
    –I went back n forth on this, but ultimately I decided that portraying Superman as someone unwilling to inflict harm on others unless it was necessary is a good thing. His decision to kill Zod is not one you will find in the comics much. I used to believe that with his powers, he could always find another way. But absolutes do not work so well in reality. It makes far better sense for him to be reluctant to unleash the full force of his powers and to not employ deadly force unless there was no other immediate choice. It is also necessary to show the anguish he feels at that choice. I thought a little more introspection following Zod’s murder would have been good though.
    –no silly comedic relief (see Otis in Superman 1 & 2). No outright STOOPID science (yeah, I know) like Superman 4 (Lucy in space, clinging to an inert Nuclear Man).
    –Allusions to Jesus kept to a minimum. Yeah, he was Hope and Savior, but I did not feel like the relio-spiritual connotations were terribly overt.
    –Shirtless Clark was kinda hot.
    –Clark’s lack of control over his powers was a good touch. Though I really wonder how effective the Kents could realistically be in helping him focus.

    Things I did not like:
    –He went to a priest.
    –No John Williams score.
    –the nature/nurture argument. Having Zod handwave his desire for genocide by way of ‘his nature’ makes it seem as if he has no ability to make choices for himself. That his role was predeterminded does not mean he cannot rise above it and make different choices. I would have liked to see him have some angst or internal struggle over decimating life across the planet.
    –why did the Captain have to remark that Superman was kinda hot? Of all the possible lines of dialogue, she had to get that one…

    Other observations:
    –I can overlook large scale destruction with no apparent loss of life. It is a staple in comics that I fold in with my suspension of disbelief

  79. 579
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Crap, forgot one point under the BAD column–Pa Kent was a jerk. It’s more important to hide your powers than save peoples’ lives??
    ‘Don’t save me’ to make a fucking stupid point? Oh that’s not going to send conflicting messages to him.

  80. 580
    bassmike

    Cicely: My comiserations about the transport situation. I hope it all gets sorted soon, and with the least expenditure possible.

    opposablethumbs: Although I’m in the UK, my provider isn’t BT. However, I’ve known a few people who have had problems with their BT internet connections. Have you considered asking for compensation?

    Crip Dyke, CaitieCat & Thunk: You may feel that your discussions on trans* matters do not necessarily have any bearing on cis folk. But, I for one would like to say thank you and please continue! I have learnt a lot from all your comments about the difficulties that you face. Anything that increases my understanding of what others have to contend with, the better. This also applies to the likes of Tony! and others for their contribution for gay matters etc.

  81. 581
    opposablethumbs

    If anybody wants a laugh (or perhaps, a grimace of distaste, a helping of anger-at-bigoted-stupidity, a nasty MRA-flavoured reminder of stereotype threat and chilly climate, and a laugh), there is someone called “prodegtion” over at Avicenna’s just now arguing in all seriousness that

    FEMINISTS are the ones who claim that women are underrepresented in STEM because of some nebulous discrimination or patriarchy. FEMINISTS are the ones who deny the SCIENTIFICALLY DEMONSTRATED REALITY that the FEMALE BRAIN IS BIOLOGICALLY LESS PROFICIENT AT MATH.

    Yes, he (I’m pretty sure this is a “he”) even uses capslock.

  82. 582
    opposablethumbs

    Hi, bassmike.

    They’re not my ISP either – the problem is with the phone line. Something to do with our local exchange, possibly – half the street went out at first; I think everybody is back on now but we’re still getting intermittent problems and they’re calling it a “partial fault” and supposedly still sorting it out :-\

    Compensation is usually rubbish – last time this happened they said it only counts if it goes beyond (can’t remember exactly, think it may have been) 48 or 72 hours and even then we only got £50 if memory serves (and if I’m not confusing that time with that other time the electricity went for several days … joy)

  83. 583
    bassmike

    opposablethumbs: superfluous fact: I used to work in telecoms and, for a considerable peroid, worked very closely with BT. At the time, one of my ex-colleagues had a similar issue to you in that he lost internet connection on changing providers. It took ages to sort out. He knew what the problem was, and if he’d had access to the exchange could have probably sorted it out himself! He was very frustrated.

    On the subject of exchanges: it has always amused me that during the cold war BT took all the signs from the outside of the buildings. It’s as if any potential saabotuer wouldn’t be able to identify them despite the numerous BT vans outside and the visible equipment inside!

  84. 584
    rq

    bassmike
    You never know what tricks will confuse the Enemy into thinking you’re not there… On the one hand, be completely obvious, it’ll fool them because they (probably) won’t believe you’d be that obvious. On the other hand, be sneaky (remove signs!!) because then they won’t know you’re there. Contradiction? What contradiction??

    +++

    So, inspired by Ophelia Benson’s latest post about yoga, which has some interesting conversation about other health-fads and un-science in the world of Aligning one’s Chakras, I would like to ask the Lounge a question.

    A friend of mine’s child was recently diagnosed with delayed speech development (I think I mentioned this before – I think it’s what originally put me in e-mail touch with opposablethumbs…?). Anyhow, she’s been making the specialist rounds and music therapy and looking into other stuff, and one thing one of the doctors told her (a diet doctor) is that she should feed her daughter less plants of the nightshade family (tomatoes, potatoes, etc.) because they use up too much oxygen in the body and reduce oxygen supply to the brain (which, of course, will only hinder development further). I know potatoes contain some alkaloids that can be hard on the kidneys, but… brain function? oxygen? I feel like I’m missing something here. Anyone?

  85. 585
    opposablethumbs

    At least we have one working mobile phone, or we couldn’t make any calls during the line outage time either … :-\

    Aha, well the dreaded Fifth Columnists would never know where their own local exchange was, let alone any other exchange, unless there was a sign!

    Your friend must have been well pleased. I only wish we had that kind of knowledge, though, if only because you would know exactly which department of which organisation is the one you actually want to be talking to!

  86. 586
    opposablethumbs

    Yes, that was it rq – I remember. Well that dietary advice certainly sounds … surprising; all I can say off the cuff is that we certainly never heard anything like that from anyone!

    I do hope the therapy possibilities prove helpful in your friend’s-child’s case. Speech therapy and music therapy definitely seem to have helped in ours, but every case is different and although they are very likely to be useful the ideal combination of approaches is bound to depend on the individual child. My very best wishes to them; it’s a lot to deal with.

