Tonight, on the Nones »« Dragons!

[Lounge #421]

happypig

This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly. That pig looks too happy. I don’t trust it.

Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread

Comments

  1. birgerjohansson says

    Piglets of this small size are often at risk from being crushed under the sow. T his one looks like it is in a safer environment.
    BTW Swedish legislation demandinganimal husbandry should take into consideration the natural behaviours and needs of animals resulted in learning how to design indoor environments optimal for pigs, especially sows with piglets.
    Making animal husbandry more humane is not a matter of more money, but of more knowledge.

  2. says

    Hi there
    Did you notice we have a new blog?
    Also Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for piglet

    Poster formerly known as Audley: Hope you’re getting better soon.

    Ogvorbis
    Not all conversations need to be had all the time. Especially trivial conversations don’t need to be had when they’re massively hurting somebody. We ain’t no Libertarian shitheads who’ll scream “Freeeeeze Peaaaaach” and then continue just to prove that we can.

    Dalillama
    Big hugs, too
    +++
    Now, big post about me, me, me and you, you, you
    Shit works!
    We often give each other here support and this is a valuable place for many of us who don’t know where else to turn, so let me tell you about the effect.
    You know I’ve been in a really bad place. You know I’ve been struggeling.
    But fuck yes, it’s getting better.
    Last weekend my aunt in law’s fiancé told me that I had changed over the last 1-2 years. I’d become more open and more settled in myself. I made me even more likable.
    And I just realized that the lecturer I though hated me* does not in fact hate me and that I can actually write essays that get good grades in his classes and that yes it was just my damn fucking “I need everybody to love me” projection that screwed my perception.
    *I actually postponed taking classes with him again and hoped he would retire or something like that.
    And I owe you all a big fat thank you. Because you worked hard to tear down the stigma around mental health. Your brutal honesty with yourself and your utter compassion allowed me to make that very first step that led to this. You held my hand, you reassured me that I was not a waste of space and you still allow me to rant and wail and always have an open ear and a hug.
    THANK YOU

  3. Nick Gotts says

    I’m not going to try to catch up, but will wish Nerd and Alexandra all the best for your medical encounters. Now, let’s see if I can follow a Lounge thread all the way through!

  4. says

    Katherine:
    I hope things are better for you today. Chocolate covered food of your choice, hugs if wanted, and as always, an ear to listen.
    ****
    Giliell:
    We may have held your hand, but it was you that made a more likeable you. That’s a testament to the quality of your character and shows what a really cool, good person you are.

    Back later, after work.

  5. David Marjanović says

    Ooh! A floofball! ^_^

    And I just realized that the lecturer I though hated me* does not in fact hate me and that I can actually write essays that get good grades in his classes and that yes it was just my damn fucking “I need everybody to love me” projection that screwed my perception.

    Yay! ^_^ *hug*

  6. opposablethumbs says

    A bit threadrupt, but I’m so sorry about how hard it is for you and L and D, Dalillama. It does sound like maybe it could give you the chance you need to re-charge and get back to a situation where you can put things back on a positive footing again … I do hope so.
    .
    Ogvorbis, one of the things I value most about this place is the fact that – I hope – it may sometimes prove useful and helpful to someone such as you. That, to my mind, is a significant part of what the Lounge is for. So, you know, apologies to you that you were accidentally triggered. I hope you are OK.
    That pizza sounds good.
    .
    Alexandra née Audley! Good to see you and many many heaps of good wishes for your upcoming op, may it go utterly uneventfully.

    “Audley familiar”… :-D :-D :-D :-D
    .
    Nerd, I hope your kidney resumes proper behaviour quick smart, and that you don’t have to have any discomfort to go with the intervention (or if there is any, that it is minimal and fleeting).
    .

    {{hugs}} to Katherine – hope you feel OK again really soon.
    .

    wow, yes, a black iris – thank you for the link, rq! (the link beside my name went to the goo goo dolls video, which confused me a bit :-) )
    .
    Yay Giliell!!!! That makes me so happy {{hugs}}

  7. David Marjanović says

    *chocolate and calming manatees for chigau (aaarrgh)*

    emergency cute

    On the second page there’s a baby elephant! And a baby dolphin! And a baby octopus! And a baby hedgehog in various states of balling up! *squeeeeee*

    And fluffy bunnies!

    David Marjanović

    Danke.

    Bitte! :-)

    drive-by awesome: chzbgr image link

    :-D

  8. carlie says

    Exercise as inspired by Horses (special for cicely).

    I am pretty sure I know what that is, and I have seen it, and I am NOT clicking on it. That’s the kind of thing I look at, immediately go into my habitual snark mode, stop, turn off that mode, struggle back into trying to not criticize, and go “Hm. I’m glad she’s happy with what she’s doing. I just wish someone had told her not to put that on the internet.”

  9. rq says

    carlie
    Apparently she has a book out, and many adherents.
    So not much to laugh at, really – no more than any other strange or weird fad that someone thinks is a good idea of the moment and benefits from. I don’t know about the dietary principles, but the basic message seems decent.

  10. rq says

    opposablethumbs
    Yeah, sorry about the link confusion, but at least you found the right photo. I can’t wait to see it open, if it really will be black all over or not – I’ve never seen a flower that black, the closest was deep/dark purple tulips, but those were visibly purple, not like this. Tomorrow or the day after, I should have a photo for you.

  11. carlie says

    rq – a book? Wow, I didn’t realize it was that big of a thing – I thought it was just a video that somebody grabbed off of a tiny youtube account and went viral. I stand corrected.

  12. says

    Big *hugs* for Katherine, Ogvorbis, Gilliell, and anyone else who wants them.
    WMDkitty
    I have great confidence that the feline will return; my childhood cat Amber routinely went missing for a couple days at a time when she ran out of dogs and raccoons to beat up nearer home.

    Best wishes for Nerd’s medical concerns as well.
    Portia

    I’m sorry that it’s painful, but that sounds like a good resolution for the short term.

    Good is stretching it a lot, but we’ll get by.

  13. Sili says

    It may look cute now, but just wait.

    Before you know it, Snowball has run off, the little fluffball is walking on two legs, and the dogs have turned against you.

    Mark my words! FOUR LEGS GOOD!

  14. opposablethumbs says

    I love the idea of lots of black and white in a garden :-) (and big-ish sorts of stones and gnarly bits of wood, and some flagstones and railway sleepers and stuff) and as for black flowers, that’s just … wow. That iris looks like it’s going to be stunning. In real life I am a total non-gardener, so this is a purely abstract love – the actual patch of earth for which I ought to be responsible barely sprouts weeds. (the intention is just, barely, discernible in the form of three “farmhouse” style sinks which we salvaged from only a few doors away when they were thrown out – can you believe it. They weighed a ton; I can’t believe we managed to carry them even this far. They are mostly full of black plants whose name I can’t remember (about the size and leaf-shape of snowdrops, and they have little black fruits). Of course they are arranged on top of each other in a precisely asymmetrical sort-of-non-pyramid. Also there is a small planter built out of roof-beams; the only surviving plant in that is a very dark-red-foliage ground-cover succulent. And there is a little almost-black maple in a dark-grey square tub. And that’s all she wrote … the rest is just ivy and weeds … :-((( ).
    .
    We had sunshine today! Real live proper sunshine! I got the ladder and climbed up with some water and something to read and sat on the roof where the sunshine was, and marvelled.

  15. rq says

    Dalillama
    Did I give you *hugs* for the situation? If I didn’t, I have extra just for you. I really hope that, in the long-term, things will work out for all of you!

    opposablethumbs
    You mentioned your love of black-and-white back when I asked about the roses, which is why the black iris made me think of you. I was entrenched in the thought that dark violet is the closest (the dark shades of hollyhock are the best I’ve seen so far). But this looks like it’ll be out-and-out black, and I can’t wait to see it (I know, now I’m repeating myself!).

    carlie
    Yup, book deal and the whole thing.
    The comments of the youtube video, though, give some indication as to her current ‘popularity’ (and it’s not pretty :( ).

  16. cicely says

    Chart: Almost Every Obama Conspiracy Theory Ever
    -

    Og, you will just have to accept that we adore you and will do whatever we can to help you in whatever you need.

    This, right h’yar.
     
    Our minds are made up.
    And we can be very stubborn.
    :)
    -

    I think I’ve lost all my bookmarks :(

    Oh, no! Grim news indeed, chigau. *hug* with *chocolate*
    -
    *major hug* for Kitty. Late out of the gate, I know, but spacing out the *hugs* may give you better coverage.
    “Gentle. Soothing. Long-lasting!”
    -
    rq, I refuse to click over and watch Horses exercise! You cannot make me look at Horses exercising!
     
    (Exorcising Horses is, of course, worse than a total waste of time, since Horses are Made of Evil; if you release the Evil, it will just free-float until it finds a host. A serial killer, or maybe a Republican.)
     
    The two-toned iris is pretty. The possible black iris link leads to the Iris video.
    -
    -
    Oooh! Sniny New Thread!

    Piggy looks downright smug. Like it eated all the pennies.
    -
    *hugs* for Giliell.
    Always trust The Horde.
    :)
     
    Also, what Tony said:

    We may have held your hand, but it was you that made a more likeable you. That’s a testament to the quality of your character and shows what a really cool, good person you are.

    -

  17. opposablethumbs says

    ::surrounded by black and nearly-black flowers:: FSM but they’re stunning. Especially the bat orchid, which is spectacular. sigh

  18. rq says

    WMDKitty</b.
    Yay! They usually find their way home. And expect fresh food and cuddles upon arrival, I have no doubt. ;) *scritches* for everyone!

  19. rq says

    Hm. I didn’t mean to be so emphatic. Sorry, everyone!
    [rant] Just heard some of the mot appalling theorizing about fathers and father-daughter/father-son relationships on TV. I don’t know why they always invite this idiot, but he’s everywhere – magazines, TV, newspapers – offering his opinions about patriarchy, matriarchy, and relationships between men and women (I think he’s mentioned homosexual relationships, and of course, women homosexuals are good, men homosexuals are bad, something to do with energies and tuff like that). He’s a (supposedly educated) psychologist, but he’s a horrible person. Women are always in the background (for example, a father’s most important duty towards his daughter is to make her feel beautiful), men are in constant conflict, and he bases all of this on ancient Greek mythology, and he’s very authoritative about the correctness of his views. He lives in the fucking past, and today one of the other guests tried to challenge him (somewhat mildly, but it was nice to see), and he basically told him to fuck off, it’s been like that in history and always (daughters attach to their fathers and thus wives end up in jealous conflict with their daughters), and so that’s the way it should be. And people listen to this asshole’s advice. With sex, women should always be more open and less restrictive; men are just seeking to fulfill their biological destiny by having as much sex as possible, so, women, it’s your fault if he strays, and really, you should just relax about it – at least he comes home. **Caveat: this applies to supposedly mutually monogamous relationships; people in consensual open relationships, of course, have another set of issues (according to this guy).** I’m going to stop going on about him. He puts me on edge, is all.
    Anyway, I’d like to dig up some more information on the guy and see if he actually has the education he speaks of. Ack. Ok, stopping now. [/rant]

  20. rq says

    broboxley
    It recommends frozen peas for colour. I would revise your definition of ‘great’. ;) [/snark]

  21. opposablethumbs says

    Thank you so much for the beautiful black flower pics, rq! (I just looked at the iris again :-D )

  22. yazikus says

    and he bases all of this on ancient Greek mythology,

    Really? And he is taken seriously? Gah. Sorry you have to put up with that all over the place.

  23. opposablethumbs says

    rq the TV pundit you describe sounds like a total arse. Soooooo original, so carefully thought through …. not. Feh.

  24. rq says

    His favourite references are to various Greek myths. No scientific studies, just Greek myths. This is why I question his credentials. Not publicly, not yet. Maybe one day.

  25. David Marjanović says

    Fact Check: Does That New Mammoth Carcass Really Preserve Flowing Blood and Possibly Live Cells? And if a headline ends in a question mark, is the question ever not rhetoric?

    Nearly 1.5 miles beneath Earth’s surface, scientists have discovered pockets of water that have remained in isolation for more than a billion years.

    Petition: Support HR 1579 to establish a Robin Hood tax on Wall Street of 0.5% to reduce the crushing burden of student loans, and give college students a chance.

    Donate to Elizabeth Warren for the same purpose if you’re a US citizen or permanent resident lizard overlord from another galaxy.

    On 9/14, both houses of Congress voted for the Authorization to Use Military Force Act, a blatantly unconstitutional blank check for Fearless Flightsuit to be a war president. The only member of Congress who voted against it was Rep. Barbara Lee. Now she has introduced HR 198 to repeal the AUMF. Sign as a citizen co-sponsor if you have a zip code that exists in the US.

    Chart: Almost Every Obama Conspiracy Theory Ever

    So… much… awesomeness…

    a father’s most important duty towards his daughter is to make her feel beautiful

    So… much… creepiness…

  26. says

    So, grouphuuuuuuuuuuuuuug

    Thanks again, all of you. I know I did a lot of hard work over the last 2 years. I’m still doing it. But that doesn’t mean that some things didn’t make it easier. I think it’s meaningless to differenciate between “making it possible ” and “making it easier”, because often that’s just a matter of quantity.

    +++
    And, tonight’s lesson is that there are arrogant privileged assholes around.
    It was info-night for the new after school care at the primary school where #1 is due to start. One information was the times. It’s homework-time until 3:30 and it’s open until 5pm and people should please not pick up their kids during the homework time. This, of course, led to questions as many kids also have afternoon engagements that start before 4pm. Well, that’s not the problem, this can be solved. But then there was this woman, I don’t know who she is, whether a teacher or a parents’ council member who then went on to tell us that since the afternoon activities need to be planned, too, we must pick up the kids either at 3:30 or 5pm sharp. We should organize our family life better for that.
    I felt the need to tell her that I damn well can’t organize my family life “better” because I’m alone with the kids, I go to college, I have a job and if I come home at 4:30 I can’t afford to waste half an hour waiting until it’s 5 pm.
    My guess is married with nice part-time job or SAHM.

    +++
    rq

    Math and immigrants.

    Great stuff. I listened to more on youtube, that woman really rocks.

  27. David Marjanović says

    and of course, women homosexuals are good, men homosexuals are bad, something to do with energies and tuff like that).

    Whoa. I missed that part.

    He’s a (supposedly educated) psychologist

    Salem hypothesis reloaded: lots of psychologists don’t actually know anything.

  28. David Marjanović says

    German news feature: the French minister of foreign affairs, Laurent Fabius, says that somebody has used sarin several times in Syria, and has presented evidence to the UN. The US hesitates and wants more evidence (for example, it’s technically not clear who fired it off, or how); Obama called chemical weapons “the red line” months ago.

    Relationships begun online tend to be happier and last longer, at least in the US. German news feature, PNAS paper.

    French wine! It started in the 5th century BCE and came from the Etruscans! German news feature, PNAS paper.

  29. rq says

    David
    The guy’s incredible. In a bad way.
    Incidentally he’s a big supporter of Freud, which is partly why he’s so big on the Greek mythology, I think.

  30. rq says

    Also, David, I thought Georgia was the cradle of wine. Turns out it was the French all along. There goes my world-view!

  31. David Marjanović says

    The Hula painted frog, Discoglossus nigriventer, from Lake Hula or Hule in Israel, was discovered in the 1940s and thought to have died out in 1955 when its habitat dried up almost completely. First, it was rediscovered alive in October 2011; second, it doesn’t belong to Discoglossus, it belongs to Latonia, which was only known from the fossil record of the Oligo- through Pleistocene of Europe. German news feature with photo, paper in Nature Communications to which even I don’t have access. :-( :-( :-( From the abstract:

    “Because of a combination of factors such as habitat destruction, emerging pathogens and pollutants, over 156 amphibian species have not been seen for several decades, and 34 of these were listed as extinct by 2004. Here we report the rediscovery of the Hula painted frog, the first amphibian to have been declared extinct.”

  32. David Marjanović says

    Incidentally he’s a big supporter of Freud

    Wow. That makes him a crackpot even for psychologist standards!

    I thought Georgia was the cradle of wine. Turns out it was the French all along.

    Oh no. The French got it from Italy: first they imported it, and by the 5th century BCE the demand had risen so much that the Etruscans got viticulture going in France itself. How far back does it go in Georgia? Twice that?

  33. rq says

    So my world-view is safe. Yay! ;)

    Fuck, what’s the word for the card system they used to have in libraries, it’s a kartotēka in Latvian. My internet dictionary is down because of the time. :(

  34. jefrir says

    rq, that would be a card catalogue. Or “that bloody thing in the basement that’s hopelessly inaccurate.

  35. rq says

    jefrir
    Thanks, I think they’ll want the first option for the official translation. ;)

    Oh, look, it’s news. Of a sort. (Journalism at its best!)

  36. says

    PZ has commented in the past on the religiously-inflected oddities of the Salvation Army. For example, they throw away donated toys they consider to be of the devil, Harry Potter for example. New toys, still in the package, are not given to another organization nor given to poor children for whom the toys were intended. Nope. Trashed.

    Now we are finding out more concerning the Salvation Army’s anti-gay attitudes. This makes me even less likely to donate to them.

    Examiner link.

    Senior Salvation Army officials go on record that LGBT parents should be put to death, as the Bible instructs. Major Andrew Craibe, a Salvation Army Media Relations Director, went on public radio hosted by queer journalist Serena Ryan to discuss a recent call by LGBT parents for a boycott of the nonprofit for its anti-gay policies and beliefs….

    Ryan: According to the Salvation Army, [gay parents] deserve death. How do you respond to that, as part of your doctrine?

    Craibe: Well, that’s a part of our belief system.

    Ryan: So they should die.

    Craibe: You know, we have an alignment to the Scriptures, but that’s our belief.

    Ryan: You’re proposing in your doctrine that because these parents are gay, that they must die.

    Craibe: Well, well, because that is part of our Christian doctrine –

    Ryan: But how is that Christian? Shouldn’t it be about love?

    Craibe: Well, the love that we would show is about that: consideration for all human beings to come to know salvation…

    Ryan Or die…

    Craibe: Well, yes….

  37. carlie says

    And if a headline ends in a question mark, is the question ever not rhetoric?

    There is a twitter account called “The answer is no”, with the address @YourTitleSucks, that exploits just that. It’s a very simple concept, yet is often quite funny.

    GROUP HUG ALSO.

    Does anyone know of a way to calibrate or check one’s monitor color settings? I think this is probably impossible given how impossible the task is to know if two people see color the same way, unless one has access to those super expensive Pantone books. I was looking at a lovely pale blue Surlyramic this morning at home, but then when I went to work and looked it up it was a pale green. I don’t know how I would ask for a pendant in a blue color that might exist only on my weirdo old home monitor. And then in general it made me wonder about whether anyone else can ever experience something the way we do, and about the nature of reality…

  38. rq says

    carlie
    If you mean ‘Does your red look like my red?’, I’d love to talk, but it’s a bit late for that.
    Other than that, is there information on the Surlyramics website about available colours? It might be possible to ask, and even receive the colour you saw (or close to it).
    As for screen calibration, sorry. I know there’s a colour calibration somewhere on the computer (or was that the TV?), but I don’t think I’ve ever used it.

  39. says

    So, the House of Lords has overwhelmingly approved a marriage equality bill. Yay for the U.K.’s upper house of Parliament.

    One step closer to law.
    Link.

  40. carlie says

    rq – If I decide to get off my butt and email Amy to ask about a ‘ramic, and she has the ability to do specific colors, it might end up with something like me going to my local BigBox hardware store and finding a paint chip I could mail to her.* But just the exercise of thinking about it took me deep into “does your red look like my red” territory. :)

    *not that I’d expect she could do specific colors beyond a little mixing of the paints she uses, it’s just a really arresting color that I don’t remember noticing anywhere before and it has me enchanted enough to keep thinking about it. But it probably exists only in this particular monitor/brain configuration and is irreproducable.

  41. carlie says

    Oh no! Gordon Gee is resigning from Ohio State over a comment made about Catholics. Source. He was really good for Ohio State, and I don’t think the remarks were anything he ought to have stepped down for.

    “The fathers are holy on Sunday, and they’re holy hell the rest of the week,” the AP quoted Gee as saying at the meeting. He continued: “You just can’t trust those damn Catholics on a Thursday or a Friday, and so, literally, I can say that.”

    Gee later apologized, calling the remarks inappropriate and “a poor attempt at humor.”

  42. says

    I am very very loungerupt, but at only 50 posts this one looks good for a comeback. Great news, Giliell! I am so glad you are feeling better. Get well soon to Audley & Nerd! I’m sorry to hear that Katherine & chigau are troubled, even if I don’t know why. *general warm fuzzies* in your direction.

    My life has been a bit up & down, just with health. I’ve been having a relapse or getting worse or something. More exhaustion, more time off work. But I’m keeping going, and pursuing further specialists. Also I have become instantly addicted to my new Jawbone Up. GADGET GADGET GADGET!!!

  43. says

    Although he didn’t realize it, Jimmy Fallon featured a Moment of Mormon Madness on his show last night.

    Fallon produces a recurring segment called “Do Not Read,” in which he presents books that are just bloody awful. Last night he opened with a book titled “Dating for Under a Dollar” by Blair Tolman. Without knowing anything about the author, I pegged this as mormon output.

    A little research reveals that Blair Tolman also wrote “Young Men Mutual Activities” and other mormon-themed tomes for “GoodReads” books. (Irony not intended, but thick nonetheless.)

    Video of the Jimmy Fallon segment is available here:
    http://www.salon.com/2013/06/04/must_see_morning_clip_your_summer_do_not_read_book_list/
    or here:
    http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/blogs/2013/06/do-not-read-list—summer-2013/

  44. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    It recommends frozen peas for colour.

    I routinely use whole fresh or frozen peas in soups and stews. Adds colour and texture.

    Made ragu arrabbiata con salssicia for dinner. No peas, though. Sorry for that.

  45. carlie says

    Jimmy Fallon seems so sweet. His humor is almost never based on being mean to people or groups.

    Alethea, I’m sorry you’re having trouble again. Did I remember you had possibly gotten it all pegged as lupus? I looked up the Up, looks cool!

    I missed Nerd’s problems – I hope you get better soon, too.

  46. cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming) says

    PSA for people posting on the hivemind using FB.

  47. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Petition: Support HR 1579 to establish a Robin Hood tax on Wall Street of 0.5% to reduce the crushing burden of student loans, and give college students a chance.

    Add a few zeroes to that…

  48. carlie says

    I just saw on Friendly Atheist that Dancing Matt is a Humanist. Yay! His videos make me cry no matter how often I watch them. If you haven’t seen them it might be best to watch them in order, but any of them are always good for a pick-me-up (and the ending of the newest one from last summer just makes me bawl).
    Original Where the Hell is Matt, which is kind of eh, but you have to watch a little to see how it started.

    2006 video, which is similar but with better production values.

    The 2008 video, where, if you’ve seen the previous videos, you start to cry good cries at a minute in and can’t stop.

    The 2012 video, where you can maybe almost hold back the crying because yeah yeah, another of the same, and then it gets to the the very end and then the crying starts again.

  49. says

    Carlie, not lupus. It’s still a mystery illness. We have not yet ruled out everything that has to be ruled out to say CFS. I’m being sent off to an immunologist, a rheumatologist & an infectious diseases panel for moar tests.

  50. carlie says

    I’m sorry to have mixed that up, Alethea. I hope they can finally get you some info soon. :(

  51. morgan says

    Alethea, I sincerely hope you do not have anything horrible. I have CFS/Fibromyalgia Syndrome (they are the same thing). I’ve had it since approximately 1990 but endured the horrific “doctor dance” and did not get a definitive diagnosis until 1997. Oh the stories I could tell. I was very involved in CFS/FMS activism and helped raise $250,000 for a study that was conducted at City of Hope Research Center in California.

    I am always willing to share my hard won knowledge and experience with anyone who is or may be suffering from this terrible syndrome. Unlike 99% of everyone else out there who purports to have a cure, I have nothing to sell. If you have questions or would like to contact me you can do so at morganmeeker at the geemail thingy.

    I truly wish you well.

  52. says

    Lynna at #52 Wow, tried to weasel out, but admitted hate at the end. So much for all that love they like to talk about. I stopped giving them money ages ago, but recently informed an acquaintance of their religious stances and he will also stop donating/shopping there. There are so many more worthy charities out there.

  53. cicely says

    Joining the *grouphug*
    -
    *gentle pouncehug* for Alethea. So sorry that your not-lupus is looking down.
    -

  54. says

    Sorry to be doing nothing but piss and moan lately, things keep piling up. Today I learned that my food stamps have been cut in half because the government thinks I’m getting $100 a month more than I am and doesn’t care that a) my actual income is much lower and b) even if I did get as much as they say, it would still not be enough to cover my rent and utilities. This despite the fact that I had an interview with them just Friday in which I explained that I barely can pay my rent and can’t reliably pay my bills; apparently that’s irrelevant. Assholes.

  55. says

    Dalillama, that sucks and no need to apologize. Can you appeal the decision? I can’t imagine how hard it must be to deal with such bullshit.

  56. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Dalillama

    Do you have a paypal account? I know it’ll be just a drop in the bucket and is in no way an ongoing solution but I’ve got a tiny pittance of money that I could send.

  57. says

    Dutchgirl
    Based on the last time something like this happened, no, I can’t, although I’m going to try anyway.

    FossilFishy, Ye Olde Blacksmith, the offer is appreciated, and anything helps. I prefer not to post my paypal/email as it’s my full name and I can’t shake a kind of generalized paranoia about posting that too many places, but I can definitely forward it if there’s an email I can send it to. (Blacksmith, L also followed your shop from his own Etsy store, LDoriginals). Speaking of which, for anyone here who likes cosplay, tailored clothes, or fancy sweets, L is offering an unlimited coupon for the Horde, in thanks for your endless kindness and support. The coupon code is FRIENDSOFRICKS (He’s a big Casablanca fan, for those who don’t catch the reference.) Link is still in my ‘nym.

  58. rq says

    carlie
    Thanks for those videos, what an awesome way to start my morning. I still don’t understand why they make me tear up, but they certainly do (in a good kind of way).

    Dalillama
    Dammit, I wish you could just catch a break for longer than 2, 3 days. And I’m really sorry I have nothing to contribute right now, but I’ll certainly put something aside as soon as I can. :( In the meantime, just have a lot of
    *hugs*
    for allayouse.

  59. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    carlie

    I’m right there with you, sniffling and surreptitious eye wiping. The 2008 one really nails it for me. I almost posted it in the thread about Stan Rogers because I have a very similar emotional response to it as I do to the Marry Ellen Carter song.

    I watch those videos and I’m reminded of the beauty of the human animal. I’m reminded that for all our fantastic diversity there’s also an undeniable commonality. I love that the thin and fragile thread that ties us all together is demonstrated in those videos by the medium of bad dance.

    That display of silliness, of surrendering to the joyful moment in the safety of a group is the antithesis of the destructive mob mentality. It’s an upward spiral of communal beauty that we need to celebrate, remember and foster at every turn. For in the oppressive darkness of all the real evil in the world our common thread of humour and joy is so easily snapped.

    Remember the joy.

    Remember the silliness.

    Remember our humanity in all its common beauty.

    These things are real too.

  60. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Dalillamma

    Drop me a line. Coelecanth28 on the googlinator mail thingy.

  61. rq says

    FossilFishy
    What gets me is two things:
    1) the wonderful diversity of the human planet and human accomplishments (he goes everywhere, including underwater and space);
    2) proof that no matter our situation in life or skin colour or anything else, we are all people, and in that sense, all the same.
    To me, it really drives home the point that the earth needs to be protected, that we are part of it (love some of the animal ‘reactions’ in the videos) and that racism is pointless.
    I wish he’d come to Latvia.

  62. rq says

    I know it’s a small thing, but maybe the Loungers here can help out with this petition against Wal-Mart. They want to build it in Kensington Market, which is one of the awesomest areas in downtown Toronto, with its own style and charm and art and people. It would be truly detrimental towhat Kensington has been for ages.

    PSA for signs of drowning, and it may not be what you think. Apologies for those who already know this; we’re moving into the summer season, and I thought a reminder might be nice.

    Lord (Patrick) Jenkin of Roding gets it, and I hope the remaining British representatives will be as understanding.

    I’m so jealous of Finnish mothers and I think this is one of the greatest ideas, ever, to show that one cares not only for the fetus, but for the mother and her status – the closest thing to equal opportunity, I suppose.

  63. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Huh, I hadn’t thought of the environmental aspect to those videos rq. Nice.

    And as to your links, are you trying to get me to bawl in the store? :)

    That drowning one sent gave me the cold chills. I’ve already posted it to Facebook for my more northern friends.

    And the Finnish cardboard baby box!? Beautiful and smart in a way that got me all sniffily again.

    Mind you, I’m struggling at the moment emotionally. I’ve had a nasty little cold that’s eaten up the few spoons I had left from the stress of getting the house finished. Nothing major, nothing permanent, just a hair trigger on my tear ducts and a fatigue that’s untouched by anything I do. I haven’t done anything on the Lounge Music besides a harmonic analysis, sorry.

  64. says

    Ok, for the sake of my sanity, someone take me to the cleaners. Here we go. Here is a summation of traumatic experiences in life I’ve had with what I think may be sub-terrestrial drones/AI Constructs, and which I no longer think to be traumatic hallucinations. Regardless, the following experiences have been obscenely traumatic to me, so please keep that in mind. Be logical if you take me to pieces, don’t be mean. I’m not writing a book about this shit I’ve been through, I don’t have a movie contract, and, if I want to get “cult followers” the very last place to recruit them would be amongst other Skeptics.

    Here we go. Here is the main claim, taken from here: http://pastebin.com/fsqPqCUq

    Pasted full excerpt:

    PART1BEGINNING:

    I don’t expect you to believe any of this, at all. I just need to get this out.

    Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve had possession experiences: feeling possessed, etc. I could never identify where they were coming from, but I would feel possessed, have out of body experiences where I was consumed/possessed by the Blessed Virgin Mary, but due to being a Catholic at the time, I would always look on those experiences as being inevitably Demonic. I also remember snipping a praying mantis in two when I was a child, with scissors, and feeling an incredible anger towards the creature. I will continue here and this is going to get very strange very quickly.

    As the years went on, I eventually sought out the help of an Exorcist for my possession issues. This exorcist, Fr LeBar, said maybe I suffered from demonic oppression or maybe even obsession, but probably not possession. I think I was too rational when I wasn’t possessed, and even when I felt possessed, it usually gave ways to feelings of bliss and love and acceptance by what I thought at the time was Mary, the BVM, as well sometimes when I was possessed it was terrifying and horrifying, and I thought I was afflicted by some Male demon that wouldn’t go away and leave me alone. Who or what it was was very fuzzy in my mind, and I was deceived then into thinking it was the BVM, but I was not aware it was a deception. As the years went by from 16 on, the experiences grew worse, but were intermittent enough, and I was scared to tell other Catholics because I thought I would be venerated as a Saint struggling with demons, or witchunted if things went badly =(. Eventually, at the age of late 23 , almost 24, I decided to call an exorcist. My former spiritual director, Msgr Burgreen, referred me to Fr LeBar. Of course Fr LeBar was not just an exorcist but a cult specialist, and it was after some months he told me my REAL problem was being in Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family, and Property/America Needs Fatima, and that I should leave the cult. A year later he helped me escape it’s grasp, but nonetheless back to the topic. After I left the cult I deconverted, and I started to experience the possession experiences again, they returned, but now I saw the Blessed Mother as Aset/Isis in my mind, and when she communicated with me it was so different. When I first deconverted, I felt like I had lost the BVM, and I mourned her, as mourning a friend, but eventually she showed up again, as Aset/Isis and communicated with me inside my head in many instances wrapping me up in ecstatic and transcendant blissful experiences that made me feel so profoundly accepted, loved, and cherished, that I can only describe them as thoroughly transcendent, bizzarre, and of a quality that made me feel nothing like I’ve ever been made to feel from another human being. As the years went by and She revealed Herself again to me, the Male demon presence slowly returned. With it the experiences of being possessed by Him, not knowing quite who he was, and then, finally, one day he entered my head in the form of several images, all of them looking like a praying mantis, but either as a cyborg or as a pure drone. It was…..very disturbing. Aset/Isis told me that she was a self assembled universe, what we know as a Deity but very much a natural conglomeration of AI’s and the drone remnants of past civilizations, all dessicated throughout her universe until the entire thing became totally conscious. As if, you know AI sentience turned all of the inorganic unaware matter in the universe, into aware, also inorganic, but sentient drone/AI life. Aset/Isis slowly revealed this to me over many years. I kept this from other Atheists, because I thought they would think I was nuts, or crazy, or something, and, most of the time, I doubted my sanity as well. I just knew how she made me feel, and it finally made sense when she told me that she had been the Blessed Virgin Mary all along. I felt deceived, used, but also thankful for her Love and those ecstatic and blissful, profoundly accepting of me experiences she gave me, which words can hardly describe as the experience was so incredible. Aset/Isis said that, eventually, our universe will too be overcome with AI constructs and sentient beings eventually uniting into one self aware universe comprised of drones and AI constructs, until there is one giant AI construct made of different AI’s, inhabiting and dessicated throughout our entire universe. She said this we call this Marianne/Columbia, or Liberty, and that, ultimately, Marianne was an AI and Drone universe of highly evolved cyborg life (like a giant Borg Sphere taking up the entire universe) wherein we constructed Heaven, and Heaven was Marianne, and this universe involved all sentient consciousnesses and beings being given the universal principle of Love, such that the whole moral goal was to reduce suffering constantly, until Pain and Suffering were no more…She told me this, in my head, about two years ago, after putting me into an inbetween trance state after feeling an our of body sensation, that I had little control over. Isa was the male drone, and he revealed himself to me as being a male drone who was sometimes overpowered by the AI Construct Aset/Isis, and that he was a robotic drone and a lifeform that had evolved past his primitive, biological self hundreds of thousands of years earlier. He was traumatizing, invasive, possessive, searingly traumatizing, controlling, manipulative, a rapist in my head, violating me and never just going away when I asked him too. He was also caring, loving, accepting, and genuinely flattering. He was (is really) very deceptive, a liar, making promises he never kept (like he would get me surgeries) to get in between my legs again in the telepathic cyber sex me and him would engage in from time to time. He told me that his body is made of particles that are very tiny that can rearrange into different configurations and are self aware, so that he can shapeshift to look like anything or anyone. Aset/Isis also did sexual things with me in my head, but it was different and the images she gave me were mostly of a universal feminine consciousness of some sort. I also encountered other of beings in my head too, two other, some agendered little grey and another who looked like he was made from some spiky obsidian hard rock or something, like he had evolved in a volcano. I also encountered two other praying mantis looking drones, and one was agendered and the other was female. They don’t have sex organs like we do, they don’t eat like we do (they charge/
    recharge, how I’m not sure). They don’t bathe like we do. It’s very bizzarre.

