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Jul 24 2013

True quote

Sometimes I see words of such profound truth that they simply must be quoted.

"By the third time…I was like, you know, this is gratuitous. I do not need to see any more mayonnaise enemas for the rest of my lifetime."

67 comments

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  1. 1
    andrewryan

    “The show, that is completely improvised, to the surprise of many also featured oral sex between the two men… Artists say show meant to challenge audience”

    Was this written by Tarzan, or a 1950s movie Native American?

  2. 2
    steve oberski

    It give’s me a sense of how much societal mores and norms have changed since my childhood* that this would appear as a filler, amusment item on our national CBC television and radio system.

    It gives me hope that we may someday reach the point were we stop worrying about what consensual acts other adults get up to and focus on making the world a better place for all.

    But in my wildest dreams I never would have thought that the path to a better society involved mayonnaise enemas.

    * 50′s & 60′s

  3. 3
    M'thew

    I regret that mayonnaise has been wasted in the creation of art. I hope they used a cheap supermarket brand, not homemade mayo with extra virgin olive oil.

  4. 4
    cervantes

    That show could compete with The Aristrocrats.

  5. 5
    shockwaver

    I’m so glad I decided to skip the Fringe Festival in winnipeg this year..

  6. 6
    NelC

    Winnipeg? I can see that Edinburgh is going to have to up its game this year.

  7. 7
    AussieMike

    It doesn’t matter if no one wanted to see it. What maters is do they work?

  8. 8
    Larry

    Wait’ll you see Act II where they bring out the tunafish!

  9. 9
    holytape

    But it’s not until the fourth time that the mayonnaise enema routine because fucking hilarious.

  10. 10
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Any more mayonnaise enemas?

  11. 11
    otranreg

    @3 M’thew
    I hope they used a cheap supermarket brand, not homemade mayo with extra virgin olive oil.

    Well, it doesn’t have to be extra virgin (and I’ll go as far as saying that it shouldn’t be: it’ll ruin the neutral taste and versatility, and is not particularly traditional), and with the right equipment it’s cheaper and quicker to make your own.

    Also, homemade means that you can control what you squirt up your arse.

  12. 12
    Sili

    Mayonnaise? Anathenema!

    Any Kelloggsian knows that the One True Enema is yoghurt!

  13. 13
    timanthony

    I have to live in Winnipeg. Send care packages; hold the mayo.

  14. 14
    Ivan

    @11: sanitary control is stricter in mass production; homemade mayonnaise may taste better, but this is not an important factor in this case (unless there’s Act 2 of drama “2 Guys 1 Enema”). Many people have died of botulism caused by homemade sausages or canned mushrooms. In case of mayo, I’d beware of salmonella infection.

  15. 15
    gussnarp

    Huh. Can’t say I’m sorry I missed it.

  16. 16
    Samuel Erkison

    I’m pretty sure the last relevant performance artists were COUM Transmissions.

  17. 17
    Doubting Thomas

    This was a picture I did not need in my head thank you very much.

  18. 18
    Raging Bee

    By the third time…I was like, you know, this is gratuitous.

    That’s my reaction to those “Male Gamers Only” ads that are popping up here recently.

    I hope they used a cheap supermarket brand, not homemade mayo with extra virgin olive oil.

    Were there any virgins in the preformance?

  19. 19
    bbgunn

    Is Miracle Whip a viable substitute?

  20. 20
    Brother Yam

    Were there any virgins in the preformance?

    I know I’ve never had a mayo enema…

  21. 21
    Sastra

    “By the third time…I was like, you know, this is gratuitous. I do not need to see any more mayonnaise enemas for the rest of my lifetime.”

    I love the way the “Fringe Festival reviewer” here is being very, very careful to stay hip, tolerant, and “fringe.” It’s not that she has a problem with the public performance of mayonnaise enemas, no. Of course not.

    But it got boring.

  22. 22
    robnyny

    It must be a terrible curse indeed to have such a powerful creative impulse and absolutely no talent.

  23. 23
    Zeno

    bbgunn: Is Miracle Whip a viable substitute?

    Okay, mayo was one thing, but this is beyond disgusting!

  24. 24
    steve1

    If extra virgin olive oil mayonnaise is used in an enema is it still extra virgin?

