Comments

  1. Tigger_the_Wing, Melanin Deficient says

    Damn. Portcullised and for the first time in ages I didn’t copy the comment before sending. :(

  2. carlie says

    rorschach – I’ve been hoping you weren’t ignoring us on purpose. :)

    Ah yes, the store tantrum. Either you’re spoiling the child by trying to make the tantrum stop, or you’re being a bad person by making other people listen to them cry. And then there’s the fun of “Yes, our child is screaming his head off. We are just starting to understand it is some kind of sensory overload or unmet expectations meltdown. It will be a few years yet before we get a diagnosis, and in the meantime it’s totally trial and error figuring out what causes these thing to happen because right now it appears random to us. All we know is that we’re now in for at least another hour and a half of this before he falls asleep in exhaustion no matter what we do for him at this point, and any plans we had for the rest of the day are now scuttled. So sorry for the five minutes you heard him across the aisle before we gave up and walked out the door on the way to the rest of our completely wrecked day.”

  3. says

    Tigger
    Just try the return button on your browser, usually it’s still in the cache
    I know because I have a habbit of typing a comment, previewing it, then forgetting to post it only to go looking for my comment an hour later…

  4. says

    All we know is that we’re now in for at least another hour and a half of this before he falls asleep in exhaustion no matter what we do for him at this point, and any plans we had for the rest of the day are now scuttled. So sorry for the five minutes you heard him across the aisle before we gave up and walked out the door on the way to the rest of our completely wrecked day.”

    This! (Luckily, mine did never do that, he gets his periods of unhappiness when the financial portcullis comes down in Toys’R”Us, but I’ve brought him up with the 2-toy rule, so he knows what the go is, and we have never had any major meltdown). I think kids do well with clear rules that are consequently enforced. Mixed signals is the path to the dark side.

  5. rq says

    Giliell
    But that works only if you’ve previewed, right? If I go right to Post, then I lose the comment (in my experience, at least).

  6. Tigger_the_Wing, Melanin Deficient says

    There are usually only two reasons for a child to be making a fuss: distress, in which case the parent/carer is already doing everything they can to mitigate it; and naughtiness, in which case ignoring the behaviour is the only way to prevent a repeat performance the next time they go shopping.

    I find that a wry smile and “I remember that stage. It does get better!” often helps the poor harrassed parent and me, as well. They no longer feel that everyone in the shop is hostile, and I feel good for cheering someone up a bit. Occasionally, just a quick word/pulling a silly face to the child is enough of a distraction that it short-circuits the process and they turn the noise down or off. Bliss!

    I do understand the distress the sound makes; in a supermarket my autistic brain is already at the end of its tether from trying to cope with flickering and buzzing lights, hideous piped ‘music’ and aisles that are cluttered with stuff making them too narrow for the wheelchair trolley (wider than standard trolleys to accomodate the wheelchair). Have you ever tried reversing up an aisle with one?! Ugh…

    But the noise isn’t aimed at me, so I just have to bear it. It’s worse for the parent in charge, believe me!

  7. says

    rq
    Hmm, don’t know, I’m trying now….
    No, still works. I typed the above, went to Thunderdome, used the back-button and it was still there

    carlie
    Oh damn. Those tantrums are exhausting even with a neurotypical child.
    Seriously, does anybody believe that parents enjoy that shit? We’d rather just go shopping.

    But yeah, rules and training and credible consequences. It makes it already almost enjoyable taking them to the shopping centre because by now the worst hazzard is unexpected needs to pee when you’re at the maximum distance from the toilet. They know there will be ice-cream in the end, but only if I’m not totally freaking out already anyway. And #1 knows that for usual shopping “I will take you by the hand and only let you go when we’re at the car” is going to happen. Even though that might mistreat other customers because she starts to cry. Would they rather have her push the trolley into their legs?

    +++
    So, off to exam now, wish me luck

  8. Tigger_the_Wing, Melanin Deficient says

    I was feeling really fed up with this fever, and the accompanying sweating; then reminded myself how much better sweating is, than having a heart that doesn’t pump properly so I couldn’t sweat. I’m feeling better about it now. =^_^=

  9. Portia, who will be okay. says

    WMDKitty from last thread: The commentariat is why I stopped writing for Friendly Atheist. It was just too annoying. But then, no one has ever accused me of being an accommodationist.

    Parrowing:

    Thanks for mentioning Galentine’s Day, Portia. I don’t watch Parks and Recs so I hadn’t heard of it, but I actually received a Galentine’s Day message from a friend later in the day and understood why, thanks to you. :)

    Oh, fun! Glad to help :)

    Tigger and rq:
    Lots of hot tea and heating pads. Feel better!

  10. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Portia:

    The commentariat is why I stopped writing for Friendly Atheist.

    You wrote over there? Hmm, I guess I stopped reading before then. And I stopped reading for the same reason you stopped writing.

    *

    Good luck, Giliell!

  11. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Well, Hemant required that I write using my real name. I quit maybe a year ago after a few months of near-fatal eye rolls.

  12. Ogvorbis says

    And then there’s the fun of “Yes, our child is screaming his head off. We are just starting to understand it is some kind of sensory overload or unmet expectations meltdown. It will be a few years yet before we get a diagnosis, and in the meantime it’s totally trial and error figuring out what causes these thing to happen because right now it appears random to us. All we know is that we’re now in for at least another hour and a half of this before he falls asleep in exhaustion no matter what we do for him at this point, and any plans we had for the rest of the day are now scuttled. So sorry for the five minutes you heard him across the aisle before we gave up and walked out the door on the way to the rest of our completely wrecked day.”

    Been there, done that. With Boy. The bad news for us? It took years to figure out what was going on and get treatment. The good news? He did grow out of it. In high school. And he is now a senior heading for a BA in history. Hugs to Carlie.

    Threadrupt.

    Waiting for the shoe to drop.

    Sick.

    Going to make turkey pot pie for dinner (brined turkey breast and veggies (yes, there will be peas!) and Pillsbury pizza dough for the crust).

  13. Owlglass says

    Good look to you!

    I’d like to share this totally adorable video. You won’t click on my stuff, because you think it’s something offsetting, but that’s the lounge and you really should. Take a tea, or coffee and stick through it. :)

    the Scared is scared.

  14. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Portia:

    That’s very strange. Seems like there would be a lot of potential writers who would not be able to use their real names. I considered applying when he put out the call. Kind of glad I didn’t (not that I think he would have picked me).

  15. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Parrowing:

    I suppose you’re right, but *shrug* that’s how he wanted it, for whatever reason. I also may not be cut out to have my words picked apart by every asshole with a keyboard. *moarshrugs*

    You have a great voice, I’m sure you would have been great at it. :)

  16. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Thanks, Portia :). I tried the blogging about atheism thing but found out that I didn’t have much to say after a little while. I am also unsure whether I can handle being picked apart to that degree… but I guess I better be prepared if I ever do actually get something published. *sigh*

  17. Cannabinaceae says

    My main problem with writing about “issues” in an online setting is the large number of folks who think that the only way to interact with such prose is adversarial.

    My suspicion is that such folk tend to feel like they “win” “arguments” because most of the adversarial conversations they get into end up with their adversary simply giving up against the unending onslaught of pick-pick-pick non sequiturs, and they want to keep repeating that “winning” feeling.

    My sincerity leads me to devote too much time addressing their nonsensical claptrap, and I end up feeling extremely upset when there is no evidence that I am “getting through” in any noticeable way.

    Thus, I mainly only speak of matters of taste (in particular food and beer), about which I don’t care whether somebody disagrees with me, thus relieving me of the “becoming upset” burden. I admire the commentariat here who do not share my weakness.

    For example, I think that the pot pie is an excellent vehicle for peas.

  18. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Parrowing:

    Yeah, the format of FA is good for keeping it going because a lot of it is commentary on news and current events.

    Cannabinaceae:

    I think you might be right about that. I got particularly annoyed over there because I’d right something about a woman Republican and of course someone would comment about her looks, and no one but me would give half a damn. : p

    Your feelings about argumentation are exactly what I was going through yesterday with the asshole on facebook. I tend to get frustrated and upset, too. Especially with people who are treating basic human rights (mine, natch) like an academic exercise.

    Anyway…I agrees about peas and pot pie.
    Now join me in a *duck and cover* maneuver!

  19. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Meant to say in my last comment (can’t help posting followups, lately)

    Parrowing:
    Sorry if I’ve missed it before, but is getting published something you’re working towards? I think that’s really cool.

    Ogvorbis:

    *hot tea* for you too. Feel better : /

  20. dianne says

    Tantrums: Seeing a small child having a tantrum terrifies me. Not because I can’t stand to hear a small child scream for 5 minutes, but because I worry that the parent will lose it and start beating or emotionally abusing the child. I try to smile at the parent and say something reassuring on the grounds that that will lessen the tension and make the parent feel better, which may also decrease the risk of them attacking the kid. The kid, of course, is not going to feel better until he/she is ready to and sometimes there’s just not much you can do about that.

  21. says

    Good morning Vietn— what? Not doing that anymore? OK…

    Last Lounge shopping thing: I don’t understand old people shopping. All that picking up and touching and staring and picking up again and shaking and turning over and knocking and picking up AGAIN. The way I see it, life is fucking short. 30-40 years from now, life will be REALLY short. I don’t plan on spending a whole lot of what time is left agonizing over bags of flour or packages of chicken breasts.

  22. The Mellow Monkey says

    Cannabunaceae

    My main problem with writing about “issues” in an online setting is the large number of folks who think that the only way to interact with such prose is adversarial.

    QFT

    The bizarre thing is that the adversarial approach is actually applied to everything. You shared a picture of a diaper cake on your blog? “OMG U ASSHOLE”. You posted a recipe? “HOW DARE YOU USE A MICROWAVE.”

    I used to blog about LGBTQIA issues, but stopped years ago. Even today, I still get hate mail about how I must be a homophobe for criticizing celebrities who exploit queer identity. I know I have some really stupid reviews on Amazon and Goodreads for my books, but those aren’t my site, so I can ignore them. The last stupid one I read was complaining about how a book was in a series and so the reader would have to read multiple books just to find out what happened. Quel horreur!

    Actually getting that idiocy on a daily basis on stuff that genuinely matters would be maddening.

  23. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    You posted a recipe? “HOW DARE YOU USE A MICROWAVE.”

    well, seriously. A microwave?

    /ducks

  24. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    speaking of blogging, I should start.

    But not real-name-wise, that would get me in a tricky situation.

  25. says

    Hi there
    Still in the exam room waiting for the whole thing to finish. Yes I have already handed in my paper. But we need Top wait until time is up. Apart from the overgrown toddler who screamed “you cant make me stay!!!!” everybody got it. And I think I passed

  26. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    I’m with dianne on this one. Yes, tantrums can be maddening. But they are not really something one can stop at short notice. And that can be frustrating, that’s entirely understandable. So *hugs and kittens or other cute things of choice* for both carlie and Spawn.

  27. Nepenthe says

    Set: 53 s Brain set to off. “Found” the same set 3 times.

    Pot pie and peas are wonderful.

  28. Owlglass says

    @31, Cannabinaceae
    My main problem with writing about “issues” in an online setting is the large number of folks who think that the only way to interact with such prose is adversarial.

    I see where you are coming from, and I am often guilty of being antagonistic, but can as well relate to facing an onslaught of nitpickery and quote mining in certain places *cough*. That’s the unpleasant side effect when playing a foil. However, what many people may not know is that (some) people actually learn by picking a stance and seeing how it fares, without necessarily being totally invested into the idea. I would only consider it wrong, when this goes “too far” which is difficult to cast into a rule. Like, when the counter argument are entirely vapid, or when the main load is clearly in the insults.
    · · ·
    One of the reason for throwing oneself into these situation is of course learning the human aspects of some idea. Putting them into practice. What is really important to people becomes not apparent in academic writing, but where people put priority, what they keep bringing up, and how they defend it. Sometimes you need to summon the best arguments to have something to think about. The line between tought provoking, provoking and trolling can be really thin when the whole idea of a place is actually build around debate (we aren’t in a church setting where we accept dogma and everything someone writes).
    · · ·
    There are also a couple of learning patterns that are about playful confrontation–play generally often is. Playfulness is key, but many people alas seem to have no sense for it. And some personality types, academcially secured or not (yet, at least), seem to lean towards certain behavior, such as “lawyer style” approaches of learning. We all learn by a not-that-different-method when we are children. We just aren’t able to deliberately take over a stance presented to us, but just copy what’s there and see how it does. We abandon it, when it turns out impractical. And that’s what schoolbook bulimia style learning does wrong. It never shows us how the ideas actually work out, we are expected to eat and regurgitate them. They remain dry theory. Isn’t it the case that many hone their knowledge and skills on, say, Atheism, by seeing the ideas exposed to a hostile environment, where some wither away and die, and some others survive quite well, and evolve.
    · · ·
    Democracy is fueled by dispute. The old socratic method is fuled by opposition. The advocadus diaboli approach was based on it, too. These are reputable examples. It is too easy to dismiss it all as about taking an opposing stance for the sake of “winning” some argument. And as you see, I know have provided an antagonistic stance towards your claims. Was it that bad?

  29. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Portia:

    I get frustrated and upset (and self-hatey :( ) also, which is why I so far have only ventured out of the Lounge a liiiiiittle bit. I’m working on it.

    And yes, I am an aspiring writer. I’m in the middle of a book and head-planning a second one, not to mention all of the other writing projects that I’ve thought about doing but will probably end up forgetting about. This depression thingy has gotten in the way, though. It might really be time for me to do something about it.

    *

    Does anyone else like to watch Let’s Plays on YouTube? I enjoy it, but there are so few gamers that I can trust to not be sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. I really dislike FPSs and other violence heavy games but other than that, I’m open to new games. Do any of you have any recommendations for non-bigoty Let’s Players? (I’m especially interested in Minecraft, Civ 5, Don’t Starve, Scribblenauts, Viva Piñata (yes, I have a weird taste in games, sorry))

  30. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Parrowing
    There’s no obligation to engage in arguments that aren’t good for your emotional well-being. Take the steps you’re comfortable with :)

    I think it’s really cool that you are a writer. I’ve written a little bit here and there, but man, even thinking about writing a whole book…is beyond me. I applaud you. I’d love to hear about your writing if you’d like to talk about it.

    Depression sucks. Doing something about it is a great idea. Do you have the resources to get into therapy?

  31. Portia, who will be okay. says

    I should say: Doing something about it if you are able is a good idea. Don’t want to add pressure to the pile of crap that is depression.

  32. Muse says

    Posting for onion girl.

    I’m trying to get information on research about children’s rights to refuse visitation with their parents, particularly in cases of domestic violence, abuse, mental illness, etc–in other words, all the situations that bring parents into the supervised visitation setting. Our court is coming out as very opposed to the idea that children have the right to refuse to visit, based on the belief that the majority of children who refuse visits with their parents are victims of parental alienation syndrome (which I’m getting a lot of conflicting viewpoints on as far as validity) or are being coached by the custodial parent. I’m having trouble finding good articles just using Google Scholar. Are there any academics out there able to find better information?
    She can be reached at oniongirlsays at google’s email service.

  33. Portia, who will be okay. says

    chigau
    I hope you do, too, against the odds of the gubmint work : p

    Muse
    I’ll give it some thought/a look and email oniongirl if I come across anything. Is this a US-centric question?

  34. rq says

    I have a bit of an envy spot for all those aspiring writers (looking at you, Parrowing and Katherine and anyone else actually writing…) out there brave enough to actually write. I can’t seem to find my guts when it comes to publicly* showing my work (such as it is, lately).

    *Letting my sister read it from time to time is not ‘publicly’. ;)

  35. Owlglass says

    Parrowing, don’t read it, when you can’t swallow it. /////// depression is rather serious and can be deadly. It is strongly suggested around here (with campaigns and such) that people should not take it lightly at all, just because society thinks its “having a bad mood”. Go see a doctor! Unfortunately, I have no idea how your medical system works and if you are covered and such. In that case, I strongly advice to tell a trusted person and ask them to keep an eye out on you.

  36. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    So…

    Remember a few days ago when I grumped about my doctor visit that turned into “wait for the nurse for 2 hours”?

    So, as instructed, I called and scheduled my procedure date. This convo went like this:

    Them: Hello, [Practice], can I help?
    Me: I’m looking for [name].
    Them: Speaking.
    Me: I need to schedule a procedure date.
    Them: Okay. Your name?
    Me: [Name].
    Them: Oh! Well, let’s get you scheduled right away.
    Note: there was none of the usual “hold on, let me pull your file up, can you spell that, etc”
    Them: So, there are openings [time], [time], and [time].
    Me: [Time] will be fine.
    Them: Okay, you’re scheduled for [time]. And procedure dates very rarely run late! You should be fine.
    Me: Okay, thank you.
    Them: [Reviews procedure-day info]
    [Conversation ends]

    Meep? I appear to have made a splash?

  37. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Owlglass,

    can as well relate to facing an onslaught of nitpickery and quote mining in certain places *cough*.

    Stop trolling the lounge.

  38. dianne says

    Esteleth: They feel guilty about making you wait for an hour or more for a 5 minute preop visit and are trying to make up for it or show that that doesn’t always happen.

  39. Owlglass says

    @56, strange gods before me ॐ
    What exactly is trolling about that one? To be sure, I won’t engage in a debate about this, because I actually don’t want to troll, just like to read your reasoning in the ONE attempt you have. And don’t smear, which would be unfair.

  40. carlie says

    Thanks – we’re starting teenage years now, so we’re past the tantrum in the store phase, into the wondering what he’ll do after high school phase. I have much empathy for people with screaming kids in a store. But I’m with dianne – I’d much rather see a kid a bit out of control even than see one getting berated and hit by their parent.

  41. Portia, who will be okay. says

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    I HAZ AN INTERVIEW

  42. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    What exactly is trolling about that one?

    I’d call you intentionally obtuse, but this is the lounge.

  43. broboxley OT says

    Portia, bon chance on the interview, sounds from the response that the gig is interesting

  44. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Thanks, Katherine and broboxley.

    Also, hey broboxley, haven’t seen you in a while!
    The gig is interesting, as it’s what I spent most of law school trying to be. It’s a prosecutor job. The main appeal at this point (after having “taken the red pill” and understanding why people call it the Injustice system) is the loan forgiveness and the health benefits.

    Anyway. I’m giddy.

  45. says

    Yay Portia!

    Esteleth, I think you made an impression!

    Kids in stores screaming/misbehaving: I expect parents to DO SOMETHING. I understand that options are limited, but there’s a difference between doing what little you can and just doing nothing. I expect that kids will not be allowed to run loose, and that if a kid is crying or screaming the parent will at least talk to the little brat. And if both parents are there, I expect one parent to remove the child from the store. Hell, when I was growing up my brother pitched a fit and got yanked out of DISNEY WORLD! and had to stay in the parking lot.

  46. broboxley OT says

    Portia, yea I needed a break for a while. Prosecutoring can be interesting. Hardest part is remain impartial.

    Spoke with one the other day about a warrantless blood draw on a family member. He smirked and said that the officer had noted that permission had been granted and that people would believe his sober cop. I had to remind him that sloppy police work on a misdemeanor leads to sloppy police work on major felonies and he may lose an important case because of that. He wasn’t impressed. He may be more impressed when he finds out that the officer in question hasn’t been with the department for the past year. No witness no case

  47. says

    So, home, sweet home.
    Do I first empty out the dishwasher or do I first hang up the laundry?
    Such wonderful choices!
    But I got Valentines from my children, which fits right into my plan of world domination turning the unbearable Valenine’s Day of forced consuption of ugly things in a heteronormative sexual way shaming everybody else into the wonderful Valentine’s Day when people express their love and affection to those around.

    iJoe

    Kids in stores screaming/misbehaving: I expect parents to DO SOMETHING. I understand that options are limited, but there’s a difference between doing what little you can and just doing nothing.

    I agree with you when the behaviour is “running wild”. But when it’s throwing a tantrum the “ignoring shit as well as you can” IS doing something

    Portia
    Yay!

    And Yay for Snip

    +++
    Sooo, Parrowing is a writer, too. So I can start a new endeavour: Fill a bookshelf with books written by Pharyngulites.

  48. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Giliell:
    I like your Valentine’s day, that’s the sort I’ve always enjoyed :)
    I got Valentines from my 8 year old niece yesterday. She included notes for S and his two “cids” as well. Very cute.

  49. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Well, glad you’re back broboxley.

    Couldn’t they have the former officer testify? Or you mean he wasn’t a cop when he made the arrest? Anyway, the office I’ve applied to has a reputation, for better or worse, of being more lenient. So I hope I wouldn’t have to many tough decisions wrt advocating for outcomes I think are too harsh.

  50. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Re: depression: (TRIGGER WARNING for possibly too in depth description of depression. I don’t know if this will be a problem for anyone, but I don’t want to take any chances)
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *

    Thanks for the kind words. Being in a country that has socialized medicine, I can afford to seek treatment. It’s been difficult working out the other factors. I am not used to how things work where I am living now and unfortunately have not been introduced to the system in a way that has encouraged trust. I have a few friends here who receive treatment for depression, anxiety, etc. and they don’t seem to have had very good experiences. I’ve sort of convinced myself that it would never work for me as I’m not used to the way things work here and would feel very put off by it, though I realize that I have a skewed perspective of “the way things work” here. I’m leaning more towards going the private route, which would obviously be more expensive and possibly not doable.

    I have learned Swedish(ish) but it is still difficult for me to know where to look for things here. I don’t know what keywords I should use to find what I’m looking for and living in a small town severely reduces my options, especially since I can’t really afford transportation and am scared of transportation. I also have certain requirements for any therapist I visit, the biggest being that they speak English (I know, I know, I’m a privileged immigrant whose first language is catered to in a country that speaks a different language). I realized that if it were left up to me, it would never get done, so at my request my husband has taken the lead in looking for acceptable treatment. It’s slow going, but it’s going.

    Probably the biggest issue I have is that of self harm and suicide ideation. The instances of self harm have decreased in frequency, but I find it very difficult to care about dealing with this. Just to be clear, I am not particularly low at the moment and not experiencing these feelings currently. I also have never had the motivation to do something that I can’t undo. I have read the wiki that sgbm has linked to a few times and it makes me happy :).

    Sorry for the long explanation.

    *

    Thank you, Katherine. I subscribed, just in case you decide to make more :) (And I’ll watch the older videos!). I’m sorry to hear about Toc but glad Snip had a clean sample.

    *

    Re: writing

    Thank you Portia and rq. To be clear, I am absolutely in awe of the things you both (and other people in the Lounge) have talked about doing.