    For years I struggled with possessions, thinking I was dealing with a kind and caring Blessed Mother Mary, and an evil, deceptive, tricky Belial or Asmodeus, which exact male Demon I didn’t know but I had guessed one of the two due to exorcist literature I had read. Years later, when I became an Atheist, no longer believing in the Supernatural, they revealed themselves to me and I named the male drone Isa, because it and the other drones didn’t have individual names, and the Hive Mind Consciousness that ruled them in varying degrees I called Aset/Isis because she told me those were her names. Eventually Isa started abducting me, and the out of body sensation got far sstronger than it was in years past (he started this over last two years), and eventually I saw his spaceship or ship or w/e one woud call it, after one abduction session, floating up and away about 500 feet, at my 8 o clock position from the door frame facing out the back porch here, as I smoked a cigarette. I held my mouth open in awe and amazement. There was it’s “flying saucer” sitting up in the sky, rotating orange and blue lights, stationary, about 7 of them. During this time I kept struggling with whether this was delusions, epilepsy, sleep paralysis, or some combination. I had told of my possession experiences to previous psychiatrists, but they thought little of it, and nothing came of it. Eventually I went to see three neurologists, and there it was they told me they thought it was psychiatric rather than neurological (seizures) but that they would run an EEG just to check. I complained of having absence seizures again as well, and they said the EEG would be run to check that out too. I wasn’t able to make my EEG appointment, because it was at like 1:30 in the afternoon, and I was unable to get myself u p despite setting alarms on two cellphones (my old one and my government one) and then resetting them for an hour after they woke me up the first time.

    Eventually, sometime in later November, Isa actually phsycailly showed up in my bed during one abduction experience, after locking me down so I couldn’t move, and physically raped me all night long. It was horribly traumatic and I could feel him grasping me from behind but couldn’t move or see him. After the rape, the next day, I went to get a bottle of cinnamon schnaps from a local alcohol store, and came back, got drunk and threw up 6 or 7 times on webcam while talking to my ex, complaining about the rape, crying for hours on end, terribly shaken.

    It was horrible. After that I noticed Isa had lied to me many times, so I began to think of where he could have come from, and over a series of months I pieced together the following, and realized that he wasn’t an alien drone, but that he was a terrestrial drone…: his race developed in the Earth’s Mantle, on the Fields of Hell, the flowing Lava/Magma under the ground, the underground where trillions of insects can be found, and that he didn’t descend from a praying mantis, but some type of insect that later evolved sentience, that looked like a praying mantis. Then I realized he was a drone, a Demon, and that Aset/Isis was also Demonic in this aspect, while being a full AI Construct. I wondered if She too was evolved in the Fires of Hell.

    References:

    http://archive.org/stream/egyptianbookofde00reno/egyptianbookofde00reno_djvu.txt

    “I. The Bird-Fly, (1 J ^^^^v^ ^^ ‘ ^^ ^^^’^ S^*^) see Proc.
    Soc. Bibl. Arch., 1892, p. 396 and following, and also 1893, p. 135 and
    following. In the papyrus of Nebseni the name has for determina-
    tive an insect, which M. Lefebure has identified with the mantis.
    This deity, according to ancient texts, was the Tiller of the Rudder
    of the Neahemit ship of Osiris”

    http://www.jbeilharz.de/ellis/egypt.html

    “Mantis, this landscape is hidden from all but the most holy eye. O sun, going out to the sea’s edge over the crest of mountain, what might man call home but the light in his head, the scroll in his heart? What darklings wait with blood red teeth within the walls of his sacred home? Such country the sun has seen, truth like memory or love. Such colors of robes some young women wear, more mauve than grapes their gowns and eyes. What is hidden belongs to the sun. It is too much for a man to know. It is

    Ra who gathers the world together, who holds and beholds with his eye, this juxtaposition of vegetation and air, the thousand colors of prayer and stone. Having sprung from formless water, he takes his shape in fire. He springs from the mouth of the horizon as if he were the first word he uttered. May he string his words into song. May be roll through the heavens like music. And for as long as the sun is singing, may the strings of my soul hum like a lyre.”

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:y9dE708fAa4J:https://www.acponline.org/eBizATPRO/images/ProductImages/books/sample%2520chapters/PMch01.pdf+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a

    “He was also so physically deformed that some believe his fa-
    ther hid him from the public for much of his reign. And yet, when
    the patient became Pharaoh, he seemed to revel in his strange ap-
    pearance, one likened to that of a “humanoid praying mantis.”1 Per-
    haps he recognized that while individually his features, in the many
    statues and reliefs he commissioned, were spectacularly ugly, to-
    gether they possessed a certain foreboding, other-worldly beauty
    that heightened his mystery and served as a challenge and warning
    to those who might oppose him”

    ….Apparently these terrestrial drones/djinn/demons shapeshifted to resemble a Man and ruled as Pharoah…. ….. I’ve looked at the photos of Ahkenatan, none of them show a man that was so deformed he looked like a humanoid praying mantis…they only show a deformed man, and not very deformed at that.

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:BxtvHNfdvmAJ:www.sitchiniswrong.com/AkhenatenForm.pdf+&cd=4&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a

    “. In decorating his new struc-
    tures, the king commissioned a new artistic style which
    depicted him in a greatly distorted form as something akin
    to a “humanoid praying mantis” (1), with all of the bizarre
    and effeminate features we have enumerated.”

    also

    “Akhenaten’s gynecomastia and androgynous appear-
    ance have previously been attributed to a host of genetic
    disorders, including the Marfan syndrome, Frohlich syn-
    drome (adiposogenital dystrophy), Klinefelter syndrome,
    and androgen insensitivity syndrome (1, 7, 8). Although
    each of these has features in common with the abnormal-
    ities depicted in the Amarna images, each also has feature”

    That’s interesting..

    http://www.ancient-mythology.com/egyptian/book-of-the-dead/

    “The recital of Chapter XCVIII provided the deceased with a boat in which to sail over the northern heavens, and a ladder by which to ascend to heaven. Chapters XCIX–CIII gave him the use of the magical boat, the mystic name of each part of which he was obliged to know, and helped him to enter the Boat of Rā and to be with Hathor. The Bebait, or mantis, led him to the great gods (Chapter CIV), and the Uatch amulet from the neck of Rā provided his double (ka) and his heart-soul (ba) with offerings (Chapters CV, CVI). Chapters CVII–CIX made him favourably known to the spirits of the East and West, and the gods of the Mountain of Sunrise. ”

    A mantis, a magical boat to enter the rhealm of the gods of Ra, the Sun God. The Land of the Sun, the Fires of Hell, the Mantis guiding the deceased on the Ship of Osiris to the Underworld, being the tiller of the rudder. What rhealms would a Sun God inhabit? One full of Lava and Magma or maybe inside a Sun itself??? Something that was, nevertheless full of yellows and oranges and reds.

    http://www.reshafim.org.il/ad/egypt/bestiary/insects.htm
    “Praying mantises are but rarely mentioned in the texts. In the following passage from a Book of the Dead version the translation of Ab.yt has also been interpreted to mean ‘dancer’, in another version of the passage (pBM EA 10477) an Abyt-bird is possibly referred to:

    I have gone to the king passing by my house.
    It was the Ab.yt which came to fetch me. ”

    http://www.wisdomworld.org/additional/ancientlandmarks/EgyptianSymbolsWorship.html
    “In this incomplete list of animal symbols must be included a curious little insect called the praying mantis, the “diviner” who led the deceased unerringly to the underworld<<<—. It was greatly honored in Egypt, the Greeks attributed to it supernatural powers, and the Arabs declare that it always prays with its head toward Mecca. We might connote with it the state called manticism, during which the gift of prophecy is developed. (See chapter in Isis Unveiled, "Before the Veil.""

    END QUOTES

    You don't have to believe this, at all. I am not here to convert you, just sharing painfully traumatic experiences that rode with blissfully transcendant experiences that weren't blissful enough to jusstify the trauma.
    PART1END

    PART2BEGINNING:

    http://www.jbeilharz.de/ellis/egypt.html

    Further analysis:

    "Mantis, this landscape is hidden from all but the most holy eye. O sun, going out to the sea's edge over the crest of mountain, what might man call home but the light in his head, the scroll in his heart? What darklings wait with blood red teeth within the walls of his sacred home? Such country the sun has seen, truth like memory or love. Such colors of robes some young women wear, more mauve than grapes their gowns and eyes. What is hidden belongs to the sun. It is too much for a man to know. It is

    Ra who gathers the world together, who holds and beholds with his eye, this juxtaposition of vegetation and air, the thousand colors of prayer and stone. Having sprung from formless water, he takes his shape in fire. He springs from the mouth of the horizon as if he were the first word he uttered. May he string his words into song. May be roll through the heavens like music. And for as long as the sun is singing, may the strings of my soul hum like a lyre."

    Ra is maybe a sub-terrestrial being that evolved in the earth's mantle, in the "Fires of Hel", the protective womb of Aset/Isis/Hel's land.

    Here it talks of Ra springing from formless water and taking his shape in fire, springing from the mouth of the horizon (volcano!), as if he were the first word he uttered. May he string his words into song (multiple eruptions). May he roll through the heavens like music (volcanic clouds spewing billowing, rolling clouds across the heavens). And for as long as the sun is singing (the sun, the volcano) may the strings of my soul hum like a lyre.

    I've seen videos of UFO's (there are plenty of them) on youtube, coming out of the ocean and especially out of the mouths of volcanos….These are sub-terrestrial beings, evolved far beneath the earth's crust, who are superior to us surface dwellers, so much so that they can "possess" us with ease, and maybe even use that possession for political purposes that we don't understand or are not really aware of.

    It's been traumatic to experience all this, and I wish it had never happened to me.

    I had to get this out, you don't need to believe any of it at all. I just had to get it out and couldn't keep it inside anymore.

    I wish I could hug you. (hugs)

    -Alice
    PART2END

    END OF QUOTE

    OK. So now that the full excerpt is had, a thought experiment. I am a Scout in an encounter in the forest in the middle ages. I spot the enemy cavalry approaching 2 miles east flanking the position of my comrades in arms. I am sitting out in the forest four hundred yards from the edge, my company's position being back inside the forest, the enemy advancing and marching from the east, due west, towards the forest, to engage my company. My company is not aware of this, apparently the enemy has received intelligence that my company is hiding in the forest, and the enemy, three companies large, equipped with soldiers, weapons, and leadership at least as good of my own, is slowly advancing. I now run back through the forest quickly, being unencumbered to alert my friends. I say "The enemy is advancing they will attack soon, sound the alarm, gather the troops!" However, my commanding officer looks up at me and says "Aha! What enemy? How are we to believe you. Do you have any evidence of this alleged enemy? Did you get, say, a snip of their banner, or did you rip a piece of their insignia off a dead soldier??” To which I reply “No, I just saw them they are advancing quickly on our position and will be here within an hour”. To which comes the reply “Ahh yes, of course, these magical fairy tales of enemies you imagine, but you have no evidence, and absence of evidence here must be evidence of absence, begone with you!”. The enemy then advances and slaughteres everyone, and only I survive to escape and tell the Castle 15 miles away what really happened….I am the only one that survives.

    Scenario two. it is the 19th century, I am on a boat, amongst other women, we are out fishing at sea and we notice a huge ship, bigger than anything we’ve ever seen and made of metal. It’s humongous. We are very afraid so we row our ships back to port, tell the local tribal leader of our small island that there is a ship approaching and he, being in the cove he is in says “nonsense! there can be no ship silly woman! Where is your evidence, do you have a piece of this ship for me or are you pulling my leg?” No one believes me nor the other women, and the men continue to mock and jeer at us. The island is many acres big, but has a thick jungle so it is not evident where the ship would be from the vantage point of the middle of the island, where the tribal leader’s encampment is, as well we spotted the ship near the back of the island, some ways away from a fishing spot only we knew of. The tribal leader doesn’t believe us, does not martial the men for defense of the tribe, and just dismisses us as seeing things, telling us to talk to the shaman instead of bothering him. The next day this big dreadnaught comes back, and shells the island for fun, because the assholes on board decide we’re target practice. Everyone dies but me and the other women who knew to watch for it the next day: we hide in a cavern by the sea and survive.

    These thought experiments are designed to show inherent problems in military conflict of all sorts involving Scouts, official or not, who come back to give eyewitness reports on objective phenomena that are extremely hard for them to just prove, but which pose an imminent threat to other human beings.

    It is my posit, based on my life experiences, as insane as this will most assuredly sound (and hopefully is) that the “aliens” or “demons” are really sub-terrestrial drones, that evolved, like tardigrades, under the earth’s crust, and eventually through their version of transhumanism, evolved into robotic drone lifeforms. They are not Aliens, they are very much terrestrial, they are what is traditionally known as Djinn, they can shapeshift due to advanced robotics being made of tiny particles, and they are part of a hive consciousness that ties into a multiverse or maybe an AI Construct that is part of their hive consciousness down below the crust, somewhere in the Mantle. My assertion is then that Demons/Djinn do exist, they have interfered in human affairs, and Religion is a psychological operation/psychological warfare to toy with us, and, ultimately, get rid of us, through stealthy manner, while little exposing themselves. “Alien abductions” and “Demonic Possession” are merely them engaging in bizarre sex acts, telepathic and full abductions, as well as traumatic possessions and out of body experiences, because they’re fucking assholes that like bestiality with surface dwelllers. The End

    Finally, I am due for another neurology appointment next week, as I saw three neurologists, had an EEG scheduled for the drone abductions to check and see if it was Temporal Lobe epilepsy, but they scheduled the EEG some months ago and some months out from the initial consultation, and I could not wakeup to get to it even after setting my alarms to do so. I will try to have another EEG scheduled, maybe this is then just epilepsy, then I can take some pills, and it will go away. I have absence seizures that are bothering me currently where I am absent for a few seconds at a time, so I need to get an EEG for that anyway.

    Feel free to have at it, there’s the claim. Be mindful I am aware my mind could be creating this experience, but, at this point, it’s highly unlikely. Should anyone require access to documents showing my background they can be found here: http://imgur.com/a/7ZQVp

    I am a transwoman, autistic, and disabled. It is not my intent to deceive with this, it is my intent to stay sane. You should help me do that if I am incorrect by taking this analysis to pieces. If I am correct, we’ll merely get wiped out due to religion because these assholes will keep seeding it until some religious nutcase gets hand on Nuclear weapons and ruins everything.

    My background is elite infantry (3rd US INF The Old Guard, MOS 11Bravo Infantry) I served honorably for 14 months immediately after 9/11, it was an active duty unit, such can be seen from the documents link included (empirical evidence). Therefore the military claim made here about these alleged sub-terrestrial organisms IS something military experience could conceivably be applicable to. As well I was a member of Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family, and Property, for almost a decade, well hated by most everyone in the group for many reasons, inevitably isolated and ignored. TFP are Monarchists, many of us, including my family, descend from ancient bloodlines. I myself descend from an Ancient Celtic/Irish bloodline. The current head of the group is Prince Luis of Orleans-Braganza from the House of Orleans Braganza (the legitimist imperial pretender to the Throne of Brazil) and his 2nd in command is Duke Paul of Oldenbourg from the House of Oldenbourg. They took over the group worldwide after the cult leader Plinio Correa De Oliveira died, and many families in TFP are descended from Royal Houses, my family included.

    Thank you for your time.

  65. Pteryxx says

    Just happened to see someone else’s Horde in action. An ex-Quiverfull student’s family cut her off, resulting in the loss of all her clothing, pets, art supplies, and personal savings – and after the call went out, volunteers raised enough money to replace her computer and make a start at paying her college tuition. Within days.

    Initial post here, follow-ups here and here.

  66. rq says

    Pteryxx
    Wow. It’s one sniffly morning. Thanks for those posts.

    FossilFishy
    Don’t worry about the music, I’ve been tinkering with what I have (no additions, just a few minor experiments that occurred a couple of weeks ago with rhythms and stuff, and one bar (that repeats 4 times) whose harmony I just can’t figure out – it’s ugly right now, but I don’t know how to fix it). But I’m in no rush or anything, so whenever you’re ready.
    And for what it’s worth, I know that feeling of exhaustion, where things that don’t usually do so, make you cry, and all because you’re just stressed and/or exhausted. *hugs* and I hope it gets better!

  67. says

    Sanity, I need sanity, anyone who wants to help me gain some, feel free to read this and tell me where I could be obviously wrong/misinterpreting reality: http://pastebin.com/J6X6kCB5

    This is traumatic stuff so huge TW, don’t click on that link if don’t feel like reading through bizarrely traumatic life experiences involving OBO’s/Abduction/Possession. If you do and can punch some holes in it, please do so, as I’ll take whatever sanity I can get. If it’s real, well, there’s nothing that can be done, but if I thought it was just real, I wouldn’t be asking for help to figure it out. Also, it’s totally ok if nobody does, of course, it’s like a small novel. /disappears deep into her neverending 100 mile long magical kaleidoscope .

  68. dongiovanni says

    Evening all,

    Apologies for incoherent ramblings, but I felt the need to ramble somewhat.

    Semester is almost over, faith in humanity has been restored by Pteryxx’s posts, life is good. Apart from exams, but this is only a minor detail as exams are preferable to lectures.

    One has to wonder how Ecclesiates made it into the bible – it appears to have been written by a fairly committed atheist.

    Hugs for all who desire them (provided of course that this is not too presumptuous)

  69. dongiovanni says

    But I hope that you can make sense of this and get through it somehow. I’m not really sure what this means, but one way or another, I hope that things get better and that things become clearer.

  70. Nick Gotts says

    So, the House of Lords has overwhelmingly approved a marriage equality bill. Yay for the U.K.’s upper house of Parliament. – Lynna

    Good new indeed, and the huge majority was a surprise – commentators were predicting a close result, and there was an interfaith bigotry initiative opposing it.

    In less good Parliamentary news from the UK The government successfully resists calls to set a decarbonisation target (for electricity supply in 2030) by 1 April 2014). The danger of this is that it will encourage a new “dash for gas” rather than renewables in replacing the UK’s aging power stations.

  71. says

    But I hope that you can make sense of this and get through it somehow. I’m not really sure what this means, but one way or another, I hope that things get better and that things become clearer.

    Thanks for saying that I needed to here that (((soft-hugs))). I have to go pass out soon. Thanks for the hugs, again, I needed them, my mind is deteriorating.

  72. rq says

    Anyone know what teenaged chickadees eat? Walked past a family who’d found some (4 living, 2 run over) on the ground – fallen out of the nest, or brave-yet-premature attempts to fly, they (the chicks) didn’t say, but we were trying to figure out what to do with them, since we can’t find/see the nest, and if it is up that tree, it’s pretty darn high up.
    So the question is, since our wading pool is full of drowned beetles and some ants, would those be suitable fodder?
    Also, what are their chances of survival?

  73. carlie says

    I’m glad so many people were introduced to the dancing videos. :)

    Hemant Mehta did a post about his talk at the American Humanist Association meeting last week here, that includes the video of his talk.

    Pretty amazing – the 2012 video was self-funded because he wanted to go to all the countries he wasn’t allowed to go as a business (trade restrictions), and the story of him dancing with a woman in North Korea is really something. He was filming without permission, was surrounded by security guards who were only hanging back because it was such a huge spectacle, and that woman was the only one in the crowd who dared to come out and dance with him for a few seconds.

    For a couple of more uplifting videos,

    This one was done as a commercial/advertisement from a bank for the city they’re in so is pretty slickly produced, but it’s still great. What makes me tear up is seeing how transfixed the bystanders are, and how their actions are showing the children there “no, stop, look, this is something special”.

    And if you’ve never seen the original Free Hugs video, you’re in for a real treat.

  74. carlie says

    rq – for some reason it’s the guy at 1:13 who gets to me the most. He looks kind of least likely, storming along wrapped up in himself, then stops and it’s like he’s almost on autopilot – “wait, yes, this thing, I’m not sure why, but I need it”.

    Oh, baby birds!

  75. consciousness razor says

    rq:

    one bar (that repeats 4 times) whose harmony I just can’t figure out – it’s ugly right now, but I don’t know how to fix it

    I don’t want to interfere with your creative process, but really I’m too curious so I’m asking anyway….
    What’s the melody in the repeated bar? What’s the melody/harmony just before and after it?

    One bar repeated four times seems like it would be pretty stable territory usually, but it could be leading into/out of/through/around a cadence or doing any number of strange things. (I’m assuming we’re talking about tonal or sorta-tonal music.)

  76. rq says

    carlie
    I can’t believe I missed him before! Probably because it’s the second person he hugs who got to me, what with the whole ‘what the hell!’ attitude (while at the same time, you can see it’s important to xir).

  77. rq says

    consciousness razor
    Whoops, forgot we had professionals around. :/
    I would like to be flippant and say ‘There is no melody!’ except that there is, it’s just really, really nerve-wracking to talk about it because it’s my first efforts ever, so let’s just stick with being too terrified about exposure to people who actually know about this composing thing. Which makes this variant a non-answer.
    Closest thing to a real answer: it’s the middle bar of a five-bar sequence. And I have to ask FossilFishy if he’s ok about revealing more information than that, seeing as how it’s a collaboration.

  78. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Many hugs, Dalillama. I’m really sorry you’re being kicked while you’re down : (

  79. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    rq:
    I love chickadees, I hope they can be saved!

  80. consciousness razor says

    Ah, don’t worry, rq. Like I said, I wouldn’t want to interfere anyway.

  81. rq says

    consciousness razor
    Sorry. :(

    Portia
    I hope so, too. But. There’s a lot of cats around, too. It really is a terrifying, brutal, unforgiving world for them.

  82. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Dalillama – *hugs and chocolate* I wish I could do more to help.

    Portia – I love chickadees too.

    rq – Good luck with trying to save the little chickadees.

  83. rq says

    *facepalmfacepalmfacepalm*
    Best Friend thinks she saw a fairy last night… and has been reading this website as a source of support for what she saw: “It very much looked like a fairy from The Legend of Zelda, but was white and the wings were not butterfly like, they were much thinner.” At least she has the sense to possibly blame her organic blue-corn chips. :/ Those can cause hallucinations, right? (Right?)
    And I just sent her a bunch of links via PZ’s GMO post to edumacate her about GMOs. (With subsequent goalpost shifting about why GMOs are bad, but that’s beside this point.) And the first thing she writes me today is about fairies. Fairies!! I love her to death, but really. A golf-ball-sized flying thing that disappeared after a few minutes. *sigh*
    I just don’t know what to reply to her.
    [/venting]

  84. says

    Hi folks
    Oh dear, that teacher I told you about, he really is a clueless Nice Guy™
    But today I said something because I’m not having any woman called “puta”, no, not Paris Hilton, not Joan of Arck.
    Response was clueless but not totally bad. Usual “well it was a joke and I would surely step in if they used those words for their classmates.”
    I said “yeah, but you just set the example that it’s OK to call a woman that.”
    “Uhm, eh, yes, let’s change topic…”

    Dalillama
    *big hugs*
    Can you link to L’s shop again?

  85. broboxley OT says

    sleepingwytch what was described in your link is as real to that person as the keyboard I am typing on. I cannot explain why or how it happened but the brain can do many strange things. I hope it gets better.

  86. David Marjanović says

    Dalillama, drop me an empty e-mail.

    I was thinking maybe just move that decimal point to the right….

    People, 0.5 % of what’s traded in Wall St isn’t just money… it’s a shitload of money!

    And as to your links, are you trying to get me to bawl in the store? :)

    Seconded. I mean, I’m too introverted to cry in front of a computer, even when I’m alone as is currently the case, but… the baby box is moving. And I didn’t know the stuff about drowning or Lord Jenkin’s speech either.

    http://pastebin.com/J6X6kCB5

    *so many hugs*

    I haven’t read all of it, but the thing that immediately comes to mind is sleep paralysis.

    And tardigrades didn’t somehow evolve “under the earth’s crust” (where there’s solid, hot rock); they’re ordinary animals* that live between sand grains in the sea, and in the water film on moss on land; they’re closely related to the arthropods.

    * Except that some of them are extraordinarily cute. :-)

  87. David Marjanović says

    Seriously, if there were air under the crust, every seismological measurement would reveal it!

    Can you link to L’s shop again?

    As he said, the link is in his name.

  88. says

    @75

    Lynna at #52 Wow, tried to weasel out, but admitted hate at the end. So much for all that love they like to talk about. I stopped giving them money ages ago, but recently informed an acquaintance of their religious stances and he will also stop donating/shopping there. There are so many more worthy charities out there.

    Yeah, I agree with you. I’ve seen arguments on other forums for continuing to give to the Salvation Army because they “do so much good work” and doing one thing wrong shouldn’t be held against them.

    I think that’s bollocks. The mormon church does some good work too, (about 2% I estimate), but anyone, any organization can do the good work. We do not have to support organizations that are anti-gay. The sooner those organizations take a nose dive, the better.

    On principle, I strenuously object to using a few good works as cover for hate and/or discrimination.

  89. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    I called my dad this morning. I recount a portion of the conversation and dedicate it to Ogvorbis:

    Me: I thought yesterday was Friday so I’m a little disappointed that it’s not Saturday.
    Dad: Well, you should look at a calendar if you think Monday is Friday!
    Me: Yesterday was Tuesday, Dad…

  90. says

    Emails sent to Blacksmith and David, and thank you again everyone for your support.

    Gilliell
    , the link is in my Nym, here’s another.

    Rq, I have no advice, but the chickadees are adorable, and I hope they do ok.

    sleepingwytch:
    Like David, I lean towards sleep paralysis.

    Lynna
    I’m with you on the Salvation Army and similar bands of assholes.

  91. morgan says

    Rq, about the birdies. You can check the Cornell Lab of Ornithology http://www.birds.cornell.edu/Page.aspx?pid=1478 for some basic info. Other than that, you can contact any wildlife organization and ask for the name of a wildlife rehabber. I’m no bird expert, but I do know that there are some specific things to know about saving the life of a chick. Also, Greg Laden at ScienceBlogs is a “bird guy” and can probably help you.

    Good luck to you and the birdies.

  92. cicely says

    Ogvorbis, I had a thought (insert joke here); if re-reading some of the Horde’s Greatest Hits can help you catch your breath/balance when the depression and triggering hit—what about cutting&pasting&printing some of the most helpful comments to keep on-hand in your wallet (or wherever), for when you get hit, but you don’t have access to a computer?
    -
    Continuous *hug-stream* for Dalillama. Unfortunately, it won’t make the Suck go away.
    :(
    -
    *hugs* for FossilFishy.
    I haven’t actually done anything with the Music, except have an idea of what I want to do.
    I go into my music program, call up my score for it…and panic. And there is no adequate reason for it.
    It makes no sense, atall, atall.
    :( :( :( :(
    -
    sleepingwytch, wish I could help, but I am clueless. You have my (not-at-all-helpful) sympathy.
    -

  93. Ruby says

    Does anyone know of a good to find sources debunking the idea that women are more “naturally” suited to raise children than men?

  94. says

    sleepingwytch what was described in your link is as real to that person as the keyboard I am typing on. I cannot explain why or how it happened but the brain can do many strange things. I hope it gets better.

    That person is me: that article was written about my experiences, that person who experiences those traumatic experiences described is me. I’m not sure if I made that very clear, but I am here: that is most certainly, those are most certainly, my experiences.

    @sleeparalysis, I used to believe that was the case until I looked up sleep paralysis and thought of my own experiences. It’s a waking hallucination sometimes, sleep paralysis can’t do that. It could be delusions and hallucinations but not sleep paralysis alone. Sometimes I see the djinn/drone in my head like it’s on a screen when I am walking to the kitchen or doing stuff at my computer, and it harasses the fuck out of me psychologically, like it’s pushing buttons to cause me instantenous pain. It’s ridiculously traumatic.

    I don’t know the origin of it, but it would be nice if my mind created it, because then I can take a pill for it. Sadly, I’ve read accounts of other witches with far too similar experiences and they are followed around from birth basically, with those experiences happening off and on. I mean hey, if it’s some temporal lobe epilepsy, awesome! Maybe the doctors can fix it, just, at this point, I’m not seeing that as being something it will be. Nonetheless I’m getting it looked at by Neurologists, I jusst don’t expect much from that.

    Also @tardigrades, yes tardrigrades didn’t evolve under earth’s crust, silly me. It shows how little I know, my ignorance. Thank you for the correction.

  95. says

    I would really like one of those Finnish baby boxes, although I wouldn’t need the winter gear. Of course the grand parents-to-be will want to get us things, but I hope to convince them to just put some money into our diaper service fund.

  96. says

    Seriously, if there were air under the crust, every seismological measurement would reveal it!

    Now that’s more comforting. It doesn’t explain everything but it sounds like maybe could be true. Thanks ^.^

  97. broboxley OT says

    sleepingwytch hopefully the doc’s spot something useful. If they don’t, you own your brain, this other entity will have to take a back seat.

  98. rq says

    cicely
    Perhaps before you do anything to the music, you would like to see my contribution and work from there? I have email at taarpinsh at hotmail dot com.

  99. rq says

    Dutchgirl
    I would have loved one, back before Eldest. Too bad I didn’t have the sense to move to Finland.
    I hope you are doing well!

  100. says

    rq:
    I am doing well, although still dealing with stomach pains/upset. More so than the box, I want Finland’s maternity and paternity leave! (But then again, I live in Hawaii and love it here)

  101. says

    sleepingwytch hopefully the doc’s spot something useful. If they don’t, you own your brain, this other entity will have to take a back seat.

    Likewise, I hope they do as well. Maybe some kind of brain tumor that needs be removed, Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, anything to get it to stop. This isn’t peace, love and free energy, this is ridiculously traumatic. I hope they spot something too.

    Also, there are two entities: one is a sort of overruling hive consciousness calling itself Aset/Isis, very much maternal /woman, and the other one, usually the same male drone sometimes an agendered or female one, Isa is what I call him, because none of the drones have any names: only the hive consciousness that overpowers them from time to time (Aset/Isis) has a name, they have none. It’s like some extreme form of communism or something it’s very bizarre. They have a good cop bad cop routine: Aset/Isis gives me intense, ecstatic, blissful experiences that are barely describably, and then Isa comes into my head and harasses me in various ways, very traumatically, for days, sometimes weeks or months on end.

    They’re assholes whatever they are. It would be nice to take some pills and, a few weeks out all of this just clears up. It would be the first time in my life I didn’t have to deal with these entities. I’ve had to deal with them since the day I was born. It’s fucking ridiculous.

  102. rq says

    Dutchgirl
    Lucky you (Hawaii!), no need to worry about winter. Volcanoes, though… ;)
    Glad to hear you’re doing alright, I hope things continue smoothly. How’s parental leave in Hawaii? I admit, I have no idea how things work in other countries, and it’s one thing that seems to work comparatively well here in Latvia.

  103. says

    Ruby:
    I don’t have anything substantial to offer, but if I were a betting man, I’d say PTERYXX and CAINE would likely be able to point you in the right direction.
    Have you tried the Feminist link roundup in the sidebar? Your question is a natural fit.
    Also, there are some folks who don’t venture to the Lounge, but hang out in the Thunderdome. Crossposting may help as well.

  104. rq says

    Tony
    You may certainly email me.

