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Oct 21 2013

I have a sudden craving for Girl Scout Cookies

If a Girl Scout showed up at my door right now, I’d buy half a dozen boxes, easy. Not that I’d eat them, but apparently Girl Scout cookies are now the cool way to promote feminism, lesbianism, and unbiblical womanhood, at least according to a couple of right wing radio hosts.

Swanson: The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country. I’d say you ought to say no the Girl Scout cookies too. I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout cookies. Now I suppose if you take a big, fat, black magic marker and you say, ‘give me that box,’ and you start marking out all of the references to the Girl Scouts of America on all the boxes then maybe we’re not promoting that organization anymore and I’d be willing to buy it. Maybe it’s not food offered to idols anymore if I had the opportunity to scratch out references to the Girl Scouts of America on the boxes of the Girl Scout cookies offered to me at Safeway.

Buehner: Those are some pretty expensive cookies you’re eating though. At some point a Christian has to say, ‘the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,’ and where you spend your money does count.

Swanson: It does and I don’t want to promote a wicked organization that according to its own website doesn’t promote godly womanhood, it just doesn’t, I don’t see anything that promotes godly womanhood. The vision of the Girl Scouts of America is antithetical to a biblical vision for womanhood, it’s antithetical to it.

I think these guys have very dirty minds. They seem to think Girl Scout meetings are lesbian orgies.

Now Dave if you go the website for the Girl Scouts and you find out what the Girl Scouts are doing with their national conventions, some shocking things. Now you showed me these websites this morning, this is the first time I’ve ever seen this, you know who shows up at these Girl Scout conventions? Guys just check it out at the Girl Scouts’ websites and you’re going to find that the people showing up are lesbians, lots and lots of lesbians. Dave I didn’t realize there were this many lesbians leading this country but they certainly show up in Girl Scout conventions across America.

This one was October, 2011, in Houston, Texas, and the first openly homosexual mayor in the United States, which happens to be Annise Parker, showed up at the convention. A lesbian; a lesbian. By the way, her lesbian partner Kathy Hubbard is the treasurer for Planned Parenthood PAC so apparently there is this unholy alliance between the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood. Also Sara Bareilles is a prominent voice for the gay and lesbian agenda, she performed at the 2009 Long Beach Lesbian and Gay Rights Celebration, she lends her image to the YouTube video ‘President Obama will you say I do?’ campaign supporting gay marriage, she’s joined the True Colors Tour as ‘a vehicle to entertain as well as engage audiences to take part in the advancement of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality,’ anyway this woman showed up at the lesbian conference—I mean, the Girl Scouts conference down in Houston.

I’m telling you Girl Scouts: print out a transcript of that little chat. Show it to potential customers. It won’t just be the atheists who whip out their checkbooks, I think a lot of non-evil Christians would do likewise.

57 comments

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  1. 1
    rumleech

    I can’t be the only person who’s worried about the sort of web site those pillocks have been looking at.

  2. 2
    Doug Little

    The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country

    I’ll have oil and vinegar with my word salad thanks.

  3. 3
    Gregory in Seattle

    You can buy GS cookies and have the boxes donated to US troops overseas: the Girl Scouts will do it for you, or you can donate the boxes to any number of charities who will ship them out in care packages. Some food banks and shelters will accept them too, but check before just dropping them off. And, of course, they can be brought in to work to bribe bosses and grease the wheels of cooperation between you and your co-workers.

  4. 4
    CJO

    “food offered to idols” LOL. They’re so cute when they pretend they’re dealing with the same issues that the NT texts address.
    *Historical note: In early gentile Christian circles, the Jewish dietary restrictions were generally not observed, but there was still an obstacle to eating meat or taking a meal in company with non-Christians which was the worry of essentially taking part in polytheistic religious practice after the fact, because most fresh meat eaten by those other than the wealthy would have been slaughtered as an offering to the god as part of a festival.

  5. 5
    Great American Satan

    I expect Piers Anthony would be interested in that site.

  6. 6
    Inaji

    Maybe it’s not food offered to idols anymore

    :raises eyebrow: What. An. Idiot.
     
    I also don’t think I have ever come across anyone who enjoyed saying lesbian so much. You can almost hear the lip smacking.