    At this point, I don’t know if it can be said that I share my work publicly. I did blog but that slowed down to almost nothing a while ago. Showing my book to my mom and husband cannot be said to be public ;)

    I don’t mind talking about my writing but I had a little idea…. would either of you or anyone else be interested in doing a writing group? We could send little bits to each other for feedback (friendly feedback!). It doesn’t have to be very organized or take up too much time, but just something to get us sharing our work a little bit wider?

    *

    Congratulations, Portia, on the interview!!!! And thank you for the lawyerly Valentine :D

    *

    I think that if I ever get published, Giliell and a buncha other Lounge peeps are getting free copies for helping me through it.

    *

    Aaaaaaaaand submit comment!

  51. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Ok this is not an earth shaking issue, in fact it’s fairly petty.

    that however will not stop me from raging about it.

    just went to get a cup of shitty coffee here in the office and the coffee pot has only 1/2 a cm of coffee

    And is left on the burner

    yet, the thoughtful person decided to turn the burner off
    which is a nice thought
    though

    MAKING A NEW FUCKING POT OF COFFEE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER.

    Seriously the fact this person knew leaving a 1/2 cm of coffee on a burner would be bad didn’t trigger the make new pot of coffee thought. Instead it triggered the what’s the least amount of effort I can put forth and not feel like an asshole thought.

    The coffee here is in pre-measured bags and the filers are sitting right there next to the machine. It takes even a slow moving person less than 1 minute to start a new pot.

    /officerage
    /tpsreports

  52. says

    Katherine @1:
    Hippos are? Why is that?
    ****

    Mellow Monkey:
    Drat. Clicked on your link. Physio Prof was the only FtB blogger I haven’t checked out and saw no reason to.
    That said, some of those comments were ridiculous. I thought his initial post was sarcastic, while some saw it as serious. Either way, a diaper cake seems unorthodox, but to get bent out of shape over it like some did…? Sheesh.
    ****
    Portia:
    I will be crossing all fingers and toes for you. Good luck.
    ****
    I swear, I can go months, even a year without meeting anyone. No rhyme or reason. Then all of a sudden, they pop out of the woodwork. In the last two months, I have encountered 7 guys. Of them, 5 were online. 2 were IRL. One was the amazing sex last week. 1 is A, who I mentioned beforre (we still haven’t had a chance to go on a date; were supposed to yesterday, but he did not want to drive in the deluge). One was W, from ND, and that fell apart on both ends (that switching to Islam and it becoming such a dominant aspect of his day to day life was bound to be contentious in time). The others just never got off the ground. Now there is a new one!
    This guy, J is 38 (yah on being closer in age to me…too many of the guys I have chatted with recently are in their 20s…nothing wrong with that per se, but our perspectives on many things were quite different), a director at a local college, was in the military, is physically active (big plus here bc common area of interest) and, in a first, not only does he live in town, not only does he live close by me, he lives in the subdivision adjacent to mine! I went to his home last night and we met and watched Caught on Camera for a short time. It was pleasant. So was he. He agreed to a date on Sunday. I think I made an impression. He texted me an hour after I left, saying he was wide awake in bed. Mind you, this was 1 am and he wakes at 530 am for work. He said he couldn’t sleep for some reason.
    (We both were amused as I went to leave. He has to stand on his toes to kiss me, as he is 5″6, and I am 6″. So I just crouched down so he wouldn’t have to be off balance.)

  53. says

    DC Comics Under Fire for Hiring Anti-Gay Author Orson Scott Card to Write Superman.

    We’ve discussed Orson Scott Card before. He wrote some kind of okay, entertaining books. He exposed more than a few of his Moments of Mormon Madness in some of his writings … and then he got worse as he aged.

    Now this rabidly anti-gay mormon has been hired by DC Comics. Bleh.

    Excerpt from the story in WIRED:

    … Card, who is a board member of the National Organization of Marriage, … has been outspoken about his homophobic views for decades. In 1990, Card argued that “laws against homosexual behavior should remain on the books … used when necessary to send a clear message that those who flagrantly violate society’s regulation of sexual behavior cannot be permitted to remain as acceptable, equal citizens within that society.” In 2004, he wrote that equal marriage rights for gay people could “strike a death blow against the well-earned protected status of [my], and every other, real marriage” as well as American civilization itself.

    In the same essay, Card asserts that “the dark secret of homosexual society — the one that dares not speak its name — is how many homosexuals first entered into that world through a disturbing seduction or rape or molestation or abuse.” This conflation of homosexuality with rape and sexual abuse would surface again later in 2011 after the republication of Card’s novella Hamlet’s Father, which recast the dead King in Shakespeare’s famous play as a gay pedophile …

    These beliefs align with Card’s larger, fiercely conservative worldview, which has inspired essays arguing that President Barack Obama was reelected last year because the media conspired to help him win a second term and that America’s public school system is “brainwashing” children through selective history lessons in order to create an army of Democratic Party voters – or as he calls them, the “Leftaliban.”

    There’s a petition you can sign: https://www.allout.org/en/actions/dccomics-osc

  54. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Katherine’s link worked for me.

    *

    Thank you, Dionysis, I will take a look at the article.

  55. sheila says

    @Parrowing, Hang on in there. Depression is grim, but there are things which help. Good luck.

    @Portia, good luck with the job.

  56. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Thanks, sheila, and congrats to you!

    I have taken my junky car out to retrieve my uncle’s jump pack to jumpstart my non-junkycar’s battery, which is apparently junky. More distraction from work, perfect! : /

  57. says

    Parrowing
    Hugs. I know how fucking difficult it is to start on mental healthcare when it’s just a phonecall away. Lots of sympathies for your situation.

    Tony
    It doesn’t rain but it pours.

    RBDC
    Well, I met people who were genuinly unaware of how you make coffee.
    Also, when I lived in Cuba we needed to get our water from a cistern and carry it up 2 stairs. Usually it worked by “water is empty, person who notices calls a couple of people and carries water for 5 min”. Only that it worked in a way that after a week some folks when asked to help went “where do you get the water?”

  58. Beatrice says

    I forgot most of what I’ve read today, so just a couple of things:

    Cerberus,
    I’m really sorry about your bosses setting you up, and about the possibility of losing your job.


    Portia,

    Good luck with the interview.

    Could we be done with blah days? I feel that I’m getting deeper into the depression pit again, together with bits of paranoia/anxiety or whatever to fucking to call it when you see people talking and you immediately fear they are talking and laughing about you, that an innocuous remark was probably sarcasm aimed at your stupidity, omg everyone thinks realized I’m an idiot and they will now act like it and I’m stupid and I shouldn’t be allowed to interact with people or live …. that kind of thing.

  59. Beatrice says

    Pressed submit instead of preview, but that’s pretty much what I wanted to write. Sorry for dumping it on you, I’m going out for a couple of hours, but I’m angry at myself so typing it all let me get rid of a little part of the burden, of some of the anger.

  60. says

    Rev BDC *76:

    MAKING A NEW FUCKING POT OF COFFEE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER.

    Advice you probably don’t need: Do not visit the town of Rexburg, Idaho. I have a friend who was on the advisory committee for that little city’s tourist board. The board’s stated purpose was to bring more tourists to stay there, and not just pass through on their way to Yellowstone NP or to the Tetons, etc. My friend suggested that they could start by offering coffee at the early morning meetings and not just cheap, sugary soda from SAM’s Club. They could be more welcoming to non-mormon people.

    Stunned silence. Followed by a careful explanation that they don’t believe in drinking coffee, that almost no one in town serves coffee.

    My friend decided they could not be helped. Rexburg attracts more than 10,000 BYU-I students per year, they’ll have to be satisfied with that as an economic boost.

  61. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Well, I met people who were genuinly unaware of how you make coffee.

    I have been accused of mild, ok strong, pessimism towards my fellow humans but I have a hard time believing anyone here who drinks coffee is unaware of the relationship between the bags of coffee which are blatantly marked as such and are in a very close proximity to the coffee machine, the coffee filters, also marked as such and in close proximity, and the coffee brewing device which if they drink coffee they have to have had some form of one on one contact. Plus adding the fact that they knew enough to turn off the burner makes me think they knew exactly what they were doing.

    Though I have seen some fantastic acts of stupidity by a few of my coworkers in the past, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.

    Really though I think this is a matter of pure intentional laziness.

    /rant
    /vent

  62. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Advice you probably don’t need: Do not visit the town of Rexburg, Idaho.

    Oh, like many before and after me I’ve been through Rexburg. And story that makes perfect sense.

  63. says

    Okay to dump, Beatrice. We can take it. I personally do not think you are stupid. You do not have to be perfect to fit into the non-stupid category.

    Allow me to dump my own psychological difficulty. I had a nightmare in which Karl Rove played a large part. The effect of this horror has carried over into my waking hours. It’s kind of funny, but still bad. I’m having a hard time shaking off Karl Rove. I need an antidote.

    Change of topic: is David Marjanović in Paris? My daughter is visiting Paris the second week in May and I am hoping to link her to a few intelligent, knowledgeable locals. She is traveling with her husband and expects to do a lot of touristy stuff, but is also wanting some insider tips. She knows a bit about Pharyngula and holds many of regulars in high regard.

  64. says

    Oh, like many before and after me I’ve been through Rexburg. And story that makes perfect sense.

    I normally bypass Rexburg, or drive through without stopping, but my brother and I did present an Art Meets Adventure (TM) show for the university’s art department once. I started to speak after the auditorium doors were closed, only to be stopped by the professor. He led everyone in prayer. Apparently the class always starts with a prayer.

    I was in self-editing more for the whole presentation, tying hard to edit out even the mildest swear words.

    The students were nice, but weird. Alien.

  65. broboxley OT says

    anybody still in Fargo? If so is the Dakotas oil boom affecting housing? Just had a call for a 6 month contract there

  66. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Orson Scott Card isn’t even that good of a writer.

    An internet walkabout led me to http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/2010/09/03/comic-book-legends-revealed-276/

    There was a little bit of controversy over the seemingly pointed omission of the term “the American Way” in the phrase “Truth, Justice and the American Way” in the recent Superman film, Superman Returns.

    The phrase has become ingrained in the world of popular culture through its use in the popular Adventures of Superman television series which ran from 1952-1958, where it was part of the opening of every episode:

    Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! (“Look! Up in the sky!” “It’s a bird!” “It’s a plane!” “It’s Superman!”)… Yes, it’s Superman … strange visitor from another planet, who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men! Superman … who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way! And now, another exciting episode, in The Adventures of Superman!

    However, when the “never-ending battle for…” phrase originally appeared, it was in the popular Adventures of Superman radio series that ran from 1940-1951

    And there, the introduction went:

    Yes, it’s Superman–strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman–defender of law and order, champion of equal rights, valiant, courageous fighter against the forces of hate and prejudice, who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never-ending battle for truth and justice.

    I suppose “champion of equal rights” and “fighter against the forces of hate and prejudice” had to be expunged for the Cold War, since that’s commie talk.

  67. mythbri says

    @Tony

    Regarding the danger of hippos:

    Hippopotamuses are by nature very aggressive animals. Hippos involved in attacks on other animals are often either mature bulls, which tend to be very territorial and indiscriminately ill-tempered, or females, which are quite protective of their young calves. Living on the African continent, hippopotamus co-exist with a variety of formidable predators. Nile crocodiles, lions and spotted hyenas are known to prey on young hippos. However, due to their ill temperament and great size, adult hippopotamus are not usually subject to predation by other animals, except humans. Cases where very large lion prides or cooperating groups of nile crocodiles have successfully predated adult hippopotamus have been reported, but this is typically believed to be exceptionally rare. Crocodiles are particularly frequent targets of hippo aggression, likely due to the fact that they often inhabit the same riparian habitats as hippos. Crocodiles may be either aggressively displaced or killed by hippopotamuses. Hippos are also very aggressive towards humans, whom they commonly attack whether in boats or on land with no apparent provocation. They are widely considered to be one of the most dangerous large animals in Africa.

    To mark territory, hippos spin their tails while defecating to distribute their excrement over a greater area. Likely for the same reason, hippos are retromingent – that is, they urinate backwards. When in combat, male hippos use their incisors to block each other’s attacks, and their canines to inflict damage.Hippos rarely kill each other, even in territorial challenges. Usually a territorial bull and a challenging bachelor will stop fighting when it is clear that one hippo is stronger. When hippos become overpopulated, or when a habitat starts to shrink, bulls will sometimes attempt to kill infants, but this behavior is not common under normal conditions. Some incidents of hippo cannibalism have been documented, but it is believed to be the behavior of distressed or sick hippos, and not healthy behavior.

    From the Wikipedia page on hippos, subsection “Aggression”.

  68. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Steve Irwin once was asked about the most dangerous thing he ever did. This is the guy who clowned around with lions and offered an alligator a baby.

    His answer?

    Fording a river a hundred yards away from some sunning hippos.

  69. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    You posted a recipe? “HOW DARE YOU USE A MICROWAVE.”

    well, seriously. A microwave?

    Is it an organic, free-range microwave?

  70. Aim says

    *unlurks*
    Um, hi.

    Do any of you have any recommendations for non-bigoty Let’s Players?

    Maybe you’d enjoy MasaeAnela’s work. She hasn’t tackled any of the games you’ve listed, but she did LP both Katamari Damacy and We Love Katamari and she’s currently in the middle of Beautiful Katamari.

    I can’t (yet?) figure out how to make links pretty, but here’s her channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/MasaeAnela

  71. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    I once went camping in the Okovango delta in Botswana with a local guide. We travelled in a mekoro, a narrow, shallow-draft boat much like a punt, and propelled in the same way. At one point a hippo plunged into the river near us, but blocked from sight by tall reed-beds. Naively, I was hoping to see it, but the guide was only concerned to put distance between us and it as quickly as possible.

  72. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Confession: in response to a meme on FaceBorg, I actually just spent 5 minutes pondering if at 12 I was more into Polly Pocket or Luke Skywalker.

    I think I was more into Polly Pocket still. I had like 30 of those things.

  73. rq says

    Dammit, Tony, Giliell went ahead and said what I wanted to re: your guy situation. I’m squee-ing on the inside for you! :)

    Beatrice
    I have an excellent non-blah day on offer for tomorrow. Would you like one?

    Portia
    I have renewed my jar of thumbs for you!!!

    Parrowing
    All I can do, at the moment, is offer lotsnlots of *hugs*!!!!

    +++

    I liked Orson Scott Card when he wrote Ender’s Game. I liked him a lot less in subsequent books and stories.
    And while I am not a big follower of Superman (or any superhero comics, for that matter), I do not think he’s the best choice out there to write stories for them…

  74. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Utterly unrelated: I’m reading the “I am asked a question about commenting” thread, and waaaay back in the 600s, there’s a discussion of male vs. female names. And someone cited “Chris.”

    True story: when I was an undergraduate, the college had a doctor on staff at the health center with the given name “Leslie.” There was also an NP who specialized in gynecology. This NP’s given name was “Chris.”

    If you called for a gyno appointment, you would be asked if you wanted to see Leslie or Chris (as both could do the exams). And the receptionist started following this up with “…Leslie is male and Chris is female, just so you know,” after receiving a large number of complaints from people asking for Leslie because they preferred a woman doing their gyno exam.

  75. says

    Portia:
    Perhaps not your area of expertise, but I have a legal question I’d like to ask. Should I try you on FB, or email?

    ****
    Hippos=dangerous. Got it. Damn. They kill crocs.

    ****
    IJoe:
    I know the feeling of being the caretaker for all the house animals. I am currently in highly annoyed mode because of it (trying to get the flea problem under control is difficult to do solo, for instance; god I hate carpet)

  76. says

    rq:
    Thanks.
    The last guy I seriously dated was in 2003. He lived in New Orleans which is 3.5 hours from Pensacola. The distance became too much for me. I decided after that, that I wouldn’t date anyone over a hour away, and I would prefer to date someone living in the same city. So having J live 3 minutes from me is very nice.

  77. cicely (I can see Friday from here) says

    deborahbell: Good news about your supervisor’s response, even better news about the interview! If you get the job, at least it’s not likely that your supervisor would fire you for your atheism!

    You see, I have Cerebral Palsy, and it’s just hilarious to make fun of the fact that my body isn’t 100% under my control.

    *scritches*
    I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with that kind of shit.

    *dons hazmat suit*
    *hugs* for rq. Sorry you’re all doing the Family Flu thing. May it be a relatively light case, and soon over.

    Yeah, those people annoy me as well. As do those who go through the express checkout (10 items for fewer) not caring they have about 20 items in their basket.

    Or still worse yet, and entire cart full. May they be cursed to forever find themselves in the check-out line behind the Price Check of Inordinate Duration!

    And there’s always one, always one person who, for whatever reason, decides that “in the middle of a crowded grocery store” is a good place to let hir kid cry it out or have a tantrum while xe ignores both the noise and the effect it has on other shoppers.

    Or other, less-welcome variants. Take, for instance, my mother, with Brother2, and the epic Duet for Tantrum and Screaming Fit they performed at our local Sam’s, when he was 13. A high-tide mark in public embarrassment for The Husband, Sister1 and myself, as we improvised with an un-practised performance of We Do Not Know These People; Never Saw Them Before In Our Lives!
     
    For some problems, there just is no universally satisfactory solution. Give in to his high-volume extortion? But a history of her giving in to avoid a public scene is what lead him to believe that, if he just kept it up, he would get what he wanted. Drag him screaming out of the store? That buys no groceries, and sometimes, that’s the only spot in the day’s schedule to get it done. And clubbing him over the head with a gallon-sized jar of dill pickles, then stuffing him into the under-cart space isn’t a viable option—’cause then where are you supposed to put the 25 pound bag of dog food???


    Hurray for New Thread!!!
    -

  78. mythbri says

    @Tony #109

    Hippos=dangerous. Got it. Damn. They kill crocs.

    Easily.

    I remember watching something on Animal Planet regarding hippos, and the people in the show put a dummy in a small boat and floated down the river toward some hippos. The bull hippo didn’t let it get very close before he chewed the whole thing up – boat, dummy, everything. The “injuries” to the dummy were most certainly fatal. It’s foolish to think you’re any safer on land, either – despite their appearance, they can run pretty fast, and they are just as aggressive out of the water.

    (Sorry, animal nerd here.)

  79. says

    Oh gods, talking about badly behaving children, the little one is currently in full power struggle mortal combat mode, Whatever I ask her to do gets answered with “I don’t want to” followed by crying (oh and she can cry. Sometimes she even practises in front of the mirror.)
    So she just spent about 25 minutes crying like she was being tortured with a red hot poker followed by 60 seconds of finally putting the jigsaw-pieces into the box.
    The taste of victory is stale…

  80. UnknownEric is just a spudboy, looking for a quantum tomato. says

    This thread has convinced me that I do not, in fact, want a hippopotamus for christmas.

  81. says

    Hey Tony… congrats on the dating side, sorry about the fleas.

    One of the big issues is that my office doesn’t have any carpeting in it, so the closet has become “kitty restroom”… four litterboxes in there. The smell isn’t so bad, if I keep the boxes scooped and the floor mopped weekly. The downside is that if I want some peace and quiet I can’t just lock the office door, because the cats want in to pee/poop.

  82. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Portia – Good luck with your interview!

    Rev:

    I have also heard they can be quite hungry.

  83. hallpower says

    Is the Skeptics Annotaded Bible legit? I want it.. I want it so bad I can taste it.. Just moves to a place in Sweden where for some reason god is strong… I want to give the church here a gift of information.. Did I mention.. Woman priest..Sad.

  84. strange gods before me ॐ says

    The Skeptic’s Annotated Bible is based on the King James Version, which is a notoriously awful translation, one of the worst still sold in English. Unless you’re giving it to someone who prefers the KJV, they probably won’t take it seriously.

    And, generally speaking, better a woman priest than a man.

  85. hallpower says

    How is women priests better.. just more stupid. But ok, it´s legit so I will order it. Thanks..

  86. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    How is women priests better.. just more stupid. But ok, it´s legit so I will order it. Thanks..

    Can someone translate this please?

  87. Portia, who will be okay. says

    rq
    Thanks!

    Tony
    Email is good.

    cicely

    We Do Not Know These People; Never Saw Them Before In Our Lives!

    Ah, yes, I know this ritual well.
    (Sidenote, I use Word to compose longer comments. It now autocorrects “cicelly” or some such misspelling to cicely : D)

    Rev.BDC
    :D

    Thanks, Hekuni Cat

    `-`-`-`-`-`-`-

    Uuuuugh. I am trying to manage the sale of my grandfather’s house. But he keeps involving other advisors who are giving him terrible advice and it makes me want to pull out my hair.

    `-`-`-`-`-`-`-

    Client just called me in a panic because the bus didn’t pick her up so she’s going to be late. The relief in her voice was palpable when I told her it’s ok, we can still meet, get here when you get here. Poor thing.

  88. Pteryxx says

    re Superman fighting hate and prejudice back in the day (1946):

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Superman_%28radio%29#.E2.80.9CClan_of_the_Fiery_Cross.E2.80.9D

    The series delivered a powerful blow against the Ku Klux Klan’s prospects in the northern USA. The human rights activist Stetson Kennedy infiltrated the KKK and other racist/terrorist groups. Concerned that the organization had links to the government and police forces, Kennedy decided to use his findings to strike at the Klan in a different way. He contacted the Superman producers and proposed a story where the superhero battles the Klan. Looking for new villains, the producers eagerly agreed. To that end, he provided information—including secret codewords and details of Klan rituals—to the writers. The result was a series of episodes, “Clan of the Fiery Cross,” in which Superman took on the Klan. Kennedy intended to strip away the Klan’s mystique. The trivialization of the Klan’s rituals and codewords was perceived to have had a negative impact on Klan recruiting and membership.[4]

  89. strange gods before me ॐ says

    How is women priests better.

    Because they annoy people who think only men should be priests.

    And because their presence reduces the number of male-only spaces.

    just more stupid.

    As long as women face more social and institutional barriers to becoming priests, the women who do become priests will tend to be relatively smart.

    This priest you’re complaining about, I would not be surprised if she’s smarter than you.

  90. cicely (I can see Friday from here) says

    Ogvorbis: Since you are sick (*hugs*) I will forgive you for the peas comment.

    For example, I think that the pot pie is an excellent vehicle for peas.

    I suppose that this could be true, provided the pot pie is inside another more excellent vehicle for peas—a garbage truck, for instance, or a plague wagon.

    I think I passed

    *high five* for Giliell!

    Portia: Hurrah! for interview-having.
    :)

    Tony: It’s raining men?
    :)

    *hugs* and encouragement for Beatrice.