    Ha, just this morning it suddenly hit me all over again and I was (and am, thinking about it now) in tears – because a very old friend in Paris made a lovely suggestion, that they could invite my Spawn#2 for the weekend some time when no-one has exams (like, in the Spring), and her Spawn#2 (3 years younger, but a fellow-musician albeit in a different genre and who stayed with us when the two of them were doing music workshops here in London; an extremely sussed and highly sociable teenager who got on just fine with Spawn) could “just happen” to be having a party with some combination of friends of hers who have either English, Spanish or music or any combination thereof. Just so that he could have some friends-type time, for once. That was just the nicest, sweetest thing in the world to think of offering. We might even manage to make it happen, too … in the Spring.

    Right, off to run errands. Read you later – ::waves::

  87. 587
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    I’m going to hang a [citation needed] on the “nightshade-family plants pull oxygen from your brain” hypothesis. Because that sounds a bit farfetched.

    Re: yoga: I do yoga. I found a rather un-woo-y class. No talk of chakras or anything like that. I do it because I like the stretching and decent-but-not-too-much cardio workout it gives. My chief complaint with the class is that the teacher plays recordings of what I strongly suspect are Hindu hymns during class.

  88. 588
    carlie

    Well, I really put my foot in my mouth today.
    I was going around lab yelling at people to put their goggles on, and at one point blurted out “Better safe than blind”… riiiight in front of a legally blind student (who has never disclosed, I’m assuming based on behavior). My mind seized into “fuuuuuuuuck” mode, and I immediately followed it with “not because of the vision thing so much, but because it would REALLY HURT when the liquid hits your corneas”. Yeah. Score one for me. And to make it more personally embarrassing, this comes a day after I sat through a disability seminar and felt shocked, SHOCKED that people were asking such simplistic questions about accommodations and feeling glad that I was far past that point of learning. Hubris destruction, I am it. At least it was a big enough hit that hopefully I won’t be saying that again.

  89. 589
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @rq & opposablethumbs:

    I am sorry if I’ve written *unclearly*

    But I cannot connect the blog of the site to Crip Dyke.

    It is more-or-less a professional blog. It was the site of a non-profit that I co-founded. I am happy to say that more people are paying attention to the issues that the non-profit was founded to address, but I’ve added nothing to the site in years, and there isn’t a centrallized site to address the mission of the org…except that site, which means that I need to add some current content and continually update it. It will analyze social science research when relevant and address media reports that are relevant.

    I am me, and I am cross-platform. Obviously there will be perspective and writing in common. It may very well be interesting to a number here. But my work has – very rarely – attracted credible threats of death and harm. I’m not particularly worried, but keeping professional from polemical has been a compromise I’ve made with Ms Crip Dyke and with past partners. We have kids and though the risks are small and though the non-profit itself could be seen as sufficiently controversial to spark threats, kids. And Ms Crip Dyke’s misgivings. I have to take those seriously.

    If you ever stumble across the site, it can’t be because I’ve pointed you to it: the internet remembers all.

    What I really hope to do is establish a personal/Crip Dyke blog that is separate from this professional website with my Other Name all over it. But that’s not the current project: I don’t know where I would host it or how I would find the time to design it. A few people here have volunteered on the site project, but I’m less happy about asking for help with something as personal as a blog than with something that is literally a mission for positive social change.

    So, sad to say, I won’t be pointing you to the site when it’s up and refreshed. I’m sorry.

  90. 590
    birgerjohansson

    -They have a new film about Stalin?

    Re: car. Sounds like a T-1000 misnavigated time and inserted hostile nanotech into your engine.

    “the teacher plays recordings of what I strongly suspect are Hindu hymns during class”

    If I do yoga I will demand they play “Alte Kameraden” very loud.

  91. 591
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    What is “Alte Kameraden”?

  92. 592
    rq

    Crip Dyke
    Ah. That part, I didn’t understand. I’m still thrilled the site will be out there. And maybe it will be possible for you to at least have indirect progress reports or something. In any case, what I’m trying to say, is I hope for your success. And hopefully I will stumble across it one day. Or someone else will point me to it. Good luck!

  93. 593
    rq

    To be completely clear, I got the part where you don’t want to connect the two personas; I did not get the part where it would be so separate, you won’t even be dropping links here (even randomly). Which I understand! At least, now I do. :) And wish you the best of luck with the project.

  94. 594
    carlie

    omgomgomgomg: The Doctor Games. Best enjoyed if you are a fan of Doctor Who, Hunger Games, and Community’s Inspector Spacetime. But even one of the three will make it worth your time. Brilliant.

  95. 595
    opposablethumbs

    @rq & opposablethumbs:

    I am sorry if I’ve written *unclearly*

    B-b-but I meant to say how much I appreciate your excellent and clear comments! Particularly on the “New Feminist Frequency” thread. Um, hope I didn’t come off as complaining somehow?

    I wasn’t particularly referring to the Other Name thing, though my bet would be that it is highly likely to be awesome.

  96. 596
    cicely

    rq:

    Tell me which bank, and I’ll muster up some fake DNA evidence to hide your trail! [/kidding,KIDDING...]

    Ah.
     
    You shouldn’t offer, if you don’t mean it.
    Now I’m gonna have to shop for someone else to fill all my Evidence Tampering needs.
    Bummer.
    -
    I agree with bassmike when he says:

    Crip Dyke, CaitieCat & Thunk: You may feel that your discussions on trans* matters do not necessarily have any bearing on cis folk. But, I for one would like to say thank you and please continue! I have learnt a lot from all your comments about the difficulties that you face. Anything that increases my understanding of what others have to contend with, the better. This also applies to the likes of Tony! and others for their contribution for gay matters etc.

    He’s right. I have found them (the discussions) invaluable in Meatspace.
    -

  97. 597
    Lynna, OM

    Yes, we all know that right-wing conservatives often bash President Obama with no facts whatsoever weighting their clubs. Lately they have a new pseudo-fact to use, President Obama hates god.

    Well, no, he doesn’t, but I kind of like the fervor behind this latest attack. It’s so off-the-wall that it’s funny and it prompted Rachel Maddow to produce one of her more entertaining segments.
    Real Clear Politics link, with video segment from the Maddow show.

  98. 598
    Dutchgirl

    On the very slow hospital wifi to say that I brought a healthy baby girl into the world early Tuesday morning. I’m doing well and baby is letting me get some sleep.

  99. 599
    Portia

    Dutchgirl:
    *Hooray!!!* Congratulations! Thanks for checking in! So glad you are both doing well.

  100. 600
    chigau (違う)

    Happy Birthday Dutchbaby!

  101. 601
    chigau (違う)

    Happy Birthday Lynna!
    check the Thunderdome for more greetings
    it’s Caine’s B’day, too.

  102. 602
    Lynna, OM

    Congrats to Dutchgirl on bringing the new baby girl into the world. Hugs to both of you.

