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Sep 04 2013

Rats. There goes my lesson plan.

It turns out that there are rules against my standard classroom management techniques.

Statute Forbidding Any One to Annoy or Unduly Injure the Freshmen. Each and every one attached to this university is forbidden to offend with insult, torment, harass, drench with water or urine, throw on or defile with dust or any filth, mock by whistling, cry at them with a terrifying voice, or dare to molest in any way whatsoever physically or severely, any, who are called freshmen, in the market, streets, courts, colleges and living houses, or any place whatsoever, and particularly in the present college, when they have entered in order to matriculate or are leaving after matriculation.

Leipzig University Statute (1495)

Wait…freshmen? I’m not teaching any first year courses this semester; cell biology is full of sophomores, cancer biology is juniors and seniors. This rule doesn’t apply! I’m back in business, baby!

22 comments

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  1. 1
    ludicrous

    Tickle your inner Torquemada, did it?

  2. 2
    René

    Good Moaning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGNVU5ZjlgA

  3. 3
    rorschach

    cry at them with a terrifying voice

    AC Grayling is safe then.

  4. 4
    John Pieret

    drench with water or urine

    Okay. I can see the need … sortta … to warn against the former but …

  5. 5
    Scr... Archivist

    I see they had problems with fraternity hazing back then, too.

    Did the freshmen also have to wear beanies?

  6. 6
    Holms

    I thought american students in their first year were called freshmen, sophomores were second year and seniors were final year or something. Who the hell are juniors?

  7. 7
    Gregory in Seattle

    “…when they have entered in order to matriculate or are leaving after matriculation.”

    You cannot harass them when they register. They are fair game after that.

  8. 8
    =8)-DX

    I can already see the students skittering away in all directions as PZ marches, scowling, through the marketplace.

  9. 9
    kurt1

    Sadly you are not teaching at Leipzig University either. It´s like 1.5 h from here and I could attend some of your lectures or talks.

  10. 10
    TooManyJens

    Holms, junior year is third year. Freshman -> sophomore -> junior -> senior.

  11. 11
    shouldbeworking

    My lesson plan for the Grade 12 physics class for the first day was last years Grade 11 final exam.

  12. 12
    Louis

    “Look to your left. Now look to your right. These are the people you will be failing this course with.”

    Louis

  13. 13
    Dr Marcus Hill Ph.D. (arguing from his own authority)

    Damn it, this is discrimination. I can’t help the fact that my voice is terrifying.

  14. 14
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    Did the freshmen also have to wear beanies?

    Of course! This was in da Vinci’s day, after all – his newly invented propeller beanie was all the rage!

  15. 15
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Ahh, back when an education meant something.

  16. 16
    marinerachel

    Well, as long as no one’s peeing on the noobs.

  17. 17
    mouthyb, Vagina McTits

    Boy, talk about taking all the fun out of teaching freshman courses. *pout*

  18. 18
    weatherwax

    # 4, John Pieret

    That was my thought. Do they actually have to spell out you shall not through water or urine on the students?

  19. 19
    Lonely Panda, e.s.l.

    I remember that on my first day as a high school freshman there was an announcement reminding everyone that hazing was prohibited. I had never heard of hazing and was too timid to ask my teacher what this was, but I assumed that as long as I stayed on my best behavior I would steer clear of trouble. I was a bit naive back in those days.

  20. 20
    lorn

    Could I interest you in my wide selection of the finest filth and highest quality dusts, all available for a very reasonable price?

  21. 21
    carlie

    “Look to your left. Now look to your right. These are the people you will be failing this course with.”

    I ♥ you, Louis.

  22. 22
    garydargan

    So when Universities finally stop all the freshman flogging will they be welcomed to the 15th century or is that just too progressive?

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