    *hugs* for Lynna. I wish I could reassure you that Karl Rove can’t get you, but I’m not convinced that staking him through the heart, packing his mouth with garlic, and burying him at a crossroads in a coffin packed with wild roses, under a heavy scattering of mustard seeds, would end his menace. After all, just look at Darth Cheney….

    Is it an organic, free-range microwave?

    *snortle*
    I suppose then that we must also ask, “Was it killed humanely?”

    (Sidenote, I use Word to compose longer comments. It now autocorrects “cicelly” or some such misspelling to cicely : D)

    :D !
    -

  91. says

    cicely @126:

    *hugs* for Lynna. I wish I could reassure you that Karl Rove can’t get you, but I’m not convinced that staking him through the heart, packing his mouth with garlic, and burying him at a crossroads in a coffin packed with wild roses, under a heavy scattering of mustard seeds, would end his menace. After all, just look at Darth Cheney….

    True. Too True. But at least you made me laugh. The essence of the horror/dream was that no matter where I hid, Karl Rove would negatively affect my life. All the while he was smiling inanely, looking kind of like a giant, polished baby, and smelling like Turd Blossom. And yes, he was unstoppable.

  92. Beatrice says

    Giliell,

    Eurovision is so trashy, it’s great. I would usually make popcorn, and watch and mock with mum. I think I spent the time here last year, commenting with you peoples.

  93. says

    Ummmm, I think I am giddy.
    I have been texting J and the exchange has gone:
    J: “i thought you were so cute last night.”
    Me: “I was hoping for ‘I liked your dazzling wit, rational/freethinking approach, your passion for social justice AND thought you were cute.’ ”
    J: “I noticed all of that. We have lots in common. You have rational thoughts. We will have lots to talk about.”
    Me:”Thats the freethinking, atheist, humanist, feminist in me.”
    J: “I am an atheist too. When I counsel people I use Humamist ideas. I think religion has corrupted society. I value science, not faith. I feel like an outsider in the South.”
    Me: “You have no idea how elated I am to hear you say all that.”

    And he’s gorgeous…wow.

  94. says

    beatrice
    I think I watched it like once.
    And never the new pre-contest they run to decide which group participates in the contest. It’s kind of running as a background noise.
    OK, now there’s a band that is at least fun

  95. says

    Thanks, everybody, for the kind words and support last night. I think my current plan is to start putting in job apps religiously again and hope for the best. Even if I fought back, I’m an hourly employee and the boss seeking to get rid of me is also the final approval on all scheduling. So even if I was to bare claws and fight back, she can just as easily fuck me another way.

    Next time I’ll just have to be a bit more careful about trusting that state law is going to protect me.

  96. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Ok, I just heard a long description of the “red bags” on the stranded cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico.

    And that people are sharing them.

    I am now going to try and pour bleach onto my brain.

  97. Beatrice says

    Giliell,

    That one sounds fun, makes me dance in my chair. I don’t expect quality from Eurovision, but it’s nice to hear something that is at least fun.


    Seconding Pteryxx with hugs for Cerberus and mouthyb.

  98. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    At one point my parents had six indoor-only cats. The smells, oh god, the smells…. (they still have five and the smells got worse)

    *

    Thank you, sheila, and congratulations!

    *

    Thanks a bunch, Aim! I really like those games also and I can’t believe I never thought to look up LPs of them. I will definitely check out that channel.

  99. Beatrice says

    Rev.

    Yeah, that’s bad. I just love how company is gifting them with a free cruise as compensation. I’m sure people will be delighted to go cruising with them again. The company should give legally binding assurance that they will cover any medical costs resulting from this trip.

  100. broboxley OT says

    Rev, honey buckets. What was used for generations in the village back home. For some reason, every two year old I ever saw found it amusing to stir the pot so to speak.

  101. Rey Fox says

    The board’s stated purpose was to bring more tourists to stay there, and not just pass through on their way to Yellowstone NP or to the Tetons, etc.

    Step 1) Try not to be such a creepy Stepford town. That’s all I got.

  102. says

    I didn’t think a cruise ship vacation would suit me before (even if someone else paid for it). Now I’m sure.

    Those folks are trapped in a very dirty, overly used, crowded campground from which they can not escape because they are on a floating island of shit.

  103. Pteryxx says

    update from Christina of WWJTD, who’s asking for donations to get past a crushed foot:

    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wwjtd/2013/02/an-update-on-my-foot/

    I do not want to work for two years with the ultimate outcome to perhaps, at best, have a paralyzed, fused, skin grafted, scarred, sloth half foot. How functional would such a foot really be? Answer: not very.

    I’m an active woman. I am the main breadwinner in my house. I don’t have the time nor the inclination to nurse this thing for two years, only to have it possibly amputated in the end anyway.

    I made a decision. I’m not going through that. I can’t do it psychologically, and I can’t do it financially.

    In two weeks I will be Christina Stephens: occupational therapist, wife, atheist, research scientist, sister, daughter, blogger, friend, sex-positive, polyamorous, below-knee amputee.

    She’s going to vlog her progress on youtube, and then be an occupational therapist with experience as a patient, too.

  104. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    My parents went on a cruise for their 25th wedding anniversary in 2005. They had a good time, but reported that it was surreal.

  105. carlie says

    Yeah – as I’ve been reading about it, I thought ok, these people are on the ocean. They can go in buckets and dump it off the side. They should have started doing that right at the beginning before everything started to overflow. Seriously. Yes, the ship is big. Yes, some would have probably ended up on the side of the ship. Better to designate one corner of the ship the pour area and get that side dirty than what’s going on now.

  106. says

    Interesting take from Mother Jones on President Obama’s policy of raising the minimum wage:

    … Last year, 64 percent of workers who earned the minimum wage or less were women, according to the report, put out Wednesday by the liberal think-tank Center for American Progress. CAP found that if wages were upped from $7.25 to $9 an hour, as Obama proposed, nearly 9 million women who are paid hourly wages would see their earnings directly increased. Another 4.2 million women would get a wage hike because of a “spillover effect,” in which companies boost wages for higher earners as well in order to maintain the same pay hierarchy in the firm….

  107. Ogvorbis says

    why couldn’t they just transfer the passengers to another ship?

    Moving people from one ship to another is not easy. Never has been. Especially when dealing with civilians with no experience sailing or dealing with large ships.

  108. says

    More from the Mother Jones article on the proposed minimum wage boost:

    Over the past three decades, the super rich have grabbed the largest share of economic gains in the United States. Meanwhile, the purchasing power of the minimum wage has fallen by 13.5 percent, according to CAP.

    The graphs that accompany this excerpt contain more detail.

  109. Catrambi says

    Hi everybody. Introducing myself.

    I would say I’m delurking, but I’m not sure I’ve actually been lurking long enough to be delurking. I’ve been reading Pharyngula for several years, although I don’t read every post, but I’ve only recently been paying more attention to the comment section. Reading the comments here has been a very pleasant experience in general. I do find it very difficult to keep up with these threads, but I’m doing my best.

    I’m a Swedish teacher/linguistics student with a sweet tooth. That sums it up.

    I share cats and love and apartment with Parrowing.

    So, yeah, greetings to all. You are great.

  110. Beatrice says

    Ogvorbis,

    Huh, ok. Without knowing it was so difficult, it seemed like a better idea than letting people fester in their own filth.
    —–

    Catrambi,
    Hello!
    I wanted to comment on your avatar, but your sharing cats with Parrowing explains it.

  111. Ogvorbis says

    (I figure we need to handle the tough questions up front).

    Last week, we had a minor ice storm. Wife had a two-hour delay before going to work her street corner. While gong through some paperwork, she got a paper cut. Then she went out to spread rock salt on the ice.

    No, I could not hear her scream up in Scranton.

  112. Catrambi says

    Ogvorbis
    Hi!

    Tough one! I like both, but I probably like peas better. I’d still say I like horses better, in case a horse might be listening. (Peas don’t listen. To anybody.)

    Portia
    Thank you!

    My contract says husband.

  113. Beatrice says

    Catrambi,

    They are cute!

    Good idea, Ogvorbis, we should know from the beginning whether Catrambi is on the right side* of the pea issue.

    * which is Give peas a chance, of course

  114. Portia, who will be okay. says

    First advice, duck at cover, cicely is fierce. :D

    And now I recall Parrowing mentioning a husband-person. (absent-minded? me? nope).

  115. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Ow ow ow, that does not sound fun, Ogvorbis!

    *

    I have never shared my stance on either horses or peas. It is a mystery! (I could be a spy for the other team, cicely)

    *

    Yup, Catrambi is my roommate, husband, BFF, and fellow cat-wrangler. And now co-Lounger.

  116. Ogvorbis says

    Good idea, Ogvorbis, we should know from the beginning whether Catrambi is on the right side* of the pea issue.

    But Catrambi also likes horses. Horses are evil; peas are good.

  117. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Beatrice:

    Bwahahahaha! The horses will never take me ali— I mean, my lips are sealed.

  118. Catrambi says

    Hi Giliell!

    Getting me mixed up with Parrowing is encouraged.

    The polka pigs are made in Gränna, and that requires me to travel all the way around Vättern if I want to buy them. :( But I’ll see what I can do.

  119. cicely (I can see Friday from here) says

    Welcome in, Catrambi!

    Tough one! I like both, but I probably like peas better. I’d still say I like horses better, in case a horse might be listening. (Peas don’t listen. To anybody.)

    Ooooh! Wrong answer!
     
    Actually, liking peas better than Horses is…acceptible. After all, peas are the better missile weapon by far—more aerodynamic, and they struggle and complain less as you shove them into the straw. And, unlike Horses, peas can (by means of consumption by rats) be converted into Cute.
     
    And of course the Horses are listening. They are always listening…plotting World Domination…insinuating dark thoughts into the hearts&minds of the susceptible (by which I mean rq).

    * which is Give peas a chance, of course

    I prefer Visualise whirled peas…as they circle the drain, finally dropping into the garbage disposal.
     
    (With extreme prejudice.)

    First advice, duck at cover, cicely is fierce. :D

    Fiercest spineless coward made entirely out of marshmallow you are ever likely to meet.
    :D

    Parrowing: I will immediately begin eyeing you with suspicion. Just in case.
    -

  120. says

    Catrambi

    Getting me mixed up with Parrowing is encouraged.

    Get a room, the two of you!

    (rule 24b: We all have our inner 12 yo and they stay up in the Lounge well after their bedtime)
    No worries, you don’t have to walk though Swedish winter to get them. As I said, one day…

    Talking about bedtime: it’s mine now.

  121. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    cicely:

    I wish I could reassure you that Karl Rove can’t get you, but I’m not convinced that staking him through the heart, packing his mouth with garlic, and burying him at a crossroads in a coffin packed with wild roses, under a heavy scattering of mustard seeds, would end his menace. After all, just look at Darth Cheney….

    ♥ :D :D

    Tony – Yay!

    Catrambi – Welcome to our Lounge! Pull up a chair and see Nerd about drinks. You and Parrowing have beautiful cats.

  122. Catrambi says

    cicely
    Thank you!

    Can’t wait until I’ve been completely devoured by the hivemind and will be able to follow this horse/pea discussion better.

  123. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    I could have gotten you loads of them last summer, Giliell. All sorts of weird flavors, too.

    *

    (Pssst, cicely, my stance on horses is somewhere between neutral and mild mistrust and my stance on peas is that I dislike them but in the right meal, I will give them a chance, the right meal being pea pesto. If it helps, I always request the peas be left out of other meals. I don’t know what this means for what team I’m on.)

  124. Catrambi says

    Hi Hekuni Cat! And thank you.

    If free drinks are offered, I will keep drinking margaritas until I fall asleep. In a good way!

    The cats say “meow”.

    Giliell – Good night!

  125. Catrambi says

    Hekuni Cat – Awww, I have one sleeping on my foot too! It’s like they’re twins! Oh way, they basically are.

  126. says

    Hi Catrambi!

    I like peas, of the baby, snow and sugar snap kind.

    Has anyone ever tried biofeedback? There seems to be a big mix of woo (allergies?!) and science (stress) all up in there. But anyway, real proper medical research from UNSW and Dubbo seems to be showing that CFS is connected with an over-active autonomic nervous system, and possibly biofeedback targetting vagus nerve activity might help. I’m a little skeptical, but I don’t think it can hurt except the $150 wallet pain for the device. Which is not a big deal for me, so I’m going to try it.

  127. rq says

    Hello, Catrambi.
    I like your position on Horses. cicely and I have different religions opinion concerning the four-legged loverly darlings.

    Also, I hate the flu.
    Also, Eurovision is good for a few laughs (at least, the Latvian pre-competition version is…), but I’m glad we skipped watching this year. I don’t think I can handle all-over flu and Eurovision.
    Probably watch in June (by the way, the Latvian selection is… mildly sexist, to say the least. A powerfully voiced young woman (I love her voice and also her participation in sex-positive events, and her general attitude towards singing/life) singing about needing a hero. Why don’t you be a hero for once?? Latvia wallows enough. We need to send a better message. /rant

    Did I mention I hate the flu? I love my ibuprofen, though. That I definitely do. It keeps me functional. I just don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow when we run out…
    Ah well, best get to sleep best as I can.

  128. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Night Giliell, night rq!

    Can I hit the hay now too? I don’t care that’s it’s still afternoon. I’m tired.
    /whine.

  129. Catrambi says

    Hi rq!

    I haven’t followed the Eurovision nonsense in ages, but I gather from various reports that the Swedish pre-competition is being dominated by Sean Banan (yes, it does mean Sean Banana) and his hit song “Copacabanana”.

  130. birgerjohansson says

    rq,
    The trilogy by Orson Scott Card that begins with “Speaker For the Dead” is not bad.
    Other authors; try Benedict Jacka (urban gothic. *Good* urban gothic)
    — — — — — — — — —
    I read in Science that bats have a very powerful innate immune system, allowing them to be a reservoir for Ebola and several other serious diseases.
    Hmm… a bit of GM and we get a bat-strength innate immune system. Could be useful, and not just in Africa. The facehuggers could do their worst, and their larvae would still not survive.
    — — — — — — — — —
    I had to lock away a tray with special “cat grass”, Cicero went crazy and would not stop chewing on it. Weird critters.

  131. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Rev.

    Yeah, that’s bad. I just love how company is gifting them with a free cruise as compensation. I’m sure people will be delighted to go cruising with them again. The company should give legally binding assurance that they will cover any medical costs resulting from this trip.

    What I’m hearing is that everyone who travels on these cruises signs something severely limiting what they can claim in instances like this.

    And I would never go on a cruise too many of those things in close proximity that you can’t really escape.

    What are they called again…

    Oh, humans.

  132. says

    Hi everyone, and welcome Catrambi!

    Is anyone actually doing anything for Valentine’s day this year? I cleaned the house and I’m doing laundry, and I’m cooking chicken enchiladas for dinner. Our anniversary is NEXT week, also on a weekday, so we’re having a strange sort of celebration in slow-motion. Started last weekend with dinner and movies and flowers and chocolates, continued Tuesday and Wednesday with movies, tonight is scrubbed house and Spanish-ish cooking, and Saturday night I’m taking my wife out to dinner… I just made the reservation. The actual day of our anniversary we’ll probably do nothing like we do nothing every year. :)

  133. Ogvorbis says

    Just had the turkey pot pie for dinner. Homemade gravy (made with a roux), peas, green beans, sweet red peppers, onions, and celery. Boy looked at it and said, “Pot pie, huh?”

    I answered, “Yup. Pot pie.”

    Boy: “Just to be clear, what are the green herby things in here?”

  134. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    Hey everyone! I just saw iJoe’s email and wanted to give an update. Thanks for missing me and caring! It means a lot and I’ve missed this place, you people so much.

    I’m SO not caught up but a few things..

    Cerberus, I’m so sorry that’s happening to you. It always fucking sucks when bosses pull that kind shit and I can’t imagine what it’s like being targeted because you’re trans. I really hope thing work out. =(

    Hi, Catrambi! I’m sporadically posting at the moment but it’s always good to see more additions to The Horde.

    As for an update, things are okay here. I did the second appointment with the dentist, which has helped SO much. There’s still a shit load of sensitivities but being able to buy the $5 sensidine helps with that. There’s no being able to eat really hard or crunchy food but I can adjust and get that fixed later. There’s the horrible, embarrassing first impression I make with my disgusting teeth but there’s a teeth cover I wear to help with that. =)

    When I realized I wouldn’t actually be filing taxes this year due to not working left me horribly depressed. I feel like a child, not filing. The refund has always been that life saving chunk of money for big things. If I was working, I would’ve used the rebate to fix my teeth or buy a better computer. Something. Now there’s just nothing to show because I’ve done nothing last year. =( Usually my depression is coupled with minor busts of actively to do the cleaning or laundry or ranting online because it just has to be done. I’m usually still angry. Now I’m just all blahhhh all the time like I’m moving molasses or something and just get so tired so I sleep a lot. I’ve never slept this much. I’m usually an insomniac that wakes at the littlest things.

    Lately, I’ve also found it so easy to just be absorbed into my book review persona online. That person doesn’t have the issues I do. That person speaks her mind and does talk about things like feminism when it comes up in books even though other reviewers don’t. That person is friendly and talking to new people and doing stuff. I actually just got done having an awesome conversation with an author about rape in books. I’m still so much of a puzzle person. One of the few things I know I love is books. When I’m in The Book Reviewer Persona, I hone my likes, dislikes, pet peeves and actually talk to people about it. Almost everything else about me is so up in the air. How am I suppose to know if I like something when I haven’t tried it? How much of it is conditioned? How much of what I thought I liked was just me conforming for camouflage? Being just the book reviewer has helped in the area of affirming who I am, since I really, truly am a huge book nerd. Pharygula and The Horde has been instrumental in my development but it’s like I ventured out on my own finally and found my wobbly legs can hold me. I keep meaning to read up here, comment and support but I find it just so hard to keep up with everything. I’m being pulled in a bunch of different was and the books are just sucking me in.

    Then there’s this V-day crap. Which I usually just ignore but with Little One in school she wanted to bring everyone valentines. The grandparents got two sets, one scooby doo for the boys and princess for the girls. They informed me and asked me for the school picture to write out the names. I was like…why didn’t I get to buy them and why are you insisting on this gendering crap?”

    Their response was “But Little One was to make them all personal and write it out. Just give us the picture, this is what she wants!” I don’t care if that’s what she wants to do. I know why and understand and am not mad but they just assumed and took over the role doing it. I didn’t even get a chance to talk with her like I planned to explain things when we would go pick the valentines out.

    I felt robbed when they told me they bought the valentines and decided all this. Then I got to be the bad buy and try to explain to Little One when she’s all upset and not getting what she wants. Why not give every kid an option to pick which one they want? My mother actually started searching for the school picture to do it, even after I objected. Ugh. She’s like “No, I get what you’re saying. Girls can certainly like Scooby-Doo. I do, you do, Little One does. But {Jaaaaaaaaal} this is what she want to do for her friends. Don’t force her to leave them blank.” Trying to insert the very important and “And boys can like princess just fine!” was fruitless. Goddamn, do I hate how much the grandparents give into her. It’s ridiculous.

    Just leave the cards blank, give the option for her classmates to pick what they want and she or her friends can write their name in the card. Little One can write her name at home obviously but don’t adhere to this gendered crap. Just giving kids the option is important. They didn’t get it. *sigh* The cards ended up going to school blank since mom never found the school picture with the names and Little One didn’t throw another fit over it.

  135. says

    How does a cat adoption agency get off giving me a cat with fucking parasites and MASSIVE anxiety problems, when I’m in a situation with another cat?

    Toc has tapeworms plus giardia. Know how I know he has tapeworms? Cause he shat himself in terror at my trying to get him to the vet today (at least he smells nice now.) I don’t have the slightest clue how I’m going to give him the giardia medication.

    Oh yea, and he’s going to have to be on anti-anxiety medication.

  136. opposablethumbs says

    I’ve been awol for a whole week. And that was a week in which I did not so much as click on the Lounge One – Single – Time, let alone the rest of Pharyngula let (still less) alone any FTB tab (until yesterday, briefly). I actually surprised myself, as normally I click all around Pharyngula at least, multiple times a day. (Why? Eh, mostly it was a Thing with DaughterSpawn (she’s on a sandwich course (nothing to do with sammiches. Do people call them sandwich courses anywhere else but here?) and this year she has to apply for industrial placements for the sandwich year. So she has a few applications out and she just heard back from the first one, and it turns out she got through a written application and phone interview to her first ever actual interview in her life, which was a whole day of tests and activities at the other end of the country and she was absolutely bricking it. So I was helping her prepare her presentation and try to prepare for The Day in between actually trying to get my own work done. And we realised just before that she did not own a single “business” type clothe (who asks students to dress up in “business” gear? Can’t they just dress smart and clean? No, it has to be “business” ffs). No I did not go shopping with her, but it just all added to the stress. She doesn’t have money for stuff like that, and neither do I. And the fucking 4:30 am start in order to get there for 10 am (and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t got the place, but like I told her this was good experience and hopefully it will be a bit less terrifying next time)))))) (I lost track of the brackets there, so here’s a few spares)
    .
    So, after this damned hiatus I realised there was no way I could ever catch up and I just read PZ’s actual posts and no comment threads. And I realised all over again, that damn PZ is good. And that this place isn’t (overall) just as good as I thought, it’s better. That this is simply the imperfect (of course) best place I have ever found to talk to people (apart from one annual RL pub hangout). I missed being here! I know I don’t exactly have a huge amount to contribute, but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate being able to come here, and how much I appreciate all of you lot who help each other out with one typing hand while eviscerating trolls with the other. Good people. It just sort of hit me afresh, after being away, is all.
    .
    I did look a bit today, and I see that some people have had some very shitty things happen to health and jobs and other bad news, and I’d like to send them a whole boatload of chocolate and flowers. I also saw that some people have had wonderful things happen in their love-lives and work and studies, so you all get chocolate and flowers too (or even chocolate flowers, if you like that sort of thing) (bacon also available).

  137. Parrowing buıʍoɹɹɐd says

    Waves to JAL!

    *

    iJoe, Catrambi and I are going out to dinner tomorrow for V-Day. The one restaurant in town is within throwing distance of our apartment building, so I can handle getting there.

    *

    Off to bed. Good night, everyone.

  138. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    JAL – Thank you for the update. I literally was just thinking about you and wondering how you were. *hugs*

    I think your idea to leave the valentines blank except for Little One’s signature was a very good one. I’m just sorry that the whole thing developed in the first place.

    When I was in elementary school, giving valentines was such a popularity contest that it was rather depressing for anyone not part of the popular crowd. I don’t remember our valentines having a specific gender to them, but that was a long time ago and the valentines I remember were much more generic.

  139. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    *waves back to everyone*
    Hekuni Cat

    When I was in elementary school, giving valentines was such a popularity contest that it was rather depressing for anyone not part of the popular crowd.