    Your new baby just missed my birthday by a day. You should have told her to slow down a little because we all know how irrationally important it is to share a birthday with relative strangers. :-)

  103. 603
    Portia

    Happiest of birthdays to Lynna and Caine! :D

  104. 604
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Hearty congrats, Dutchgirl, and welcome to the world, Dutchbaby. Sorry about how we screwed it up for you.

  105. 605
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Oh, goodness, two birthdays?

    Well, I hope for you both, Lynna and Caine, that you should have a wonderful year, and so many more as you desire, nor more nor less. And may each be happier, more love-filled, and prosperous than the last.

    Joyeux anniversaires, vous deux, les grandes dames du Salon!

  106. 606
    cicely

    Dutchgirl:

    On the very slow hospital wifi to say that I brought a healthy baby girl into the world early Tuesday morning. I’m doing well and baby is letting me get some sleep.

    Hurrah!
    *champagne* and *balloon bouquet*
    -
    Happy birthdays, Caine and Lynna!
    *cakes* and *fireworks*
    -

  107. 607
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Happy birthday, Lynna.

    And congrats to Dutchgirl and the new Dutchspawn!

  108. 608
    rq

    Happiest of birthdays to the recently arrived (Dutchbaby – also, congrats to Dutchgirl for putting in the hard work), and happiest of birthdays to those with experience under their belt (Lynna and Caine). *champagne&fireworks&confetti*

  109. 609
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    HappyHappyBirthday, Dutchspawn!

    HappyHappyExpulsioinDay, Dutchgirl!

  110. 610
    rq

    Lynna

    You should have told her to slow down a little because we all know how irrationally important it is to share a birthday with relative strangers.

    And because that magical and beautiful moment of birth, through which you finally fulfill your biological destiny to be a mother, should be extended for as long as possible.
    [/snark]/[/thinkrepublican]

  111. 611
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    And because that magical and beautiful moment of birth, through which you finally fulfill your biological destiny to be a mother, should be extended for as long as possible.

    Ah. That would explain why Wife went through 54 hours of labour with Boy. I thought she was waiting for me to get home from the Army.

  112. 612
    opposablethumbs

    Congratulations and happy wishes to Dutchgirl, and welcome to Dutchbaby!

    Manymanymanylots of Happy Returns to Caine and Lynna!

    Con permiso, hereby sending you heartfelt intercontinental hugs via USB.

  113. 613
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @opposablethumbs:

    me: I am sorry if I’ve written *unclearly*

    ot: B-b-but I meant to say how much I appreciate your excellent and clear comments!

    Noooooo!

    Ot, I was ironicalistically using “unclear”.

    you are fine. I felt complimented. I am sorry I can’t give you a link to the site (as it exists now or as it may exist in the future). I thought it was funny that people were hoping for a connection that I thought I had said I couldn’t provide in part b/c my writing and insights were “clear”. I was merely amused.

    Thus I expressed my self ironicalistically.

    Well, ironicalistically-ish, as I was politely apologetic for not giving a clearer picture, but this is an informal medium. I consider writing in ways that could plausibly be taken in 2 different ways the least of possible sins.

  114. 614
    Dutchgirl

    Crisp Dyke, i laughed so loud at expulsionday i almost woke the spawn. I will continue to celebrate expulsionday in the future.

  115. 615
    rq

    … And I laughed at “Crisp Dyke”. :D “Crisp and clear” would probably be the best adjectives to describe CD today.

  116. 616
    rq

    Ogvorbis

    I thought she was waiting for me to get home from the Army.

    Nope, I’m pretty sure she was just enjoying herself.
    (More seriously, she has all of my sympathies, except for the ones currently reserved for Dutchgirl, for going through that particular experience.)

  117. 617
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Yay for Dutchgirl and Dutchbaby

    Happy Birthday Lynna and Caine

  118. 618
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Happy anniversary-of-birthday to Caine and Lynna!

    Happy literal-birthday to Dutchbaby!

    Congratulations to Dutchgirl!

  119. 619
    opposablethumbs

    Ah, ok, I get it – thank you Crip Dyke! (pitfalls of print!) All good.

  120. 620
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Tony!

    –why did the Captain have to remark that Superman was kinda hot? Of all the possible lines of dialogue, she had to get that one…

    Yeah. This breaks into two questions: why did they have a woman play that character? Why did they have the character speak that line?

    I wouldn’t want to remove the role from a woman actor. I would have liked to see the line put in Jimmy Olsen’s mouth. Other dialogue could have been given to the Captain. Giving the line to a woman captain creates the same problem Sarkeesian is discussing; characters are, by default, male and men. Want to have a light moment referencing superman’s hotness (because aliens are not only generally bipedal, but they are proportioned and colored in ways that meet white, US definitions of “attractive”)? Well, then you just have to have a woman say it.

    It makes you think that they didn’t believe the actor [whose name I can't find at IMDB] wasn’t the best actor available, but merely a woman they could use to make people laugh.

  121. 621
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    rq-
    I have been wandering outside the bounds of Pharyngula a bit more lately and noticed your nym in several blogs making some insightful comments. Just thought that was awesome (rather like you).

    ****

    Ed has a post up that is seriously Laugh out Loud funny: He got an email from California Psychics. They think FtB readers would like them.

  122. 622
    rq

    Tony
    I blush. Seriously. You’ve caught me at a high point (both in volume and in quality, I believe). Thank you.

  123. 623
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Dutchgirl:
    Yippee! I am happy for you.
    (Are we able to refer to her as ‘Dutchbaby’ around here?)

  124. 624
    Desert Son, OM

    cicely at #441, # 477, and #529:

    Very sorry to hear about compounded automobile woes and their attendant financial grievances! Heartfelt encouragement and support to you at this time!

    In fact, extended sentiment to all and sundry struggling with automotive challenges herein: Nerd of Redhead, opposablethumbs, rq,Giliell, Ogvorbis, et al.

    ****

    Crip Dyke at #442:

    Sounds like it was an awesome adventure, much fun, interesting, challenging!

    ****

    carlie at #588:

    Hubris destruction, I am it.

    I empathize. I have done similar on a number of occasions.

    ****

    Dutchgirl at #598:

    Congratulations!

    ****

    Happy Birthday to Lynna!

    Happy Birthday to Caine!

    ****

    I turned in my dissertation proposal document to my committee members this past Monday. Proposal meeting is scheduled for 2 December. After that, data collection, analysis, finish last two chapters in spring and maybe defend then (he said hopefully). For now, a bit of a break from working on it.