  7. 7
    nanocephalic

    I won’t support the Boy Scouts (for reasons that should be obvious to this group) but I don’t know anything about Girl Scouts. How much connection do they have to the scum who control Boy Scouts?

  8. 8
    DysgraphicProgrammer

    I’ll have oil and vinegar with my word salad thanks.

    Appropriate, since the word salad is so often slippery and sour.

  9. 9
    DysgraphicProgrammer

    How much connection do they have to the scum who control Boy Scouts?

    The BSA’s official female auxiliary is called “Campfire Girls”.

    The only official connection between boy scouts and girl scouts is that both are members of the “World Organization of the Scout Movement”.

  10. 10
    thewhollynone

    Connection to the BSA = 0.

    For the historical connection google Baden-Powell.

    The Girls Scouts have been nonreligious and feminist since the 1960′s, even in the South, and that is why these patriarchal religionists hate and fear the organization so much.

  11. 11
    Menyambal

    I like how these religious kooks get so much mileage out of a few pseudofacts, and how they think that blacking out the words on the box makes the money that was paid for it magically evaporate.

  12. 12
    Rey Fox

    Not that I’d eat them

    Wasting food is uncool, man.

  13. 13
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    Lots and lots of lesbians! They are everywhere! It’s the Lesbian menace, I tells ya!

    So wait, what terrible awful things go down at these GSA conventions? You still haven’t told us. And while lesbians are teh sceeery, we need more than that to be afraid of in the long run.

    You’re letting us down, B&S. Give us the real dirt.

  14. 14
    berylmaclachlan

    The Campfire Girls aren’t associated with the BSA either, at least not according to either my recollection or Wikipedia. BSA doesn’t have a girls branch, although, last I knew, the mixed-sex Explorer Scouts were part of BSA. ( In response to DysgraphicProgrammer @ 9)

  15. 15
    moarscienceplz

    Of course the GSA promotes lesbianism. And the ASPCA promotes bestiality. And when you give a little girl a Barbie, what’s the next thing you’ll see under the couch? That’s right: a naked doll! So Barbies promote stripping. Tom Lehrer knew all about this stuff:

    All books can be indecent books
    Though recent books are bolder,
    For filth (I’m glad to say) is in
    the mind of the beholder.
    When correctly viewed,
    Everything is lewd.
    (I could tell you things about Peter Pan,
    And the Wizard of Oz, there’s a dirty old man!)

  16. 16
    Rob

    I’ll have oil and vinegar with my word salad thanks.

    I think there was more than enough vinegar in there already.

  17. 17
    Victorious Parasol

    In response (along with others) to nanocephalic @7.

    The Girl Scouts have been more welcoming and inclusive than the BSA, not that that’s a high bar, but still. There’s no national policy preventing lesbians or transgirls from joining their local troops, for example.

  18. 18
    Inaji

    Dysgraphic Programmer:

    The BSA’s official female auxiliary is called “Campfire Girls”.

    No, it isn’t. Girl Scouts and Campfire Girls are completely different organizations, and Campfire Girls is not affiliated with BSA in any way. Way back when dinosaurs roamed, I was a Campfire Girl.

    For future posts, to quote someone, use: <blockquote>Place Text Here</blockquote>

  19. 19
    Becca Stareyes

    As a former Girl Scout, I also advise buying cookies for others: as others have noted, there are often options to donate them with the troop handling everything for you. Cookie sales provide a lot of income for troops. (One can also volunteer.)

    Also, yes, how dare the Girl Scouts teach girls that they are equal to boys, that they have options for how to be a girl/woman, and that one’s sexuality only should matter if one is seeking a relationship.

  20. 20
    Acolyte of Sagan

    Buehner: Those are some pretty expensive cookies you’re eating though. At some point a Christian has to say, ‘the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,’ and where you spend your money does count.

    You know, I’ve spoken English all of my life (so far), and like to think that after so many (oh, so many) years I have a pretty good grasp on the language. Yet I have read the quoted extract several times now and have absolutely no idea what it’s supposed to be saying. I know what the words mean, I can even make sense of each line of writing between the punctuation marks, but put together like that I read it as
    ‘The cookies are expensive, God owns the earth and all it contains, therefore spend your money elsewhere’.
    Do these eejits give themselves migraines just thinking* this shit up? ‘cos they give me one trying to read it.

