I know almost nothing about Jackiesue »« [Lounge #414]

Comments

  1. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    What is the scenario my torts professor is going to inflict on me tomorrow?

  2. says

    Why do you hate god, and why do you deny the clear evidence that the universe and life are designed?

    (can’t get much more stupid than that, since that’s the way the “questions” seem to be going)

    Glen Davidson

  3. okstop says

    When you eat the unbaptized children, do you have any special way of preparing them, or does Satan give you the ability to just consume them whole and uncooked (obviously as a reward for your loyalty to his Earthly agenda)?

  4. MarcusC says

    How do you sleep at night? Is it easier because you know there isn’t a celestial dick waiting to mess with people for some divine in-joke.

  5. yazikus says

    Smithsonian magazine has a page in the very back where they answer reader questions. My favorite was from Jerry, in Eugene, OR. “How much water is in a cloud? What would be left if you squeezed the water out of it?” I am sure he asked it in good faith, but all I could do was to snortle and think to myself “and then Jerry asked, Why does my ice cream taste like rainbows?”. Cause, Eugene… yeah. It was funnier in my head.

    Well, I’m waiting.

    What is your favorite novel?

  6. says

    #4: It will be something that will make you question your decision to go into law at all. You will pine for the questions about biology I would ask you instead.

  7. johnlee says

    Question: “You could be wrong, so why don’t you pray to God – just in case?”
    Answer: “Of course, and you could be wrong, too, so why don’t you get yourself circumcised – just in case”

  8. maudell says

    I heard this question on a podcast a couple months ago and I still can’t answer it:

    Would you rather ride a gigantic duck or 20 miniature horses?

  9. KillJoy says

    I participated in this on Twitter today.
    Some of the questions I got:
    1. Don’t you realize you’re just as bad as the christians you hate?
    2. Why do you hate christians?
    3. Why do you hate people’s beliefs?
    4. Can you describe, in one word, why you dont believe in god?

    Pretty much all of the questions I got (except for #4) had to do with me hating things. All of my “I dont hate anyone, here let me explain my position” answers were met with “Stop dodging the question”. My answer to #4? “Evidence”.

    Eternally Hateful, I remain,
    KJ

  10. says

    #18: Because we’re unburdened with bullshit.

    #20: Where am I going?

    #22: I’d answer the first 3 with “I hate stupidity and ignorance, why don’t you?” Your answer to #4 is pretty good.

  11. gridlore says

    If you actually could saddle up and ride a dinosaur, which one would you choose? (Assume the dino has been trained to accept a rider.)

  12. saguache says

    When is God going to take everyone from Kansas, Utah and Arizona back up to heaven? I’m getting tired of their bullshit.

  13. dianne says

    I think Yossarian already asked the only question really worth asking about atheism: What makes you so sure? (Ja, I know, it’s still not an original question.)

  14. says

    Why did I find the trap door to my oubliette open with a rope improvised from what looks like tentacles dangling down enticingly for me, am I going to be shot “escaping” or is there an amnesty for poseurs no one told me about?

  15. Subtract Hominem says

    If humans either were sculpted from dust in the image of God, or evolved from monkey-like ancestors, why are clumps of dust called “bunnies”?

  16. says

    Oi, mate, you’re a Yank: why did America go to all the trouble of taking “U”s out of words like “colour” and replacing “S”s with “Z”s and turning “plough” into “plow” (but, oddly, not “rough” into “ruff”), all in the name of simplifying English – only to keep using frakking miles and pounds and inches and ounces?

  17. Brian E says

    OK smarty pants atheists, answer me this: If birds can fly, why did planes evolve? No? Ha, evilution is a lie, and I brilliantly disproved it with my outstanding logic.

  18. John Small Berries says

    Ooh, yuck. Who would eat unbaptized children?

    Are you kidding? If you eat the unbaptized ones, you get the added joy of sending their little souls straight to Hell, since Pope Benedict was kind enough to abolish Limbo.

  19. Ogvorbis, broken failure. says

    How many deaths will it take til we know that too many people have died?

  20. CJO says

    No one told me!

    Well, see, tell an atheist day is next month. I’ll be staying home.