    Still learning,

    Robert

  125. 625
    cicely

    Desert Son: Seriously Pharyngulite support has made all the difference—between me Totally Losing My Shit, and merely Partially Misplacing My Shit.
    Individually-wrapped *hugs, or other acceptable non-intrusive gestures of appreciation* for everyone.
    -

  126. 626
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I think someone needs to make a call to the Dictionary Atheist Police bc “ironicalistically’ is not a word. They will be quite perturbed. Article 3 Section 4 of the Make-N-Up Words Act specifically calls for one to go through the proper channels when creating new words. Thankfully the universally beloved term ‘Shoop’ was allowed in with minimal effort.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    (/snark tag)

  127. 627
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Crip Dyke:
    Would the problems with that line of dialogue be diminished by having her say something in addition?
    “Captain, why are you smirking?”
    “Well sir, two reasons. Most important: I think he has a point. Do we intrude upon the personal space of doctors, police officers, or firefighters?”
    “Oh, and he’s kinda hot.”

  128. 628
    rq

    But… but… Tony, that’s how I won at Scrabble last night! Don’t you dare take my victories from me! *wrist-to-forehead dramatic pose*

  129. 629
    Nutmeg

    Congrats to Dutchgirl! And welcome to the world, Dutchbaby-or-other-pseudonym-to-be-determined!

    Desert Son:

    I turned in my dissertation proposal document to my committee members this past Monday.

    *confetti & cake & ice cream* Congrats! Take a well-earned break!

  130. 630
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @rq:

    This may be a quantity high point (I’m trusting you on this) but I’ve always thought your comments were consistently high quality.

  131. 631
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Congrats, Dutchgirl!

    Happy birthday, Dutchbaby, Caine and Lynna!

  132. 632
    carlie

    Ducthbaby, Lynna, and Caine, oh my!

    Happy birthday to all. :)

    Also big congrats to Desert Son for the completed proposal! I hope they are in a good mood when they read it.

  133. 633
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Tony!, 627:

    As I remember, the character doesn’t have another line anywhere. If the character only spoke in response to “why are you smirking” and included the “hot” bit when speaking, it would have to be a hell of a long and substantive line to make you think the character wasn’t there only for the purpose of getting a laugh out of the audience.

    If the character spoke a half-hour earlier, then said the “hot” line as a stand-alone (not expanded), that would actually be better. Context dependent better, but better.
    ==========
    #626:

    What? “Ironicalistically” isn’t a word? Then how in the world does one go about creating ironicalistic comments?

    Checkmate, Shoopists!
    ===============
    Actually, other than the question-begging, I think that makes entirely too much sense for satirizing the GodProof crowd. How about:

    What? “Ironicalistically” isn’t a word? Then how come arabic numerals are used in today’s Japan?

    Checkmate, Shoopists!

    I intend to youtube my 10 most powerful anti-Shoopist arguments later this week. The ideological foundation of all Shoopism will crumble into shifting sand, leaving them with such an uphill battle to score any points that on-the-ground society will spontaneously reorganize into a non-hierarchical linguistic utopia with the most creative and useful words at the top.

    Then I will have my army of minions spam all Shoopist youtube channels with comments demanding to know why someone would cling to Shoopism and distilling my brilliance – also known as “plagiarizing” in Esperanto – into video responses each containing “one question that will destroy Shoopism forever!”

  134. 634
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Dutchgirl

    I will continue to celebrate expulsionday in the future.

    I fervently hope so.

    Maybe some Nov 19 we’ll be in the same city & I can buy you an ExpulsionDay drink. What kinds of beverages leave you completely exhausted and yet giddy – with relief, among other things?

  135. 635
    rq

    Oy. I didn’t even think anyone actually read my comments. *furious blushing*
    Thanks, Crip Dyke! I value your opinion (as I do Tony’s as well).

    Oh look, it’s a cute kitten!!!

  136. 636
    rq

    I intend to youtube my 10 most powerful anti-Shoopist arguments later this week.

    May I suggest you begin with the word ‘expulsion’? Back in my school days, the word ‘expulsion’, especially when connected to things like behaviour, grades, attendance, etc., was a decidedly negative thing. And here, with one single sentence, you have made expulsion a positive concept. That is a tour de force, indeed!
    (Tony might know about the drinks, though.)

  137. 637
    cicely

    This may be a quantity high point (I’m trusting you on this) but I’ve always thought your comments were consistently high quality.

    Except, of course, of those comments lauding Horses. Those ones are purely propaganda.
    -
    “Ironicalistically” is as wordish as you want it to be. Just ask Shakespeare.
    :D
     
    Language is a bit of a moving target. Neologize that mother!
    -

  138. 638
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Destroy Shoopism forever? Ha. About as likely to happen as Portia ever besting the One True Shoop at Pictionary (for comparison, Jesus will walk again before either of the above occurs). Everyone was born a Shoopist, btw (note: this is nothing like sophist).

  139. 639
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Not me, Tony (638); I was raised ashoopist. My mum’s side were Roman PanShoopic, while my dad’s side was Shoop of England. And they were both so grossed out by the in-tribe-ishness of their respective brands of shoopism that they decided my sister and I would be raised without people telling us of the Shoop (Peanut Butter Under Hir).

  140. 640
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Cicely:
    You know how horses are smarter than they act?
    .
    .
    .
    Crip Dyke was not the first to coin “ironicalistically”. It was in use for centuries amoung the various Equine Clans in Southern Shoopville.

  141. 641
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    CaitieCat:
    For someone who claims to be Ashoopist…explain the invisible pink Shoop in your garage!

  142. 642
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Today in LOLsob. The scene: a Level 4 biocontainment facility, with a patient waiting anxiously for test results. A nurse speaks:

    “If they don’t get beyond this budget impasse soon, there won’t be anybody to autoclave scrubs or anything else.” The nurse kept talking in her blue suit, arranging covers over my legs. “On the news this morning, the President said Meals on Wheels is going broke, EPA isn’t cleaning up toxic waste dumps, federal courts may close and forget about getting a tour of the White House.” … “Not to mention Medicaid, air pollution, and tracking the winter flu epidemic or screening water supplies for cryptospiridium…”

    - Unnatural Exposure, Patricia Cornwell, 1997

    Seriously. 1997. Anything sounding familiar, my USan friends? :/

  143. 643
    Portia

    Just dropping by to defend my honor:

    Portias beat Shoops every time at Pictionary!!!!

    Thus is the Gospel According to Portia, Hallowed Be Her Name, All Shoopian Heretics Be Damned!