    *I use the word ‘thinking’ completely wrongly, of course.

  21. 21
    weldonribeye

    American Heritage Girls was the organization for girls that was most recently partnered with BSA. AHG broke it off in May when BSA decided to allow gay scouts.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Heritage_Girls

  22. 22
    Trebuchet

    The Girl Scouts have been far more progressive than the Boy Scouts pretty much forever. My mother was a Girl Scout professional for many years and at least half of her co-workers (according to her) were lesbians. These clowns may not actually have been wrong about the number of lesbians at the convention except in thinking it’s a bad thing!

  23. 23
    ChasCPeterson

    Trefoils? Thin Mints? yes, please.

    At some point a Christian has to say, ‘the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,’ and where you spend your money does count.

    And how would you like your non sequitur cooked?

  24. 24
    Ani J. Sharmin

    I had never bought Girl Scout cookies for most of my life, but one day, I saw some Girl Scouts with a table set up in a local store. I remembered how they are supportive of certain equal rights issues, and how much the right wing hates them, and bought cookies for that very reason.

  25. 25
    Acolyte of Sagan

    .
    ChasCPeterson
    21 October 2013 at 6:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

    Trefoils? Thin Mints? yes, please.

    At some point a Christian has to say, ‘the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,’ and where you spend your money does count.

    And how would you like your non sequitur cooked?

    I don’t want it cooked, just translated into something approaching understandable would be lovely. Ta.

  26. 26
    Acolyte of Sagan

    Oh, and isn’t a trefoil a three-way sword fight?

  27. 27
    loopyj

    PZ – Why not buy a case of those delicious College-Educated Communist Lesbian Cookies and donate them to your local food pantry?

  28. 28
    Michael MacKay

    moarscienceplz @ #15 – So Tom Lehrer predicted Rule 34. That man was sooo ahead of his time.

  29. 29
    magistramarla

    I agree with PZ. Now I have a craving for some of those delicious Samoas.
    As soon as some of those sweet little girls come to my door next February, they will gat a nice big order from me.

  30. 30
    PDX_Greg

    So, wait, what do lesbians have to do with Planned Parenthood? Oh, right; conservatives.

  31. 31
    abusedbypenguins

    What is the difference between the Girl Scouts and the us military(Pentagon)? The Girl Scouts have intelligent, educated, adult supervision. The us military is not even close. Members of the us military rape and kill each other, the Girl Scouts don’t.

  32. 32
    Seize

    Many menstrual cycles ago (as use hardcore feminists choose to parse time), a friend of mine was a Girl Scout. Her troop’s community service avocation was about as pleasantly feminine-coded as one could hope: they were collecting diapers, formula, and canned baby food for young mothers in the community who didn’t have many resources of their own.

    As far as the patriarchy is concerned, you might naively think that this would be a fitting task for young women. It’s innocuously yay-babies and yay-responsibility and there wasn’t an abortionist in sight.

    And yet some conservative busybody still registered a MAJOR complaint with the troop and encouraged a few of the Scouts’ families to boycott the troop for some more CHRISTIAN comportment.

    Apparently, it doesn’t matter how patriarchy-approved your interests are: having interests isn’t for girls. Girls feeling like they can make a difference and have the ability to positively impact their community with their own two hands? Blasphemy!

  33. 33
    pixelfish

    There was a sad lack of lesbian orgies at my Brownies meetings but I grew up in Utah so maybe that explains it.

    (Side note: While the Mormons LOOOOOVE the BSA, they aren’t as keen on the GSA, because the GSA doesn’t let them have the same levels of control over troops and troop leaders. I’ve encountered Mormons with similar attitudes to this guy.)

  34. 34
    ImaginesABeach

    I’m a Girl Scout leader. Do I have to trade my husband in for a wife?

  35. 35
    ibyea

    *facepalm* Girls selling cookies is just that, girls selling cookies.

  36. 36
    HappyNat

    When we got an e-mail asking if our daughter wanted to join Daisy Scouts (early GSA) in kindergarten, the first thing I did was a search on their civil liberty policies. One of the first sites I found was a lot of this same talk about how evil and LESBIAN they were, plus they are totally in the bag for planned parenthood, dontchaknow. After reading their actual policies, including about god, I was very comfortable with her joining and it was a fun year.