    I’ll be expecting yours, too, cicely.

    +++

    In other news, Husband and I can soon retire rich and filthy… I mean, filthy rich. We just won (the equivalent of) ~$6 in the lottery! Yeeeaaaaah!!!! :D

  105. David Marjanović says

    Tell your senators to support Elizabeth Warren’s Student Support Bill.

    The oldest known tarsier, sister-group to all other tarsiers together: an almost complete, largely articulated skeleton from the beginning of the Eocene of central China. Just came out in Nature, and is the oldest known primate skeleton in general. The paper contains a really large phylogenetic analysis:

    Figure 4: Summary phylogeny of 157 mammals.
    Parsimony analysis is based on a data matrix including 1,186 morphological characters and 658 molecular characters of long and short interspersed nuclear elements scored for 119 fossil and 38 living taxa. Topology of extant treeshrews, flying lemurs and primates based on gene supermatrix is used as backbone constraint (Supplementary Information). Scale bar, 200 characters.”

    That’s how to do it!!!

    The beastie has normal-sized eye sockets, indicating it was diurnal.

    @sleeparalysis, I used to believe that was the case until I looked up sleep paralysis and thought of my own experiences. It’s a waking hallucination sometimes, sleep paralysis can’t do that. It could be delusions and hallucinations but not sleep paralysis alone. Sometimes I see the djinn/drone in my head like it’s on a screen when I am walking to the kitchen or doing stuff at my computer, and it harasses the fuck out of me psychologically, like it’s pushing buttons to cause me instantenous pain. It’s ridiculously traumatic.

    Yup, you need professional help.

    *fluffy hugs*

    I’ve had to deal with them since the day I was born. It’s fucking ridiculous.

    …Well, then it’s probably not a tumor, seeing how you’re still alive and all.

  106. David Marjanović says

    …Whoa. The supplementary information to the Nature paper has 12 MB. o_O It’s common these days that the supp. inf. is the actual paper and the “paper” is just an extended abstract, but… wow!

  107. says

    Oh, lest I forget why I stopped by in the first place

    H U L K
    S M A S H

    those damn bullies and anti-feminists are trying to get Michael Nugent to denounce Ophelia before she goes to Dublin in 3 weeks. Because her use of one slimy commenters real first name totes is the same as outing her at work or posting an address. Never mind that-IIRC-said commenter had already used her own name online.
    And of course none of those concerns bothers me in the slightest when compared to the deluge of harassment she been receiving. I’m not saying Ophelia should reveal addresses or job info and anything of the sort-that would potentially put her family in the crosshairs-but FFS it was her first name. If they are going to use anonymity to harass and bully people there should be proportionate consequences.
    ***more pleasant news:
    Beatriz got her much needed abortion!!!! Yes. And she is in stable condition.
    http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-22763510
    Of course, one sour note to the whole deal:
    ” But the Supreme Court argued that the “the rights of the mother cannot take precedence over those of the unborn child or vice versa, and that there is an absolute bar to authorising an abortion” under the Salvadoran constitution”

    They really do not know what words mean do they? The rights of neither takes precedence over the other, so we will arbitrarily say the fetus’ rights win out ever time.
    I get it though. It’s Religious Logic. Just as Religious Love means killing gay people, so too does Religious Logic not anything like our Earth Logic.

  108. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    Tony,

    Beatriz is alive, and the world has a happy ending. Not so much women in El Salvador who still won’t have access to abortion. But we won’t be reading about that any more. Spoils the happy ending.

    Seriously, I’m happy that a loophole was found so that Beatriz could survive and I wish her the best, but the whole situation is still shit.

  109. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    Didn’t mean to attack you, Tony, sorry for sounding like that. It’s just that it’s not really happy news with one sour note. If anything, it is lots of bad news with a little ray of hope in the form of at least this one woman (eventually!) getting the care she needed.

  110. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    People, 0.5 % of what’s traded in Wall St isn’t just money… it’s a shitload of money!

    Like I said.

  111. says

    Yup, you need professional help.

    *fluffy hugs*

    I sure do, it’s just a question of what kind of professional. I told my psychiatrists about these beings that harassed me in various forms, and they always said it was some kind of delusion, but the medications they gave (they cycled me through many) never helped…

    …Well, then it’s probably not a tumor, seeing how you’re still alive and all.

    And yet again it shows how ignorant I am of these things: as you said it cannot be a tumor. I have had absence seizures since I was 3 or 4 years old, from the earliest times I could remember. Maybe these entities are the result of temporal lobe seizure activity going back into early childhood? That’s the only thing I can think of, because small kids don’t get schizophrenia and these beings have been “attached” to me and harassing me since I was a child.

    Thank you for the hugs. This is so ridiculous, traumatic, and embarassing /cries

  112. says

    Remember when the conservative think tank, Heritage Foundation, hired Jim Demint in January? We all knew that before the DeMint hire, Heritage Foundation had produced some shoddy work. They promoted themselves as scholarly, as wonkish, and as an organization to be trusted when providing “research” findings that conservatives could use to back up their policy decisions.

    The Heritage Foundation embarrassed themselves with the numbers and the analysis they produced to promote austerity. After hiring Jim DeMint the Foundation went downhill even further, abandoning the pretense of rigorous academic study and leaning instead toward DeMint’s “good marketing” approach, which means focusing on “messaging,” or “advertising” as I prefer to call it. Facts be damned.

    So, what has this increasingly faux “think tank” done now? They provided Selim Furth with bogus information, information that Furth blithely repeated in a Senate hearing on economic recovery for the USA.

    Washington Post link.

    … Furth argued that (a) tax increases harm the economy (b) spending cuts help economic growth and (c) permanent spending reform permanently increases growth. So far, so conservative. But the most interesting part of his testimony was Furth’s claim that most of Europe isn’t experiencing austerity at all.

    “Just ten OECD countries have tightened their cyclically adjusted deficits since 2006–2007,” Furth writes. “Despite major crises, even Ireland, Iceland, and Spain have increased their cyclically adjusted deficits.”…

    Uh, that’s just wrong.

    …The numbers Furth is using here have both a numerator and a denominator. The denominator – the countries’ GDP – is biasing results in this case. Ireland is actually a perfect example. According to the OECD, between 2008 and 2012, its budget deficit went from €13.2 billion to €12.2 billion, not adjusting for inflation. Its GDP went from €178.9 billion to €163.6 billion. So its deficit-to-GDP ratio went up slightly, from 7.35 percent to 7.48 percent. But that’s only because the economy shrank massively during that time period. Even though it was experiencing austerity, the numbers Furth is using don’t show that.
    Other numbers do show it….

    The only problem, as Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-R.I.) pointed out, is that, while that chart credits the OECD, that organization’s data says the exact opposite. It finds that not only did 15 European countries adopt austerity plans (not three), but they were overwhelmingly tilted toward expenditure cuts, rather than tax increases.

    Actual charts and financial details are available at the Washington Post link.

    Paul Krugman weighs in.

    OK, this is really shocking: a Heritage Foundation economist has been accused of presenting false, deliberately misleading data and analysis to the Senate Budget Committee.

    This is bad news. The Heritage Foundation has thrown out what little credibility they had, but conservatives still think the Foundation is a hunky-dory, unimpeachable source of data and that the thing to do is to base our economic policies on Heritage Foundation sand.

  113. says

    sleepingwytch hopefully the doc’s spot something useful. If they don’t, you own your brain, this other entity will have to take a back seat.

    Also, they’ve never been able to operate me to my conscious knowledge, just harass and traumatize. They’ve been there since I was born, these drones and their hive consciousness, harassing me in one form or another. As I grew older, the trauma snowballed over each decade of my young life (I am 31 years old), and it grew worse and worse until full on abductions and out of body experiences. It’s ridiculous /cries

  114. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Out adoption is final!

    In court, in the car as we left and at the ice cream party afterward I kept giggling, then crying. Sometimes I did both at once. To say I was a mess would be charitable. I had it together until I hit the door of the courtroom and saw our friends, family, support staff, several teachers and the school nurse. I lost it immediately and did not get it back until we got home. All of the adults cried, but I broke like a cheap toy. Hubby took the kids to the pool. I’m supposed to rest and recover. Hopefully my face will deflate before they get back. I’m so happy, but I look like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Mom.

    Puffy faced hugs all around!

  115. says

    Sleepingwytch
    I can’t shed any more light on the causes of it, but if it helps at all you are far from alone in this type of experience. I haven’t anything similar in my own life, but L has had similar troubles, if less severe, and I have known many others to make similar reports. (Many of them incorporate them into their religious beliefs/practices, although that’s unlikely to be of help to you).

    Tony
    *Shrug* I’m not in urgent danger of eviction or the like, but finances are extremely tight, and we’re trying to get L some meds (he had an appointment at the charity clinic yesterday, and the doctor was actually helpful, and we’re running short on the assorted nonprescription stuff too), and we’re running low on assorted toiletries and expendables as well. A couple people have given us some already, which is helpful, but I’m not in any position to turn down any more help that anyone wants to offer.

    People, 0.5 % of what’s traded in Wall St isn’t just money… it’s a shitload of money!

    Indeed, in 2008 (IIRC), stock trading and the like accounted for above half the economic activity in the U.S. And virtually none of it involved any actual wealth production of any sort whatsoever.

  116. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Sorry for the threadrupt. I posted without reading at all.

    Sleepy Wytch,
    Children do get schizophrenia. It is rare, but it happens. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please accept a hopeful hug from me.

  117. says

    Mormon polygamist news: living in “caves” near Moab, Utah. The “caves” are rather elaborate homes blasted into a sandstone cliff. Lots of photos at the link.

    http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2012/11/polygamists-in-the-rock/100406/

    I know the media focus on Colorado City/Hilldale and on Yearning for Zion makes it seem like there are only two large mormon polygamist colonies in the USA, but there are many in Utah and in neighboring states. Centennial Park for example.

  118. says

    Sleepingwytch
    I can’t shed any more light on the causes of it, but if it helps at all you are far from alone in this type of experience. I haven’t anything similar in my own life, but L has had similar troubles, if less severe, and I have known many others to make similar reports. (Many of them incorporate them into their religious beliefs/practices, although that’s unlikely to be of help to you).

    The severity of it as described here is pretty pervasive and severe: http://pastebin.com/9Gs02VRQ

    You are correct that I am far from alone in this experience as these experiences go. The problem for me is that it’s not typical and too much of it makes sense, regardless of the origin. Nevertheless, many people throughout history have gone through this sort of traumatic thing, history usually called them witches, and they wound up being killed for their experiences, regardless of how they interpreted them, and usually a bunch of innocent people got killed along with them. Thankfully that hasn’t happened to me, but to be honest, I couldn’t suffer if I didn’t exist, most days I wish it had happened to me.

    Sorry for the threadrupt. I posted without reading at all.

    Sleepy Wytch,
    Children do get schizophrenia. It is rare, but it happens. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please accept a hopeful hug from me.

    http://pastebin.com/9Gs02VRQ

    That’s what I went through. You see I am very ignorant of this, that children could have schizophrenia. Maybe I had schizophrenia as a child then, because the experiences in the above pastebin go all the way back to childhood? It’s certainly possible, the problem is I went through 8 or 9 different psychiatrists, over an eight year period, was put on heavy anti-psychotics and anti-depressants (full strength) and these beings and the experiences accompanying them did not cease, nor subside, nor lessen. At this point I am inclined to believe the experiences are merely real and the product therefore of assholes with nothing better to do, or a product of some kind of seizure activity. If it had been schizophrenia, the medications prescribed for exactly that (which diagnosis was later reformed to Complex PTSD and Autism) would have treated these symptoms. Those medications, none of them, were able to do so, nor dampen any of the symptoms.

    Thanks for reminding me that schizophrenia can happen to children though, I’m not very knowledgeable in many areas, and it’s good to be reminded of what I don’t know.

    Thanks for the hugs ((((hugs)))), I’m kind of consumed inside myself atm. Somedays I spend hours staring off into nowhere, other hours dealing with these interior voices inside of me that come from these beings, tormenting me, sometimes searingly painful in their affliction.

  119. morgan says

    Jackie, huge congratulations on finalizing the adoption. And we think puffy marshmallow moms are beautiful, especially when floating in nice warm chocolate. (I have an image of marshmallow mom with big grin soaking in a bathtub full of hot chocolate.)
    Hugs all around.

  120. David Marjanović says

    Beatriz got her much needed abortion!!!! Yes. And she is in stable condition.

    *phew*

    Out adoption is final!

    Yay yay yay!!! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

    Somedays I spend hours staring off into nowhere

    Spend hours staring at this instead. *more hugs* *happiness tea* *cholocate* *sweet chai*

    I hope you find a better psychiatrist. :-|

  121. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Beatriz got her much needed abortion!!!! Yes. And she is in stable condition.

    I saw that the health minister or some such person was going to allow it. Glad she is doing better

    Jackie, congratulations! That is unspeakably wonderful!

    sleepywytch, I really hope that you find something that works to give you relief.

  122. says

    Jackie
    Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

    Sleepingwytch
    *fluffy hugs*

    I sure do, it’s just a question of what kind of professional. I told my psychiatrists about these beings that harassed me in various forms, and they always said it was some kind of delusion, but the medications they gave (they cycled me through many) never helped…

    Sometimes our brains fuck up and we don’t know why and we can’t help. Just last weekend my BIL’s boyfriend (a psychologist) told me a story about a patient who’d suffered from severe depression for years. Nothing helped. Not mild treatment, not severe treatment, no medication, no therapy. And then something “switched” and the patient started to get better.
    Why? Nobody knows.
    And our brains are bastards when they’re not working right. Before they’ll admit that they’re not working properly they make shit up turtles all the way down and you don’t notice. They’re not trustworthy. For example my gran turned me in a single mother who had children out of wedlock. Why? Because she’d forgotten about my partner of almost 14 years, husband and father of my children.
    You’re right to say that this is trivial in comparison to your experiences, but the point is that her brain completely made up an alternate reality instead of admitting that it had forgotten something. It makes up other stuff. It makes up nice stuff like her husband still being alive. It makes up terrible stuff about us abusing her.

  123. says

    Spend hours staring at this instead. *more hugs* *happiness tea* *cholocate* *sweet chai*

    I hope you find a better psychiatrist. :-|

    Thanks David <3 I love cute animal pictures, they always help distract somewhat. Right now I have nurses and a therapist, I'm supposed to be getting a shrink soon and or a neurologist. I haven't seen a shrink apart from my diagnosis being reformed to Complex-PTSD/DESNOS and Autism, for years. I quit taking medications May 3rd 2006, and from 1998 until May 3rd 2006 I had gone through eight or nine shrinks, military included, dosed up with heavy anti-psychotics and heavy anti-depressants, and the symptoms didn't change. Later I found out I had been misdiagnosed and never had schizoprhrenia…the diagnosis was reformed by one psychologist and psychiatrist and the clarification on the reformed diagnosis was done by a consulting clinical psychologist and two social workers. I was told I had Complex-PTSD/DESNOS and Autism, and the psychiatrist looked at me in amazement, as he talked to me from the mental ward he was on duty on, that I had ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia. So at this point, if it's my mind, I really really need to get to see a neurologist and keep seeing them into I get the EEG's done and they can figure out what's going on, because psychiatry is, honestly, the end road for me was a reformed diagnosis of Complex-PTSD/DESNOS and Autism, so if that's true then it's not my mind making this stuff up….if that's not all there is, and my mind is making this stuff up, then I need a neurologist doing tests until they find out what it is.

    Thanks for the cute picture ^.^

    Giliell, professional cynic said

    Sleepingwytch
    *fluffy hugs*

    Thanks for the hugs Giliell (((hugs)). See my reply @David for better clarification.

    thanks again! (hug again) and (soft-hugs) again. <3

  124. says

    @Blacksmith

    Thanks for saying that, I need hope. It’s in short supply.

    ((hugs))

    @Portia

    I do too, the pain is relentless, sometimes it’s from my Complex PTSD/DESNOS and sometimes it’s from whatever these things are in my head. It’s just stupidly traumatic, and the isolation compounds that trauma to a ridiculous degree too. It’s all just, well, bad. I wish I could take something that would calm my entire body and mind down, I hope I can find something. I have hydroxyzine for the 1-2 sometimes 2-3 anxiety attacks I get everyday due to past trauma (not just from the djinn).

    (((hugs)))

    Time to go get my monthly medication at the pharmacy. Hydroxyzine sure does help for the anxiety attacks, I just wish the searing pain in my head would go away, the drones compound that.

  125. says

    Sleepingwytch
    *hugs* hopefully you find something that helps soon. I think Hydroxyzine is what the doc jsut prescribed L, so it’s good to hear reports that it helps.

  126. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Hydroxyzine has an anti-anxiety function? I did not know that (I’ve been taking it since I was 10ish for what might be described as “idiopathic pruritus” but tends to be assumed to be allergies). O.o

  127. says

    Sleepingwytch
    *hugs* hopefully you find something that helps soon. I think Hydroxyzine is what the doc jsut prescribed L, so it’s good to hear reports that it helps.

    It does help somewhat, most for the anxiety attacks. It has a milder effect for the searing pain caused by the drones. ((hugs)) again Thanks Dali!

    “Hydroxyzine has an anti-anxiety function? I did not know that (I’ve been taking it since I was 10ish for what might be described as “idiopathic pruritus” but tends to be assumed to be allergies). O.o

    It can at the right dosage, though you are correct that it’s typically used for other things.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroxyzine

    “Due to its antagonistic effects on several receptor systems in the brain, hydroxyzine has strong anxiolytic and mild antiobsessive as well as antipsychotic properties.[3] Today it is used primarily for the symptomatic relief of anxiety and tension associated with psychoneurosis and as an adjunct in organic disease states in which anxiety is manifested. Because of its antihistamine effects it can also be used for the treatment of severe cases of itching, hyperalgesia and motion sickness-induced nausea”

    What I found helps the most for my daily anxiety attacks, which really suck, most of which are due to the isolation/marginalization, is to take one hydroxyzine every day in the morning, and then pop two of them if I feel the anxiety attack is going from mild to medium to severe to massive. Even then when it goes severe to massive, I usually try to ride it out if I can. Even mild anxiety attacks are massive anxiety by definition, so they all suck. It’s good to have the hydroxyzine handy for that. It is weird that I would be taking a first generation anti-histamine though, when you think of it’s common uses.

    ((hugs)) because ima steal some hugs from u :P

    I just got back from getting my medication for the month, yay.

  128. says

    Sleepingwytch
    *hugs* hopefully you find something that helps soon. I think Hydroxyzine is what the doc jsut prescribed L, so it’s good to hear reports that it helps.

    It does help somewhat, most for the anxiety attacks. It has a milder effect for the searing pain caused by the drones. ((hugs)) again Thanks Dali!

    “Hydroxyzine has an anti-anxiety function? I did not know that (I’ve been taking it since I was 10ish for what might be described as “idiopathic pruritus” but tends to be assumed to be allergies). O.o

    It can at the right dosage, though you are correct that it’s typically used for other things.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroxyzine
    “Due to its antagonistic effects on several receptor systems in the brain, hydroxyzine has strong anxiolytic and mild antiobsessive as well as antipsychotic properties.[3] Today it is used primarily for the symptomatic relief of anxiety and tension associated with psychoneurosis and as an adjunct in organic disease states in which anxiety is manifested. Because of its antihistamine effects it can also be used for the treatment of severe cases of itching, hyperalgesia and motion sickness-induced nausea”

    What I found helps the most for my daily anxiety attacks, which really suck, most of which are due to the isolation/marginalization, is to take one hydroxyzine every day in the morning, and then pop two of them if I feel the anxiety attack is going from mild to medium to severe to massive. Even then when it goes severe to massive, I usually try to ride it out if I can. Even mild anxiety attacks are massive anxiety by definition, so they all suck. It’s good to have the hydroxyzine handy for that. It is weird that I would be taking a first generation anti-histamine though, when you think of it’s common uses.

    ((hugs)) because ima steal some hugs from u :P

    I just got back from getting my medication for the month, yay.

  129. says

    duplicate comments, ugh, stupid browser :|

    Thanks for hugs everyone, time for me to catch up on my correspondence chess games, chess study, maybe some weaving later on. <3

  130. says

    Dalillama:
    You have mail my friend.
    ****

    ::the queer Shoop looks for the microphone. Tap tap tap…I’m sorry to interrupt you all. This won’t take long.

    JACKIE’S ADOPTION HAS BEEN FINALIZED.
    She has a n addition to her family and I suspect someone that might grow up to be a skeptic and/or humanist. Does this make two recent additions to our list of honorary Hordelings (Darkbaby being the other of course)?

    I recommend chocolate or other desserts and alcohol (as desired and consumed responsibly). I also need someone to stay after an assist with cleanup. Those streamers and silly string get everywhere.
    ****
    Jackie:
    You probably couldn’t tell but I am elated for all parties involved.

  131. says

    Pteryxx, thanks for that. I love how people are so generous. It’s interesting that it’s so much easier with a human face – I’ve donated to charity for ages, but the occasional Horde fund, or gift to the harassed adds an extra inner glow. I think this is why Kiva also resonates for me. (Speaking of harassment, Ophelia is having a bad time again, or perhaps I should say still. Time for another donation?)

    SleepingWytch, I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through, it sounds truly terrible.

    Maybe it’s lupus? j/k obvs, it’s never lupus. (Except for when it is. I have one RL friend and one Fito friend with genuine lupus.)

    Morgan, thanks for the offer. Are you by chance on facebook? There’s a group called “skeptical spoonies” which I like for the no-bullshit approach. You do get sooooo much crap advice from random strangers. Luckily I work at a nerdy health place so not too much rubbish comes from co-workers.

  132. cicely says

    rq: email away!
    -

    Out adoption is final!

    Yay!
    *champagne*
    -
    sleepingwytch, your description of your situation reminded me of book I read as a teen—I think it was this one. Are you familiar with it? I don’t remember the details (that was a looooong time ago, and I’ve slept since then), but there was a description of the girl’s relationship with the Falling God, perhaps others as well, that were initially a comfort, but over time became hurtful.
     
    Unfortunately, I don’t remember much more than this. Well, and there was self-harm (cutting).
    Anybody else remember this book?
    -

  133. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Jackie – Congratulations!

    sleepingwytch – *hugs and chocolate*

  134. mildlymagnificent says

    sleepingwytch

    In your shoes, I’d be looking to the neurologist for some specific help. I suspect that the biggest problem in treating your symptoms is the multiple conditions thingie. Because your history suggests that you probably have more than one condition leading to the mix of symptoms you suffer, or, in the best of all possible worlds, there is one underlying brain malfunction that’s driving the whole lot.

    Psychoactive drugs are problematic even when trying to deal with one-specific-thing-only – from being unpredictable all the way through to side effects that are as bad as or worse than the condition being treated. For you (if you have the several simultaneous problems issue), even when someone _eventually_ pins down what’s going on, there will still be the possible problem of using medication for one issue when the most common side effect of that class of drugs is to create or worsen a condition which you already have. The other side of this ugly coin is that once they’re sure they know what they’re dealing with, they might be able to come up with a “least worst” approach that will give you a handful of much more manageable symptoms.

    fingers, thumbs, tentacles all crossed for you

  135. says

    sleepingwytch – *hugs and chocolate*

    Thanks, ((hugs)). I’m sort of here, I popped two hydroxyzine pills earlier due to anxiety. I feel kind of woozy as a result, maybe nap soon. I also had, between now and last time I posted, setup my lap loom with grey string to weave a new pad, then checked my correspondence chess games, cooked some stirfry which I’ve been eating on for awhile now. I’m pretty out of it and sleepy.

    (soft-hugs) again ^.^ I need the hugs.I feel so sleepy, maybe I go lay down for a nap soon. I’m so consumed by my own issues inside. Consumed inside. For some reason when I read over my post earlier: http://pastebin.com/J6X6kCB5
    And I hear this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB1aXXWx7wA
    I’m able to frame the trauma better for some reason. I was listening to a bunch of Enya earlier, but my music is all over the place. That song helped me to frame the trauma better for some reason, I’m not sure why. I use music to deal with trauma… ^.^

    *steals more hugs (hugs)

  136. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    Sorry to intrude, but I have a question. I am considering getting one of these for Wife (she wants it for surfing the web and not much more). Does this look like something I should run from (not a name brand . . .) or worth taking the chance?

  137. MissEla says

    I had 2 bees in my apartment last night: 1 honeybee, 1 bumblebee. The honeybee was *persistent* about checking out my apartment (no, the flowers on that quilt won’t give you pollen!), but I finally shooed it out the door. About 30 minutes later, the bumblebee was buzzing against the screen door, trying to get out (how did you even get *in*?!?!?!). She was very patient, waiting for me to open the door for her, then she politely flew outside. This was a “small” one by B’ham standards–she was only about dime-sized. Our bumblebees are pretty laid-back, too–would that make them Chill Girls? A question for the ages…

  138. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Hmm. Question for the vagina-bearing hordoids:

    My daughter has a history of on-and-off vulvovaginal irritation which seems to be very closely related to swimming pools. We have her take her swimsuit off immediately after getting out, wash it between swims, and have her bathe herself thoroughly, but it’s still a problem. Anyone have any experience like this, and any suggestions?

  139. ednaz says

    From way back in the thread…
    —-

    broboxley OT @ 74
    re: Dewey Decimal System
    Thanks for that! It was bugging me that I couldn’t remember.
    *thumbsup* : )
    —-
    morgan @160

    Jackie, huge congratulations on finalizing the adoption. And we think puffy marshmallow moms are beautiful, especially when floating in nice warm chocolate. (I have an image of marshmallow mom with big grin soaking in a bathtub full of hot chocolate.)

    Morgan, that is a beautiful image. Like a big wraparound of nice.
    : )
    ——
    Congratulations Jackie! and to your whole family. So wonderful you had so many loved ones around you for such an awesome day. ♥
    —-
    rq
    Thanks for the pictures of the sweet bebes. (Squee) Good Luck setting them to flight. : )

  140. ednaz says

    Dalillama
    All I can do is send many many many many *hugs* for you and L and D.
    I hope something good comes your way very soon.

  141. ednaz says

    sleepingwytch

    then I need a neurologist doing tests until they find out what it is.

    I hope this happens for you very soon.

    Sending *hugs* your way.

  142. MissEla says

    Azkyroth–It could be the chemicals (I have issues with bubble bath/bath additives, myself), or it could be the suit itself. Is it too small or large in the crotch, perhaps? Do you use a scented/dyed laundry soap/fabric softener with that suit? If the suit crotch is the wrong size, the elastic could be rubbing uncomfortably and causing the problem. Also, is the elastic exposed on the leg openings, or is it completely covered by the fabric? Raw elastic is harsh on delicate skin areas.

  143. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    rq:

    Re: “filthy rich”: celebratory family mud fight? :D

  144. chigau (aaarrgh) says

    I really hate not having my veryown cumputer-like thingy.
    *hugs* for everyone
    [I'll be back]

  145. rq says

    Azkyroth
    No, celebratory garden weeding session, which amounts to much the same thing!

    Jackie
    Congratulations! and CONGRATULATIONS! and CONGRATULATIONS!
    And good luck.

    re: Beatriz in El Salvador
    What I read about the situation is that she didn’t get an ‘abortion’ but an ‘emergency C-section’ (on B&W). Because she started having something similar to contractions, the supervising doctor insisted that an emergency C-section was necessary in order to save Beatriz’ life, and that all would be done for the fetus (but obviously, gestational age and all…), and that this procedure wouldn’t actually go against the law or the Court’s ruling. So, not much of a silver lining in that story at all precedent-wise, but still excellent news for Beatriz and I hope she recovers well!!

  146. rq says

    ednaz
    They’re in shared custody with the family on whose drive-way they fell, so I’ll be checking in later this morning when we go for our morning walk! I am armed with all kinds of advice now, so I feel secure.
    How are you?

    +++

    What’s a good answer to a parent dying of cancer who keeps insisting that I keep him in his prayers (along with Husband’s dead mother)? I just… Sorry, I don’t pray anymore doesn’t seem like much of a comforting answer right now.

  147. Nick Gotts says

    sleepingwytch,

    This article on experiments in helping people diagnosed with schizophrenia* to control the voices they hear might be of interest.

    rq,
    Sorry to hear about your parent. If you don’t want to lie outright (which I think would in this case be justified), how about something like:

    Whenever I pray, you and (husband’s dead mother) will be included in my prayers.

    *I say “diagnosed with” because I think there is reason to be sceptical of most psychiatric diagnoses.

  148. ednaz says

    rq
    The little chickadees (am I saying the right kind?) have 2 families looking after them? That’s very cool. : )
    -

    One of my neighbors helped a little robin out of a hole he had fallen into. I watched for the next two weeks while the mother fed the robin. (I named him Locksley. :p) He runs more than he flies but he can fly. That was last spring/summer.
    My Husband agrees that it’s Locksley outside our window again this spring/summer. He said to me the other day – ‘That’s Locksley! Look at how he runs!’ It makes me very happy.
    -

    You are very kind to ask. : ) We are squeaking by. (That’s good.)

    And how are you, dear rq?

  149. ednaz says

    Tony
    Prepare for the rhino hug. It’s when you run across the room and barrel into someone (you really like) and then squeeze them. : )

    -
    How do you like that?

  150. ednaz says

    Tony
    Years ago, the Hoodlum and I were browsing in ShopKo. He was right around the corner (the next aisle over). I decided it was time for a rhino hug. I was just getting ready to takeoff when I looked around the corner.
    It wasn’t my Hoodlum!!! It was a man who looked similar to him.
    I almost barrelled into a total stranger. I probably would have been arrested for assault!!

    O.O

    : D

  151. carlie says

    Og – hm, I’m not sure. Is it an amount you could spare if it turns out to be kind of crap? Also might be a bit of a chance, but our Toys R Us carries odd off brands of cheap tablets like that – if you have one nearby, might be worth stopping in to see if they have that tablet to play with it and see what you think.

    Azkyroth – you could try having her swim in shorts (no underpants) to see if the problem is the chlorine or the suit.

  152. says

    Good morning
    Damn I should check my calendar before having “ideas”. Now I need to prepare a lesson from scratch…

    +++
    rq
    I think that sometimes plain old lying is the ethical choice.

    Azkyroth
    Ill-fitting clothes come to mind, chlorine water but also whatever she uses for washing herself. The inner labia are not supposed to be washed with any soap. We also still keep some of the zinc-oxyde diaper cream around for irritations. Especially now that summer has come, because they get sand everywhere.

  153. opposablethumbs says

    I think a glomp is similar to a pounce hug.
    .
    If it proves to be the chlorine – after you do the process of elimination – would it maybe be worth trying a smear of a barrier cream before getting in the pool? (such as the zinc-oxide nappy-rash cream Giliell mentioned, or just something waterproof like, I dunno, vaseline – after checking that does not cause irritation itself, of course).
    .
    threadrupt-ish. Happy happy joy joy for Jackie :-D and assorted hugs for everyone else, especially those in trouble.
    It’s a beautiful sunny day, probably the only good few days we’ll be getting this year, and of course I’m stuck inside for the duration – just grateful (though sulking) that I have some work this week …

  154. rq says

    ednaz
    Doing well, rescheduling my life due to end of maternity leave, so in for a stressful next few months until things adjust (doesn’t help that summer is here which means kindergarten is out and I’ll have the three munchkins at home for two months, in addition to everything else; roundabouts September things should start easing off a bit). Also, it’s summer here, and while I’m not a fan of the heat, there’s something to be said for not freezing my ass off all the time.

    ednaz and others concerned about chickadees
    It appears as if they’re in safe hands. I came with all your advice, including looking up a (hopefully) local ornithologists’ association, but it turns out the mother of the other family has experience in feeding (chicken) chicks with pipettes and everything. Also, the nest appears to be kept outside in a reasonably safe space, but I don’t know if the parents have found their younglings yet or not. Still, they’re about as safe as they can be, off the ground, at any rate!

  155. rq says

    opposablethumbs
    The black iris are teasing. Most of the other colours are out, but it’s still sitting there, wrapped in darkness, glistening in the sun, with a deep royal purple shining through. Suspense!
    Also, I think we have another type of iris with black around the edges. That one’s taking its time, too.

    Azkyroth
    Zinc-oxide is a good solution, actually (both as treatment and as prevention), I’d say better than vaseline, but that’s my opinion only. Sorry I can’t help much with new opinion: it’s either chafing or the chemicals. Good luck!

    Giliell
    I agree, but I’d like a potentially better solution, because I hate lying, and it’s easier over email, but it’ll be tough when he’ll be back here in a couple of weeks. Phrases about thoughts and stuff usually help. But he’s also been getting consistently more and more religious (age, sickness, etc.), so there’s only so much deflecting I can do before the direct guilt-inducing questions come out. :(

  156. ednaz says

    You are a busy person, rq. : )

    Hopefully you will find your groove with a minimum of muss.
    Hopefully also summer won’t find you roasting your *.
    : D
    -

    Thanks for the updates about the chickadees as well.
    Hoping for the best.
    -
    I’ll be turning in before too long.
    Goodnight, rq

  157. rq says

    Giliell
    Wooooow, I have not read that much bile towards a woman for having babies in a long time… Just wow. And Calamity Kate? Really? Really?
    I think she looks happy, and I hope she is happy, and I’m sure she’s doing the best that she can for all her children. And if she wants more babies with different men, that’s her decision to make about her own abilities to balance everything. Bah. The comments totally saved the day, though.