  21. carlie says

    I got only two questions. :( But they were both from awesome people, so yay! (who can self-identify if they wish, but I won’t go plastering their names all over in case they don’t)

    One was “Dawkins. The fuck?”

    I just wish I knew the answer to that one.

  22. says

    #25: Zebrafish are light with dark stripes. I watch embryos, remember — they all start out pale, and I can actually see the melanocytes migrate out of the population of neural crest cells and differentiate into stripes.

    #26: Because it dances when it mouses.

    #27: Tears? Madness. Everyone knows you bathe in the blood of baby Jesus.

    #28: Zebrafish. Or Arabidopsis.

    #29: Is this the start to a Julie Andrews song?

    #30: I don’t discriminate. I hate them all equally.

    #31: There is absolutely no difference.

    #32: Did the Ms Socket consent to being entered by Mr Fork? There’s your answer. Fork is a privileged bastard.

    #33: Is this like that giant T. rex vs 20 Compsognathus question? Because it is stupid.

    #34: Those people aren’t going to heaven.

    #35: Because if there actually were a good reason to believe, in 3,000 years you’d think they’d come up with something better than Pascal’s Wager and Biblical literalism.

    #36: OK, you’ve come up with a reason to believe god is a rabbit. Go try it on a Christian.

    #37: Wait, you’re asking for a rational explanation of America? Ha.

    #38: You try to get a tiny bag of peanuts and 3 ounces of coke from a bird.

    #39: It’s almost 7pm here. You missed lunch, so NOTHING.

    #40: Those don’t sound like barbecue sauces. Interloper! Seize him!

    #41: Who?

    #43: All of them.

    #44: Every day is tell an atheist day.

  23. markr1957 says

    Q. What’s the difference between a duck?

    [What’s with all the questions involving ducks? Do I look like an ornithologist? –pzm]

  24. redpanda says

    What’s the coolest fact you know about biology that most people don’t?

    [If I told you it wouldn’t be my cool little secret anymore –pzm]

  25. RFW says

    Is it true that all good atheists have for lunch a sandwich filled with slices of fried baby?

    [I’ve been cutting back on the fried foods. –pzm]

  26. cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming) says

    PZ, is there any chance you could put the answers as edits in the relevant comments?

    [NO. –pzm]

    I’m doing a lot of scrolling up and down here. It would help!

  27. cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming) says

    Expecting “#54: No.” Of course. ;-)

  28. rghthndsd says

    What are you wearing?

    [A pink silk teddy. And nothing else. What are you wearing, big boy? –pzm]

  29. kieran says

    Why do my box plots for an entire year look excatly the same?

    [You were supposed to have identified the interesting variables in the pilot study. –pzm]

  30. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

    [Help him! Help him! Help the bombardier! –pzm]

  31. moarscienceplz says

    OK, here’s a serious question:

    I hope you saw the news about researchers trying to find the optimal oxygen level for preemies and not telling the parents they were doing it. I assume your first reaction would be that it was wrong not to discuss this with the parents, and I agree. My question is, what is the moral way to conduct this research, since too little O2 increases the risk of death and too much increases the risk of blindness. Or is this research that should never be attempted?

    [Maybe not all research should be done with the double-blind trial methodology. Constant monitoring of the individual patient with the dual goal of minimizing oxygen concentration while also minimizing respiratory distress sounds like the way to go. –pzm]

  32. Ogvorbis, broken failure. says

    How does one transfer from a Asus7 to a Bm7 without tying one’s fingers in a knot?

    [Speak English, man! –pzm]

  33. A. R says

    Why is one of the physicists in my uni’s physics department a creationist?

    [I’m guessing…religion poisoning. –pzm]

  34. No One says

    Are you an embryologist?

    [I’m a developmental biologist. That’s an embryologist on steroids. –pzm]

  35. robro says

    What does diddy-wah-diddy mean?

    [Ask me again when you’re a little older. –pzm]

  36. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    My daughter has a question*:

    How many foxes can you scare with one flashlight?

    *We were riding home in the dark last night and she got scared because there were things out there that wanted to hurt her. When I pointed out that there were no large dangerous animals in Australia she said “But there are foxes!” I had given her a torch to play with as she rode along on the back of my bike, so I pointed out that foxes run away from torches.

