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Jul 25 2013

Shouldn’t it just generate “Creepo McIckydick” every time?

You know how it goes: you’re in some sensitive position, like running for political office, trying to get tenure, or the college of cardinals is reviewing your candidacy for the papacy, but you just can’t keep your cell phone in your pants — you’ve gotta send pictures of your penis to random women. We’ve all been there, am I right, guys? So you need a pseudonym. A cool synonym. One that will look really good when your peccadillos hit the newspapers.

Fortunately for those of us with limited imaginations, we now have a Carlos Danger name generator.

Ladies, check your phones for an extra special message from Diego Smash.

And delete it on sight, because it sure as heck isn’t from me.

56 comments

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  1. 1
    Reginald Selkirk

    Larry Craig => Fernando Furtive

  2. 2
    octopod

    Ooh, I got a good one.
    …I’m actually really tempted to start going by this. Goddammit.

  3. 3
    Eurasian magpie

    Víctor Clandestine. Misgendered. I bet they didn’t expect any women would like a creepy pseudonym.

  4. 4
    gussnarp

    Yeah, I got Efraín Verboten. What the hell is that? I don’t even think that’s going to work with the German ladies.

  5. 5
    barnestormer

    I love mine!

    Benito Clandestine!

  6. 6
    Rip Steakface

    Marcos Risk.

    How boring.

  7. 7
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    “Javier Covert”

    Hmmm… new ‘nym?

  8. 8
    petemoulton

    Jorge Calamity. Could be a description of gw bush.

  9. 9
    Sili

    Their database is too big, so it didn’t immediately give a fix-point or cycle.

    Someone please discover some.

  10. 10
    mouthyb, Vagina McTits

    …You know, it’s not that I care whether or not he’s faithful to his wife, and I’d expect him to lie to the press about this, but FFS Anthony: pick someone who WANTS to talk to you. Chances are better that she won’t expose you.

    Dumbass.

  11. 11
    shockwaver

    It’s my understanding that (at least) this one was consensual. Soo.. what’s the problem? Other then a really facepalm inducing pseudonym.

  12. 12
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Crap.
    Tried to plug my name in, but the page keeps shifting up and down uncontrollably and I cant see which box I am plugging my info into.

  13. 13
    mouthyb, Vagina McTits

    shockwaver: The first was not really consentual (as in ‘surprise, dick pictures’), and sending dick pictures to women you think might want to see it is creepy. I don’t have any way of knowing if he’s continuing to do this, but it does make me wonder. Political figures in general have a miserable track record when it comes to respectful sexual behavior.

    And, as I mentioned in the comment above you, his marriage is between himself and his wife. I do resent the use of political wives as a prop when the husband confesses to infidelity–I’m not sure that his actions are infidelity in the context of his relationship, but I am sure that making your partner an accessory to public opinion is also creepy.

  14. 14
    Jacob Schmidt

    “Alejandro Covert”

    Not too subtle, is it?

    Thumper, are we cousins?

  15. 15
    Jacob Schmidt

    Interesting. Putting in my “Carlos Danger” name into the generator gives me “Narciso Evil.”

  16. 16
    Skip White

    Putting in my real name comes out Esteban Smash. Putting in my pseudonym/login name comes out Ernesto Scourge. I like that second one, it sounds like a pirate.

  17. 17
    A Hermit

    “Paco Dynamite”

  18. 18
    gussnarp

    @Skip White, I tried going down the rabbit hole starting with Carlos Danger and repeatedly putting in the result and got Ernesto Scourge at some point. I did not put in Skip White. I wonder what their algorithm is?

    It really should just spit out PZ’s suggestion every time.

  19. 19
    David Marjanović

    the college of cardinals is reviewing your candidacy for the papacy

    Uh, didn’t you know there’s no such thing as a candidacy for the papacy? Every cardinal below the age limit, willing or not, is a candidate. In theoretical fact, every male Catholic is a candidate, but I think only cardinals and particularly famous hermits have ever been elected, everyone else being unknown to the voting cardinals.

  20. 20
    spamamander, internet amphibian

    And here I was all happy that I managed to grab the name “CarlosDanger” on the Lineage 2 server I play on. Dark elf, naturally.

  21. 21
    sigurd jorsalfar

    Should I be concerned that it gave me my own name back?

  22. 22
    Enopoletus Harding

    “Jose Trouble”.

  23. 23
    Eurasian magpie

    In theoretical fact, every male Catholic is a candidate

    There’s definitely a comedy script hiding there.

    Pope Ralph.

  24. 24
    Avicenna

    Guillermo Sly

    AKA Viktor Death

    Man is it too late to change my pseudonym?

  25. 25
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    @Jacob Schmidt

    Yeah, I think I remember you from Auntie Karen’s wedding. Hey cuz! *waves*

  26. 26
    marcus

    You know when I want to send pictures of my glorious member to random ladiez, I proudly use my real name: Marcus Massive!

  27. 27
    yazikus

    Marcelo Menace. I love it!

