Comments

  1. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Thanks for that rq. I knew you’d understand but sometimes my brain doesn’t like me, and right now is one of those times.

    Mind you, being press-ganged being a volunteer in last night’s performance and spending this morning being an unpaid model for the local tourist board has put a dent in my unwillingness to be exposed in public. I guess being pushed outside my current comfort zone isn’t necessarily bad.

  2. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Oh, they’ve put up a pic of the audience on Facebook. Can you spot the Coelecanth? :)

  3. ednaz says

    Hi Fossil Fishy!
    I am sending you a 3 panel screen that folds down to pocket size (through the USB, of course). : )

  4. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Cheers ednaz…er, wait what? Not that kind of exposed! The tourist board here isn’t that daring/stupid. :) Mind you, I guess nude cyclists on the local rail-trail would bring in a more ,er, colourful kind of tourist…

  5. rq says

    Hi, ednaz! :)

    FossilFishy
    Just remember, even if your brain doesn’t like you sometimes, I do. :)
    Unfortunately, I could not spot the Coelecanth. Which is shorthand for I may have spotted the coelecanth, but I don’t want to take a public guess and make an ass of myself!, just so you know.
    I hope you can retreat to the privacy of your own hermitage soon. How’s the house coming along?

  6. rq says

    Also, I hear cycling nude is great ventilation, but the sunburns are hideously painful.

  7. ednaz says

    FossilFishy
    I like to fold my screen in a triangle around me. Then I hit ‘Surroundings’ and the screen looks like whatever’s around.

    I can stay in there (un-bothered) as long as I like. : )

    Hi rq!

  8. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    One word rq: chafing. There are all sorts of products to help with that (we sell Aussie Butt Cream, “For comfort down under.”) when fully clothed, I shudder at the thought of riding unprotected.

    And another word; gratitude. Thank you, rq, you’re one of the good ‘uns.

    The house is accreting in much the same way that glaciers do: in tiny, almost imperceptible layers over great periods of time. In other words, should I post today’s pic you wouldn’t be able to see any change though some things have been done.

    We now have a hot water heater and the solar collector tubes sitting in boxes inside the house. This meant that the builder is now locking up and I haven’t a leg to stand on, legally speaking, to ask them for a key. [pouts] The builders are now offering extras like fancy feature cladding (wobbly board) for parts of the front as an apology for the slow rate of progress. I’m worried that they’re setting us up to feel bad for enforcing the monetary penalty for going over time should that happen.

    Off to home, dinner, Small Fry scrubbing, bedtime stories and general familial obligations/bliss. Later.

  9. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Sorry, one more thing: Someone has to make such a thing ednaz, right. fucking. now! The introvert market DEMANDS it!

    [looks frantically around for the “Free Hand”]

    Dammit.

    [Adds action item to his To Do When I Rule Everything List]

  10. ednaz says

    Good evening, FossilFishy.

    rq
    Yes. It’s most handy. Shall I send you one?

  11. ednaz says

    Sorry, one more thing: Someone has to make such a thing ednaz, right. fucking. now! The introvert market DEMANDS it!

    I’m in the Lab/Shop RIGHT NOW. I sent you one of the prototypes. I’m just waiting to see if rq wants one. : )

  12. rq says

    ednaz
    Sounds good!
    Needs a perimeter alarm (silent on the outside) to warn of approaching persons – you know, in case it’s someone requiring emergency interaction (children come to mind). That would be the advanced-home version.
    For work, the regular invisibility will do.
    Send me one, please!

  13. says

    ‘rupt, sorry, had an odd couple of days.

    Yesterday (Wednesday) I woke up around 9:30 in the morning with a mondo case of the Kitty Crazies and ended up going Walkabout. In the morning.

    I do not do mornings!

    Both attempts at a nap failed.

    Group was interesting. We talked about relationship role models, and how the relationships you grow up around affect your own later relationship choices (and what you see as “normal”).

    Found out I’m not the only one with a problem saying “No”, especially to people I care about. It doesn’t help that, as a kid, you have it drilled into you to “be polite” and to “share”, yeah?

    It’s really helping me, just to know that I’m going through utterly normal shit. I mean, I shouldn’t have to deal with this shit, nobody should, but since I have to, it’s… it’s easier to do when you aren’t alone on the path, you know?

  14. ednaz says

    rq
    You can see what’s going on (outside the screen) on the monitor, but I like your perimeter alarm. I’ll start working on that. I’m sure I can send the parts for that later.

    Yours is one the way. : )

  15. rq says

    Many thanks, ednaz!

    And *scritches* for WMDKitty for the group sessions and feeling normal! I hope progress keeps up.

  16. ednaz says

    Hi WMDKitty!

    I’m glad you have a group to work things out with.

    Yeah, and Thanks Mom and Dad for the screwed-up version! *sarcastic thumbsup*

    Yes. Together (with helpful people) is better.

    Sending *scritches* if that’s o.k. : )

  17. ednaz says

    rq
    Cool picture! Did you say you get to go home to visit this year?

    And Captain Picard is ALWAYS appreciated. *drool*

  18. says

    My parents’ relationship actually isn’t messed up at all. I’m one of the unlucky women who got suckered in, and by the time I figured out what he was doing, it was too late. I was trapped.

  19. ednaz says

    I’m sorry, WMD Kitty, I was meaning mine (parents).

    I’m also sorry you were trapped.

  20. says

    THanks, ednaz, it’s just… weird, you know? Part of the problem (on my end) is that I never saw my parents fight. Or argue. Or really disagree, much. I assume they had (and have) differences of opinion and issues with each other, but they never hashed them out in front of us kids. Quiet discussions behind closed doors were the norm.

  21. rq says

    WMDKitty
    My parents were similar. I can remember about 2 times where we accidentally overheard their conversations, but they kept things pretty low key. Sometimes I’m not sure it was a great idea, because I’m still unsure about how to deal with conflict, sometimes, in my current (quite lovely) relationship. We’re better now than we used to be, but it’s taken a lot of trial-and-error and extra communication… which, I suppose, is how it goes most times!

    ednaz
    There’s a pretty good chance I’ll be able to go visit December of this year, but it ruins all kinds of other plans I had for going next year. Well, ‘ruins’ would be too strong a word, but it’s one of those things… My parents offered to bring the whole family to Canada for Christmas for various reasons (selling childhood home, dad’s cancer gone bad, etc.), which is great and awesome, but it comes at a time when we need to redo the heating system (probably all of it) in the ‘new’ house (which, yes, will be done in the summer, but, you know, $$$… and if they pay for tickets, tha’ts great, there’s the small matter of spending money :( ), plus we were planning on going next summer for several other reasons, among which I can now include my professional development. Anyway, I have some very confusingly mixed feelings about the whole deal, which in no way changes the fact that I want to go home for a visit, but I want to do it on my terms, and while I know my dad can’t help a lot of things in his life right now, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s trying to make everyone do things his way. Extremely uncharitable, I know, but it’s a childhood relic that lurks in the back of my mind and grins sometimes.
    Anyway, that’s the long story there. :)
    Short version: yes, I think so!