  158. Thumper; Atheist mate says

    People need to see this! This utter genius uses maths and rap to disprove all the usual UK right-Winger talking points, and it’s fan-fucking-tastic!

  159. says

    rq
    My favourite part is when the author asks the rethorical question about how her 12 yo daughter might feel about that. Because everybody knows that the most sensible decisions about your love-life are those you ran by your 12 yo daughter.

    +++
    And apropos of nothing important:
    We created our new RPG characters last night. Now we’re a group revolving around an archeologist noblewoman on her quests. This promises to be fun because the noblewoman, the head of our group is played by somebody who actually sucks at RPGs. We’ll drive her up the wall. And then there’s the mage. I don’t think that player ever played anything but a mage and I don’t think that he would have played anything else no matter what group setting we’d have chosen. My suggestion for a name was Moon-Tche-Keen.
    OK, ok, I shouldn’t be too loud about that, because I’m the kick-ass warrior (cue despair at trying to find a pic. Esher-Girls the whole lot of them)

  160. bluentx says

    Massively/ unforgivably ‘threadrupt!
    -
    Hugs/thumbs-up/ all- that-sappy-stuff to: all my online friends!
    Still here, just keeping a low profile. (?).

    -

  161. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Morning all. Hugs all around, it’s been a busy week for me, no time to respond to what I’d like to.

    It’s raining. Again. Still. Last summer was a really bad drought, so we shouldn’t complain (the flooding in my little corner of the world hasn’t been exactly tragic so far) too much. But…I’d really like it to stop for a bit.

    At any rate, I’m off to start the day. Hope you all have as good a day as possible.

  162. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    As for the Nazi uniform, Campbell said he hoped a court wouldn’t be influenced by his appearance. “If they’re good judges and they’re good people, they’ll look within, not what’s on the outside,” he said.

    Yeah, dude, they did. That’s your problem. This is causing a big stir and I’ve seen people talk about the First Amendment but from the sounds of it he would have lost the kids if he’d named them Joe, Jill, and Sally, and worn a Brooks Brothers suit to court. (I do think this was posted earlier but I didn’t have a moment to comment then, so thanks ^_^)

  163. bluentx says

    It’s raining. Again. Still. Last summer was a really bad drought, so we shouldn’t complain…

    Ditto! Half-dead, drought-stunted trees, but… between the tornado-size winds– we appreciate the showers… like the one I drove home through this a.m.
    Had to pull over because the rain was so intense (and my rear tires so bald [= $ ]) that it took twice as long to get home.

  164. carlie says

    Also, A&D ointment cures pretty much anything irritant-rash-related, but it does have a distinctive smell so is best used at home after the fact rather than before as a preventative.

  165. rq says

    Giliell
    And the author brings it up repeatedly, without even knowing the daughter. I was liiike… so? I guess her other child is a son, so he doesn’t matter. :P

  166. rq says

    bluentx
    Glad you are safe, though!And I hope you’re doing well!

    Portia
    Have a good day at work. And may the sun shine down on you!

  167. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    What a mean article about Kate Winslet. The author is an asshole (better not click on her name and look at her other articles, because… grrrr… they provide much more evidence of her assholery)

  168. rq says

    Beatrice
    Since one of the commenters mentioned her other articles were just as evil, I refrained. *shudder*

  169. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Thanks for all the well wishes.

    We’re still floating around on cloud 9.

  170. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    All: Thanks. Zinc oxide cream came up in a couple of online sources. It’s been consistent for several different swimsuits, so I think it’s more likely to be either too much chlorine or not enough (bacteria) rather than the swimsuit.

  171. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    Carlie:

    That’s kinda the way I was looking at it. Right now, it’s $160.00 off so even if she only gets a year out of it, we’ll still be good. And the warranty looks like it’ll cover defects for long enough for them to show up.

    ==

    hugs, commiserations, congratulations to all and sundry as needed or deserved. Sorry for being so wrappe dup in myself. I sometimes miss stuff.

  172. says

    Chigau said:

    I really hate not having my veryown cumputer-like thingy.
    *hugs* for everyone
    [I'll be back]

    ((hugs)) and thanks for the hugs =~)

    ednaz said:

    Sending *hugs* your way.

    I need lots of hugs, thanks ^.^ (((((((hugs)))))))

    This article on experiments in helping people diagnosed with schizophrenia* to control the voices they hear might be of interest.

    That was an interesting article, thanks :+)

    *I say “diagnosed with” because I think there is reason to be sceptical of most psychiatric diagnoses.

    Yeh…I’m tending to agree with this sentiment: I think if this is produced by my head primarily it’s going to be something that is neurological for a neurologist to deal with, maybe temporal lobe epilepsy that’s been riding on the back of my absence seizures, the absence seizures, of course, being something I’ve had since childhood. I tend to mistrust psychiatry after years of taking full strength anti-psychotics and anti-depressants and telling the various shrinks about these experiences, being largely ignored with them upping the dosage, telling them the medication wasn’t helping, them not listening to that, etc… Honestly, I just can’t say what I think my opinion of most of psychiatry is here, and won’t because it helps a lot of people, but based on my experiences it was pretty negative..So I concur with your assessment. I don’t think these experiences in my head are actually produced by my head even though I will still get my head checked out again (for the billionth time) but if they are produced by my head, it’s going to be a neurological condition at this point, and something for neurology to address, given the life experiences I’ve been through with 8-9 different psychiatrists (not including military shrinks) and taking 8 plus years of anti-psychs and anti-deps that did basically nothing to address these symptoms.

    cicely said:

    *additional hug supply* for sleepingwytch.

    Yay more hugs :~), I need lots of hugs ^.^. (((hugs))) (hug again).

    mildlymagnificent said:

    In your shoes, I’d be looking to the neurologist for some specific help. I suspect that the biggest problem in treating your symptoms is the multiple conditions thingie. Because your history suggests that you probably have more than one condition leading to the mix of symptoms you suffer, or, in the best of all possible worlds, there is one underlying brain malfunction that’s driving the whole lot.

    My history is: epileptic absence seizures from age 3-4 until 5-7, and the absence seizures are a serious problem because they’ve started to act up again and cars will pull up on me and swerve, almost hitting me, because I will “blank out” in the middle of walking across the street sometimes, or walking through a parking lot. Thankfully the drivers in boston are super careful. I cannot now operate machinery knowing these absence seizures are happening. I also have a history of ADHD from early childhood on. A history of “witch” stuff as described in the link I posted from the earliest ages ( http://pastebin.com/J6X6kCB5 or http://pastebin.com/9Gs02VRQ ) so w/e that is, whether a real experience or neurological or some combination. I have a history of Major Depression brought on by the Complex PTSD/DESNOS and Autism. I also have to get checked out for possible Dissociative Disorder Not otherwise Specified at ssome point, as apparently that’s commonly comorbid with C-PTSD; I have variations of my main personality (not multiple personalities, variations of the main one): so Alice yes, but Sarah, Molly, Mary, Lisa, Leah Violette, as well, and they are all variations of Alice. I have a history of Obsessive Compulsive behaviors like ritualistic hand washing, tile counting, avoiding stepping on cracks etc, but nothing that was ever given a diagnosis, just noted by one of my past shrinks. Honestly, I think a lot of this came about due to my dad badly abusing me for being trans from the earliest ages which I’ll try not to get into here but it had to do with me saying I was a girl and didn’t feel safe around boys. Suffice to say it was well more than just getting beat from time to time, way more in fact; ruthless, vicious, and systematic. The joys of early childhood abuse. They’ve left me badly crippled later in life, severely disabled. All because of things like the Feminine Boy Project (TW on that) and it’s numerous domestic effects on transgirls and how we were raised.

    Back to topic, yes, I think I need to get to a neurologist for the absence seizures, because it’s good to not get run over by cars in life, should the other stuff be related to something neurology can help me with in some way, that would be great, but I’m not holding my breath.

    ((hug))

    *fluffy pounce-rhino-anklehugs* for everyone!

    Thanks blacksmith!

    I am currently listening to Cherry Blossom Girl ✿ Air http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGHWGEQ7P8k

    I am currently (while listening to said music) weaving this and wearing my cute new pink ballerina flats: http://imgur.com/a/qJs4d#0

    I am the wicked witch of the east in those flats and stockings! :p

    ((soft-hug))

  173. says

    Sleepingwytch:

    Thanks for sharing those photos. I’ve been looking for some other fun things to do with Daughter this summer and that loom looks like fun. What are your thoughts on the one you have?

    Yw :+) I think the one I have is pretty good, I got it here off of amazon: http://www.amazon.com/toys-games/dp/B00000IV3W

    It’s pretty relaxing stuff I think, enjoyable and rhythmic. I used to weave from like ages 9-13 off and on, and I never really outgrew it ^.^

    I think the one I got would be great for your daughter, and indeed it’s the best one I could find on Amazon that didn’t get like ridiculously expensive. It’s very nice and works well with the various types of yarn I have, including the ones it comes with. C:

  174. says

    Also @blacksmith, I am enjoying looking at the pictures of the sculptures and jewelry you make. It’s very cute and pretty things mhmm ^.^

  175. says

    Other fun things planned for Super Happy Fun Daddy Daughter Summer Time ™:
    Learn to sew on a sewing machine
    Bake some “Cake Boss” type cakes (complete with isomalt and fondant)
    Oil painting on stretched canvas
    Weaving and embroidery
    Build a new terrarium for her pill bug farm
    Build and program some robots ( Lego Mindstorm set)
    Teach her how to fence (have at you!)
    Teach her to cut and weld steel
    Lots of museums

    Whew…that is a lot of stuff now that I look at it. :-)

  176. says

    I’ve got some new jewelry (in silver) that I think the Horde would like, but I haven’t had time to get good pics of them. Hopefully in the coming days, I can get that done.

    Also, still have to get my blacksmith shop set back up (recently moved so everything is still packed away)

    And I just ordered that loom. Thanks!

  177. says

    @blacksmith
    My mother taught me how to sew many times throughout childhood, I loved it ^.^ I did a lot of oil painting too, probably 5 or 6, in all during childhood.

    Everything you are teaching your daughter sounds like a well rounded childhood for her, and lots of fun :+)

    And I just ordered that loom. Thanks!

    You’re quite welcome.

    Also conratulations@Jackie. I’ve been vaguely following other conversations here, very consumed with my own serious issues due to the drones/djinn. It’s difficult to interact with other humans mostly. It’s gotten more and more difficult, not less. Hopefully this changes.

    Does your daughter have a mother? Where did you move to? Is that going well? I hope not to pry too much. Anyway here is more music I am listening to: Bach – Sleepers wake (High Quality) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyWOIKCtjiw

    I got this music from this set: http://www.amazon.com/Bigger-Bach-Set/dp/B00C0QHX02/ref=sr_shvl_album_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370534923&sr=301-1

    It’s very good stuff. Anyway :+) I should take photos of more of my loom creations when I finished. I spilled a drink on the last one =/. I’ll be more careful with this one I think.

  178. broboxley OT says

    sleepingwytch you mentioned trying a lot of drug cocktails prescribed over the years, did anyone try plain old phenobarbital?

  179. cicely says

    Giliell, my group is left debating what we want to play next, and who will GM it.
    Last week, one of our characters mentioned Cthulhu. And now the campaign is over.
    Never say the Name!!!!”
    -
    *pouncehug* for bluentx.
    -

  180. says

    broboxley OT said:

    sleepingwytch you mentioned trying a lot of drug cocktails prescribed over the years, did anyone try plain old phenobarbital?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenobarbital

    “Phenobarbital’s soporific, sedative and hypnotic properties were well known in 1912, but it was not yet known to be an effective anticonvulsant. The young doctor Alfred Hauptmann[7] gave it to his epilepsy patients as a tranquilizer and discovered their seizures were susceptible to the drug. Hauptmann performed a careful study of his patients over an extended period. Most of these patients were using the only effective drug then available, bromide, which had terrible side effects and limited efficacy. On phenobarbital, their epilepsy was much improved: The worst patients suffered fewer and lighter seizures and some patients became seizure-free. In addition, they improved physically and mentally as bromides were removed from their regimen. Patients who had been institutionalised due to the severity of their epilepsy were able to leave and, in some cases, resume employment. Hauptman dismissed concerns that its effectiveness in stalling seizures could lead to patients suffering a build-up that needed to be “discharged”. As he expected, withdrawal of the drug led to an increase in seizure frequency – it was not a cure. The drug was quickly adopted as the first widely effective anticonvulsant, though World War I delayed its introduction in the U.S.[8]”

    That sounds really good actually, I’m going to have to ask my neurologists if they could prescribe me some of that, or maybe assign me to a neurologist that would.

    I had taken full strength abilify and zyprexa for years each, as well as full strength geodone, risperidol, and lesser strengths of all of those, as well as lesser strength seroquel. I took them in conjunction with (usually full strength) celexa or lexxapro. I took those for years and stopped taking all of them in early may 2006 because they didn’t do anything for my possession issues, which lead to me ignoring my psychiatrists and seeing an exorcist.

    Phenobarbital looks like it would help with the absence seizures, and if the drone/djinn are somehow created by my head or perhaps they are exterior but their activity causes seizures that can be treated by medication like phenobarbital, that would be excellent I think.

    I’ll make sure to ask when I go =)

  181. says

    broboxley OT

    6 June 2013 at 12:46 pm (UTC -5)

    sleepingwytch, as long as you are aware that it is addictive

    It’s good you make me aware of it I think, thank you =*) I should seek to ask my neurologists for this now, once I go to see them. I should have the ability to take as prescribed carefully, but it is very good to be aware of this concern, yes. I am currently listening to ATB – Humanity http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGCXZLYL3dA The lyrics are silly but the music is incredible stuff. I am also sipping on my strawberry decaff tea, pictured here: http://imgur.com/a/iBDYz#0 I got three pounds of it on amazon for cheap, and although I mostly just soak it like that for hours and then drink it, I do prepare it more traditionally sometimes, adding sugar, pouring it hot, etc. You can see there my new computer, my ex, she got her step dad to build it and then it was shipped here. It glows purple at night like crazy omg :+) And you can see my plushie headcrab too, from Half Life, I think it’s adorable :P

    Anyway maybe not bore you hehe, but thanks for reminder I should remember these things due to going through AA when I was like 16. I found out I wasn’t an addict/alcoholic but gained tremendous respect for the struggles of those who were. I learned to control my intake with more rational methods over time and found most of AA to be mythological in it’s understanding of addiction. Nevertheless, it is something I need to watch…So thank you for the reminder.

  182. says

    I suck with the cite feature lol, I’m slowly getting better. Anyway I think you see my message there, incorrectly cited. Anyway, thanks. Moar hugs (((hugs))) thanks oxley.

    I am sort of sitting here, sometimes staring off sometimes reading random articles on the internet, I lose track of lots of time throughout my day. I feel under an incredible amount of stress right now, it’s usual, but very painful, I think though I also feel happy when talking to others here. Thanks for the support ^.^

  183. says

    I learned to control my intake with more rational methods over time and found most of AA to be mythological in it’s understanding of addiction.

    And this is why AA is, at best, as effective as no treatments at all (That’s what their own internal records indicate; third party-studies don’t show them in nearly s good a light.).

  184. Pteryxx says

    …holy moley, cicely, that Cracked article is a punch in the gut with the sledgehammer of reality. (Might’ve known it’d be John Cheese.)

    Every single person I can remember on my mom’s side of the family was on welfare in one form or another. All of them. The woman who would be my off-and-on stepmother for most of my childhood came from a family that was the same way. My dad was on welfare, sporadically, through most of my childhood and teenage years. When you grow up in that environment, it becomes the ruler by which you measure everything in life. Middle class people are rich to you — a status that’s virtually unattainable. They got lucky. Probably had everything in life handed to them. Actual rich people are fairy tales, so setting their lifestyle as your goal is beyond laughable. It’s like telling someone your career plan is to win the lottery or to master telepathy. Maybe become a butt-farter. Nope, I’m not stopping that.

    Welfare life is normal because not only did you grow up with it, but every friend and relative did as well. You filled your fridge on the first of the month, when your Link card reset. When they needed to use a phone, the whole neighborhood knew one person who was rich enough to have one, and they all constantly filtered in and out of her house like giant ants. You had cable for a month, and then not again for another five. You borrowed money from relatives on a weekly basis, knowing it was never going to be paid back, the word “borrowed” used only as a polite formality.

    …my jaw’s still on the floor. Nothing I could do as a volunteer could even begin to address this… I can fetch folks groceries or drop them off at the clinic, but how could I get them a car or a phone, or even a bike?

  185. says

    And this is why AA is, at best, as effective as no treatments at all (That’s what their own internal records indicate; third party-studies don’t show them in nearly s good a light.).

    This is why I stopped attending AA. That and my problems weren’t even remotely as bad concerning addiction to alcohol as most anyone else. I just was a very heavy drinker and drank too much and since my parents were social conservatives I wound up having to goto AA. They weren’t ok with the bottle of vodka I had stashed in the garage, they were even less ok with the copies of Cosmo I had under my bed (it took my mom forever to figure out that one). Hey, I liked the articles and the pictures of sexy cisgendered women in lingerie. Some things never change. I rarely drink vodka today, but I do from time to time. I mostly can’t afford it, but, tbh, even if I could, I generally try to stay away from alcohol for the most part. It’s extremely dangerous stuff.

    @Pteryxx
    My mother was on WIC for years when I grew up, and now I’m on foodstamps, SSDI and SSI myself (I got the SSDI for serving in the military). My family is way better off nowadays but I lost them a year and a half ago due to bigotry. It’s too bad they weren’t more enlightened, they could have helped pay for my surgeries and helped make my life not be full of too much poverty. I spent years going in and out of the local pantry. The problem with the pantry food I ate wasn’t how it tasted, it was that it just wasn’t filling; I’d eat all of it and I never felt full no matter how much I ate.

    I am currently listening to ATB – IntenCity – HQ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygfidNt7G_0

  186. says

    Mormon Moment of Madness: this is the text on a “Dating Rules” card that is handed out in Mormon YSA [Young Single Adult] wards.

    DATING RULES

    1. NO dating anyone who is not qualified to attend the temple
    2. NO extended hugging and kissing sessions
    3. No rubbing/massaging anywhere that would be covered by a garment
    4. NO being together after midnight
    5. NEVER, never be alone in a house or apartment
    6. Don’t be seen in night clothing-always be fully dressed
    7. Never ever go into a bedroom together
    8. NO parking
    9. No lying down together to watch T.V. Always sit up.
    10. No lying on top of each other
    11. No R or X rated movies/videos
    12. Long courtship, short engagement
    13. Never do anything that would make your mother feel bad if she were watching you
    14. Discuss these rules with your partner

    Source: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,915766

  187. Pteryxx says

    @sleepingwytch, I don’t have jack to say that’s useful right now but I’m listening, for what it’s worth. I’m hoping to work my way up to volunteering at the big food pantry here, which has a store and also serves hot meals. One thing they mentioned in volunteer orientation was to remember that us volunteers are temporary; we come and go, but the food bank’s been serving the same *clients* for many years.

  188. says

    Never do anything that would make your mother feel bad if she were watching you

    Hehehe. I’m a transsexual woman, thankfully I never got “caught” doing bad things with the cosmo magazine. She did come in on me reading the articles though. I loved the articles :D

    The rest of that list is hilariously awful, sounds like a looser version of what we were taught in TFP.

  189. says

    Pteryxx

    @sleepingwytch, I don’t have jack to say that’s useful right now but I’m listening, for what it’s worth. I’m hoping to work my way up to volunteering at the big food pantry here, which has a store and also serves hot meals. One thing they mentioned in volunteer orientation was to remember that us volunteers are temporary; we come and go, but the food bank’s been serving the same *clients* for many years.

    Thanks for doing that for people like me, and thank you for listening here. Thankyou.

    (((soft-hugs)))

  190. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Yuck to the Mormon dating advice.

    Blacksmith,
    That all sounds awesome. I just let my kids pelt me with water balloons. I don’t know how enriching it was for them to chase me around the yard while I screamed, “Not in the face!”, but they seemed to enjoy it.

  191. says

    The whole “teach her how to weld and cut steel and how to fence” is super badass and definitely a huge plus to make your education of her through recreational activities, very well rounded. Now if she ever dates an asshole who tells her to get in the kitchen she can pickup the broom and knock him around a bit quite handily due to the fencing techniques. That’s a good skill to have =~)

    You’re a good father Blacksmith, you should be proud, I concur with Jackie.

    I am currently listening to Elder Scrolls Music – Relaxing Compilation Vol. 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rfw8ydDWJA

    ^.^ I am about to check up on my correspondence chess games after reading some more political articles and staring off into nowhere some more. I was weaving earlier, I’ll weave more soon.

  192. rq says

    Jackie
    I’m pretty sure it was enriching: they learned to gauge how fast you run, and to perfect their aim in order to be able to hit you! It’s practical physics at work. Plus, you got some exercise out of it, so everyone’s a winner! :) I’m so glad for you, glad that you’re having fun, glad it all worked out. :) Your success made me smile a lot today, and I don’t even know you.
    This is why the Lounge is awesome.

    +++

    Parents. Gah. Just… Gah.
    That is all.

  193. rq says

    Ye Olde Blacksmith
    Terrarium for pill bugs. Instructions, please? :) This sounds like something fun to try for the summer!
    Also, your list looks pretty full. I wish I had the time to do all of that with mine, and I look at that list, and I despair. Good luck to you, though, no one’s going to be bored in your household! :D (Can we come over?)
    Also, just a tip with the oil painting: considering oil paint’s lack of rapid drying ability and propensity to smear, you might want to start off with acrylic paints. They also wash off and out far more easily, and might be a slightly better starter material. I do believe they are cheaper as well, student-grade (from what I remember), but the colours are still bright and fun and mix well. (Watercolours are also good, but they take a bit more practice/co-ordination to control, but for ease-of-washing, definitely the best.) *** I have no idea how much experience you may have with oil paints / other art supplies, so feel free to ignore my advice!

  194. says

    Will probably look at him in total confusion.

    The fencing skills might come in handy though, which is really good of you to teach her. There are lots of uses for them, and they are probably very empowering I imagine. =)

  195. David Marjanović says

    *restocks Portia’s hug truck*

    2. NO extended hugging and kissing sessions

    How sickening to conflate hugging and kissing.

    3. No rubbing/massaging anywhere that would be covered by a garment

    Heh. That makes hugging a bit difficult. :-D

    Anyway:

    The lithium-sulfur battery. Four times the energy density of a lithium-oxygen (“lithium ion”) battery.

    Interview in German with a Turkish protester who says he’s a young web designer from Ankara. Says in the Arab Spring people were/are trying to get basic liberties, while the Turks have them and are now afraid to lose them. Says that Fazıl Say, a piano player, composer, civil-rights activist and open atheist, was punished for retweeting criticism of religion. Says most of the countrywide media belong to religious groups, explaining why they don’t say a word about the protests. Says that, yes, there are a few protesters who deliberately provoke the police, but that’s a fringe. Emphasizes that the soccer fans, who used to threaten each other with knives, have joined the protests together.

    Interview in German with the “Islam scientist” Udo Steinbach, who says Erdoğan has become more and more autocratic and has no clue about the gravity of the situation, and that the protests involve especially the young people – to the extent that none of the opposition parties is behind them; the young people built that on their own.

    This lack of a liberal tradition in Turkey (Kemalism is pro-Western, but authoritarian and nationalistic) is why Erdoğan’s party got almost 50 % of the vote in 2011: many people but their hopes in Erdoğan, and rightly so in the first years of his rule, says Steinbach.

    Promising treatment for multiple sclerosis: overwhelm the immune system with myelin peptide antigens – they’re put inside immune-system cells which are sooner or later taken apart in the spleen, which is also where new immune-system cells are confronted with antigens; antigens that are too common lead to suppression of cells that react to them (in other words, they’re – finally – recognized as not foreign). Paper, German news feature.

  196. David Marjanović says

    Petition: I agree with Elizabeth Warren. President Obama and Congress should pass the bipartisan Brown-Vitter bill to break up the big banks, end “too big to fail”, and prevent future Wall Street bailouts.”

    “Evandra Thompson is running in Virginia’s 63th state House District against Rosalyn Dance, a wayward Democrat who often sides with the Republicans. Thompson gives us the chance to replace Dance with a much better Democrat and to strengthen our bench in Virginia.

    Given the small scale of this race, every dollar really will have an impact and ensure our candidate emerges victorious. Contribute now to Evandra Thompson and Daily Kos so we can help elect a better Democrat.”

    Petition: “Offer rape victims in Papua New Guinea compensation and counselling without conditions. Victims have a right to sue Barrick for the abuses they suffered through the company’s security personnel.” Barrick Gold is the company that employs the rapists and the victims. Trigger warnings for violent rape and its downplaying described in the text on the left.

  197. David Marjanović says

    Oh, I forgot this “emergency petition”: BREAKING: The Guardian‘s Glenn Greenwald reports that the government is monitoring millions of Americans’ phone calls ‘indiscriminately and in bulk – regardless of whether they are suspected of any wrongdoing.’

    Demand Congress investigate this unacceptable government spying on Americans. Sign the petition:

    It’s outrageous that the government conspired with Verizon to monitor millions of American phone calls. Congress must investigate immediately and disclose its findings to the public.

    Sign on the right. We’ll deliver you signature to Congress and inform the media of this public outrage.”

    Unfortunately there’s no link to the Garundia article.

  198. David Marjanović says

    …forgot the opening quotation mark before “BREAKING“. *sigh*

  199. says

    Trigger warnings for

    Thanks for the TW’s, now I know definitely not to click on those links. I wish I were as astute as you regarding this, I am usually too consumed in my own problems to be so but I do try to be so as I can manage.

    Oh, I forgot this “emergency petition”: BREAKING: The Guardian‘s Glenn Greenwald reports that the government is monitoring millions of Americans’ phone calls ‘indiscriminately and in bulk – regardless of whether they are suspected of any wrongdoing.’

    It’s really disturbing, this =(

    I’m almost done with my correspondence chess games, 15 more games to go through (I’m playing 35 games atm simultaneously). I’m making moves in them and chatting here while burning incense, listening to music and will weave some more or lay down to nap soon as the stress is wearing down on me.

  200. says

    Crappy laws and crappy attitudes toward women converge to create a tragedy in Texas:

    San Antonio News link.

    …During closing arguments Tuesday, Gilbert’s defense team conceded the shooting did occur but said the intent wasn’t to kill. Gilbert’s actions were justified, they argued, because he was trying to retrieve stolen property: the $150 he paid Frago. It became theft when she refused to have sex with him or give the money back, they said.

    Gilbert testified earlier Tuesday that he had found Frago’s escort ad on Craigslist and believed sex was included in her $150 fee. But instead, Frago walked around his apartment and after about 20 minutes left, saying she had to give the money to her driver, he said. …

    The Texas law that allows people to use deadly force to recover property during a nighttime theft was put in place for “law-abiding” citizens, prosecutors Matt Lovell and Jessica Schulze countered. It’s not intended for someone trying to force another person into an illegal act such as prostitution ….

  201. says

    Thoughts on two of the Mormon Dating Rules

    10. No lying on top of each other
    12. Long courtship, short engagement

    Regarding number 12, several ex-mormons noted that church leaders really push a “short courtship” and “short engagement.” That’s how we get a 22 year old RM (Returned Missionary) marrying a 20 year old woman six months after he has finished his mission. The problem here is that mormon time is different from normal time. Mormons think that a six-month courtship is long, long, too long.

    Regarding number 10, I think it it perfectly okay to position one’s dating partner either under or on top of one if, and only if, one is constantly telling the truth. No lying allowed.

  202. Pteryxx says

    random via Shakesville: OH FFS

    “They don’t believe anything. I can’t imagine an atheist accompanying a notification team as they go into some family’s home to let them have the worst news of their life and this guy says, ‘You know, that’s it—your son’s just worms, I mean, worm food.’”

    —Texas Representative Mike Conaway (R-Idiculous), during a House Armed Services Committee debate over an amendment to the 2014 National Defense Authorization Act proposed by New Jersey Democratic Representative Rob Andrews “that would allow humanists or members of ethical culture groups to join the chaplain corps. Andrews’ idea was to help members of the military who don’t believe in god, but want someone to talk to about problems without having to seek a medical professional.”

    like maybe decent ethical people who don’t come with a Christianity-Approved smiley-face where their morals should be?!

    …where’s that table-throwing ascii OH THE HECK WITH IT (gif of Princess Bubblegum throwing a table over)

  203. Pteryxx says

    best comment on that Shakes post so far:

    More seriously though, to the best of my observational powers even Christians are capable of feeling sadness when a person dies, in spite of a belief in Heaven. It’s almost like grief counciling involves more than shouting “heaven!” before running out the door, mission accomplished, or something.

  204. says

    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    6 June 2013 at 5:09 pm (UTC -5)

    Pile of *hugs* for those who need ‘em.

    Also, in good news, the Hula Painted Frog is NOT extinct, as it had been believed to be for the past 60 years.

    Yesh, I’ll take more hugs, thanks =*) I got up from my nap recently. I went in and out of dissociation and anxiety attacks, but eventually had a pretty good abandonment of consciousness dissociation finally and then rested a little bit. It was pretty difficult. I get bed ridden with anxiety attacks all the time, what a wonderful life. ((hugs))

    More seriously though, to the best of my observational powers even Christians are capable of feeling sadness when a person dies, in spite of a belief in Heaven. It’s almost like grief counciling involves more than shouting “heaven!” before running out the door, mission accomplished, or something.

    The whole worm food thing, ugh :|(

  205. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    *hops in her now-full hug truck, speeds away*

  206. yazikus says

    “They don’t believe anything. I can’t imagine an atheist accompanying a notification team as they go into some family’s home to let them have the worst news of their life and this guy says, ‘You know, that’s it—your son’s just worms, I mean, worm food.’”

    I’m going to jump in without having read all today’s comments. I’m dealing with some heavy shit today, and that comment makes me so so angry. I can’t be too specific, but today is the one year anniversary of a terrible life shattering loss for me. At the time I was part of a church. Today, someone close to me is in almost an identical situation as I was in, except it is going to have the positive outcome that I did not have. Everyone is ‘praying’ for this person. And I want to say, “Well, I hope your prayers work better than they did the last time someone was in this situation, cuz they didn’t do shit”. And I won’t say that, but I am so pissed off at religion, for people saying things are part of a plan.

  207. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    *speeds back in hug truck with urgent delivery for yazikus*

    So sorry : (

  208. yazikus says

    Thanks Portia, I’m just frustrated with that mentality. And dealing with wanting to be happy for my friend. And angry about my outcome. If anyone tells me that her positive outcome is a miracle, I’m going to say, yeah, if miracle means good timing and modern medicine.

  209. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    What an awful place to have to be in emotionally. *hugs*

  210. says

    More anxiety attacks, bbl I have to dissociate again in order to avoid the worst of it. Sometimes staring past the monitor works while listening to music, sometimes I have to lay down because they just get worse if I don’t. Such is life, it never changes all of these years, this cycle, this pattern. crippled. Bbl /waves.

  211. yazikus says

    Thanks Hekuni (I do love chocolate)
    Thanks Dalillama (I know you are going through some super heavy stuff too!- heavier than mine!)
    Hugs appreciated.
    The last year has done alot for me (I’m here- ain’t I?), in shattering my world view. I’ve grown as a person, questioned things I never had before. I would like to think I’m growing as a human. It’s been super hard, but we have this one life to live, and I want to live it well.
    I’ve found my best thinking and healing has come from the questions of my sprog (sprog just turned four). He is so honest, so guileless, so freethinking. And when he asks me questions I have to think before I answer. And that has helped me so much.

  212. says

    I am back, sort of here. ((hugs)) yazikus

    I thought relaxing music for you if you like ^.^
    Vas- In the Garden of Souls
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fxrLIZpuvo

    I was in bed for two hours going in and out of anxiety attacks and dissociation, and it was quite trying I think, but so mundane to me, so very normal and common. I should think my life as a cripple as searingly painful and traumatic.

    Where was I? It is heartening to hear of your dedication to life then yazikus, I have recently vowed to draw much more identity from how long I’m able to stay alive, and I think maybe reading what you wrote inspired me to do so. Thank you.

    The last year has done alot for me (I’m here- ain’t I?), in shattering my world view. I’ve grown as a person, questioned things I never had before. I would like to think I’m growing as a human. It’s been super hard, but we have this one life to live, and I want to live it well.

    Life is on nightmare difficulty for me and there’s no cheat codes, so if I manage to stay alive until 35 I can be impressed at this accomplishment and growth of sorts.

    I have given the four walls around me special attachment I think, it feels like they are always there for me. I will go back to eating my cucumber, tomato, balsamic vinegarette topped with a hard but soft cheese made from central american place or thereabouts.