  25. 25
    Reginald Selkirk

    I see we’re already into the mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip debate. I think that counts as a Godwin.

  26. 26
    Marcus Ranum

    I hope they used a cheap supermarket brand, not homemade mayo with extra virgin olive oil.

    Hell of a way for some olive oil to lose its virginity…

  27. 27
    Shplane, Spess Alium

    @Sastra #21

    Honestly, that’s almost exactly how I’d react.

    “Meh, I’ve seen worse on 4Chan.”

  28. 28
    sigurd jorsalfar

    I just hope they don’t quit their day jobs.

  29. 29
    Zeno

    Selkirk: I think that counts as a Godwin.

    You know who else liked Miracle Whip? Hitler!

    And my brother.

  30. 30
    kevinalexander

    Miracle Whip, definitely. At last they’ve found a use for it. It’s not like anyone in their right mind would put it on a sandwich.

  31. 31
    sigurd jorsalfar

    Where exactly did Hitler like Miracle Whip?

  32. 32
    steve1

    Miracle whip the salad dressing for the kinky.

  33. 33
    stevebowen

    Wait, when did Olive Oyl lose her virginity, and was Popeye popeyed due to the enema? I’m confused and disturbed.

  34. 34
    Anthony K

    Ah, so the performance was a success! It got everyone talking!

    (I’m just sour because I’m not performing for the Edmonton Fringe this year. And no matter how much gratuitous male nudity we have in our shows, we get cleaned out by the enema guys every year.)

  35. 35
    Anthony K

    Where exactly did Hitler like Miracle Whip?

    On his Hamburgers?

  36. 36
    sigurd jorsalfar

    So what did he like on his frankfurters?

  37. 37
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Miracle Whip, definitely. At last they’ve found a use for it. It’s not like anyone in their right mind would put it on a sandwich.

    This +1 gazillion gazillion

  38. 38
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    we get cleaned out by the enema guys every year.

    grumble

  39. 39
    Argle Bargle

    Mayonnaise enemas are nothing. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried a horseradish enema.

  40. 40
    chigau (違う)

    AnthonyK

    …I’m just sour because I’m not performing for the Edmonton Fringe this year…

    There’s always the beer tent.

  41. 41
    Anthony K

    There’s always the beer tent.

    Yeah, but it’s usually filled with theatre types and their audiences. Boring.

  42. 42
    Anthony K

    You haven’t lived until you’ve tried a horseradish enema.

    I cut up chili peppers and then went to pee without washing my hands first. Does that count?

  43. 43
    Rey Fox

    I like Miracle Whip. It keeps food snobs away.

  44. 44
    Anthony K

    With all this talk about Miracle Whip enemas, one has to wonder if this is a stage adaptation of a half-remembered Mapplethorpe photo.

  45. 45
    Anthony K

    I like Miracle Whip. It keeps food snobs away.

    Pro tip: if you’ve already got an infestation in your kitchen, try hanging a strip of flypaper drizzled with truffle oil.

  46. 46
    Reginald Selkirk

    sigurd jorsalfar #31: Where exactly did Hitler like Miracle Whip?
    Anthony K #35: On his Hamburgers?

    Hitler was a vegetarian. No, seriously.

  47. 47
    sigurd jorsalfar

    @46 Ok so we know he wasn’t slathering Miracle Whip on his hamburger or frankfurter … Where was he putting it I wonder?

  48. 48
    quidam

    Hitler (or at least Nazi soldiers) didn’t like mayonnaise

    Mr. Mayonnaise in the French Resistance
    [Australian documentary filmmaker Philippe] Mora, 60, praised the bravery of his father and Marceau. ”Marceau told me this story about my dad being called Mr Mayonnaise in the French Resistance.”

    His father, who had escaped from Germany after the book-burning, noticed German soldiers would never search sandwiches containing mayonnaise in case drips stained their uniforms.

    So the Resistance wrapped the identity papers of Jewish children being smuggled over borders in greaseproof paper, smeared them with mayonnaise and inserted them into sandwiches

  49. 49
    Anthony K

    Hitler was a vegetarian. No, seriously.

    Oh, right. I remember that. Vegetarians have been getting Godwinned about as long as atheists.