  22. ednaz says

    WMDKitty and rq

    Never arguing in front of the children isn’t a good thing. Children never have a chance to learn how to deal with things (making future adult relationships difficult(sometimes for the first several years)).
    Growing up WASP (never talk about anything real) isn’t good.

    rq

    I can’t shake the feeling that he’s trying to make everyone do things his way.

    I bet you’re right about that.

    I hope your summer plans don’t get ruined. Your professional development is just as important (if not more) as anything else.

    At the same time, I have to tell you, some things I do are done just to keep Mother and Father happy.
    *bleh*

  23. says

    rq

    EXACTLY!

    I haven’t got a clue about how to deal with conflict, so I just kinda sit and stew and steam and simmer and boil and then SNAP! Ragesplosion.

    I don’t feel good about myself when that happens, and I want a healthier way to identify and resolve conflict before it gets to the point where I’m all RAWR.

    I’ve figured out that talking, communicating, is good. Sometimes it’s hard for me to communicate my feelings, sometimes it’s going to take me a few minutes to get a thought arranged and articulated, but I want to resolve things without violence or harsh words. I want people to be able to live peacefully, man.

    Also, um, assertiveness training. That would be of the good, because sometimes I still default to “doormat” and I want to stop doing that. I want to, you know, gain some spinal fortitude.

  24. says

    Fuck, I also wanna stop with the jumpy-paranoid shit around male family members.

    It’s not a constant thing, but sometimes Dad gets upset.

    And when Dad gets upset, There Are Words. Angry words. Shouted angry words.

    He’s always been that way.

    But after… after The Jackass? I’m finding myself wanting to run and hide while I freeze in place.

  25. rq says

    WMDKitty
    So much exactly right there.
    I’m an excellent steamer and simmerer, but it’s something I acknowledge isn’t always for the best, so I try to make the effort to actually speak, and boy, is it ever hard! I’ve learned to mention things before they piss me off too much, to speak less accusatively (accusatorily?), to be less confrontational, which usually means not waiting so long to say something. To be honest, there are times I still expect Husband to read my fucking mind, but I’m getting better at lowering those expectations, too. ;)
    It’s hard, though. Definitely learned throughout life to keep things inside, and to let them out only on OVERLOAD, if ever at all. Not healthy. Regulating things is… difficult. *morescritches* and good luck!

    ednaz
    Arguing in front of children and resolving conflict in a healthy manner is beneficial, not if the fight is for fighting’s sake where nothing ever gets resolved but dissolves into accusations of all kinds. But I see what you mean.
    Also, my dad’s a big supporter of the civility idea – there’s no need to get emotional; as long as you’re being civil, everything’s ok and nothing is insulting. (I’m an emotional type of person, though, as you may have guessed…)

  26. ednaz says

    How frustrating that the male family members never called your Dad out on his innappropriate behavior.

  27. ednaz says

    WMDKitty
    I’m sorry to leave you on that note. But I must turn in.
    My apologies if I misspoke.
    Goodnight. Pleasant sleep to you.

  28. says

    Dunno if I’ve mentioned, but I’m a pacifist.

    I’ll grudgingly accept violence as a last resort in defense of self, loved ones, pets, and children. Especially children. (And I don’t even like children!)

    I remember being spanked exactly once as a child. My brothers got it a lot more. And sometimes Dad would break a personal belonging as punishment. (Something I know now is a Red Flag.) But it wasn’t very often, and only in response to what (looking back) were pretty proportional offenses (i.e. Kid 1 deliberately broke Kid 2’s toy? One of Kid 1’s toys would be broken.) It kind of makes sense now, but at the time, it was just so totally unfair. It still is totally unfair — I’d rather have had my allowance docked than have my stuff borked. Also, uh, way to teach us kids not to respect other people’s property. (I kinda went the other way, and am now insanely paranoid about touching/moving/reading/eating anything without permission. I’m all, “ohai, steelin ur grapes, kthxbai.” I’m also insanely uptight about people going through my stuff without asking first.*)

    I apologize for every. little. thing. Even if it’s something tiny like knocking the newspaper off the counter or tripping over the cat’s water dish or getting in the way (even though they insist I’m not in the way at all). I accidentally borked the latch on the gate and my first reaction was, “OhfuckDad’sgonnakillme.” I got over that and owned up to it, but… still… you know? The fact that that’s my first reaction, and not, “oops, better let Dad know this needs fixed”? Shouldn’t even be happening.

    PTSD is Serious Fucking Business, and it’s no fun.

    *And holy fuckballs, that comes off as “paranoid pothead”! I swear it’s not about the weed, it’s because my boundaries and my stuff and my space were so sorely DISrespected by certain parties that I am now incredibly defensive of them, often irrationally so.

  29. ednaz says

    Goodnight rq. Pleasant sleep to you. : )

    WMDKitty
    Hopefully we can talk again some time. : )
    Pleasant sleep to you.


    hee hee – Now I really am going to bed. : )

  30. says

    Hi there
    So, I think my liver values take a life of their own. There’s that one that was way off the range. And now it’s still off the range but noticably less off the range after I drank rather more alcohol and ate rather more fat than usually…
    Cholesterol and Thyroid are good, though.

    +++
    WMD Kitty
    I was just talking with my therapist about my difficulties to find a balance with my kids because I don’t want to fuck them up, too. And he drew me a graph, you know, a “normal” line as the x-axis and then then graph going up and down in a wave pattern, explaining that it’s totally normal and OK that sometimes you’ll be a bit too hard on the kids and think more about yourself, and sometimes you’ll be rather “soft” and put their needs before yours, but it kind of balances out, no biggie.
    And I said yes, I get that, the problem is that I have no (fucking) clue where that (fucking) normal line is supposed to be.
    Especially when we’re talking about things that are not bad as such, like being (generally speaking) polite, saying please, thank you, I’m sorry and sharing. Being kind and nurturing and compassionate and caring. Those are good things. But they become bad things when the sense of you and your boundaries get lost.

  31. rq says

    Giliell
    Sometimes I yell at them (for which I feel guilty), sometimes I feel I allow them too much (for which I feel guilty but in a different way). I have no idea where the line is. I don’t know how to make sure they will grow up to be polite but not doormats, generous but not to their own detriment, apologetic but not undeservedly so… I have no idea if my ‘methods’ are working or not, and that scares me a bit.
    But, I make sure they know that I care about them and love them and will help them no matter what, and they seem to like knowing new things and trying new things and learning to work together, so I suppose it’s not all bad or wrong. *shrug* I still have no idea where the line is.

  32. blf says

    We seem to have several missing people lately.

    If you have them, they aren’t missing. Possibly late — as in “the late M– So-and-so” — but not missing. Unless you are trying to hide the evidence.

  33. Esteleth, stupid fucking starchild Tolkien worshiping douche says

    My brain is not working.

