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Jan 20 2013

[Lounge #397]

BabyPufferFish

This is the lounge. You can discuss anything you want, but you will do it kindly. Huff and puff!

Status: Heavily Moderated; Previous thread

709 comments

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  1. 1
    Jadehawk

    alright, just to make sure it’s not overlooked (because I’m important and stuff):

    I might be able to go to WIS2 after all. So, are there any DC-area couches I (and maybe the boyfriend, too) could possibly crash on for that weekend?
    And could someone who’s on facebook/pet more regularly ask the DC-area folks there if they’d have a spot?

  2. 2
    chigau (違う)

    second!
    (or third or whatever)
    Look at #1.
    Get Jadehawk to WIS2!

  3. 3
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    Good morning. I am sitting in a huge comfy leather armchair looking out to sea. The sky and sea are a lovely blue and it’s a gentle 26 degrees. Pelicans are soaring about. Plans for the day: gym, light tourist walking & shopping, lounge about reading, eat seafood, see pelican feeding and penguin colony.

    I’m not sure I’ll be able to post much – in room wifi is very dodgy and expensive, and my phone has no coverage here. My friend’s does, though, so maybe I can get her to run a hotspot.

  4. 4
    cicely

    chigau:
    I do love my tabletop gaming! Where else do you get to accidentally make all of Manhattan Island radioactive by having a team mate dump a villains malfunctioning nuclear power pack down into the sewers before trying to fly away, belatedly realise that there’s no way he can 1) get away before the BOOM!, or 2) survive the blast…then fly down into the sewer trying to find said power pack (in the sewage! Yum!) in an attempt to do an emergency shut-down (unsuccessful). This being a superheroes campaign, the blast blew him to impact with a plane (sticking him half in, half out of the passenger compartment, because Funny!), and his mutant regeneration powers (eventually) saved him.
     
    Or accidentally blow up an art gallery when the group members lose track of who has telekinetic control of the villain’s helicopter, and it rotates through the skylight.
     
    Or accidentally burn about half of the NYC area to the ground (mishap with oil tankers; and some people just cannot be trusted to have characters with Weather Control powers).
     
    Or…or…or…..
    :D
    -
    -

  5. 5
    Jessa

    Jadehawk: I cross-posted your request on Facebook.

  6. 6
    Jadehawk

    thanks, jessa

  7. 7
    sunny12

    Pardon me if this is a dumb question, but is there a way to change my avatar to something other than default? I can’t seem to see the option in the “Edit my Profile” link.

  8. 8
    Alethea Kuiper-Belt

    I have partly caught up now and it seems a whole lot of hugs are needed. I wish I could teleport some of you over here to my beautiful lounge.

    Improbable Joe, the fishy is right about how depression lies to you. I call it “brain spam”. That little act of distancing makes it more bearable. Since you’re also in a new place without contacts, have you considered volunteering? I am imagining you teaching guitar to disadvantaged kids. The commitment gets you out of the house and the social contact is good – and that’s even before the actual helping other people karma bonus.

  9. 9
    Jessa

    sunny12:

    The avatars here are linked to Gravatar. You’ll need to set up an account using the same e-mail address that you used to register here, then upload a pic to use as your avatar.

  10. 10
    sunny12

    Ooh cool, thanks! :)
    Now to choose an image…

  11. 11
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    ugh

  12. 12
    Jafafa Hots

    Tabletop gaming sounds cool, but I don’t know anybody.

    Someone needs to invent a computerized version of these kinds of games for us loners.

  13. 13
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Jafafa Hots
    Unless that was sarcasm, I’ve been having very good luck with chat and play-by -post games. If that was a comment about WOW and the like, they’re really not the same thing at all, IMO.

  14. 14
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Jafafa Hots,

    Me too! Are there tabletop games that don’t require me leaving the house, or allowing other people into my house?

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Oh, yeah… volunteering and other activities. I’d love to do them, but I don’t have a car anymore and there’s no public transportation near to me. My wife works pretty far away and non-standard hours so doing things out of the house is expensive/inconvenient for both of us. There’s no easy fixes, but I appreciate everyone taking the time to try to figure stuff out.

    I’m going to try to find some sort of weekend activity for me and my wife to do, or maybe even just for me to do. She needs to unwind more than to take up a bunch of hobbies, although we DO plan on doing some bowling here soon.

  17. 17
    Jafafa Hots

    Come to think of it, I don’t have a tabletop either.
    (not one that isn’t buried under an avalanche of someone else’s crap, anyway…)

  18. 18
    Inaji

    Joins Ogvorbis:

    Aaarrrrrrggggggghhhhh!

    Now the fuckwit is excusing his casual sexism. “Hey, it’s what I do.”

  19. 19
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Aaarrrrrrggggggghhhhh!

    Now the fuckwit is excusing his casual sexism. “Hey, it’s what I do.”

    I know.

    And I even tried to engage hir about the subject xe seemed to want to engage on. And, from hir reply, xe didn’t read a word I wrote and ignored my response. The idiocy is strong in this one.

  20. 20
    Inaji

    Chas, I responded on NYT.

  21. 21
    Dutchgirl

    I wish I had the time to do table-top rpg’s, but alas, too many hobbies already. Today I racked the mead I made, can hardly wait the 6 months still needed for aging. But for those self-described loners looking for informal story-telling style gaming, my husband enjoys some on going games on facebook.

  22. 22
    Jafafa Hots

    I think I missed something.

  23. 23
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Jafafa Hots
    Caine and Ogvorbis are talking about an obnoxious troll over on the Thunderdome.

    Alethea
    I can’t speak for Joe, but I haven’t found that volunteering has helped much; I never really worked out how to go from ‘co worker whom I chat with sometimes at work’ to ‘friend who i see outside of work’ (same goes for volunteering.)

  24. 24
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    And, sadly, the obnoxious troll over in Thunderdome has just been one-upped.

    Trolls run rampant. Good bloggers are silenced by misogynists.

    Screw it. I’m heading for bed. G’night, all.

  25. 25
    Inaji

    Ogvorbis:

    And, sadly, the obnoxious troll over in Thunderdome has just been one-upped.

    Yes, most thickwitted bigot. Lovely. I might have to download another Jim Hines book.

  26. 26
    Inaji

    Jafafa Hots:

    I think I missed something.

    Fuckwits. Thunderdome. Douglas and comradebob.

  27. 27
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Looks like the Bat signal for asshole trolls is shining bright tonight.

  28. 28
    Nepenthe

    @Rev

    I’ll call that “ugh” and raise you a “jesus christ in 50 year’s we’re going to have as many stupid ‘traditions’ surrounding the monarchy as Britain”.


    Fuckity fuck. The last nuclear relative that I haven’t told about being raped is embarking on a grand artistic project to raise awareness about sexual assault and date rape, focusing on the effect on the people who know the victim. I have to tell them. I don’t want to tell them. If I don’t tell them, they’re bound to say something stupid and triggering about rape and I’m bound to flip out and tell them on accident, as happened with the rest of family. And there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth and more disapproval from rest of family.

    And I would super love to tell them how fucked up the whole idea for their project is and how, really, scrap it now, but… Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh.

  29. 29
    Inaji

    Jim aka noelplum99 has been kissed by the banhammer.

  30. 30
    Inaji

    Nepenthe:

    The last nuclear relative that I haven’t told about being raped is embarking on a grand artistic project to raise awareness about sexual assault and date rape, focusing on the effect on the people who know the victim.

    :facepalm:

    You know as well as I do, that the effects on those who love and care about rape victim should not be ignored or dismissed, however, that’s quite the lovely erasure of all those victims when it’s made to be focus.

    I’m sorry you’re going to have to go through that talk, it doesn’t sound like it will be at all easy. This Invisible Pixel sends you much love and copious amounts of alcohol.

  31. 31
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Jim aka noelplum99 has been kissed by the banhammer.

    Douglas… Thoughts?

  32. 32
    Inaji

    Rev. BDC:

    Douglas… Thoughts?

    Douglas has thoughts? I don’t think so. He’s annoying as all hells, but a gnat compared to most. I’d rather see the likes of “comradebob” banhammered so hard he’d shoot straight through the planet.

  33. 33
    Nepenthe

    @Caine

    Much thanks.

    [Content note: rape related shit]

    I can’t even explain how offensive this project sounds. But… family. And it’s their first big project that’s really theirs from start to finish and the art world isn’t a great place to make a living (especially when you’re not young anymore) and thus I can’t shit on it and it’s too late to stop it now and the nature of the medium means that nothing can be done about it and aaaaaaaaargh.

    And I don’t want them to ask questions, I know they’re going to offer to kill him, I don’t want them to ask why I stayed with rapist for so long, I don’t want them to tell me to get over it, if I hear the phrase “he/him wins/won” I think I might barf, I don’t want them to dispense older-wiser advice….

    And the only person in real life I could talk to about this has been going on and on and on and on about how difficult my being raped has been for him and how much it’s affected his life and how it’s sorta my fault and I need to grow a spine and all that shit and fuuuuuuuck.

  34. 34
    Rev. BigDumbChimp

    Well Douglas was concerned with censoring banning.

    And he’s been so very ente..

    Um

    Enterta..

    Uh

    Enterta…

    Ahhhhh fuck it. Who am I kidding

  35. 35
    Nutmeg

    Dalillama:

    I never really worked out how to go from ‘co worker whom I chat with sometimes at work’ to ‘friend who i see outside of work’

    God, yes. I wish someone would do step-by-step instructions for this. I know it’s supposed to involve a casual invitation for coffee, or something, but I’ve never been able to do it. Other people have taken the initiative a couple of times, but somehow I missed whatever social judo they performed.

  36. 36
    cicely

    Okay, none of the business with douglas1102 is making any sense to me….
    -
    Ha! Now I know what douglas1102′s approach to commenting (over in the [Thunderdome]) reminds me of!
     
    It reminds me of the way the bureaucrats spent damn’ near an entire fucking school year fucking with my BEOG; they’d find some fault with my answer to, say, question 3, and rather than looking over the rest of it and sending a request for clarification on, say, questions 3, 11, 14, 22 and 30, they would spit it back (with snail-mail as the only option, ’cause this was Back In The Day), I’d provide what they’d needed, snail-mail it back, and when it hit the next problem (“question 11″), more snail-mailing, and on and on and on, the questions all had to be answered in order, and if you think they were in any hurry to process it, you’ve got another think coming. Which in turn screwed up my WorkStudy pay; they’d approved it provisionally, but couldn’t pay me until my BEOG application was finally accepted.
     
    It came through in the last month of the second semester…or else my parents would have been just stuck with the loan that wasn’t meant to last a month.
     
    Not that I’m bitter….
    -
    *hugs* and moral support for Nepenthe.
    -

  37. 37
    Inaji

    Nepenthe:

    And the only person in real life I could talk to about this has been going on and on and on and on about how difficult my being raped has been for him and how much it’s affected his life and how it’s sorta my fault and I need to grow a spine and all that shit and fuuuuuuuck.

    Ohhhhhh…make that a whole fucking truckload of booze. Yikes. That’s pretty much hitting all the bingo squares at once. I so much wish I was there, that I was close, that I could provide a meatspace friendship. This shit is already so hard to deal with, the reactions don’t need to be a horrorshow of their own.

    As for your artist relative, yeah, I know all about the art world. I walked away from it decades ago and built up a private clientele. I still dabble with it, but on my terms. The pretentiousness of it can kill you. That said, if your relative turned their work to the toxicity of reactions, that would be a really good piece.

  38. 38
    Owlmirror

    Who shot the serif?

    http://www.fonts.com/font/bitstream/shotgun

    /nerd

  39. 39
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    ….$48 for a FONT?

  40. 40
    Owlmirror

    Study may explain why wolves are forever wild, but dogs can be tamed http://phys.org/news/2013-01-wolves-wild-dogs.html

    Huh.

    I wonder if those socialization-bred silver foxes have the same sort of developmental differences?

    For that matter, I wonder if such developmental differences exist between humans vs chimpanzees vs bonobos?

    Uh-oh… is this evopsych?

  41. 41
    Inaji

    Azkyroth:

    ….$48 for a FONT?

    That’s cheap.

  42. 42
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Owlmirror #40

    Yes, yes, and no. Or at any rate yes, arguably, and no, but still.

  43. 43
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Do humans socialize in dramatically different ways from chimps or bonobos?

  44. 44
    Nepenthe

    @Nutmeg

    I’d definitely chip in for a commissioned “co-worker to friend guide book”.


    @Caine

    I should be fair, it’s not like friend has been harping on this actively in the recent past, but we speak maybe twice a month and it builds up because it’s not like he’d apologize or even understand why it’s upsetting. We’ve gotten to the “stop joking about how I’m a trainwreck, only I get to do that” and “you do not get to tell me that I have a defective personality kthnx” part. If I had aforementioned guide book, I’d have more than one real life friend and this would not be an issue.

    if your relative turned their work to the toxicity of reactions, that would be a really good piece.

    I can only hope. Given that said relative is a fan of Tosh.0, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, not bloody likely. But they have a lot of seemingly feministy women working with them, so… maybe?

    Thank you for the support. I can’t express how much it means to me. And thank you cicely.


    @Azkyroth

    I’ve never heard of any documented cases of one chimp mixing another chimp a cocktail, so there’s that.

    And I’m going to see whether vanilla soy milk is drinkable in a White Russian.

  45. 45
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Sharing food happens, though.

  46. 46
    Nutmeg

    Really dumb question about Unix

    Sorry for the really basic question, but I’ve been told to do a basic Unix tutorial so I can run some scripts for data analysis. I know precisely zero about Unix, so I haven’t been able to pick the right Google search terms to answer my question.

    I’m trying to use the “option” thingy, which looks to me like it’s just a hyphen. But I keep getting error messages whenever I do “-a”. I’m using Windows PowerShell for this, on a PC running Windows 7. Help?

  47. 47
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Nepenthe:
    Try it with vanilla, coffee or chocate flavored vodka.
    Also hugs n bacon.

  48. 48
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Nepenthe
    That situation sucks. *hugs* if desired, and sympathies.

    Azkyroth 43
    Hugely so, but it’s really really hard to separate the behavioral changes that come from complex language/culture from ones that would be associated with ‘domestication.’ (assuming there is a meaningful distinction, anyway). Incidentally, relative to chimps, bonobos actually show a lot the traits associated with domestication.

  49. 49
    ChasCPeterson

    Who shot the serif?

    I missed this. It’s funny.

  50. 50
    Jadehawk

    temperature right now: -25C/-13F (-43C/-45F with windchill)
    forecast for tomorrow: -30C/-21F (-46C/-51F with windchill)

    plans: stay in bed and drink hot tea

  51. 51
    Owlmirror

    I’m trying to use the “option” thingy, which looks to me like it’s just a hyphen. But I keep getting error messages whenever I do “-a”.

    I’m not sure what the context is… but I wonder if it’s possible you’re being tripped up by so-called “smart” substitution from a word processing program? That is, “-”, when used as a Unix option, must indeed be a hyphen (ASCII character 45(decimal) or 2D (hexadecimal)). But word processors will invisibly translate some characters to others, so the hyphen might be turned into a Unicode character that looks like a hyphen, but isn’t recognized as such by the shell interpreter.

  52. 52
    Nutmeg

    Owlmirror: Is there a way I could turn off the translation and see? I’m just typing directly into the PowerShell thing, not in a word processor.

  53. 53
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    Cerberus, Tony, Joe, Parrowing, Nepenthe – *hugs*

  54. 54
    Owlmirror

    Oh, wait. There’s also the point that Windows PowerShell is not a standard Unix shell program. No, it will not accept arguments in the same way as on Unix.

    On Unix “ls” is an actual program (well, maybe not all the time; on busybox, it’s a builtin). In Windows Powershell, it’s its own thing, and does not work the same as on Unix.

  55. 55
    Owlmirror

    I don’t suppose it’s possible to run a virtual machine running Linux or BSD on your computer? Or simpler yet, telnet/ssh to a Unix server somewhere?

  56. 56
    Nutmeg

    Owlmirror, thanks for the tip about PowerShell being not what I want. I do have the capability to connect to another server, I’m just not sure what I’m doing yet, so I was trying to keep things on my computer. I’ll give the other server a shot and see what happens. Time for bed soon anyway.

  57. 57
    Nutmeg

    Yay, it worked! Thanks! I’ll finish the tutorial tomorrow.

  58. 58
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I feel like an evil little shit. I want to go back to the Thunderdome and ask douglas what he meant about PZ censoring…

  59. 59
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    BTW, Caine-the ‘nym alteration is in honor of you :)

  60. 60
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Today, January 21 would have been M’s 33rd birthday…SIGH.