    [The first time she aims that light out there, and the eyeshine appears, and comes closer and closer and closer, she’d going to cuss you out. –pzm]

  37. Larry says

    A train leaves Los Angeles at 7:30, bound for Chicago and travels at 80 MPH. A second train leaves Chicago at 9:42, destined to arrive in Seattle 20 hours later. What time should Bill arrive at JFK airport in New York to make his flight to Frankfurt, Germany which departs at 10:30. Show your work.

    [8:30. Always arrive 2 hours early for your frisking. –pzm]

  38. Ulysses says

    Should atheists get insurance for “acts of god”?

    [Why? God loves you very much. –pzm]

  39. Subtract Hominem says

    Ogvorbis @ 61

    It depends on what positions and fingerings you’re using. x02030 to x20202 is quite comfortable.

  40. UnknownEric the Apostate says

    Could you, would you on a boat?
    Could you, would you with a goat?

    [I have, on a boat. Never, with a goat. Wait, what are you talking about? –pzm]

  41. great1american1satan says

    I will accept answers from Dune, Se7en, or anything else you can come up with. But it’s gotta be legit!

  42. says

    1. What is your name?

    [PZ Myers. –pzm]

    2. What is your quest?

    [To crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentations of their women. –pzm]

    3. What is the capital of Abyssinia?

    [You mean, “Assyria.” –pzm]

    [Blue, no…AAAAAAAIAIAAIAIIIIEEE! –pzm]

  43. Esteleth, the most colossal nerd on Pharyngula says

    What is the punishment for Sally mis-quoting Monty Python?

    [Spankings! Many spankings! And then…the oral sex! –pzm]

    Also, what is the capital of Assyria?

    [Assur, as everyone knows. –pzm]

  44. Pteryxx says

    What’s the best question you’ve ever gotten from a student?

    [Any of them. Every teacher knows the hard part is just getting them to ask questions. –pzm]

  45. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Dang, PZ’s going red for answers. The Pullet Patrol™ has been debating, which come first, the Pullet or the Egg?. Feel free to ignore them…

    [Since eggs are an ancient metazoan innovation, and chickens are a relatively recent species, the answer should be obvious. –pzm]

  46. yazikus says

    @sallystrange
    But more importantly, what is your favorite color?

    [Black. –pzm]

  47. mythbri says

    @FossilFishy #66

    When I pointed out that there were no large dangerous animals in Australia

    Is your daughter not afraid of all of the small dangerous animals in Australia? Because if not, she’s braver than I am!

  48. mythbri says

    What is the answer to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe, and Everything?

    [Life, the Universe, and Everything are meaningless, so there is no answer. –pzm]

  49. Rob says

    PZ, what really happened to Schrödinger’s cat?

    [It probably lazed around, eating and pooping, until one day it died. Schrödinger’s experiment was a thought experiment, remember: no cats were harmed. –pzm]

  50. mythbri says

    Four men sat down to play,
    They played all night ’till break of day.
    They played for gold and not for fun
    With separate scores for everyone.
    When they came to square accounts,
    They all had made quite fair amounts.
    Can you the paradox explain,
    If no one lost, how could all gain?

    [They were musicians. –pzm]

  51. Mattir, Another One With Boltcutters says

    Why would someone make a baby Jesus butt plug?

    [People worship the Lord in different ways. –pzm]

  52. A. R says

    If intelligent design creationists evolved from AiG creationists, why are there still AiG creationists?

    [We’re not going to say one way or the other, except to suggest that the Darwinian dogmatists ought to consider the imminent failure of their paradigm and perhaps explore alternative explanations. –pzm]

  53. anteprepro says

    Is it racist if I don’t like elves?

    [Pe-channas! –pzm]

    Why would someone make a baby Jesus butt plug?

    Because Catholic priests (?)

  54. No One says

    #88
    Mattir, Another One With Boltcutters

    “Why would someone make a baby Jesus butt plug?”

    Open up and let Jesus in.