    I just said to myself, “I want some music.” So I plugged my headphones in, donned them, and then went to my task bar and … clicked on Adobe Acrobat. I then sat there for a good 40 seconds wondering what was taking so long.

    Because the stylized red “A” that is Acrobat’s logo looks exactly like the crisp serif blue “P” that is Pandora’s logo. *facepalm*

  34. rq says

    Portia
    Just that animals aren’t assholes. When they gotta eat, they gotta eat, but they aren’t assholes… Or something? Nice links so far. :)

  35. says

    Four brave high school students in Wilcox Co, Georgia are fighting their schools “tradition” of segregated proms by attempting to organize an integrated prom. They’re facing a lot of resistance, of course, because apparently this isn’t a no brainer.

    Here’ a couple of stories on the kids fighting this:
    http://www.newscentralga.com/news/local/Wilcox-County-HS-Students-to-Host-First-Integrated-Prom-201146481.html

    http://www.41nbc.com/news/local-news/21811-wilcox-county-high-students-organize-first-integrated-prom.

    Here’s the groups facebook page:
    https://www.facebook.com/IntegratedProm2013?ref=ts&fref=ts

    Here’s the reaction form a school official:
    http://www.newscentralga.com/news/Wilcox-County-Reacts-201347621.html

    Basically, “It’s not our fault, the parents organize it, it’s just a preference like whether or not you have a DJ, also kids will be kids.” Fuckbrained racist apologetic asshat.

  36. blf says

    My brain is not working.

    Reboot it. THUMB-in-EAR-and-JUMP is, as I recall, the usual CTRL-ATL-DEL sequence for most long pigs, although the more borked models use HEAD-remove-from-ARSE.

  37. UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human form says

    I just said to myself, “I want some music.” So I plugged my headphones in, donned them, and then went to my task bar and … clicked on Adobe Acrobat. I then sat there for a good 40 seconds wondering what was taking so long.

    Yeah, yesterday I went to put on some music, and opened OpenOffice instead. It took me a minute to figure out what I had just done.

  38. rq says

    To be fresh and interesting for a change, I’m going to complain about the snow. And about how there is so much of it still coming down. I’m not going to be seeing any grass on my birthday at this rate. *sigh* Damn you, Global Warming!

  39. rq says

    blf
    Not in the slightest. Where bacon is warm, toasty, crunchy, salty and delicious, snow is white, white, white, eternal, and white.
    I like it in winter.
    It’s not supposed to be winter anymore.
    (outskirts of Riga, Latvia)

  40. Esteleth, stupid fucking starchild Tolkien worshiping douche says

    In cheerful news, the following email just landed in my in box:

    Effective immediately, weekly journal club is changing format. Instead of meeting at 8 am with one person presenting a detailed discussion of a paper, we will meet at 4 pm with a roundtable discussion of whatever we feel is relevant that day, including new techniques, interesting new papers, experimental hangups, etc. A signup sheet to provide refreshments has been posted at [location]. This will be a “happy hour” type of thing, so please bring snacks and drinks (both alcoholic and non).

    :D :D :D

  41. nyarlathotep says

    I decided that today was the day to stop lurking so I’ll introduce myself here. Long story short:

    21 years old, atheist for about 9 years, former would-be political scientist, college dropout, frequently changing political labels (ranging from democratic socialist at most conservative out to communo-/collectivist anarchism), feminist ally-in-training for a year and a half or so (since starting to really follow Pharyngula, basically), reformed old-school 4Channer, and vegan of 6 months going on 7

    I thoroughly look forward to future interactions with the Horde.

  42. Portia says

    Interesting theory, rq. :) I suppose it’s true. Maybe they just weren’t hungry. Occam’s razor and all that.

    Hiya, nyarlathotep. Welcome to the Lounge.

    ======

    I had a really vivid dream about Aunt yelling at me about some unspecified argument, and I was crying in the dream, and I woke up crying and feeling like crap. Thankfully the day has improved from there. Aunt even made an effort (with some success) at respecting when I told my nephew to ask nicely for what he wanted instead of just giving it to him when he made a rude demand (like kids are wont to do).

    There’s a lot of things I want to respond to that I have flagged in my inbox, but I’ll have to go through carefully and catalog them and compose a mega-comment. Which will probably happen tomorrow at the earliest. At any rate, consider yourselves grogged and hugged as needed/desired.

    It’s sunny here, though not very warm. The snow is almost all gone. So sorry you’regetting more, rq. I am totally fed up with winter overstaying its welcome.

  43. rq says

    chigau
    Yes. Chives. One of many, many things I’m waiting for.
    In case of emergency, take a regular onion, sit it on a jar filled with water, and let it root and sprout. Just remember to refresh the water, but the chives are usually extra-strong.

    Welcome, nyarlathotep. The cookies are fresh but the chili may not be. Just sayin’.
    Initiation essay question: thoughts on (1) peas; and (2) horses?

  44. says

    @Portia

    I thought the first part of his statement (“You have to be careful to, first of all, say she is brilliant..”) made it worse. A lot of people don’t quote that part for some reason.

  45. Portia says

    @Asher Kay,

    Oh, jeez, I haven’t even seen that part yet. Adds a facepalm to the headdesk. My hand is smushed. Gods, I hate that shit so much more. “I’m gonna tip toe and be “PC” for the testy gals in the crowd…” I have had it up to here with that crap.

  46. David Marjanović says

    Not caught up.

    …can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner:

    I support FELINISM.

    (But I’m just in it for the pussy). :P

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  47. rq says

    Dammit, Obama, I know countries that look to you to be a shining example of whatever it is America is, because they wish to emulate. Please do better.

  48. David Marjanović says

    Abstract:
    “Ice cores from low latitudes can provide a wealth of unique information about past climate in the tropics, but they are difficult to recover and few exist. Here, we report annually resolved ice core records from the Quelccaya ice cap (5670 masl) in Peru which extend back ~1800 years and provide a high-resolution record of climate variability there. Oxygen isotopic ratios (δ18O) are linked to sea-surface temperatures in the tropical eastern Pacific, while concentrations of ammonium and nitrate document the dominant role played by the migration of the Intertropical Convergence Zone in the region of the tropical Andes. Quelccaya continues to retreat and thin: Radiocarbon dates on wetland plants exposed along its retreating margins indicate it has not been smaller for at least six millennia.”
    I guess “masl” means “meters above sea level”. Full text here.

    German news service: detector on ISS has detected 400,000 excess positrons that may come from the decay of dark matter. There may be clarity in a few months. No published source is cited.

    In cheerful news, the following email just landed in my in box:

    I repeat: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

    I just said to myself, “I want some music.” So I plugged my headphones in, donned them, and then went to my task bar and … clicked on Adobe Acrobat. I then sat there for a good 40 seconds wondering what was taking so long.

    Ah, familiar. Automatic movements. Like typos. :-)

  49. David Marjanović says

    Dammit, Obama, I know countries that look to you to be a shining example of whatever it is America is, because they wish to emulate. Please do better.