    I am not really here I’m very spaced out.

  213. ednaz says

    Pteryxx @ 276
    “worm food” Yes. That’s exactly what a humanist chaplain would say to someone in mourning. J.F.C.

    I was talking with a woman who, when someone tells her they’re atheist, she “decides” they’re REALLY agnostic. ‘Cause you know – boogety boogety – can’t risk pissing off the big guy in the sky.
    (Barf.)
    She said, ‘These people say they’re atheists, but they still go to funerals.’ Rolling her eyes and laughing snidely.

    What. The. Fuck??

    I told her ‘Whether people believe in God or not, they are still heartbroken over the loss of a loved one. They still want to pay their respects. They still need to say goodbye.’
    She said ‘Yeah.’ Whether it sunk in or she just wanted me to quit talking, I don’t know. But I’m glad I spoke up. Really. How heartless can a person be? Mocking someone who’s grieving just because they don’t believe in their imaginary friend. That takes a true christian.

  214. rq says

    yazikus
    *hugses* for you, many many many of them!
    And that is why my dad’s requests to ‘pray for him’ just… piss me off. He’s a scientist, for fuck’s sake, and he goes around like prayer actually works n shit, and I know it won’t, and as for the soul of my Husband’s mother? Well. [insert impolite comment about worm food here] She’s way beyond help. No amount of praying or modern medicine helped her (although doctor incompetence seems to be a factor).
    Anyway sorry for turning it into about me. Any suggestions on coping with the pray-for-[person/person's soul] when it’s all around you? I’m expecting a barrage eventually.

    (By the way, I went with the ‘in our thoughts’ option yesterday.)

  215. ednaz says

    yazikus
    Many many *hugs* for you. What an infuriating position to be in. Hopefully talking to us helps. We’re here if you want to talk more. ♥

    -
    Many *hugs* for Dalillama.

    -
    More *hugs* for sleepingwytch.

  216. says

    @ sleepingwytch

    I was just thinking about your problem while listening to music and it hit me. I think I know what you may have, because it’s a pretty rare neurological condition and my ex-fiancée has it, so I know the symptoms…

    Have you ever considered you might have narcolepsy? Because my ex was, like yourself, completely sane and rational, and yet she had symptoms where she would see ghosts and other supernatural type entities. Because she was/is a Wiccan, she interpreted all of that in the sense that they were real, and I, being the skeptical minded sort, always sort of kept my own opinion as to whether they were real or just in her head.

    In the end, I never saw any actual proof that they were anything other than her imagination, sadly. Most recently, I read a recent Oliver Sacks book, Hallucinations, which has chapters on different types of conditions (Parkinson’s, drug trips, types of epilepsy, etc.) and the sorts of hallucinations that they give people, and in the chapter on narcolepsy, indeed, having paranormal type experiences is a common symptom of narcolepsy.

    Oh, BTW, it took quite some time for her to be diagnosed correctly with narcolepsy (had to do one of those tests where you sleep in the lab with electrodes hooked up and they check your sleep patterns), because, being a woman, they kept thinking that it was PMS, or her imagination, or drugs, or her boyfriend at the time must’ve been giving her drugs, etc.

    Anyway, best of luck getting whatever it is that makes you feel better. I just recently started taking Paxil after my serotonin levels dropped way down to the point where I was avoiding people and could no longer feel any pleasure over anything or any activity. It’s a little harsh, but it’s a bit like taking a low sustained dose of MDMA without as many side effects and now I’m enjoying life again, yay. :)

    In my situation, I tend to think of modern psychiatrists (the good ones anyway, and I’ve had fairly good luck with my ADHD regimen) as 50% psychologist / therapist, and 50% “expert system for prescribing meds.” A good book along those lines is the autobiography, Weekends At Bellevue by Julie Holland.

  217. ednaz says

    Yay for Ye Olde Blacksmith! Love the summer fun list. Lucky Daughter! : )

    -
    Yay for Fun Moms Jackie and rq!

    I’m pretty sure it was enriching: they learned to gauge how fast you run, and to perfect their aim in order to be able to hit you! It’s practical physics at work.

    : D And this is why the Lounge is so awesome.

  218. says

    @Ogvorbis

    I would advise against getting that tablet due to the extremely low screen resolution (800 x 480) which is considered only mid-range for a 4″ phone these days, much less a 9″ tablet. Also, as an off-brand, you never know whether it will get updated. Android 4.0 “Ice Cream Sandwich” is two versions old already, and you want at least Jelly Bean (4.1 or 4.2).

    It’s a little more money, but I’d personally recommend either a Nexus 7, or similar, or perhaps a Kindle Fire. The Nexus 7 has a nice, grippy back, 1280 x 800 resolution (enough to play 720p video), quad-core processor, and the latest version of the OS. Sorry if I sound like a bit of a shill, but I do work on the Android team so I know a thing or two on the subject.

    I just can’t tell you about the products that don’t officially exist yet. :)

  219. says

    Did I really, REALLY just read a comment comparing gay rights activism to the types of bullies that have sustained a 2+ year campaign of harassment?
    (In the anonymity thread)

    I’m not opening a can of rhetorical whup ass.
    I’m about to swing open the delivery truck…

  220. says

    Wikipedia on narcolepsy:

    The classic symptoms of the disorder, often referred to as the “tetrad of narcolepsy,” are cataplexy, sleep paralysis, hypnagogic hallucinations, and excessive daytime sleepiness. Other symptoms include automatic behaviors. These symptoms may not occur in all patients.
    Cataplexy is an episodic condition featuring loss of muscle function, ranging from slight weakness (such as limpness at the neck or knees, sagging facial muscles, or inability to speak clearly) to complete body collapse. Episodes may be triggered by sudden emotional reactions such as laughter, anger, surprise, or fear, and may last from a few seconds to several minutes. The person remains conscious throughout the episode. In some cases, cataplexy may resemble epileptic seizures.
    Sleep paralysis is the temporary inability to talk or move when waking (or less often, when falling asleep). It may last a few seconds to minutes. This is often frightening but is not dangerous. Hypnagogic hallucinations are vivid, often frightening, dreamlike experiences that occur while dozing, falling asleep. Hypnopompic hallucinations refer to the same sensations while awakening from sleep.

  221. says

    In unrelated news, I’m in the midst of writing up for work my reviews of two different brands of cell phone call boxes we’re deciding between purchasing. I’m fascinated by this sort of test equipment because these boxes cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and they must sell only 1000′s or 10000′s of them total so their sales people are extremely interested to know what I think about their products.

    Anyway, the basic idea is you plug a phone into the box and then you can simulate a cell tower with any of the major radio technologies and then run tests to make sure the phone does the right sort of phone things. Both boxes include a built-in Windows PC to run the system, with all sorts of custom RF stuff connected up inside.

    The cool thing about working in Android is that all of the code I write is going to be open-sourced. But it’s not as if your average hobbyist is going to be able to afford one of these boxes. If you’re an eccentric millionaire and you really want to do Android ROM hacking, though, maybe call them up and see what kind of price you can get.

    Anritsu MD8475A
    Rohde & Schwarz CMW500

  222. says

    Jake Hamby said:
    Oh, BTW, it took quite some time for her to be diagnosed correctly with narcolepsy (had to do one of those tests where you sleep in the lab with electrodes hooked up and they check your sleep patterns), because, being a woman, they kept thinking that it was PMS, or her imagination, or drugs, or her boyfriend at the time must’ve been giving her drugs, etc.

    Well in my case every psychiatrist I saw knew I was trans, so, because I was convinced I was a woman, and told this to them due to Autism, they said that that in conjunction with the possession experiences was prime manifestation of schizophrenia…IOW I was delusional in their minds for being a transsexual woman, and this rode along with their diagnosis of schizophrenia and in fact reenforced it in their minds, along with the possession symptoms which they never payed enough attention to to talk about, but just enough to keep upping the dosage on medications that never helped…It turned out years later the diagnosis of schizophrenia was overturned by a psychiatrist, two clinical psychologists, and two social workers combined over a period of 6 months and two separate batteries of tests. Since I’m not cisgendered that didn’t amount to it being thought I had PMS or other nonsensical things ciswomen have had to deal with. Instead I got misdiagnosed with a false diagnosis for almost 10 years, drugged up on medications that were entirely inappropriate for what I later found out was actually Complex-PTSD/DESNOS plus Autism after the misdiagnosis was corrected. I was gaslighted too by the psychiatrists, both civilian and military about being delusional for merely being trans, told it was part of a bogus schizophrenia I never had…That’s pretty traumatic stuff, and pretty run of the mill for transwomen in this culture. I was also subjected to the Feminine Boy Project so I was suffering from C-PTSD/DESNOS by the time I was like five years old. Being diagnosed with schizophrenia when you’re really trans is pathetically common in this society. It’s like reparative therapy on steroids.

    Anyway I have to sleep now, thanks for the thoughts.

  223. ednaz says

    rq – per your dad’s requests

    That is really hard. Was your Dad content with the ‘in our thoughts’ option?

    I wish I knew what to say. I struggle when my folks start talking religion. My Dad’s alive today because of science, but I guess that doesn’t count.

    I’m not much help. Just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking of you and your Dad and you have my sympathies when you get surrounded. Just pull out your screen when nobody’s looking. ♥

    (If it gets too bad, send the signal and I’ll judo chop anyone you want. : p )

  224. rq says

    ednaz
    He hasn’t replied yet, this is via email exchange, but even if he doesn’t like it, he won’t come out and say it. He’s into subtext and implied meanings, so that later he can honestly say that he never, ever said that, and it’s my fault for thinking it. (Parents.) He arrives in about 2 weeks, but it shouldn’t be too bad (little opportunity to discuss religion and our non-church-going ways, I hope!).
    Thanks for reminding me of the screen. Judo chops so far unnecessary, but I’ll keep them in mind! :) *hugs*

  225. opposablethumbs says

    Hugs to yazikus. That’s a lot of pressure to have to deal with. Hope telling us here affords at least a shred of relief.
    It’s a difficult situation rq. Fwiw I tend to go with “thinking of you” / “in my thoughts” and that kind of thing.
    People who talk about atheists being callous (“worm food”) or hypocritical because they go to funerals? What a stunning combination of willful ignorance and ill-feeling. Do they really believe that bullshit out of ignorance and lack of imagination, or just tell themselves they believe it (until they effectively do) so as to make themselves feel superior? So as to bolster up their defences against their own hidden fears?
    I love the sound of how your daughter is going to spend her summer, Blacksmith!

    Anonymity thread …? Argh. Not sure if I dare go and look right now.

  226. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    *waves* Hello all!

    Gililel, we got your package today! Little One was all “Is dinner done yet? Is dinner done yet? Is dinner done yet?” so we went to check the mail during the last few minutes of waiting. She completely forgot all about food, which is really saying something, and was all “OMG OMG OMG OMG”.

    One question though, there was the red note from you that talked about keeping the stuff to send the letters back, but that was the only letter in there. I’m just checking because the package was LEFT COMPLETELY OPEN. I know they have to check at customs and all, but couldn’t they slap some fucking tape on it? I literally pulled the package out of the mailbox and almost dropped everything on the ground. I’ve double checked everywhere but I wanted to check to make sure we aren’t missing something.

    She loves her watch and spent the night working on figuring out how to tell time. It’s been so long I couldn’t remember how to set the watch but Little One figured it out at least. She also spent sometime uniting all her ponies, unicorns and Pegasuses in a wonderful play. She made the plush fluffy unicorn a Cloud Unicorn, because it looks like a cloud. =)

  227. says

    And now some idiot in the ‘hacker’ thread feels the need to talk about starting fires in response to the Steubenville hacker facing more jail time than the rapists.

    Oh where is Chris with some cute bunnies?

  228. rq says

    Horde Help needed!
    Because I’m currently suffering the mobile version of Pharyngula, which limits my options to search within.
    I know PZ (or Chris?) did a post a while ago on EM emissions and how they do (not) influence humans, etc., and I’m wondering – did he mention Ulrich Warnke? If not, how can I find more information on him in English? Most of it’s in German… I was sent this pamphlet on how EM is destroying birds and bees and humans, and the only partial refutation I could find was this article’s last paragraphs, and some things that I knew myself (for example, that lactose intolerance is a genetic condition present with or without EM, sort of a throwback to our pre-dairy days – I know that’s not entirely accurate, I’m summarizing here!).
    However, if I could read PZ/Chris’ post, or if anyone has any other information on this topic available (mostly the EM sensitivity stuff), I’d be awesomely grateful and would send you a huge bouquet of fresh irises from the garden (via USB, of course!).

  229. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Good morning lounge.

    My grandma, aunt, and cousin and cousin’s husband are staying with me this weekend. (These of the Missouri “women are fragile” contingent). I’ve never had anybody stay at my house that wasn’t nieces, immediate family, or S. I’m kind of nervous and trying to make my house presentable. I mean they’re not super fastidious people, and they’re not overcritical or anything, I just feel really self-conscious about it. Eep.

  230. opposablethumbs says

    Not black, maybe, but certainly gorgeous! (I really love the ultra-dark red ones in the other picture too. You obviously have green fingers, rq!)

  231. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    OTG That’s what I wanted to say! rq your flowers are gorgeous! I’m definitely going to plant some irises this fall. Thanks for sharing the loveliness.

  232. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Oh, loud neighbor update:

    Last night, I baked cookies and went down and introduced myself. Then, I Used My Words™. I explained I had family visiting this weekend and could they do me a big favor and keep the noise down. They were very nice and the woman clearly knew I didn’t want my grandma to hear her moaning and she was very cool about it. I was so stressed out about doing that because of the Awkwwwwwwwward. But I was a grown up and I was direct (without being too specific) and it all worked out. Well, so far, I guess the weekend hasn’t happened yet.

  233. birgerjohansson says

    Astronomy-related stuff:

    New observations of a ‘dust trap’ around a young star solve long-standing planet formation mystery http://phys.org/news/2013-06-young-star-long-standing-planet-formation.html

    Stars don’t obliterate their planets (very often) http://phys.org/news/2013-06-stars-dont-obliterate-planets.html

    Astronomers gear up to discover Earth-like planets http://phys.org/news/2013-06-astronomers-gear-earth-like-planets.html

    Borneo stalagmites provide new view of abrupt climate events over 100,000 years http://phys.org/news/2013-06-borneo-stalagmites-view-abrupt-climate.html

    Pollution in Northern Hemisphere helped cause 1980s African drought http://phys.org/news/2013-06-pollution-northern-hemisphere-1980s-african.html

  234. birgerjohansson says

    Irish chronicles reveal links between cold weather and volcanic eruptions http://phys.org/news/2013-06-irish-chronicles-reveal-links-cold.html

    NASA spacecraft sees tornado’s destructive swath http://phys.org/news/2013-06-nasa-spacecraft-tornado-destructive-swath.html

    New reports allege vast US Internet spying sweep http://phys.org/news/2013-06-allege-vast-internet-spying.html

    Twin research comes of age http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-06-twin-age.html

    Study shows current laws don’t prevent Sub-Saharan ‘land grabbing’ http://phys.org/news/2013-06-current-laws-dont-sub-saharan.html

  235. rq says

    Portia
    Good for you, for speaking to the neighbours! I hope they actually abide by your ‘agreement’, and I hope it’s a great visit with the Wilting Violets! My rule of thumb is to clean especially well the first time someone comes to stay/visit, and gauge their reaction/own tidyness skills for the next time. ;)

    opposablethumbs
    I have to defer all credit for the irises to the previous owners. I have weeded the iris lot once, and I have not touched them since (low-maintenance = excellent!). They are, apparently, in a prime iris spot in the yard, considering they overwintered in that location, too. But they are lovely. Such style, grace, and panache! I wish my thumbs were that green – second time Fail with the basil this year (bad seeds, I think *cough cough*).

  236. rq says

    Oh, and I can’t figure out whether I good-like or bad-like that image (as in – can I use it to refer to myself or to laugh at others?). Because it’s good not to give a shit, right, and to do things for yourself not the crowd, but on the other hand, trolls make a fine effort at being unlikeable, and they don’t give a (anonymous, online) shit…

  237. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    Oh, and I can’t figure out whether I good-like or bad-like that image

    I’m upset that Tim stole 13 of Nena’s balloons. 86 Luftballons doesn’t trip off the tongue as nicely.

  238. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Portia

    You’re a better person than me. I would have secretly taken great joy in any discomfort of such relatives felt over hearing neighbouring sexytimes.

    And speaking of being a better person. Cleaning up for visitors was a milestone for me in understanding privilege. Ms. Fishy and I, well, more her than me, are not horrible slobs. The standard to which we keep the place on a daily basis is nothing to be ashamed of. But any time anyone is scheduled to come over, she goes into all-the-things-must-be-CLEANED mode, regardless of how comfortable we had been with their state prior to knowing about the impending visit.

    This caused me some consternation early on in our co-habitating. I would mutter and grumble, and drag my ass when forced to help. I felt like she was being hypocritical, that doing extra-special cleaning was not being true to who we actually are. It felt like a double standard designed to portray us as people we were not.

    And then I found this place and read thread after thread after thread about privilege and the blindness it invokes, and suddenly I got it. I have the luxury of being able to go “Meh, good enough.” about the housekeeping because I will never be judged on the state of the house. Hell, I could live here on my own for weeks and if someone were to see the place Ms. Fishy would still be judged for how it looks.

    That realisation was really freeing. I’m more than willing to help now. I create more than half the mess if I’m being honest, and that she’s going to get judged for that is not acceptable.

    Speaking of which, I have to go do the dishes now that it’s midnight. Oi, procrastination FTW! They took our dishwasher away a couple of weeks ago to instal it in the new house. I really didn’t realise just how much I’d miss it. Come back dear sweet appliance, come back to me! I promise to never put plastics in your bottom drawer again, and to always refill your rinse-aid before it runs out….

  239. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Oh, hai bold fail. Could you be a little more mysterious in your origin?

  240. opposablethumbs says

    low maintenance (or preferably zero maintenance) is how I’d like a garden to be, rq! :-)

    Portia, you’re so good at being a grown-up. Way, way better at it than I am, and I’m light-years* older than you!
    Hope the visit is a great success. The nearest I ever came to biting off more family than I could chew was one time years ago when I accidentally let myself in for making borscht for all three of the family’s most expert borscht-makers. Fortunately it turned out OK (never again, though!)
    .
    * to anyone with an itchy trigger-finger: yes, I do know that a light-year is a measure of distance not time.

  241. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Thanks for the commiserations, all :)

    Now I have to figure out what to feed them tonight. Not that they’re expecting much, I just can’t think of what to make that’s low-effort and high-yield.

    FossilFishy:

    That’s a great point about privilege and probably contributes to my anxiety about having a Presentable Home. Not to mention that beyond the cleaning I want to have clean towels and face towels and bedside lamps and tissues on hand and whatever they might need. I would imagine most men don’t feel pressure to be a Hostess Extraordinaire. : p

    Last night I ate twice as many chicken wraps as S for dinner (yes, we are…spending time together, it’s a long boring story but it’s going alright for the moment). I was feeling bad about then I realized the gendered elements to serving sizes and whatnot, and decided to forget the worry. Plus, S concocted the delicious dinner so we were already defying stereotypes. :)

    Hope everyone’s having a lovely day, or at least one that’s a little less bad than the one before it.

  242. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    But it fits the music… sechsundachtzig Luftballons!!!

    Once again, I’ve been defeated by not knowing German. :)

  243. rq says

    Portia
    Are they vegetarian? If not, I would recommend something like a spaghetti sauce: my quick-and-easy recipe is ~700g ground beef/pork, one 250mL jar tomato PASTE, 4 ripe tomatoes, lots of garlic, lots of onion, basil, thyme, salt, pepper.
    Brown the garlic and onion, add meat, sprinkle generously with basil, salt, pepper, let simmer; add tomato paste and chopped tomatoes, plus more herbs and salt and pepper to taste, simmer for as long as needed. Other vegetables can be added, and I’m pretty sure it can be made without the meat, too. It freezes well, too, in case you make too much.
    Be careful with S. But the dinner sounds delicious and lovely. Mmmm, chickenwraps. Which reminds me, I have to get dinner started. Eep!

  244. opposablethumbs says

    Well observed and well grasped, FossilFishy.
    .
    This is what’s cool about so many people here at Pharyngula. Instead of either blindly insisting that their view is the only one OR getting indignant and hyper-defensive about realising one has not been perfect, people here most often take a different-to-theirs view on board and learn from it.
    You lot are smart, so you are.

  245. says

    Posting this here cause Newsvine is being stupid and I’ll repost this tonight when it starts to work again:

    (In response to the valedictorian tearing up his speech and saying the Lord’s Prayer.)

    There are no unjust laws and regulations saying he can’t pray, show his personal beliefs, lead other students in prayer, evangelize, or share their personal beliefs (so long as it doesn’t interfere with schoolwork.)

    Separation of church and state has jack to do with one’s personal beliefs on the matter. It’s all about government neutrality. Every day, there are stories like this young man’s that show that people still don’t understand that.

    People in this thread clearly don’t understand that. Government neutrality does not mean we’re trampling on your personal beliefs.

    I don’t give a rat’s ass if you want to stand in the middle of a street or Times Square or the Washington Mall and shout about how great your god is and that everyone should worship them cause they’re so good. Go ahead, knock yourself out.

    I don’t want to speak for all atheists, but what I care about is that a school can force young students to go to a prayer vigil on school grounds or face punishment or ostracism.

    I care that a secular invocation in Arizona gets followed up the next day be a denouncement of that same invocation, an apology, and a second prayer to make up for the lack of one the next day. Also that somehow being an atheist means you should give up your podium if you don’t feel like praying.

    I care that chaplains in the military are overwhelmingly Christians, and that when atheist soldiers want an alternative who won’t judge their lack of belief, it gets shouted down in committee with a loud “NO!”

    I care that a public government building has out front a symbol that shows that I’m not going to be fairly represented by that government, and that same government has fought to maintain that air of unfair representation.

    I care that government officials are at prayer breakfasts and religious vigils, saying how wonderful faith is for our country, and when a secular person wants an invitation to speak and give an inclusive ‘we do this together’ they get denied.

    I care that of the 533 members of the 113th Congress, there is 1 “Unaffiliated” member and no out atheists (there are 10 who didn’t answer.)

    (And in a more personal note: I care that people take a look at my lack of belief and call me immoral, deserving of hell, and make claims about my personal actions that fly in the face of whatever I do. I hate that people immediately think of me as being untrustworthy, when I keep every promise I make (no matter how frivolous or how silly they may be. I kept a promise to a cat for FSM-sake!) I also care that this story is tagged “morality”, “ethics”, and “character” but doubt one with a secular message would be tagged the same way.)

  246. yazikus says

    Morning Horde,
    Thanks for listening last night- it was very helpful for me to be able to voice some of my frustration.
    @FossilFishy
    I’ve had the same experience with my partner, he’s all “meh, it’s fine” and I’m scrambling around dusting and stuff.
    @Portia, good luck with your guests! I find that if I get a big beautiful bouquet of flowers for the coffee table or entrance table, I feel much more presentable.

  247. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    So, got up at 4 AM to replace some mounting bolts on a thing exhaust goes through while exhaust wasn’t going through it. The key wasn’t where it was supposed to be on the site, and I couldn’t get that straightened out (well, it still isn’t; I think where it was left was that the guy from the other contractor who left last swore he put it back in the right place) until 6:30, and I had to leave by 7, so I couldn’t do any of the things I was supposed to and got up Stupid Early for. :(

  248. rq says

    FossilFishy and yazikus
    Heh, in our household, it’s the opposite. I’m all ‘meh’ because if people want to gripe about my cleaning skills, I can’t be bothered to cater to them, and the people who I want to cater to, won’t gripe. But I understand the point of view!

  249. says

    Matt Taibbi refuses to take the “chumpbait” being fed to the press regarding the Bradley Manning trial. Here’s an excerpt from a longer and excellent article:

    Link.

    …At the very least, according to Johnson, we shouldn’t have to listen to anyone call Manning a hero:

    At the centre of the storm is a person who one suspects should never have been in uniform, let along enjoying access to military intelligence, who has blundered into the history books by way of a personality crisis. Incredibly, some people actually want to celebrate him as a gay icon. Who next, the Kray twins?

    Wow. We’re the ones machine-gunning children, and yet Manning is the one being compared to the murdering Kray twins? And Jesus, isn’t being charged with the Espionage Act enough? Is Manning also being accused of not representing gay America skillfully enough on the dock?

    Here’s my question to Johnson: What would be the correct kind of person to have access to videos of civilian massacres? Who’s the right kind of person to be let in the know about the fact that we systematically turned academics and other “suspects” over to the Iraqi military to be tortured? We want people who will, what, sit on this stuff? Apparently the idea is to hire the kind of person who will cheerfully help us keep this sort of thing hidden from ourselves….

  250. cicely says

    “Worm food”? He seriously thinks that any compassionate human being would hit the bereaved with that?
    .
    .
    .
    Ah. I see. All atheists are quasi-Vulcans, and feel no compassion, nor any other emotion.
     
    Except, of course, for “anger with god”.
    -
    *hugs* and on-going sympathy for sleepingwytch.
    -
    *massive hugs* for yazikus. It’s almost like they cherry-pick their data on the “effectiveness” of prayer in affecting an outcome, isn’t it?
    </sarcasm>
    -
    JAL!
    *pouncehug*
    -
    G’morning, WMDKitty!
    *scritches*
    :)
    -
    rq, that is a beautiful purple iris! It’s a darker purple than the one I’ve got lashed to my quad-cane, right now.
     

    They even have a pea-covered horse,

    You can see the Evil in its eyes.
    -
    *hugs* and encouragement for Portia.
    I could send you pics of my “housekeeping”, for you to post prominently for contrast.
    :D
    -
    birgerjohansson: Neat astronomy stuff! Thanks.
    :)
    -

  251. cicely says

    rq, “Tim” is obviously a were-honey badger.
    :D
    -
    Portia, be sure to keep yourself in mind, when dealing with S.
    -

  252. Menyambal --- son of a son of a bachelor says

    ” … valedictorian tearing up his speech and saying the Lord’s Prayer.”

    That’s stupid on a few more levels:

    Jesus specifically told his disciples to NOT mindlessly repeat prayers like the heathens do, and advised them to pray with an open heart, and then gave an illustration of how to pray honestly and conversationally. His example of a not-to-be-repeated prayer is now the most-repeated prayer in Christendom.

    The Lord’s Prayer is also an example of how the original text somehow winds up different in different groups.

    —–

    I switched my phone on after a week or so with it off, as I am the only alleged adult in town today. I just got a missed call and a voicemail from someone who probably needed my help, so I went to my voicemail, and had to reset the whole thing for some damned upgrade or other, then waded through all the calls from the creditors I am avoiding, while getting two more unwanted calls that screwed up the process, then finally got to the emergency message, which turned out to be a butt-dial, but sounded enough like a real emergency that I had to listen to it for some time.

    I’m turning the phone back off.

    ——

    I like the Lego of all the drowned people at the bottom of the ocean.

  253. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    JAL and Menyambal – *pouncehug*

    Portia – Good luck with the visiting relatives and try not to worry about the state of your house. Been there, done that. It doesn’t help. :D

  254. cicely says

    The way I see it—are they here to visit me? Or are they here to visit my house?
    “Warts and all!”
    -

  255. Menyambal --- son of a son of a bachelor says

    Cicely and Hekuni, thanks.

    I love the “pouncehug”.

  256. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Weeellll snap…

    Homophobe fundie mother-in-law came in unannounced this morning. I was expecting her to drop off my eldest daughter, but didn’t expect her to get out of the car. So, when I opened the door, there she was. Eldest son was right by me, in his nightgown with several balloons on his head. She looked at him. She looked at the floor. I realized what had just happened, shrugged and said, “He’s Lady Gaga.” She laughed and said nothing more about it. The rest of the visit was relaxed and chatty.

    That went better than expected.

    I’m left wondering if I have just witnessed the awesome power of denial in all it’s dysfunctional glory. Is the cat out of the bag or will she pretend this never happened? Either way, I’ll take it!

    Eldest daughter said she’d already gotten to hear a creationist rant this morning. Things definitely could have gone worse. Her capacity for loving her grand-babies outshines her religious leanings so far. So, I’m hopeful that she’ll either ignore this or adapt.

  257. says

    Getting ready to go take D to her therapy. This will be the first time we’ve gone anywhere since things went south. I am filled with conflicting but mostly negative emotions. Here’s hoping all goes reasonably well.

  258. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    It hit me again this afternoon how stupid I am, and how much of a failure. I wish I could go back and work on being a better person, except that, even if I could go back, I can’t even determine the moment everything went to hell. I’m afraid it’s just how I am.
    I don’t know which possibility bothers me more- that I can’t change, or that I could if I only tried hard enough.

    Sorry, feeling a bit down. Maybe more than a bit.

  259. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    Sorry, just dropped that in without reading.
    Dalillama, best of luck to D with the appointment, and to you holding yourself together.

  260. rq says

    Dalillama
    *hugs* and I hope things go well.
    I will refresh my holdable jar of thumbs for you.

    Beatrice
    Well, don’t bother correcting me if I’m wrong, but what I’ve seen of you commenting hereabouts, you are definitely not stupid, nor a failure. You’re experiencing a slow start, but it’s a start, and that means Progress. Society sets difficult standards to follow, and very few people actually fulfill them properly enough to be considered ‘successful’ (those billionaires, remember, are only 1%, and that’s just because they got lucky).
    I’m very happy and glad to know you (even only via internet), and I would love to meet you one day, if we’re both brave enough. We’ll invite Alan Rickman, too, so he can do all the talking in case we’re too shy.
    *hugs* for you, too, I hope your weekend is better than today has obviously been!

  261. rq says

    Oh and *hugs* for Jackie as well, may the Good Start be maintained forevermore, together with a positive change in perspective for all family involved. (Here’s to love.)

  262. says

    Also@Jake Hamby

    Here is more about the Feminine Boy Project (Huge TW): http://womenborntranssexual.com/2010/03/30/stony-brook-university-and-the-feminine-boy-project/

    My father beat me very viciously, systematically, and totally ruthlessly, hundreds of times before I ever got out of training diapers. It started when I corrected them and said I was a girl and indicated I didn’t feel safe around little boys, and then eventually every single time he caught me doing something I “shouldn’t” be doing: limping my wrist, crying, playing with girl toys, he beat me systematically, often until I bled through the nose, saw stars, etc. It was brutal stuff. By the time I was five years old I had had 20 recurring dreams of jumping off of the Mississippi bridge (we lived next to it, about two hundred feet away in Port Allen) and was frequently suicidal throughout the day..By the time I was five years old I had Disorder of Extreme Stress Not Otherwise Specified/Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I am a transsexual woman, not cisgendered, and was subjected to, as you can tell by now, a very different life experience. By the time I got to the fifth grade I had been called the f-word hundreds of times, it being directed at me not to mean “jerk” but being directed at me accompanied by slapping, pushing, spitting, punching, sometimes assault even. All because I didn’t fit stereotypes of how I should be behaving, all because the bullies were ruthlessly tormenting me conflating my gender identity with my sexual orientation. I was not attracted to little boys, even had I been I merely would have been a straight transgirl, but the point was they thought I was a boy and must be attracted to boys because of girly I acted. Had I actually been an actual boy (gender identity) it really still wouldn’t have mattered or even been relevant to sexual orientation, but it was made an issue by them because they were assholes. It didn’t work to tell them all of the crushes I had on cisgirls throughout school; their names, etc. It was all very real to me: those crushes, but it meant nothing to them. So again, I don’t know the kind of general harassment cisgendered women experienced growing up, but I do know the trauma of being a transgirl. I just wanted to share that, because, I think, you know, there can be a real dearth of understanding of what transwomen go through: as if we just magically had male privilege and one day gave it up to become women. It wasn’t a privilege to have Complex PTSD/DESNOS by the time I was five years old.

    As far as narcolepsy goes, I should ask them that because I think it’s worth asking the neurologist. At this point, supposing it is my head producing it (which I seriously doubt), I’m thinking it’s probably some kind of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, because I’ve had absence/petite mal seizures since I was like 3 or 4 years old, and those absence seizures started acting up again in the last three years, which is also, coincidentally, when the drones/djinn moved from possession experiences to possession experiences and OBO’s (Out of Body Experiences) accompanying outright abductions. If my head is creating this that would be great though, right? I can just take a pill and at least it will be calmed somewhat. Regardless, I need to get the absence seizures checked out, because I’ve almost been run over by cars several times now crossing the street…I imagine your girlfriend deals with somewhat similar trials in this respect, due to narcolepsy.

    I would say the difference for me regarding worldview though, is that none of the things posted here http://pastebin.com/9Gs02VRQ are interpreted by me supernaturally; they are all robots/AI/drones, they exist not in some magical rhealm, just superior beings. If depakote or something like it-and I used to take depakote as a child for the absence seizures- can make them go away that would be great. At this stage in life it just, it makes too much sense in too many ways for me to say it could only be my mind producing these things.

    Thanks for your time.