  61. 61
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Tony
    *hugs*

  62. 62
    Markita Lynda—threadrupt

    Nutmeg, a couple of things: of course Unix +tutorial is a pretty good search; and, while you’re in Unix, “man “, e.g. “man ls” gets you the bare-bones manual page for the function, listing its syntax and its options and what they do.

    Any chance of telling artistic relative, “Research has shown..”?

    Damn other relative for demanding you comfort him.

    (hugs)

  63. 63
    Ariaflame, BSc, BF, PhD

    *headscratch* I seem to be getting either the mobile or normal site randomly. No matter whether I’m on my mobile device or on an actual desktop computer.

    Oh and nutmeg Never do “rm -rf”

  64. 64
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Y’know, this place has had such an impact on my life. I’m sitting at Emerald City again, and I literally just had a conversation with a heterosexual couple who were fat shaming. They made some comment about someone being overweight and having rolls or something. The woman asked me why I rolled my eyes and I told her that I don’t think it is right to shame people for being fat. She insisted that fat people have no excuse because it is a health issue. I told her that it *can* be a health issue, but for many people it isn’t something they can control and that they should not be made to feel bad for being bigger than others. I tried to explain to the couple that if someone who was overweight was sitting in front of them, they might feel awful, or ashamed hearing them say that shit. I told them that I don’t want to say something that’s going to offend someone because of unchangeable physical characteristics. It’s a level of offensive that I won’t do. The woman tried to tell me that it definitely is a health issue, and I made the point of saying that I’m not a doctor or any kind of health official, so I am not qualified to make any judgement about someone’s ideal weight.
    The couple quickly shut up and left the bar. I don’t know if I made them uncomfortable. Quite frankly, I hope I did. I hope I made them feel ashamed that they were making fun of people who aren’t….ummm, what’s the word here? I’m used to neurotypical when discussing mental issues, but what is the term when discussing the “normative” body type. Apologies if I’m using the wrong words here and I hope people understand what I’m asking.

  65. 65
    Inaji

    Caine:

    BTW, Caine-the ‘nym alteration is in honor of you :)

    I think it’s more properly in honour of Anne Jones, who ran away and didn’t bother to explain “super-duper mean to gay people.”

  66. 66
    Amblebury

    Hi everyone! I haven’t caught up, but I will.
    *
    I’m worried about TLC, he’s very down and has been for some time. I’m not well tonight and I think slumber is going to overtake me. I’m letting other people know so they can step in if needs be. Thanks.
    *
    TLC, please come back and talk to people here in the Lounge. I’m worried about you. There are always good, smart, experienced people here. Let them do what they do well.

  67. 67
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Ariaflame:
    blame Rebecca Watson. She’s responsible for *everything*.

  68. 68
    Inaji

    Amblebury:

    I’m worried about TLC, he’s very down and has been for some time.

    I know, he said as much on my blog, but he also said he’s not ready to come back here. For anyone on PET, he can be found there and at atheism+, he said.

  69. 69
    katenrala

    Anybody run across who Dr. Phil Valentine before?

    He’s melted my brain.

    So has the commentators on youtube. I tried to share the gift of critical thinking with them horde, I tried! ;_;

    The Entering of a New Galaxy & Solar System 1/2/12:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5WBmxqv5yo

    I was injured watching this: Tree of Life w/ Phil Valentine
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhtHufiYj80

    I didn’t bother with this one: Homosexuality & Feminism Part 2

  70. 70
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Amblebury:
    I saw the alert on PET, but I thought enough people had chatted with him that the worst of it was over. I can’t remember the last time I saw TLC here…

  71. 71
    Inaji

    Katenrala:

    I tried to share the gift of critical thinking with them horde, I tried! ;_;

    Very brave of you, but I’m afraid YT is such a pit that there’s no getting through.

  72. 72
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Good morning

    Speaking of missing regulars, anybody heard of skeptifem?
    She must have had her baby by now…

  73. 73
    Pteryxx

    Gah… I’m not on PET and not quite ready to go back on A+ yet. Could someone pass hugs along to TLC for me?

  74. 74
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Pteryxx:
    I thought you were spending more time on A+ than here. I missed something I guess.

  75. 75
    sunny12

    *testing to see if the Gravatar is working*

  76. 76
    sunny12

    Oooooh!

  77. 77
    Inaji

    Tony:

    I thought you were spending more time on A+ than here. I missed something I guess.

    You know, it’s really not anyone else’s business where someone spends their time or why they might be taking a break. Just saying because it strikes me that this sort of comment can be seen a prying or requiring an explanation, and on a personal level, I really dislike that sort of thing. (Pteryxx may not mind at all, I’m speaking for myself alone.)

  78. 78
    Amblebury

    Thanks Caine.
    *
    I’ll do that, Pteryxx.

  79. 79
    Pteryxx

    nah Tony, I took a break from everything and this is the only place I’m active at all at the moment. A+ being a forum, is an order of magnitude more work than FTB…. at least the way I tend to do it.

  80. 80
    Pteryxx

    Caine: yeah it could. I weighed that and responded anyway.

  81. 81
    Inaji

    Forums are a ton of work. I can’t do a forum and Pharyngula. I used to be active in three other atheist forums until I found that trying to do that and Pharyngula just wasn’t going to work. Gad, this place is a fucktonne of work as it stands and a major time sink.

  82. 82
    Amblebury

    Hey TLC says thanks, and that he misses you, Pteryxx
    *
    Gahd, forums. I swear some of those people don’t require sleep. I’d never have the time or stamina.
    *
    And with that, I’ll take my queasy innards to bed.

  83. 83
    Inaji

    If it hasn’t already been done, could someone with access to TLC pass this on, because it’s really helpful: http://pharyngula.wikia.com/wiki/Postponing_suicide ?

    Thank you.

  84. 84
    Inaji

    Could someone with access to TLC pass this on to him? (If it hasn’t been done already.) Thank you.

  85. 85
    Inaji

    PZ! Links to the Pharyngula wiki are being spam trapped again.

  86. 86
    ROTATO

    I cast thee aside, depression! I must comment in the lounge!

    I noticed talk of tabletop RPG stuffs and have to mention http://roll20.net , this site helped me to force my other online friends into playing some DnD with me. If there’s one thing I’m addicted to, it’s DMing… and if anybody here was interested I would do many backflips in order to DM for you! I’m in the UK though so timezones might make things difficult. DMing is the last hobby of mine that the depression hasn’t stripped from my mind.

  87. 87
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Half-professional rant
    Ahhh, looking at today’s slides for “pedagogy and psychology” are what’s wrong with lots of teacher training.
    The case under discussion is a boy who hardly ever pays attention, but quickly asks for help in school although he’s actually smart enough. At home he’ll delay starting the homework and then fidgets around until mummy sits next to him (mummy, of course. I guess daddy is out doing something important, but that’s an aside).
    Solution strategies: Tweak homework like this, change school like that and nobody every asks the obvious question which is:
    Why on earth is this kid screaming for attention like this and how can we satisfy that need positively so he won’t fulfill it negatively?

  88. 88
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Giliell

    Why on earth is this kid screaming for attention like this and how can we satisfy that need positively so he won’t fulfill it negatively?

    Good question. Maybe the kid is bored? Maybe he’s not being challenged enough? Maybe he has a learning disorder? Maybe he’s not getting enough attention at home?

  89. 89
    rorschach

    Jadehawk@50,

    temperature right now: -25C/-13F (-43C/-45F with windchill)
    forecast for tomorrow: -30C/-21F (-46C/-51F with windchill)

    plans: stay in bed and drink hot tea

    I’m having trouble reconciling these conditions with the work of a creator god. Clearly humans were not designed to live in such a climate.

    Nothing much happening here, busy working and playing Skyrim, level 22 and working my way up.

  90. 90
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    WMD Kitty
    Yeah, and it’s a question nobody’s asking.
    And it’s a possible solution nobody is looking at.
    I mean, sure, if mummy has to spend 3 hours a day making sure he sits at his desk, he gets her attention. If the teacher has to run over 20 times to make sure he gets started, he gets attention.
    It looks like freaking obvious.
    But no, the “solutions” talk about re-structuring the tasks and stuff.
    Also, something that is completely lacking is asking him what he thinks could change. Really, the kid is just another object in this scenario.

  91. 91
    Ariaflame, BSc, BF, PhD

    @Tony

    Silly me! of course!

  92. 92
  93. 93
    Inaji

    There is a flaming doucheweasel in the thread about Natalie Reed.

    “Oh, so sad and all, but she didn’t write about atheism or skepticism and FTB will soon find another transgender writer, so it’s all good!”

    *spits*

  94. 94
    Matt Penfold

    The doucheweasel is still going. Seem very upset people have been calling him a fuckwit, but oblivious to how rude he was in his very first post.

    If he is not a member of the ‘pit in reality, he certainly is in spirit.

  95. 95
    Inaji

    Yes, well, a fuckwit by any other name and all that.

    ;D

  96. 96
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Good morning.

    Happy Tuesday.

    Happy Martin Luther King Day (USA (observed)).

    I got almost no sleep last night.

    WARNING — DREAM RAMBLE and TRIGGER WARNING

    Around mindnight, I had a really vivid and realistic dream (complete with physical sensations (ugh!)). There were no new shoes that dropped, just more small details (seriously? there is/was a market for photos of young boys urinating on each other? or was this just for personal consumption?). The more I remember, it seems that there were fewer of us involved — I don’t think it was everyone in the scout pack. Which means that he did not abuse everyone, he picked the ones who seemed the most vulnerable? the cutest? the least likely to tell? This asshole chose me (and at least three other cub scouts) for his games. I wonder if the other scouts, the ones not chosen, knew what was going on? or felt slighted because the four of us got so much time with the pack leader?

    And, of course, after I awoke in a cold sweat, I lay there in the midnight darkness wondering, “What did I do to invite this? What made me, rather than T, or S, or V, or S, or any of the other scouts, one of the victims?” And I caught myself (after about an hour (what can I say, sometimes I’m slow, but other times I’m just not too quick on the uptake) and mentally slapped me upside the head. I had nothing to do with his choice to abuse me. It was his choice.

    And spent the next 6 hours arguing with myself about that.

    TRIGGER OVER / RAMBLE OVER

  97. 97
    Inaji

    Ogvorbis:

    And spent the next 6 hours arguing with myself about that.

    Oh dear. If it helps at all, this sort of thing is not only normal, it happens to all of us. Your brain will insist on running ’round and ’round the “what if” “why did I” “why did he” track, in spite of you knowing it wasn’t you and it wasn’t your fault.

  98. 98
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    If it helps at all, this sort of thing is not only normal, it happens to all of us. Your brain will insist on running ’round and ’round the “what if” “why did I” “why did he” track, in spite of you knowing it wasn’t you and it wasn’t your fault.

    I do know that but the reinforcements do help. Thanks.

    My brain seems to be real good at finding loopholes that show why something really is my fault. Its like I have an ambulance-chasing lawyer residing in a dark part of my brain.

  99. 99
    Inaji

    Ogvorbis:

    My brain seems to be real good at finding loopholes that show why something really is my fault. Its like I have an ambulance-chasing lawyer residing in a dark part of my brain.

    It’s because we’re all conditioned to believe that if something bad happens to us, it’s because of something we did in the first place. “Burned your hand? Why did you touch the stove?” “Broke your arm? Why were you jumping on the bed?” “Get hit by a car? Why did you run out into the street?” and so forth. We hear that sort thing from the instant we start crawling about, so it’s no wonder there’s an insistence on running the guilt track.

  100. 100
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    My brain seems to be real good at finding loopholes that show why something really is my fault. Its like I have an ambulance-chasing lawyer residing in a dark part of my brain.

    That phrase is a beautifully apt way to describe it. Add to that the unreliable, sleepy old actor that is our memory and you have a perfect recipe for self-doubt and self-loathing.

    We hear that sort thing from the instant we start crawling about, so it’s no wonder there’s an insistence on running the guilt track.

    And that is something I’ve never considered. One of the tasks of a parent is to teach the child to take responsibility for their actions. Because that’s such a longterm, ongoing task it’s easy to fall into the trap of only every pointing the child’s role in those sort of events. Thanks Caine, you’ve given me something important to think about.

  101. 101
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Er, that should read “…once again, you’ve given me something important to think about.” ;)

  102. 102
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    My deepest sympathies, Ogvorbis. I have been in that “arguing with myself” place many, many times. As if thinking about it can somehow change anything. As if I could just find the right mental trick, the right interpretation, and change the past, or change myself, or make sense of it, or something. I can’t offer any solutions, but you’re not alone in it. I think Caine is right and it happens to all of us. I really hope you can find some peace in your head today.

    Today is -14F and -31F with the windchill. I hate everything, including and especially myself. One of the shittiest parts of depression is that I find it impossible to work when I’m like this, and if I don’t work I don’t make money, and if I don’t make money I get more depressed…

    I should feel hopeful because I’m making progress and things really are getting better. I had a whole $200 left over after bills this month, which is a luxury I’ve lacked since my house burned down and I ended up homeless. (Yes, there was insurance. I never saw a penny of it. It’s a long, tiring, angering story. Short version is my much older, much savvier, much greedier sister was staying with me at the time of the fire, we put the insurance money into a shared account while we figured how the split would work…and now she has a new house and van.) I am light years beyond where I was two and a half years ago. But stupidly and illogically, my brain is just cemented into “fuck everything” mode and I feel trapped in my own head. Not being able to really go outside is definitely not helping.

    Maybe I’ll do the Angry Dance from Flight of Conchords.

  103. 103
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    As if thinking about it can somehow change anything. As if I could just find the right mental trick, the right interpretation, and change the past, or change myself, or make sense of it, or something.

    Thinking about it solo does end up being circular.

    Discussing it with others is where the real progress happens.

    For me, the realization that I had been given magicians choice, which came about here, is why last night’s dreams don’t have me on the floor. It still hurts, but it is a different hurt? Does that even make sense?

    Congrats on being in the positive, Mellow Monkey. And hugs re. house and family. Family can be such a mixed bag.

  104. 104
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Fuck Mellow Monkey, I’m really sorry to hear that.

    I should feel hopeful because I’m making progress and things really are getting better.

    There ain’t no “should” when it comes to depression, that’s what it does, making it impossible to believe in the positive.

    Hang in there and please help yourself to whatever you need from this pile of hugs, chocolate, booze and puppies.

  105. 105
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Ogvorbis:

    For me, the realization that I had been given magicians choice, which came about here, is why last night’s dreams don’t have me on the floor. It still hurts, but it is a different hurt? Does that even make sense?

    That does make sense. A lot. I knew cold reading techniques and the various little verbal tricks of magic, but hadn’t looked at the magician’s choice like that until you just said that. Holy shit. That’s an epiphany.

  106. 106
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Caine:
    I see your point.
    ****
    Pteryxx:
    My apologies.

  107. 107
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    That’s an epiphany.

    It was.

    I think many victims need to learn just what it is.

  108. 108
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Sorry. My phrasing was really, really bad.

    I think that knowing what a magician’s choice actually is might be helpful for some victims. The idea that, even when given a choice, there is no actual choice made a huge difference in how I viewed my culpability (or (more properly) my lack thereof).

  109. 109
    birgerjohansson

    Umeå: “New technology shows diabetes” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-technology-diabetes.html
    Pretty cool, considering it is a small university in a small town.
    And our local metal band Meshuggah won a music award this Saturday.
    — — — — —
    If you are going to view “The Killer Condom” at “Mock the movie” you might be disappointed- it may be too good! It is a bit like “The Producers” where they search for a really bad play, and one of them finds Kafka’s “metamorphosis”.

  110. 110
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    A friend of mine is in DC for the inauguration.

    We just found his wallet, with his DL and fed ID on his desk.

    Could get interesting.

  111. 111
    birgerjohansson

    A “hidden” genetic code: Researchers identify key differences in seemingly synonymous parts of the structure http://phys.org/news/2013-01-hidden-genetic-code-key-differences.html
    — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
    “Deodorants: Do we really need them?” http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-deodorants.html -Not if you have the right gene. A good argument for compulsory genetic modification!

  112. 112
    birgerjohansson

    A seriously evil feline?
    “Hitler the Cat, Star of the 1939 World’s Fair” http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_vault/2013/01/17/hitler_the_cat_star_of_the_1939_world_s_fair.html

  113. 113
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Home, sweet home.
    When I came to collect #1 at kindergarten there was a notice out “Attention, several cases yof belly bug”. Yeah, I kind of found out…
    (Not their fault, of course, that stuff spreads quickly and apparently before the first kid ever puked.)