    …Yeah.

  50. says

    Egads!
    Have I really been gone a week???
    Sigh.
    Work.
    Well that and it does get rather annoying posting with the phone (not always able to go somewhere to use the laptop).
    ****
    I shot IJoe an email last week , but have not heard anything back. I hope he is ok.
    ****
    nyarlathotep:
    Welcome to the Lounge! I am glad you chose to delurk. Most of us do not bite :)
    ****
    Ummm, how come the thread is not further along than this? I expected you peeps to have moved on to Lounge 412 already.

  51. UnknownEric is GrumpyCat in human form says

    I shot IJoe an email last week , but have not heard anything back. I hope he is ok.

    He posted at B&W a little while ago.

  52. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    In the absence of the detailed local description of the temperature field, the actual two-phase heat transfer coefficient could be employed in this criterion in place of the single-phase heat transfer coefficient. Estimation of the resultant nucleate boiling heat transfer under such conditions is an area where further research is warranted.

    Kandlikar, Satish G, ed-in-chief. Handbook of Phase Change: Boiling and Condensation

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU……..

  53. Esteleth, stupid fucking starchild Tolkien worshiping douche says

    iJoe is active on Twitter, FWIW.

  54. Ing:Intellectual Terrorist "Starting Tonight, People will Whine" says

    I’ve talked to iJoe often on Twitter. To my knowledge there is no massive crisis

  55. Esteleth, stupid fucking starchild Tolkien worshiping douche says

    Asher Kay, at the risk of being pushy, would you be up for grabbing a beer sometime?

  56. cicely (mumblemumble-SomethingHalf-Witty-mumblemumble) says

    And Captain Picard is ALWAYS appreciated. *drool*

    Indeed!
    Of course, there’s also the sub-set of Trek fans who’d be outraged at the choice of Picard over Kirk as the iconic ST figure.

    I’m finding myself wanting to run and hide while I freeze in place.

    Hey, I know this song!

    I hate shouting, too. I find it extremely upsetting.

    And this one, too! In fact, it usually leads straight into the other one….

    I’m also insanely uptight about people going through my stuff without asking first.

    *pause*
    It’s like y’all have snuck a peek at my Personal Internal Playlist.

    Welcome in, nyarlathotep!
    Lookin’ good!
    :)

    Initiation essay question: thoughts on (1) peas; and (2) horses?

    (3) the intersection of peas and Horses?

    Tony!
    *pouncehug*

    I shot IJoe an email last week , but have not heard anything back. I hope he is ok.

    I emailed him as well, asking if he was okay, or at least okay-ish, and he responded with a ‘yes’.
    There’s a new posting up at his site, as of this morning. He sounds to be in reasonable spirits.
    -

  57. rorschach says

    In case you hadn’t heard yet, Australian airline Qantas has banned pork on its Europe flights, because they are flying via Dubai in stead of Singapore now, and as everyone knows, Muslims consider pork unholy. Wouldn’t want to offend them, now would we.

  58. rq says

    Another piece that made me think about some things I have that others don’t.

    I’m glad to hear Improbable Joe seems to be doing ok; I wish he’d stop in and say Hi!

    Hi, Tony! I’ve missed you. I’ve been holding an empty glass for a few days now. No one’s been refilling it. :( *hugs*

  59. rq says

    cicely
    The Personal Internal Playlist seems to have been copy-pasted into several people. Lazy god and all that… *hugs*

  60. chigau (unless...) says

    I can’t ‘run’ and hide so I’m more about standing and fighting.
    I like shouting and I’m good at it.
    Speaking so softly that they hafta shut-up and listen sometimes works, roo.
    Nobody touches my stuff (more than once).

  61. says

    Cicely:
    Fistbump + pouncehug :)

    rq:

    What’s yer poison tonight? Rum? Whiskey? Something frozen (we make the most delicious frozen drink with orange sherbert and tequila…it is…umm…the secular version of divine)?

    all: thanks for the update on Joe.

  62. rq says

    NateHevens
    Thanks for that. :)
    It’s nice to know I’ve been worrying for nothing.

  63. says

    ” Just five cents of “debt” on a pre-paid card led cafeteria employees at Coehio Middle School to tell their pre-teen debtors to go hungry.

    School lunch is often the only reliable meal for many of our country’s poor youths. But rather than make the school cafeteria a safe space for struggling students, one Massachusetts middle school forced kids with negative pre-paid lunch accounts to learn a lesson in frugality; just five cents of “debt” on a pre-paid card led cafeteria employees at Coehio Middle School to tell their pre-teen debtors to dump out the food they would have normally eaten and go hungry. About 25 students left the cafeteria with empty bellies, the company that runs the cafeteria said in a statement.

    http://www.alternet.org/middle-school-forces-hungry-students-throw-out-their-lunches-when-they-couldnt-pay

    The rich get richer, while middle school students are denied lunch.
    Is *this* what is meant by American exceptionalism?
    …pukes…

    (And why the hell do kids even have to PAY for lunch to begin with?)

  64. birgerjohansson says

    Rajiv Koothrappali, the fictional astrophysicist from the TV comedy series “The Big Bang Theory” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raj_Koothrappali

    …and his Special Lunch Talk:
    TITLE: Emission Lines Accompanying Gamma-Ray Flares from the Tidal Disruption of Dyson Spheres by Binary Intermediate-Mass Black Holes at z ~ 10.
    http://scienceblogs.com/catdynamics/2013/04/01/special-lunch-talk/

    Considering the topic, I am rather disappointed the host has not chosen to invite professors Alfred Testa (“The New Cosmogony” et al) and Tarantoga. And regarding spectral lines and exointelligence, Ijon Tichy* established long ago that the well-documented “garbage belts” of obsolete cybernetic devices circling stars in decaying orbits are the cause of absorbtion lines from osmium, gallium and other rare earth metals.

    *”Memories of a Space Traveller”

  65. Parrowing says

    Tony, could I trouble you for something fruity and beery and minty all at once? Does such a thing exist?

    *

    rq & FossilFishy:

    Could I……. maybe be a part of this music thing? I have no skills whatsoever when it comes to writing music but if you wanted more singers, I could do that part. But… is it okay if I make this a tentative request and reserve the right to change my mind when the time comes if I end up feeling way too nervous about it?

    *

    Katherine Lorraine @468:

    Great response! I especially loved the TL;DR at the end :D

  66. opposablethumbs says

    Hi Horde! Hi Horders and Loungers! I finally nearly almost nearly practically just about nearly finished the Big (and Not Very Interesting) Work, so maybe I can catch up a little bit around here now. It’s sort of the best moment in freelancing, but sadly it doesn’t last – it won’t be long before I’m worrying again about work being too quiet …

    I see that a great deal has been going on, and way more than I am going to be able to catch up on (except for maybe having a little snipe at one of our regularly nauseating liars-for-jeebus in the Thunderdome). But I am glad to see that the money-for-selling-car came through at last, Dalillama. Hope that all of you people are well, and that things improve for those who are not.