    Oh, fuck do I remember that. My memory is practically non-existent of my childhood but one moment I remember vividly was in 5th grade and feeling terrible because I was one of those kids who wouldn’t have gotten any cards, if it wasn’t for the mandate of everyone gets them or no one does. My classmates were vicious in pointing that out and openly hostile to giving me anything. I really wished I hadn’t gotten any.

    Thankfully, at 5 and 6 all the kids are real friendly, open and actually want to give everyone cards. Well, Little One and her class certainly seems to be anyways.

    Damn, all the glimpses of my childhood suck. No wonder I don’t remember 99% of it all.

  140. Ogvorbis says

    Hi JAL.

    I dreaded Valentine’s Day back when I was in elementary school. Just layers and layers of suck.

    Hi opposablethumbs.

  141. opposablethumbs says

    Thank you, Hekuni Cat!
    .
    JAL, it’s really good to hear from you again. Sorry about the valentines hassle … I tend to think that valentines day is pretty much a festival of cruelty more than anything else. After all, if people are happily romantically involved that’s great (and you can give someone a token of your affection any day, right?) so all that having a Hallmark Day achieves is to make things that little bit worse for anyone who’s not happily romantically involved but would like to be. :-(
    .
    Goodnight Horde, it’s midnight in Blighty.
    .
    Oh, and hi Catrambi!

  142. UnknownEric is just a spudboy, looking for a quantum tomato. says

    Science, according to my 7 year old son:

    “Back in ancient times… like 1927… there was nothing. Like, no Earth even! But then everything went (explosion noise) and there was the galaxy.”

  143. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    I’ve noticed that a lot of people {okay, unscientific and all but a noticeable trend} on their profiles and/or blogs say “I’ll read pretty much anything but GLBT.” I become immediately suspicious of them and their reasons why. There’s the few that straight up say that they are religious and homophobic. Not that they call it homophobia but that’s what it is. I’ve admittedly never read a GLBT book before now, the book I’m currently reading is but I’ve never out right rejected them as a whole category. I’m fucking loving the book so much so far too. Immediately hooked from page one. It’s just irritating because I think it’s whole ‘gay is other and their sex is icky’ shit behind this trend.

  144. says

    JAL, FUCKING GLAD TO SEE YOU! I’m with you on not remembering childhood. I have NOTHING before I was like 7-8 years old. *counts with fingers* yeah, around there. I know 4th grade happened, and I can remember some of 5th, and the universe didn’t exist before then.

    What exactly do they mean by “GLBT”? Wait, never mind… even as I’m typing it I guess I can figure out the one category where “I’ll read pretty much anything but GLBT.” is a fair statement to make: erotica. Otherwise, the person is being an asshole.

  145. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    iJoe, *waves*

    I’m with you on not remembering childhood. I have NOTHING before I was like 7-8 years old. *counts with fingers* yeah, around there. I know 4th grade happened, and I can remember some of 5th, and the universe didn’t exist before then.

    Yeah, my memory loss goes into my early teens though and I’m honestly glad for that.

    What exactly do they mean by “GLBT”? Wait, never mind… even as I’m typing it I guess I can figure out the one category where “I’ll read pretty much anything but GLBT.” is a fair statement to make: erotica. Otherwise, the person is being an asshole.

    There’s GLBT which is where everything including GLBT characters get put and there’s GLBT erotica or just erotica. I get having genres you don’t read, it’s just excluding a genre based on non-hetero normal characters feels…well, assholish. I mean, not even a try? What about mainstream books that include such characters as well? Oh, wait those are minor, often stereotypical characters that fit what people want (the ultra femme gay man for example), which often gets push back by closed minded assholes anyways. But have a main character that’s gay? Gets shoved into the GLBT category and written off by a lot of people. That’s the part that rubs me the wrong way. Books are such an awesome way to grow and understand other people. I think if there were more inclusion, more exposure it would help change people’s minds. Book just had such a huge effect on me going up. Speak helped me with my rape, Luna was eye opening for trans* since I’d never even heard of people like before *mumbles stupid small town and general education sucks mumble*. Luna was just in the shelves, not separated into GLBT area in my school’s library. Otherwise, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, I wouldn’t have gone into a GLBT section to look because of how classmates would tease and harass me. I already got shit for being the fat ugly nerd with occasional remarks on being a lesbian since I didn’t squeal or giggle at boys like the other girls did. Or they used me as way to injure a boy like “Haha, Jal likes so and so, poor him!”

    Ugh, so yeah I wouldn’t have found Luna otherwise and that would’ve been such a loss.

  146. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    It is bill paying time. So, I just wrote checks for $457.13. And I’m putting Santa stickers on every single envelope. :D

  147. Ogvorbis: Now with Boltcutters! says

    Esteleth:

    I have been putting Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, The Incredibles, Hamm, and other Disney stamps on my envelopes of late. (Though I do most of my bill-paying on-line (sorry, USPS))

    Heading off to bed.

    Wife and I have the next two days off together.

    And I am feeling a bit better.

    And I have lost 20 pounds since January 1st!

  148. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    I think I just challenged Walton for the title of “most UK-royal-history-knowledgable Pharyngulite.”

    This requires a deathmatch, obvs. Oggie, please get the Jell-O kiddie pool ready.

    *snaps on goggles*

  149. Have a Balloon says

    Hello everyone. I have a question.

    I notice that sometimes when people comment (John Morales does this a lot I think) they do this:

    [meta]

    Commenty stuff

    [/meta]

    What does that mean, meta?

  150. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    meta is commentary on commentary or self referential though it’s not always used that way

  151. says

    For Valentine’s Day, my sweetheart bought me a guitar tuner and a chorus pedal. My wife is the best ever!

    … she could have bought me some Velcro though. How else to attach them to the board? I might have some extra Velcro around here somewhere… dammit!

  152. Rey Fox says

    The first Clive Barker book I read somewhere in my early teens had a guy protagonist who made gay love to a gay lover. I still finished it.

    I picked it up in part because it had a fox on the cover. So I’m in no position to object.

  153. Rey Fox says

    Well, there goes my humor through repetition. That’s supposed to be “gay protagonist”. He was also a guy, as I recall.

  154. says

    I had typed a whole other long thing…

    The conversation about “GLBT books” reminded me of Poppy Z. Brite, who wrote really strongly “gay” horror stories that I really liked even back when I was young and dumb and was just a little squicked out by the sex scenes. I should see what else she has written… not that I don’t have a giant back-log of books to read!

  155. JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness says

    Hey Pteryxx!

    *checks email* Hmm, I don’t see another email, just the one on Feb. 8th. And YAY! THINGS! :D

  156. joanimal says

    I have been pondering the cuteness of the hippo. Since I moved the rhino out of the backyard and into the study (its not so bad, I just throw newspaper down) because the neighbor’s chihuahua kept making googly eyes and my poor lovesick rhino would just climb one of the trees to jump into the neighbor’s yard, I now have a free backyard with a pool, so the only question is pigmy or full-sized?

    Hi, I am new, well actually old, but new to Ftb, well not really I have been lurking for some time now…

    Also, on a more serious note how do I make paragraph breaks? I understand ancient HTML, but cannot remember how to add whitespace.

  157. joanimal says

    how do I make paragraph breaks?

    Ok, got it. It added the whitespace on Submit.

    I didn’t see the paragraph breaks in the Preview.

  158. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Well, it reinforces stereotypes associating complaining with femaleness. :/

  159. Tigger_the_Wing, Ranged Throngs Termed A Nerd With Boltcutters says

    WMDKitty, thanks to the Horde, I have expunged all such words from my vocabulary in case (a) someone is reading for whom that is a trigger-word and (b) so as not to give any encouragement to trolls.

    It doesn’t hurt me if I don’t use it and it might cause harm if I do. So I don’t. =^_^=

    I’ve also taken note of the horrible way you were treated when you tried to stop someone bullying you about your disability, and won’t be using that word about myself, either.

    *Scritches, if you want them*

  160. says

    Joanimal:
    Welcome to the Lounge. See rq about registering any useful skills you have for the post zombie apocaslypse Commune we have created.

    ****
    Opposablethumbs & JAL:
    Nice to see the both of you again.

    ****
    Today I wondered how Cipher was doing. I know xe was quite pissed off when PZ let everyone out of the dungeon and let everyone roam free for a while. I hope xe is doing ok.
    ****
    When did we get a Jello kiddie pool in the Commune and is it fruit or no fruit?
    ****

    Hi Catrambi, husband person. Welcome to the Lounge!

  161. Tigger_the_Wing, Ranged Throngs Termed A Nerd With Boltcutters says

    Welcome back JAL and Opposablethumbs!

    Hello new people! =^_^=
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    … I’ll be sitting in the furthest corner, trying not to give the flu to those of you who have managed to escape infection so far. Just ignore the spreading puddle of sweat, OK?

  162. says

    WMDKitty,

    I think you can use “bitch” in your head all you like. I even think you can use it among your friends under limited conditions. I mean, Satan knows how some liberal white person could have misinterpreted the things I’ve said in the company of friends…

    Context counts. It would be ideal to expunge all troubling language… but then we should all be vegans, and living in some sort of semi-socialist commune.

  163. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Tigger_the_Wing – Feel better soon. *virtual hugs* I also love the addition to your nym.

  164. says

    Good morning!

    PZ really did well when he picked his co-blogger.

    Hi joanimal
    Now, the question is whether you want a single one or more of them. Pygmy-hippos are solitary creatures that live alone but the full-sized version likes company.
    Good thing about rhinos is that they’re fairly easily house-trained since they only shit and pee in one place.

  165. opposablethumbs says

    Hi, Dalillama!

    Thank you, Tigger_the_Wing (argh flu. ::Nice Cup of Tea via the usual means of transmission) and Tony (long may the current happy dating situation be happy)!

  166. chigau (違う) says

    I don’t think I’ll even pretend to try to catch up
    but
    there was a bake-sale today
    and wow, I scored…
    cookies, brownies, scones, etc., etc.,etc.,
    open your ports

  167. Ragutis says

    There are more vids at HuffPo, Holy crap, that boom is amazing. Unfortunately, it’s looking like several hundred people have been injured in one way or another as a result. Broken glass, a collapsed wall, etc.

  168. mildlymagnificent says

    Sun’s still up here, but the Fringe Festival parade’s about to start. It’s 33C and they’re having flames and fireworks when it gets dark. Hah! Good job it’s in the city centre, they wouldn’t be allowed to do any of that stuff anywhere else within a 1000km of here. (Aaaand, mrmagnificent won’t be home for ages. The bus routes and timetables are all mucked up due to the parade. And there won’t be trains here again until October.)

    Oh shit! They’re running a rehash of the Ash Wednesday bushfires – 30 years ago. A friend of ours died in that fire.

  169. opposablethumbs says

    Just saw a link posted by Jesus ‘n Mo regular commenter Darwin Harmless to a free download of a book he recommends: The Authoritarians by Bob Altemeyer (U of Manitoba), at http://home.cc.umanitoba.ca/~altemey/
    .
    .
    It’s an analysis of what makes authoritarian followers tick, aimed at the general reader, focusing on the raving right in the US (written 2006, but there’s another file with a post 2008 election postscript).
    Anyone familiar with the book or with Altemeyer? Both unknown to me; looks quite interesting.

  170. says

    Opposablethumbs,
    Yes, it’s recommended in some thread or another fairly often. I’ve done it a few times, and there are a couple of other regulars who reference it often. I can’t think who just now because I’m terrible with names even when I haven’t had half a bottle of champagne.

  171. opposablethumbs says

    ::embarrassed::
    ::very embarrassed::
    .
    ::really embarrassed:: plus ::headdesk::
    :-(

    Oh well, at least I saw the reference at long last. Maybe I need new eyes :-(

  172. rq says

    *ghjkfslgkjldplprlkplkgpelr…* Well, I’m alive. I think. Fever @ around 39, I must be… I think…

    Hello to new folks, be warned – I think my flu got into the USBs. Do not accept any strange packages, and clean up any leaks immediately.

    Hello, opposablethumbs and JAL!! Very nice to read you both again, and good luck with everything!

    +++

    Thanks for the exploding meteor links, Ragutis. That’s about how my head feels (but without the collateral damage… :( Big sads for that – for the fact that there is collateral damage, not that my head doesn’t have any!).
    I think I’m off to bed again, while the munchkins are napping. *urrrghh*

    +++

    Also, Tony, what I read about your new beau, very exciting! *thumbs up*

  173. carlie says

    Hey! Everybody run over to Token Skeptic and check out the videos of an exploding meteor in Russia. Very, very awesome!

    Not a meteor. Just The Doctor sending a Valentine to Rose. (Doctor Who nerd reference)

  174. FossilFishy(Anti-Vulcanist, with a perchant for pachyderm punditry) says

    rq and Tigger and anyone I missed

    I hope your USB Flu ports itself out soon.

    [stuffs all the laptop holes with bleach soaked rags]

    mildlymagnificent

    The thought of fireworks makes me a little sick to my stomach. You can’t walk anywhere unpaved here without the surface underfoot making some kind of scary crunching sound.

    Today the mythical house-that-might-be-but-seems-like-it-never-will-be got bad case of scaffolds.

    They’re saying roofing will begin next Thursday. That is of course if the damn thing hasn’t burnt to the ground by then. The clouds in that picture are the tail end of a massive thunder cell that started three fires on the mountain you can see peeking out behind there. Mind you, it dropped a pretty good amount of rain, so as best I can tell there’s no immediate worry.

    Just a hit and run yet again.

    I hope all is as well as it can be with everyone and everything in all of your lives.

    Oh, and good to see opposablethumbs and JAL about the place again.

  175. rq says

    Very dramatic photo, FossilFishy. Like the sky will drop a roof down at any moment. I like your progress, and just so you know, I have a bunch of thumbs I’m holding for you, as well! (Both for the fires and also just for the general progress of the house-to-be – currently known as Skeleton House!)

  176. Aim says

    Parrowing , you’re welcome! I hope you enjoy the LPs.

    Tigger_the_Wing , Thanks for the welcome. I have chocolate-flavoured black tea, if you want any…

  177. opposablethumbs says

    Thank you rq and FossilFishy. I was amazed at how much I missed Pharyngula after only a week away!
    .
    Wow, your house, FossiFishy – it’s growing!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!

  178. rowanvt says

    :/ I think I need to get a lawyer. A locally based web company is using one of my drawings to advertise their free-to-play online game all over face book…. without my permission. I’ve had 4 people contact me in the last 2 days about this and provide screen caps. I’ve applied for a full gov’t copyright of the drawing in question. Not sure where to go from here aside from continue collecting screen captures and contact a lawyer.

  179. glodson says

    I thought I would share a sweet story today.

    I was a bit sick the past couple of days, so my daughter stayed at home with me. She missed Valentine’s Day at her school. She’s only 3, and I call it is school because it kind of is. We were lucky to get her in here instead of relying on a daycare.

    Anyway, she had a box of treats that we were going to give out on Valentine’s Day to her friends. She was holding them as we walked in. She smiled at me and said “Daddy, these treats are going to make my friends smile.”

    I’m very proud of her.

  180. drbunsen, le savant fous says

    Yello. Long time, no reads. How are we all?

    Catching up on a few Recent Unpleasantnesses hereabouts. Just thought I’d pop by to make a note of this:

    Improbable Joe said:

    Yes, “The Peez”… I’ve been trying to make that a “thing” for almost as long as I’ve been trying to make “I’mma stick my pee-pee in it!” work as a catch phrase. I figured “PeeZee” is almost like “Fonzie” and so The Peez was born, fully-formed in my head with a leather jacket and a jukebox full of… well, for some reason I imagine that The Peez listens to some pretty extreme metal. Also lives in a room above a garage and jumps over tanks of tentacled beasties with his motorcycle.

    T-shirt. Now.

  181. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Plodding through the “I am ased a question about commenting” thread.

    Have gotten to Lee Coye. Jebus.

  182. says

    Paging mouthyb,, mouthyb you have a call on the red courtesy phone in the Lounge…

    Have you heard from Stephanie & Marcus re: travel grants?

  183. Rey Fox says

    I wish The Authoritarians was available in Kindle or Google Play format. I’d like to read it on the tablet, but the type is too small and the margins are too big and the footnote links don’t always work.

  184. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Okay, because I’ve seen it referred to all over, what is the “vervet paper”?

  185. glodson says

    @ 284

    Sometimes I suspect that the headdesk inducing posts is part of a strategy to get us to concede. I would guess they hope that if we are thoroughly concussed, we’ll concede the point.

  186. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Hot damn. Have come to Lee Coye asserting that true equality has been tried in recent history, and failed.

    Have not yet gotten to where he provides a citation.

    $5 says he cites the USSR.

  187. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    :/ I think I need to get a lawyer. A locally based web company is using one of my drawings to advertise their free-to-play online game all over face book…. without my permission. I’ve had 4 people contact me in the last 2 days about this and provide screen caps. I’ve applied for a full gov’t copyright of the drawing in question. Not sure where to go from here aside from continue collecting screen captures and contact a lawyer.

    IANAL but when I’ve found people using my photos without permission I’ve contacted them first and told them in writing they have not asked for permission and to cease using it immediately. Usually they’ll stop. If they don’t I have a friend who is a lawyer send them a letter on the firm letterhead.

    Start by telling them they do not have rights to use it. See what happens next. You automatically have copyright on anything you create (at least that’s how photos work) but your restitution is limited if you have not applied for the govt copyright. So even if you don’t have that yet you still can tell them to knock it the fuck off, If I remember correctly.

  188. cicely (I can see Friday from here) says

    I disapprove of modern, computerised as-you-need-it ordering—at least, where holiday candy is concerned. WalMart had nothing left to be marked down and sold cheap. Nothing!
     
    The entire point of Valentine’s Day is cheap, day-after chocolate.
    *grumpgrumpgrump*

    I like your position on Horses. cicely and I have different religions opinion concerning the four-legged loverly darlings.

    So we do!
     
    It’s just that rq is wrong.
     
    Completely, tragically wrong.

    JAL!!!
    *pouncehug*
    Good to read you…I was starting to worry.
    *moar hugs*

    Oh shit. Best Friend’s brother-in-law just got diagnosed with motor neurone disease.

    :(
    Sorry to hear that.

    *hugs* for Katherine Lorraine.

    *hugs* and welcome home! to opposablethumbs.

    When I was in elementary school, giving valentines was such a popularity contest that it was rather depressing for anyone not part of the popular crowd.

    Ah, yes, I remember it well.

    “Back in ancient times… like 1927… there was nothing. Like, no Earth even! But then everything went (explosion noise) and there was the galaxy.”

    :D

    I think I just challenged Walton for the title of “most UK-royal-history-knowledgable Pharyngulite.”
    This requires a deathmatch, obvs. Oggie, please get the Jell-O kiddie pool ready.
    *snaps on goggles*

    1) Walton doesn’t seem to ever come around these days. I think he Does Not Love Us Anymore. No kiddie-pool wrestling match.
    2) When I’m on form—i.e., when it’s not morning, or Monday, and I am otherwise possessed of rational capacity—I might be able to give you a run for your money; however, these days I am trying to avoid any form of Navigating on Slippery Surfaces, which still leaves you—and your goggles—alone and forlorn in a pool of Jell-O (which in my mental image is lime-flavored). All dressed up and nowhere to go! Alas!
     
    And there Dibbler was, already firing up the diesel-powered time-machine/interdimensional-portal/weenie-wagon.
    :D
    -

  189. cicely (Damn! I forgot to change my 'nym!) says

    Hi, joanimal; welcome in!

    /Burma Shave
    //Too obscure?

    I sure hope not! I used that joke as recently as…yesterday. In a gooey Valentine’s Day poem.
     
    It involved bacon.

    … I’ll be sitting in the furthest corner, trying not to give the flu to those of you who have managed to escape infection so far. Just ignore the spreading puddle of sweat, OK?

    *once again donning hazmat suit before offering hugs*
    Such courtesy in not infecting certainly deserves a tactful ignoring of any such puddles.
    :)

    PZ really did well when he picked his co-blogger.

    I agree!

    Hit-and-run-compatible *hugs* for FossilFishy.

    drbunsen!!!
    *hugs*
    -

  190. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    glodson:

    She smiled at me and said “Daddy, these treats are going to make my friends smile.”

    ♥ You have every right to be proud of her.

    drbunsen – *pouncehug*

  191. Portia, who will be okay. says

    JAL
    Good to see you! Thanks for the update.

    opposablethumbs
    Welcome back : )

    rowanvt

    Not sure where to go from here aside from continue collecting screen captures and contact a lawyer.

    I’ve contacted them first and told them in writing they have not asked for permission and to cease using it immediately.

    I endorse the latter, then the former course of action. IANAL. I guess it should be IANYL. :)

    WMDKitty
    Burma shave: I went to the historical society meeting full of elderly people two days ago, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten the reference, ha! They recited the punchline in unison after several verses read by the president of the club.

    -`-`-`-`-`-`-

    Hugs and commiserations where appropriate. Also hot (or cold) tea and tissues for Tigger and rq.

    -`-`-`-`-`-`-
    Wall o’text to follow, feel free to skim or skip.

    I had a fun experience last night. And by “fun” I mean…”triggered in public.” I went to a show with a male friend, J, as a distraction from all the Valentine’s hubbub and my lack of a Valentine™. The friend was sort of…touchy, but I wasn’t really bothered and didn’t pay much attention. Long story short, at one point J asked if I wanted a fifth beer, and I declined. I declined about 10 times, during which he was putting his arm around me and tickling me and ignoring my firm “No, I have to be in court in the morning.” “No, and you are over the line now.” He finally accepted my answer, but by that time I was shaking with rage and fear. I had left my car at his house, and we were several miles away. I sat there listening to the music for a minute more, then picked up my coat and just left. All I could think was “I never feel unsafe with S.”

    J texted me asking where I went. There are no cabs to be had around here, so I called S. He was still up, it was about 10:30. He said he would be there asap, no questions asked. When he got there J had called me and yelled and yelled at me for leaving. I got in S’s car and had a breakdown. Sobbing, shaking, explaining. He held my hand. He listened as I told him how helpless and scared and isolated I felt. At the end, I apologized and said “We didn’t have to sit here for me to tell you all that…” S said, “Yes, we did.” And then he put my phone in his pocket so I wouldn’t have to know when J was sending me yet another nasty text message. (I read them this morning. The last one said he would be ready to talk when I was ready to apologize).

