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Oct 06 2013

Are we done with Bigfoot yet?

Yeah, I think it’s over. Ketchum’s group — you know, the one that collected possum hairs and sequenced random garbage and called it Bigfoot — now is airing a Bigfoot video, supposedly the best evidence yet. You be the judge.

They spent half a million dollars gathering that, and they couldn’t even hand the camera over to someone who knew how to focus.

39 comments

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  1. 1
    rturpin

    Bigfoot is just a myth. The chupacabra, on the other hand…

  2. 2
    koncorde

    I loved being a kid and reading about this sort of stuff in books. I actually held out a lot longer for cryptozoology than I did anything remotely religious. It was actually seeing attempts like this to try and prove their theories that ultimately turned me away from zoological woo.

    Bring on the videos of obvious mansuits!

  3. 3
    Woo_Monster, Sniffer of Starfarts

    Ketchum’s group — you know, the one that collected possum hairs and sequenced random garbage and called it Bigfoot — now is airing a Bigfoot video, supposedly the best evidence yet. You be the judge.

    Yep, it is the best evidence for Bigfoot that I have yet seen.

    Maybe it is just me, but I get a lot less outraged at the fake videos of BF, mermaids, aliens*…
    I do get fucking pissed at the fake documentaries which dishonestly try to promote the idea that there is some conspiracy cover-up or that “Scientists Have Discovered X Mythological Creature.”

    *I really love that dead alien made out of turkey scraps.

  4. 4
    Marcus Ranum

    For half a million dollars, they could have gotten some decent special effects.

  5. 5
    koncorde

    Share this related oddity for anyone interested, Walmor Correa and his Memento Mori has some really nicely done cryptozoology anatomy.

  6. 6
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    they couldn’t even hand the camera over to someone who knew how to focus.

    If they had focused it properly, we would be able to see the zipper.

  7. 7
    cswella

    Hell, pay me half a million dollars and I’ll get some ‘footage’ of bigfoot that’s MUCH better than that.

  8. 8
    Lynna, OM

    Following mormon tradition, mormons take the Bigfoot myth and add a few layers of crazy all their own.

    The Church takes no official stance on this, but some members believe that the legendary Sasquatch or Bigfoot is Cain. The main source that usually is used to back this theory is the reminiscence of Abraham Smoot of a story from one of the Church’s first apostles, David W. Patten. Patten claimed that in 1835 he encountered Cain walking along the side of the road. He wrote: “He walked along beside me for about two miles. His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark.”

    As I was riding along the road on my mule I suddenly noticed a very strange personage walking beside me… His head was about even with my shoulders as I sat in my saddle. He wore no clothing, but was covered with hair. His skin was very dark. I asked him where he dwelt and he replied that he had no home, that he was a wanderer in the earth and traveled to and fro. He said he was a very miserable creature, that he had earnestly sought death during his sojourn upon the earth, but that he could not die, and his mission was to destroy the souls of men. About the time he expressed himself thus, I rebuked him in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by virtue of the holy priesthood, and commanded him to go hence, and he immediately departed out of my sight… (Miracle of Forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball, pg 127, 1969)

    http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon637.htm (e-xmormons discuss “Why Mormons Believe in a Big, Black, Hairy, Degenerate, Sinful and Miserable Bigfoot Creature Named Cain.”

    http://www.aliendave.com/UUFOH_Bigfoot.html (Brain addled Mormon devotee creates website page designed to sear your eyeballs, assault your eardrums, and convince you Bigfoot is still out there. Give money.)

  9. 9
    Chelydra

    Sadly, some newspapers are reporting on this as if it’s definitive proof that sasquatch exist.

    *I really love that dead alien made out of turkey scraps

    “I was the turkey the whole time!”

  10. 10
    robnyny

    At least Bigfoot doesn’t want you to tithe.

  11. 11
    PDX_Greg

    Does Bigfoot believe in humans? Film at 11.

  12. 12
    Larry

    Wait, was that thing wearing a pair of Air Jordans?

  13. 13
    A. Noyd

    Why is Ms. Ketchum bothering with video? She should just capture Bigfoot with her Pokeball.

  14. 14
    davidgibson

    we think it’s all very funny and kind of stupid but Bigfoot is someones house payment,grocery check out slip,nice car,video gear and so on.they will never give up on this.

  15. 15
    Al Dente

    I wonder whose property that video is.

  16. 16
    firstapproximation

    Are we done with Bigfoot yet?

    Yep, and with some other things too:

    http://xkcd.com/1235/

  17. 17
    marcoli

    @16: I was just going to bring up this point, and you and xkcd beat me to it!

  18. 18
    mothra

    Slipping into crytozoology from legitimate research is easy. Witness the Ivory-bill search of the Big Woods in Arkansas.

  19. 19
    robro

    They got that close to a Big Foot…apparently a sleeping one at that…and they didn’t trap it? Now that would be evidence.

  20. 20
    Rich Woods

    It’s nice to see film of a cryptozoologic creature exhibiting perfect human hip motion. There was I, thinking we were all alone in the world…

  21. 21
    Mike

    Three weeks without a shave and I make a better Bigfoot than that

  22. 22
    AJ Milne

    They spent half a million dollars gathering that, and they couldn’t even hand the camera over to someone who knew how to focus.