  144. 644
    rq

    CaitieCat
    I suspect there was some in-flock-ishness going on, seeing as Shoop are under discussion here.

    cicely
    You just don’t understand the Wonder that is Horse (I neigh again). … Wait, does my Horse-worship conflict with Shoopism?? Because it certainly does not fall under Shoopism, Horses having longer legs, necks, ears, tails, and probably everything than any Shoop. I sense another Deeeeeeep Riiiiiffft on the horizon…

  145. 645
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    641 Tony: Ha! Explain the invisible garage, for I have none such! I trump your Shoopism with REALITY™ (now available from your local Fox News/Lifestyle Retailer!)!

  146. 646
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @CatieCat, #639:

    For a moment, I read that as “asshoopist”, aka ass-hoopist.

    For the record, my asshoopist phase was brief, and not my birth condition.

    Dutchgirl, in particular, may be pleased right now that humans are not all born asshoopist.

  147. 647
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    LOL @ ass-hoopist. My partner is a hooper (or as I like to say, “is a hoopy frood”) in addition to her other flow-arts skills (poi and staves), now I’m trying to imagine her hooping on just her butt. I think it would be a most odd performance.

  148. 648
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Hey, does anyone here remember a bloke going by the handle “baal”?

    He’s claiming he was “arbitrarily” banned from Pharyngula (among other untrue claims about PZ), and I’ve got a feeling there’s more to it than us being “horrid nasty group-thinkers.”

    So… can anyone fill me in on his history?

  149. 649
    Lynna, OM

    Awww. So cool. Lots of Happy Birthday wishes above. Thanks to everyone. And to my fellow Pharyngulites who are also birthday babies today, Happy Freakin’ Birthday! Put on your high-heeled sneakers and knock ‘em dead.

    Many of you also added comments on my Facebook page. I feel loved.

  150. 650
    David Marjanović

    *pops in*

    Petition:

    “The Securities and Exchange Commission is the federal agency that protects investors from corporate abuse. As such, the SEC is well within its authority to require that all publicly-traded corporations disclose how they’re spending money in elections.

    The SEC is considering enacting a rule like right now, and is seeking out public comments on whether they should do so. That’s why Daily Kos and People For the American Way are joining forces to gather signatures in favor of the rule and submit them all to the SEC.”

    *pops out*

  151. 651
    David Marjanović

    Wow. There’s a safari show on TV: hunter goes out and shoots big and/or dangerous animals for shits & giggles. Petition to end it.

    “Tell FIFA to help ensure construction for the Qatar World Cup does not use slave labour.”

  152. 652
    David Marjanović

    Good news with all the trigger warnings.

  153. 653
    dontpanic

    WMDKitty@648 this baal: (Amphiox response), (Anthony K), (him lying at Ed’s place), who’s repeatedly confused about lots of things? He apparently honestly thinks that people here would cut him with knives given the opportunity. He’s had some beef w/ PZ since mid-2012 and is regularly hyperbolic about the commentariat here.

    I don’t remember him specifically being called out or banned by PZ but the locals have ripped his, ah, “logic” to shreds repeatedly in the past. Doesn’t strike me as a deep thinker.

    Serious, being banned from this site (even “arbitrarily” or “unjustly”) isn’t the end of the world; that he can’t move on, is well, “sure different”.

  154. 654
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    WMDKitty:
    i recall baal. I do not recall them ever being banned-officially or arbitrarily.

  155. 655
    dontpanic

    Oh, and I forgot to send a “Happy Birthday” to those who’s annual celebration falls in the same arbitrary 1/12 of a solar revolution as me. Seems to be a popular month. Hey, it’s the 20th? Hmm, better send a message to my brother as well.

  156. 656
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    David @652:

    While I do agree that is good news, I’m appalled by this phrase:

    160 girls between the ages of 3 and 17

    D: D:

  157. 657
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Thanks, don’tpanic and Tony.

    He’s a nice guy, I’ve had some excellent conversations with him. I thought he was going a touch over-the-top with his criticisms, and thought I’d get the other “side”, so to speak.

  158. 658
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Dontpanic:
    ow.
    I need some Tylenol now. Reading comments at your third link brought me face to face with Steersman’s “logic”. Shudder.

  159. 659
    dontpanic

    WMDKitty. Nice guy or “nice guy”?

    I was sufficiently unimpressed with his past performance that his ‘nym sticks in my head (and I freaking suck at remembering names), so I’ll believe you if you say you’ve had “excellent conversations” with him, but I’m not sure I’ve seen corroborating evidence. Perhaps it’s a situational thing and his failing are triggered by the local environment. (Though I think he’s also failed, in my view, on Ed’s blog in the past).

  160. 660
    dontpanic

    Tony!@658. Yeah, it’s a pretty sorry sight (both baal and Steersman). The tylenol seems to get stuck halfway into pushing in to the USB port, so you’ll have to supply your own.

  161. 661
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    Prevpage, rq:

    97% – But I’m pretty sure I can be bored with something… right?

    Same here. I think the quiz scoring is broken, since the commentary reads:

    Although ‘of’ is commonly used after ‘bored’, this is technically incorrect. Always use ‘with’ or ‘by’ in formal writing.

    Strict grammarians unite! :-)

  162. 662
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    Loose vocabularians untie, of course. ;-)

  163. 663
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    Oh, and. Tiny sloth:

    http://slothoftheday.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/bless-tiny-tiny-creatures.html

    And happy birthdays to all who have them!

    *skedaddles*

  164. 664
    Nutmeg

    I worked on a paper and wasn’t anxious at all!? It was actually kind of intellectually rewarding. I might even do more of it tonight, after I give my brain a break and decide just how ruthless I want to be with my edits. Score one for anxiety-management workshop. I’m sure I’ll freak out when I get closer to sending the paper to my co-author, but at least this is progress.

    (I’m still terrible at relaxation exercises. Marginally less terrible, on occasion. I’m trying to say to myself, “Hey, notice the complete lack of bad things happening while you’re doing this? Nobody is waiting to pounce on you as soon as you let your guard down.” But I think the exercises fall into the months-of-practice-needed category.)

  165. 665
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    a cm sighting in the Lounge? Wow.

  166. 666
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Trigger Warning:

    A horrific rape story..

    (I think all rape is horrific, but the details of this one are just beyond anything I have heard described before)

  167. 667
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Hey, does anyone here remember a bloke going by the handle “baal”?

    He’s claiming he was “arbitrarily” banned from Pharyngula (among other untrue claims about PZ), and I’ve got a feeling there’s more to it than us being “horrid nasty group-thinkers.”

    So… can anyone fill me in on his history?

    OH, I know that guy.

    He’s occasionally sensible, but usually a fucking moron. Referring to the suggestion that certain people “should be locked in a room full of flavored light sockets” as “violent rhetoric” is pretty par for the course.