    Writing it out I feel like it doesn’t look like that serious of a thing. But unlike in the past when my boundaries have been violated, I feel confident I did the right thing for myself. I’m really ok with J thinking I’m crazy or “immature” or whatever he wants to think. I needed to get out of there, and I got out of there. I needed to feel safe, and I found safety. J said he was concerned for my safety, but I don’t think it’s true. If that were the case, he wouldn’t have been angry with me after I answered his first phone call to tell him I was fine, and had left. He wouldn’t have insisted on an explanation when none would satisfy him. He really has no idea what it’s like to feel powerless. He said he “felt responsible” for me since I rode there with him. Couldn’t grasp that I, a fully autonomous adult, was absolving him of any responsibility.

    So. I guess it’s a week for unfriending.

  192. rq says

    Portia
    *hugs* and no, I don’t think you were being unreasonable. I had a similar experience with refusing a [next] drink, and being ignored, right down to having that drink ordered for me. Told him he could drink it himself and left.
    I think you very much did the right thing.

    +++

    It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a… snake? Somebody explain to me how they can do this??

  193. glodson says

    Hekuni Cat, MQG,

    Thanks. I was actually thinking about people who say that we need god to be good. It was just an idle thought I was having while watching the news. I was thinking about how compassion and empathy are probably the most effect ways of getting people to act for the benefit of their fellow person.

    Then my little daughter, with no religion in her life, said that to me. Her want to see her friends smile made her happy. She was excited. It was only after I dropped her off that I realized I heard something wonderful.

    It made up for the time I got yelled at by a room full of preschoolers when I called my daughter “my baby.” They reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that she is a big girl and I was the baby.

  194. Beatrice says

    Portia,

    *safe virtual hugs*

    You did what was right for you. J shouldn’t be asking for an apology, he should be giving one. You have nothing to apologize for.

  195. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    stupid submit

    then while gliding along they do a “little dance” (technical term) that allows them to stay stable in the air.

  196. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Portia – You absolutely did the right thing in leaving. And I am very happy that S was there for you. *many hugs and lots of chocolate*

  197. says

    Good morning all!

    Glad to see a call-back to my “The Peez jumping the shark cephalopod” thing!

    Hugs and booze and after-holiday candy in a big pile for anyone who needs them. I’m going to go work on my music room for a bit. I think I need a little table for a laptop and speakers, so I can play along with backing tracks and maybe even someday record something or other.

  198. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    In case anyone was worried about that goat video, it is humor and not violence. If you are having a bad day, it’s worth a quick watch.

  199. says

    Good evening

    Portia
    OMG that is so horrible.
    That really is a person whose company you should not miss and by that I mean you should not miss that you’ll never see him again. It’s one thing to cross a line once. But to constantly cross them is another thing.

  200. glodson says

    Tony:

    Thanks. She’s wonderful. I’m worried I’m screwing it up, but I think that is a fear that any parent feels.

    Portia:

    You did the right thing. This being from someone on the outside, but when you say “Writing it out I feel like it doesn’t look like that serious of a thing,” I disagree. It seems quite serious. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe J… I don’t. Doesn’t matter. You did the right thing and the smart thing.

  201. broboxley OT says

    Portia, whoever J is we know what he is, a complete (insert appropriate insult here). First rule of having drinks with people of interest. No touchy unless requested. Drinking with Acquaintances 101

  202. mythbri says

    @Portia

    J’s statement about HIM being ready to talk when YOU are ready to apologize is no bueno. To me, it comes off as him being unwilling to examine his behavior. He’s not questioning anything he did, and what he did made you feel unsafe. You should not have to feel that way.

    You did the right thing.

  203. cicely (Damn! I forgot to change my 'nym!) says

    Rey Fox: Are we on a *hugs* basis? I seem to have a vague possible-memory/possible-misattribution that you weren’t comfortable with *hugs*. But ignoring you seems so wrong.
     
    So. Either *hugs* or *waves*, whichever you prefer.

    *hugs* for Portia, with a *dead fish upside the head* chaser for J.

    (I read them this morning. The last one said he would be ready to talk when I was ready to apologize).

    Another, larger *dead fish upside the head* for J—which clearly stands for “Jerk”.
    *moar hugs*

    Writing it out I feel like it doesn’t look like that serious of a thing.

    But it was! Asshole ignored the hell out of your boundaries, and it’s clear that he felt Entitled.
    -

  204. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Jebus, Portia! I got creepy-crawlies reading that. Fuck J. He sounds like an ass.

  205. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    I’m reminded of a d00d I knew in graduate school who would (1) get extremely drunk (2) paw at me/hit on me and (3) say “Why are you giving any credence to shit I do when drunk?” when I called him on this.

    Needless to say, I quickly started avoiding this guy.

  206. rq says

    Portia
    You’re definitely not the one who needs to be apologizing in this situation.

    +++

    Rev.
    I’d like to see how that looks in cross-section… Either way, an amazing little piece of the animal kingdom. (“Little dance” is technical language? :D Looks like they’re just doing the twist…)

  207. Portia, who will be okay. says

    rq
    At one point I did tell him that if he brought another one it would sit there on the table and not be drunk. Drank? Whatever. That was unconvincing, apparently.

    Beatrice

    You did what was right for you. J shouldn’t be asking for an apology, he should be giving one. You have nothing to apologize for.

    Thank you. I actually laughed when I saw his demand for an apology.

    Tony:

    J sounds pretty entitled and self centered.

    Yeah, and I had chosen to forgive the less-egregious expressions of it in the past, because we’ve been friends for about ten years now. Guess he just needed to find my limit.

    Hekuni Cat:

    And I am very happy that S was there for you.

    Me too. So much. Also, nom nom nom chocolate : )

    Giliell:

    That really is a person whose company you should not miss and by that I mean you should not miss that you’ll never see him again.

    You’re totally right. For a moment, I was sad to lose a friend. Then I realized it’s a joy to lose a totally crappy friend.

    Glodson:
    Thanks for that. I tried not to think about his motives either… he claimed (in that shouty phone call) that he was trying to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like a mooch for letting him buy me another drink. In reality, he had refused to take my money, which is just another way he didn’t listen to me…

    Broboxley:

    No touchy unless requested. Drinking with Acquaintances 101

    Great point. A few minutes before, he was all pissy because his male friend had set a touching boundary that J felt was “uptight”. Oh that reminds me, he called me uptight several times.

    Mythbri:

    J’s statement about HIM being ready to talk when YOU are ready to apologize is no bueno. To me, it comes off as him being unwilling to examine his behavior. He’s not questioning anything he did, and what he did made you feel unsafe. You should not have to feel that way.
    You did the right thing.

    You couldn’t be more right. The full text of his final text:
    “Um, idk how to put this ‘tactfully’ but fuck this. It shouldn’t take me being concerned for your safety to broach this subject. If you have a problem with me or how I act, bring it to me like an adult would. This was dumb and immature tonight. I hope you made it home safe but wtf [portia]!? Were better friends than this! I feel like I should be able to confide in you not have to play csi and track your ass down! Tonight was stupid, and believe it or not, it wasn’t me. I’ll be ready to talk about this when youre ready to apologize. Take care, be safe.”
    I don’t know why he put “tactfully” in quotation marks, but *shrug* I don’t know exactly what the rest of it even means, because he was under no obligation to “track me down” …he knew I was safe, because I told him so. We weren’t even in a bad area.

    Cicely:

    Another, larger *dead fish upside the head* for J—which clearly stands for “Jerk”.

    Ha! That’s a great idea. Let’s just call him Jerk : ) I approve of your methods, as well. He needs a cluebyfour. In news that will surprise no one, he is always argumentative and resistant to anything I say that is remotely feminist. He is the one who told me both that women are at fault in their harassment for not being firm in their rejection, but also that women should be more polite when rejecting men.

    But it was! Asshole ignored the hell out of your boundaries, and it’s clear that he felt Entitled.

    Thank you. You’re totally right.

    Can’t thank you all enough for the hugs and support. I feel so much better. You are all so wonderful.

    On the plus side, we have about one mutual friend anymore, and she is feminist and admires my ability to not take unwelcome advances. I’ve actually stood up to handsy assholes on her behalf in the past. So I think she’ll understand.

    I’ve been wondering what the hell I would apologize for, even if I were to. “Sorry I didn’t properly grovel in appreciation of your largess”? “Sorry I answered my phone to let you know I was ok and had gotten a different ride”? I just don’t know.

    Glodson
    Your little one sounds wonderful. It’s so great when something so small makes you realize something so significant. : )

  208. Esteleth, Ficus Putsch Knits says

    Oh. That is the vervet paper. *shakes head*

    For amusement: a song I found and laughed at. Here is the live version, complete with some commentary on the subject by the singer. This singer also has written songs about salads, a ninja who wants to be an exhibitionist, and a 17-minute jig of Peter Pan fanfiction. :D

  209. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    glodson:

    It made up for the time I got yelled at by a room full of preschoolers when I called my daughter “my baby.” They reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that she is a big girl and I was the baby.

    Tee hee. Of course she isn’t a baby; babies don’t go to preschool. :D

    Portia:

    he called me uptight several times

    There’s a major tell that’s he’s bad news in my opinion.

    He is the one who told me both that women are at fault in their harassment for not being firm in their rejection, but also that women should be more polite when rejecting men.

    Damned if you don’t, damned if you do.

  210. cicely says

    I’ve been wondering what the hell I would apologize for, even if I were to. “Sorry I didn’t properly grovel in appreciation of your largess”? “Sorry I answered my phone to let you know I was ok and had gotten a different ride”? I just don’t know.

    Ha! More likely, “I’m so, so sorry that I took your words and actions the wrong way. Can you ever forgive (unworthy, hysterical (deliberate use of the word, in this context)) me? I promise to read your mind better (and take it the right way) next time!”
    -

  211. UnknownEric is just a spudboy, looking for a quantum tomato. says

    He is the one who told me both that women are at fault in their harassment for not being firm in their rejection, but also that women should be more polite when rejecting men.

    My head just exploded.

    J sounds like a Jerk.

  212. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Ha! More likely, “I’m so, so sorry that I took your words and actions the wrong way. Can you ever forgive (unworthy, hysterical (deliberate use of the word, in this context)) me? I promise to read your mind better (and take it the right way) next time!”

    “I will only see you for the Nice Guy™ you are!”

    Oh wait, that one’s true. }:)

    My head just exploded.

    J sounds like a Jerk.

    Yep, pretty much. In between those two edicts was me saying I sometimes just literally ignore drunk entitled assholes who want my attention. Then I was told that well, I mean, you didn’t have to be so mean.

    Very much damned either way.

  213. Portia, who will be okay. says

    *waves at chigau*
    have a good weekend!

    I’ll be back in a bit, y’all. Gotta run an errand.

  214. says

    So, Mr. and I decided to support the Kasese Humanist school. I hope they can give me a way to make a monthly contribution because duh, even though we could probably manage 250 bucks a year we can’t manage that at once.
    Mr. fell a bit for the “poor children in Africa condescending bullshit with colour picture and handwritten thank-you letters” in the media and asked me some time ago if we wanted to do that and I totally despise that.
    A) I don’t want to help for the “thanks”
    B) I don’t want to “pick a child”.
    C) I want whole communities to thrive.
    I’m much more comfortable with supporting an entire school where the people who run it know best how to use the funds.

  215. glodson says

    @ Portia

    Thanks, my little does that often. And sometimes she just comes up with off the wall. She told my wife that “water and orange makes purple.” Then she stubbornly argued the point, as best she could. Hell, the other day, she had a dirty pull-up but didn’t want to change it. She ran away from me while grabbing her bottom while shouting “I want to keep my poopie diaper!”

    About J: He definitely wasn’t listening, and his motives don’t matter. Good riddance to that jerk.

    @ Hekuni Cat

    It is hard to not call her my baby. She’s going to be my only child. It is so distressing on how fast she’s growing up. But I can’t wait to take her to the local natural history museum. I think she’s going to love it.

  216. rq says

    glodson
    You definitely have a winner of a daughter there! :)
    And I’m with Hekuni Cat – ;) babies don’t go to preschool! (But they could stand to grow up a little slower, sometimes – in certain aspects (potty training, I do not miss).)

    Portia
    Wait, he said what?? I do not understand how he can believe that you were in the wrong, with that last text… I’m tripling up with broboxley and cicely, here – J = Jerk. 100% unrefined. Best unfriended. Because, shit, knowing each other ten years? You owe him nothing.
    Also, belatedly, I’m very very glad S could be there for you. :)

    chigau
    Have a good weekend!

    Katherine
    That was my first thought… But I’m pretty sure they’re location-specific snakes, as long as they don’t start teaching their fellow ophids.

  217. opposablethumbs says

    Thank you cicely! And Portia! I’m really touched, I feel this will sound silly but I really am. I’m trying to do a sort of mini-catch-up, but so much has happened. I’m reading bits of many-days-old threads and longing to kick certain persons – and offer respectful hugs to certain others. I never ever thought I’d think of creationists as light relief, but frankly compared with some of the revolting specimens of sexism and misogyny who have been around lately the creationists are almost, almost … funny.
    .
    Just reading some of the horrible rape-apologetics from a few days back in the Dome. It’s odd-but-not-odd to think that in the ’70s and ’80s I crashed with male friends any number of times and never expected to be there as anything other than a friend and fellow human being. My DaughterSpawn was in a similar situation a few months ago, in another town, very late night finish to her shift at a part-time job she’s doing to help make ends meet while studying, had to crash with a (male) co-worker due to combination of circumstances (no longer in her old student room but not yet in her new shared digs so nowhere to sleep and much too late to get a train back to our town). Shared a bed, had breakfast, thanks for putting me up for the night, see you at work next week. But I’ll confess that I might not have been completely worry-free if her co-worker had been straight :-(
    .
    I really really hate it if someone (come to think of it, this has only ever happened with a bloke) insists on ordering another drink after I’ve said no, thank you. It’s like, what is wrong with you? You offered me another drink, I said no thanks. Why isn’t that the end of it? What is your problem!? Last time that happened I left a whole completely untouched pint of good beer on the table. Why did you choose to deliberately waste a pint of good beer, friend-who-chose-to-ignore-my-answer? Sounds like J was being a real asshole at that moment, Portia, he was well over the line and he totally owes you an apology.
    .
    Glodson, it’s lovely to read how much you and your daughter are enjoying some good times together. And that you’re planning the great natural history museum trip already :-D

  218. glodson says

    @ rq

    Thanks. The whole potty training thing, at least so far, has been a disaster. I don’t know how others have done it, and I have no clue what I’m doing. I’ve never thought I would be arguing with someone around two feet tall about why she shouldn’t be afraid of the toilet. I doubt she’s afraid of the toilet, she just says she’s afraid of whatever she really doesn’t want to do.

    @opposablethumbs

    I do have an ulterior motive for this. And it isn’t that I really want to go myself, it is that my brother is homeschooling his child and is of the creationist set. My little girl is clever, intelligent, and enjoys dinosaurs. She’ll be a great little logic bomb.

  219. says

    Portia
    safe *hugs*. That asshole was the asshole there, and you’ve got nothing to apologize for to anyone. Add me also to those who are very glad that S was able to help out.

    @things kids do:
    The other day, one of the kindergartners at my school wrote me a little thank you note.

  220. cicely says

    Why isn’t that the end of it? What is your problem!?

    “How can I get you drunk (and willing (or at least, confused and unlikely to litigate)) if you don’t drink?!?
    </cynicism>
    -

  221. says

    cicely:
    I do not think that is cynicisn. It’s reality. I have watched many times as a guy attempts to buy a woman another drink, despite her refusal. Sometimes he backs off. Sometimes he is very insistent. Too often it’s like an ego blow “what, are you too good to take another drink from me?” (Translated: ” I do not care whether you want it or not. I want you to have another. You have no agency here. Do as I say.”)

  222. Catrambi says

    Portia
    Sounds like a pretty serious and horrible situation to me. His behaviour sucks. I recognize the pattern.

  223. cicely says

    Tony: I think there was something approaching a consensus that Monday sucked on toast. We voted to have a do-over, but it seems that Reality vetoed it.
     
    Stooopid Reality….
     
    You have my sympathies in your financial woes.
     
    Stooopid Financial Woes….
    -

  224. glodson says

    Tony: my day got a boost this morning. And it is a vast improvement over the past two days, as I’m not as ill as I was. So, there’s that too.

    Goddamn, that’s sad. I’m happy that I am slightly less ill than I was the past two days.

  225. rq says

    glodson
    Just don’t force it. A lot of kids take their own time about it (usually too long for the parents). It may help to have one of those little toilets around (eldest used one until he was about 4, just because), for her to see all the time. Or read a book on the damn thing, that got middle child ‘engaged’ in the activity. But most of all, don’t put pressure on her, especially since she seems like she can argue her way out of things she doesn’t like. If she has a favourite stuffed animal, get that to go potty first, and then tell her all about how absolutely wonderful!!! it is. :)
    And remember, everyone grows out of their diapers. Eventually. ;)

  226. rq says

    Tony
    I hope the Financial Woes take a hint and go bother someone else!! Crappy, having that overshadow your recent excitements. :( *hugs*

  227. glodson says

    @ rq

    Oh, we’ve stopped directly trying at this point. The people at her school(it is a lab school which is accredited and attached to the local community college, they are excellent, and even have an observation room) told us that we have to let her direct it for the best results. So we’re going with that.

    I guess I will try the animal approach. Her “Monkey Man” will soon know the joys of going potty. That is a sentence I never thought I would ever type.

  228. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    glodson:

    But I can’t wait to take her to the local natural history museum. I think she’s going to love it.

    I would have loved it at her age (or any age to be honest). Please consider this a polite request for an update after your trip.

    chigau – Enjoy your weekend!

  229. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    glodson:

    Goddamn, that’s sad. I’m happy that I am slightly less ill than I was the past two days.

    Sometimes small improvements are all you’re going to get, so you might as well enjoy them.

  230. glodson says

    Hekuni Cat:

    Not a problem. It might be some time, we’re cash strapped. I’m hopping to take her over my Spring Break. I think she’s going to love it, and they just finished the new museum out here. She loved the zoo and the aquarium, and even the art museum. I think she’ll love this too.

  231. glodson says

    Grrrr…. I really wish the clueless anti-choice moron, or the Pope Apologist, would come back around on the other blog I’m spamming.

    I’m getting tired of waiting for them to come and be stupid at me.

  232. Portia, who will be okay. says

    opposablethumbs

    Sounds like J was being a real asshole at that moment, Portia, he was well over the line and he totally owes you an apology.

    Thank you. I really doubt I’ll ever get it, but c’est la vie.

    cicely

    “How can I get you drunk (and willing (or at least, confused and unlikely to litigate)) if you don’t drink?!?”

    Holy shit, cicely. He made a joke about getting me or someone else, I can’t remember, drunk because *wink wink ha ha* and I said bluntly, “Because then the rape is easier, hooray!” and gave him a dirty look. He laughed, “Yep, exactly!”

    …how have I not unfriended this guy before.

    The real tragedy of the evening was that I had stuck a quart of ice cream (long story) in his freezer for cold-keeping while we were out. It was good ice cream. It’s gone forever. *sniffle*

    Tony
    Hugs for the financial situation. Hopefully it’s better soon.

  233. Portia, who will be okay. says

    whoa. For a second, I blamed myself for telling J(erk) that S(aver?) and I had broken up. Because it was only after that that J has started acting a little…too friendly. But it’s not my fault that he sees singledom as opportunity to be predatory. It’s not my fucking fault he’s a creep.

    And while I’m listing his flaws, he tried to claim I had less nerd cred than he did. I pulled out my Wonder Woman keychain in indignation. Then he claimed I was wrong, there were no comic book stores in the area. No “dedicated” ones. He wouldn’t concede the point even with my phone’s yelp app staring him in the face.

    I think this is me reveling in the fact that he’s never going to speak to me again.

  234. opposablethumbs says

    cicely

    “How can I get you drunk (and willing (or at least, confused and unlikely to litigate)) if you don’t drink?!?”

    Yeah, that is certainly a very common (maybe the most common) scenario. This particular time though I think it was just sheer “I know better than you do what you want” crossed with “my display of status as moneyed and generous enough is more important than what you actually want” (on the grounds that there were four of us present – selectively-deaf friend, woman friend of my partner (with whom selectively-deaf was going out), my partner and me.

    Tony

    ” I do not care whether you want it or not. I want you to have another. You have no agency here. Do as I say.”

    Yup, that’s the one – or certainly a big part of it.
    I hope your financial woes are soon behind you. Um, ditto for a lovely bloke involved in the upswing in your dating life. (I know I’m at least teetering on the edge of being inappropriate there; if I’m over the edge I apologise unreservedly and won’t do it again)
    .
    Portia

    He made a joke about getting me or someone else, I can’t remember, drunk because *wink wink ha ha* and I said bluntly, “Because then the rape is easier, hooray!” and gave him a dirty look. He laughed, “Yep, exactly!”

    Holy shit. Fucking huge red flag. I agree, the only real loss was the ice-cream. Damn.

  235. Portia, who will be okay. says

    And thanks, Dalillama : )

    This morning I told S I was sorry I had a Major Crisis and required rescuing and he walked across the room and put his arms around me and said, “I will always come get you.” *warmfuzzies*

    We will soon return you all to your regularly scheduled Lounge programming, the Portia Show has gone past it’s end time : )

  236. drbunsen, le savant fous says

    Portia,

    The last one said he would be ready to talk when I was ready to apologize).

    It’s not often that I do an actual, IRL, sideways head-tilt…

    Writing it out I feel like it doesn’t look like that serious of a thing.

    Sounds pretty serious from here.
    As for his alleged “concern for your safety”? If he was remotely concerned for your safety he wouldn’t have tried to get you drunk(er than you were comfortable with) and gotten grabby. That is not safe. You were safer outside on the street that inside with him.
    As Esteleth said

    Jebus, Portia! I got creepy-crawlies reading that. Fuck J. He sounds like an ass.

    Oh that reminds me, he called me uptight several times.

    Creep factor, rising, rising…

    have to play csi and track your ass down

    RIIISIIINGGG….

    Holy shit, cicely. He made a joke about getting me or someone else, I can’t remember, drunk because *wink wink ha ha* and I said bluntly, “Because then the rape is easier, hooray!” and gave him a dirty look. He laughed, “Yep, exactly!”

    And there we have it.

    *hugs* if welcome, Portia,
    And *hugs* for all what likes em :)

  237. says

    Impending unemployment update:

    Just had a meeting with my big boss and the HR head. Thanks to the procedures of termination, I’ve got a little bit of lifeline to scramble and find new employment before that all comes crashing down on me. Officially, I’m “on written warning”, so if “things don’t improve” i.e. when they find some more small minor things they can use to claim “we’ve operated on good faith and the employee couldn’t meet our requests”, then they’ll begin the official termination procedures.