    Ogvorbis
    *hugs*
    You know, one of the worst realizations I ever had was that being un-raped was not my personal achievement, that it had nothing to do with anything I ever did or didn’t do.
    It was horrible because it meant that there was no way to keep mef safe, no way to keep the girls safe.
    And it’s the same the other way round.

    The Mellow Monkey
    Argh shit, I’m sorry.
    I guess I’m still walking on the brink of depression and fortunately able to keep me on the safe side so far.

  114. 114
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Something I think some people here might enjoy: Guest Post from a genderqueer author and their romantic publishing house, Storm Moon Press.

    The post itself is very 101 to get the word out and explain but I figured finding such a publisher would be a great new link.

  115. 115
    Pteryxx

    Mellow Monkey, *anklehugs* and sympathies at whatever height is appropriate. Shared accounts *shudder* evil evil things. (yes, personal experience.)

    Ogvorbis: best wishes for spending less and less time on that mental treadmill, and thanks for talking about it, more clearly than I could right now. You’re not the only one, there’s nothing special or unique about being victimised, and I’m not the only one either. (The first reaction I had was to blame myself for contributing to your nightmares by talking about rape research in the other thread… ah irony!)

  116. 116
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    A Tardis cake with a Weeping Angel.

    Do not take your eyes off of the cake. Do not even blink.

  117. 117
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    A Tardis cake with a Weeping Angel.

    I would feel so bad about cutting that cake.

  118. 118
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    *HUGS* for Ogvorbis, Mellow Monkey, and others who may need them.

  119. 119
    Lynna, OM

    Here’s a Moment of Mormon Madness that is especially poignant on Inauguration Day. Our newly sworn in President noted that our journey is not done when it comes to equal rights and equal pay for women, but mormon leaders apparently think the journey is done, settled, absolutely settled.

    Young women you will be the ones who will provide the example of virtuous womanhood and motherhood. You will continue to be virtuous lovely praiseworthy and of good report. You will also be the ones to provide an example of family life in a time when families are under attack, being redefined and disintegrating. You will understand your roles and your responsibilities and thus will see no need to lobby for rights. –Elaine S. Dalton, YW General President, January 15, 2013.

    Yes, she actually said that, amidst a lot of other blather. You can hear her “no need to lobby for rights” statement at about the 32:28 mark in this video:
    http://byutv.org/watch/de1638f4-c3d1-48ec-8999-cc8face48ab7/byu-devotional-address-elaine-s-dalton-11513

    I wonder if she was also taking a swipe at feminist mormon housewives who have been known to lobby for more women’s rights within the patriarchal superstructure of the LDS church.

  120. 120
  121. 121
    chigau (違う)

    Giliell #120
    Your link doesn’t.

  122. 122
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    So, again, my tribute to borklink

  123. 123
    Parrowing

    *hugs* for Parrowing.

    Thank you, cicely.

    *

    Thank you, Hekuni Cat.

    *

    Tony, here are some hugs if you want them.

    And thank you for what you said to the couple :) I’m especially grateful because I saw my cousin on Facebook a moment later ranting about “fat b******” who come to her workplace, Panera.

    *

    Ogvorbis, count me as another who appreciates what you share around here. And your realization re: magician’s choice helped me as well. I have to repeat certain things to myself sometimes and that one is going into rotation.

    *

    I was approved as a permanent resident of Sweden today! Only one more year until dual citizenship! (At least, only one more year until I can apply for dual citizenship. I can only hope I’ll receive it in time for the next Swedish election.)

  124. 124
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    So you’ll be a Swede. But you weren’t born one, you had to be made one.

    Would that make you an “artificial Swedener?” ^.^

  125. 125
    Parrowing

    So you’ll be a Swede. But you weren’t born one, you had to be made one.

    Would that make you an “artificial Swedener?” ^.^

    I tried, but I have to accept that I’m just no good at this and can’t at the moment come up with something punny to say back. Except for this: You might as well call me Swede & Low….. sorry.

  126. 126
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Thanks for the encouragement re: the depression. It hasn’t really gotten any better so far today, but I’m still muddling through and haven’t done anything destructive or unhealthy (beyond, perhaps, eating a lot of roasted cabbage), so I’ll call that a win.

    Congratulations, Parrowing!

    JAL:

    Something I think some people here might enjoy: Guest Post from a genderqueer author and their romantic publishing house, Storm Moon Press.

    This is awesome. They don’t have a very big catalog yet, but it’s a nice little publishing house from the looks of it.

  127. 127
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    best wishes for spending less and less time on that mental treadmill, and thanks for talking about it, more clearly than I could right now. You’re not the only one, there’s nothing special or unique about being victimised, and I’m not the only one either. (The first reaction I had was to blame myself for contributing to your nightmares by talking about rape research in the other thread… ah irony!)

    Thanks, Pterryx. Mental treadmill is a pretty good description.

    Sometimes I am very aware when I have been triggered. Other times, I have no idea where the hook comes from that sets off whatever the bullshit du jour happens to be.

    And your realization re: magician’s choice helped me as well.

    Good to hear.

  128. 128
    Jadehawk

    I was approved as a permanent resident of Sweden today!

    communist!

  129. 129
  130. 130
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Shhh, we’re never ever going to call that rape

    “Had sex with.” I…just… So much fucking hate.

  131. 131
    Jadehawk

    I’m going to have to pay more attention to articles about crimes in general. I want to know if “alleged victims” is common. “alleged criminal” of course is, but “alleged victim” strikes me as new. Might be wrong though.

    Also, that “had sex with” denialist absurdity is in almost every paragraph. what the fucking fuck?

  132. 132
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Jadehawk
    No, I think that’s only something that happens in rape cases. Because lying 14 yo bitches

  133. 133
    carlie

    This post needs everyone to read it, especially after the last few days.

  134. 134
    cicely

    Tony: *hugs*
    -
    Hi, Amblebury!
    -
    Ah! Thanks, Rotato I knew there was a recently-mentioned solution to the no-such-group-available-in-nearby-meatspace problem; I just couldn’t for the life of me force my brainz to barf it up.
    -
    pensnest, all I can say is Awesom-nom-nom-nom-nom!
    -
    *hugs&kittens* for Ogvorbis. Remember, though, that the flip-side of his chosing out only a few of the scouts (leaving to the side of the plate, for now, the question of “Why me?“) is that he therefore abused fewer scouts than you may have feared; fewer people having to struggle with the things you’ve been having to struggle with. That, yes, the damage this person did was horrendous, but less extensive than you thought/assumed.
     
    And he may have simply picked the ones that were for his purposes “convenient”; nothing to do at all with any attributes of any of his victims.
     
    And also, everything Caine said @99. Which if you think about it, extends beyond the individual to the cultural, in the sense of “If (insert out-group) are at a cultural disadvantage, then it must be because they have done something to deserve it!” (and I’m specifically thinking of the whole historic Jews/”Christ-killers” thing, and the “Prosperity Gospel”).
    -

    *a vastness of hugs* for The Mellow Monkey.
     
    I’m trying to think of a suitable epithet for your asshole sister.
    -

  135. 135
    Nepenthe

    @Gilliel

    Journalists should be required to write “he raped her” 1000 times on a blackboard before being allowed on the crime beat.


    Told relative about being raped, sort of. Never managed to spit out the “r-word”–what words were coming out weren’t even in the right order–but I’m fairly certain the point got across. They were, good. They said “I’m sorry. That sucks. I figured that something like that had happened.” They’re sending me parts of the project to look over and critique. Even friend is being decent and called to see how the telling went.

    So, all that catastrophizing for naught. Well, except finding out that vanilla soy milk really isn’t very good in White Russians. The soy taste fights too much with the Kahlua.

  136. 136
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Seconding the rage over “alleged victim”.

    It’s just more victim-blaming and slut-shaming and “she was asking for it” all wrapped up in a lovely sheet of “but he’s innocent until proven guilty”.

    Fuck. That. Noise.

  137. 137
    carlie

    Interesting how women are “allegedly raped” but nobody is ever “allegedly murdered” or “allegedly robbed”.

  138. 138
    Inaji

    Jadehawk:

    I want to know if “alleged victims” is common.

    It’s standard. Law enforcement uses it and so do attorneys.

  139. 139
    Jadehawk

    “allegedly murdered” makes little sense, but I googled for home invasion news stories. So far haven’t found one that uses “alleged” or variants thereof to describe the crime or the victim; only used for the suspects.

    theft also seems to come only with alleged thieves, not alleged victims

    hm.

  140. 140
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Like I said. “Alleged victim” == “She claims it was rape, but we don’t believe her”.

  141. 141
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Interesting how women are “allegedly raped” but nobody is ever “allegedly murdered” or “allegedly robbed”.

    Especially since alleged robberies actually are not uncommon. People falsely claim robbery for all sorts of reasons:Insurance fraud, broke/lost something while engaged in an activity that they want to conceal, etc. etc. OTOH, as has been pointed out repeatedly around here, false rape allegations are extremely rare. So, really, there’s actually good reason to use the term ‘alleged robbery,’ statistically speaking. unlike ‘alleged rape’, that is.

  142. 142
    Aido Hwedo, the Rainbow Serpent

    Would anyone mind giving a noob a basic overview of what happened with Stef McGraw? When I Google it, all I get is MRA bullshit.

  143. 143
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    ouroboros:

    Ummmm… Stef McGraw? As I recall, she made a comment that Watson disagreed with, Rebecca Watson called her out by name at a conference from the podium, and Stef McGraw posted a blog entry saying that it would have been cooler if Watson had come to her privately to talk about it. And then as far as I or anyone else I’ve talked to knows, that was the end of that. I’m not sure how or why the MRAs and ‘pitters have turned it into the crime of the century or whatever. Sort of don’t care either, because they are a bunch of lying shit-weasels.

  144. 144
    Nutmeg

    Here is a *GIANT PILE OF HUGS*, free for the taking. Help yourself if you are in need.

    ***

    I hate the kind of scholarship application where you have to write a letter telling them all about what a wonderful person you are. It makes me feel slimy. I don’t mind writing about how awesome my science is, but I’d rather not bring me-as-a-person into it.

  145. 145
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    I tried to make homemade chocolate sauce. I somehow managed to burn it hilariously. I still don’t quite understand how I did that.

    Now I have some intriguing, weird little gritty lumps in a watery sauce.

    Maybe…maybe I’ll stick to Jell-O tonight.

  146. 146
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Also, hugs and chocolate and booze all around. This year is already kicking our asses pretty bad, isn’t it?

  147. 147
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    I tried to make homemade chocolate sauce. I somehow managed to burn it hilariously.

    Mail it to your sister. Sealed, and not refrigerated.

  148. 148
    katenrala

    Oh in one of those youtube videos a commentator blamed me for my cancer when I shot down Dr. Valentine’s claims for treatment.

    think you’re bitter with misinformation. what is sodium-bicarbonate naturally? my ex HAS cancer so whatever your comments are i def understand. youre killing your body…then taking more chems to fight the Dis-ease you created and from there you’re really fight a lost cause. NATURAL ALKALINE…from “electric foods”. name ONE pathogen or Illness that can survive in an alkaline enviro? just change! its your life and your body…just dont tell someone their LYING because you dont know! SMH

    I’ve had family and others in real life blame me for my cancer too. It’s so enraging.

    I have giant cell osteosarcoma, completely spontaneous and you get it because your bones are growing. The chance to get it peaks at age 25 and I got it at age 26. It typically kills within a year and I’ve been fighting it for 3 years, 8 months. It’s a very, very rare cancer.

    There are few things that hurt me more emotionally than being blamed for being extremely unlucky in the fatal way. I’ve been through things so hard and been witness to so much awfulness when on a cancer ward for 2 years that I’ve learned to hate healthy people. They take so much for granted, think themselves so perfect, and then shove your face in you misery by whining about how “hard” they’ve had it in life when you tell them they don’t know how hard battling cancer is and then they cry about how mean you are, get constantly on your ass about medical “treatments” and “cures” they’ve heard on TV and fight with you when you tell them it won’t work, and they hyperanalyze everything you do with incomplete information because they’re ignorant, even ignorant of basic facts about the world, then say it’s all your fault for being sick when you’ve fought harder for life than they ever have and probably ever will. Oh, then they tell you they “care” about you after ripping you to pieces.

    I’ve been told that if I just think happy thoughts I’ll get better. Told that I’m sick because I’m bitter (by my Aunt, a person who abused me for 10 months) Told that I have a warped perspective by my cousin, and when challenged if her perspective is ever wrong tells me that she’s human and therefore allowed to make mistakes. (This was likely a dig at me being autistic, we’re not human to many, many bigots) My Aunt says my perspective is warped too and when challenged she just says she knows the truth all the time (she’s a born again Christian) My Mother has told me she doesn’t trust my mindset even though she also says at the same time she trusts me; wtf does that mean? My Father abuses me as a proxy for abusing my Mother. My Sister is just always angry at me and has been for 15 years because I’m not the kind of brother she wanted, she wishes I was like one of my male cousins, resentment drips from her whenever we are in proximity and she tells me I just need to grow up and get over my depression, PTSD, and cancer. I constantly have to warn people not to take a conversation in certain directions because it triggers my PTSD but when those warnings aren’t heeded and I get triggered and get angry at the person triggering me, they never apologize, just dig in and get meaner ‘cuz I’m not being nice enough. Oh, did you all know telling a person to “shut up” is “unethical” (actual word used) and far worse than they triggering you after being told not to go there.

    I have guns. I have pills. I was this close to ending it last month after another round of abuse and now I kinda look forward to dying so I don’t have to deal with shit anymore.

    I wish I were healthy again and I was happy for a few months when the doctors all thought my cancer was beaten after my amputation and 8 months of just-in-case-chemo and was clean in my scans for 9 months afterwards. I went back to school and planned to get my MFA and then my cancer popped back up in my lungs this time. Like my rape that’s a hurt I can’t get over either and reading that effing youtube comment brought it all back.

  149. 149
    Inaji

    Would anyone mind giving a noob a basic overview of what happened with Stef McGraw? When I Google it, all I get is MRA bullshit.

    Gee, how about searching Skepchick, you know, where Rebecca blogs?

  150. 150
    chigau (違う)

    katenrala
    *hugs*
    I don’t like your family.

  151. 151
    Inaji

    name ONE pathogen or Illness that can survive in an alkaline enviro? just change! its your life and your body

    Well, if no pathogen or “illness” can survive an alkaline environment, that wouldn’t bode well for the ill person to keep on breathing, now would it? :eyeroll:

    Katenrala, I am so very sorry. I’ve only had a tiny taste of all the shit you’ve gone through. (While waiting to have breast surgery, an “open it up, clean it out and do a deep biopsy”, there was an older lady in the pre-op room who asked what I was going under for, yada yada yada, then started in with god this, god that. When I laughed and responsed with something about faeries, she got seriously pissy and told me god would curse my [right] breast for my disbelief and heresy. So charming.)

    I can’t imagine all the horrors you’ve had to face and deal with, simply because people can be such evil, non-thinking shits.

    Much love to you. ♥

  152. 152
    athyco

    Nutmeg @144:

    Hugs! Thank you bunches; I’ve taken one of the “behind you in the chair, forearms squeezing across collarbones” hugs because I like the warm breath on the side of my neck that goes with it.

    I hate the kind of scholarship application where you have to write a letter telling them all about what a wonderful person you are. It makes me feel slimy.

    Agreed. I’m too old for such scholarship applications, and I am quite satisfied. A co-worker once asked me to write an introduction to be read about her when she agreed to judge some contest. It was a combination of achievement and “wonderful person,” but the second category froze her from even writing the first.

  153. 153
    Aido Hwedo, the Rainbow Serpent

    @ Caine #149

    I apologize for my extreme foolishness. I have now read the Skepchick post addressing the incident and am up to speed.

  154. 154
    athyco

    Dear katenrala:

    I’m so sorry. What kind of hug can I pick out for you from Nutmeg’s pile?

  155. 155
    carlie

    katenrala – they are liars. Rotten, stinking liars, and you don’t owe them anything, and you don’t have to listen to them. I’m sorry and they’re awful and you’re not.

  156. 156
    Inaji

    Ouroboros:

    I have now read the Skepchick post addressing the incident and am up to speed.

    Good for you. I hope you found out what you wanted to know.

  157. 157
    Nepenthe

    katenrala

    :-(

    You can have the rat kisses that I received earlier today; I do not need them as much. *peels them off, hands them over*

  158. 158
    Inaji

    It would seem Mister’s ass has de-spookifying powers. I put my glider rocker chair in my studio annex about a week ago, and the rats have gone out of their way to avoid it. Very spooky for some reason. Mister just wandered through on his way to get a beer and Amelia went running to him, so he picked her up and sat in the chair for a minute or two.