  168. 668
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Does anyone have any experience with CREDO?
    I got an email from them about how AT&T as well as Verizon have given money to the Tea Party, and therefore, as a progressive, I should sign up with CREDO.

    http://www.credomobile.com/lp/nov13/partner/alternet.aspx?pc=501330

  169. 669
    cicely

    Tony!: I can tell that Horses are smarter than They act, because They pretend to be stooopid.
    Fiendish cleverness often masquerades as stoooopid.
     
    Because They know that that way, They will seldom be suspected.
     
    Which allows Them to frame up the Usual Suspects—the President, Science, Libruls, the Illuminati….
    -

    Loose vocabularians untie, of course.

    :D
    -

    I worked on a paper and wasn’t anxious at all!?

    *high five* for Nutmeg!
    -

    A horrific rape story..

    “When brought before Magisterial District Judge James Dixon late Tuesday night, Paulino said that he is not worried about the charges, because “I have Jesus on my side.””
    -

  170. 670
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    I got an email from them about how AT&T as well as Verizon have given money to the Tea Party, and therefore, as a progressive, I should sign up with CREDO.

    I know they don’t have a phone with anything like the feature set of the Casio Gz One, so I ignore them. Unless it just changed.

  171. 671
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Squeeee!
    I bought Season 4 of Warehouse 13 and just started watching. Yippee!!!
    No sleep any time soon.

  172. 672
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Marvel heroes on the small screen with a little Netflix help:

    Landmark Deal Brings Marvel’s Flawed Heroes of Hell’s Kitchen, led by “Daredevil,” to the World’s Leading Internet TV Network in 2015

    Burbank, Calif. – Nov 7, 2013—The Walt Disney Co. (NYSE: DIS) and Netflix Inc. (NASDAQ: NFLX) today announced an unprecedented deal for Marvel TV to bring multiple original series of live-action adventures of four of Marvel’s most popular characters exclusively to the world’s leading Internet TV Network beginning in 2015. This pioneering agreement calls for Marvel to develop four serialized programs leading to a miniseries programming event.

    Led by a series focused on “Daredevil,” followed by “Jessica Jones,” “Iron Fist” and “Luke Cage,” the epic will unfold over multiple years of original programming, taking Netflix members deep into the gritty world of heroes and villains of Hell’s Kitchen, New York. Netflix has committed to a minimum of four, thirteen episodes series and a culminating Marvel’s “The Defenders” mini-series event that reimagines a dream team of self-sacrificing, heroic characters.

    Produced by Marvel Television in association with ABC Television Studios, this groundbreaking deal is Marvel’s most ambitious foray yet into live-action TV storytelling.

    “This deal is unparalleled in its scope and size, and reinforces our commitment to deliver Marvel’s brand, content and characters across all platforms of storytelling. Netflix offers an incredible platform for the kind of rich storytelling that is Marvel’s specialty,” said Alan Fine, President of Marvel Entertainment. “This serialized epic expands the narrative possibilities of on-demand television and gives fans the flexibility to immerse themselves how and when they want in what’s sure to be a thrilling and engaging adventure.”

    http://fuckyeahyoungavengers.tumblr.com/

  173. 673
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    I’m trying to make the Trans* Day of Remembrance thread into something useful. I encourage people to check it out – again if they’ve already been there.

  174. 674
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    PZ would appreciate the second episode of Warehouse 13. There’s tentacles, Lovecraft, and Cthulu.

  175. 675
    Crudely Wrott

    Hello, Horde,

    [teal dear version: Yup, things are rough and my baby is dead but with the help of family, friends and the Horde I'm getting better; even back up to speed. ;^> There are, however, changes and questions attendant to such things and in the following I begin to explore in a more pubic fashion than heretofore.]

    Looks like lots of things are happening to lots of people and many of them are here talking about it. Such is cool especially when no one, or vanishingly few ones, are getting all up in their faces about it.

    I’m way ‘rupt and embarrassingly behind except for being delighted that thunk has found a toe-hold on confidence and, worryingly, that some of you have car problems.

    To thunk, hold on and remember how you gotcher toe-hold and do it some more. Practice makes for a laudable approach to perfect. Halfway there, then half of the remaining distance, then half . . . Hey! Didn’t Achilles deal with this long time passing?

    To those with car problems, preventive maintainence. Go to auto parts store. Get Haynes Repair Manual. They are printed for each and every year, make and model. With the proper Manual and a reasonable tool kit you can disassemble your car over a weekend and put it back together over the next month or so.
    Sit down and read the damn book!!
    Like your life. Just think what you’ll save in terms of fees paid to mechanics and therapists! DIY for the win!!
    (lefty, loosey; righty, tighty: unless contra-rotation dictates otherwise but you’ll figure that out yourself when a hind wheel passes you on a stretch of otherwise mundane highway . . .)
    Remember: just ’cause you think you can’t doesn’t mean you can’t. Just means you haven’t yet learned to trust yourself enough. Forward with confidence! And always check your work against the specs.
    Afterthought: you’ll have to learn to hold your mouth just so . . .
    _________________

    In a sincere effort to become communicative again there are some things I’d like to point at and leave them here for your consideration. In the month that has passed since my child took the long sleep, I have considered more seriously things that, in times past, I considered only in passing. The short list that follows touches on a few of them.

    Please don’t feel that it is necessary to gather too closely around me for protection’s sake. I have faced this loss, and diverse others that approached but not matched this one, with what I think is some form of acceptance and equanimity which buoys my heart and allows me to continue, to go on in a fashion not much different than before. I’d like to say I’ve met this death with something approaching aplomb. Perhaps I expect too much of myself. I will probably (but not certainly) cry some before I press “submit”. In that event I promise that I will not take myself to task for it.

    Point– There is a vast space recently opened in my world and my apprehension of it. What, if anything, will fill it. I cannot yet imagine not grieving. The loss of my parents was something expected, something that seemed in accord with the natural flow of life’s bothersome reminders of impermanence.

    To all of those who have had to commit their child to the elements, to the inexorable grinder of mortality, my tears mingle with yours. There is the end of it, I think. So as grandparents have gone, so as the fascinating old men and women of my youth have gone, so as friends and casual acquaintances have gone, so goes my child. Out of order. Out of the expected way of things.

    Point– I have made only two children that I know of. There may be others; I was promiscuous and not very responsible for a while back some years agp; enough years for a baby to grow to adulthood and perhaps to die. Perhaps to make babies. My concern is, understandably, I hope, centered on the ones I know. The ones I held on their first days of life, whose dirty diapers I happily changed and washed and hung to dry. The ones who I dandled on my knee and then later, upon the same knee, taught the alphabet and how to sound out new and hard words. The ones who grew into young ladies and asked their dad to go to the store for “pads with wings”. The ones who married young men full of confidence and frailty.