    Overall, coming out of the meeting I have little illusions that I can magically manage to be perfect enough to avoid those further disciplinary actions, though I’m definitely going to be memorizing the pages of pages of “written protocols”, especially those that differ from verbal instructions from bosses in order to buy myself enough time to apply and interview. I also have little illusion that the HR department will be any kind of option for complaining about my treatment. The HR director on her own upgraded the minor thing my boss had me on into “failing to follow protocols” so that any failure to follow any protocols ever in any form can be used as the cudgel leading to my “final warning” and was very careful to show the neat way she’s categorized everything so that even if I wanted to appeal my case, they’d have a very neat and tight defense (even though I didn’t even get to bring that up yet… so another one on the hmm suspicious file).

    I’m still incredibly highly rated by the visiting teachers, students, and everybody else and the kids haven’t had the same problem as the system has had to my gender presentation.

    Oh, and I noticed something that’s probably been affecting my mood of late. In order to better protect themselves from me having any legal recourse to this shit, they’ve been very careful to always state in the midst of everything how “disappointed they are in me because I’m ‘too old’ for these sorts of conversations” and that “we’re being very fair here and just looking out for your rights” while using said rights as the excuse to pull this bullying crap. There was even an odd moment in the meeting where the HR director noted that I was an “untrustworthy source of information” because of the aforementioned “disappointing failure to follow the protocols” (another one on the hmm, suspicious category), especially as I hadn’t yet even begun to call them out on all this shit.

    And this has been mixed with my boss all this time apparently urging more conservative staff members to officially complain to her with information with how I’ve “scared them”, “been too authoritarian”, or “critiquing their teaching style” (when given a task to critique their teaching style), so that I’ve been walking on egg shells there and constantly falling short. In addition, I was berated for talking to other lab instructors and trying to piece together with them what exactly was going on on the upper level (because I was talking behind people’s backs, apparently).

    What’s sick about all that is that this reinforcement of isolation (no one can help you, so don’t bother fighting back), lack of support (no one will believe you if you complain to anyone who matters), and mysterious personal failures (why aren’t you good enough to meet our simple requests) adds up to a bullying style designed to drive the subject to suicide or depression. Making them feel alone, attacked, and personally responsible for their pain and increasing the likelihood of suicide in suspect populations all so that the company has enough layers of support to resist any attempt by the employee to petition for equal treatment and justice.

    And I don’t even think it’s even being done fully consciously. So they are unconsciously performing roles designed to try and make me more suicidal and depressed and perpetrating bigotry simply because that is the culture they are stewing in and the precedent set for companies when dealing with “problem minorities” (another trans friend stated the same exact campaign of harassment and BS happened to her at a different unrelated company).

    Oh bonus turd in the punch bowl? The thing that got them the excuse to advance to written warning was completely unavoidable, requested by my superior, and as I’ve discovered, intended to occur on some level. Being unable to fill the “protocol” exact enough was a necessity of time and how I was scheduled when given a long promised rotation on the lead position. During the meetings, both my boss and HR director were big on how I really needed to follow the protocols and asked the big boss or the manager of the day for help if I was swamped like that.

    Well, from one of my fellow lab instructors (the one I’m not supposed to be comparing notes with because “talking behind people’s backs”) noted that she was recently denied her promised rotation as lead (she’s been getting on and off again bullshit on a variety of levels for what I now realize was befriending the tranny) and the excuse she was given was that “when (my name) was given the lead, it involved a lot more micromanaging on my part and so I just don’t have time (to fulfill my direct promise to you) to give you that opportunity” (inaccurate, I actually covered a lot more and involved the big boss directly a lot less than previous rotating leads).

    So if I hadn’t given them this in here, that was going to be the line of attack. But I guarantee they were hoping I wasn’t comparing notes anymore because they were claiming the exact opposite in their dressing down of me (I decided not to press this point as I didn’t want to get my ally in any more trouble than she’s already been for standing up for me). This would be one of many reasons why I know that the lifeline for procedures is just that and that they’ll find something for the “final warning” in 3 weeks or so no matter what I do.

    So yeah, lifeline good, systematic and brutal oppression to end run around guaranteed legal protections bad.

    Luckily Valentine’s Day was awesome with my partners and should be continuing into this weekend so I can wash some of the taste of this whole bullshit out of my mouth.

  238. glodson says

    Portia,

    Holy shit, cicely. He made a joke about getting me or someone else, I can’t remember, drunk because *wink wink ha ha* and I said bluntly, “Because then the rape is easier, hooray!” and gave him a dirty look. He laughed, “Yep, exactly!”

    …how have I not unfriended this guy before.

    The real tragedy of the evening was that I had stuck a quart of ice cream (long story) in his freezer for cold-keeping while we were out. It was good ice cream. It’s gone forever. *sniffle*

    What a bastard. I know how easy it is to make excuses for crappy people. I live in fucking Texas, where you can easily meet people who say the most vile and bigoted things so politely… and in a weird case of cognitive dissonance, you can easily find yourself rewriting your own memories and making excuses for them because they were outwardly nice, just because you’ve invested some emotional energy into the person. I know I’ve had a number of fuckwits that it took me years of talking to before I said “hey, this person is a fuckwit!”

    And his comic book crap just makes me loathe him even more. I get the feeling he might be the kind of guy that makes me want to distance myself from geek culture.

    But I have ice cream. It is Blue Bell. You can have it. If you don’t mind that it is mostly eaten already as a means to bribe someone into eating dinner.

  239. opposablethumbs says

    Cerberus that is fucking horrible. I am so sorry you are being treated so appallingly. Is there any way at all you can get any mileage out of the good opinion of teachers and students? FSM but I hope you find another job and that it turns out to have decent people there. Crossing all my tentacles for you.

  240. glodson says

    Cerberus: I know you don’t know me, but that is a terrible situation. I feel bad that I can only wish you well.

  241. says

    opposablethumbs-

    With the HR director being rather “institution protective” with this shit, I wouldn’t have anywhere to bring them to have them have mileage in the institutions.

    On the other hand, I can use a couple of teachers who said they’d be one of my references, one of whom I’ll definitely use as my replacement to any of the current bosses (a former boss who apparently was protecting me from all this shit is still on my references list because he was awesome). So that’s one good thing I can use. I might also give them a call if I decide to go the teaching certificate and then becoming a public school teacher to in-need student groups route (right now finding something, anything else that can pay the bills and not finish me off comes first).

    So at least there’s that.

    I also think that when they’ve rooted me out I’m going to write a blog post detailing all this crap and calling them out by name for their bullshit treatment of trans* employees. Maybe I can burn them that way on the way out. But yeah, making sure I can eat in a month is priority one before all that.

  242. Portia, who will be okay. says

    drbunsen

    As for his alleged “concern for your safety”? If he was remotely concerned for your safety he wouldn’t have tried to get you drunk(er than you were comfortable with) and gotten grabby. That is not safe. You were safer outside on the street that inside with him.

    That’s a great point. As it was, I ducked into the foyer of an adjacent (darkened, closed, creepy) building to wait for S. And the whole time, I was terrified that J would find me and bully me in person, like he was doing over the phone. I wasn’t very far away, he could have “tracked me down” easily. I told him over and over “If you don’t stop yelling at me I’m going to hang up.” He yelled that he wasn’t yelling, he was telling me how I made him feel. Super high creep factor. : /

    Hugs accepted, thank you.

    glodson

    … and in a weird case of cognitive dissonance, you can easily find yourself rewriting your own memories and making excuses for them because they were outwardly nice, just because you’ve invested some emotional energy into the person.

    This makes a lot of sense and makes me feel like less of a failure for hanging around him for so long.

    And his comic book crap just makes me loathe him even more. I get the feeling he might be the kind of guy that makes me want to distance myself from geek culture.

    Yeah, come to think of it he’s sort of awful-typical of the worst of the culture.

    But I have ice cream. It is Blue Bell. You can have it. If you don’t mind that it is mostly eaten already as a means to bribe someone into eating dinner.

    Yes, please! I’d love to share with your awesome little person. : )

    Cerberus
    Thanks for the hugs. I offer some in return for your crappy situation : ( I second the hope that you can get some good use out of the good feedback from students.

  243. Portia, who will be okay. says

    On the other hand, I can use a couple of teachers who said they’d be one of my references, one of whom I’ll definitely use as my replacement to any of the current bosses (a former boss who apparently was protecting me from all this shit is still on my references list because he was awesome).

    Very glad to hear that.

  244. says

    glodson @361

    What a bastard. I know how easy it is to make excuses for crappy people. I live in fucking Texas, where you can easily meet people who say the most vile and bigoted things so politely… and in a weird case of cognitive dissonance, you can easily find yourself rewriting your own memories and making excuses for them because they were outwardly nice, just because you’ve invested some emotional energy into the person. I know I’ve had a number of fuckwits that it took me years of talking to before I said “hey, this person is a fuckwit!”

    Dittoing this. Abusive, sociopathic, or bullying people are usually really good at figuring out how to get footholds in people’s tolerances and expand them more and more. Especially when they are borderline rapists or full-on rapists. We want to think well of people we know and interact with regularly because we don’t want to live in a world where they really are as terrible as they seem. Unfortunately, that tendency also ends up being abused to the point where you’re investing huge emotional energy in ignoring the various red flags or full-on abusive behavior.

    Which leads to:

    Portia-

    You shouldn’t at all feel bad for letting him have more slack than you’re feeling now like you should have given him. It’s completely natural to do so. Even now with all the shit that’s being telegraphed at my work, I’m finding myself being very forgiving and going “well, maybe they are doing it unconsciously” or “maybe I’m just being paranoid” or “is it really as bad as it’s seeming” and really hesitating to fight back with my full power.

    And the people who take advantage of that impulse are really good at doing so.

    The best thing you could have done for yourself is distancing yourself before it escalated to a really bad place. But even if you hadn’t, that wouldn’t have made any of this your fault or you silly for ignoring red flags, because it’s never the victim’s fault in any situation what shit they end up having to deal with from the person committing the abuse or offense.

  245. drbunsen, le savant fous says

    Jeeeeebus pole-vaulting chryst on a flaming moped, Cerberus, that is So. Not. Okay. What a horror story :(

    I’m really glad that you are able to see and articulate so clearly the bullshit pattern of gaslighting and abuse going on there. I hope it helps some :(

  246. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Cerberus:

    We want to think well of people we know and interact with regularly because we don’t want to live in a world where they really are as terrible as they seem. Unfortunately, that tendency also ends up being abused to the point where you’re investing huge emotional energy in ignoring the various red flags or full-on abusive behavior.

    QFT

  247. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    Cerberus: Ouch, sorry about that shit. But at least you’ve the silver lining of the couple of teachers.

  248. says

    What pisses me off the most I think at the end of the day is how much the kids are being fucked over. Forget me being good at my job, engaging, and not as -ist as some of the other lab instructors sadly are. There were some great critical encounters with trans* kids just trying to figure out that I was able to serve as adult role model for. There was even a great interaction where a parent asked me to give their trans* kid some advice and mentoring and I gave him a great “It gets better” bit using myself and my position as teacher as an example.

    By the time those kids do get where I am, hopefully it really will be better, but it pisses me off that they are being denied that opportunity and cis kids are denied the opportunity having a positive memorable interaction with a trans* person because a bunch of suited corrosive molecules in the corporate side and their Southern evangelical leader (yeah, of a science museum…sigh) are too backwards to let it continue.

    On the plus side, it makes me even more committed to trans justice. I want that kid I promised that it gets better to, the one I told that if she can just make it through middle school and high school, to find herself in a world where it really is true and where she will react to stories like mine the way we in modern times react to the discrimination narratives of gay teachers back in the 70s.

  249. glodson says

    Portia:

    Yea, don’t feel bad that you let someone like that get close. It happens. It is so easy for it to happen. None of that was your fault. Sometimes, it just takes time for the emotions to catch up.

    I still miss going to the comic book stores, I just don’t have the time or money. I am way out of date, but I always hated those jackasses. Being someone who wants to grow any fanbase of the things, I never understood why some idiots want to keep certain groups out. But that’s another problem.

    And good luck sharing with her, she’ll look at yours and ask if it is hers too. She’s a mess.

    Also, my anti-choice chew-toy showed back up. Ah, that was the stupidity I was waiting for. What a moron.

    Finally, I don’t think I’ve ever introduced myself. I just started to delurk one day. Hi, I’m Glodson. I blatantly stole this name from my favorite author. I’m a newish atheist, trying to figure out exactly what it means to me. It mostly seems to mean that I don’t feel guilt for making fun of Jesus, and that social justice issues matter even more to me. I partly lurked because I always felt slightly dumb reading the comments, so I never posted. But seeing some of the anti-feminists made me realize that I’m not that dumb.

  250. carlie says

    Does anyone else watch Gravity Falls (you should all watch Gravity Falls) ?
    Besides there finally being a new episode on tonight, I’ve just seen the most awesome tv show reference scarf ever here.

    Jeez, Cerberus, that’s so awful. I’m glad you’ve got some who can be references, and enough time to get all their information at least.

  251. Have a Balloon says

    Portia

    o.O

    That’s appalling. You absolutely did the right thing. I read your story and immediately Schrodinger’s Rapist went DING in my head. You, know the part where it says something like “if you ignore my ‘no’ in this situation, that tells me that my consent isn’t important to you. If consent isn’t important to you, that is a huge red flag”. Then I read further down the thread about his other comments and yes there it is. Partly because this is an anonymous forum and I can’t get sued, I would have no problem saying that he is a rapist-in-waiting and RUN RUN FAR AWAY. I’m glad to hear that you’re safe.

    Cerberus

    I’m sorry to hear about your job. The importance of having visible trans* and gay teachers is something I hadn’t considered much in the past but hearing about how you have been a great role model makes me angry that your bosses are kicking you out because they’re bigots. I hope you can find a new place to work where they appreciate you for what you do instead of hating you for who you are.

    casus fortuitous
    I’ve noticed it’s not just feminism in the Guardian these days that gets clueless privilege comments. Articles about racism, homophobia and religion tend to attract them these days as well. Though I think the difference is that there are more people willing to argue back in the latter two.

    On the topic of the media, I’d like to take this opportunity to say a huge UP YOURS to the Sun, the New York Post and the Daily News. She was a law graduate. She was outspoken about violence against women. She campaigned to stop rape and she was an amazing role model. She was not just ‘his model girlfriend.’ #hernamewasReevaSteenkamp.

    (Are we allowed to swear in the Lounge? I can go to Thunderdome and swear there)

  252. drbunsen, le savant fous says

    Unknown Eric, your son’s model of cosmogenesis is fascinating, and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

  253. John Morales says

    Have a Balloon: by God, you can swear to your heart’s content.

    Damn those who daren’t curse!

    Fuck those who object to vulgar language!

    :)

  254. John Morales says

    Jeez, I wish I’d written “by God’s wrinkly, swollen scrotum” above…

    (It’s more blasphemous!)

  255. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Jesus, Cerberus. I have nothing to say except I’m Rage Sorry. God damn it.

  256. Josh, Official SpokesGay says

    Hekuni Kitteh! Hey baby.

    Joe—that’s a fabulous new ‘nym you’ve got. A real classic!

    The jammy pants are just plain old blue Hanes. But they’re my favorite jersey knit lightweight comfy kind. They are for lounging, not really for sleeping. Sleeping happens naked.

  257. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Cerberus

    You shouldn’t at all feel bad for letting him have more slack than you’re feeling now like you should have given him. It’s completely natural to do so.

    Thank you. I needed to hear this.
    <blockquote)And the people who take advantage of that impulse are really good at doing so.
    Oh, wow, that is so true.

    Glodson
    Thanks for that. I just realized that J was one of my few friends that I hung out with regularly, and what with S (who, if you haven’t been following the Soap Opera de Portia, is the recent ex) being…um, less available, I’m going to have to work harder at being sufficiently socially exposed so that I don’t slip into the blues. Damn

    Oh, and hello! Glad you de-lurked.

    It turns out the replacement ice cream I got is Blue Bunny : ) It’s a little softy for my tastes, but I am satiated.

    Have a Balloon
    You’re right about the consent issue. His disregard for boundaries was what really tipped off all my alarms, and literally sent me running.

    Josh
    Hello! I am also wearing new jammie pants for lounging.

    Cerberus
    I’m so sorry there’s such an added layer of suck to you being removed from that position. I’m glad you were able to reach as many kids as you did, though. I’m confident you will continue to have such a positive impact on the world.

    Has anyone told you you’re a gifted writer? I find myself gobbling up what you write.

  258. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    After many years finally had to replace my jammies. Got Haines. What is interesting is the tops, with pseudo long-sleeved tee-shirt “showing” (sewed on sleeve) below a regular short sleeved crew-necked tee-shirt.

  259. cicely says

    Portia: I will join you in mourning the tragic loss of your ice cream. J, on the other hand (who on further reading looks suspiciously like one of those Nice Guys™ who is only your friend in hopes of fucking you first moment your guard is down) is well lost.
     
    In fact, I suggest you make the special effort to lose him twice.
     
    And maybe tell him so.

    Cerberus, I offer you *hugs* and *choice of beverage*. I wish I had useful suggestions I could offer.
    :(

    From panic over kristinc to relief that she is all right, in less than 30 seconds. Nutmeg, would you *pouncehug* her on my behalf? And thank you for the status report. :)

    A belated Welcome In to glodson. I just assumed that you delurked in the [Thunderdome], and I missed it.

    Josh!
    *pouncehug*

    Jeez, I wish I’d written “by God’s wrinkly, swollen scrotum” above…

    John, John, John…it’s never too late for God’s wrinkly, swollen scrotum!

    They are actually black with small purple spots. And cropped length pants, so just below the knee. But “spot crop sleep pant” is what it said on the label

    My favorite store-boughten potato salad rings up as ‘Amish Pot’.
    :)
    -

  260. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Apparently I can’t stop talking about the J Fiasco. I just talked to my mom on the phone and told her about it. She said I did the right thing, and that you always have to trust your gut. Then it hit me like it has in the past: it was my mom that taught me that. She taught me that being safe and comfortable in the face of creepiness is way more important that being polite all the time. She taught me that you can walk away, or run away, if you need to. It’s ok to make a scene if you have no other option for being safe. I was describing how unsafe I felt, and she said “…and betrayed.” Which sort of solidified another layer of feeling I had about it. What the hell kind of friend does that?

    Thanks again for listening, everyone.

    My first cable knit project is coming along nicely.

    … I just realized that cicely rhymes with nicely. Ex: “When a horse runs into cicely, the encounter won’t end nicely.”

  261. Portia, who will be okay. says

    What the hell kind of friend does that?

    one of those Nice Guys™ who is only your friend in hopes of fucking you first moment your guard is down

    Oh, right. : / Sadly, you’re probably right. He did go on at length about how I’m one of his only friends that is smart…but that’s mostly a function of him thinking he’s better than other people because he graduated college.

    Jeez, I wish I’d written “by God’s wrinkly, swollen scrotum” above…

    John, John, John…it’s never too late for God’s wrinkly, swollen scrotum!

    God should really see a doctor about all that swelling…

  262. thunk, new years, new dreams says

    Portia: Hi. Nice that it’s getting better.

    I have always pronounced “cicely” as “Sicily”. To each their own.

    also, has anyone tried the reverse wikipedia link game? Pick an article of your choice, and click on the LAST link before the “see also” section (in prose) that isn’t in parentheses.

    You’ll be surprised at the number of categories you jump. However, there are some loops.

  263. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Hm, good point, thunk. Now I want cicely to tell us the Right and Proper Pronunciation, because I didn’t even think of that.

  264. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Why the fuck do people I want to respect insist on letting themselves be played by people who are basically addicted to “games” I wish didn’t exist?

  265. cicely says

    Portia: Unfortunately, if a Horse runs into cicely, then cicely is a greasy spot on the turf.
     
    On the other hand if cicely can get the drop on the unclean Beast, then It is toast.
     
    *tunes up unlicensed nuclear accelerator, checks supply of napalm!*
     
    Unfortunately, that can’t even be forced to rhyme.
     
    *whispers* Burma Shave!

    I have always pronounced “cicely” as “Sicily”. To each their own.

    Me, too. But if it gives Portia any pleasure to think of me as “sisal-y”, then I have no objection. As long as she calls me “friend”.
    :)
    -

  266. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Man, my mental pronunciation patterns are way outnumbered : )

    Azkyroth
    Maybe the above discussion about letting people get away with crappy behavior is a factor in the answer to your question? Other than that I couldn’t tell you : /

  267. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Alethea
    Portia, so sorry about the loss of your icecream. Your Mum sounds like she rocks. Lucky you!
    Thank you, the ice cream was definitely the biggest loss. That mother of mine is pretty wonderful, thanks : )

    sais-lee sih-silly
    Oh, bother, you are so good at making me giggle and smile and feel *warmfuzzees* Here, have a spontaneous *megahug* while I work on finding rhymes for Sicily. (Which I think fits all the better because it phonetically includes “silly” :D)

    I lost it at Burma Shave.

  268. says

    I haven’t got much to add, except that Cerberus‘s situation continues to be unconscionable, Portia‘s ex-friend is still and asshole, and cerberus was totally right about the whole ‘investing emotionally in assholes’ thing.
     
    L and D threw a Valentine’s celebration last night when I got home, much to my surprise. I had thought we weren’t doing the Valentine’ thing, but apparently I was mistaken, which was nice, as a good time was had by all.

  269. Portia, who will be okay. says

    So it’s not Sigh-Slee? I need to work on my reading.

    Finally, a comrade!

    WMDKitty
    Does chocolate give you headaches?

  270. Portia, who will be okay. says

    you guys
    Marco Rubio is literally hocking water bottles to put those “liberal detractors” in their place,

    I’m dying. Of laughter. Or thirst. If only I had the Senator here to hydrate me.

    …that took a different subtext than I intended, but I’m not sorry.

  271. says

    I can’t stop giggling at “he hydrates you.”

    And now I’m cringing because that triggered a really bad memory involving The Jackass. *shudders* I’m not sure I can really explain, because it’s somewhat of a “had to be there” thing, the short of it is that I mentioned being thirsty and he said something to the effect of “I’ve got a tap right here”, and ewww. He also ruined the phrase “Hey, while you’re down there…”

    Sorry.

    I just ruined what should have been funny.

    Hey, what’s the deal with the brain, anyway? Why can’t I remember things I want or need to remember, but can’t forget traumatic or embarrassing things?

  272. Rey Fox says

    Marco Rubio is literally hocking water bottles to put those “liberal detractors” in their place,

    They waste tons of plastic, they’re quite often just regular tap water rebranded…can’t imagine a much better product for the Republicans to shill.