    Now that he sat in the chair, Amelia’s been jumping up on it, jumping down, jumping back up, and now she’s teaching Vasco & Neville how to get up there. Magic ass.

  159. 159
    katenrala

    @ chigau (無味ない)

    Thank you. *hugs*

    Both sides of my family have been messed up by both sets of grandparents. I think my autism allowed me to avoid what has made the rest of my family so dysfunctional.

    @ Caine, Fleur du mal +

    Thank you. *hugs* you’ve been very supporting for me.

    Well, if no pathogen or “illness” can survive an alkaline environment, that wouldn’t bode well for the ill person to keep on breathing, now would it? :eyeroll:

    It stems from the whole cancer is yeast thing to these people, I explained in order to be alkaline, which I’ve been, you need to have an alkaline substance given to you intravenously. The “what is sodium-bicarbonate naturally?” makes me so sad for these people, sodium-bicarb is sodium-bicarb, unfortunately people have tried this treatment at home with substances they drink which won’t make them alkaline as the gut won’t absorb that much alkaline solution and killed themselves with out of control cancer because to them chemo is bad ‘cuz you know, chemicals. And having a change in your body’s ph more than they allow you to get in a hospital will kill you. These people just don’t get it.

    Katenrala, I am so very sorry. I’ve only had a tiny taste of all the shit you’ve gone through. (While waiting to have breast surgery, an “open it up, clean it out and do a deep biopsy”, there was an older lady in the pre-op room who asked what I was going under for, yada yada yada, then started in with god this, god that. When I laughed and responsed with something about faeries, she got seriously pissy and told me god would curse my [right] breast for my disbelief and heresy. So charming.)

    I hope your biopsies are always clean and harmless. :) Goddists suck so much, I’ve been told, harshly, that I need god and goddists always get so mean when you tell them you’ve considered god and rejected it because there is no evidence convincing to yourself.

    I can’t imagine all the horrors you’ve had to face and deal with, simply because people can be such evil, non-thinking shits.

    I used to give a lot of credit to people and thought that they were like me and could be as cognitive as me, but now I know that I actually think better than most and it’s always been pointed out to me by others (especially by the nurses at the hospitals I’ve been to) ever since I learned to think critically. I’ve tried with people, especially my family to nudge them towards critical thought but they resist so hard and try to drag me down to their level. I know this reads smugly or worse, but I think most people don’t want the responsibility to be an active thinker and just use old, well treaded paths in their heads than challenge themselves and scout for new paths
    *****
    I’ve outlined an essay about being attacked for being asexual by those I think should know better, feminists and gay and lesbian people. Does anyone think it’d be worth finishing and sharing in a lounge or would that be too divisive?

  160. 160
    Pteryxx

    *offers fluffy anklehugs to katenrala* I’m glad you’re here. (And sorry people are such shits.)

    favorite kinds of hugs, anyone? I think I favor laying on the floor in a pile of blankets while watching a movie. Whoever’s cold gets to be underneath.

  161. 161
    Pteryxx

    oh, except for sweaty team ‘yay we won a playoff game!’ hugs, but those are rare and hard to come by. <_<

  162. 162
    katenrala

    @ Everyone

    Thank you for being so supportive and caring. You’ve all kept me happy and going.

    Who says pharyngularians are mean? :p

  163. 163
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Pteryxx

    *Starts a furpile*

  164. 164
    athyco

    Your fave hugs are great, Pteryxx! I’ve already put in my from-behind-the-chair hug as my favorite “everyday” hug. My favorite rare hug is from the students I’ve not seen in a decade or more who then know (and they’re right) that I want to hear the wonderful things that have happened to them since the 8th grade.

  165. 165
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    I don’t know where to start, katenrala, but I’m so sorry you have to put up with that sort of hateful idiocy on top of everything else. People want to believe in a just world where they can control everything and that there’s something tangible that separates them from illness and tragedy other than sheer luck. They are wrong and can cause so much pain by acting that way.

    I’ve outlined an essay about being attacked for being asexual by those I think should know better, feminists and gay and lesbian people. Does anyone think it’d be worth finishing and sharing in a lounge or would that be too divisive?

    I wouldn’t see that as divisive, but very valuable education. I’m afraid asexuality is a topic I’m not well-educated on and I always want to fight my own ignorance, especially when that ignorance runs the risk of hurting someone.

    Re: favorite hugs. My favorites would be those that involve lots of squishy, happy cuddling and hair nuzzling. Sleepy babies are especially good for this. When I’m alone, I subject my cat to this. The dog is terrible at hugs. My partner is the best, particularly when he lets his hair grow out a little into floofy, floofy joy.

  166. 166
    Inaji

    Katenrala:

    I know this reads smugly or worse, but I think most people don’t want the responsibility to be an active thinker and just use old, well treaded paths in their heads than challenge themselves and scout for new paths

    It doesn’t read as smug. It reads as true, unfortunately. Look at all the fuckwits at the slymepit – that’s exactly what they’re doing.

    I’ve outlined an essay about being attacked for being asexual by those I think should know better, feminists and gay and lesbian people. Does anyone think it’d be worth finishing and sharing in a lounge or would that be too divisive?

    Hells yes, it’s worth finishing and I’d love it if you shared. I’d like to read it. If you’re worried about it not being lounge material, post it in Thunderdome and provide a link in the lounge.

  167. 167
    Inaji

    Athyco:

    Your fave hugs are great, Pteryxx! I’ve already put in my from-behind-the-chair hug as my favorite “everyday” hug.

    :shudders: If someone does that to me, it results in a scream which would deafen and a weaponed attack.

    I’m not much of a hugger.

  168. 168
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Katenrala
    *hugs*. Your family sucks, and your situation sucks too. You have all my sympathies tehre, and I wish there was something more I could offer.

    It stems from the whole cancer is yeast thing to these people,

    WTF? If you’ve mentioned this particular bizarre delusion before I must have missed it. Cancer is a yeast?!!? What the fuck are these people on about?

    I’ve outlined an essay about being attacked for being asexual by those I think should know better, feminists and gay and lesbian people. Does anyone think it’d be worth finishing and sharing in a lounge or would that be too divisive?

    Don’t see why it would be. It should only anger people who are already bigoted against asexuals, and angering bigots is considered great sport ’round these parts. OTOH, i know there are some other asexual types here, and I bet they’d sympathize and probably had similar experiences, while I’m sure the rest of us will find it informative.

  169. 169
    Pteryxx

    yeah, I have to know the hug is coming, whatever kind it is.

  170. 170
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    I have to initiate the hug too… if someone tries to hug me from behind, I have a weird spasm-like sensation and almost fall down and jump 10 feet in the air at the same time, if you can imagine that.

  171. 171
    chigau (違う)

    A surprise hug from behind is assault.

  172. 172
    athyco

    Absolutely have to know the hug is coming!

  173. 173
    ednaz

    Hey Joe, what did you make for dinner tonight?

  174. 174
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    I’m now down to one cigarette a day. Give me a couple more months, and I might just quit for good this time!

  175. 175
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    katenrala – *many hugs and lots of love* I’m glad you’re here. I also don’t like your family. And I would love to read your essay.

    Caine:

    Now that he sat in the chair, Amelia’s been jumping up on it, jumping down, jumping back up, and now she’s teaching Vasco & Neville how to get up there. Magic ass.

    ♥ Wish I could have seen it.

  176. 176
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    ednaz

    Dinner was… orange-glazed salmon, stir-fry veggies in peanut sauce, steamed jasmine rice. Yum and yum and yum. :) How’s about you?

  177. 177
    ednaz

    Dang, Joe, I’m gonna ask earlier next time. So you can send some through the USB. : ) Nom nom nom.
    -

    We had sweet and sour chicken. It was go-od.
    -

    I have been a human shredding machine the last two days. I think my arms will fall off. It takes longer to organize than it does to just pitch stuff, but it’s worth it. The place is looking a lot different.
    -

    I’m all out of order. We brought the weight machine down, then we had to move things, then we ended up changing all kinds of things around.
    -

    Now I’m tired, but it’s a good tired ’cause we got so much done.

  178. 178
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    So I have a friend I think I may be attracted to. I have no reason to believe he would be interested, but it’s getting a little distracting. Suggestions? x.x

  179. 179
    ednaz

    Hi Azkyroth!
    First – Yay!
    -
    Second -

    I have no reason to believe he would be interested

    Why do you say this?

  180. 180
    athyco

    Oh, wow, Azkyroth. I’ve asked for suggestions before. Nothing ever sounded “right,” but it turned out that if I thought on it a bit and switched these actions and rephrased those words, I came up with something that worked in the end.

    Or as my dad used to say about advice, “It’s not your recipe, but it may taste okay once you pee in it.”

    Last time I threw out a hint, I waited until we’d had a good laugh together and said, “If we do that a few more times, I’ll be crushing on you.” A couple of days later, he brought up another person he was interested in. We still have good laughs together, and the “crushing on you” has become part of some jokes.

  181. 181
    bluentx

    threadrupt:
    Just my luck! I decide to delurk again and The Lounge goes quiet..*sniffle,sniffle*

  182. 182
    ednaz

    What are you up to, blue? : )

  183. 183
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)
    I have no reason to believe he would be interested

    Why do you say this?

    Because:
    1) all the relationships and crushes I’m aware of him having have been with or on women,
    2) he’s never given any indication of being bisexual or closeted,
    3) he doesn’t seem hostile to nonstraight people but has made some pretty blockheaded straight-privilegy remarks before
    Whereas, while I have a weird complicated relationship with gender concepts I’m pretty emphatically male-bodied, and more or less present male.

    I’m not really sure about my feelings, either, so I don’t think I want to make any moves. Mmmph. (I’m not sure how much it’s “romantic-sexual attraction” vs. “closeness and my brain poorly delineating relationship categories”, vs “loneliness and missing closeness and affection” among other things. x.x)

    Fuuuck. >.>

  184. 184
    billingtondev

    Delurking..
    …and just wondering… is it ok to participate here if I’m not participating much anywhere else on FTB?

  185. 185
    Cerberus is working overtime at the outrage factory

    A bunch of thoughts:

    I’d like to stop feeling shaky all the time now, please… :(

    Date was good and a good distraction, though there was a moment where her best friend put up a 2-minute long rape “joke” video that made me want to punch him.

    Azkyroth-

    Sympathy hugs. Awkward situations can be awkward. Advice I can give are as follows:

    1) Be yourself. If something happens, good. If something doesn’t happen, it’s not the end of the world. But don’t start over-engineering or over-complicating things “trying to make something work” or “feel less awkward” or what not. Plus, it’s nice if you do get into a relationship that you don’t find he liked the fictional you you tried to show first rather than your real self.

    2) Don’t force it. Even if he is bisexual, the fact that he’s not been very open about it means that he’s likely either going to be closeted or virginal on the whole concept and that always means a lot of hand-holding and back-sliding on even the best of trajectories.

    3) Remember that friendships are not a glass vase. You will not shatter them by acknowledging attraction and asking about it as long as you don’t make it a whole weird dance where you’re trying to hide stuff. A simple, “hey, are you into that possibility, no okay, let’s just roll instead”, can do a lot of good where a bunch of “I’ll hide it and pretend he can’t tell” or awkward dances would not.

    4) Trust yourself. Pay attention to what you want and what you feel comfortable with. Perhaps think of revealing a little bit of it. If they are a good mate, then the worst they will do is join in a laugh about it and let you down hard. And it’s good to know those things and leave them in the open rather than letting them develop into awkward things you both find difficult to talk about.

    5) Good luck and remember we and your meat-space friends are always a shoulder to lean on if things blow up.

  186. 186
    Cerberus is working overtime at the outrage factory

    Oh VERY IMPORTANT ADDENDUM to my last post:

    I am an asexual who has been in 3 total relationships in my life, so please Bob take my advice with that massive mound of salt.

  187. 187
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Who is my Robin Hobb fan buddy here? I’m SO excited I can’t remember. I’m thinking Pteryxx? Azkyroth?

    We’ve talked about loving her Farseer Trilogy and her Tawny Man series. There’s the subsequent series Rain Wilds series set in the same world but different people. Well, the 4th and final book of that series is coming out in March.

    Guess what?!?

    I’m getting a copy NOW! Before it comes out! For FREE!

    *happy dance*
    I’ll have Robin Hobb on my shelf! I’ll get to finish the series!
    *squeeeeeeeeeee*

  188. 188
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Aaaaaaaaand now I feel like a jerk for not reading the thread first.
    Crap.

    I’m sorry everyone’s have such a rotten and shitty go of it. =(

    *adds to the pile of hugs with extra chocolate and booze*

    (And I agree hugs should be seen coming. Hug me from behind and I’ll be freaked and triggered. My Roomie learned that the hard way.)

  189. 189
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Must be Pteryxx. I find it hard to describe myself as “a fan” of things. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but there’s something about fan culture very broadly that doesn’t mesh with the way I think. O.o

  190. 190
    bluentx

    ednaz:
    Thanks for responding. Seems to be a lapse between timezones/hemispheres. About the time I can comment everyone else is asleep or otherwise engaged– story of my life : )

    billingtondev:
    This is The Lounge : come on in !!!

  191. 191
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Must be Pteryxx.

    Ah! Thanks. I feel bad for not remembering when we had an awesome conversation about Robin Hobb’s books on our “This Is Me” shelf.

    My memory sucks so much. I forget stuff I want to remember and remember shit I want to forget (usually painful or pointless stuff to boot).

  192. 192
    bluentx

    JAL:
    Currently threadrupt (will catch up when possible).
    When I was last up to date (Christmas?) as a long time lurker I noticed virtually every Hoard member (and my lurking self) was wondering how you were. So–glad to see you back!

  193. 193
    ednaz

    Azkyroth, I wrote a reply to you and then saw what Cerberus had written. (much better!)
    -

    I wanted to tell you I was once attracted to a friend. I could not imagine him being attracted to me. So it actually made it easier for me to be around him. And I was so surprised when he told me he was attracted to me, too.

    tl;dr – I would not rule anything out. : )

  194. 194
    John Morales

    JAL, thought about getting a Gravatar icon?

    (You’re a pink pattern right now)

    PS Nothing bad about injecting a bit of joy here, especially inadvertently! :)

  195. 195
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    So–glad to see you back!

    Thank you. I came back after Christmas/early January after a bad depressive spell knocked me down. But I’m feeling so much better. Today I get to go to the dentist finally! =)

    (I forgot Monday was a holiday. Little One woke me up concerned about going to school. Roomie caught us before we got out the door at least.)

  196. 196
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    JAL, I left a comment for you at that contentious thread.

  197. 197
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Yeah, I need to work on the Gravatar. I signed up and meant to but I have forgotten about it when I suppose to be thinking of something to use. The only pictures I notice are the pictures, not the Gravatar random patterns – it might as well be a blank space.

  198. 198
    ednaz

    bluentx – I have the same trouble with time zones and wanting to comment but by the time I’m caught up the situation has been resolved and/or discussed thoroughly. : )
    -

    I’ll be turning in soon. Here’s hoping I’ll have better luck talking to you tomorrow.

  199. 199
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Replied, Janine.

    (I swear I can’t spell anyone’s name right. Without Copy/paste I’d be slower than I already am.)

  200. 200
    billingtondev

    @bluentx

    Ok. Thanks :-)
    Timezones suck. It takes maths to work them out.
    I don’t do maths.

  201. 201
    John Morales

    JAL,

    The only pictures I notice are the pictures, not the Gravatar random patterns – it might as well be a blank space.

    Or… <dum dum duuuuum> Invisible Pink Pixels? ;)

    (You should know your comment over there inspired mine here to you)

  202. 202
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    LOL, John!

    Ahhhhh, that’s an interesting though then. I’m have to dig one up for me then.

  203. 203
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Hi there
    Not a nice day so far.
    I must have stopped the alarmclock while asleep because I woke up late with it in my hand.
    The little one freaked out over underwear not matching.
    The Autobahn was blocked.

    Let’s hope it gets better.

    katenrala
    I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
    Wooists who harass seriously ill people are scum and there’s no excuse for their behaviour.

    hugs
    Open your arms wide, let me react, close arms around me, hold tight, maybe sway a bit from left to right, squee if you want to.

  204. 204
    ednaz

    billingtondev – Hello and Welcome to the Lounge!
    -

    I’m turning in but others are here and another group will be joining you soon.

  205. 205
    ednaz

    Hooray for JAL going to the dentist!! : D : D : D

    Good night All. <3

  206. 206
    Parrowing

    katenrala: That’s horrible how you’ve been treated by your family. You definitely don’t deserve that at all and good on you for attempting to correct their seemingly willful misconceptions, even if they didn’t change their minds.