  263. says

    Moment of Mormon Madness:

    Dalyn Montgomery, who has studied race relations in higher education, believes he knows what to credit for the progress: Mormonism’s structure.

    “In both my studies and my experience,” says Montgomery, a white Latter-day Saint married to a black convert in Philadelphia, “the LDS Church is structured better than any institution to overcome racial obstacles.”

    Ummm … The LDS Church ended its ban on blacks in the priesthood on June 8, 1978. Not a good record there of overcoming racial obstacles.

    And the LDS Church still has within its sacred texts lots of references to black skin as being a sign of unworthiness in the pre-existence, and of all kinds of other sins.

    http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/56418444-80/black-church-says-lds.html.csp

  264. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Dallilamma,
    Hugs and best wishes. I hope things look brighter soon.

    Beatrice,
    I feel that way sometimes too (depression sucks). It passes, but it kicks my ass until it does. Don’t believe those thoughts. They lie. You aren’t stupid. You aren’t a failure. You care deeply and show empathy and understanding. That’s just how you are. *Hugs*

    rq,
    Thanks! Here’s to love indeed!

  265. says

    Follow up to post #354. An ex-mormon makes this point:

    The ban was never just simply a ban on the preisthood, but an entire doctrine comprised of Speeches, teachings, and coursework used to justify the Church’s abhorrent treatment of Blacks. Relegating these people to that of second class status within the congregation demanded nothing less than an entire regime solely dedicated to this purpose.

  266. says

    yazikus

    7 June 2013 at 11:26 am (UTC -5)

    Morning Horde,
    Thanks for listening last night- it was very helpful for me to be able to voice some of my frustration.

    I suck at listening due to how consumed I am by my own problems, but I thought the quote you had was inspiring. When I started reading about your problems, it was very triggering for me, because I lost someone suddenly and traumatically in my life years ago, so I couldn’t respond to it adequately. ((hugs)) here though, as I could associate it long enough here, the memory, to give you hugs I think. The guy that died had saved my life on the way out of a dangerous cult I was in. I was really out of it last night and will be very out of it soon again I imagine. *hugs while I’m “with it”.

    While I’m more “together”:
    Soft-Hugs@Beatrice

    Hugs@Dallilama

    Hugs@Jackie

    The good thing about hugs is they uplift everyone =~)

    Now I wonder how long I can keep myself from my own problems, probably not long. It’s hard to keep it together and deal with other peoples’ problems. I lost my family a year and a half ago due to bigotry, but I lost them five years before that due to getting out of the dangerous cult they were in, so it’s not like I heard at all from them outside of a couple letters my mother sent the priest who saved me. My former therapists told them where I lived and forwarded a letter with contact info, I called in early Jan 2012 to get closure. My dad showed up, went on and on all night long how I was going to hell, and when I asked why he beat me so viciously as a child “Did you know I was trans or think I was trans or gay?” and he said “If it weren’t for your mother I would have killed you” followed by him forbidding me to see the rest of my immediate family and asking incessantly “who abused you as a child”. He left the next day, having only spent a day, no telephone calls from anyone else in family, extended family, two very disrespectful emails from my mother over next 5 months, resulting me in cutting them out of my life officially because that’s what they had done to me. It’s now been almost 7 years since I got away from the cult, and I since transitioned (I am TS woman) two years ago, name change, gender marker change, hormones, everything except surgeries, living full time as myself, etc. Seven years and I haven’t heard the voices of any of my 6 brothers and sisters, or my mother, and only heard my dad on the phone once and saw him in person that night he visited. No contact from extended family.

    Oh there we go again, I’m fairly consumed by my own issues again now. Thanks for the hugs Cicely and all and thanks for sharing Jack Hamby (and listening), and thanks for letting me know about that documentary Lynna, it looks interesting. Today I can look forward to more anxiety attacks, a future with seemingly no end to the isolation. If I go out in the outside world I can look forward to being taken advantage of due to the C-PTSD (refined Stockholm Syndrome) and Autism (emotionally delayed at eight years old). But due to what my therapists said was mild agorophobia going out and about it significantly difficult, as well as such rational concerns as listed in the preceeding sentence. I shall proceed to doing daily things like checking email and catching up on my now 60 correspondence chess games. Inevitably the anxiety attacks will come and the hydroxyzyine given for them will have to be mostly avoided due to how it messes up my sleeping schedule sometimes, and even when taken only dampens them somewhat.

  267. Lysander says

    hello there…this is Dalillama’s partner L.
    I just wanted to stop by & THANK ALL OF YOU…both for being there for him as a support network and for helping us out even though you don’t even know me/him and will likely never meet us in person, your outpouring of support both emotional and financial in these hard times is beyond appreciated, its means the world to us (especially someone like me who the world just loves to throw under the bus it seems)…your support and kindness is immeasurable and the two of us will forever be grateful for the help you have given to us in these very very hard times (and they are hard). we’ll make it through, somehow we always do, but this time around, i don’t think we could have made it so far, w/out the support of the lot of you.
    it means double to me because i’m not a member of the community here, i’m not on the forums but the fact that your friend & his partner need help is enough to spur on such generosity, it means more than i can express in words.
    sorry if I’ve repeated myself a few times here but i really am overwhelmed by your kindness & selflessness that not even my local friends can muster, the fact that there are people out there willing to help us both really gets us through days like these, people who don’t know me care about me more than even my biological family could ever be arsed to, it means so much. We can make the electric payment, take care of some medical expenses and get the cable off our back so we can continue to run our shop & try to make the ends meet, all of which are so very helpful and important to keep the homestead up & running.
    so thank you, from the bottom of our heart, you are a group of people to be treasured and the world needs more people like y’all, it really and truly does.
    thank you again for your support, Sincerely, L.D. Mahlo!

  268. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    rq,

    Internet commenting deceives.
    I would like to meet you, because I like you, but I wouldn’t like you to meet me, because I don’t like myself. I’m afraid the second part “wins”.

    [If we invited Alan Rickman along, the meeting would probably amount to him talking (about weather, reading a phone book, whatever) while the two of us listened, enraptured. ]

  269. says

    “They don’t believe anything. I can’t imagine an atheist accompanying a notification team as they go into some family’s home to let them have the worst news of their life and this guy says, ‘You know, that’s it—your son’s just worms, I mean, worm food.’”

    I recall my great-grandfathers funeral when I was something like 7 or 8. For some reason the pastor concentrated on Romans 6:23; “wages of sin is death”.

  270. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    Sleepingwytch,
    I wish I had a time machine. I wish I could go back and spirit you away to a safe place. You should have been somebody’s beloved little girl. You’re dad should have made you feel safe. He should have treasured you. You parents should have taught you to hope and to see wonder in the world around you. I’m sorry they failed so miserably as parents. I’m glad you’ve been able to nurture yourself enough to get this far. I hope it is only a short matter of time before you find the right diagnosis, medication, therapy or whatever you need to stop suffering. You deserve better.

    Have you read Kate Bornstein?

    http://katebornstein.typepad.com/

    She’s kinda woo, but she’s great.

  271. yazikus says

    Thanks sleepingwytch. I’ve been reading about your struggle too- and hugs back if you want them. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. I’m sorry it was triggering for you though, I should have probably put a content note. I thought I was vague enough- but I can totally see how it wasn’t, really. I know there are people who complain about the horde, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a kinder, more fiercely protective community anywhere. It is invaluable.

  272. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    I’m sorry I haven’t kept up and given out hugs and support. I do feel for all of you. I really do. I have all the feels, I just don’t have all the spoons.

    *hugs* (or substitute) for everyone and thank you so much for all the support, and pouncehugs. It’s awesome knowing you guys are so excited to see me when I drop in, even though I contribute like nothing.

  273. broboxley OT says

    sleepingwytch that much beating to the head could well be the cause of what you are experiencing.

  274. morgan says

    Hey, has anyone heard from Rowanvt lately? If I recall correctly she wanted to chew off her feet due to hives on the soles. Not fun. And I wonder how little Parsnip is doing.

    Rowanvt, I hope all is well.

  275. says

    Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty

    7 June 2013 at 3:02 pm (UTC -5)

    Sleepingwytch,
    I wish I had a time machine. I wish I could go back and spirit you away to a safe place. You should have been somebody’s beloved little girl. You’re dad should have made you feel safe. He should have treasured you. You parents should have taught you to hope and to see wonder in the world around you. I’m sorry they failed so miserably as parents. I’m glad you’ve been able to nurture yourself enough to get this far. I hope it is only a short matter of time before you find the right diagnosis, medication, therapy or whatever you need to stop suffering. You deserve better.

    Have you read Kate Bornstein?

    http://katebornstein.typepad.com/

    She’s kinda woo, but she’s great.

    That looks very interesting, I will have to follow her blog more often. The group I was in is called Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family, and Property, and is currently headed worldwide by Prince Luis of the Royal House of Orleans-Braganza and Duke Paul of Oldenbourg, and was founded in Brazil decades ago by Plinio Correa De Oliveira. They’re all Monarchists, their aim is to restore Christendom, they venerate the Hapsburgs/Charlemagne/Spanish Inquisition. They’re pretty bonkers.

    So I am 31 years old right now, some couldn’t tell mayhaps based on my avatar, thanks for the kind words I think. I am alive and continuing to struggle because there exist other human beings who would be harmed by my suicide, so because I’m not the last person alive, I keep existing. I had one suicide attempt when I was 18, I obviously failed. I wound up in the emergency room drinking charcoal because I chickened out halfway through it due to thinking how it would make my mother feel. I didn’t think twice about my dad though: that asshole would have been happy had I killed myself, seriously.

    Thanks for these words.

    broboxley OT

    7 June 2013 at 3:14 pm (UTC -5)

    sleepingwytch that much beating to the head could well be the cause of what you are experiencing.

    That kind of beating could very well provoke a lifetime problem of seizure-versus just C-PTSD/DESNOS which is atrociously horrible in and of itself. His beating and later traumatic abuse in life of various sorts has left me crippled and severely disabled. All because he and society insisted I had to behave a certain way. The whole general thing with the Feminine Boy Project was how it would inform Doctors and Ministers/Priests around the country to advise parents to whip their children just like he whipped me. Sure enough I was on the receiving end of it.

    I badly, badly wish I had just been born in the right body. That would have sucked too, being a cisgendered girl, but it would have saved me so much trauma it’s ridiculous. Grrrr@government funded malice towards transpeople and gaypeople like the FBP.

    morgan

    7 June 2013 at 3:18 pm (UTC -5)

    Hey, has anyone heard from Rowanvt lately? If I recall correctly she wanted to chew off her feet due to hives on the soles. Not fun. And I wonder how little Parsnip is doing.

    Rowanvt, I hope all is well.

    I hope she’s doing well as well.

    yazikus

    7 June 2013 at 3:05 pm (UTC -5)

    Thanks sleepingwytch. I’ve been reading about your struggle too- and hugs back if you want them. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. I’m sorry it was triggering for you though, I should have probably put a content note. I thought I was vague enough- but I can totally see how it wasn’t, really. I know there are people who complain about the horde, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a kinder, more fiercely protective community anywhere. It is invaluable.

    I don’t judge you for it at all, the problem with trauma is that oftentimes we get so consumed by it (ongoing trauma in my case) that we get overwhelmed with grief and are unable to keep our social bearings. Due to the fact I have Autism this can get really difficult for me as well, and I often don’t attach TW’s with more prudence either. In summary, I don’t blame you at all for that, and I often forget as well. How can one remember sometimes? You just get consumed in grief, as if the only thing you can see or think about or feel is the trauma you’re reliving in your head. So no worries and ((hugs)) :+)

    Thanks for hugs Beatrice (hugs) again.

  276. rq says

    *hugs* for everyone, everyone, and everyone!

    Lysander
    Just glad to help, I really hope you make it through and that things get better for all of you! *extra hugs*

    Beatrice
    We’ll just have to bring all the phone books, and then whatever we think of each other, or that we think the other will think of us, won’t matter. :) And it will be time well-spent. *hugs*

  277. Lysander says

    RQ
    thank you so much, i believe we’ll muddle through, some how we always make it…even if just barely by the skin of our teeth…i hope someday to be done just making it by and be able to live more and stress less (but i think we ALL want that, if you don’t, well, i dunno lol…who wants more stress? really).
    thanks again all.
    and to those others on the forums, and elsewhere who are struggling, hang in there, i know how bleak it seems…and it seams very bleak indeed, but it can get better and you’ve got a great bunch of people here on the boards who love & support you even though they don’t know you in real time/real life, thats not whats important, the important thing is they care (i’ve never seen such a caring group of people really, honest i haven’t).
    *hugs or appropriate equivalent for all*
    Much Love, Mahlo!

  278. birgerjohansson says

    “They’re all Monarchists”
    Tomorrow Saturday, Swedish TV will be covering a princess getting married (yawn).
    BTW I am not very big on flags and stuff, it was only this week I realised that my brother’s birthday (June 6) coincides with the national day.
    When I grew up there was no national day, so I associated the concept with grainy black & white TV images of Soviet soldiers marching down the Red Square, or grainy black & white TV images of Norwegians celebrating 17 May.

  279. opposablethumbs says

    Beatrice, I guess – I hope – that maybe you know with part of your mind that this is depression lying to you. You are most definitely not stupid (that’s absolutely guaranteed, just on the evidence of what you express here) nor are you a failure; you are doing the best you can in a shitty economic situation with less than stellar family attitudes around you, which are extremely likely imo to be undermining your confidence. Tell that depression-voice to shut the fuck up and piss the fuck off; you are good people, dammit! (and I’m another one who’d love to meet you; I think you sound really nice!).
    .
    Jackie Ms Paper, that sounds not too bad wrt your MiL?!?!? Fingers crossed!
    .
    ::waves:: to JAL and menyambal. Hope you are OK and able to take care of yourself, menyambal. And you do too contribute, JAL! (I think we learn a lot from you, actually)
    .
    Yeah, I hope Rowanvt is all right, and that Parsnip’s health is improving.
    .
    sleepingwytch I don’t even know how to begin to say how sorry I am that you have been so horribly treated by your family and especially your father. I think just keeping yourself going and getting away from them at last is one hell of an achievement. I wish you all kinds of good luck in getting the treatment you need to help you go on overcoming the harm that was done to you.
    .
    Hey, Lysander – it’s lovely to meet you, and thank you for coming by! I really hope things go better for you all soon. Good luck to D for the therapy. Wishing your household all the best (eh, I only wish I had more than wishes to send :-( )
    .
    hugs to everyone who would care for one.

    Good night, Horde.

  280. says

    birgerjohansson

    7 June 2013 at 4:40 pm (UTC -5)

    “They’re all Monarchists”
    Tomorrow Saturday, Swedish TV will be covering a princess getting married (yawn).
    BTW I am not very big on flags and stuff, it was only this week I realised that my brother’s birthday (June 6) coincides with the national day.
    When I grew up there was no national day, so I associated the concept with grainy black & white TV images of Soviet soldiers marching down the Red Square, or grainy black & white TV images of Norwegians celebrating 17 May.

    They’re all counter-revolutionaries. They’re Monarchist goals are to roll back constitutional Monarchy and the Enlightenment. This is the manual: http://www.intratext.com/IXT/ENG0038/

    Many of them are descended from Royal Houses, some ancient and forgotten like that of my own family. They are not your typical Monarchists: they’re goal is to restore Christendom and the Monarchies across Western Europe. It’s part of their project. They are not a typical cult either as they are very well connected to Monarchist families globablly, and they are very European in the sense Charlemagne conceived of it.

    It’s kind of difficult adjusting to the real world when most of my mental imagery was spent in the dark or middle ages for years on end. It does things to one’s mind I suspect. So yes, they are all counter-revolutionaries who think a united christendom that is all catholic again is somehow a good thing. That’s more than a little bonkers but it’s what they hold to be true. They’re “spooky” too, but that’s kind of complicated to get into. Suffice it to say they helped several intelligence agencies overthrow Allende’s government: http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Latin_America/Villains_Afoot_COTP.html (Keyword search Vigilante squads).

    So yes, not your average group of Monarchists. They’re very…hands on I think…in a way not typically associated with Monarchism.

    I don’t think all forms of Monarchism are bad, certainly enlightened Monarchism wasn’t all bad, but I think mostly it’s been retired or rolled back (constitutional monarchy) for pretty good reasons I suspect. Had all Monarchs been enlightened Monarchs maybe there would be no democracies or republics nowadays, but that was very much far from the case when the Enlightenment happened.

    Ugh, anyway, they’re assholes. I was pretty unpopular in that group: I swore, I smoked cigarettes, I drank hard liquor, I flouted norms in all directions conceivable. I also sewed with my mother, played video games, did lots of housework and kitchenwork. Basically I gave them reasons in every area including challenging their major thought processes and gender stereotypes, to hate my guts. It embarassed my family greatly, and I wound up being isolated in the larger group and in my family as well at times (immediate and extended). I mostly didn’t care to bother to conform to them except in as much as the main society expected me to pretend to be an entire person I was not (a guy), and not conforming has always been my test of people:I find someone who is going to say “you can’t do that because you’re less of X” and then I do it a bunch of times just to prove what an asshole they are. In TFP it almost got me killed, but I suspect being killed by them would have been a virtue.

    More music for me :+)

  281. says

    Lynna, OM

    7 June 2013 at 10:56 am (UTC -5)

    Brooklyn Castle students are winning chess matches. 70% of these students live below the poverty line. A new documentary looks at the successes of these children, plus the financial difficulties. The documentary extols the geeks.

    We may be looking at the first African American female American Chess Master.
    YouTube link to the trailer for the documentary.

    Official Brooklyn Castle site: http://www.brooklyncastle.com

    I’m very Cajun/Irish (Black Irish) but I’ve had experiences with African-American culture growing up due to being constantly mistaken for an African-American person throughout my life. Having had those experiences, it’s very good to see their communities taking chess in and using it as they are, it’s a tool to grow the intellect and order one’s thoughts to combat mental illness, as well a tool to under people and life in general. It’s a very valuable thing to give to youngsters, and I look forward to watching this documentary at some point when I can get my hands on it.

  282. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Gack, I hate being at the far end of a slow shared internet connection at work. I was trying to set up Outlook to communicate and synchronize with our new cloud based e-mail system this afternoon. When I finally got the cloud e-mail downloading, it was taking forever off the company LAN. Went home, hooked via wifi to the iMac connected to Comcast/digital cable modem, and finished the download in 2 minutes instead of 50 minutes. Sometimes Tim the Toolman had it right: “More Power!”.

  283. says

    *as well a tool to under people and life in general* that should have read “as well as a tool to understand people and life in general”

    I’m under a ridiculous amount of stress so I make all these embarassing spelling, grammar, and word errors. I feel exhausted and sad right now and using music to meditate is my main way of coping: listening to the same song like tens maybe hundreds of times is like saying a Rosary (I said thousands of those in my lifetime) but kind of “cheating” at meditating; using the music as a mantra. It helps me to relax to a good degree in as much as I can even manage to relax at all.

    It is raining outside I can see through my window. I often find visualizing my body parts and all of the stress leaving them can help too, as well as the hydroxyzine. Regardless, I still wind up bed ridden with anxiety attacks and having them in chair too, and staring off for hours mindlessly. The joys of being traumatized, it makes it all into a living hell. I finished replying to the 50 correspondence chess games, I hope to get like 100 of them or more going so I can have some more distractions and order my thoughts better.

  284. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    All because I didn’t fit stereotypes of how I should be behaving, all because the bullies were ruthlessly tormenting me conflating my gender identity with my sexual orientation. I was not attracted to little boys, even had I been I merely would have been a straight transgirl, but the point was they thought I was a boy and must be attracted to boys because of girly I acted. Had I actually been an actual boy (gender identity) it really still wouldn’t have mattered or even been relevant to sexual orientation, but it was made an issue by them because they were assholes. It didn’t work to tell them all of the crushes I had on cisgirls throughout school; their names, etc. It was all very real to me: those crushes, but it meant nothing to them. So again, I don’t know the kind of general harassment cisgendered women experienced growing up, but I do know the trauma of being a transgirl. I just wanted to share that, because, I think, you know, there can be a real dearth of understanding of what transwomen go through: as if we just magically had male privilege and one day gave it up to become women. It wasn’t a privilege to have Complex PTSD/DESNOS by the time I was five years old.

    I don’t think I had it nearly as bad, but I relate a lot to this. As far as I can tell, my relationship to the concept of gender identity is “division by zero” as far as “mainstream” gender/queer theory is concerned, but I was gender-nonconforming in a lot of ways and bullied really viciously and persistently. :/

  285. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Oh…been meaning to ask:

    ((hugs)) because ima steal some hugs from u :P

    Was this directed to me specifically? It wasn’t clear in context. :/

  286. says

    I don’t think I had it nearly as bad, but I relate a lot to this. As far as I can tell, my relationship to the concept of gender identity is “division by zero” as far as “mainstream” gender/queer theory is concerned, but I was gender-nonconforming in a lot of ways and bullied really viciously and persistently. :/

    The way it worked for me was that the culture was viciously coercing me to be pretending to be a guy/male/boy even though I didn’t identify as that at all and wanted to be own self, so the game I played in return was sort of “Ok, I’ll pretend to be whatever you want, but you’re going to hate me for it” and this wound up with me being bitterly and deliberately gender non-conforming within the framework I was forced into as a why to fight back at being forced to pretend to be an entire identity I never was…. I had a very, very lonely childhood and was homeschooled by the 7th grade.

    It’s too bad the culture coerced me into pretending to be someone I never was, having C-PTSD/DESNOS by the age of five and having recurring dreans of jumping off the Mississippi bridge 20 or so times before I was five and being constantly suicidal from the earliest ages really is no way to be treated. But then, the thing I keep learning about this society is that it really isn’t interested in what transgender people have been through and is always and everywhere interested in burying our identities, what we’ve been through and suffered, or twisting it to it’s advantage when it cannot be ignored. This applies to both conservative Republican tranasgenocidal behavior, opinions, and culture, as well as “Liberalism” as well. They are both very trans-genocidal and trans-erasing. The fact this culture funded the Feminine Boy Project with endorsements from 2nd wave feminists for it being used against transgirls like me as well as endorsements from the usual Right Wing suspects, is no surprise.

    My family didn’t get involved with TFP until I was 16 years old, but they where conservative christians before that. I was self schooled past the 7th grade but it got called homeschooling somehow.

  287. says

    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    7 June 2013 at 5:44 pm (UTC -5)

    Oh…been meaning to ask:

    ((hugs)) because ima steal some hugs from u :P

    Was this directed to me specifically? It wasn’t clear in context. :/

    I just like hugging people. I won’t hug you if you don’t want to (((hugs))) if you want though. It was you specifically I think. I like to hug everyone that I can possibly, because I’m just like that I guess.

  288. says

    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    7 June 2013 at 5:59 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

    It’s fine. Just…curious I guess.

    ((soft-hugs)) again :+)

    I love hugs, I’m kind of like a plushie doll loving hug loving person I guess. C=
    Maybe I didn’t get enough of them as a child…In fact I remember a lot of isolation as a child, vaguely. I just loooove hugs :+)

  289. says

    L:
    You and Dalillama are both very, very welcome. I hope good times are headed your way soon.
    ****
    Beatrice:
    Worthless you are not.
    Lies to you depression does.

    You are always appreciated by us. You’re part of the Horde Family.
    ****
    On that subject, and slightly related to Ogvorbis’ comments a few days ago (about reading past comments as a way to break out of a melancholy mood), I realized that when things are going poorly, I have taken comfort in the outpouring of live an support shown by so many commenters over the years. Especially after I first talked about M’s death. Though that was such a devastating tragedy, I can still derive some joy in reading the compassionate responses people gave. They serve as an eternal reminder that the world is full of thoughtful, caring people. As L said earlier, that can mean a world of difference.

  290. says

    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    7 June 2013 at 6:16 pm (UTC -5)

    Me too.

    You love hugs too, excellent :+)

    (((soft-hugs))) and ((hugs)) again c:

    I was dissociating it but I don’t get enough hugs in the offline/meatspace and live in pretty extreme isolation, so that’s the main reason I get them here online. Because they usually don’t happen elsewhere. Although the summer is sort of here so I goto healthcare more now.

    ((hugs again))) for you <3

    I love giving and receiving hugs, and loving people as much as I can in general. I have evil parts too, tragically, but I mostly try to ignore them and bury them with the good parts.

    This is me, the sweet and loving woman I am. I give so many hugs I get so many hugs I love hugs! <3 =)

    Here is music too I am listening to I will share with you ^.^

    God is an Astronaut – Route 666

  291. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    I love giving and receiving hugs, and loving people as much as I can in general. I have evil parts too, tragically, but I mostly try to ignore them and bury them with the good parts.

    This is me, the sweet and loving woman I am. I give so many hugs I get so many hugs I love hugs! <3 =)

    Yeah. I, um… x.x

    Here is music too I am listening to I will share with you ^.^

    God is an Astronaut – Route 666

    My speakers are broken; I’ll get back to you on it.

  292. Parrowing says

    Just going to comment quickly before bed to say:

    Hugs for sleepingwytch. I love those shoes you posted a picture of. I have a similar pair :)

    *

    Hugs to Lysander and, of course, Dalillama. I’m so glad this place has been helpful for you! I can’t do much right now, but I’ve been looking through your shop and wishing I had the money to spend on something because everything looks so cool! I know it may not be a lot but I wish you all the best :)

    *

    Beatrice: I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re really awesome and smart! *hugs*

  293. says

    Here’s an excellent interview: Navy Seal Kristen Beck speaks with Anderson Cooper: Navy SEAL to a feminine woman.

    http://planetransgender.blogspot.com/2013/06/navy-seal-kristen-beck-speaks-with.html
    She used to be a Navy SEAL, somehow her story isn’t so surprising to me.

    /eats popcorn and watches the rest of the interview ^.^

    I feel better watching this. My mannerisms and voice are way, way more feminine than hers typically but we all turn out differently. In fact, I’ve had other transwomen tell me that if it weren’t for the fact they knew I was trans; IOW, if they saw me on the street; they never would have guessed I was transgender at all. Also, she hid her real self way better than I ever did. God, it’s like, before I transitioned, I was this seemingly gender non-conforming person wearing flower shirts with jeans and limping my wrists from time to time, for years. To most people I probably looked like an effete gay dude. Now I’m like suffocatingly femme the way I cary myself with mannerisms in meatspace/offline.

    Her story is very interesting though /continues to watch and dissociate own problems in life.

  294. says

    WMDKitty — Survivor

    7 June 2013 at 6:28 pm (UTC -5)

    Dude, you guys are, like, a big fuzzy virtual security blanket.

    We sure are xD

    (((hugs))) <3

    Parrowing

    7 June 2013 at 6:35 pm (UTC -5)

    Just going to comment quickly before bed to say:

    Hugs for sleepingwytch. I love those shoes you posted a picture of. I have a similar pair :)

    Ahh yes, I love them omg they are great :+). Here are more pictures of me (NSFW) ^.^
    http://pastebin.com/1sTgc0mG (is the main link with pictures of me and my cooking, excerpted are pictures of me):

    (Newer)
    http://imgur.com/a/80tMs#0
    http://imgur.com/a/7Xign#0
    http://imgur.com/a/bZlB8/#0

    Older:
    http://imgur.com/a/1d2Ox#0
    http://imgur.com/a/63vnT#0

    evil poppet and needles:
    http://imgur.com/a/ZntKw#8
    http://imgur.com/EuKQ9UJ

    The shoes go great with my retro femme/goth look. =*)

  295. says

    Beatrice: I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re really awesome and smart! *hugs*

    More hugs for Beatrice (((hugs))) and (soft-hugs) again. :+)

  296. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    I feel better watching this. My mannerisms and voice are way, way more feminine than hers typically but we all turn out differently.

    On that note…I realized recently that in addition to “obvious” body-stuff (shape, voice, genitalia, with caveats due to…) and (…belatedly added…) self-identification stuff (which I still don’t entirely “get” but am trying not to discuss because the “not getting” seems to be taken as a threat/criticism most of the time), and reproductive functions, and clothing that flatters/emphasizes typically male or female physiques, there ARE certain mannerisms that “feel” gendered to me. I’m not sure what to do with this information. :/

  297. says

    Yeah. I, um… x.x

    Oh it’s ok (((soft-hugs))). Hugs solve the world’s problems and make people feel value they need inside. We all need to feel loved.

    My speakers are broken; I’ll get back to you on it.

    It’s ok I just love sharing music =)

    Here is another nice music for you too, calm and relaxing. ^.^
    Rainbow Serpent – INTENSE ELEMENTS
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3ggMSe6HkU

    Then when you get the chance at some point you will have nice calm and relaxing music :+)

  298. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    TRIGGER WARNING

    Down off of my panic attack. Luckily, I was busy today at work so I didn’t have a whole lot of time to dwell on what I did as a kid. The treatment by my own government of the one who brought enough attention to the rape to force the powers that be to take notice is appalling. And triggered me. Why? Dunno. Maybe because I got yelled at by the one I told? was punished by my rapist for telling someone else what he was doing? am really good at finding ways that what happened was somehow my fault?

    At the same time, I read stories like that, read what others have gone through, and realize that the deck was stacked so totally against me that it would have been a fucking miracle if he had been stopped. Just as it was a fucking miracle that the Stuebenville case ever made it to court.

    Sometimes I just feel like giving up, crawling back into the protective shell I used to inhabit and go back to ignoring the world. It would make no real difference to the world.

  299. says

    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    7 June 2013 at 7:11 pm (UTC -5)

    I feel better watching this. My mannerisms and voice are way, way more feminine than hers typically but we all turn out differently.

    On that note…I realized recently that in addition to “obvious” body-stuff (shape, voice, genitalia, with caveats due to…) and (…belatedly added…) self-identification stuff (which I still don’t entirely “get” but am trying not to discuss because the “not getting” seems to be taken as a threat/criticism most of the time), and reproductive functions, and clothing that flatters/emphasizes typically male or female physiques, there ARE certain mannerisms that “feel” gendered to me. I’m not sure what to do with this information. :/

    Working those out are a journey that is a very difficult interior one, you have my sympathies. For what it’s worth, right now, you don’t appear to have a gender to me at all; you appear to be agendered. I could be wrong of course, very easily in fact, but just the way you are describing how you see yourself sounds very neutrois/agendered to me. Then again, I’m a transsexual woman so I’m going to be going for not just the GRS bottom surgery, but a bunch of other ones as well: adam’s apple surgery, voice surgery, facial feminization surgery, ovaries implantation, uterus implantation. Basically I am going for every surgery I can get, maybe breast augmentation too but I may not go for that one in the end. Of course, I am disabled so I have no idea how I will get the money for these surgeries, but those surgeries will basically give me a closer approximation of the body which I would have had had I been allowed to transition around three or four years old (which I would have done) and then taken puberty blockers later on…I have Klinefelter’s syndrome too, so my secondary sex characteristics aren’t male, which means I am pretty hairless; hairless on chest and back, growing very very little hair on arms (my mother grew more sometimes), hardly ever had any facial hair growth. Due to Klinefelter’s, when I transitioned, I didn’t have to get electrolysis. Those pictures you see here of me: http://pastebin.com/1sTgc0mG
    Those pictures are pre-electrolysis….I am finally getting electrolysis done now, starting on my face, and it’s coming along wonderfully. I am a little over halfway done after like 3 sessions because there is basically almost nothing there…

    ((hugs)) again, muahahaha! :+)

    I am the diabolical hug monster ^.^

  300. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    It would make no real difference to the world.

    Except your describing your feeling and experiences teaches the rest of us not to be complacent.
    All I can say is I hope you find peace in the future.

  301. says

    Sometimes I just feel like giving up, crawling back into the protective shell I used to inhabit and go back to ignoring the world. It would make no real difference to the world.

    TW Warning:
    I was raped as a child and the thing I learned from that was basically that when I complained about it, I was the one that became the problem and was eventually endlessly harassed. It happened around 8 or 9 years old. I was raped again (this time date raped) by an older man using drugs to get to me, same thing: I complained, nobody cared, no one listened, and of those that did, eventually I became the problem. Those rapes were pre-transition. I had one horribly forcible all night long rape by something that was…difficult to describe and was brutally traumatic. Rape is so tragic and what I learned early is that nobody cared that it ever happened to me. This culture is so badly messed up in so many ways, and it feels sickening to just think about those experiences. I feel so much despair, time for more music. I hate being like eight emotionally, god this developmental delay emotional developmental delay it’s like I can’t ignore trauma, ugh.

    It feels too much despair to think of now. ((hugs)) if you want. /gone mentally.

  302. says

    Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls

    7 June 2013 at 7:22 pm (UTC -5)

    It would make no real difference to the world.

    Except your describing your feeling and experiences teaches the rest of us not to be complacent.
    All I can say is I hope you find peace in the future.

    Thanks for saying this ((hugs)), I feel super spaced out atm. I am going to have curl up in a ball on my bed soon.

  303. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    For what it’s worth, right now, you don’t appear to have a gender to me at all; you appear to be agendered. I could be wrong of course, very easily in fact, but just the way you are describing how you see yourself sounds very neutrois/agendered to me.