  28. 28
    vaiyt

    I got José Distress…

    These generators never give me good names.

  29. 29
    markr1957

    Osvaldo Hazard signing in :)

  30. 30
    didgen

    Jose Death.

  31. 31
    Denverly

    Feliciano Clandestine

  32. 32
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Miguel Angel Evil

    I kinda like mine.

  33. 33
    CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain

    @gussnarp #18:

    I wonder what their algorithm is?

    It’s javascript. So you can look at the page’s source.
     
    There are two fixed lists: first and last names.
    What you type is converted to uppercase.
     
    If you’re “ANTHONY WEINER”, you get “Carlos Danger”.
     
    Otherwise it basically hashes your first and last names (sums up unicode values of each character; though subtracting 64 to make numbers, basic punctuation, and control chars before U+0041 negative).
     
    The average of the first and last hashes become a new first name ‘score’, and their sum is a new last name ‘score’.
    The scores are modulo’d against the array sizes (to end up with an index from 0 to size-1) to finally choose the new names from the arrays.
     
     
    * Actually, the negative characters can cause the index to drop below zero (see below), which yields “undefined” names.
    Article: Wikipedia – Modulo operation, Common pitfalls

  34. 34
    composer99

    My Carlos Danger name for my real name (“Marcelo Verboten”) kind of sucks. (Or does it blow? I’m confused now.)

    My CD name for my ‘nym is “Ignacio Kill”. Meh.

    In both cases I think the first name sets up something interesting, but the second name kills it.

  35. 35
    Thomathy, Gay Where it Counts

    So, my partner’s name generates BERNARDO KILL. And my first name also generates Bernardo, which is a funny coincidence. What’s not so funny about it is the coincidence that the generated name shares with Paul Bernardo (use Google, if you must) and the fact that this Anthony Weiner is also preying on women, albeit in a less murderous way.

    It just ups the creep factor for me and highlights just how inappropriate (understatement?) Weiner’s actions are.

  36. 36
    Holms

    Say hello to…
    SANTIAGO BADASS.

  37. 37
    Félix Desrochers-Guérin

    Larry Craig => Fernando Furtive

    ♫ Omar Violence is completely heterosexual,
    Omar Violence is completely heterosexual… ♫

  38. 38
    Mobius

    Guillermo Adventure

    Sounds like someone looking for a privileged planet.

  39. 39
    boskerbonzer

    Mariano Catastrophe – sounds about right.

  40. 40
    Rip Steakface

    @36

    I am so stealing that for something. I don’t know what, but something.

  41. 41
    marcus

    Biggus Dickus?

  42. 42
    anuran

    Juan Sly or Benito Distress depending on if it’s my birthname or Hebrew name

  43. 43
    congenital cynic

    Not a problem. I don’t have a cell phone and won’t be getting one. I had one back when they were just “phones”. I have enough stuff intruding on my attention without the annoyance of texting etc. I want to be less available, not more available.

    My wife has dibs on my junk, so no photos of that go anywhere.

    People just do shit on the internet without any engagement of the brain. Sheesh.

  44. 44
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    I got Jaime Evil…

    That bites. I’m stealing Santiago Badass.

  45. 45
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    “Fernando Verboten”?

    No way. I want to be taken seriously. *twitches his tail*

  46. 46
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I want to be less available, not more available.

    Oh, but cell phones are great for being less available. The college-age students I know who keep their cell phones attached to them at all times are virtually impossible to reach.

  47. 47
    blf

    poopy head → Gustavo Catastrophe

  48. 48
    drksky

    Julio Furtive?

    Bleah

  49. 49
    Stardrake

    Feliciano Adventure!

    Sounds like a video game based on flamenco-tinged pop music….

  50. 50
    chigau (違う)

    My real name generated Pablo Sly.
    bleh
    So I entered that and got Ariel Adventure.
    yes!

  51. 51
    rorschach

    Marcelo. That’s not bad, actually.

  52. 52
    lechatnoir

    The name’s Julio; Julio Scourge. Prepare to be ‘boarded’, Ladies.

    Julio Scourge -> Manolo Badass

  53. 53
    DLC

    Shouldn’t every name return “Collossal Dumbass” ?

  54. 54
    robro

    Per the BBC story I was just reading, Weiner is quoted as saying at a news conference on Tuesday, “I don’t believe I had any more than three…” He doesn’t believe he had more than three of these relationships in the last year or two? Was he not paying attention? He can’t really remember how many sideshows he’s been running in the last year or so, yet he claims to be capable of running New York City? Really? His standing in the polls should be 0 and he should just disappear off the American political stage.

  55. 55
    carlie

    I watched a clip where he said ” not dozens and dozens , but probably 6 – 10.” So he had so many he couldn’t even keep that straight, and I have to think that to get to that number there were probably a lot of swings and misses also ( as in lots more sexual harassment stories waiting to come out)

  56. 56
    randay

    I tried George Zimmerman and got an appropriate name: Marcelino Menace..

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