    *

    hugs
    Open your arms wide, let me react, close arms around me, hold tight, maybe sway a bit from left to right, squee if you want to.

    I think Giliell perfectly described what seems like the best kind of hug to me.

  207. 207
    billingtondev

    Thanks for the welcomes.

    Katenrala: I’m new here – so hugs probly not appropriate.
    But I’m thnking that talking (well typing) is GOOD.
    Keep talking – seems like there’s lots of good listeners here.

  208. 208
    Pteryxx

    JAL – yay for going to the dentist!

    Robin Hobb stuff was probably me… I spaced on it (bad few months, sorry) but there’s an out-of-place Hobb book on my shelf that I must’ve moved to remind me of something or other. I’m actually briefly not-broke; remind me, I was going to get you one of the sets, right? (Um, which ones don’t you have again?)

  209. 209
    Pteryxx

    and squiller’s a vile, trolling… *ahem* badly tuned set of windchimes. Looks to me like xe’s just here for rapid-fire gaslighting practice. Not touching that, but y’all have some great responses.

  210. 210
    bluentx

    billingtondev, et.al.:

    Maths (TM): is that (TM) for Trade Mark or for Tim Minchin ?*

    I vote for the latter.

  211. 211
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    I’m actually briefly not-broke; remind me, I was going to get you one of the sets, right? (Um, which ones don’t you have again?)

    Yeah, you said you had an extra set I thought. I don’t have any of them so I’ll take what I can get, if you can. =)

  212. 212
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    *drops a pile of hugs in passing*

    And welcome new people!

  213. 213
    Pteryxx

    JAL: if I recall right I’ve got some extra *individual* ones but I’ll use money to fill in the gaps.

  214. 214
    Pteryxx

    er… hope you don’t mind if none of them match? <_<

  215. 215
    bluentx

    Note to THE Overlord;
    You obviously are not as great as some claim you to be . Sheesh! Vulnerable glassie-eyed night shift workers, feriners in different time zones… you could be indoctrinating minions all over the world, 24hours a day and YOU SLEEP ?! Some dictator you are! I demand more repression, more…. overlordiness…cum ahn!!!

  216. 216
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    er… hope you don’t mind if none of them match? <_<

    Pfffft. Of course not. It’s all about the words in between for me.

  217. 217
    John Morales

    [OT]

    bluentx, look at the timestamp of PZ’s latest post.

    :)

  218. 218
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    My own furniture doesn’t match. My furniture isn’t even furniture, my shelves are milk crates. Not a lid that fits my Tupperware and not a pair of matching socks for anyone in this house.

    If not matching is a style, I’ve got it in spades. XD

  219. 219
    bluentx

    John Morales;
    Are you saying The Prophet anticipated what I was typing before I hit ‘Submit Comment’ 1? Awesome! Truly he is …. uh… uh… No, sorry PZ not even for you can I go there.
    I’m obvioulsy a tool of Satan or… something… I’m confused….

  220. 220
    bluentx

    JAL:
    So… you and I are victims of the Vulcan mind meld? You: milk crates. Me; cinderblocks and 2×6′s (still). Martha Stewart would … I don’t know… demote us to the sub-sub bargin basement?

  221. 221
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Threadrupt. Hugz and Hoorays for thems that needs ‘em.* An empty gesture I know, but a sincere empty gesture none the less.

    In the hooray category:

    We have some progress on the house, sort of.

    You’ll notice a small box on the slab in that previous pic and peeking out of the corner, trusses and walls!**

    Of course those are going to sit there for a couple of weeks before they get erected, gotta let things properly age after all. /snark

    And in the (not)hooray category:

    Mrs. Fishy has this worst case worry that we get the damn thing finally built and the next day a bushfire comes through. Truth is, this building will probably withstand a fire so long as it isn’t crazy severe.

    My worry is that the fire comes through while all that stuff is laying around or just after it’s been put up. And unfortunately there’s some going fires not so far away as to make that impossible. Even more concerning there’s some lightning forecast for Friday and Saturday. I’m not sure what the trick is to become sanguine enough about this stuff so as to be healthy without crossing over into being too causal. Perhaps they’ll infuse me with that at my citizenship ceremony….

    Anyway, no real worry yet, at least not for us. Mrs Fishy’s grandmother is a lot closer. She seems to think that the assisted living facility she’s in will take care of her. That might be, but if the fire front moves any significant distance closer to Bright (her town) tomorrow were going up there and to do our damnedest to talk her into leaving. Hell, this old farm house has five bedrooms after all.

    I also had a customer today who had pics of the smoke just over the ridge from her home. She had a babe in arms and a two year old. I told her to come to our place should the need arise, assuming we’re still not actively under threat. Five bedrooms. Hell there were once twelve people living in it, seven won’t even be a squeeze.

    *Why yes, I have been re-watching Firefly, how did you guess?
    **Is it still superstitious thinking if it makes me happy that there are 13 roof trusses?

  222. 222
    bluentx

    Fossil Fishy:
    Tell the Mrs. that’s not what she should worry about. It’s those like me who have been wanting to go ‘down under’ (for forty years or more). We think we have a ‘connection’ now through Pharyangula. That should get her mind off wild fires. ; )

  223. 223
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Heh, truth be told bluentx she loves having guests and the further away they’re from the better. Hell, she went all the way to Canada to find a husband after all. Mind you, I haven’t yet told here that our little block of land is going to be part of the Pharyngula End O’ the World Commune. We might want to keep that on the down low until zombies make worrying about it moot.

    JAL I just wanted to say how much I loved your effort in the Natalie Reed thread. If I’d been one of those trolls I’d have totally responded to you…. And hooray for dental work! It’s only them’s that don’t really need it that complain about going to the dentist.

  224. 224
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Happy Wednesday to all.

    Three more days until vacation (heading up to Maine to visit my family at Acadia).

    Shitty night with lots of bad dreams (some new information but nothing that floored me).

    (Trigger warning)
    Shhh, we’re never ever going to call that rape

    Yet another example of a magician’s choice. Yes, the young girl was given a choice. No, she really didn’t have a choice. Bleah.

    . . . but “alleged victim” strikes me as new.

    Well, I suppose it is better than the old term, “prosecutrix”?

    And he may have simply picked the ones that were for his purposes “convenient”; nothing to do at all with any attributes of any of his victims.

    From my recent dreams (last night and the night before) we were all blonds (my hair has now turned dard brown, but as a kid, I was a blue-eyed blond). So, at the least, I think physical attributes did matter to the rapist.

  225. 225
    x

    billingtondev: This is the only part of FTB (or any blog, unless Google+ is a blog) that I participate in. I don’t feel bad about it, and recommend the same to you. Mostly, I make pointless food comments, like the following one, which is in response, IIRC, to Improbable Joe. On G+ I mostly only do things like posting pictures of zirconium ingots, rockets, and ferns.

    My main meal (not dinner, really) was tasty glop: whatever the cheapest cut of meat was at the store (pork, this time), browned, deglazed with beer and turned into a nice chili sauce (braised for a few hours). My basic survival food vehicle for nutritious and otherwise unpleasant veggies. Simmered in a vat and then frozen away into meal-sized containers. I spend a few hours every couple weeks cooking vats of glop.

    Tomorrow, however, Guest, who is in town from afar on business, and staying with us some of that time, is taking us out to Woodberry Kitchen, one of those hip Überlocal foodie places, seeing as how he’s saved so much on his per diem. He also managed to wangle a hotel in a little tourist town, so he, W.U. and I had a nice little overnight getaway to St. Michaels, where the local, very small brewery makes excellent beers.

    Oh, and by the way, if you ever go to St. Michaels (in Maryland, on the Eastern Shore), I highly recommend both the Maritime History Museum (18 acres of exhibits, including a working wooden boat restoration facility), and the restaurant Gina’s (very small, but very, very clever; be careful about dessert though, the deep fried cheesecake burrito thing didn’t quite work out)

  226. 226
    x

    Note: I didn’t mean to imply, above, that all my glops are chili based, just the one I had last night. Tonight, for example, my main meal will be a Smoky Bean Stew that is excellently satisfying as a veggie vehicle, and yet without a tasty meat component; my first ever success in that realm.

  227. 227
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Fossil Fishy
    Fingers are crossed for fires dying out.

    Hi billingtondev

    JAL
    Yay for dentist

    +++
    So, the talk on trans* issues was interesting, I never knew about DragKings, I only knew the highly misogynistic mainstream DragQueen presentations which always left me a bit sour.
    But I think that some people define transgender a bit too broad. A definition that would include me as somebody who is happily female but who has some severe issues with feminininity and gender performance isn’t really usefull. Me getting a raised eyebrow for being territorial around the toolbox isn’t really in the same ballpark as people atually being threatened and killed for being trans*.
    Also I think the young woman next to me tried to pick me up, which is flattering.

  228. 228
    carlie

    *Why yes, I have been re-watching Firefly, how did you guess?

    I just started watching it, finally. Got about 4 episodes in, but haven’t been able to watch more in a week or two.

  229. 229
    x

    And hey, Ogvorbis! (I’m about to go get my daily espresso, my last post for now, but Oggie posted while I was posting).

    Maine in winter! Now that’s what I call a vacation!* I do love Bar Harbor, although I don’t care about lahbstah. Don’t dislike it, but don’t care about it. Give me a ribeye and a pint of porter instead. Except, you can’t, it’s all lahbstah. Oh well, how I suffer.

    *Yes, yes, I know that’s not saying much: _NotWilkesBarre_ in winter! Indeed, that’s what I call a vacation!**

    **Of course, in my case it’s _NotBaltimore_ in winter! … but now I feel a contradiction coming on, because I wouldn’t want to vacation in Wilkes Barre, even though it’s _NotBaltimore_. Shucks.

    OK. Chemicals. I need my chemicals.

  230. 230
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Fossil Fishy:

    Yay progress, BOO! fires!

  231. 231
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Cannabinaceae:

    Sorry. I’ll comment sooner next time.

    Visiting my parents in winter up in coastal Maine is wonderful. If we get a clear day, I’ll be out taking photos of iced waterfalls, the winter ocean, the cliffs and mountains. Glorious.

    Plus my parents have a woodstove and the living room is usually very very warm and toasty.

  232. 232
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    JAL: Yay for the dentist!

    Cannabinaceae “Glop” still tickles me something fierce. If only my wife would eat it… :(

    Azkyroth: I’ve got no advice, but I wish you good luck.

    katenrala: I want to beat people about the head and shoulders with a shit-dipped sea bass on your behalf.

    WMDKitty: You can quit smoking! But if you don’t, one a day isn’t exactly going to ruin your health. I’ve been quit for around six year, but the first 3-4 years I’d still smoke one or two a month, and I bought a couple of packs here or there.

    Oggie: Yay upcoming vacation!

  233. 233
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Last night, Wife and I went to the casino. She did well, I smoked a cigar.

    Two quite elderly women (Wife guessed they were between 70 and 80) walked past Wife as she played her machine. One said to the other: “We have to remember to find Mother and bring her with us when we leave.” Just one of those odd moments of normal conversation. Made us wonder: did they forget Mother once?

  234. 234
    Parrowing

    Thanks for letting us know about the talk, Giliell

    *

    I’ve just been looking through old documents from quite a few computers ago and I’m attempting to organize them. It is so weird, because I cannot remember writing some of these papers at all. I don’t have any recollection of the information in the paper, my conclusions, anything. It’s like I was a different person. I know I have trouble with remembering details about books I read a long time ago, but I didn’t think it’d be this bad when it came to writing. Does anyone else have that experience when looking at things written a long time ago?

    Completely unrelated, but was anyone else who was watching inauguration coverage yesterday getting irritated with how the talking heads insisted on commenting on what Michelle Obama was wearing, the implications of it, the designers, etc.? Maybe they didn’t do this on every channel… I think I was watching CBS. At one point, one of the commentators even said (paraphrasing) “And you know, we never really talk much about what the President is wearing, huh? Isn’t that funny?” Hmm, why do you think that is? NO, it’s not funny at all, neither Haha-funny nor peculiar-funny.

    And then one of them would toss to another and say, “What about you, what do you know about fashion?” You could practically hear the guy smirk and then say in a condescending voice “Why, I know [insert bit of information that highlights how frivolous they think this topic is but have to talk about it anyway because what else is there to talk about when it comes to Michelle Obama or other First Ladies?].”

  235. 235
    opposablethumbs

    TL:DR APOLOGIES FOR EGREGIOUSLY MASSIVE CATCH-UP COMMENT SORRY SORRY!
    .
    iJoe, that was a very inspiring bit of writing about acquiring skills.
    This is from way back. I am so behind it’s not funny. What with trying to squeeze two weeks’ work into one (well, one-and-a-bit) so that I could a) help my kids with applications and b) go out at the weekend, and threads exploding …. so now I come back and see that you’ve had/are having a really shitty patch. Apart from seconding what others have said, it just made me think –
    .
    you’re the guy who wrote that inspiring comment about acquiring skills, iJoe - I mean, you’re in the slough of despond right now, but you are that positive, encouraging and inspiring guy. {{hugs}} and hope you get out of the slough soon.
    .
    FossilFishy and fellow Australians, hope you are all completely un-singed.
    Nutmeg, conga rats on the New Person Situation. I’m out of date, so I hope conga rats are ok ….?
    .
    Hugs to MellowMonkey and partner re grandfather’s surgery :-( Hope you are OK. Keeping tentacles crossed anyway.
    .
    My hat is off to the Invisible Pixels. Wow – just OMFG wow. Staggering.
    .
    Cool cat, Katherine!
    .
    Giliell, hope things are improving for your mother at the new hospital. And the stomach-bug thing, argh.
    .
    My brother used to keep bees. You have to have a bee-hat with a veil, Louis! (also amazingly useful when dealing with wasps’ nests)
    .
    ::still reading::
    .
    fuck I am so sorry for all the people who have been triggered by the latest explosions of douche-hattery. I don’t know what to say. It’s gobsmackingly awful.
    .
    oy, Tony. Sounds like W was best avoided. But the thing is, having the impression I do of your character from what you post, I would say the odds are very good that sooner or later you will meet someone who realises how blindingly brilliant a bloke you are (for rlz).
    .
    Carlie, I think you handled the whole using-the-sink-for-purposes-other-than-that-originally-intended situation brilliantly. Solved without embarassing him is very cool. Hey, about half-a-dozen epochs ago when I was a student living in a chambre de bonne I had the choice at night between miles of cold dark corridor to a hole-in-the-floor loo shared with loads of strangers, and the sink in my room … plenty of hot water, liberally applied, plus regular clearning and it was never a problem :-) Ah, I see that Jadehawk and chigau have heard the same rumours I have!
    .
    I saw the shot serif too, I was just way too late.

    He doesn’t always finish his comments, but when he does

    Ogvorbis, you are a funny guy. I guess you deadpan a lot in RL too?
    .

    Remember that Depression is a callous, malicious, lying bastard that explicitly does not have your best interests at heart, will deceive you any way it can, and will do its best to suck the joy out of Every. Fucking. Thing. That is what it does. That is its job.

    Well said, cicely. So stealing that to show my kids when they are down.
    .
    Argh and shitshitshit and more hugs for the pile for Nepenthe.
    And hugs to pass on to TLC if anyone who talks to him wouldn’t mind passing them on. Hope he feels like coming back here some time.
    .
    Parrowing, you may be an artificial Swedener but you certainly say the Swedest things!
    .
    JAL, another yay for going to the dentist.
    .
    katenrala, I am so sorry you have some seriously shitty people piling on you in RL. How can they do that?!?! And then I realised, part of me was blithely thinking “oh I would never do shit like that”. But what you wrote made me stop and think – I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a question: I recently found out that a friend of mine has cancer. She’s already been operated on, and she’s about to start chemo. We live a long way from each other and pretty much only have contact via emails and on the net. She has good people around her in RL; I just want to do any little thing I can that she might find amusing and avoid doing or saying things that might make her feel worse. But I don’t know what it’s like, I don’t know what might be me wanting to show concern but come across as wallowing in her illness, or me wanting to be positive but come across as ignoring her illness … you know? And it’s not about me, it’s about hopefully being one of the people who are there for her. I would be grateful to katenrala or other Horders for any thoughts about how best to be supportive to a long-distance friend whose prospects I wish were better.

    END WALL OF STUFF, SORRY FOR MAKING IT SO LONG …

  236. 236
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    – Ogvorbis, you are a funny guy. I guess you deadpan a lot in RL too?

    No. In real life, I use the way I look to be funny.