  273. says

    Esteleth:
    I may need help soon. I have to schedule an appointment with a bankruptcy lawyer next week. Depends on how much filing for bankruptcy is (and if I can even file to begin with).
    Anyone have experience filing (I am ~6K in debt, some of it over 2 years old; many of the creditors have gotten no money in over 6 months, so they have been turned over to collections; I just got a call for a lawyer for one of the collection agencies)?

  274. John Morales says

    Tony, I feel for you. I can’t help you, but I do feel for you.

    And I hope someone here can help.

    (You work hard when you can, and yet you feel impelled to file for bankruptcy.

    Grr.)

  275. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Bankruptcy is a scary word but it can be such a good thing in the right circumstances. I’m glad you’re going to make an appointment, Tony. If it goes the way it probably will, so much of your money/debt related stress will melt away. *hugs*

    I’m finally gonna turn in.

    I ♥ the Horde.

  276. Dhorvath, OM says

    Tony,
    Where do you live? I am likely not in your region so my experience may mean little to nothing, but I did file last year and it was painless.

  277. Portia, who will be okay. says

    Where do you live? I am likely not in your region so my experience may mean little to nothing, but I did file last year and it was painless.

    Being that it’s a federal court proceeding, the experience might not be that different. There are state laws involved, too, but it’s all one court system.*

    *Presuming U.S. filing.

  278. says

    opposablethumbs:
    Not only are you not close to the edge of inappropriateness, you aren’t even in the same state. We all have different boundaries and respecting them is, well respectful. So thank you (but no need to worry. No one here has come close to my boundaries.)
    ****

    Portia:
    I have warm fuzzies too. That is so incredibly caring of S to say that he will always come get you. Awwww. I am happy you have someone like him in your life.

    ****
    Cerberus:
    Hugs and Hershey Kisses sent your way.
    ****

    glodson:
    Huge comic book fan here too. Following the death of my best friend in 2010, I fell into a depression where I barely found the energy to work. Everything I enjoyed prior to his passing meant nothing anymore. I went from buying $150/month in comics (going every Wednesday) to zero. Then when I started to emerge from my depressive state in 2011, I got fired from my job. The replacement I found was just starting to prove financially consistent, when I got fired from there in 2012. I have bought a few trade paperbacks a few months back, and I want to get back into collecting (M and I used to sit and read comics for hours on Wednesdays…sigh), but as mentioned earlier, the impending threats of lawyers calling are proving to be more important.

  279. says

    Not posted in Chris’ thread about the civility pledge because I don’t want to distract, but I had to say it somewhere …

    Because the blinking red light can’t seem to erase all the egregiously stupid history:

    I like when Baal, champion of civility, calls people liars.

    But, but, Anthony he was convincing in his argument over at Ed’s place that you, specifically, and literally (literally, literally; not figuratively, literally) would attack him with knives if you were ever in the same room together. Because … reasons. Sorry, I don’t think I can ever take such a person as baal seriously. But he did accuse many who people post here of being “over the top abusive scary as a pack of drunken frat boys” quite civilly.

  280. Tigger_the_Wing, Ranged Throngs Termed A Nerd With Boltcutters says

    I think I’ve caught up, but some things just seem to go in one eye and out the other. Please forgive me if I forget to mention something important here.

    *Hugs and kittens* to all who want/need them.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Portia, well done for getting away from J(erk). Glad that S(aviour) was available and willing to help. Your mum sounds awesome. =^_^=

    Don’t blame yourself for being trusting and making allowances for someone you considered a friend: that makes you a good person. Besides, if being a friend to someone who takes advantage were in any way wrong, then we’d all be to blame. No, you did the right thing, as J(erk)’s reaction shows. Had he really had your safety in mind, rather than his ego, he would have been apologising profusely down the phone, not yelling at you. Then again, if he had your safety in mind he wouldn’t have been trying to trample over your wishes in the first place.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Cerberus, I’m delighted to read that you have some way out of this and that you have already made a great deal of difference to the self-esteem of trans* kids. Go you! =^_^=

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Alethea, sorry about Best Friend’s brother-in-law. That sucks.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Katherine Lorraine, how are your kitties now? One of my friends has just adopted a three-year-old cat from the RSPCA. Within days she was sneezing; friend took her back to see the RSPCA vet and she was diagnosed with cat flu. Fortunately, my friend’s other cats are immunised.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    glodson, your daughter is gorgeous. My kids loved the Natural History Museum in London from a very young age. It was totally worth the hassle of negotiating trains and underground, with double buggy and sling, for their reactions. Especially the dinosaurs and whales! Why do tiny people love big things so much?!

    I discovered with Number 1 Son that there is no point in fighting over potty training*, because they will always win in the short term, setting a dreadful precedent. It is better to let them pace themselves.

    *Long after he was reliable during the day, I kept him in a nappy at night time ‘just in case'(following general advice of the time); after a week of poopy nappies, I was pretty fed up and asked him “WHY?!!!” His answer? “Well, you’ll just have to stop putting nappies on me, won’t you?”

    Cheeky boy. He hated the nappies and it was his way of making me stop putting them on him. He was only 2½ so I hadn’t been really listening to him. I learned my lesson there! I wonder if his daughter (three months old atm) will do the same to him? =^_^=

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WMDKitty, I too hate the way my brain does that, so I’ve started trying out the strategy my mother successfully used to get over the trauma of her childhood; changing the memories I dislike. It isn’t true that one cannot change the past. Well, at least the past-as-it-exists-in-my-brain. It seems to be working.

    She called up a memory of when she was particularly unhappy and alone and imagined her adult self visiting and telling her child self that she would survive this, and meet a wonderful man, marry, have four lovely children and live happily ever after. She told me that she only had to do this twice, on successive nights, and suddenly the desperate feeling of misery that had always accompanied her childhood memory was gone, and in its place was a feeling of peace.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Tony, I am delighted that your love life is looking so awesome! I’m so sorry that you have to file for bankruptcy when other people can sail through life with debts a hundred times as big as yours. *Spits* I hope it means that your stress will be over, though.

  281. says

    Dhorvath:
    I reside in Florida.
    ****
    thunk:
    Reverse wikipedia, huh? I will try it out.

    ****
    glodson:
    For someone just now delurking, you fit in so well that I forgot that your nym is new to me.
    I LOVE that your atheism comes with an increased interest in social justice. Middle finger to the pitters, the antifeminists, and the dictionary atheists!

    ****
    Josh:
    Call me odd, but I want a Snuggie. PJs are neat, but a Snuggie just seems nifty.

    ****
    I always thought ‘cicely’ was pronounced like ‘Sicily’. Of greater importance though…what does the name mean? Sources tell me that ‘cicely’ means _lover of horses_.

  282. says

    I do have the bright spot of J and I getting to spend the day together on Sunday. I hope to do brunch on the beach somewhere. We have a ferris wheel out there too that I was thinking we could try out. I also want to check around for a batting cage. I did that once for a date years ago. It was fun!

  283. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Today I wondered how Cipher was doing.

    Cipher is taking care of herself and largely occupied with school stuff.

    Walton doesn’t seem to ever come around these days. I think he Does Not Love Us Anymore.

    I happen to know that Walton does love y’all, but finds Pharyngula too stressful.

  284. Beatrice says

    Cerberus,
    I’m sorry about your job situation.
    —-

    Portia,
    The Jerk isn’t just a jerk, he sounds rapey. It’s good that you are done with him. Sorry about the icecream.

  285. Beatrice says

    They even have a cute little poll in the end:
    Do you believe rational discussion is possible?
    Yes
    No

  286. John Morales says

    triamacleod, I take it that the person posting as “NationalAtheistParty” refers to the “deep rift” between accommodationists and the epistemic realists?

    (This ain’t an accommodationist place)

  287. triamacleod says

    That was my take on the matter. However I’ve just been schooled by Strange Gods Before Me that there is no recognized National Atheist Party. So now I feel like an idiot and I’m even more pissed at Lee Moore as I took him on good faith and I’m regretting it.

  288. Have a Balloon says

    I’m even more pissed at Lee Moore as I took him on good faith and I’m regretting it.

    From what I’ve seen, you won’t have been the only one.

  289. rowanvt says

    Have a Balloon… you just made my night. XD Off to bed with me and I’ll be chuckling even while asleep.

  290. says

    Hey, did you guys know that there is an an enormous system of water-filled caves under the Kalahari desert? With lakes so deep no-one has found the bottom yet, populated with eyeless golden catfish. This is SO COOOL. St David of Attenborough rules!

  291. says

    triamacleod
    Several of the FTB bloggers covered that when Lee Moore first proposed it. The general opinion seems to be that he’s a being a disingenuous jackass who considers calling out rape threats morally equivalent to making rape threats. He showed up once in each thread to insist that he totally wasn’t doing that, but never came back to explain himself.

  292. strange gods before me ॐ says

    rowanvt: that looks like an ad on Facebook. You can contact Facebook directly. Don’t spend money unnecessarily; you don’t need a government-issued recognition of copyright, and you don’t need a lawyer. You already have copyright under the Berne convention, and you can send a DMCA notice for free. Keep your original art up at the original link, and refer to it in the form where it says “Describe or identify your copyrighted work”:

    https://www.facebook.com/help/contact_us.php?id=208282075858952

    https://www.facebook.com/help/190268144407210/ otherwise, but best to use the form

  293. Beatrice says

    Ah, the post-Valentine’s day chocolate sales, how I love you. I bought candied orange peel truffles for mum and myself. Divine

  294. mildlymagnificent says

    Alethea, yay! I watched that too.

    Golden catfish under the Kalahari desert, golden wheel spiders careening down sand dunes on the Nahib desert.

    Fan.tas.tic.

  295. rq says

    Good morning!

    Aletheam
    That is cool. The past two days has been full of cool science, for some reason. Meteors over Russia, flying snakes, underground lakes and blind catfish under deserts… Wow.

    Cerberus
    Your situation makes me sympathetically angry, I wish there was something I could do to help!! I’m also glad there are a few positives in the situation, most importantly – being a role model to trans* children. *sigh* Why do people have to be such assholes? You’d think your credentials as a good teacher would weigh more than any other aspects of your being. Especially since visitors seem to get so much out of their experiences with you. Grrrrrs on your behalf. And *hugs*, if wanted and/or accepted.

    Portia
    Your mom is awesome.

    glodson
    Glad you de-lurked!
    Also, re: the potty training of “Monkey Man”: good luck! We had a lot of help from Mr Bear, who loved it so much, he sometimes wouldn’t get off the potty at all! :)
    Incidentally, Mr Bear also got pregnant a lot (with various animals, and sometimes crackers, too), and was breastfed quite regularly by Eldest, after Eldest was several times pregnant with him… Now, apparently, he’s (Mr Bear) outgrown all this, and he only serves as a storehouse for little LEGO pieces and stale crackers. :/ But I still have to figure out a way to fix his nose (he has a constant case of runny-cotton-noses), which was lovingly chewed off during de-soother-izing.

    cicely
    Really, what Portia said about making others (me) laugh. You have a bit of a skill, even though you’re not partial to the whole horse thing.

    +++

    Unpacked my books today, and wondered why there were so few. Then I remembered that the shelf here (the only one we have, for now) is about three times larger than the previous. And then I got sad, because the rest of my absolutely-extra-special-must-have-with-me books are still in Canada. :( I need to get them here!! NOW! *sigh* Have to wait for the next container shipment, I suppose.

    Also, calling all linguists out there, with a side-call to neurolinguists or neurobiologists… There’s a book I had (have?) in Canada concerning language and neurobiology, whose title I can’t remember. I’ve searched through Amazon, but I haven’t been able to find it. I can’t remember the title, but I’m pretty sure the subtitle had to do with neurobiology and linguistics, it also had a whole chapter (or several) at the end about Empty Categories. Pretty sure it was two authors (maaaybe three?), one of whom was a neurobiologist, the other more on the language side… The copy I had was paperback, grey-blue in colour, no particular picture or design. Anybody recognize this book? It seems to be lost among my possessions in Canada, too (I’ve recommended it several times to my sister and father but nobody seems to be able to find it). I’d like to re-get it, though. If anyone could help out, I’d be very much obliged!!

  296. says

    Good morning

    Guess who passed her Sociolinguistics exam with a solid 47 points with 53 being the highest total achieved a solid 2 times out of 104?
    Yes, me
    *happydance*

    opposablethumbs
    When I was younger and more active as an activist I would regularly crash on somebody’s couch/ in somebody’s bed, often with guys I had only met that very day and often after an extensive party. Nothing even remotely scary happened even once and I was never afraid that anything would.

    glodson

    Thanks. The whole potty training thing, at least so far, has been a disaster. I don’t know how others have done it, and I have no clue what I’m doing

    Well, I didn’t do any potty training. I bought them a potty, I bought them pull-ups and then I praised them extensively when it worked. #1 was dry from one day to the other. I put her into the pull-ups for one more week and then I stopped doing that. The little one was a lazy kid so she didn’t bother even though she was perfectly able to controll it. Until one day (TMI) she shat herself while we were walking and then didn’t say anything until her butt and her legs were bleeding sore. That was the end of diapers.

    Cerberus
    I wish you the best of luck finding a new job quickly.
    I’m sorry that people are being a total asshole towards you.

    Portia

    Apparently I can’t stop talking about the J Fiasco.

    Then that’s what you need at the moment.
    (hugs)
    Awesome mum you have.
    Mine taught me not to walk alone after dark…

    Tony
    I’m sorry to hear. Hope the lawyer can help you out

    rowanvt
    Guess they will claim that you’re opppressing their Feeze Peach, too.
    But your dragons are TOO CUTE.

    +++
    So, don’t you just love it when the world casually dismisses your life?
    I signed up #1 for a study in developmental psychology (yeah, I know, WEIRD people study…) because, well, people need subjects to study FOR SCIENCE and also because I wanted to show the kids the college so they had an idea where mummy is all day.
    Now, while #1 was doing her “experiment” I filled in the information. One factor they control for is parental education.
    Of course there was no box for me to fit in. How dare I have kids when still in college?

  297. Beatrice says

    Giliell,

    It’s really cool that you have signed your daughter up for a scientific study, both because FOR SCIENCE and because it can be a great introduction to science for her.

    Did you ask about how you should fill the form since you don’t fit into any of the offered categories?

  298. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    Extremely profane curses! I’ve been suffering tennis elbow for the past few weeks – not severe pain, but it means I can’t play badminton, which is a significant chunk of my weekly exercise. A couple of weeks ago, I referred myself for NHS physiotherapy, but, expecting this to take months to come through, also went to a private physio (by whom I was unimpressed – he wanted to do something called “shockwave therapy”, involving high-energy pulses of ultrasound, but his explanation of what tennis elbow is and what this would do tripped my SCAM alarms, so I refused. Looked it up when I got home, and there’s no good evidence it works, and it can cause bruising and possibly worse). Anyhow, a few days later, I got a call from someone involved in a clinical trial on arm pain – testing immediate physio, against advice on self-management followed by physio after 7 weeks, inviting me to take part. Not wishing to screw up their trial, I admitted to the one physio session – which makes me ineligible.

  299. rq says

    Alethea, I will definitely pass that on. ;)

    Giliell
    Congratulations on the exam results!!! :) *happy*
    Also, just out of curiosity, how old were yours when you started the potty-non-training process?
    I got weird looks from doctors when Eldest (and Middle Child) was about a year old, and I told them that no, we haven’t done any introductory work yet. Because…? I’d always thought around one and a half to two years would be a good time to start, and it seemed to work for us. Eldest was just past three when things finally clicked for him (esp. overnight, day-times and naps were fine pretty quick, except going poo (which hurt ). Middle Child caught on super-quick (right down to barely any bed-wetting) because of Eldest’s example (and he just had to be like Eldest!! – I think we were off the diapers and pull-ups within three weeks or so), and I’m hoping Youngest goes the same route.

  300. Beatrice says

    Giliell,

    COngratulaions on the great exam result!
    Sorry, I seem to forget half of what I’m supposed to write, most of the time.

  301. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    I have always pronounced “cicely” as “Sicily”.

    I’d have said “Sih-selly”. In contrast to my m-in-law Cecily (“Seh-silly”)!

  302. says

    There is no National Atheist Party.

    I think there is. I’m at work now, will look it up when I get home. They used to send me emails to the blog.

  303. opposablethumbs says

    Thinking more about Cerberus‘ situation and seething. All those kids – all of them – maybe to be deprived of having you as a role model. I mean, I know obviously that you are you, emphatically not to be diminished to fulfilling some abstract role as “the role model” or “the good example”, and that this is not your “job”; I was just thinking how valuable and relatively rare it is for kids at school to have respected and admired adults around who don’t fit neatly into one of society’s usual boxes. Just having that experience is enormously positive, both for any kids who feel maybe they don’t fit into the usual boxes themselves and for those who do. Two out gay teachers at my kids’ school (one now moved on to a bigger job, sadly for the school) probably did as much for many kids just by being there and being good teachers as the positive lessons on social awareness actually being taught in the classroom.
    .
    Portia, your mum is indeed awesome. As is Cerberus for that comment to you upthread; we all “invest” in people like that, and are loath to accept that our friends are moving into creep territory :-(
    .
    Conga rats on your exam result, Giliell! Re crashing with friends, that’s pretty much how I remember it too. I wish I could tell whether it’s my perception of potential risk or reality that has changed – I’m honestly not sure at the moment.
    .
    Argh re ineligibility, Nick Gotts. What a scunner, especially considering that the one session was useless!
    .
    I’m frustrated by the fact that The Authoritarians is a pdf because I can’t re-size it on my kindle which means I can’t read it at the gym.

  304. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    Welcome, new and returning Loungers! Cups of tea and encouraging pats on the shoulder* to Tony, Cerberus, Portia, rowanvt in re your current/recent troubles. Tony, if you’re not absolutely sure of them already, I hope you’ll insist the lawyer explains all the implications of bankruptcy. Portia, I’m sure you did absolutely right to get out when you did – even if Jerk would have stopped short of rape, it would only have got harder to extricate yourself.

    *Like many Brits, I’m a bit stiff-upper-lip about hugs in meatspace outside family and close friends, so these are really more my style.

  305. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    rq,

    Yes; I can understand why – they need criteria for inclusion that are simple to apply, so they can’t make exceptions. Of course if I hadn’t mentioned it, they’d have had no way to tell, and I admit I considered not doing so unless specifically asked (which I probably would have been) – but it would’ve been wrong. (Not that I never do the wrong thing, of course, but on this occasion, I decided not to!) I actually saw a different private physio yesterday (same practice, but different person), who seemed much less eager to make my elbow worse in order to make it better, and also explained the exercises she prescribed clearly. From what I’ve read since the first appointment, the only treatment with anything like good evidence is exercise, although I got some symptomatic relief from her manipulation and massage. But apart from missing out on a 50% chance of immediate free physiotherapy, I’ve never been enrolled in a clinical trial, which would have been interesting.

  306. carlie says

    rq – One? That seems …excessive. General guidelines around here are doing potty-training between about 2-3, depending on how ready the kid is. Preschools specify which rooms are potty-required, and usually that’s the 4 year old room, so it can’t be uncommon for it to go that long. That said, one of mine had accessory issues that made it 5, but the time from 4-5 had turned almost completely into a battle of wills. It was alleviated, on advice of a therapist, by dropping all talk about it whatsoever except to show the child some neat frog-branded wipes and foamy soap that were his alone to use, but only after pottying. That took care of things rather quickly.

  307. Tigger_the_Wing, Ranged Throngs Termed A Nerd With Boltcutters says

    Congratulations, Giliell!! =^_^=

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Alethea, thank you for the documentary recommendation. Hubby and I watched it online when he got back from chess. Those carnivorous giant crickets were like something out of a Hollywood ‘B’ horror movie!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Nick Gotts, so sorry about your arm and missing out on the trials. :( A good physio is hard to find. I am very grateful to the one who helped me out last year; I have a partially prolapsed disc in my neck and had been wearing a soft collar when outside or in a vehicle for nearly five years when I was finally able to abandon it in December, entirely due to the exercises I was taught. =^_^=

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Re. potty training: we started each of ours in the summer after their second birthday, while on camping holidays. They could run around half-naked during the day, making it easier for them to access the potty, and accidents were no problem at all! I had hubby around to take the boys to the toilets and show them how to pee standing up. They, in particular, found it huge fun to pee in hedges!

    It only took a few days before they were reasonably reliable and by the end of the fortnight they were out of nappies during the day. Night-time dryness took a different amount of time with all of them; my daughter, like me, has bladder issues and wasn’t dry until she was eight but the boys were all dry at night by three or four.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    opposablethumbs, I have a cheap e-reader I bought for AU$60 in Aldi and read PDFs OK on it by turning it sideways to make the text bigger. Would that work on the Kindle?

  308. glodson says

    Hekuni Cat:

    The gladness over my delurking will fade as I post more. ;)

    Portia:

    Yea, you don’t want to slip into the blues. It can be hard when you have a friend that you discover was a jackass the whole time. I hope you enjoyed your ice cream, and I hope you find some decent and interesting people to talk to.

    But at least you have some good ice cream in the mean time.

    Tony:

    I do miss the comics. But I am hoping to get back into them once we get money normalized. We moved into our first house last year, and we’re still getting back on trap. As you said, the monetary problems can make enjoying the hobby difficult.

    And thanks. Really, I think that the acceptance of the non-existence of a god or afterlife leads directly to a need to make this world better in the here and now. The two are linked. That, as least for me, is an implication of living in a godless universe. So, fuck those assholes who want to stand in the way.

    rq:

    Thanks. And poor Mr. Bear… It is funny, but we left the Monkey Man behind a few weeks ago at a restaurant. Which freaked us out. We got him back, but my little one was worried. And so was my wife and myself. I never thought I would be attached to a stuffed monkey like that, but I am because of him being the little one’s favorite.

    Tigger: I am hoping that the next few weeks will be fruitful in the potty training. We’ve decided to let her show an interest. We keep trying to bribe her with “big girl” underwear. She’s interested, but she still doesn’t want to do it.

    And does sound like going to the museum will be fun. It is good to hear a fun story about taking the little ones out. I guess this is partly why creationism bullshit gets on my last nerve. Kids are curious. They want to learn. And twisting that want just pisses me off. Sorry for the tangent.

    Giliell:

    We’ve got the pull ups, but we opted to get a ring for the toilet and a step stool. This might have been a mistake. I might need to reconsider the approach. Maybe we should get a tiny toilet. That might help.