    Tony, could I have a frozen tequila too? I’ve never had one. (actually drinking a red wine spritzer right now, uncouth though that may seem. Well I like fizzy drinks, but usually don’t like sweet ones. And it means I drink a bit less wine.
    Why is it anyway, that a white wine sprizter is a thing, but doing the same with red wine is Simply Not Done? Or is that a Brit thing?).

  67. Portia says

    I hate when people say “I don’t get why this is so offensive” about something like Obama’s comments about the CA AG and then don’t try to find out. They just decide it’s not offensive because they don’t understand why at first glance. (Yeah, I may have been reading some comments on Zerlina Maxwell’s facebook post about it. Mea culpa). And if I never hear “Wut’s this world coming to when a man can’t complement [sic] a woman???” again, it’ll be too soon.

  68. opposablethumbs says

    Making kids go hungry right through the school day (at minimum) is appalling. They should give the kids the food and claim the money from their parents _IF and only if_ those parents can afford it (and I don’t mean “afford” it by not paying for something else equally essential) . If they can’t, then kids in that situation should be on free school meals anyway, dammit.

    You can’t learn if you’re that hungry.

    Stupid ugly cruel system.

  69. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Trigger warning for Max Dick McMacho’s comments in the Libertarian thread.

    I probably should have put one there, but the in-characterness got the best of me. I’ll do better next time.

  70. says

    Rush Limbaugh has declared that science is a “branch of the Democrat Party.”

    He also declared that the media is a branch of the “Democrat” Party. (I don’t know why Republicans find it impossible to say “Democratic Party.” Sarah Palin also uses “Democrat Party.”)

    After declaring science and the media easily ignorable as sources of reality or truth, Limbaugh gave an iPad to a13-year-old kid who supposedly proved that climate change is a hoax.

    “It was really easy for me to find this evidence, really easy,” said young Alex. “I believe the reason that the liberals do not have the evidence [that it’s a hoax] is because they do not want the evidence. They don’t want to hear that it’s wrong.”

    Full text of Lush Dimbulb’s comments:

    Folks, just exactly as the news media is no longer about the news, there aren’t any news outlets, it’s a branch of the Democrat Party, so too is much of science today. The Democrats have literally politicized everything they can use to expand government, which is their primary objective. Whatever they can do to grow government, they will politicize it… ‘The consensus of scientists.’ Well, they are all politicized as well. The global warming scientists are just Democrats, folks. They are all part of an agenda. It’s where they get their money, it’s where they get their funding to study all this stuff… Government money, grant money. So they’re all part of the agenda.

    http://www.salon.com/2013/04/05/limbaugh_rewards_child_climate_skeptic_with_an_ipad/

  71. glodson says

    @ Crip Dyke

    It is scary how closely that persona sounds like some of the idiots I’ve seen. But man, every time I see that name, I know the post is going to be great.

  72. rq says

    Parrowing
    That’s a big YES on the music thing. Anyone is welcome! Mistakes allowed! Fun to be had! :)

    Good night, all.

  73. Portia says

    opposablethumbs
    I’ve gotten weird looks about doing a spritzer with red wine. I guess the only thing you’re supposed to “make” with red wine is sangria. *shrug* I like fizzy things, too.

    Glad to hear iJoe is doing ok. I was wondering.

    And I’m still wondering about Strange Gods. It’s been a while.

    WTF, Evolution? I haven’t read very far but I am already amused.

  74. Max Dick McMacho [100% all manly, virile, masculine, male, manliness - now with 40% more Straight!] says

    It’d be interesting to see if others might be willing to use it during those frequent times when men in threads dismiss/ignore the words of commenters with overtly feminized names.

    I’d love to have more fun with it, but I don’t often get consistently ignored in threads like I did get/am getting from Dietwald. Of course, that’s because most of the time I’m talking to y’all and not the Dietwalds of the world.

    Also, most recent post not exactly fun. I probably should have just written it under crip dyke, but he finally actually addressed me so I had to use Max back.

  75. glodson says

    I wonder if he’s figured out who he replying to.

    He is dense. I almost said surprisingly, but I thought of my own experiences talking politics with people like that. Par for the course.

  76. Parrowing says

    Thanks rq, and good night.

    *

    I’ve been wondering about Strange Gods and also katenrala.

  77. opposablethumbs says

    Queer-friendly SF/Fantasy, free! (today only) – The Kindly Ones by Melissa Scott

    recommended to me by a friend – I haven’t read it yet! – But maybe you all might like a look (this may be available in the US and UK only :-( – I’m not sure)

    http://mescott.livejournal.com/31493.html and she links to the amazon page.

  78. says

    The Salt Lake Tribune posted an announcement about an upcoming atheist convention. That should get some mormon sacred undies in a twist.

    Nonbelievers from across the country will descend on Salt Lake City, headquarters of the LDS Church, next year at this time.

    American Atheists has chosen Utah for its 2014 convention, a four-day gathering from April 17 through 20 for an estimated 1,000 or more participants to discuss issues such as civil rights, women’s roles in the movement and outreach….

    The group will be “shining a spotlight on the LDS Church to highlight the fact that it is an oppressive organization that wields too much power in Utah and surrounding states,” Ellis wrote in an email. “Mormons raised more than $20 million in support of the homophobic and hate-driven Proposition 8 in California that denied the civil right of marriage equality to the LGBTQ community.”

    The battle between the two groups also played out during the 2012 presidential campaign….

    http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/56108296-80/atheists-utah-convention-american.html.csp

  79. says

    In reference to my post @602, here are some reader comments from the Salt Lake Tribune article:

    Coming to SLC to push a message that the LDS Church is an oppressive, hateful organization is hardly a gesture of friendship.

    I hear that Atheist’s tip better, and that is coming from a server. Not much in it for servers during General Conference. So yes, we welcome the Atheists and their money.

    How about: Simply intolerant, insufferable, pedantic and arrogant (not to mention sexist).

    Just as some think that religion frees them from the limitations of our nature, atheists believe science and reason can perfect the human species with the same contemptuous and naive approach. It looks like “religions” are very similar whether they are God centered or not.

    Funny how some say they don’t believe in God until someone sticks a gun too their head then its, Oh God please save me?

  80. opposablethumbs says

    So I’m not the only red-wine-spritzer drinker? Portia, you are clearly a person of taste and discernment :-)

    American Atheists will have, um, fun in Salt Lake City, I guess. Mind you, that probably applies in most parts of the US …

  81. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    The next dish the Redhead wants me to cook is chicken paprikash. She had me grab a cookbook from shortly after we were married. A bit worn by now. But this weekend I have to work on taxes. I suspect our medical expenses from last year will make it worth filing a 1040 again for this year…The last mortgage payment is in a couple of months, so the interest deduction from that has been irrelevant for a few years…

  82. Esteleth, stupid fucking starchild Tolkien worshiping douche says

    As someone with the same employer as the cupcake who is the subject of That Damn Thread, I’m incredibly depressed and pissed off. As is most everyone at work I talk to, FWIW. Scuttlebutt is that a search of the bylaws is underway, to find a punishable-by-firing rule he broke.