  237. 237
    dianne

    Hi, thread. I’m massively threadrupt having been offline all last week. Dogsledding in Minnesota. Northern Minnesota. And camping out. I’ve now officially learned the meaning of “bitterly cold” and have a questionable bit of damage to extremities from not wearing thick enough gloves. Or maybe from wearing gloves that are too small and getting constriction. Anyway, does anyone know how long minor parasthesias from cold and/or constriction last? Typing feels…weird.

  238. 238
    chigau (違う)

    dianne
    Tingling shouldn’t last more than a couple of hours.
    Next time weat mittens;)

  239. 239
    UnknownEric the Apostate

    Uberthreadrupt here. Sorry to unload all this on you fine folks, but it’s just been one HELL of a month in the UE household. First, my wife, who has bipolar, went into a dangerous mixed state where she was extremely depressed, yet “up” enough to hurt herself. After she slashed her arms a few times (thankfully not deep), she admitted herself to the hospital for a week for fear of her own safety. Thankfully, she’s out and feeling better now, but the hits didn’t stop there. My daughter had a lice infestation that started just after my wife was admitted, then, while I was treating that, she got a bad case of the flu and was sick for a week. Then I got a touch of said flu just before my wife was released from the hospital. THEN, as the cherry on top of the poop sundae, I had a health scare last weekend where my chest felt tight, I had trouble breathing, and starting going numb in my extremities. Although the doctors were able to rule out a heart attack or pulmonary embolism, they have absolutely no idea what it actually was.

    Sigh. Is it February yet? Seriously.

  240. 240
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    I am having a massive panick attack right now and I don’t know why… Something triggered me outside and I’ve been trying to deal with it, but I know I’m on a hair trigger ready to just snap.

  241. 241
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Interesting news for fans of eighties hardcore. The first single by Hüsker Dü has been found, remastered and will be released for Record Store Day.

    The song, Statues, will hardly a classic, is interesting. One can hear the elements that made Hüsker Dü the juggernaut it ended up being, but not just yet. And Bob Mould’s guitar, even at this early date, is unmistakable.

    Enjoy.

  242. 242
    Parrowing

    Wow, UnknownEric, you’re right, that is one poop sundae.

    Props to your wife for seeking the treatment she needed and glad to hear she’s feeling better now. I know how difficult that can be.

    Props to you for taking care of your daughter while sick yourself.

    I hope that you are able to figure out what happened to you and I’m happy to hear that it was not a heart attack or pulmonary embolism. Please pop into the Lounge when you can and say hello :) (But if you can’t, that’s completely understandable!)

  243. 243
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Aiii, I got called to an interview/testing for a really (as in, actually payed some normal amount of money) real job and now I’m not sure how to ask to be let out to go there during work hours.

    I think everyone is aware that all of us working there for peanuts and work experience are looking for a real job, but I don’t want to make enemies in the quite probable case where I don’t actually get the other job.

  244. 244
    UnknownEric the Apostate

    Interesting news for fans of eighties hardcore. The first single by Hüsker Dü has been found, remastered and will be released for Record Store Day.

    Yaaaay! Those songs may not be their best work, but it documents that interesting moment in which the Huskers had more in common with PiL than Black Flag.

  245. 245
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Just because Hüsker Dü ended up on Black Flag’s label. But they also released stuff on The Minutemen’s label.

    Take that, Huskers.

    Happy that you got something to enjoy.

  246. 246
    cicely

    I’ve outlined an essay about being attacked for being asexual by those I think should know better, feminists and gay and lesbian people. Does anyone think it’d be worth finishing and sharing in a lounge or would that be too divisive?

    If you can’t run it here, then I don’t know where. Why, we had a calm discussion in here just the other day, on a topic that ordinarily results in shitstorms; I’ve lost the details for the moment (because it’s Monday (good as, anyway), and morning, and I’m stoopid under both of those conditions), but I’m sure that someone capable of Thought & Memory can point you that way if you’re interested.
    :)
    -
    iJoe, your dinner sounds yummy. I have never met orange-glazed salmon, but would be delighted to introduce myself if one happened to come along.
    :)
    -
    *waving*
    Howdy, bluentx! 2:10 a.m. isn’t my time zone, I’m afraid. Not on week nights, anyways.
    -

    Delurking..
    …and just wondering… is it ok to participate here if I’m not participating much anywhere else on FTB?

    Welcome in, billingtondev; and I sure as hell hope so, or I am toast…then, next thing you know, the Horses will be using the [Lounge] to factory farm peas. An unappetising thought!
    -

    PS Nothing bad about injecting a bit of joy here, especially inadvertently! :)

    This.
    -
    Yay for going to the dentist, JAL!
    -
    *hugs* for Giliell, and I hope the day got better. And if not, then I hope that tomorrow will contain 100% Less Suck.
    -
    UnknownEric, that is, indeed, one impressive crap sandwich you got there. Would you like chocolate sauce on this pile of *hugs*? If so, just say “when”.
    -
    *hugs* and support for Katherine Lorraine. Deep, slow breaths!
    -

  247. 247
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Katherine Lorraine

    Panic attacks suck… anything that anyone can do to help?

  248. 248
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Improbable Joe:

    Probably not, if I’m still triggering in like a half hour, I’ll go take a walk to the CVS down the street, get some candy, and sit at my desk pretending to do work until I can go home and cry.

  249. 249
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    OH BLOODY HELL JALAPENO CHIPS ARE HOT!!!

    It may be 30 degrees out (Fahrenheit of course) but I’m eating gelato.

  250. 250
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    opposablethumbs,

    Yeah… I’m a person who can do things. When I’m not depressed, that is. I’m still pretty depressed, but not in that “doom doom DOOM” sort of way. I’m able to do a little bit right now. I’m going to need to do a little more this weekend, because I blew a vacuum tube in my amp. Luckily I have a secondary amp, but I’m selling it this weekend to help pay on my Stratocaster, so I’ll have to divert some of the funds from that into buying a new set of matched tubes. Also going to need to buy a voltmeter and hope I don’t electrocute myself. Shit.

    Tubes. Vacuum tubes. What fucking year is this again?!?!

  251. 251
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    JAL
    Yay for dentistry! I would still be using milk crates and cinderblocks, but local culture around here has developed the practice of Free Boxes (metphorically, sometimes). ESsentially, in large parts of town, it’s become customary to put usable clothes, furniture, and houshold items that one no longer wants or can’t take with one your latest move onto the curb with a sign saying ‘Free’. L and I have furnished an entire apartment this way.
    billingtondev
    Hello and welcome. My participation elsewhere waxes and wanes
    Parrowing

    Does anyone else have that experience when looking at things written a long time ago?

    I do. But then, my episodic memory is more notional than real, so that’s my experience with a whole lot of things.

    Completely unrelated, but was anyone else who was watching inauguration coverage yesterday getting irritated with how the talking heads insisted on commenting on what Michelle Obama was wearing, the implications of it, the designers, etc.? SNIP

    No, I wasn’t, and this kind of shit is one of the reasons why I don’t.
    Katherine
    *hugs*
    Beatrice
    I called in sick to go to the interview, when I was in a similar situation.

  252. 252
    Nutmeg

    dianne:

    Anyway, does anyone know how long minor parasthesias from cold and/or constriction last?

    I had minor frostbite once, and it lasted a week or ten days. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  253. 253
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Anyway, does anyone know how long minor parasthesias from cold and/or constriction last?

    My only experience with frostbite was a line across my cheeks and nose — my neoprene masque was not under my goggles. The white line lasted about a day, then turned to a blue that was almost black, then scabbed, then the scab fell off, and eventually (six months later) it faded away. I never got frostbite on an extremity, so I have no idea how long the altered sensations will last. Sorry.

  254. 254
    Inaji

    *Paging interested parties to the Angry Dome* *Paging interested parties to the Angry Dome*

    We have an ableist slur using idiot loose.

  255. 255
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Another shooting. This time in a Texas community college. No fatalities reportef as yet.

  256. 256
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Good evening
    I like people who pay for the lessons they couldn’t attend, too.
    Although honestly the lady probably doesn’t notice the 10 bucks anyway.

    +++
    Unknown Eric
    I’m really sorry to hear. I’m glad everybody is better now and that this won’t happen again.
    hugs if you want them.
    I don’t want to be an internet doctor, but could your health scare have been the stress? Because I react similarly. I’m calm and everybody’s rock in a crisis and do and manage and when things finally get better I react physically because I don’t allow myself to burden the others with my emotional state.

    Katherine
    Hugs to you, too

    +++
    Free things: Here people leave stuff in the entrance hall. Either it gets picked up or the jaintor puts it in the trash after a day or two.

  257. 257
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    billingtondev – Welcome to the Lounge. I mostly lurk on the other threads and hang out here when I’ve got the time.

    UnknownEric – *hugs

    Kat – *hugs

    Beatrice – Good news and good luck! Unfortunately, unless you get a lunch hour that would be long enough, I don’t have any advice about carving out time for the testing/interview.

  258. 258
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    So I went to the university library because I got an alert that Kimmel’s “Manhood in America” was available.

    Got it.

    Walked back.

    All I can say is this: HOLY FUCK IT IS COLD! And the wind does NOT help.

    So, I made a mug of tea. Opened a sampler I haven’t tried before. Conclusion: Golden Pu’eh is intriguing in its flavor.

  259. 259
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    billingtondev:
    By all means. Post away. I love hearing from new voices. The Lounge is open to anyone (as long as they adhere to the easy to follow rules). Welcome!

  260. 260
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Heartbreaking news.
    Trigger Warning
    ” The teenager accused of gunning down his parents and three siblings in their New Mexico home had hoped to go on a killing spree and die in a shootout with police, investigators said Tuesday.

    Nehemiah Griego, 15, will stand trial as an adult in the weekend killings, prosecutors announced. He was arrested Saturday night, after deputies found the bodies of his mother, father, brother and two of his sisters in their home on the outskirts of Albuquerque.

    Griego told investigators he hoped to end his spree “at a Walmart, with mass destruction,” Bernalillo County Sheriff Dan Houston told reporters.

    Griego told investigators he was “frustrated with his mother,” but “he did not articulate that to our investigators any further or give any explanation of that at all,” Houston said.”
    http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/22/justice/new-mexico-shooting/

    The details of how he killed his brother are horrifying. The whole story make me want to cry and RAGE simultaneously.

  261. 261
    cicely

    Another shooting. This time in a Texas community college. No fatalities reportef as yet.

    This site seems to be being updated as info becomes available.
    -

  262. 262
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Tony, Libby Anne has a detail of that case that may be relevant

    I mean, it is hard to say 100% how much it is relevant, but it does make me wonder about what was going on in that home.

  263. 263
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    This appears to be an altercation between two people, and the two injured were caught in the crossfire.

    Both of them having a weapon really did a lot towards solving the issue. Too bad about those that got caught in the crossfire. Now, if they had had guns… Things could have turned out differently.

  264. 264
    cicely

    But…but…
     
    <Gumby&ComicSans>

    guns are “essential to living the way God intended”!

    </Gumby&ComicSans
    -

  265. 265
    billingtondev

    Tony – and others…
    Thanks for responses and welcomes.
    Rules here seem pretty easy and straightforward – like just be a decent human being? Think I can manage that :-)
    Cannabinaceae: Nothing like a good glop story first thing in the morning.

    Heard a short radio interview here with Rebecca Watson a few weeks ago – she was asked about the whole elevatorgate thing (she must get SO tired of that). Knew nothing about it before but wondered what that was all about – so went off googling, reading, following links, more reading, lurking here and there – like you do – and ended up here!
    Good stuff.
    Rest of FTB a bit rough and tumble for me at the mo.

  266. 266
    Inaji

    Cicely, using <blockquote cite= “creationist”> </blockquote> works.

  267. 267
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Really? It’s cite=”creationist”?

    This amuses me!

    Blathering test!

  268. 268
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    . . . so went off googling, reading, following links, more reading, lurking here and there – like you do – and ended up here!

    Welcome. And let me say that I am glad you ended up here rather than with the groups who, for their (usually) obvious reasons, twists reality into a Klein bottle.

  269. 269
    Inaji

    Esteleth:

    Really? It’s cite=”creationist”?

    Yeah. That’s the way PZ set it up for himself back on Sciborg, because he was quoting creationists a *lot* back in the day.

    It seems no one is too interested in giving us our q tag back. *sniffs*

  270. 270
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Billingtondev:
    YMMV, obviously, but I find Pharyngula is the most rough and tumble place at FtB. PZ allows people a wide berth here. Obviously not the Lounge.
    Each of the bloggers here has their own rules, so it can be worthwhile to check them out. There are some wonderful, unique, diverse bloggers here.
    ****

    In more awful news (but with a bright spot of decency, which I will bold):
    ” Ramsey had abducted the student from CMU’s campus about 2.5 hours northwest of Detroit on Wednesday evening, then drove her to a home where he bound and sexually assaulted her, the sheriff’s department said in a news release.

    After the attack, Ramsey put the woman back in the car, grabbed two cans of gasoline and began driving again, it said. When he told the woman he was going to kill her, she jumped from the car and ran to a nearby residence, where she knocked on the door and yelled for help, the release said.

    A 14-year-old boy let her in and, after hearing her story, locked the woman, his younger sister and himself in the bathroom, Mioduszewski said.”

    http://us.cnn.com/2013/01/18/justice/michigan-crime-facebook/index.html?c=&page=1

    I am so glad the teen took her in, even at risk to himself and his sister.

  271. 271
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Tony, that is a terrible story, but an awesome young man. He showed more awareness and empathy than far too many adults.

  272. 272
    cicely

    Caine: It didn’t, for me, the last time I checked, and with links showing up so wonky in Preview, I opted for the chicken way out; however, let us see….

    guns are “essential to living the way God intended”!

    -

  273. 273
    cicely

    Nope. I will just have to continue to has a sad.
    -

  274. 274
    Inaji

    Cicely, it worked fine! I see Gumby and comic sans in yours @ 272. Perhaps you need to have ‘secret comic sans’ installed in greasemonkey?

  275. 275
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    no comic sans without Gumby? :(

  276. 276
    cicely

    I miss our old <q> so….
    *sniffle*
    -
    Caine, the Gumby&ComicSans is invisible to me, alas; and this is my work machine, so I don’t get to have The Husband greasemonkey with it. Does that work with IE, btw?
    -

  277. 277
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Hmmm. So I can get comic sans without Gumby, but I also get quotation marks.

  278. 278
    Inaji

    Cicely:

    Does that work with IE, btw?

    No, firefox only. I miss the tag too.

  279. 279
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    *sigh*

    Hmmm. So I can get comic sans without Gumby, but I also get quotation marks.

    Also, my Ctrl button got stuck. Damn.

  280. 280
    chigau (違う)

    I haven’t actually tried this yet

    .
    .
    .Baffling stuff someone said.

    Other baffling stuff.

  281. 281
    chigau (違う)

    <q> makes quote marks.

  282. 282
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    So we never had comic sans without gumby without quote marks?

  283. 283
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    I cannot see comic sans on my phone.

  284. 284
    chigau (違う)

    Hmmm. So I can get comic sans without Gumby, but I also get quotation marks.

  285. 285
    Inaji

    Beatrice:

    So we never had comic sans without gumby without quote marks?

    Yes, of course we did. We had it before the change over to the new graphics. The <q>text</g> tag used to give you comic sans.

  286. 286
    chigau (違う)

    Beatrice
    We used to have comic sans without quotes but it due to was something PZ did way up in blog-god land.

  287. 287
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    thanks for the answers

  288. 288
    Inaji

    Make that q /q.

    Geez, can’t type today.

  289. 289
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Oh godz, I don’t know if I can handle another Rah Rah Second Amendment thread right now.

  290. 290
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    You know that point when you’Re too tired to go to bed?
    Reached that 45 min ago.

  291. 291
    birgerjohansson

    Black patients with hypertension not prescribed diuretics enough http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-black-patients-hypertension-diuretics.html Gay

    African-American youth face unique challenges coming out to families http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-gay-african-american-youth-unique-families.html

    In the first case, greater genetic diversity may mean greater medical challenges, in the latter case the problems are social. The first case would be sorted out if thedoctors started following the guidelines.

  292. 292
    birgerjohansson

    “artificial Swedener?”
    It reminds me, if I locate the snail-mail address to the media company Steven Colbert works for, I should write and suggest they send a member of their program team to the Power Meet next summer.Tens of thousands of ordinary people who spend lots of money on restoring 1950s cars, and drive around with them wearing 1950s fashion and playing rock music from the period. This is a grass-roots meeting, you can find people from every walk of life. A crowd of foreigners interacting with (mostly) American symbols without setting them on fire!
    Also, an example of travelling back to the 1950s *without* the nasty little things conservatives forget when they go all nostalgic

  293. 293
    Inaji

    Chigau:

    makes quote marks.