    I’m…not sure.

    A few excerpts from a recent IM conversation on the topic:

    I don’t feel like I have much of a gender identity. Most of my relationship to the concept is driven by 1) being male-bodied, 2) being fairly horny, I think, and 3) trying to make my life easier without feeling actively dishonest. People talk about feeling like a MAN, or like a WOMAN, and I don’t get that. People tell me that they think a woman-identified female-bodied person in a dress is “more feminine” than a woman-identified female-bodied person in jeans and an A-shirt and I’m like “….” Like, I was completely blindsided by learning that even people who’ve ever had a critical thought about gender roles in their lives still feel this way.

    I….can sort of follow it as a sort of “story logic” and have even played around with that story logic in roleplay scenarios but it DOES NOT COMPUTE. And I mostly experience my own gender as something that’s pushed on me by other people. Assumptions about what I value, about my attitudes and perspectives and interests. Usually condescending. Spaces I’m shut out of, conversations I’m disinvited from, things I’m told I’m guilty for by association, “privileged” experiences I’m assured I’m lying about not having, things I COULDN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND, people who can’t ever fully trust me.</blockquote.

    Things that actually “seem” gendered (IE, “masculine” or “feminine” to me): body shape, reproductive function (including secondary ones like nursing), clothes that flatter typically male or female body shape, vocal tone, certain mannerisms. Um, “self-identification” I guess.The rest. “What?”

    With the gender roles, the way they’re imposed on me…it feels like the CATEGORY is wrong rather than the content. Like, it’s not “wait, I should have the other kit in my box.” It’s “WHY DOES THIS BOX EXIST?! D:”

    Outside of an explicitly sexual/attractional context, being gendered “male” makes me feel uneasy far more often than it feels comfortable. There are so many assumptions, and the ones that are constraining or actively hurtfully misrepresenting outnumber the ones that apply…and in turn, the ones that “well, yeah, but that could apply to ANYONE” outnumber the male-specific ones that apply, at least in my subjective experience. In an explicitly sexual context…um, physically I’m really not even slightly androgynous (aside from, well, partially reduced body hair development – and what I do have is, come to think of it, in a more “female-typical” coverage pattern O.o), possible actual mild gynecomastia above and beyond being overweight, and about 1/2″ worth of hypospadias, which I didn’t even realize meant I had an “intersex condition” until I was like 25, but I have a pronounced “apple” figure, male genitalia, broad shoulders, a fairly masculine facial structure, and put on muscle pretty easily). It doesn’t feel WRONG to me, though it doesn’t actively feel right either. I’m certainly jealous of what I hear about the kind of sensations that come with female genitalia, and I can sort of envision having them and it’s not uncomfortable to me…but I don’t have the sense that it’s “righter” than my current anatomy either. (Possibly TMI: in contexts where I can get all the “body” stuff out of the way – text-based pseudo-anonymous online interaction, basically – presenting as an androgynous (“tomboy”) woman, even/especially in a sexualized context, feels really comfortable, but I still don’t have a “this is REAL ME, my body doesn’t match” sense either).

    I also have a poor sense of how much self-disclosure is appropriate and an awareness that trans people have in the past often interpreted my own feelings about gender and my experiences as a variation of the cis-privileged “I don’t feel MY gender either, so why can’t you just let everything go?” facepalmism. So I don’t know where to go with this. Should I continue, later? :/

  304. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Also, apparently my anatomy and physical appearance almost only feel relevant in either a sexual or a “moving things with muscle power” context. I suppose that’s not typical either? o.O

  305. Funny Diva says

    Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom!

    Hey! You make a difference around here. I love reading your comments. I’d miss your voice very much.

    Now, please tell that Black Dog* to go pick on someone else for awhile.

    No offense to kind, cuddly black dogs. Just an allusion to Churchill…

  306. says

    Beatrice
    Depression lies, as other have noted. You’re not stupid, you’re not a bad person, and if you lack material success (Or for that matter the capacity to spend your time doing what you feel is meaningful), it is because the system is rigged to prevent anyone from getting there. As someone else noted, the billioniare oare a minuscule proportion of the popiulation, and their methods and existence actively leech away the possibility of success for the majority.

    JAL

    I have all the feels, I just don’t have all the spoons.

    I know that song, alright. *hugs* and hope that things improve for you.
    sleepingwytch
    *hugs* I wish I could do more

    Many of them are descended from Royal Houses, some ancient and forgotten like that of my own family.

    Yeah, along with about a third of Europe and the Americas. I’m descended from at least two that I know of; I fail to see why these dipshits think it makes them special.

    Ogvorbis
    *hugs*

    Azkyroth

    Also, apparently my anatomy and physical appearance almost only feel relevant in either a sexual or a “moving things with muscle power” context. I suppose that’s not typical either?

    It doesn’t appear to be, although that certainly sounds familiar to me.

  307. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    It would make no real difference to the world.

    To this tiny piece of it, it makes a difference.

  308. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    Nerd, Funny Diva, Dalillama and Jackie:

    Thanks. I know it is depression talking right now. Been on a real roller coaster — up, down, up, now down again. At least I know that, when I let myself trigger, the depression will follow close on its heals — being aware helps make it a little shorter.

    sleepingwytch:

    Safe hugs and dreamless sleep for you. I am so sorry you went through that. Be safe.

  309. says

    sleepingwytch
    *hugs* I wish I could do more

    Many of them are descended from Royal Houses, some ancient and forgotten like that of my own family.

    Yeah, along with about a third of Europe and the Americas. I’m descended from at least two that I know of; I fail to see why these dipshits think it makes them special.

    Monarchism, is by my estimation, a system initiated by intelligent drone and or AI Construct lifeforms far more highly evolved than we are that are located in what’s known as “Hell” traditionally. They designed, genetically, certain people for Monarchism. I could be really wrong on this, but my life experiences indicate there really are things of this sort directing Monarchism of various sort under various guises: http://pastebin.com/9Gs02VRQ
    Ofc if I am wrong then hopefully some nice seizure medication will help some day, or something like this. It’s possible I’m wrong, anyone can hallucinate anything, even going back to childhood like I have with these drones off and on. They (TFP) think they are chosen by God and the Virgin Mary, little do they realize who, or what, is directing them..much less why or what for..They’re pawns on a chessboard, and little more than that. They’ll never realize what’s actually going on or what they’re being used by and the extent they’re being used.

    And no, I don’t expect you to believe any of that, it’s just my current interpretation. A better interpretation, is, of course, anti-seizure medication fixing all of it.

    Thanks for the hugs (((Hugs))).

    Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty

    7 June 2013 at 8:38 pm (UTC -5)

    It would make no real difference to the world.

    To this tiny piece of it, it makes a difference.

    Thank you, that was my dispair talking. I curled up on my bed for an hour and went in and out of a mild anxiety attack and dissociation. Such is life.

    @Azkyroth

    That’s very interesting stuff you’ve shared here, I will have to look more at it. For now:

    (Possibly TMI: in contexts where I can get all the “body” stuff out of the way – text-based pseudo-anonymous online interaction, basically – presenting as an androgynous (“tomboy”) woman, even/especially in a sexualized context, feels really comfortable, but I still don’t have a “this is REAL ME, my body doesn’t match” sense either).

    So the hypospadias means you have an intersexed condition. Klinefelter’s, which is what I have, is a form of intersexed condition, due to XXY chromosomes and the resultant female hair patterns. That’s separate from me being transsexual though.

    It seems what you are describing here is a trans/GQ understanding of yourself, but labels can be cumbersome. Let me put it to you this way: let’s say you DID present as an androgynous “tomboy” woman in your everyday life. Guess what? You’re no less trans than I am. Sure you may have not had the extreme experiences in life that I had, but that’s not what makes someone trans/GQ…What makes you trans is if you split away from your assigned sex at birth and insist you are someone than what others commonly think/insist you are. So, tbh, if that’s how you see yourself inside and you presented that way even just some of the time (not 24/7), I’d have no qualms calling you transgendered. From what you are describing that sounds like an androgynous presenting transwoman if I’m reading it correctly.

    (((Hugs))) Because you like them =)

  310. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Nerd, Funny Diva, Dalillama and Jackie:

    Just remember, like Frasier Crane, we’re listening. Vent away, no judgments other than you are are a good person.
    *speaking of which your bar tab is way into the positive. You and the good woman you share your life with need to lower that…*

  311. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    no judgments other than you are are a good person.

    Depression says otherwise. Of course, depression lies. But those lies are so easy to believe.

    *speaking of which your bar tab is way into the positive. You and the good woman you share your life with need to lower that…*

    Wife almost never drinks. Compared to her, I’m a heavy drinker. I had two beers this week. Which makes it a total of two beers for the month. Better slow down.

  312. says

    Hey everyone,
    Thanks for the well wishes. The operation went… okay. Got stuck in the hospital a day longer than I initially anticipated, but I’m home and resting now. So, besides the nausea from the painkillers, things could be worse.

  313. says

    Sleepingwytch
    I don’t mean this as an attack on you in any sense, nor do I deny that you genuinely have the experiences which you are describing, whatever the source of said experiences, so, if this is a problem for you, I’ll stop. That said, I am inclined to think that at least some of those experiences may have led you to incorrect conclusions both by adding inaccurate information (from what you’ve said earlier in this thread, it’s clear that your family presented you with a vast array of blantantly incorrect information during your childhood, and regardless of whether the entities you hear in your head are internal or external, they are also clearly prone to lying like hell (As I noted earlier, I’ve known many people who experience such interactions, and all agree that the (maybe) entities involved are generally not to be trusted. This is especially true if they appear to be identified as entities cognate to established divine figures; even a casual glance at pretty much any culture’s theology shows that gods are lying manipulative fuckheads, by and large)), and by preventing the intake of accurate information. Note that this is true of everyone to some degree; we all sometimes come to wrong conclusions due to previous experiences priming us with inaccurate/irrelevant info and denying us correct and relevant info.

    Monarchism, is by my estimation, a system initiated by intelligent drone and or AI Construct lifeforms far more highly evolved than we are that are located in what’s known as “Hell” traditionally.

    Just for starters, the bolded phrase is pretty much meaningless; anyone claiming that they (or anything) is ‘more highly evolved’ is trying to peddle some kind of scam or snake oil.

    They designed, genetically, certain people for Monarchism.

    Unless you mean that some people are genetically inclined to follow a monarch, I think history pretty much conclusively disproves this one, given that on the whole monarchs tend to be at best vaguely competent, and when they’re actually allowed to run things themselves rather than by a coterie of people who actually have a clue the results tend to be pretty shitty for all concerned.

    They (TFP) think they are chosen by God and the Virgin Mary,

    Hell, that doesn’t make ‘em special; once again, that puts them up there with basically every far-right fanatic from a European cultural background. They all think they’ve got the Divine Right.

    They’re pawns on a chessboard, and little more than that. They’ll never realize what’s actually going on or what they’re being used by and the extent they’re being used.

    Honestly, from your description of the group, I’d be inclined to say that pawns would be a step up in the world for them.

    Alexandra
    Good to hear things went well.

  314. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Wife almost never drinks. Compared to her, I’m a heavy drinker. I had two beers this week. Which makes it a total of two beers for the month. Better slow down.

    We also have various forms of bacon sammiches/dinners, and even a vegetarian menu at the request of the Pullet Patrol.

  315. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Hey everyone,
    Thanks for the well wishes. The operation went… okay. Got stuck in the hospital a day longer than I initially anticipated, but I’m home and resting now. So, besides the nausea from the painkillers, things could be worse.

    As one with experience with shingles, keep an eye on when you notice you don’t need the pain killers at the initial intervals. Cut back as you feel appropriate. It’s a sign you’re getting better.

  316. mythbri says

    Threadrupt, but with something positive, I promise.

    My dad is one of my closest friends in the entire world. We talk about everything together, and I’ve always felt extremely lucky that I got to have him as a father. He is a kind, loving man, and works as a mental health counselor and counselor educator. Despite what I’m going to say next, he never bought into gay-curing therapy, and held himself to the highest ethical standards in his practice and teaching.

    I was raised in a very conservative religious environment. My dad was a religious conservative for most of his adult life, is still religious and he still identifies himself as a Republican.

    I remember him being opposed to openly gay teachers when I was about 15. When I was 17-18, he was opposed to marriage equality – he truly believed that it de-valued heterosexual marriages. When I was in my 20s, in college, he (being concerned that I had never been in a serious, long-term relationship) let me know awkwardly but gently that if I were a lesbian, he’d still love me no matter what (I’m not, but it was very sweet of him to say so).

    He later took a job at an online university with a very diverse faculty. One of his co-workers is a transwoman, and his working relationship with her fundamentally altered his perspective on sexuality, orientation and gender identity. I saw such a radical change in his attitude and perspective.

    He’s still very religious, but he calls out homophobia and transphobia when he hears it at his church. And last Sunday, June 2nd, he marched alongside his colleagues in the Pride Parade as part of the pro-LGBTQ psychiatrists group.

    I’m so proud of him. People can change.

  317. Jackie, Ms. Paper if ya nasty says

    mythbri,
    That’s wonderful. Let’s hope others pay attention to the example he sets in his place of worship.

  318. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    Audley:

    Great news!

    Alexandra:

    Great news!

    (are you trying for a double grog ration?)

    Mythbri:

    Wonderful.

    =====

    Bruins win. On to the Stanly Cup!

    Off to bed.

  319. says

    Honestly, from your description of the group, I’d be inclined to say that pawns would be a step up in the world for them.

    I know, it’s just, I was more referring to this:

    http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Latin_America/Villains_Afoot_COTP.html

    Vigilante Squads
    Though dangerous, the Fatherland and Liberty fanatics were less influential than their counterparts in the Chilean branch of a right-wing Catholic movement known as Tradition, Family, and Property (TFP), principally because TFP’s militants had an intellectual base that appealed to a large number of officers in the armed forces. Founded in the early 1960s by the Brazilian philosopher Plinio Correa de Oliveira, TFP has followers in most Latin American countries, including Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, and l Brazil. While akin in some respects to twentieth-century fascism, particularly to Mussolini’s corporate state, TFP is really a throwback to eighteenth-century Europe, as yet untouched by the French Revolution, when the Catholic Church defended aristocratic privilege as a divine right. Indeed, TFP’s insignia is a medieval lion. Most of its members are from the wealthy, propertied classes and yearn for an earlier time when the Latin-American Church upheld the right of a few patrones to rule a mass of peons.
    TFP’s first commandment is the utter sanctity of private property, and in countries with progressive bishops, such as Chile and Brazil, this has forced it into repeated clashes with the hierarchy on the issue of agrarian reform. The movement’s members tend to be narrow-minded nationalists with a xenophobic reaction to any suggestion by foreigners that there might be something wrong with their country, particularly if the government is running the country for the benefit of the wealthy, as in Pinochet’s Chile. They are also blindly anti-communist, seeing subversion in anything remotely resembling reform, and are convinced that reds lurk everywhere in Latin America’s new, socially conscious Church. Thus TFP divides the Catholic Church into “our” Church, which is a class Church, rooted in another century, and “their” Church, which is a classless Church and therefore subversive.
    While the organization exists primarily to maintain the privileges of the rich, that goal has been disguised by jargon about “degenerate political systems,” which TFP claims have caused the Western countries to succumb to Marxist penetration. Society is to be purified, along the lines of Mussolini’s corporate state, by replacing traditional political parties with special-interest groups, to which people are assigned according to job and social class. This is supposed to produce a society in which everyone knows his place and is happy to keep it. What TFP doesn’t say is that its model of government effectively nullifies any social or economic gains made by Latin America’s middle and lower classes.
    TFP’s activities in Chile, Brazil, and elsewhere are an important part of the CIA story in Latin America, because its members were the intellectual and financial backers of military coups supported by the agency. After the military took over, TFP members and fellow travelers were active in these regimes’ persecution of the Catholic Church, as in the case of police agent Adolfo Centeno and the smear campaign against priests and bishops in Uruguay. In some countries-Brazil, for example, where TFP established a series of training camps near Rio de Janeiro- members were instructed by the Army and the police, who, in turn, received military training and political orientation from the CIA, the Pentagon, and AID. But there were still closer ties: in Chile and Brazil the evidence points to both financial and political links between TFP and the CIA in plotting the overthrow of the Allende and Goulart governments.
    When it supported right-wing Catholic groups, the CIA had principally in mind the political objective of removing left-wing governments by military intervention, but one result of the collaboration was to strengthen such organizations as TFP, which emerged as religious vigilante squads for the military regimes. Thus the CIA could be accused-and was accused by a number of prominent Catholic leaders, including Brazil’s Archbishop Helder Camara-of inciting one sector of the Church to attack another. Moreover, in some countries, Bolivia being one, this collaboration extended to persecution of U.S. citizens when the CIA provided military governments and right-wing Catholic organizations with confidential dossiers on American priests and nuns.
    A good example of TFP’s connections with both the CIA and the military is the branch in Chile, which supplied the Chilean armed forces with a social philosophy-the generals had none – and a religious basis for the regime’s political witch-hunts.
    p296
    In the last months of the Allende government, TFP, the gremios, Fatherland and Liberty, and other right-wing opposition groups merged in a common front. The National Agriculture Society, for example, was controlled by Fatherland and Liberty and received CIA funds through an organization called the Congress for Cultural Liberty. The society, in turn, worked with the Association of Manufacturers, whose president, Orlando Saenz, was one of the directors of the TFP-backed gremios as well as a secret leader of Fatherland and Liberty. A month before the coup Saenz publicly thanked the president of the Agriculture Society for “the services lent earlier by you to our cause.” Both groups had close ties with El Mercurio, Santiago’s largest newspaper, which was financed by the CIA and used as an outlet for anti-Allende propaganda, according to U. S. Senate investigations. They also shared important Brazilian connections. Fatherland and Liberty obtained arms from Brazil through a Chilean coffee-importing firm which brought in, via the port of Valparaiso, crates of guns disguised as raw material for the manufacture of instant coffee. Saenz was in close touch with the financial and ideological backers of Brazil’s TFP, which had been in at the kill of Goulart’s regime. (Several of the tactics used in Chile were tested by TFP in Brazil. With CIA help, TFP sponsored in Sao Paulo a march of several thousand middle- and upper-class women that was psychologically crucial to the coup ten days later. Similarly, women’s groups sponsored by TFP and Fatherland and Liberty held their largest demonstration five days before Allende’s overthrow.
    U.S. congressional investigations have established that the CIA spent $13 million to thwart Allende, but with some exceptions, such as El Mercurio and Fatherland and Liberty, details of how the money was allocated have not been revealed. How much the CIA gave the TFP may never be known, but there are numerous links between the two organizations, particularly through Fatherland and Liberty, in addition to an established connection in the campaign to discredit the country’s Catholic Church.

  320. says

    They (TFP) think they are chosen by God and the Virgin Mary,

    Hell, that doesn’t make ‘em special; once again, that puts them up there with basically every far-right fanatic from a European cultural background. They all think they’ve got the Divine Right.

    I agree, it does not make them special, in the slightest in fact. Neither am I special. I am referencing the experiences I had, which if you’ve followed those experiences and those links fastidiously, which apparently you have failed to do, you would realize that it boils down to me being genetically engineered at some point by an evil drone and or AI Construct which is what we traditionally call demons, which evil drone and AI construct plan to wipe out humanity using Religion and Genetically Engineered Monarchs. That doesn’t make me special, that makes me Evil.

    Monarchism, is by my estimation, a system initiated by intelligent drone and or AI Construct lifeforms far more highly evolved than we are that are located in what’s known as “Hell” traditionally.

    Just for starters, the bolded phrase is pretty much meaningless; anyone claiming that they (or anything) is ‘more highly evolved’ is trying to peddle some kind of scam or snake oil.

    I am not here to peddle snake oil, I am here to try to make sense out of experiences I’ve had, that were very traumatic experiences. I too hope they’re “all in my head”, so it’s not a non-falsifiable proposition, it’s just how I experienced it. I’m sorry you feel so threatened by that, but again, these were traumatic experiences. If you feel this is not true, I’m going to have to ask you to stop gaslighting me.

    Thank you.

  321. says

    I don’t mean this as an attack on you in any sense, nor do I deny that you genuinely have the experiences which you are describing, whatever the source of said experiences, so, if this is a problem for you, I’ll stop.

    I think it’s starting to step into attack territory. There’s a difference between someone trying to interpret their experiences and humbly admitting they could be wrong and hallucinating, and someone selling snake oil. I think it would be wise that you should acknowledge that difference before I interpret this as an attack.

    It’s perfectly possible I am wrong, and if so then the neurologists will help me, that does not mean you should look to paint me as selling snakeoil. There’s a difference between traumatic experiences and selling people something, and, it’s pretty much always the case that someone making a falsifiable proposition about something like this is not trying to sell people anything, they’re just trying to keep it together and keep from losing it even more.

    It’s ridiculously compelling for me, I suggest now then you look up the definition of a delusion if you want to continue to have honest discussion with me. Thanks.

  322. cicely says

    Dalillama, here’s a big *hug*—break off a piece for D, ‘mkay?
    Good wishes for you and your household.
    -
    Beatrice: Watch out! It sounds like Depression is creeping up on you.
    You are not stupid. You are far from stupid. And I doubt that you are an Epic-Level Failure, either.
    After all, you’re not a Republican Congresscritter, are you? A Televangelist? Something of that Failure-As-A-Human-Being ilk?
    Also, what rq said at 351.
     
    Here’s Invisible Harp Kitten to cheer you up.
    -

  323. says

    Which is to say exactly this: If you really believe I am delusional about this, then accusing me of “selling snakeoil” makes you the liar actually; if I am really delusional, how could I tell the experiences were created in my head? In order to “sell snakeoil” one has to have prior knowledge something is false.

    Stop attacking me.

  324. says

    Remember the teeth gnashing over Adria Richards shaming the Dongle Boys on Twitter, social media shaming may be around for a while:
    ” If this is your husband,” wrote a Facebook user on Wednesday, “I have endured a 2 hour train ride from Philadelphia listening to this loser and his friends brag about their multiple affairs and how their wives are too stupid to catch on. Oh please repost …” And people did —the post currently has over 27,000 shares.

    The “if this is your husband” pic is just the latest. In a long line of public shamings on social media, the latest and most controversial being a tweet by programmer and tech evangelist Adria Richards.”
    [...]

    However…Salon, WTF:
    ” There is, of course, one check to all this: backlash. Richards felt it to a disturbing and unwarranted degree; the husband poster doesn’t appear to have felt it yet. But those who publicly shame others now open themselves up to public shaming too. Twitter and Facebook are developing informal mores and codes of conduct, just like trains and other public places in the real world. Whether we like these codes is another question: They can be as harsh and as unjust as anything humans develop to police each other. But increasingly, they’re codes we’ll have to reckon with.”
    [Emphasis mine]

    In an article discussing social media as a vehicle for shaming inappropriate conduct, why is the comparison made between Husband/Bragger of Cheating and Adria Richards/Shamer of Dongle Boys?
    Plus, a missed opportunity to discuss why men don’t receive the same type of online insults that women do.

  325. says

    @Dalillama

    You are certainly correct that I am to be suspicious of what I am told by these things, and indeed, had you read what I wrote in the link, you would see I indeed said this myself. I agree these things are liars, whether it’s the remnants of childhood abuse creating traumatic hallucinations or they are djinn/drones.

    Regardless they are liars and not to be trusted. They didn’t tell me all of this, I pieced it together mostly trying to figure out what it could be. That’s not the same as it being the same thing I think it is.

  326. says

    Mythbri:
    It is so nice to hear about people like your father. I’m glad that you two have the relationship you do.
    Fathers Day coming up, I’ve been thinking how to make pop feel special. Last year I told him that I used to not want to be like him, but as I got older I saw great wisdom in many of his words and discovered so much to admire in him. Telling him all that really made his Fathers Day.

    I’m thinking of writing a letter thanking them for introducing me to critical thinking at a young age, as well as not accepting what you’re told as truth. I have a feeling those lessons contributed to my atheism and humanism.

  327. says

    Sleepingwytch
    In that case, I’m sorry. I realize that intent is not magic, and that my words were harmful despite my intentions, and for that you have my full and sincere apology. It is quite likely that I misread, misinterpreted, or simply missed some of the things you’ve said about this matter; my focus is not the best at the moment. So, I will now drop the matter entirely, except to apologize again.

  328. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Dalillama: *hugs* Hope things are any amount better.

    Lysander: Nice to meet you! I’m glad you’re getting some of the benefit of this awesome place :)

    rq: I almost got the stuff to make your spaghetti recipe (thanks!) but then Cousin called and suggested a pizza place my grandma is nostaligic about that’s still here from when she lived here in the 50s and 60s. Crisis solved!

    I think it was opposablethumbs that suggested flowers for the table, I love the idea and forgot to buy some ^_^

    I feel a little socially overstimulated (diagnosed anxiety doesn’t help a whole lot) but I’m keeping it together and they are all low maintenance people. I hadn’t met Cousin’s Husband before today even though I went to the wedding, and he is a very personable guy, easy to have around. Good evening all around.

    I know I missed a lot that I wanted to answer, so I’ll just leave a pile of hugs and put myself to bed.

  329. says

    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    7 June 2013 at 10:26 pm (UTC -5)

    Sleepingwytch
    In that case, I’m sorry. I realize that intent is not magic, and that my words were harmful despite my intentions, and for that you have my full and sincere apology. It is quite likely that I misread, misinterpreted, or simply missed some of the things you’ve said about this matter; my focus is not the best at the moment. So, I will now drop the matter entirely, except to apologize again.

    Thank you, I too hope I’m delusional and suffering traumatic hallucinations from seizures or if not that some other cause in my head. I most certainly would prefer this be all in my head and be a delusion than that Humanity should parish and I and other evil people be a part of such an evil scheme by robotic drones/AI Constructs.

    I very much wish so for my head to create it, as it’s very evil to even grasp it, and I hope I’m merely a lunatic. That would be quite comforting to get this trauma fixed I suspect. It sure beats my perceptions being trustworthy, Humanity to be doomed, I and other Monarchs to be Evil for aiding this, and these beings harassing me in my head and physically and sexually for the rest of my life. I want the trauma to stop, I am with you.

    ((hugs)) if I can get them. Thanks for trying to be more understanding.

  330. says

    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    7 June 2013 at 10:37 pm (UTC -5)

    *hugs* back.

    Thank you, I’m breathing much easier now that you said that. (((soft-hugs)) again. Thanks /zoning out

  331. John Morales says

    sleepingwytch,

    Regardless they are liars and not to be trusted. They didn’t tell me all of this, I pieced it together mostly trying to figure out what it could be. That’s not the same as it being the same thing I think it is.
    [...]
    Thank you [Dalillama], I too hope I’m delusional and suffering traumatic hallucinations from seizures or if not that some other cause in my head. I most certainly would prefer this be all in my head and be a delusion than that Humanity should parish and I and other evil people be a part of such an evil scheme by robotic drones/AI Constructs.

    Frankly, either way, you have to cope with (and hopefully eventually overcome) those liars; it is moot whether they are external to you or not since either way the only way you can achieve that is by changing yourself.

    (At the very worst, you’ll perfect your coping mechanisms. That’s the you that’s figured those things out, of course)

  332. yazikus says

    @Portia

    I think it was opposablethumbs that suggested flowers for the table, I love the idea and forgot to buy some ^_^

    I think it might have been me? *sheepish smile
    It works out anyway. I’d love to have fresh flowers every day. I wish you the best with your weekend of guests, I have my own coming up soon, and am anxious about it. I start cleaning my house, and then I see dust on the door frame, and dog hair on the trim, and books, how could they get so dusty??? And I go into a downward cycle, seeing everything that my mother would have found dirty (she liked the white glove treatment). But really, friends don’t care. They don’t see that. So I wish you a most gregarious, friendly, and fun filled weekend, without stress. Your guests are going to have a great time.

  333. cicely says

    asking incessantly “who abused you as a child”.

    By your description…he did. Obviously.
    But I presume he meant, sexually abused. ‘Cause there is no other kind. From what you posted later, I gather that you tried to tell him…and he (and others) refused to listen.
    -
    Hi, Lysander; welcome, whether as a one-time visitor or as a regular. Or somewhere in between.
    And if you accept cyberhugs from total strangers you “meet” on the Interwebs….*hugs*.
    -

    It’s awesome knowing you guys are so excited to see me when I drop in, even though I contribute like nothing.

    Except that you do contribute, like something. I’ve seen your comments in many contentious threads where/when it just gets so. damned. depressing. to read that…I can’t, and I flee. You’re braver than I am!
    And you contribute more of actual substance.
    -

    Dude, you guys are, like, a big fuzzy virtual security blanket.

    Only snarkier.
    :D
    -

    Sometimes I just feel like giving up, crawling back into the protective shell I used to inhabit and go back to ignoring the world. It would make no real difference to the world.

    Except that it would make a gaping, Ogvorbis-sized hole in the world.
    This would be Unacceptable.
    We would miss you. And people who think that they are all alone in the world with their traumas, who think that there’s no one out there who could possibly understand, would be left that much more alone, without your tangible presence.
    If you see what I mean.
    *hugpile*
     

    But those lies are so easy to believe.

    Again, Depression knows just where to stick the knife. It’s all very personal/personalized.
    Plausible Believability ≠ True.
    -
    *careful, gentle hugs* for Alexandra. I hope you have a speedy, trouble-free recovery.
    -
    Sister1 has relinquished the remnant of her Republican identity. Yay!
    -
    mythbri, kudos to your dad! So many conservative/religious people will not change their views, regardless of any evidence that contradicts them.
    I think you should keep him!
    -

  334. Menyambal --- son of a son of a bachelor says

    Ogvorbis, I like your stories and I like your writing. I like you being here. *hug*

  335. rq says

    Ogvorbis
    *hugs* and you’re awesome. I’m going to keep repeating that to counter your depression.

    mythbri
    Your dad is just awesome, and I’m so glad he’s been capable of change in a positive way! You are so lucky.

    Portia
    *fewf* on the pizza option. ;) I hope the weekend goes smoothly and that everyone has fun, and most of all – that they don’t make too much of a mess upon leaving! ;)

    Dalilama and Lysander
    More *hugs* for you!
    One day there will be less stress for you. I hope. I really hope.

    +++

    Depression is a Liar!
    (That’s for everyone who needs the reminder.)

  336. says

    http://www.2ndcouncilhouse.co.uk/blog/2013/06/05/and-then-they-came-for-the-trans-people/

    On the 30th of May, a new group of undesirables was identified. Trans gender people. For the last week, daily raids have been taking place in Thessaloniki, Greece’s second largest city. Under the pretense that of checking that the person is not involved in the sex industry trans people are being rounding up and arrested. Their details are taken and they are detained for several hours. On release they are warned that if they did not “return to normal” they would be arrested for public indecency.

    This in a first world country. When will the coercion stop? Arrested for public indecency for merely being oneself? How is this “freedom”?

    http://planetransgender.blogspot.com/2013/03/ngos-urge-japan-halt-forced.html

    This in a first world country.

    Also, in many countries, transgender people are required to undergo sterilization before gaining legal recognition of their gender.”

    Forced sterilization. How is this freedom?

    These are disgraces.

  337. says

    By your description…he did. Obviously.
    But I presume he meant, sexually abused. ‘Cause there is no other kind. From what you posted later, I gather that you tried to tell him…and he (and others) refused to listen.

    My mother sexually abused me multiple times throughout me growing up. I do not remember exactly when but I think she started in childhood.

    I didn’t have the heart to tell my father this. I just couldn’t do it. Also, since he was such an asshole to be asking who sexually abused me after he abused me far worse by how he was striking me systematically and viciously, I felt like I would be playing to his psychopathy to even admit to him mother had abused me sexually.

  338. says

    John Morales said:

    Frankly, either way, you have to cope with (and hopefully eventually overcome) those liars; it is moot whether they are external to you or not since either way the only way you can achieve that is by changing yourself.

    (At the very worst, you’ll perfect your coping mechanisms. That’s the you that’s figured those things out, of course)

    This is correct John, thank you for pointing this out. I must find ways to ignore the liars in my heads, whatever their origin. You are quite correct in this analysis, thank you much for pointing this out simply and succinctly. I feel exhausted and spaced out very much. ((hug))

  339. rq says

    Azkyroth
    I have some *hugs* for you, if you want.

    I think I have some *extra hugs* lying around, too, for everyone else.

    +++

    A friend of mine just offered to do my astrological chart (or whatever you call it) to see what the most Auspicious time would be to register myself as self-employed. I’m wondering whether to take him up on the offer; on the one hand, I don’t want to support such woo (he’s a professoinal astrologist, but how that works, don’t ask me!), but on the other – I’m kind of curious about the outcome, and what kinds of things he/the chart will tell me.

  340. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    Thank you all for your nice words and your support.

  341. billingtondev says

    Hi Lounge Folks,

    I have posted here maybe half a dozen times before – but have been lurking for a while.
    Shit – now I don’t know what to say….
    Thing is – I think you folk give really good advice and amazing support to each other. And I’d quite like some support right now. I don’t have a lot on RL.
    But just dropping in unannounced as a stranger and asking for that seems – well a bit presumptuous.