  55. Mattir, Another One With Boltcutters says

    For the record, the “why would someone make a baby Jesus butt plug?” was a question asked of me by my then-14-year-old DaughterSpawn after reading some Pharyngula comment thread. She’s now 17, and Pharyngula has been a fabulous source of community, friends, and learning. Even about stuff more mundane than baby Jesus butt plugs.

    The correct answer to the question is SonSpawn’s: “Because it’ll save your ass.”

  56. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    Who are you?

    [Some guy with a blog. –pzm]

    What do you want?

    [An end to religion, the dissolution of the Republican party, world peace and prosperity, and more science. –pzm]

  57. Old At Heart says

    Who would win in a fight, Zeus or Odin?

    [The phantasms would flail ineffectually at one another, until a human being whiffed them away with a wave of their hand. –pzm]

  58. anteprepro says

    [Pe-channas! –pzm]

    And so I learn that the racism is justified. And also that PZ has been working for Keebler the whole time.

  59. Rob says

    Have you ever had a cat sit on your lap and, at least once, thought “this is nice” rather than “can I feed this to a squid”?

    [Have you ever had a squid in your lap? Don’t judge me by your narrow domain of experience. –pzm]

  60. Stacy says

    Can you make me a cambric shirt without any seam or needlework?

    [No. Nothing personal, I just don’t have the slightest idea how to do that. –pzm]

  61. Rob says

    Have you ever had a cat sit on your lap and, at least once, thought “this is nice” rather than “can I feed this to a squid”?

    [Have you ever had a squid in your lap? Don’t judge me by your narrow domain of experience. –pzm]

     
    Nearly! After staring at each other for a while and a brief discussion Mr Octopus and I decided that it could have the fish.

  62. CompulsoryAccount7746, Sky Captain says

    @93:

    What do you want?
    [An end to religion, the dissolution of the Republican party, world peace and prosperity, and more science. –pzm]

    Uh oh. Now, the Shadows will arrange for humans to learn new nanotech, culminating in grey goo…
     
    More science, brief prosperity, then dissolution, the end of religion, and world peace at last.

  63. great1american1satan says

    The question day thing must be over in his time zone. :-P Siiiigh. Now we’ll never know these important answers.

  64. Kaia Dekker says

    1) I last took biology courses in 2001. What are the major new concepts / paradigms / understandings in biology that I should know about from the last 10 years?

    2) I love your developmental bio blog posts! Do you have a recommended textbook for someone interested in reading up in their spare time?

  65. Suido says

    As the great Beard wrote, ‘All the world’s a beard, and all the animals merely follicles.’

    What kind of follicle are you?

  66. chigau (違う) says

    That was fun.
    But I never got an answer.
    And not one real theist showed up to ask a question.

    Ing #29
    Fa loves Pa.

  67. glodson says

    Is it too late to ask questions?

    Do you keep emblems representing people who have given you some credit for their deconversion?

  68. yubal says

    # 108

    Seriously. If religion would end, how would you celebrate it? (public question)

    For reference. The youth of Moscow celebrated itself and the end of communism like this in 1991:

  69. chigau (違う) says

    yubal

    alternatively, the USSR ceased to exist.

    That I can agree with.
    sort of

  70. thumper1990 says

    @Maudel #20

    I heard this question on a podcast a couple months ago and I still can’t answer it:

    Would you rather ride a gigantic duck or 20 miniature horses?

    The duck. Splitting yourself into 20 sounds painful.

  71. marko says

    #20
    I heard the duck one a while ago, only it was would you rather be a attacked by a horse sized duck, or 20 duck sized horses. This led to extended arguments with my siblings.

    Of course, the answer is the horses. Can you really imagine coming face to face with an angry horse sized duck? 20 duck sized horses would be annoying at worst.

  72. Lars says

    [Since eggs are an ancient metazoan innovation, and chickens are a relatively recent species, the answer should be obvious. –pzm]

    I’m sure you meant ovious but got autocorrected.

    Zebrafish are light with dark stripes. I watch embryos, remember — they all start out pale, and I can actually see the melanocytes migrate out of the population of neural crest cells and differentiate into stripes.

    Funny, I figured it out by its relatives (here are some of the closest), but of course I’m many time zones too late.

  73. coffeehound says

    @ 87,

    [They were musicians. –pzm]

    Wait, no, xe said they made money at the end…