    Which is utterly stupid, given that we have a handy dandy key for that.

  294. 294
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Nepenthe:

    The last nuclear relative that I haven’t told about being raped is embarking on a grand artistic project to raise awareness about sexual assault and date rape, focusing on the effect on the people who know the victim. I have to tell them. I don’t want to tell them. If I don’t tell them, they’re bound to say something stupid and triggering about rape and I’m bound to flip out and tell them on accident, as happened with the rest of family. And there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth and more disapproval from rest of family.

    ::hugs::
    I’m sorry.

    ****

    Caine:

    I’d rather see the likes of “comradebob” banhammered so hard he’d shoot straight through the planet.

    Have we come up with a secular alternative for “AMEN”?
    Whatever it is, insert here.
    ****

    Dalillama, Nutmeg:

    God, yes. I wish someone would do step-by-step instructions for this. I know it’s supposed to involve a casual invitation for coffee, or something, but I’ve never been able to do it. Other people have taken the initiative a couple of times, but somehow I missed whatever social judo they performed.

    I’ve done this a few times. Granted I work in bars/restaurants, so maybe it’s different. I have found that asking someone if they want to continue a conversation elsewhere (coffee shop, restaurant, bar, library) works.
    ****
    Damn, I am so tired of my computer acting up. It works fine for a while then freezes up with a damn “Not Responding” message. I’m all like “No duh. I can tell you’re not responding.” It takes several minutes to unfreeze, at which point, I get a message saying:

    A script on this page may be busy, or it may have stopped responding. You can stop the script now, or you can continue to see if the script will complete.

    Script: resource:///components/nsPrompter.js:434

  295. 295
    Inaji

    Giliell! Get some rest.

    Birger:

    in the latter case the problems are social.

    That’s well known and has been for a long time. There’s a cultural expectation of partnering up and breeding, it’s considered part and parcel of becoming a man.

  296. 296
    Inaji

    Tony:

    Have we come up with a secular alternative for “AMEN”?

    Amen just means “So be it; truly”, so I don’t have any problems using it.

  297. 297
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    I sent the Kickstarter page for Jenna Cavelle’s documentary to my mother and learned some interesting family history. I had known my grandmother was a “token Indian” in the Bureau of Land Management, but had not known that her department had been involved in those water rights. She had apparently come home with many horror stories of the government diverting water without warning and other abuses.

    Makes me sad she isn’t around any longer and all of her journals aren’t in English and are in a personal shorthand on top of that. So many stories lost.

  298. 298
    Inaji

    MM, is there no chance of having them translated? It might take a while to break the shorthand, but it could most likely be done.

    I also want to tell you that in the time you’ve been here, you have become an important voice, and I hope your time as a Pharyngulite will be a very long one. (I was rather upset with myself that I had gone such a long time without telling Carlie how much she meant to me, and am trying to be a bit better about that sort of thing.)

  299. 299
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    One of those days.
    You know what I mean.
    They come and go.
    They invite themselves when they are not asked. They overstay their welcome.
    Those days. Whoever created them needs to be a permanent fixture in the spanking parlor.
    I had one of those days today.
    By that I mean that my emotional mood was across the spectrum.
    Indifferent? Check.
    Angry? Check.
    Elated? Check.
    Sorrowful? Check.

    I felt rather drained by the time I got off work.
    The news of the shooting, as well as the links I posted earlier @ 260 and 270 put me in the angry/sorrowful moods. Indifference wound its way in and out of my day for no particular reason.
    Elation came from one of the simplest acts of kindness from someone else. I say simple because she thought it wasn’t a big deal. For me, it nearly brought me to tears. No idea why.
    So I had this couple dine for lunch and I chatted with them for some time. They were pet owners from New Orleans. Both the wife and husband love their cat and dog. They had actually just brought their dog to the beach. We probably talked for a good 20 minutes before I remembered they came in to eat. When they finished their meal, we started chatting about the shooting in Texas today, then segued to the former mayor of New Orleans. At the tail end of the conversation, I mentioned that I’ve been to NOLA several times, but I have only explored the French Quarter. I haven’t seen much of what NOLA has to offer outside of the area of drunken debauchery. I mentioned to them that I *love* red beans and rice, but my first trip to NOLA, I was disappointed in the version of the dish I had.
    This woman, who I had never met before responds “Oh, I’ve got some red beans and rice up in our room. Give me a box, and I will bring you some.”
    Me: “I can’t impose upon you like that.”
    Her: “Nonsense. I make it all the time and in huge batches. I have plenty.”
    Me: “Ok, that sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
    I came back with a small to go box, thinking a little portion would suffice. She looked at the box and looked at me and told me to go back to the kitchen and grab a bigger box. I chuckled and did so.
    Not even 20 minutes went by, and she came back, with a box full of red beans and rice.

    It was one of those lovely, wonderful, nice, compassionate acts that really makes me feel all warm inside. It probably wasn’t a big deal for her, but it meant the world to me. I probably thanked her 5 times.

    And the dish was delightful. I devoured quickly.

  300. 300
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Caine:
    Speaking of important voices, I think yours is definitely one. The times you’ve been gone have left a Caine shaped hole in Pharyngula.

  301. 301
    Inaji

    Aaaw, that’s sweet of you to say, Tony. Thank you. *Love* the red beans & rice story. Those moments can really carry you through when things have a tendency to be on the shit side. When things aren’t on the shit side, they’re like an extra helping of chocolate in a sundae.

  302. 302
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Caine, it’s the shorthand that’s the really hard part. I’m hopeful and my mother has them all saved, but figuring out the writing system she devised (very little of it is even recognizable Latin script) is definitely one of the biggest stumbling blocks.

    And thank you very much for the kind words. I know I’m one of the least educated people here in many ways, so I always worry I’m just spouting moronic gibberish when I try to join a conversation. :D That any value is in there for people means a lot to me, particularly if you think so, as I’ve admired your writing here for a long time.

  303. 303
    Inaji

    MM:

    I’m hopeful and my mother has them all saved, but figuring out the writing system she devised (very little of it is even recognizable Latin script) is definitely one of the biggest stumbling blocks.

    A cryptologist might like getting their teeth into something like that.

  304. 304
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Thank you Horde for the innumerable ways my life has been positively impacted by what I’ve learned here.
    I had an opportunity to discuss the intersection of feminism and homophobia with someone at the bar last night.
    Take a seat, this is TL; DR.

    I came into Emerald City last night for a few drinks after work. While I was here, one of the other bar patrons struck up a conversation with me (We’ll call him C; btw, I was also quite impressed that he wasn’t disrespectful in his manner of approach; too often, people expect that they have the right to demand my time). C is a makeup artist. He works in a local salon. He told me this story about how a schoolteacher came into his salon looking for makeup to cover some skin grafts she had on her face. C told me about how this woman had approached several other salons and was turned away. People actually refused to attempt to help her out. She wanted someone to help cover up the grafts. C told her that it would take a little bit of work, but he would do it.
    I turned to him, looked him in the eye and said THANK YOU.
    Even now, typing this, it brings me to tears.
    This woman was just looking for something that so many other people take for granted. She likely wanted to be able to function in society just as so many other people do. To be turned away by several establishments had to have been rough on her. I let him know that it may have meant a lot to her that he agreed to work with her. I told him that I was happy that he treated her with decency and respect and without judging her. I can only imagine what it might be like for many people with visible skin grafts trying to interact with people in public. I know how harsh kids can be (adults too).

    C and I chatted for quite some time. In fact, I became rather engrossed in our discussion (to the point that I stopped responding to squiller’s idiotic ramblings).

    At one point we got on a discussion of femininity and masculinity and how men are perceived in the gay community. I told him that I used to have issues with guys who “acted feminine”. In years past, I wanted a guy who “acted masculine”. It wasn’t until I started reading here that I began to recognize that there is:
    A: nothing wrong with being a woman, or with a guy having characteristics typically associated with women.
    and
    B: behaviors are not gender specific. Men and women can act in similar ways in a variety of situations.
    I conveyed all that to him.
    I let him know that “blue is for guys, pink is for girls”, is a load of bullshit and is based on society’s gender roles that dictate that certain things are for girls and certain things are for guys.
    When I pointed out to him the sexism involved in guys who say “I want a masculine guy”, it was like a lightbulb went off in his head.
    He told me he’d never thought of that before and that it made complete sense.

    As I said at the onset of this post, thank you Horde. The lessons I’ve learned here have stuck with me, and I find I am able to carry them out in meatspace and talk to people about them. To know that I helped someone achieve a moment of clarity is so humbling.

    I couldn’t have done it without this place.
    ****

    speaking of stupid gender roles, I had to go to Walmart today (ugh, I am trying not to shop there at all, but I busted a button on my pants for work today and had to buy another pair. They were the only place open). I bought one of those lighter sticks (the ones with the fluid inside that you push the button to work). It was pink. For a split second I was like “I can’t buy a pink lighter. I’m a guy.” The thought was fleeting, but still, I hate that I had the thought to begin with.

    Fuck this gender essentialism.

  305. 305
    billingtondev

    Ogvorbis @ 268
    “Welcome. And let me say that I am glad you ended up here rather than with the groups who, for their (usually) obvious reasons, twists reality into a Klein bottle.”

    Oh I passed through those groups alright. Could hardly beleive what I was reading. Restate: Could NOT beleive what I was reading. My jaw dropped to the floor more times than is good for any body joint to experience in such a short space of time.

    I was raised an Atheist – though never an Athesit ‘activist’. Didn’t really realize such a thing existed. Just took it for granted I guess. I love love love honest critical thinking and the things it does inside your brain. Was involved in some feminist activism back in the day. So when I found this place, things just went DING DING DING!

    My brain has had more of a workout than it has in years since I’ve been reading here and other places – learning heaps – such a good feeling. Didn’t really realize how much I was needing that. Will probly continue lurking more than posting cos I still have some catching up to do. But so good to know there’s a safe sane place to converse if needed.

  306. 306
    Nutmeg

    Tony, here are some *homemade gingersnaps of the chewy variety*, because you’re awesome and I miss reading your comments when I’m not around much.

    Today, the girl I’m dating referred to my chestwaders (for fieldwork) as “sexy fishing trousers”. That is the awesomest phrase I’ve heard in a while and I will be using it at every opportunity.

  307. 307
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    Caine:

    A cryptologist might like getting their teeth into something like that.

    That’s a brilliant suggestion. I’ll bring it up to my mom the next time we talk!

  308. 308
    chigau (違う)

    Welcome in billingtondev.
    Have some grog.
    and some tips
    If you type
    <blockquote>paste quoted text here</blockquote>
    this will result.

    paste quoted text here

    It will make your comments easier to read if you are quoting someone.
    also, since I have the file open
    .
    <i>italic text</i>
    italic text
    .
    <b>bold text</b>
    bold text

  309. 309
    Inaji

    Tony, a huge *YAY* for you, and one for C, too. On the whole pink lighter biz, you do know that historically, red and all shades of it, including pink, were reserved specifically and only for boys and men, right? Traditionally, those have been masculine colours. Blue was assigned to girls and women, what with it being more airy and ethereal, like those lady brains. ;D

    Nutmeg:

    Today, the girl woman I’m dating referred to my chestwaders (for fieldwork) as “sexy fishing trousers”. That is the awesomest phrase I’ve heard in a while and I will be using it at every opportunity.

    Oooh, she sounds wonderful!

  310. 310
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Hello, everybody!
    I’m rather [Lounge]rupt, so here’s a pile of hugs, baby snuggles, and purring hell beastscats to be applied as needed.

    Life is pretty good at the moment (albeit a little lonely†). The Darkling is changing and growing by the day– just last week she started grabbing toys/people/cats on purpose. It’s incredible to see that happen for the first time.

    If I haven’t mentioned it, my Asshole Sister had her baby in December and both she and my niece are doing just fine. It’s weird ‘cos she’s back to her baseline assholishness‡ and our relationship is back to normal. What’s even weirder is that instead of giving me useless and unwanted advice, she’s asking me for help, which she has never done before.

    So yeah. How’re you guys?

    †I have plenty of friends and family that I see/talk to regularly, but I miss the diversity of interaction that I got at work. Even so, fuck that job.

    ‡My sister has always been an asshole, but she really ramped it up to 11 during our pregnancies.

  311. 311
    Inaji

    Hallo, Audley! *have a ferocious pouncehug* Glad to hear you’re okay and everything’s right with the world, including asshole sister still being an asshole. Some people.

  312. 312
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Less of an asshole though, Caine. ;)

  313. 313
    Inaji

    Audley:

    Less of an asshole though, Caine. ;)

    That’s a good thing. I’ll just hope it doesn’t ramp back up when the sproglets get a bit older.

  314. 314
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    “sexy fishing trousers” is my favorite phrase of the new year! Thanks Nutmeg, I’m totally stealing that.

  315. 315
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Life is pretty good at the moment (albeit a little lonely†). The Darkling is changing and growing by the day– just last week she started grabbing toys/people/cats on purpose. It’s incredible to see that happen for the first time.

    Mine swiped a peanut butter cup yesterday while she was getting a sucker out of a bag with leftover candy in it. Just tucked it cleverly and surreptitiously into her fist and then grabbed the offered sucker. I let her know I noticed, but let her have it. It’s actually kind of amazing that she can do that now.

  316. 316
    Inaji

    Aaaaaaaaand, all you’ve really missed lately is one massive wave of stupid. Holy Rats, some of the people we’ve had lately…there’s Douglas (you can see *some* of his stuff in TDome), the vague annoyance who is uber proud of being a top commenter at yootube; the assorted sexhattery and sliminess of many in the Natalie Reed is leaving thread and the monumental NYT rape happens ’cause not enough women thread, where first, Bill Openthalt argued rape is nature, not culture, because procreation and then Paul W went off the rails with an attempt to deconstruct rape apologetics.

  317. 317
    chigau (違う)

    Audley
    hugshugshugs

    Azkyroth #315
    Encourage this!
    She could be the next Criss Angel.
    (or whoever is current)

  318. 318
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Caine:
    I’ve caught some of the current crop of bozos, but I just don’t have the patience to even read all of their shit, let alone comment on it. Hell, I’ve been out of intestinal fortitude since Elevatorgate.

    Chigau:
    ♥♥♥!

  319. 319
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Audley:
    I misses me some Audley.
    Glad to hear things are good on the DarkInfant front.
    One day when I get Internet active at home, I’m going to try and participate on PET more.

  320. 320
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Tony:
    There are tons of babby pictures! And occasionally some video. :)

  321. 321
    carlie

    Hi Audley! Yay for DarkBaby and you doing well, and things with the sister getting back to normal (for what that’s worth, at least it’s familiar?)

    All my classes start tomorrow and OMG I’m not even ready and I have to lecture for four hours oh no

    Also child 1 gave himself a concussion two weeks ago falling on his own shoes that were left squarely in the middle of the stair landing, which is still pretty bad and we had a set of cognitive and balance tests today with a sports medicine dr. that mostly ended in a series of failures and near-failures (took over 30 seconds to spell “world” backwards), but there is apparently no “structural damage” to the brain which is good, and we’re trying to figure out how to get him through this and heal while dealing with the fact that it’s midterms this week and he’s in the musical next month argh. But I can’t complain, the school has done everything possible to accommodate him so far without any problems.

    Wait, I also have to have nice clothes to wear for tomorrow? Argh argh argh

  322. 322
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Nutmeg:
    I can’t remember if I expressed my elation that you have a woman to date, so here, have a giant elation filled hug or two!

  323. 323
    billingtondev

    chigau @308

    Thanks for the grog.
    Am gonna need it – I knew I was gonna have to confront my lamentable lack of tech ability/knowledge…

    so…glug glug glug…

    ok – here I go…

    Have some grog.

    Ha! I previewed it – and it worked! Yay!
    Cool. Thanks.
    Have some grog.
    glug glug
    Have some grog.
    glug
    Fuuun! Shood proly shtop now tho…;-)

    Oh – and how do you get para breaks? Like I hit ‘enter’ twice – but it doesn’t seem to make a para break – just a new line…?

  324. 324
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Carlie,
    Hello!

    Asshole Sister’s baseline assholery doesn’t bother me. In fact, I didn’t even realize that she was an asshole ’til a couple of years ago ‘cos it was always so normal to me.

  325. 325
    cicely

    Caine: what Tony said.

    Also true of you yourself, Tony!
    :)
    -

    A cryptologist might like getting their teeth into something like that.