  83. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Of course…

    …I would never have gotten up the courage to post this were I not at EXACTLY the right state of sobering up and I’ve been left in an apparently permanent state of expecting the goddamn rug to be pulled at any second, which certain people here were so courteous as to supply pretty much ALL the nails in the lid on, and mocked the living shit out of me the last time I brought up that fear in a badly botched attempt to apologize with dignity. Although perhaps someone will be along sooner or later to assure me that things didn’t happen according to the memories I’ve lived with for years and actually had a nightmare or two about, and call me a liar because, hey, it’s ONLY my lived experience, no need to let that distract from what someone else considers important. I MEAN, WHAT’S A LITTLE GASLIGHTING BETWEEN FRIENDS?!

    Thank you, commentariat, for the beautiful illustration from both sides of how many days’ journey into complete monster territory you can just stumble when the only pain you’ll admit is real is your own.

    Let me get back to you when the feelings are back in their cages.

  84. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Sorry I wasn’t around when you needed me, Nate.

    Hope you started on the first page of comments. I used Max b/c Dietwald was ignoring me when I flat out disproved some of the things he was saying. It seemed like he was replying to everyone *but* me. Maybe my rebuttals weren’t as water-tight as they seem without a response, but it felt like he was arguing with a bunch of people whose nyms could be those of men, and Sally. Yet somehow, for some reason, he was ignoring me. I thought for sure it couldn’t have to do with sexism, but then he responded to a point or two that were touched on in one of my posts, so I thought, y’know, what I really need is a more masculine nym to get taken seriously by this guy.

    Didn’t help much, at least in the being taken seriously department. But most of the posts were fun to craft. I’ll let you guess which one wasn’t.

  85. cicely (mumblemumble-SomethingHalf-Witty-mumblemumble) says

    *appropriate, non-threatening, non-intrusive gesture of support* for Azkyroth.
    -

  86. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Azkyroth, I send USB hugs and WiFi solace.

  87. The Mellow Monkey says

    You’re in my thoughts tonight, Azkyroth. Dittoing whatever non-intrusive gestures of support are appropriate.

  88. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Azkyroth

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re suffering. I hope that whatever’s wrong eases enough to allow you to tell us about it. I’ve been in what I assume is a similar place, oh yes indeedy. That special place where I can’t talk about it because it’s too hard; I fear that I’ll crack open and never recover. And when things ease and the immediacy is gone I’m just too drained and fearful of a repetition to bring it up. A true no win. All the hugz, and/or chocolate, and/or booze, and/or calming manatees to you.

  89. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist) says

    Parrowing

    You’re in.

    We haven’t really figured out details of how this will work yet. It might end up with the mailing of CDs back and forth. (I know, how quaint!)

    I haven’t started yet because….er, reasons. Well, the truth is that I’ve been working on what really could only be described as a musical sketch. The damn thing has been bugging me forever. It will never be finished in a manner that would be worthy of commercial sale, but I want to tidy it up enough to share here. I feel like if I can’t even get to that point with something I’ve worked on as long as I have with this piece, starting anything new would be futile. A bit silly that, but there it is.

    Anyway, you’re more than welcome, the more the better plausible deniablity merrier. Besides, when you hear the damn thing I’ve been working on, well, you’ll understand just how happy I’ll be to have people involved who are willing to sing. :)

  90. glodson says

    *appropriate, non-threatening, non-intrusive gesture of support* for Azkyroth.

    Sorry to just repeat this, but I don’t think I can put it any better and could do much worse.

  91. says

    *off-key singing, head-banging, and general rocking out*

    I’m gonna organize some changes in my life
    I’m gonna exercise the demons of my past
    I’m gonna take the car and hit the open road
    I’m feeling ready to just open up and go

    And I just feel I can be anything
    That all I might ever wish to be
    And fantasize just what I want to be
    Make my wildest dreams come true

    I’m on my way
    Out on my own again
    I’m on my way
    Out on the road again

    When I remember back to how that things just used to be
    And I was stuck inside a shroud of misery
    I felt I’d disappear so deep inside myself
    I couldn’t find a way to break away my hell

    When I’m feeling down and low
    I vow I’ll never be the same again
    I just remember what I am
    And visualize just what I’m gonna be

    I’m on my way
    Out on my own again
    I’m on my way
    I’m gonna breakaway

    I’m gonna breakaway
    I’m out on my own, I’m out on my own
    C’mon break away, break it away

    I’m on my way
    Out on my own again
    I’m on my way
    Out on the road again

    I’m on my way
    Out on my own again
    I’m on my way
    I’m gonna breakaway

    ….so…. yeah. I know a lot of heavy metal is totes misogynistic (hell, so’s a lot of mainstream rock), but I’m pretty selective about bands. Iron Maiden lacks the “wimminz iz objectz” thing, aiming more for “let’s riff on mythology” and a lot of, like, socially-conscious shit ends up in there, too.

  92. says

    Good morning
    Went to brother in law’s Vernisage last night, which went really well.
    Stereotypically the women in his family (me, my mum in law) saw and recognized that there was a bit of shortage on catering people (the whole thing is self-organized. He rented a room for three days to put out his pictures) while his boyfriend was happily chatting to other people the whole night. Because duh, why make sure your SO’s guests get their champagne galsses refilled and their little snacks put out so the whole thing becomes a success when there’s women there to do that *eyeroll*

    Hi nyarlathotep

    Safe hugs to Azkyroth

  93. rq says

    *appropriate, non-threatening, non-intrusive gesture of support* for Azkyroth.

    Yes, Azkyroth, I’m joining in!

    FossilFishy
    Mailing CDs?? My goodness, how outdated we are! :D Somehow strangely appropriate. Because. I need to find a good music editing program from my sibling-brothers, that way we can maybe share around some sheet-like music, too. I work better on the written note.
    That being said, I have to figure out how to reasonably record this stuff we’ll be creating.
    But that’s all logistics, good luck with the musical sketch; I’m good at erasing the tracing lines. ;)

  94. rq says

    Horde, I thank you for teaching me how to take down an argument, both by structuring it well, and by using supporting evidence, and for presenting the right questions/points. (Still getting anti-fluoride articles sent by Friend, who, I think, wants to be convinced that it’s good, but who somehow believes that it’s bad… Latest from the Huffington Post. I will bring her to the Light!!)

  95. says

    Paging beatrice, paging beatrice
    We are contemplating spending the summer holiday in Croatia.
    Nothing sure yet, just an idea…
    can I pick your brain?
    We want to go to the sea-side, and a zoo in the vicinity would be a huge plus.
    So would be a meeting with beatrice.

  96. carlie says

    Azkyroth – first link doesn’t work, so I don’t know what this is about either. Sounds like some harsh treatment on another thread, maybe? I value your presence here, and if that’s what it is, please keep in mind these fights come up not infrequently and although our fuses are often short, our ability to reconcile in a way that works for all upset parties is pretty good. I hope that happens with whatever is going on.