    One daughter had children, the elder. One did not, the younger, now ageless one. It is not the lack of fecundity but the lack of presence that now makes me sometimes think of elder daughter (some of you know her as “Jesi”) as “surviving daughter” as if some great catastrophic earthquake or hurricane had plucked away fully half of my issue, my contribution to the future.

    I really don’t know what to make of this confusion of reference, of how I call the one extant and the other extinct. What I suspect is that the distinction is not as important or as acute as it lately seems; before long elder daughter, I, my grandsons (man cubs) will also go the way of all flesh. Still, there is some great force behind the expectation that family members will live long enough and die in some proper order if for no other reason than that the younger may tell the tales of the elders with little fear of correction.

    To some great extent, that is the way of things and explains much of how history is handed down.

    Point– I did not bond with Diane to the extent that I bonded with her older sister. There was peace and love in our home when Jesi was born; upon Diane’s advent the situation was much different, dark and clouded. This resulted in an assumption, not shared by Diane and I but by other, more casual observers, that I loved Jesi more than I loved Diane.

    I don’t know how to respond to that. In the same fashion that I don’t know how to respond to the claim that I love air more than water.

    Less than a month before Diane left us I had called her to come over for a visit and when she arrived I presented here with a necklace and matching earrings made from some wonderfully figured natural stone with hues that complimented her red, I say red, hair. She love the ensemble immediately and we went outside for pictures. Those exposures proved to be the last I would ever take of her and the day proved to contain the last hugs, the last laughs, the last kisses, the last parting phrases.

    Looking back I am almost persuaded that Diane somehow suffered a lack of paternal care, of fatherly love. In fact the total time spent with her is less than the total time I spent with Jesi. The difference lies not with preference or conditional affection but rather with opportunity dictated by family politics. There were some very hard times.

    End points–

    Something that lives behind my love for my children, my love for my larger family and, indeed, for that even larger family comprised of those not so closely related seems to be filling the chasm of loss, the great hole that has ripped my heart. Something as close to magic as I have ever been. There is a love that is larger however tenuous and rarely felt; it is that union that connects us all. The existence of such a uber-affection has long lingered around the edges of my understanding, energized by poetry and music and the reactions of people when something bad happens far away to people they don’t even know.

    Here, in the Lounge, is a living example of such, continuing daily with a sweet sincerity, often expressed with just a single line of type and an emoticon. Of such simple things are our lives made. Of such tiny kindnesses are our hopes maintained. From such unpretentious acknowledgements are our boldness and purpose are watered. One can draw strength from such a well.
    ______________________
    I really must go back over the threads and thank all of you properly. Yeah, I’ve been putting it off because of time, ability to pay attention and, uh, reasons. What makes me not worry about such tardiness is that I know that you, dear Hordelings, aren’t worried about being recognized. If you are worried about anything it is for my state of mind and heart. Trust, my friends, that they are on the mend . . . I’m trying to come up to speed and making fair progress (that is, I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in). I’ll never be the same but I’ll be recognizable.

    Go well, all of you. You mean a lot to me. May I mean as much to you.

  176. 676
    chigau (違う)

    Crudely Wrott
    I’m glad you’re back.

  177. 677
    chigau (違う)

    and you do not need to be specific
    we’re mostly happy with scatter-shot *hugs*

  178. 678
    Crudely Wrott

    and you do not need to be specific
    we’re mostly happy with scatter-shot *hugs*

    Then I am a shotgun. Pew, pew, pew!

    *hugs*, including but not limited to, rebound *hugs*, mirror *hugs*, ankle *hugs* (?!) and, my favorite, ricochet (zip, ping, be-oing) I say, ricochet *hugs*

    to you, chigau and to carlie and to Oggie and to rq and to so many others (Tony!) that you just swirl around in my mind like a colorful confusion of get-happy.

    It worketh.

    (insert large favorite dopey-looking smiley face [here]) ;^>

  179. 679
    Crudely Wrott

    I go sleep now.

    I will dream.

    Tomorrow is the great gathering of the leaves for which I have built a sledge with which to gather them all up into a pile that will rival tall buildings. We shall all throw ourselves into it for the sheer joy of doing so.

    The making of the sledge was another palliative and a small but meaningful amount of moarsawdust was made.

    There are still things in the world that are just right.

    So, good night and sweet dreams.

    See you tomorrow . . .

  180. 680
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I was about to go to sleep, but figured to check out the Lounge once more. I think I had something I wanted to say. I have forgotten it. Why?

    That would be due to Crudely.
    It is good to read you again.

    More than that–I have not even read the entirety of your comment. Two things stuck out to me.
    Your support for thunk and your auto advice. I do not know why both of these brought me to tears, but they have anyway. It’s not like you have never shown compassion and empathy. It’s not like you haven’t offered knowledge to your fellow Lounge denizens.
    You have shown copious amounts of empathy and compassion. You have helped several of us with your wide range of skills that you are so willing to share and in such a way that is easy to understand and implement. Never condescending, always friendly and casual. Encouraging and supportive.
    Why those two things stuck out, I do not know.
    All I know is that your presence here is a joy.

    In the words of some pretty awesome people: you, my friend, rock.

    I am glad to know you.

    Until next time, good night.

  181. 681
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Crudely:
    Your comment @675 was one of the most beautiful expressions of heartfelt emotion I have ever read. Tinged as it was with grief, it was still so loving…so warm. It fills me with joy sprinkled with sadness, wrapped in hope.
    I go to sleep this time, crying–and for the first time in so long, it is not bc I feel alone in my bed, longing for someone to share more than one night with. I cry tears of hope…of joy…and that means a lot. The holidays are a mixed bag for me. A reminder of loneliness always crops up at this time. Not just a reminder, more like a palpable sadness. Then the birthday hits and the reminder is like being hit in the heart by an 18-wheeler going Mach 5. Then in January, I get to grieve again for the loss of my best friend, M.
    But this once, for the first time in a while, I close my eyes and the loss is not there, nor the sorrow or loneliness.

    Thank you.

  182. 682
    Dhorvath, OM

    Crudely Wrott,
    My tears for you. They mingle, I am sure, with other’s. Take care.

  183. 683
    birgerjohansson

    Crudely Wrott,

    My condolences.

  184. 684
    birgerjohansson

    Treating alcohol dependence: Medication plus therapy leads to longer abstinence http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-11-alcohol-medication-therapy-longer-abstinence.html
    Good news to the world. Bad news for Moe Syzlak.
    .
    Esteleh, Alte Kameraden is a German march (think Sousa with attitude), almost the prototype of all loud Germanic marches.