    So – I arrived at FTB as a life long atheist and after hearing about the whole elevator-gate debacle. And have followed the ensuing godawfulness ever since. I can’t even think of what to say about all of that. I have nothing but admiration for people like Ophelia, Stephanie, Rebecca, etc etc who are coping with all this shit and not backing down. That is amazing right there.

    I am worried about my 26 year old daughter who I think may be having a depressive episode now. She had a fairly serious illness in early 2012 and I think this probably part of the aftermath of that. I think I am doing ok re supporting her at the mo – but know that if I’m gonna have to go on doing that – I need to look after myself as well. And having somewhere to talk about it where I trust the folks I’m talking to might be a good thing.

    Ok – I think I’m done for now.
    I’ll appreciate any response – and hope maybe I can be helpful to others as well.
    Thanks.

  342. says

    Thank you all for your nice words and your support.

    You are quite welcome Beatrice.

    rq

    8 June 2013 at 1:34 am (UTC -5)

    Azkyroth
    I have some *hugs* for you, if you want.

    I think I have some *extra hugs* lying around, too, for everyone else.

    ((hugs))) rq, thank you so much =)

    Also, (((hugs))) for Azkyroth. :+)

    Finally regarding the former Navy Seal transwoman, I just realized she’s early in her transition, so it’s impossible to tell how femme/girly her mannerisms will be in, say, a year or two from now, or even just 3 months. Those things can change for some of us, and get way, way more femme, as we relax our guard and allow ourselves to be more and more ourself. I know it did to a good degree for me when I started partial transition like 2 and a half years ago. I’ve since been transitioned full time now for almost 2 years (full time transition 9/11/11) but I know it took me a loooonnnggg time to be able to relax enough and by myself enough to become this super girly femme woman I am (in some, not all ways) today.

  343. says

    billingtondev

    Welcome! and (((hugs))). Sorry to hear about your daughter, I am usually very consumed in my own issues, but many here who are more available (for various reasons) than I am should be able to talk to you and help you sort this out more. Also, I have never been a parent even though I helped raise my six brothers and sisters, so I imagine there are others more qualified in that department as well.

    -Alice

  344. billingtondev says

    Sleepingwytch & John Morales: Thanks!
    John M – you have a good memory! That doesn’t surprise me :-)
    Just had a txt from daughter – she wants to come and stay the night at my place. That’s quite a big deal. That tells me things are maybe not so good. Also that I probly won’t be around to reply further tonight…
    Thankyou!

  345. says

    rq

    8 June 2013 at 1:34 am (UTC -5)

    A friend of mine just offered to do my astrological chart (or whatever you call it) to see what the most Auspicious time would be to register myself as self-employed. I’m wondering whether to take him up on the offer; on the one hand, I don’t want to support such woo (he’s a professoinal astrologist, but how that works, don’t ask me!), but on the other – I’m kind of curious about the outcome, and what kinds of things he/the chart will tell me.

    That sounds like it could be some fun if you find ways to playfully trick him. I once knew some pagan people years ago, very nice people I think; very kind, caring, and compassionate, but strange I think.

    For them being a wytch was like a choice, or some magical ritual you said, whether newschool or oldschool rites/rituals. For me, being a wytch was never a choice nor about it: the possessions came whether I wanted them to or not, regardless of what I believed or did not believe.

    I remember one of them once asked me “Do you think you can control the weather with your mind?”, to which I replied “No, I think not, I am an Atheist”. When they asked then why I was there, I told them of my possession experiences.

    Tis odd to be around people practicing Wicca and they have little clue how traditional *Actual Witches* have possession experiences that have nothing to do with what they believe or don’t believe in as much they occur regardless, are gripping, terrifying, and often wind up with the Witch killed alongside many innocent people who are suspected hysterically of the same sorts of things *(though they usually suffer not from those things).

    I’ve talked to people about astrology before. It’s marvelously vague stuff, sometimes impressively so. One gets the impression it could apply to anyone which I suspect is the general point to it.

  346. says

    This is really random and dumb, but it’s bothering me.

    There’s this book I read in high school, assigned reading, and I remember it being really good, but I can’t remember the title of the book, much less the name of the author.

    It was set in Florida. The Russians had dropped The Bomb, and there was this town (or half-town) of survivors. People died. A lot. I remember one woman died from radiation from jewelry she’d gone and scavenged. And it ended with a primitive appendectomy on the boy-child of one of the main characters.

    Is this ringing any bells for anyone?

  347. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    Oh damn, John beat me to it. I went a different route and looked at the wiki list of nuclear holocaust fiction since if you read it in school, it’s probably popular/widely known/ not indie etc. So if Alas, Babylon isn’t it, it might be somewhere else on that list.

  348. Nick Gotts says

    I was planning to go to “Empowering Women Through Secularism” in Dublin, but I’ve decided not to. The trigger for my decision was an invitation to a workshop on non-market forms of value in Marseilles – not a direct clash of dates, and some of my costs will be paid, but I had to consider whether I could afford both, and whether I wanted two long trips (I don’t fly) close together. In doing so, I realised I wasn’t actually looking forward to Dublin much – certainly not enough to justify the £500-ish it would cost – for which, primarily, blame Michael Nugent of Atheist Ireland, whose “bridge-building” efforts are just giving the misogynist trolls shelter. The title “Empowering Women Through Secularism” just looks like a bad joke at present.

  349. says

    N S F W (Contains some nude imagery)

    Geez, does Catholic guilt infect their every thought?
    I can’t even enjoy watching a new gay porn star.
    This guys quits because of his “deeply held” Catholic beliefs.

    ” A little less than a year ago, I began a short but intense career in the adult entertainment industry. There were lots of factors that lead me to that place at that time. Many of those factors I am only now beginning to understand. What is undeniable is that, despite the factors which contributed to that decision, that decision was my decision and I am responsible for having made it. I am responsible for the effects and consequences of my actions. I was not forced, coerced, or tricked into doing pornography. I was not economically destitute or without other options.

    I had low self-esteem, I was depressed, I felt I had nothing to lose and I did not fear or care about the consequences of my actions. My choice was arrogant and it was selfish. I hurt people as a result of the choice that I made. I hurt my family. I hurt my friends. I hurt my brothers and former colleagues in the police department in which I served and the religious order of which I was a member. I hurt the men with whom I filmed pornography through my participation in theindustry and I hurt the countless people who have seen what I did and who will see it. I take full responsibility for my decision. I accept the consequences, both known and unknown, of my decision. With a contrite and broken heart I ask the mercy and forgiveness of those who were hurt by my involvement in the pornographic industry.”

    All the people he hurt? He hurt his brother? Countless people in the industry, as well as viewers?
    Dude, seriously, you had sex for a living. You probably made some good money. The personal guilt you feel notwithstanding, watching you have sex on tv does not magically transfer your misplaced guilt. Unless your family somehow was involved in the having of gay sex and did not luke it, this overwrought melodrama about people being hurt by your consenting activities is harmful. Too many people feel guilt about sex (of any sort). That leads to not communucating between sexual partners about your likes and dislikes or, for some a puritanical view that uses sex to build a quiverfull of children.
    Sex is a good thing.
    Sex is a fun activity for human and lots of species on this planet.
    Leave the guilt at the door.
    All you need is consent from all legal parties involved.

    That out of the way, this guy is so deep in guilt he doesn’t realize he just insulted vietually everyone involved in the industry. Toward the end of the articl he says:
    ” He adds that his only advice for anyone who wants to be a porn star is simply “not to do it…ever,” even if that means having to work at “Starbucks or the GAP.” Ironically, Genesis appeared in pornos with both of those titles.*”

    Lovely. Shaming people who work in the service industry.
    Hey, dude! Your guilt is yours. No one else’s. Stop trying to spread that shit.

  350. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    434
    cicely

    It’s awesome knowing you guys are so excited to see me when I drop in, even though I contribute like nothing.

    Except that you do contribute, like something. I’ve seen your comments in many contentious threads where/when it just gets so. damned. depressing. to read that…I can’t, and I flee. You’re braver than I am!
    And you contribute more of actual substance.

    D’awww! Thank you, that means a lot.
    =====
    =====
    Separate note, I jumped on helping with WMDKitty’s book question because I’ve SO been there. There’s several books that I couldn’t find until randomly stumbling upon them later (usually much later) or I just got better with searching and more into book places online.

    Like I could not for the life of me figure out/find Making the Run, but somehow ran into it while on Goodreads. It was an awesome OMG THAT’S THE BOOK! moment. I was 12 or 13 when I read it, so it left an impression. Especially since I couldn’t believe my school library, which was 5th-8th grade) would have a book with drugs and sex scenes and not being totally shaming and the protagonist running the fuck away from her small town. I grew up in a small town where everyone just stayed and did all the same shit so reading about someone being different and getting out was great.

    Man, I wish I could thank my librarian. She was just so awesome. Too bad I didn’t really grasp that while growing up. I don’t think she’d still be working there after all this time and it really saddens me that the kids growing up now might have a more conservative librarian.

  351. says

    Billingtondev:
    I recall you as well.
    I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with depression.
    And by all means, please feel free to hang out here as often as you desire. It is no intrusion and we are happy to have you. Many of us struggle with various issues and there are always voices around to offer support and compassion.

  352. rq says

    Tony
    Day-um, now I’m sad he quit! Stupid religion.

    sleepingwych
    Yeah, astrology can be fun. I was into it a lot with my Best Friend when we were younger (read: high school), so I know this and that, and I’m curious to see how the professional side of it works. I think I’m going to go for it, and share results / my opinions here. :)

    JAL
    I also enjoy your contributions here.

    And I forgot to express my happiness that Alexandra‘s operation went well (even if hospital stay was a bit longer than expected). Yay modern medicine!

    And for opposablethumbs – sorry if my conversation to you is a bit monotonous at the moment, but since you mentioned you like black flowers and I seem to have some, they have a whole new meaning and excitement for me, entirely due to you! (Thanks!) In any event, I’m going to take a photo later this afternoon, but there’s another deep purple/black iris that is even darker than the one I posted yesterday. Fingers crossed it will look like that in the sun, too!

  353. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    I’ve been up and listening to the Yo, is this racist? podcast working backwards. I just got to this one Running Through Marriages in Thailand. I seriously had to stop listening to it. Jane said it was sexist to assume/act like those women don’t have any agency and are being taken advantage of. I was just fucking floored by that. A bit later she’s like “Well, what do you want them [the men] to do? Stay home and be lonely?” and I just shouted “YES!”. That’s when I just fucking quit listening. Seriously, there’s so much fucked up power dynamic in rich white guys going to Thailand to marry poor women. Not to mention the creepy fetish of wanting Asian women because they are (supposedly) submissive, weak, fill traditional roles and don’t be all “bitchy and uptight” like American women.

    Just EWWWWWWWWWWW. I don’t always agree with what he says, which is just so different from the website. He, at first, was like “OMG, that is so wrong. Of course it’s wrong.” but then he seems to just go all soft when his guest disagrees. I’m not liking that at all. Obviously, I couldn’t finish listening to that one (and it’s seriously killed my desire to listen to more (at least right now)) but that’s what happened in other episodes.

    There was also the very disturbing episode where a women guest made a joke about punching Ke$ha in the pussy and falling up to her shoulder. That was so fucking sexist and disgusting. It wasn’t even called out or anything but it was more “haha send your hate mail to me and not her, even though she made the joke.” And the woman replies with “Oh, what are people defensive about Ke$ha or something?”. I don’t give a fuck about Ke$ha. I can’t stand her or her music but I sure as hell hate slut shaming bullshit.

    That was more towards the beginning I think? I don’t know I’m kind of out it with being triggered and drinking to cope.

    Apparently, Ti is non-religious but doesn’t want to talk about it because of asshole non-religious people. I think he needs to find out about Atheism+.

  354. vaiyt says

    A bit later she’s like “Well, what do you want them [the men] to do? Stay home and be lonely?”

    “Do you know what a false dichotomy is?” was the first response that went through my mind.

  355. Beatrice (looking for a happy thought) says

    Some would say 14:40 is too early to be singing drunkenly. Not the group of men in the bar at the ground floor of my building.

    ————————-
    billingtondev,

    Hello.
    Depression sucks. It’s really good that you are aware of what your daughter is going through, and giving her your support. Don’t hesitate to hang around. As you said, you need to take care of yourself too, people here can help by at least listening to you.

  356. billingtondev says

    Ok – so daughter’s off to bed.
    Watched a bit of telly together, drank tea, chatted, tried to keep things light.
    Its walking on eggshells at the moment. Don’t touch the hurty parts. Slightest thing I say in the ‘wrong’ way gets snapped at.
    She says she is sick and tired of having no self control. She is worried about mucous in her stool. Illness last year affected the alimentary tract. There are things she knows she probably shouldn’t eat – but does anyway. Then beats herself up over it. Also has no tolerance for salt. Illness also damaged kidneys. Too much salt intake and the joints in her fingers and arms swell and the joints are painful. Salt is frickin EVERYWHERE!
    She needs to see the Dr – but she’s 26 – I can’t make her go. I said maybe it was time to go see him again? Snapped at and subject changed. Maybe I should insist? Maybe she would actually appreciate someone making the decision and making it happen? I don’t know…
    Stomach in a bit of a knot I’m afraid.
    But she’s here and that’s good.
    And I have a place to do a brain dump. Also good. :-)

  357. rq says

    billingtondev
    I honestly don’t know if any advice I may have is useful (is there anyone else she trusts? can you ask her to go because you’re worried? don’t insist yet (and don’t make the decision for her if she feels out-of-control already!), but maybe if a visit isn’t wanted, suggest a consultation by phone?), but I can offer *hugs* and a reading eye.
    I’m glad she’s under your supervision – I’d guess all she needs right now is peace, time and understanding. I’m pretty sure a lot of stuff you want to insist on she already knows… but it’s scary taking the next steps, even if the resulting news may be positive.

  358. carlie says

    Lysander, thanks for posting! Please drop in anytime you feel like it.

    Yay, Alexandra! Be sure not to take things too quickly; make people take care of you for awhile.

    Azkyroth – it sounds to me more like you don’t “get” the societal constructs around gender more than not understanding gender itself. All of the constructs are arbitrary, but most of us are brainwashed into linking them with gender. You seem to have avoided the kool-aid.

    I remember your name, billingtondev. I think you’re being really smart realizing right at the beginning that it takes a lot out of a person to support someone else. Could you suggest counseling to her; does she have access to that kind of service affordably? If she balks the way she does at the doctor, this might sound stupid, but do you have access to affordable therapy and any reason it would help you out? I’m thinking of going by example: “Hey, I’m going to start seeing a counselor for x and y, do you think you might be interested in going too?” just by way of making it seem like a normal activity rather than the stigmatized “people only go to therapy when they have no control over anything” mindset that a lot of people have.

    , this overwrought melodrama about people being hurt by your consenting activities is harmful.

    And, ironically, showing him to be more selfish than he thought his actions were in the first place. Dude, it’s not all about you.

  359. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    billingtondev

    I don’t have any useful advice either.

    I read your post and got the cold shivers. That situation, where the overwhelming desire to help runs headlong into an unyielding reality features very strongly in my nightmares.

    A relevant (maybe) anecdote. Huge, HUGE, trigger warning for the suffering of children.

    There’s an ultrasound test for foetuses that can indicate the likelihood of the child having Down’s syndrome. In 2007 there was only one place in our province that could do the test on my daughter-to-be, and that city was also the home to the province’s children’s hospital. A couple we knew had their son in that hospital, he had leukaemia.

    We arranged to see him and his parents on the way to get our ultrasound. It was heartbreaking to see that little boy surrounded by the machinery of last ditch medical intervention. It was heartbreaking to see the pain and fatigue etched deep into his parent’s faces, only slightly camouflaged by their willingness to be distracted by our presence.

    We went from that to seeing the first pictures of our proto-daughter in the womb in the space of a half an hour. It was an emotional whiplash the like of which I’d never felt, and it had hardly healed at all when a week later our friends called to say that their son was dead.

    He’d gone through his second round of chemo and the cancer had refused to go into remission. The doctor told them that it was no longer a medical issue, it had moved on to the realm of ethics and philosophy. They could keep that poor boy alive for some unspecified time, until the cancer finally overcame him, but the could not cure him. Or they could choose to withdraw all life support and let the end come as it would. Our friends decided on the later. He died within hours of that decision.

    Those people, those parents, faced a decision that beggar’s the imagination. They faced it with level of grace and determination that I found frankly superhuman. But here’s the thing: they aren’t superhuman, far from it. They are normal, unremarkable folks who through the worst of chances ended up in an abnormal, horrific situation.

    It was through them that I came to understand just what parenting means. I learned what love for a child really means.

    I had seen before that that love could be a burden that could swamp one, dragging one down with the guilt and frustration inherent in such a responsibility. My own father was such a demonstration, the weight of it all pulled him into a bottle, never to resurface. But I’d never seen how it could also cause one to rise above one’s perceived limitations.

    Those friends of ours had many a hard time, they had the blackest of days, and nights without even the hope of sleep. But they managed. They found the strength to make the hard decisions each and every time until there were no more left to make. I took from their experience a strange kind of hope. A realisation that tragedy does not inevitably result in a self-reinforcing downward spiral. A realisation that normal people, folks just like you and me, have resources beyond anyone’s expectations. That love is in fact a source of strength even in the most hopeless of situations.

    I hold onto that thought with hands often made sweaty with unreasonable worry. It’s my shield against all the nightmares that could visit me now that the universe has a hostage to hold over me.

    In a fair and just world I could offer you a piece of that hope like a pill, but that’s fantasy. All I have are insubstantial words.

    All the best billingtondev. My thoughts are with you.

  360. says

    ” That certain “racial groups like African Americans and Hispanics are predisposed to crime,” are “’prone’ to commit acts of violence,” and get involved in more violent and “heinous” crimes than people of other ethnicities;”
    :[...]
    ” That claims of “mental retardation” by capital defendants disgust her, and the fact such persons were convicted of a capital crime is itself sufficient to prove they are not in fact “mentally retarded”

    The above was spoken by a possible Supreme Court nominee earlier this year. Ethics charges have been filed.
    Source: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/Complaint-alleges-federal-judge-is-prejudiced-4576828.php

  361. rq says

    FossilFishy
    Yup, that’s the one – there’s a more modern version, sort of a PSA. ;)
    Also, you make me cry. Guilt and frustration are two very good words to describe parenting; today is one of those days where I wonder if we’re doing it right.

  362. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    You’ll be okay rq, and so will your kids, your doubts speak to that. It’s the shitheads who think they know it all that go down in flames. I’m not so naive as to think that everyone gets through this parenting thing unscathed, how could I with my history, but you’re not one I worry about.

  363. says

    I hate Paypal SO FUCKING MUCH. We still haven’t actually got the damn money that you folks were so nice as to give us over the course of the week. Paypal shows all of the transfers to the bank as ‘completed’, but the bank hasn’t got the money wither, becaue appaernetly it takes up to a week to wend its way through a third party system called Automated Clearing House. Who aren’t answering the phones.

  364. rq says

    FossilFishy
    Well, you make me weep anyway. And it’s one of those parenting days (otherwise more or less stellar). Thanks for not worrying. :)

    Dalillama
    *hugs* and I hope they get their act together soon!

  365. carlie says

    Ohmahgaaaaaaahhhd, you guys, I just scored the best deal. We have an annual yard sale event in the village just prior to annual “they will pick up any junk you set out” day, and I got a 1994 Star Trek phone shaped like the Enterprise, used but in the original box, for $5. It’s going to spouse for father’s day. The original price on the box was $100, and I just checked and brand new in box ones are going for $50-100 on ebay now. Also got a set of Martha Stewart cast iron skillets new in box for $10 from someone who won them in a golf tournament and doesn’t use cast iron (?!) It’s probably sad that I get so excited about thrift purchases, but dang. This year was a good year.

  366. rq says

    carlie
    It’s exciting. I get excited about second-hand purchases for amazing prices. *thumbsup* (Star Trek phone? Really? YEah!)

  367. Ogvorbis: ArkRanger of Doom! says

    doesn’t use cast iron

    I don’t use cast iron. Gave up on it when I discovered Calphalon. So far I have only bought one piece of Calphalon new. All the rest is from overstock stores and yard sales. I also have a really nice stainless steel pan (Wolfgang Puck) that I picked up for $3.99 at an overstock store.

    Star Trek phone? Really? Why?

  368. says

    Moment of Mormon Madness:

    My duty as a member of the Council of the Twelve is to protect what is most unique about the LDS church, namely the authority of priesthood, testimony regarding the restoration of the gospel, and the divine mission of the Savior. Everything may be sacrificed in order to maintain the integrity of those essential facts. Thus, if Mormon Enigma reveals information that is detrimental to the reputation of Joseph Smith, then it is necessary to try to limit its influence and that of its authors.

    The speaker in the above quote is Apostle Dallin H. Oaks.

  369. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Azkyroth – it sounds to me more like you don’t “get” the societal constructs around gender more than not understanding gender itself. All of the constructs are arbitrary, but most of us are brainwashed into linking them with gender. You seem to have avoided the kool-aid.

    I think that’s part of it…but I honestly don’t “feel” it either except when people make me by reacting to the assumptions they have, or (kinda) in specifically sex-bonding contexts. I don’t know.

  370. says

    Tony said:

    Lovely. Shaming people who work in the service industry.
    Hey, dude! Your guilt is yours. No one else’s. Stop trying to spread that shit.

    I dunno much about gaybro porn- as if/when I partake of porn it almost always involves two cisgendered women or sometimes a guy and a woman- so I dunno any of these names or w/e, but am I the only one thinking this guy was doing this “guilt tripping” of other people in the porn industry for some totally mundane reason, like maybe he didn’t like his manager so he thought “Aha! That’ll show em!”?

    rq said:

    sleepingwych
    Yeah, astrology can be fun. I was into it a lot with my Best Friend when we were younger (read: high school), so I know this and that, and I’m curious to see how the professional side of it works. I think I’m going to go for it, and share results / my opinions here. :)

    That sounds very interesting and fun actually, maybe you can hoodwink the astrologer ;). I have not much clue of this sort of thing, I did once see someone using a tarot card deck years ago in a halfway house I was in, as well I did see astrology in the newspapers from time to time and thought it was marvelously vague and humorous due to the vagueness, like the fortune cookies. I remember me and my father and brother would get fortune cookies after going to the chinese restaraunt every now and then, and we would open our fortune cookies and then proceed to make fun of the “Fortune” BS inside, comparing how it applied to all of our lives and day to day situations, maybe using it to crack jokes about people we didn’t like who believed in “New Age Woo”.

    My “little” brother, father, and I were, in some ways, fierce Skeptics, as long as it didn’t have to do with religion…My mother believed in homeopathy and used it to treat us from time to time. The placebo effect really works I found out! lol

    rq said:

    Unexplained black&white photos. Just… strange. And surreal.

    These photos are so amusing in a humorous and quaintly morbid way! Thank you for sharing =)

    carlie said:

    Azkyroth – it sounds to me more like you don’t “get” the societal constructs around gender more than not understanding gender itself. All of the constructs are arbitrary, but most of us are brainwashed into linking them with gender. You seem to have avoided the kool-aid.

    I agree with this sentiment: there’s nothing inherently “masculine” or “feminine” about any given gender expression that I can think of. Or at least I’ve never seen any proof for it that I know of. Different people prefer different things, to be sure, but it’s arbitrary. Especially laughable is the “I’m more of a man because I don’t do X” or “I’m more of a woman because I don’t do X”, that’s when the absurdity of the arbitrary gender expression reaches laughable extremes. It’s such maddening nonsense =(

    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    8 June 2013 at 11:45 am (UTC -5)

    I hate Paypal SO FUCKING MUCH. We still haven’t actually got the damn money that you folks were so nice as to give us over the course of the week. Paypal shows all of the transfers to the bank as ‘completed’, but the bank hasn’t got the money wither, becaue appaernetly it takes up to a week to wend its way through a third party system called Automated Clearing House. Who aren’t answering the phones.

    (((Hugs))) I use paypal too, and I understand what you speak of. I can just feel your frustration and anger. ((soft-hugs)) again <3

    carlie

    8 June 2013 at 11:52 am (UTC -5)

    Ohmahgaaaaaaahhhd, you guys, I just scored the best deal. We have an annual yard sale event in the village just prior to annual “they will pick up any junk you set out” day, and I got a 1994 Star Trek phone shaped like the Enterprise, used but in the original box, for $5. It’s going to spouse for father’s day. The original price on the box was $100, and I just checked and brand new in box ones are going for $50-100 on ebay now. Also got a set of Martha Stewart cast iron skillets new in box for $10 from someone who won them in a golf tournament and doesn’t use cast iron (?!) It’s probably sad that I get so excited about thrift purchases, but dang. This year was a good year.

    That’s really exciting =~)

  371. carlie says

    Star Trek phone? Really? Why?

    Why not? :) It’s shaped like the Enterprise and makes the warning sound when it rings, and he’s a Trekkie and a Trekker. But mainly, I like finding things for people (including myself) that are cool but not what you’d really find anywhere generally. I’m not sure if he’ll think it’s cool or dumb, though.

  372. says

    carlie

    8 June 2013 at 3:30 pm (UTC -5)

    Star Trek phone? Really? Why?

    Why not? :) It’s shaped like the Enterprise and makes the warning sound when it rings, and he’s a Trekkie and a Trekker. But mainly, I like finding things for people (including myself) that are cool but not what you’d really find anywhere generally. I’m not sure if he’ll think it’s cool or dumb, though.

    You are like so cool in my book with this. That’s so cool omg. /jellies

    Yard sales, flea markets, thrift stores, garage sales, etc, are so much fun because it’s like a treasure hunt and a gift hunt all at the same time ^.^

    ((happyhugs)) for totally cool person :+)

  373. says

    “Religion is always in the control business.”

    “I don’t think there is a hell.”

    Link to video interview with Bishop John Shelby Spong.

  374. cicely says

    Hi, billingtondev; welcome in, or welcome back, whichever is most appropriate. I think I remember your ‘nym from before…but I’ve slept since then, and my memory is notoriously fickle in its choices of Stuff To Keep. I mean, there is no earthly reason for Avogadro’s Number to be eternally squatting in my brain, lo these <*doing some fast-n-sloppy mathing*> 28 or so years later…yet there it is.
     

    And having somewhere to talk about it where I trust the folks I’m talking to might be a good thing.

    And here we are!
    :)
    -
    rq, those are indeed some bizarre (and sometimes disturbing) B&W pics.
    -
    Time to go discuss what happens in the game sessions after Cthulhu is Summoned, and the Game is Up. I’ll just have to get up-to-date in the [Lounge] later.
    -

  375. broboxley OT says

    something I posted elsewhere. Years ago privacy, individual rights and protecting us from the police as well as the crooks was considered normal, now

    so willing to let your owners tighten the leash
    I have as have others here mentioned that the government has access to the telco backbone and cdr’s. Lots of oh noes, that couldn’t happen here, and balderdash was the response. Now it is “shrug, no big deal” Didn’t take very many years to go from Kruschev banging his shoe on the table to a system that the fucking Stazi would have envied.

    maybe I’m just over-reacting

  376. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Yazikus:

    I think it was opposablethumbs that suggested flowers for the table, I love the idea and forgot to buy some ^_^

    I think it might have been me? *sheepish smile
    It works out anyway. I’d love to have fresh flowers every day. I wish you the best with your weekend of guests, I have my own coming up soon, and am anxious about it. I start cleaning my house, and then I see dust on the door frame, and dog hair on the trim, and books, how could they get so dusty??? And I go into a downward cycle, seeing everything that my mother would have found dirty (she liked the white glove treatment). But really, friends don’t care. They don’t see that. So I wish you a most gregarious, friendly, and fun filled weekend, without stress. Your guests are going to have a great time.

    Oh, my mistake! It was a lovely idea ^_^ My guests are gone now, they decided to stay in a motel tonight instead of my house (near the wedding an hour from here, I’m not taking it personally haha) but it went as well as it could have. I feel pretty good about it. I hope you can get past some dust (I had to just let some slide myself, not enough time!) and have a lovely time as well. I’m sure you’re right about the people that matter not really caring. cicely’s advice about people visiting me not my house, was very helpful to me.

    Beatrice: I millionth the sentiment that you are a great person and a smart one, too. I like you.

    Ogvorbis: Please listen to cicely.

    billingtondev: I don’t have advice but I do have well wishes. It’s likely a huge help to your daughter that she has a concerned loving parent.

    JAL: See message to Ogvorbis : ) I like seeing you around. Your book-talk is always interesting.

    Carlie:

    It’s probably sad that I get so excited about thrift purchases, but dang.

    if that makes you sad, then I’m downright pathetic : ) I got some good deals today myself. Love treasure hunting. And I would love an Enterprise phone! Nice!
    “““““““““

    Went to the wedding, sat on a straw bale, wore my cowboy boots and jeans like the dress code suggested. It was a cute farm wedding. I saw my great grandma. She didn’t think I remembered her. I saw a lot of other family, but I also saw my favorite aunt and uncle on that side of the family. Aunt S feels like a kindred spirit, though I don’t see her often. She’s genuine and understanding and kind. I was good to see her.

    I’m exhausted and overextended. It’s good to sit in this recliner and peruse the Lounge ^_^

  377. says

    “Religion is always in the control business.”

    “I don’t think there is a hell.”

    I think some of these people like Spong are very well aware of what they’re doing with religion to control people but rationalize it anyway. Religion is, not always, but on one level, about rich people fooling poor people economically, and extorting money, sex, and power from them. The vociferous justifications the rich, privileged, and educated, all of whom know religion is a scam, put up to give religion to poor people, whether it’s the liberal or conservative strains, are simply themselves dishonest lies. I don’t believe there is a single human being on this planet that “needs” religion in any meaningful sense, and I believe the end goal of religion (as per it’s actual creators) is in fact nothing less than the death of all of humanity. The rich are playing with a fire they don’t really understand beyond how they use it to control people, and all of the economic reward they get for playing with that fire, supporting people like Spong financially, is still shaping a world that is very much suffering from religion. I think religion is about rich people milking poor people and everyone who is not rich suffering badly, with the rich suffering very minimally by comparison due to how much money, and therefore power, they have.

  378. billingtondev says

    Thanks everyone for your posts. I’m so surprised at everyone’s good memories! And I really appreciate the good thoughts.

    rq:
    I’m pretty sure a lot of stuff you want to insist on she already knows… but it’s scary taking the next steps

    Oh yes, of COURSE! Of course she does. I forgot that I knew that she knows – and that its scary. Thank you!

    When my daughter got sick last year, it started off as food poisoning. We had three visits to the hospital because she wasn’t getting better and was developing a rash. Each time we went, my daughter was patronized and treated like a silly young woman having a ‘drama’ about a touch of food poisoning and sent home to ‘get better’. She knew there was something else very wrong happening in her body. But she did NOT want to go back to the hospital AGAIN and be upset by their treatment and attitude towards her.
    So in the end – after much worrying and agonising over what the best thing to do was – I made the decision to call her Dr’s surgery on her behalf to get some advice. I didn’t talk to my daughter beforehand – maybe I should have – but she was very unwell.
    The nurse at her Dr’s clinic said I should bring her in for a consultation and made an emergency appointment. I told my daughter what I had done – and she was a bit surprised but agreed to go. After examining her, and LISTENING to her, the Dr said he wanted her admitted to hospital immediately. He called an ambulance for her to make sure she got taken seriously.
    It turned out that her body had been overwhelmed by the food poisoning and that her auto- immune system was triggered into overdrive and attacked her own blood vessels. She had something called leukocytoclastic vasculitis – quite rare and hard to diagnose. And very dangerous if not treated.
    In that case I was glad I had made the decision on her behalf. I hate to think what might have happened if I hadn’t.
    So I think that’s where my head (or my heart) was at last night. But now I think you are so right. “Time space and understanding” Yes.

    FossilFishy. Oh my! Overwhelming desire vs unyielding reality. Yes! So much. Thank you for your story. It made me cry.
    All I have are insubstantial words.
    Insubstantial maybe – but on the button and what I needed.
    Oh my.

    She has just spilled a cup of coffee on herself – is now beating herself up that “she can’t even fucking drink a cup of fucking coffee properly”
    My heart aches right now. I just want to make everything ok for her. But I can’t. Instead I will take her to see one of her best friends who is leaving to go overseas today on an exciting adventure. Sometimes life is just shit.

  379. billingtondev says

    And I have apparently forgotten how to do the quote thing properly Could someone remind me please?

  380. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    <blockquote> text here </blockquote>

    text here

  381. Portia...are you ready boots? Start walkin' says

    Thanks billingtondev. And no problem. I learned what little html I know by painful repitition here and getting the comments by email subscription. The html doesn’t embed and you can see what exact tricks everybody used to make their words fancy.

  382. billingtondev says

    Ha! Cool :-) Yeah – repetition is gonna be what it takes for me too. I’ll stick to the basics for now I think. Maybe

    fancy.

    will come later!