  97. Portia says

    I’m not sure what’s up with Azkyroth, either, but 30 minutes before he posted the above, he posted this.
    —–
    *hugs* or whatever would help, Azkyroth.

    ——

    I was woken up at 2:30 this morning by repeated calls from an undoubtedly drunken Jerkfriend (that one of the Valentine’s Day Incident wherein I literally ran for my safety). I sent the first two calls to voicemail, then just silenced the third one with hopes that listening to more rings would make him give up. I think I was right, but I just turned off my phone so I can’t be sure. I sort of want to tell him to never call me again but on the other hand I don’t want to acknowledge him… (no messages with any of the calls). I’m still trying to shake the unsettled feeling I have from it.

  98. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Portia, crap.

    That kind of thing is often not a prelude to anything, but it definitely can be, and not knowing is the F’n worst.

    I wish I could get you & Azkyroth & some most excellent tea in the same room and snug you both until you were fine.

    Take these words, for now, instead.

  99. rq says

    *hugs* Portia.
    I’m not sure what to recommend in this case, so I’m not going to recommend anything – but I do have several (conflicting) thoughts on it. Either way, definitely unsettling.
    (He didn’t actually leave any messages, did he?)

  100. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    @rq

    He almost certainly did, but I don’t want Portia to feel like she’s supposed to verify whether any message was just a couple seconds of him hanging up or if he said anything. I worked in a shelter for a number of years. To call repeatedly and not leave a message is more than possible, but it’s not likely in this scenario. Usually people who do that do it over the long term. It’s deliberate harassment. People who go without calling for a while and then make a spurt of calls? Almost always think they have something dreadfully important to communicate.

    Please, Portia, don’t investigate the content on our account. Do it for yourself or not at all.

  101. Portia says

    Crip Dyke and rq:
    No, no messages at all. I checked last night just on the small chance there was something important.

    He just called again.

    And that jelly feeling in my gut is back.

    I hope he’s just calling to apologize for last night.
    Who knows.

    I really appreciate the feedback from y’all.

    I could use some comforting snuggling, CD. I will scoop up a niece, I think. She always loves to give me hugs.

  102. Portia says

    Oh shit, just checked my text messages…:

    Jerk: Seriously need a hand right now. 2:21 AM
    Jerk: Ok, give me a call when you get a sec. 2:22 AM
    Jerk: Got a job for ya 4:17 AM

  103. Portia says

    And just now:
    Jerk: [Portia], please. I need some help from someone I can trust and speak candidly to. 9:41 AM

    Fuck, maybe he was in jail last night.

  104. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Yer a lawyer? If I knew that, I’d forgotten it.

    You can ethically act for him in the short term and hand him off once he’s out – if indeed he’s in. I think that if it would be bad for you to be his lawyer, it would be bad for him to have you as his lawyer. Think “advocate” – could you put your heart into advocating for him? It’s often easy to do the advocating at the initial stage (everyone deserves bail, I’m just helping you arrange that; everyone deserves to understand the arraignment process, I’m just making sure you do), but it can be more difficult later.

    This is, of course, not taken from representing anyone myself – even after I graduate I’m unlikely to practice criminal law. But if it resonates as right with you, you can use those thoughts to make a decision.

    Is there anyone to whom you could hand him off? Do you live in a well-populated area with lots of lawyers? Would he face any particular barriers to hiring and/or working with a lawyer other than you? A couple other questions to think about.

    Anyway, I hope things go well – and go grab that niefling!

  105. Pteryxx says

    Portia: after the jerk behavior and being cavalier with your safety (IIRC)… now HE needs someone HE can trust? More likely he’s running out of people still willing to whiz on him when he’s on fire.

    Please give it some thought: what do you expect him to do if you ignore the calls? What do you expect will happen if you answer and hear him out, or even offer to help? Do you think you could listen and then say ‘no, you’re a jerk’ and have that go well?

    *belated anklehugs* for Azkyroth. Hope whatever happened is losing its grip a bit in the daylight.

  106. rq says

    Crip Dyke
    Yes, I see your point. To clarify, my question was meant as an Are there any messages? rather than a What’s in the messages? because to be honest I don’t think they need to be listened to (the messages).
    Which kind of indicates the pointlessness of the question, but anyway.
    Portia, what Crip Dyke said about any possible messages. I apologise if my comment felt like pressure, it wasn’t meant as an indication of tell-me. Sorry.

  107. rq says

    Portia
    I’d have a hard time representing him, or advocating for him, especially since he gives me unsettled feelings, and I don’t even know him, am not receiving any calls from him, and I’m like a continent and an ocean away.
    And after the creepy texts, Iiiii don’t think you should help him out. What if he wasn’t in jail, and it’s just a way of getting you to pick up and talk to him?

  108. Pteryxx says

    Also what Crip Dyke said… I’d forgotten it too. In my humble stranger’s opinion, nobody should have to engage in a professional service relationship with someone who has directly and personally made them feel unsafe. Even some abortion providers won’t do it, rather they refer the troublesome person to someone uninvolved. As a lawyer your ostensible service relationship would involve keeping his confidentiality, right?

  109. thunk, warm air advection says

    Yeah. IANAEOA (i’m not an expert on anything), but that sort of relationship would very likely end badly. *hugs* to Portia.

  110. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    @ rq

    I didn’t mean it to be …I don’t know, a criticism of you or your statement rq. I suppose it is in an implied way.

    I just meant to add to your statement. I didn’t think you’d disagree with me in any way about whether your curiosity should dictate Portia’s actions. I’m just rather aware of how I respond and how clients have responded sometimes when people have asked me/them questions like that. It occurred to me that Portia might have similar thoughts. So I though something into the mix.

    Sorry if I didn’t it in a way that felt bad to you. Totally not my intent – which is totes magic, y’know?

  111. rq says

    Crip Dyke
    Oh yeah, all that magic leaking off of everyone’s intent… The world is full of it! Look, it’s god!
    I wasn’t insulted and I don’t feel bad (because I (try to) make an effort to read every bit of text as neutrally as possible because no non-verbal cues and all that), I felt a bit educated, and I thought it worth clarifying, just in case. :) Because communicating should have a manual, but it’s all about learning on the job.
    And I appreciate your input from the professional point of view, seeing as my point of view is purely instinct based, and probably could use tweaking, most of the time!

  112. Portia says

    Yes, I’m a lawyer. Yes, turns out he was in jail.
    Me: What is it that couldn’t be said in a voicemail. 9:55 AM
    Jerk: I didn’t know a voicemail was required… Sorry. Can we talk? 9:57 AM
    Me: About what. 9:57 AM
    Jerk: About your services as a lawyer. Would that be something you would lend to me at this time? 9:59 AM
    Jerk: If you’re opposed to that, could you recommend another lawyer? 10:07 AM

    —–

    I sort of put off any decision about it by referring him to non-lawyer services he needs. I will probably refer him to someone else but it’s a fairly simple matter that I could probably handle without much trouble. I called back after his fifth or sixth call (I refused to answer the last one even though I had psyched myself up to talk to him and was ready to, because it was going to be on my terms). He said hello, and I asked what was going on. He said he’d get to that in a minute, but first, “Why are you still grumpy?”