    Having seen a few of these things over the years, I’ve worked it out: clearly*, this remarkable being is in possession of a paranormal power. It’s like the somnolence field of kittens, except this one is a permanent defocussing field. You can’t get a clear picture, because somehow, Bigfoot itself perturbs the photons when you try, so they go all, like, wonky…

    (Yes, I’m pretty sure this is the technical term.)

    Yea, therefore, if anyone ever does produce a clear shot, we’ll know it’s a fake.

    (And, I guess unsurprisingly, yeah, apparently, this joke has already been done, more or less. By at least one online t-shirt company, anyway.)

    (*/So to speak.)

  23. 23
    jonmilne

    As a more entertaining Bigfoot story, here’s this link that manages to make Bigfoot brilliant and scary again: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1000.

    Sweet dreams…

  24. 24
    tacitus

    Well, I think that’s the worst “HD” footage of anything I’ve ever seen.

    (Funny how some people think that encoding something in HD makes it high-definition.)

  25. 25
    Marcus Ranum

    Hell, pay me half a million dollars and I’ll get some ‘footage’ of bigfoot that’s MUCH better than that.

    For half a million dollars, my organization can arrange a night out on the town with bigfoot, including limo rides, VIP seating at a strip club, and “surf and turf” dinner at a nice restaurant, as well as photo-op and an autographed tshirt signed by the big guy himself!!!

  26. 26
    Lynna, OM

    Rich Woods @20:

    It’s nice to see film of a cryptozoologic creature exhibiting perfect human hip motion. There was I, thinking we were all alone in the world…

    The question of Bigfoots stride/gait/functional morphology has been addressed by one Jeffrey Meldrum, Department of Biological Sciences, Idaho State University. Meldrum is a mormon and a somewhat educated doofus. He exhibits the same kind of brain malfunctions one sees in mormon apologetics for the Book of Mormon.

    http://www.isu.edu/~meldd/fxnlmorph.html Reading this text and viewing the photos and illustrations is like taking a master course in pseudo-science. There it is, all the proof you need for the existence of Sasquatch! Not.

  27. 27
    Arawhon, a Strawberry Margarita

    Jonmilne at 23

    I love that website. Best site to go to for crazy paranormal stuff for my paranormal investigation game I run. Also, Bigfoot sightings are just lost wookies.

  28. 28
    footface

    Another home-run, cryptozoologists!

  29. 29
    Akira MacKenzie

    Who wants to bet it’s the same Bigfoot suit those two yokels tried to pass off as real a (by stuffing it with meat and freezing it in ice, no less) few years back?

  30. 30
    saganite

    Aw, @13 beat me to it. Is her name Ashley by chance? Gotta catch ‘em all!

  31. 31
    coyote12

    How silly…. everyone knows that Bigfoot retired years ago and farmed out his big footing duties to undocumented Yeti and unemployed circus midgets.

  32. 32
    David Marjanović

    Yep, it is the best evidence for Bigfoot that I have yet seen.

    Frankly, even the Patterson/Gimlin film is much better.

    Maybe it is just me, but I get a lot less outraged at the fake videos of BF, mermaids, aliens*…
    I do get fucking pissed at the fake documentaries which dishonestly try to promote the idea that there is some conspiracy cover-up or that “Scientists Have Discovered X Mythological Creature.”

    Seconded.

    Why is Ms. Ketchum bothering with video? She should just capture Bigfoot with her Pokeball.

    Thread won.

    I wonder whose property that video is.

    + 1

    They got that close to a Big Foot…apparently a sleeping one at that…and they didn’t trap it?

    Or at least show us its face.

    Having seen a few of these things over the years, I’ve worked it out: clearly*, this remarkable being is in possession of a paranormal power. It’s like the somnolence field of kittens, except this one is a permanent defocussing field. You can’t get a clear picture, because somehow, Bigfoot itself perturbs the photons when you try, so they go all, like, wonky…

    Y’know, there are crackpots out there who have proposed even greater wonkiness in earnest: Bigfoot is from another dimension; the blur is real, it’s Bigfoot shifting in and out of existence-as-we-know-it.

    You’ve become a victim of Poe’s Law!

    As a more entertaining Bigfoot story, here’s this link that manages to make Bigfoot brilliant and scary again: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1000.

    I love “DATA EXPUNGED”. :-D

  33. 33
    robb

    isn’t that video the “Blair Bigfoot Project?”

  34. 34
    Ruthy Chandler

    Apparently, “there are two races which use the second-density form. One is the entities from the planetary sphere you call Maldek. These entities are working their understanding complexes through a series of what you would call karmic restitutions. They dwell within your deeper underground passageways and are known to you as “Bigfoot.” – The Law of One
    http://www.focusonrecovery.net/mattersoffaith/Bigfoot.html

  35. 35
    weatherwax

    The one moment it is in focus it’s clearly a wookie mask. As it turns towards the camera, there isn’t so much as a twitch, much less change in expression.

  36. 36
    drksky

    @18 mothra

    Except that the Ivory-billed Woodpecker was an actual documented species that was supposedly extinct. Not a made up man-ape designed to make money off of fools.

  37. 37
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    My favorite bit of Bigfoot analysis was when experts solemnly opined that the furry wonder running from the shaky handcam was not human because it didn’t have the proportions of a man. They were right about the second half: the film producers later admitted that it was the cameraman’s wife in a gorilla suit.

  38. 38
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Akira @29:
    If it wad, I really hope that suit was washed in the interim…

  39. 39
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    It’s not even a convincing costume.

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