    @46 Ok so we know he wasn’t slathering Miracle Whip on his hamburger or frankfurter … Where was he putting it I wonder?

    By a process of elimination (! cf. the OP), it must have been his Berliners.

  50. 50
    quidam

    A more complete article How mayonnaise sandwiches saved kids from Nazis

  51. 51
    anuran

    By the first time most of us would have said there had been two mayonnaise enemas too many

  52. 52
    David Marjanović

    You have[...] lived until you’ve tried a horseradish enema.

    FIFY.

  53. 53
    Anthony K

    By the first time most of us would have said there had been two mayonnaise enemas too many

    What do you Philistines have against art?

    You know, Sturgeon’s Law says that 90% of everything is crap. This is just one theatrical production that attempts to get rid of some of that crap.

  54. 54
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    You heathens!
    Mayo is a product of the devil.
    It should not be consumed by devoted followers of the FSM such as you all. Then you compound your sins by bringing Miracle Whip, horseradish, and Hitler into the mix. This is too much.
    To me my fainting couch!

  55. 55
    gussnarp

    I’m now getting ads for mayonnaise on other sites, damn it. I hate mayonnaise.

  56. 56
    Anthony K

    I’m now getting ads for mayonnaise on other sites, damn it.

    Other sites than anus? Like, nipples, penis, the inside of elbows, that part behind the jaw that fizzes painfully if you try too hard to blow out your ears? Me too, though that may be related to some other searches I was doing earlier.

  57. 57
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    This is just one theatrical production that attempts to get rid of some of that crap

    Not nearly as successful as this one, though!

    Difficult territory is a cornerstone of the visual arts – so artist Mikala Dwyer knew it would be confronting last night when she invited Balletlab dancers to empty their bowels as part of a performance at the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art.

    http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/theatre/dancers-display-private-movements-20130524-2k6x3.html

  58. 58
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    No. Just… no.

  59. 59
    Anthony K

    Difficult territory is a cornerstone of the visual arts – so artist Mikala Dwyer knew it would be confronting last night when she invited Balletlab dancers to empty their bowels as part of a performance at the Australian Centre for Contemporary Art.

    I would imagine it would be a moving performance, but accessible only to those with great internal fibre. Upon evacuation at the end, the audience likely felt very relieved.

    I understand that the show as performed was not Mikala Dwyer’s first idea. No, this was idea number two.

  60. 60
    Rich Woods

    @Anthony K #42:

    I cut up chili peppers and then went to pee without washing my hands first. Does that count?

    Only if you were recently circumcised.

  61. 61
    Anthony K

    Only if you were recently circumcised.

    Well, not recently, but I figure the open sores and lesions are somewhat comparable. So I’m counting it.

  62. 62
    Nathaniel Frein

    Umm…my first time handling habaneros I made the mistake of using the bathroom without thoroughly washing my hands (i did wash, just not well enough to deal with the capsaicin). The act of pulling back the foreskin was enough contact with the oils to light things on fire, so to speak.

  63. 63
    Allan Frost

    quidam @50,

    Thanks for that link. Who’d of thought you could learn something interesting in the comments section of a post about mayonnaise enemas?

  64. 64
    Ragutis

    Shplane, Spess Alium

    24 July 2013 at 10:09 am (UTC -5)

    @Sastra #21

    Honestly, that’s almost exactly how I’d react.

    “Meh, I’ve seen worse on 4Chan.”

    I unwittingly followed a link to spacedicks once. Now pretty much everything looks like rainbows and kittens in comparison.

    hamburger

    Frankfurter

    Hitler was a vegetarian

    Another name for swastika: MorningStar!!11!!!1

  65. 65
    keresthanatos...I am my Evil Twin

    O.K. …..I showed this to Lord Chuthlu…….it’s been about an hour now and he won’t stop screaming……Lord Shatian opened a portal where pearly light came through and shouted “Fuck this shit, you can have them all, I quit!!!” Lord Shiva and Lord Kaili are holding one another and crying.

    I’m going to take my jar of peanut butter and go outside now. Have you ever seen an Eater of All throw up ????

    Truth hurts,

    regards,

    K

  66. 66
    changerofbits

    Ok, have I stepped into an episode of South Park?

  67. 67
    dongiovanni (Now onto Wagner)

    Fraid so.

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