    I scoffed at him and said “Are you serious?” he said “I just want to know that after all we’ve been through, we’re still friends.” “You said you wouldn’t talk to me again until I apologized, but apparently that doesn’t apply when you have an emergency. So what’s the emergency.” Then he told me. (I won’t go into it here, but it’s probably what you’d imagine given his refreshments last time we hung out).

    More likely he’s running out of people still willing to whiz on him when he’s on fire.

    Ha! Probably true….

    Please give it some thought: what do you expect him to do if you ignore the calls? What do you expect will happen if you answer and hear him out, or even offer to help? Do you think you could listen and then say ‘no, you’re a jerk’ and have that go well?

    Sound advice. Ignoring the calls didn’t seem to work, he was in a desperate panicky mode, it seemed like. Of course, that’s more entitlement. (And zero understanding of what went wrong with the friendship). I basically did tell him I still think he’s a jerk, and said maybe we could talk again after he gets those other services I mentioned. I’m going to give myself a little time to think about whether to refer him out.

    Crip Dyke

    This is, of course, not taken from representing anyone myself – even after I graduate I’m unlikely to practice criminal law. But if it resonates as right with you, you can use those thoughts to make a decision.

    Is there anyone to whom you could hand him off? Do you live in a well-populated area with lots of lawyers? Would he face any particular barriers to hiring and/or working with a lawyer other than you? A couple other questions to think about.

    Your thoughts do resonate. I actually have a friend I refer to a lot, we do similar work and refer when we have something we have a conflict on or otherwise don’t want to handle it.

    rq
    No worries at all, I didn’t feel pressured. And even if I did, you are so conscientious that I never think your motives are anything but good. ♥

    Thanks for the hugs, thunk.

    And ♥♥♥♥ to everyone helping me process this. I thank you all for your thoughts. I may be a while before responding more because we’re packing up to head back west now (leaving my mom’s) so I’ll be offline most of the day. But I will certainly be back and appreciative of all your thoughts.
    xoxo

  113. rq says

    Portia
    Have a safe trip back!
    And I think I haven’t mentioned lately that I admire you.
    I do.
    ♥ back!

  114. chigau (unless...) says

    Portia
    Don’t be his lawyer.
    You don’t owe him anything.
    Change your phone number.

  115. Portia says

    rq and Crip Dyke
    That replaces the jelly feeling with a warm fuzzy feeling. Thank you both.

    To be clear, if I were to represent him, it wouldn’t be for free. Or even discounted. So it wouldn’t be particular favors. The only favor I did him today was be available on a Saturday, which isn’t unusual for me anyway.

    At the end of our phone convo, he expressed a lot of appreciation. I said, “Uh huh, bye.”
    Then received this text, which either shows the start of some self-awareness or a good effort at skin-saving by appearing contrite:
    “I know it doesn’t mean as much now, but I am sorry for the way I left things. Nothing that happened was worth losing a close friend over. Especially one that’s kind enough to come through even after a tough spat. Sorry [Portia], and I really appreciate the help even if I don’t deserve it. Thanks.”

  116. rq says

    Should have read: Even though I don’t deserve it.
    Just sayin’.
    And I am more inclined towards chigau’s point of view (that is, refer him and you don’t owe him anything). But leave it to you, Portia, to be more charitable and less ornery than some people I know. *points elbows at self* (This is a good thing.)

  117. says

    Rachel Maddow presented a great segment on the Republican tendency to get lost if they don’t have a bedroom intrusion agenda, or a by-religious-christian-force agenda. The video begins with the Republican mixed bag of nuts (14 of ‘em) that have finally given up on their bill to establish a state religion, and then continues to summarize Republican efforts to restrict divorce, to shut down abortion clinics, etc.

    States like North Carolina are showing up what its like to have a Republican Governor and legislature. States governed by Republicans equals really big government intrusion in many ways. Arkansas rejected the Equal Rights Amendment. North Dakota banned abortions. In Texas legislators took action to block sex education. In Ohio there is a push to allow employers to decide whether or not their female employees get birth control. In Texas legislators rescinded funding for women’s centers at all public colleges across the state.

    And there’s more …. including anti-sodomy laws.

    This is what Republicans are doing at the state level. Unfortunately, a lot of this incredibly bad governance goes unreported in the national media. They cover Republicans saying a bunch of stuff about engaging with women, with immigrants, with poor people …. but they don’t cover the actual awfulness of the laws, of the anti-modern tactics of the Republican Party.

  118. says

    Liberty University, an evangelical school in Lynchburg, has decided that students will be allowed to carry loaded firearms on campus.

    You can’t kiss, dance or play music god doesn’t like at Liberty University, but you can pack iron. You also can’t see any R-rated movies, so I assume they have other methods of training students to look and act like thugs, or worse yet, to act like deranged christian warriors. If you plan on visiting L.U., you too may pack loaded iron on campus.

    http://www.wset.com/story/21873171/lu-changes-concealed-carry-policy

  119. carlie says

    Portia – I’m so sorry this is happening. Being a terrible bitter person, I’m inclined to see his last text as skin-saving, especially since he’s still hoping you’ll help him out. Maybe you could give him whatever reference but tell him you don’t want to talk to him while he’s in a crisis?

  120. ednaz says

    Portia,
    This is my third try.

    In my first draft, I wrote out my interpretation of his messages, but it was just one long Trigger Warning.

    In my second draft, I said I was sorry you had to deal with the Drunk Jerk and that I am evil and what I would do to him.

    Here is what I want to say:

    Dear Portia,
    I am sorry you had to deal with Drunk Jerk Asshole.
    I think handing him off to another lawyer is an excellent idea.
    Please take care of yourself. You owe him nothing.

    Also, You are awesome.
    If you don’t believe it, read the previous sentence again.

    Your friend,
    ednaz

  121. says

    Portia, the guy sounds almost like a compulsive groomer and manipulator. Do what is best for yourself and don’t believe a word he says … or texts.

  122. says

    < venting about my home life >
    So no sooner is the immediate financial issue solved, relationship problems crop up instead. D had an episode the other night, triggered (I think) by, among other things, her conviction that we’ll throw her out soon, because no one else has let her stay more than a year. The nature of it was such that L is feeling betrayed, deceived, and rejected, which is tearing at a lot of his old wounds, so he’s still really upset and angry. I’m trying to be as supportive to them as I can, but I have a lot of my own emotions tied up in this too, and I’m not sure how much of what I’m doing is driven by my own wants. I realize I’m being kind of vague and possibly not terribly coherent, I’m not really very good at talking about my life or the people who are close to me.
    < /venting about my home life >