    My son is a few years away from the Boy Scouts, but has mentioned it, but I will not support them. Luckily in my community there is a Science Scout group for elementary aged kids we are involved with and they are great. Gotta love having conversations with the Science Scout leader and dropping references to Russel’s Teapot and Teach the Controversy.

  37. 37
    bybelknap

    Everyone knows that lesbians are cunning linguists, and that they use naughty rhetorical devices to pervert young girls to their wicked ways. Why, just the other day I saw a lesbian Scout Leader deploy litotes and an ascending tri-colon on an unsuspecting troop and POOF! all 11 of the 12 year old girls in the group went totally gay for each other and stuff. For realsies.

  38. 38
    sambarge

    I have never been so proud to be a Girl Guide (which is what we’re called in the rest of the world. by the way).

  39. 39
    elly

    I had never bought Girl Scout cookies for most of my life, but one day, I saw some Girl Scouts with a table set up in a local store. I remembered how they are supportive of certain equal rights issues, and how much the right wing hates them, and bought cookies for that very reason.

    Yup, me too. On the rare occasions that I eat cookies, I make my own. And I’ve always thought Girl Scout cookies were overpriced, relative to other commercial offerings. But now I make a point of buying a box or two whenever I pass the troop reps selling them in front of the grocery store. When they’re “in season” I usually end up buying a half-dozen boxes, lol. They don’t go to waste: I always hand them off to my (attending-college-but-still-living-at-home) kids to share with their buds.

  40. 40
    Erp

    Camp Fire (originally Camp Fire Girls but allowed boys back in the 1970s and changed their name) was started by some of the same people as started the Boy Scouts in the USA; however, it has been a separate organization from the beginning. Girl Scouts in the USA was started by Juliette ‘Daisy’ Gordon Low who had close connections with the leaders of the British Boy Scouts/Girl Guide movement but not with the US Boy Scouts (in fact the US Boy Scouts tried to force the Girl Scouts to drop the name ‘Scouts’). Daisy was a quite amazing woman especially considering that she was almost completely deaf. Also unusual in that her first troop in the US though probably all white (this was in Georgia in 1912) was mixed religiously (Jewish and Christian) and economically (girls from wealthy families and from the local orphanage). Having non-white troops (in the US) took longer and desegregating troops was almost certainly patchwork though by 1956 Martin Luther King stated that Girl Scouts were “a force for desegregation” (admittedly I haven’t found the original of this). Individual troops will vary but on the whole Girl Scouts/Girl Guides world wide empowers women and has no intention of apologizing for this.

  41. 41
    MJP

    Normally, conservatives are all gung-ho in favor of individualism, but when an individual goes against their cultural values, the conservatives suddenly become a giant, garishly-decorated Borg Cube.

  42. 42
    timgueguen

    MJP, I suspect that individuality is probably a “a gift of the spirit,” or whatever term they’d use, that’s only for men. If women practice individualism it will probably lead them to do such horrible things as not obeying their husband as surrogate God, and having interests that have nothing to do with their proper role of pumping out as many babies as possible.

  43. 43
    killyosaur

    I buy Girl Scout cookies for the thin mints and tagalogs. The rest is just bonus. :)

  44. 44
    Louis

    Take home message: Lesbians are scary.

    Lesbians.

    Louis

  45. 45
    ImaginesABeach

    Two boxes of Girl Scout cookies (Thin Mints and Samoas) are in the mail to PZ’s office. Please share these with anyone that you believe needs a little sweet feminism.

  46. 46
    Ingdigo Jump

    I’m a Girl Scout leader. Do I have to trade my husband in for a wife?

    Ugh you’re so narrow minded.

    keep your husband and get a wife! DUH!

  47. 47
    smhll

    I agree with PZ. Now I have a craving for some of those delicious Samoas.

    I’ve seen Dreyer’s Samoa-flavored ice cream in larger grocery stores where I live. I think active cookie sales start in the Spring. (Northern hemisphere spring, that is.)

    There are imitation Girl Scout cookie recipes a mere google search away. Bake them in liberated solidarity with “the girls” and drop an extra dollar at the cookie table next time you see one.