    Miscellaneous science: November skywatch http://www.gocomics.com/richards-poor-almanac/2013/11/21 Haha, getting up in the middle of the night is just that hard .

    New sorbents efficiently extract uranium from seawater http://phys.org/news/2013-11-sorbents-efficiently-uranium-seawater.html
    My plan is taking shape…now to get a laser specific to the spectra of the lighter U isotopes…
    I might get Stewie Griffin that Christmas present in time!

  185. 685
    rq

    **INTERNET GROUP HUG!!!** (or other gesture of group solidarity)

    It’s lovely to read you again, Crudely Wrott. I’m glad to hear you’re doing… well, I suppose ‘good’ is the wrong word here – better. And you still write beautifully. And also, as chigau says, we’re fine with scattershot. :)

    Congrats to those who have made progress and accomplishments in their recent writing (Desert Son and Nutmeg come to mind).

    +++

    Samsung is a bit of an ass.

    A discussion of the freedom to shave or not to shave and how it applies to today’s standards of beauty (also some class issues within that idea).

    Architecture porn: 25 weird Soviet buildings, for a totally futuristic future. Or past, as it were…

    Oh, look, Riga won! Hee hee. Too bad there’s no prize to be distributed amongst those officially registered as residents of the city. Or at least a free t-shirt.

    Here’s a giant European language tree, presumably modern (it’s got a lot of dead languages on it, too). Compare that to this European language map from the 1700s.

  186. 686
    bassmike

    Crudely Wrott: it’s lovely to have you back. Your @675 was beautifully eloquent. You are in my thoughts.

    Dutchgirl: Many congratulations! Now the fun begins.

  187. 687
    carlie

    rq – I thought Riga was the pleasure spa planet in Star Trek? ;)

    Crudely, you’ve done it again, made me stop frozen in the midst of the bustle of the day and just…be, marveling at the beauty and complexity of humanity. You’re always so eloquent and poetic. You have a warm and welcoming and safe place here anytime you want, and you are a wonderful person. All the loves to you.

  188. 688
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Crudely Wrott:

    Safe hugs to you and yours.

  189. 689
    rq

    carlie
    Is it?? I wouldn’t know, I only used to live there! (haha)

  190. 690
    rq

    Heh, but this is the only ST-related Riga I could find on short notice. :)

  191. 691
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    @Crudely:

    Thanks so much for sharing your life with us, the good and the bad. Every bit I read about love I take to heart, hoping to learn to love better myself. You have offered so much it is impossible that you haven’t made me better.

    Best to you, Crudely.

  192. 692
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Crudely, thanks so much for sharing that. The love you felt for your daughter is palpable.

    I’m quite certain she felt it.

    Cherish the memories of her. I wish you and yours healing and strength as you move forward in a world diminished by her absence.

  193. 693
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Not sure if anyone has been following this. University of Florida quarterback is accused of rape. The family of the accuser in the rape case of Florida State quarterback and Heisman hopeful Jameis Winston said police warned her attorney that Tallahassee is a “big football town” and her life could be miserable if she pursued the case. And the police said that the case was either closed or on the open but not active pile. And have done nothing in almost a year. But the DNA matches the quarterback.

  194. 694
    CaitieCat, in no way a robot nosireebot

    Crudely Wrott, you wrote a beautiful thing there. Thank you. I offer you hugs if wanted. Also, and understanding if not. Though the relation of my bereavement (my father, when I was 15; my sister and I survived) was different, the close ones do also have a certain degree of sameness. So empathy and sympathy and understanding.

    Amongst our offerings are empathy, sympathy, understanding, and a ruthless form of kindne- I’ll come in again. :)

  195. 695
    Lynna, OM

    Okay, so we have a legislator in Hawaii who thinks that the way to reduce the homeless population is to smash their shopping carts with a sledge hammer. This guy is a member of the Ebenezer’s Church of the Malicedere Pauper. Uh, hypocrisy meter damage here.

    And the guy claims to be a Democrat. He certainly is not a progressive.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/11/hawaii-shopping-carts-homeless-sledgehammer-tom-brower.html

    Hawaii has a higher rate of homelessness per capita than any other state in the country (not including D.C.), and last month, one state legislator decided to do something about it by proposing programs to find homeless people jobs and shelter smashing unclaimed shopping carts with a sledgehammer to prevent homeless people from using them to carry their few meager possessions. “I was thinking as a public servant, ‘What can I do that would be practical and I can literally do overnight?’” Democrat Tom Brower said recently, explaining his foolproof plan to solve homelessness, or at least make the lives of homeless people a bit more difficult….

    Brower has also taken to waking up homeless people he finds sleeping on public property.
    “If someone is sleeping at night on the bus stop, I don’t do anything, but if they are sleeping during the day, I’ll walk up and say, ‘Get your ass moving,’” he told the Honolulu Star-Adviser. …

  196. 696
    Lynna, OM

    Some female marines have competed infantry training. It’s a first.

    http://blogs.militarytimes.com/battle-rattle/2013/11/19/the-first-four-women-in-marine-corps-history-have-completed-infantry-training/

  197. 697
    Lynna, OM

    Last week Hawaii became the 15th state to approve marriage equality. Now we can add Illinois to the list.

    Gov. Pat Quinn stood up, thrusting an arm into the air holding the freshly signed bill that just made history: Same-sex marriage was now legal in Illinois.

    To thunderous applause in the University of Illinois at Chicago Forum on Wednesday, Illinois became the 16th state to legalize same-sex marriage. The forum was packed with a jubilant crowd made up of same-sex couples and equal rights activists.

    http://www.suntimes.com/23886505-761/gay-marriage-bill-signed-its-a-triumph-of-democracy-quinn-says.html

  198. 698
    rq

    Were recreated childhood photos already linked to here? My favourite is the one with babyfood.

    What happens when a daughter finishes her mother’s sketches. There’s something beautifully surreal about those pictures.

    Some touching mirror photos. I disagree with the title, you don’t need to look particularly closely to see why these are meaningful.

  199. 699
    Lynna, OM

    House Republicans continue to wear their asses for hats.

    … The number of important, pending bills that require attention isn’t short: immigration, appropriations, the farm bill, expiring unemployment benefits, voting rights, tax reform, the budget, etc.

    So with the clock ticking, what did House Republicans work on yesterday? A bill to speed up oil-drilling permits and expanding federal lands for “energy development.”…

    http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/gops-poorly-timed-push-drilling

  200. 700
    PZ Myers

    NEW THREAD.

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