  309. rq says

    glodson
    I found the tiny toilet was useful because, until they start using it regularly, it could be left around with all the toys, and thus becomes a regular object that needn’t be feared. (Also, while they only pee in it, I think it’s perfectly ok to wash it out and leave it around – just don’t let them put chewed toys or food in it!) The step-stool+ring-on-large-toilet became a sort of stepping stone, you know – now that you can handle the small toilet, you can try the big one! :) Dunno, it’s all pretty much individual, so you (obviously) will have to work out which form of bribery works best. ;) (By the way, if any advice seems too much or too unsolicited, let me know, and I’ll stop! I’ve sort of had a bit of a run-in here. :P)
    And it’s definitely tough when the favourite toy gets left somewhere. My dad once had to make a near-midnight run to our apartment to deliver Mr Bear. (Pooh has not been so unfortunate, yet!)

    Nick Gotts
    Ah well, here’s to being fair-minded! Glad you seem to be on the mend, though. :) *gentle pats on shoulder (I know it’s your elbow, but just in case)*

    Alethea
    What’s the name of that documentary?

  310. Catrambi says

    Once I start watching a TV show it’s very hard for me to stop. I basically have to keep watching until it’s cancelled or just ends for whatever reason. But I think I have to make an exception for Californication. It’s the most racist, sexist, homophobic show I’ve ever seen. I just don’t understand what’s going on in the heads of the writers.

    The basic premise of the show is of course that David Duchovny is a sex addict who sleeps with many women but it’s ok because at least he’s honest about it, and even though he ends up hurting many people through being irresponsible it’s ok because he didn’t mean to be so irresponsible and it’s just bad luck and he’s really a good person in the end. A good person who “jokingly” calls his teenage daughter a “slut”, but whatever.

    Throughout its run, a recurring theme is David Duchovny trying/failing to interact with black people by mocking rap music while talking like the stereotype of a 1980’s rapper, and constantly calling his white agent and his other white friends “my nigga” as a way of greeting them.

    The most recent couple of episodes have had a storyline in which the agent character has to pretend to be gay in order to sign a gay actor as his client. This leads to many “humouros” and awkward situations in which the super straight agent needs to play up his gayness so as not to raise suspicion. Obviously, the real gay men he’s socializing with talk about nothing but cock and young hot men, and the agent has to nod along.

    The agent ends up blowing his cover through refusing to blow his client, since, you know, gay men have no excuse to ever want to turn down sex with any other gay man, ever. If the agent doesn’t want to suck his client’s cock, it can only be because he’s not actually gay.

    Fuck it, I’m abandoning this show mid-episode. Can’t believe it took me five and a half seasons. I need to get better at letting go.

  311. Socio-gen, something something... says

    Hello Lounge! Long time, no see…er, read!

    It has been a crazy semester…and we’re only four weeks in! I took on an incredibly difficult topic for my Qualitative Methods research paper and then my partner had to drop from the project due to health issues, so now I’m struggling to narrow the parameters to something I can reasonably expect to complete and present on by May 1st! (I may have to beg Horde help if my Google-fu does not start working properly!)

    As a result I’ve barely had time to read the posts, never mind the comments, and then my stupid wireless adapter quit working, leaving me with no internet at home for two whole weeks! (On the bright side, my apartment is cleaner than it’s ever been, my taxes completed, and my to-be-read pile is much smaller.)

    I’m sure I’ve missed all kinds of news and events. Hugs and good wishes and “feel better soon” to all who need them, and many congrats to those experiencing joys.

    Excitement of the week year to share: I got my picture taken with Kevin Sorbo yesterday while he was touring the campus! (The guy who played Hercules.) He’s an MSUM alum and was the guest speaker for the Founders Scholarship Gala last night and is doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today.

    I’ve only ever had two celebrity crushes in my life, so if I meet Mark Harmon now, I can die happy.

    I can’t stop grinning, not just because I got the picture but because — for the first time EVER — I didn’t let my anxiety talk me out of doing something I really, really wanted to do, for fear of looking like an idiot. I thought, “I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I don’t want to regret blowing my only chance to do this.” Now that I’ve beaten this thing once, maybe I can keep doing it?

    I may never get caught up with the thread because I have a 10-page analytic reaction paper to write on Simone de Beauvoir, but just quickly:

    re: Rexburg, ID
    One of the weirdest things (to me) about the Midwest is how tea is rarely offered, even in restaurants. Or if it is, the choices are always decaf or herbal. I’ve gotten in the habit of carrying my own tea bags.

    broboxley
    The oil boom is in the western part of North Dakota, Fargo is on the eastern border with MN. So housing prices here in Fargo-Moorhead haven’t been affected.

    sheila
    Congratulations on your book’s mention!

    Catrambi:
    Welcome from a current mostly-lurker!

    JAL
    So glad to hear the dentist has helped!! And yay for the cover! ;)

    Sorry about all the V-Day crap you went through.

    Portia
    Chiming in late to say J is a Jerk, you were right, and you’ve nothing to apologize for. Also “Awww” that S will always come get you, and your mom is great!
    — —
    Okay…so I’m sort-of caught up, as much as one can be with a quick skim, but I really should get back to my paper and the 200 pages of reading I have to do for Monday.

    Oh joy.

  312. opposablethumbs says

    I’ll admit to being glad that the first favourite toys are still around somewhere (afaik!) – el monino (kids couldn’t pronounce monito at the time) and “el osito teddy”.

    We went the step plus insert that attaches to the adult loo seat route, one Spawn was fine with it and non-neurotypical Spawn was not fine with it for a long time. But however daunting it is when you’re dealing with it in the immediate future, it eventually stops being daunting. Eventually.
    .
    Tony
    , glad to know I was nowhere near the edge :-) (It’s one thing when a person speaks about themselves, maybe quite another to take even a much smaller liberty when speaking about someone else so I thought I’d err on the side of asking. Anyway, just makes me really happy to know that you have some good things going on, you totally deserve them. Just wish the financial situation improves).
    .
    So, looks like I was right and DaughterSpawn didn’t get the placement she interviewed for. Unless she hears early next week, which is unlikely. She’s a bit down about it and worried about finding anything, so I tried to cheer her up a bit and told her to get hunting for more things to apply for (she’s waiting to hear from two others at the moment). Oy, who’d be a student these days :-( (apart from the whole being young thing, that is! And not having any dependents! (in most cases, I mean; I realise I’m leaving out some of the school leavers and many of the mature students) And spending a couple of years learning new things all the time! Maybe being a student has some upsides.

  313. Hekuni Cat, MQG says

    Giliell – Congratulations!

    Nick – I hope your elbow quickly mends. *gentle pat on the shoulder instead of hugs*

    Tony – *hugs*

  314. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    I just bottled some hot sauce that I’ve been fermenting for the last 2 months.

    It is so fucking hot. It’s going to ruin someone at this oyster roast I’m getting ready to go to.

    And just so no one accuses me of trying to hurt anyone. It is CLEARLY labeled Melt Your Face Off Hot.

    Do not mess with the Trinidad 7 Pot Brain Strain pepper.

  315. Socio-gen, something something... says

    Since I’m playing hooky from my paper in the Radford thread, I’ll throw this sickening story:

    Ethics of 2 cancer studies questioned

    For more than 12 years, as part of two massive U.S-funded studies in India, researchers tracked a large group of women for cervical cancer but didn’t screen them, instead monitoring them as their cancers progressed. At least 79 of the women died.

    One study, funded by the National Cancer Institute, did not adequately inform more than 76,000 women taking part about their alternatives for getting cervical-cancer screening; and those women did not give adequate informed consent, according to the Office of Human Research Protection, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

    The other study, funded by the Gates Foundation, is under review by the Food and Drug Administration, according to Kristina Borror, the OHRP’s director of compliance oversight. That study has raised similar concerns regarding 31,000 women who were tracked but not routinely screened or treated for cervical cancer.

  316. Portia, who will be okay. says

    WARNING OMNI-COMMENT AHEAD

    Dhorvath:

    My federal isn’t yours. I am Canadian, eh!

    Hm. I have heard of the existence of the place you mention, but I’ve been convinced it was a mythical place. ;)

    Tigger

    Had he really had your safety in mind, rather than his ego, he would have been apologising profusely down the phone, not yelling at you. Then again, if he had your safety in mind he wouldn’t have been trying to trample over your wishes in the first place.

    His horrible reaction and the consequent sureness that I had done the right thing mirrored my feelings about people who are Super Defensive about being told they’ve done/said something “ist” The people who are genuine are those that say “I didn’t realize that was offensive, I’m sorry. I’ll think about that.” The ones who want to stay blind are the ones who kick and scream. (In J’s case, literally scream).

    Your mum sounds awesome. =^_^=

    She told me a story I had forgotten: We were in a bookstore when I was a kid, and I got a couple book-rows away from her when a creepy adult man came up and started talking to me. She removed me from the situation and I confessed feeling guilty for wanting to be rude to the man, as he made me uncomfortable. She told me she marched me to the front of the store so I could see her making an adamant complaint to the bookstore staff and see that you do not have to quietly, politely tolerate creepy or rude or inappropriate behavior. I’ve been called many impolite names because of it over the years but I think it’s gotten me out of a lot of unsafe situations.

    I like your kitty-smile emoticon :)

    “Well, you’ll just have to stop putting nappies on me, won’t you?”

    Ha! Sassy smart little thing. : )

    Tony:

    I do have the bright spot of J and I getting to spend the day together on Sunday. I hope to do brunch on the beach somewhere. We have a ferris wheel out there too that I was thinking we could try out. I also want to check around for a batting cage. I did that once for a date years ago. It was fun!

    That sounds lovely! I hope you find a batting cage.

    Beatrice:

    The Jerk isn’t just a jerk, he sounds rapey. It’s good that you are done with him. Sorry about the icecream.

    Yeah, I’m really glad I didn’t consider where the night might have worstcasescenario’d until after I was calm and rested and further removed from the situation.

    Ah, the post-Valentine’s day chocolate sales, how I love you. I bought candied orange peel truffles for mum and myself. Divine

    Hmmmm I might just have to leave the house today. For Chocolate.

    Giliell:
    Congrats on the exam! Way to go!

    Apparently I can’t stop talking about the J Fiasco.

    Then that’s what you need at the moment.
    (hugs)

    Thank you. *hugs* to you

    Of course there was no box for me to fit in. How dare I have kids when still in college?

    Inconceivable, I tell you! You need to work on your Conformity Quotient. It’s much too low, you know.

    Nick Gotts:
    Sorry ‘bout your elbow. Consider the stoic shoulder-pats reciprocated and appreciated.

    even if Jerk would have stopped short of rape, it would only have got harder to extricate yourself.

    That’s a great point… he probably would have just gotten pushier. Yikes.

    rq:

    Your mom is awesome.

    Thanks : ) I think I’ll keep her.

    opposablethumbs

    Portia, your mum is indeed awesome. As is Cerberus for that comment to you upthread; we all “invest” in people like that, and are loath to accept that our friends are moving into creep territory :-(

    Thanks for this. I thought of something funny today that I wanted to share with J, and had a moment of sad. Sad that he’s such an ass, I suppose. There’s a bit of mourning though, which seems to be the next phase after denial of the creep status.

    glodson

    Yea, you don’t want to slip into the blues. It can be hard when you have a friend that you discover was a jackass the whole time.

    I am going to take steps I know have helped before, like accomplishing stuff on my to-do list to get a feeling of self-satisfaction. That will help.

    I hope you enjoyed your ice cream, and I hope you find some decent and interesting people to talk to.

    Why, I think I just might have. : ) *holds up mirror, facing towards Lounge*

    Congrats on the recentish new houseness.

    Really, I think that the acceptance of the non-existence of a god or afterlife leads directly to a need to make this world better in the here and now. The two are linked. That, as least for me, is an implication of living in a godless universe.

    That’s how it was for me. I was a dyed-in-the-wool Republican and a sort of weakish* Xian. Then I read more and more atheist blogs but was one of those liberturdian atheists for a while. One by one, those regressive beliefs dropped away as I realized that progressivism was the natural consequence of applying reason to everything.

    *weakish autocorrects to weakfish in Word. Learn a new word every day…

    rq

    Umm excuse the glitch. That would be Youngest helping me out with my commenting.

    Teeheehee cute. : )

    Catrambi

    Fuck it, I’m abandoning this show mid-episode. Can’t believe it took me five and a half seasons. I need to get better at letting go.

    Seems that tv shows can be like people : )

    Socio-gen!!!
    Hi! Great to see you again!

    I’ve only ever had two celebrity crushes in my life, so if I meet Mark Harmon now, I can die happy.

    Ha! That’s really fun!

    I can’t stop grinning, not just because I got the picture but because — for the first time EVER — I didn’t let my anxiety talk me out of doing something I really, really wanted to do, for fear of looking like an idiot. I thought, “I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and I don’t want to regret blowing my only chance to do this.” Now that I’ve beaten this thing once, maybe I can keep doing it?

    That’s great. I do the same thing with anxiety, and it’s so rewarding to overcome it! Good for you!

    Chiming in late to say J is a Jerk, you were right, and you’ve nothing to apologize for. Also “Awww” that S will always come get you, and your mom is great!

    Thanks : ) The kicker is that S and I had sort of agreed to “give each other space” and I really hated to disturb that, but I knew he’d still come through for me. Can’t buy that kind of emotional security.

    opposablethumbs

    So, looks like I was right and DaughterSpawn didn’t get the placement she interviewed for.

    Oh, that’s too bad. : ( *anklehugs* and *soothingbabyanimalpictures* for DaughterSpawn

    Joe:

    Guess where my cats have spent most of the last 18 hours?

    Ha! Sounds like kitty heaven.

    RBDC:

    Melt Your Face Off Hot.

    Yikes! Count me out. I’m a wuss.

    Socio-gen:

    Ethics of 2 cancer studies questioned

    My jaw is dropped. That’s so terrible. I looked at the dates to see if it was long ago. Nope, began in 1997! Not that longer ago would be better…but…somehow it would seem less horrifying. I know that’s not rational, but can’t escape the feeling. I just…that’s monstrous.

    `-`-`-`-`-`

    For breakfast I made an omelet with green onions, white onions, chorizo and cheddar. I topped it with refried bean/beef/onion mix leftover from taco night, and added sour cream and tomatoes. It was delicious and filling and I feel good. Especially because I don’t actually like the taste of eggs very much so burying it was a great idea.

  317. Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :) says

    Can anyone suggest a phrasing by which it might successfully be communicated that it is REASONABLE to be insulted by someone thinking so little of you that they consider it SO much more plausible that (you are too fucking stupid to tell the difference between “an empty grocery bag” and “a grocery bag containing daughter’s ballet clothes”) than that (they might have made a mistake while tired and preoccupied), that they will go through five increasingly frantic rounds of “are you SURE they aren’t there?!” rather than just accept the latter proposition?

    (Parentheses added for clarity by grouping cohesive propositions).

  318. Beatrice says

    Azkyroth,

    No. I would probably go with “Do you think I’m that stupid?” (or some variation ) and end up with the other side being angry.
    Don’t ever take advice from me.

  319. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Rev,

    Reading your comment made my eyes water and my face tingle. No kidding.

    +++++
    Azkyroth,

    The suggestion that other-person thinks little of your intelligence would come as a surprise to other-person, because that is not why the question was asked. People ask those types of questions, even annoyingly repetitively, because they are cognitively depleted by the stress of the problem and no other options spring to mind.

  320. Beatrice says

    The suggestion that other-person thinks little of your intelligence would come as a surprise to other-person, because that is not why the question was asked. People ask those types of questions, even annoyingly repetitively, because they are cognitively depleted by the stress of the problem and no other options spring to mind.

    Maybe Azkyroth sees it differently, but to me, the implication that I’m stupid is there. But yeah, that’s my issue, not the issue of the person who is asking an innocent question.

  321. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Oh, I totally understand why the implication seems to be there. I’d feel the same way!

    There isn’t an easy solution for this type of problem, either. You can say “I wish that when you notice you’re asking me the same question over and over again, you’d remember to please take my word for it,” in an attempt to give them a way out of the loop, but then you’re hoping they’ll remember that when they’re cognitively depleted — at best it will take a lot of patient practice.

  322. Portia, who will be okay. says

    How about something like, “I know you’re asking again and again because you’re frustrated that I’m not finding it, but the asking is making me feel like you think I’m stupid. I promise you I’ve looked thoroughly.”

  323. strange gods before me ॐ says

    Or try to devise a signal that will distract them from the loop, I guess. (I’m now out of ideas.)

  324. rq says

    Socio-gen!!! Long time no read! I missed you; thought about you recently.
    Glad to hear things are ok. :)
    And hooray for celebrity pictures, esp. not letting anxiety get in the way.
    *hugs&thumbsup*

  325. consciousness razor says

    Or try to devise a signal that will distract them from the loop, I guess. (I’m now out of ideas.)

    It’s generally not very tactful to make it a sarcastic one (e.g., pretending to really be that stupid, maybe with visual or other cues), since sarcasm can be particularly hard to grok while your cognitizing is depleting. They may basically get what you’re saying, but not have the plenitude of cogniticity to avoid taking it as more hostile than you intended … or perhaps not hostile enough.

  326. says

    Non-believers taking college campuses by storm.

    Secular groups on college campuses are proliferating. The Ohio-based Secular Student Alliance, which a USA Today writer once called a “Godless Campus Crusade for Christ,” incorporated as a nonprofit in 2001. By 2007, 80 campus groups had affiliated with them, 100 by 2008, 174 by 2009, and today there are 394 SSA student groups on campuses across the country. “We have been seeing rapid growth in the past couple of years, and it shows no sign of slowing down,” says Jesse Galef, communications director at SSA. “It used to be that we would go to campuses and encourage students to pass out flyers. Now, the students are coming to us almost faster than we can keep up with.”

    Full article here: http://www.salon.com/2013/02/16/non_believers_taking_college_campuses_by_storm_partner/

  327. carlie says

    I would probably be like “Hear that? That’s the bag rattling. It’s empty. Can you hear that it’s empty? If I could take a picture of it and send it to you, I would. I cannot make this bag be unempty.”
    I do not know that that would be helpful.

  328. Portia, who will be okay. says

    I love this font for will heading. It’s almost like a little bit of artistry in the boring legalese. If it wouldn’t be weird, I would calligraphize the headings myself.

  329. says

    One of the Moments of Mormon Madness that started it all:

    “I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter, nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet” (Joseph Smith, History of the Church, vol. 6, pp. 408-09).

    Now you know. That’s how Joe Smith thought of himself.

  330. says

    Here’s a current Moment of Mormon Madness. Utah State legislators are mostly white, mostly male, and, at the present time, more than 90% mormon. These guys have worked diligently for years to encode LDS dogma into Utah’s supposedly secular laws. Recently, they have been less successful. Could it be that their power is waning?

    One of the mormon doofuses in the legislature is LaVar Christensen, a Republicaqqn from Draper, Utah. He tried to sneak an amendment into a Utah law that would have defined dating as a precursor to marriage. This convoluted move, which he defined as pertaining to “public morality,” would have exempted gay couples from protection under the law.

    Utahns who are attacked or threatened by a dating partner would be able to go to court and seek a protective order keeping the partner away under a bill that passed the Utah House on Friday.

    The passage of HB50 did not come without a fight over whether the new dating protective order should extend to same-sex couples.

    An amendment, offered by Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper, would have defined dating as a precursor to marriage. But because Utah prohibits same-sex couples from marrying, supporters of the measure argued that gay and lesbian couples would not be protected under Christensen’s proposal….

    Christensen’s proposal failed.

    Full story here:
    http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/politics/55841635-90/amendment-bill-christensen-dating.html.csp

  331. says

    Reader’s comments on the story summarized @495:

    Boy meets girl in a bar….They hit it off while having a few drinks…They end up in the sack together & bump a few ugly’s….Girl wakes up, now sober & feels the shame & guilt instilled in her from several years of religious brain washing…Girl now must go file a restraining order because she did a no no….Isn’t that swell?

    I can’t believe so many of you are applauding this attack on our freedom. Another one of our rights stripped away by the government. Awesome.

    get a concealed carry permit and a handgun and the necessary training to defend yourself until law enforcement arrives.

  332. Socio-gen, something something... says

    Catrambi
    She is. It’s something she’s been dealing with and she’d planned to have surgery after the spring semester ended in May, but she’s been experiencing some new symptoms and her doctors felt that moving the surgery up to early March would avoid potential complications.

    I’m just glad she let me know now, rather than calling me in March and saying, “Oh by the way, you’re on your own now.” She is helping me on refining the idea (content analysis of anti-abortion laws to see how they’ve changed over time) and narrowing it to something I can do alone.

    opposablethumbs
    Sorry to hear about your daughter. Wishing her good luck as she continues her search.

    Portia
    It was such a huge moment for me. Just gave me this sense of control over my life that I didn’t even realize I’d been missing.

    Knowing S has always got your back, no matter what… priceless.
    ++

    I know! The studies are still on-going today, although NOW they’ve added screenings. Too late for the women who died, but I guess poor women from the slums of Mumbai are more disposable than Gillette razors to these researchers.

    rq!!!!
    I’ve missed you and everyone here too! I never realized just how much I depend on Pharyngula to maintain my equilibrium until I had to do without. So much WHARGARBLE on my end and no ability to release it through vicarious troll skewerings.

    Portia, again
    Ooh! I’m not sure if it’s the same, but it’s definitely similar to the one I used for my son’s graduation party invitations. Just his first and last initials on either side of the Black Knights mascot on the cover and then just the first letter of the Date, Time, Place lines on the invitation.

    Lynna
    Oy but they’re a special bunch….

  333. birgerjohansson says

    That cancer study makes me think of Tuskeege.
    It is getting late here. I am pondering some Big Questions.
    — — — — — — —
    Started reading Mieville’s “Railsea”. Why do anglo-saxons have this thing for giant things? Giant white whales, giant London hedgehogs, a giant white mole living in a tundra covered by railroad tracks…
    — — — —
    English is divided into ‘mercan and Brit (I don’t know which variant my version of spell check is using, btw). I understand that the Brit version likes to insert “u” but which one uses “s” and which one uses “z”? Civilized or just civilised? That is the question…
    — — — —
    And what if Ganesha is actually a liberal? The Republicans would freak out.

  334. says

    Richard Dawkins is hosting a sarcastic “makes sense” day.

    This morning I posted a series of tweets, making fun of some of religion’s absurdities, each one ending with the ironic phrase “Makes sense”. Almost immediately this started a trend, and several hundred other people joined in, also ending their tweets with the same ironic phrase. I retweeted a minority of these (about one in five) and this minority is collected here, together with the original ones that I wrote myself.

    Ex-mormons are having fun with this on Recovery from Mormonism:

    # Church gets ten percent of everyone’s income and builds a mall, makes members clean the toilets. Makes sense.

    From: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,796512

  335. says

    Salon posted an article reporting on stats that show that states with the highest per capita use of anti-depressants are also the states whose populations identify as “very religious.”