  48. 48
    Paul S

    This explains why my niece thinks boys are icky.

  49. 49
    natashacoureaux

    12 Years a Girl Scout Leader.

    1. It’s GSUSA, not GSA.

    2. The individual troops only get about 12-15% of the gross cookie sales dollars. I buy one box (Thin Mints)and leave a $20. Better for me; better for the troop.

    3. The season for the cookie sale depends on each area Council. GSCM (Girl Scouts of Central Maryland) sells cookies in the fall.

  50. 50
    Rey Fox

    Seize: Most likely, they would have preferred that the girl scouts donate bootstraps to the young mothers for them to haul themselves up by.

  51. 51
    elpayaso

    not that we needed this loon to tell us that GSCs were of de debbil….one bite of Thin Mints shouldbeenough to demonstrate that….nothing that decadent could possibly be Yowie Approved.

    Natasha, thanks for the heads up….will donate as well as buying. i try to buy from the kids at stores etc, since the ones whose parents work in an office full of sugarjunkies have an unfair advantage.

    for those jonesing for thin mints in the off season, the mint Newman-Os are a tolerable substitute

  52. 52
    David Marjanović

    Normally, conservatives are all gung-ho in favor of individualism, but when an individual goes against their cultural values, the conservatives suddenly become a giant, garishly-decorated Borg Cube.

    Nah. Libertarians are for individualism. Conservatives are always against it. It just so happens that both inhabit the same party in the US two-party system.

  53. 53
    javawench

    Another Girl Scout leader. Our sales start in spring so I can only hope the bigots start spreading this some more in December. It does always help sales and occasionally membership. And clearly I have been remiss in my duties I have not been converting anyone to lesbianism. We have used the Planned Parenthood site for educational materials. Oddly enough most of my parents would like their daughters to have factual information not the virginity worship the zealots prefer.

    As far as the price of the cookies, it is high. But it isn’t just the troop that profits, each troop gets 10 or 15%, then the Service Unit, then the Area and then the Council all get their cookie crumbs. And the bakeries want to make some profit. The cookie sales fund the entire GSUSA structure to some extent. Although as a troop leader I do like cash donations. Our troop has donated cookies to the troops, a local soup kitchen and a community for displaced families.

  54. 54
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I have supported the Girl Scouts many times over the years (buying cookies each year). This post and some of the comments piqued my interest in the organization, so I decided to check them out.
    I discovered I like them quite a bit.

    Diversity has been a core value of Girl Scouts since its founding in 1912. At a time of segregation and before laws promoting civil rights were passed, our founder, Juliette Gordon Low, ensured that African-American, American Indian and Hispanic girls were able to become Girl Scouts. She led efforts to make Girl Scouting available to girls who lived in rural and urban areas, to girls who were rich, middle class and poor, and to girls who were born in this country as well as immigrants.

    [...]
    Today, Girl Scouts reaches girls in urban, rural, low-income and public housing communities, and girls whose mothers are in prison or who are themselves living in correctional facilities, homeless shelters, foster care and domestic violence shelters. We have a long history of adapting activities to girls who have disabilities, special needs, and chronic illnesses.

    http://www.girlscouts.org/who_we_are/diversity/

    Embracing diversity. In the South. In 1912 (and continuing to this day).
    Wow. Just…wow.

    ImaginesABeach, javawench, natashacoureaux
    Thank you for all that you do.

  55. 55
    Azuma Hazuki

    …waaaaait. Waitwaitwait. All this time, there has been a giant organization specifically of by and for lesbians, and I was never notified? *weeps* And they even have cookies! *bawling*

    My life has been wasted~! ;-;

  56. 56
    Rey Fox

    All this time, there has been a giant organization specifically of by and for lesbians, and I was never notified?

    Well, Girl Scouts is probably about the only one specifically designed to infiltrate the homes of American Families and take their little girls. And that is guaranteed to have cookies. Sorry not to notify you sooner.

  57. 57
    vaiyt

    Normally, conservatives are all gung-ho in favor of individualism, but when an individual goes against their cultural values, the conservatives suddenly become a giant, garishly-decorated Borg Cube.

    Individualism is just a piece of rhetoric they use to promote their actual ideal of a jingoistic oligarchy.

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