    Given the topic in question, it might have the makings of a Major Scholarly Work.
    -
    *furtively eyeing Nutmeg’s (and Tony’s) chewy gingersnaps*
    -
    Audley!
    *pouncehug*
    and a gentler *pouncehug* for the DarkSpawn.
    -
    billingtondev: Line breaks are
    & n b s p ;
    only without the spaces.
    -

  326. 326
    chigau (違う)

    billingtondev #323
    Well done, grasshopper.
    &nbsp;
    is supposed to give extra spaces but I can’t make it work.
    Maybe someone else can jump in…

  327. 327
    Inaji

    Oh – and how do you get para breaks?

    Paragraph breaks show up, just not in preview.

  328. 328
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Uh, my recollection was that line breaks are <br> and &nbsp; was an actual space. Insofar as I’m pretty sure it stands for Non-Breaking SPace..

  329. 329
    chigau (違う)

    We™ must discuss “Preview” with the OverLord.
    What ever became of WYSIWYG?

  330. 330
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    katenrala @148:
    I cannot express my sympathy enough. I wish a bunch of us could meet up with you and all go have a good time somewhere fun. I’m glad you opted not to use your guns or pills, as you have a unique, passionate voice that I would hate to see silenced.

  331. 331
    chigau (違う)

    some words   some more words    and more

    some words  

    some more words  
    —-
      and more
    —–
    If you do not put an actual return/enter after the &nbsp;
    it does not work
    (on my current browser)

  332. 332
    billingtondev

    Oh gosh – hitting enter twice just seems so much easier.
    Never mind – I’ll just get a wee notebook.
     
    Practice will make better

  333. 333
    Inaji

    Chigau, nbsp works perfectly between two lines, no extra return spaces:

    Sentence
    nbsp
    Sentence

    *

    Sentence
     
    Sentence

  334. 334
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    chigau:
    How do we get the attention of the Overlord? He doesn’t venture here much.
    I think he’s scared…
    (that’ll do it)

  335. 335
    Inaji

    Tony:

    as you have a unique, passionate voice that I would hate to see silenced.

    We all would do well to cherish that wonderful voice while we have it. Katenrala’s cancer is terminal.

  336. 336
    Inaji

    Tony:

    How do we get the attention of the Overlord?

    E-mail. Addy is on the sidebar. PZ is aware of the problems, but he doesn’t get to whip the tech monkeys personally, at least I don’t think so. Stuff will get fixed, eventually.

  337. 337
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    or maybe if someone channels squiller or abear or noelplum99…yeah, that will do it.

  338. 338
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Caine:
    FtB has tech monkeys?
    I thought Jason T was the go to guy for the network.

  339. 339
    Nutmeg

    Caine: Thanks for the correction on girl vs. woman. I know that, intellectually, but I often find myself referring to women my age as girls.

    I hadn’t really thought about why, until now. I think it’s because I feel reluctant to think of myself as a grown woman. Partly because I’m still getting started in life, and partly because being referred to as a woman has often (in my experience) been patronizing or false-sexy or skeevy in ways I can’t quite describe. And that makes me want to reject the word entirely so that people can’t use it against me.

    But my own issues with the word are no reason to fail to apply it properly. So thanks for giving me an opportunity to think that through more clearly.

    And yes, L. is fairly awesome. It’s early days still, but I’m thoroughly enjoying getting to know her.

    ***

    Also, *chewy gingersnaps for all!*

  340. 340
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Cicely:
    *pouncehug!* right back atcha. ♥

  341. 341
    Inaji

    Nutmeg:

    partly because being referred to as a woman has often (in my experience) been patronizing or false-sexy or skeevy in ways I can’t quite describe. And that makes me want to reject the word entirely so that people can’t use it against me.

    Which, in turn, has been an excellent way to keep you infantilized, by getting you to do it to yourself.

  342. 342
    ednaz

    Hello All!

    German Chocolate cake with pecan and coconut topping and swirled inside also for everyone!! And as many hugs as you can stand!
    -

    FossilFishy, Thank You for sharing pictures of your House. : ) It’s so exciting for someone like me who one day dreams of having a house.
    May any and all fires die out (or be put out) quickly. I am sorry Mrs. FossilFishy is anxious. May all her worries be for naught. <3
    -

    Tony, Your kindness and the way you take time to help others learn are just a few of your very great qualities. Good for You! And lucky for Us! : )
    -

    AudleyZ, It is so great to read your update. Will have to check your blog for new Darkling pictures. (squee)

    It’s weird ‘cos she’s back to her baseline assholishness‡ and our relationship is back to normal. What’s even weirder is that instead of giving me useless and unwanted advice, she’s asking me for help, which she has never done before.

    How can she do both?? Do you find yourself shaking your head alot?

  343. 343
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Kinda threadrupt, and I apologize for not keeping up. *hugs & other comfies* available for those who need or want them.

    I survived a dental checkup today. I will now be in the corner having a sensory meltdown.

  344. 344
    Nutmeg

    Caine:

    Which, in turn, has been an excellent way to keep you infantilized, by getting you to do it to yourself.

    Yes, exactly! I was trying to get there but I’m tired tonight and words aren’t working for me.

  345. 345
    chigau (違う)

    Caine
    I think there may be browser/OS issues.
    If I do &nbsp
     there is no para/return before the next words.
    If I do &nbsp and the hit the para/return I get a line break.
    words words words wordswordswords
    words words words
     

    wordswordswords
    —-
    great
    now I have discovered that the allpowerful &nbsp; needs a para/return before and after
    ——-
    apologies to all
    I am posting the above mess because I want to see how it looks in ‘view source code’
    sorry

  346. 346
    ednaz

    Aargh. Failed blockquote.
    -

    Must. Press. On.

  347. 347
    cicely

    I survived a dental checkup today. I will now be in the corner having a sensory meltdown.

    *hugs* and *catnip*
     
    I need to stop stalling and set up an appointment for myself. I suspect that my last jaw molar is considering Going Over To The Dark Side.
     
    Something about “cookies”.
    -

  348. 348
    chigau (違う)

    OK
    I’m really sorry.
    I learned nothing.

  349. 349
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    ednaz, cicely, Caine, opposablethumbs:
    Thank you all for the kind words.

  350. 350
    dontpanic

    squiller was infuriating, as was carr.

    katenrala, my deepest sympathy for your situation.

    Tony, your story also brought tears … but of a different type. THANK YOU.

    I’m probably going through a bout of depression (which you all have probably helped me to identify; though a lot of what I’m reading here (not here, here, but out there FtB here) is not helping).
    Tony’s story gave me enough of a boost to get up and start dinner (meatloaf, nothing fancy). Maybe I’ll even eat some, though as I write this the perennial nausea and fatigue are back, so perhaps not. At least there will be something for the 15yr old. Hmm, I guess I could have pawned off the garlic-mustard-lime-cilantro-butter salmon left over from the other night; I didn’t eat that either but the spawn wolfed it down with gusto. Wonder what vegetable I should get him to eat. I see a dish of snap pea tips and an empty bag on the counter (sorry, pea haters but uncooked peas are good), so maybe I don’t need worry about that.

    Preview … I blame CSS Stylesheets. I’ve given up on preview, tuyops be damned.

  351. 351
    ednaz

    chigau (無味ない)
    I have been saving your words of wisdom. Thank You! (I still need more practice. : p )
    -

    If you feel so inclined, could you tell where I can find instructions to leave a link for a video without it embedding? (Is that a word?)
    -

    I left some rum for you in the cupboard. : )

  352. 352
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

    Just came home from the dentist. They couldn’t see me tonight, told me to come back tomorrow. That’s fine. I was still feeling okay about it. At least I could go and can go back to wait as long as I need too.

    No, the utterly depressing part comes when Roomie calls me from work. He was late due to the stupid fucking bus being off schedule. He has to take two so one late bus leads to taking the later next bus. Apparently if he’s late or sick again he’s going to get fired. He called to vent and to tell me I need to get a job because he needs help. I want to help, I don’t have a problem with that. It’s just SO depressing and frustrating after so many, many months of trying to find a job and strike the fuck out. I feel like dirt and I’m worried and stressed and it’s all my fault. And oh my god, why is every good little thing followed by a whole shit ton of bad stuff?!?! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    I’m getting drunk tonight and will deal with shit tomorrow. Fuck it.

  353. 353
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Cardinal Roger M. Mahony, for more than 25 years the savvy shepherd of the Roman Catholic Church in Los Angeles, retired nearly two years ago to a renovated yellow house behind his childhood parish, pledging to stay in the spotlight by continuing to fight for the rights of immigrants.
    Enlarge This Image
    Pool photo by Al Seib

    Cardinal Roger M. Mahony ordered one cleric not to return to California from a treatment center, the files show.
    Related

    Los Angeles Cardinal Hid Abuse, Files Show (January 22, 2013)

    National Twitter Logo.
    Connect With Us on Twitter

    Follow @NYTNational for breaking news and headlines.

    Twitter List: Reporters and Editors

    But the cardinal now finds himself in a most unwelcome spotlight, one that he sought for years to avoid. Internal church personnel files released this week as part of a civil court case reveal that he and his top adviser knowingly shielded priests accused of child sexual abuse from law enforcement. In one letter, the cardinal ordered a clergyman to stay in New Mexico, where he had been sent for treatment, to avoid the possibility of being reported to the police in California.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/23/us/mahony-shielded-abusive-priests-documents-show.html?_r=0
    Look, more Catholic cover ups!

  354. 354
    Inaji

    So, Tony…is C dateable?

  355. 355
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    dontpanic:
    I’m glad I was able to assist you in some fashion.
    That salmon you spoke of sounds absolutely fabulous.

    I *love* salmon.
    Especially when it is grilled, with the skin on.

  356. 356
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Caine:
    I am not attracted to C. He is a nice guy and I certainly enjoyed our conversation, but friends it is. Which is more than fine by me :)

  357. 357
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    JAL:
    Super duper hugs!

  358. 358
    ednaz

    katenrala, Please add me to the list of people who would love to read your essay. : )
    -
    And I would gladly rough up anyone…ahem… I mean I would never (anytime!) do such a thing to anyone who irks you.
    -
    *The previous sentence contains an attempt at humor.*

  359. 359
    ednaz

    IJoe, Are you around? I want to apologize for my delayed response last night. I thought you had turned in. I will get the hang of this, I promise! : )

    -

    JAL, Sending *hugs* your way.

  360. 360
    mythbri

    Threadrupt to bring you a recipe that I made for the first time tonight:

    Made something new for dinner tonight. It’s a Moroccan dish called Harira, and it’s a type of soup that Muslims in that region traditionally break their Ramadan fast with. And I can see why, because it tastes amazing! It smells wonderful, too – very fragrant, in a good way. Here’s the recipe:

    1 lb. lamb meat, cubed (I used ground chicken and it was great)
    1 tsp. ground turmeric
    1 1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
    1 1/2 tsp. salt
    1 tsp. ground cinnamon
    1/4 tsp. ground ginger
    1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
    3/4 c. celery, chopped
    1 white onion, chopped
    1/2 c. fresh cilantro, chopped
    1 can (29 oz.) tomato sauce
    7 c. water
    3/4 c. lentils
    1 can (15 oz.) garbanzo beans
    4 oz. vermicelli pasta
    2 eggs, beaten
    1 lemon, juiced

    1. Place the lamb, turmeric, black pepper, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cayenne, celery, onion, and cilantro into large soup pot over low heat. Stir frequently for 5 min. Pour half of the tomato sauce into the mixture and let simmer for 15 min.

    2. Pour the rest of the tomato sauce, 7 c. water, and lentils* into the pot. Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 2 hours.

    3. About 10 min. before serving, turn the heat to medium-high, place garbanzo beans (drained) and vermicelli pasta into the soup and let cook for about 10 min. Stir in lemon juice and beaten eggs, and let cook for at least 1 minute.

    *I soaked the lentils overnight in water and cut the simmer time in half – if you plan ahead, it won’t take nearly so long to cook.

    Season with salt, pepper, mint leaves and cinnamon to taste.

    Linky for a picture: http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18cc6t9k4lltqjpg/cmt-medium.jpg

  361. 361
    chigau (違う)

    ednaz
    <a href=”put your video address here”>put your clever name for the link here</a>
    you may need to tinker with the quotes ”
    they gets weird sometimes
    but it usually shows in Preview

  362. 362
    ednaz

    Thank You so much, chigau!

    How as your day?

  363. 363
    katenrala

    @ 235 opposablethumbs

    The most important thing is to never center yourself in your friend’s experience or make things about you. For example don’t give medical advice “because you care about them,” that’s turning your friend’s health and well-being from something that benefits them into something that benefits you, and if they are like me, they will resent you for that. I think it’s best to never offer an ill person medical advice as they are the experts in their disease and they have doctors and trusted close ones to handle that.

    Showing concern is tricky and messy, I think the best thing is to not show concern beyond asking how they are doing and asking a few basic questions like how they are coming along with the chemo, asking them about the hospital if they are staying in one and asking about whether or not they like their nurses should be fine Let them know that they come to you anytime they need to, but don’t always remind them of that because it seems like prying. If they ever come at you with a lot of complaints about stuff or are depressed or both, just be patient and listen, try not to provide advice unless they want it, them venting is what is probably what they need to do. Do give them your sympathy and empathy during the times they are overwhelmed though, just no advice unless they ask, and don’t try to make the conversation “constructive” as if a problem needs to be solved, save that for later and tentatively ask them if they need help about what they vented about another day but be careful about the way you ask, don’t be forceful, make it sound as if you are asking about a small thing and let them take your offer if they want it.

    Be honest with your friend. Offering false hope or acting or talking as if everything is going to be all better and fine when they know it may not be is insulting. My Father doesn’t seem to understand that I’m terminal and dying soon and what that means, so when he speaks with me and talks to me as if I’m going to get healthy again from my current treatments, treatments that are just to make me more comfortable, the things he says feel really disingenuous to me and insulting to my intelligence as if I’m in need of protection from reality. When I spoke with other cancer patients on the cancer ward as I was asked to help play councilor with people facing similar situations that I already went through (like an amputation) I ended the conversations by wishing them well and wishing them good luck, they seemed to like that as much as I, because as there are no guarantees on getting better, luck seemed to matter more to me and those I spoke with.

    Do not joke with your friend about their situation. They may present you deeply black and dark jokes that might even shock you, but that’s them trying to cope. It isn’t an invitation for you to joke with them about the same things, just keep humor limited to things you may have joked about in the past but do try to avoid any jokes with health or healthcare component.

    If your friend starts acting differently that’s okay and go along with it as naturally as you can, they, like I did, will be dealing with their new identity as a patient, and/or as disabled depending on what their treatment calls for, especially if they need to get an amputation. If they are irritable and short and easy to anger, just remember that they are under a lot of stress; have a lot on their mind; may wind up with a chronic pain condition after all the pain they will be in with the cancer; and be aware that whatever grumpiness you encounter is most likely not about you, you’re just witnessing them on a bad day or at a time when they don’t have the energy to put up the usual sociableness healthy people are expected to put up and maintain.

    Of course your friend isn’t me so you’ll have to take their personality into account. I hope that helps a bit.

  364. 364
    chigau (違う)

    ednaz
    I’m at the end of a cold so
    *hack*
    *spit*
    *hack*
    *snort*
    How was your day?

  365. 365
    chigau (違う)

    katenrala
    Thank you so much for your comments.

  366. 366
    Inaji

    Katenrala:

    I hope that helps a bit.

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but it helped me a lot. I copied your post and tucked it away. Thank you.

  367. 367
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    Audley – *pouncehug*

    JAL – *hugs*

    Katenrala – Thank you. Your post helped me too.

    Caine – *pouncehug*

  368. 368
    dontpanic

    I *love* salmon. Especially when it is grilled, with the skin on.

    Oh, just for reference: grey poupon and/or spicy brown mustard. About equal parts of all the ingredients.

    For years this is how I’ve done it. Alas, not recently (1) it’s 9F out [I never grill below 20F] (2) the gas grill (I know, I’m not a purist) burners are kaput [and the manufactures make them near impossible to replace] and (3) the back porch is leaning at a 40deg angle since mid-Nov, when we discovered after 10yr that the previous owners didn’t build to code. It’s supported mid-point underneath by the dog house [which the dog never used]; if it had fallen straight down, I’d know how to dismantle it without killing myself, as it is …

  369. 369
    ednaz

    Holy Smokes, chigau! I hope you are covered up with blankets with plenty of rum handy. <3

    It is 10 degrees here. That's BRISK, baby! Is it colder there?

  370. 370
    JAL: Snark, Sarcasm & Bitterness

    Thanks everyone. I just kept thinking those depressive thoughts and that heavy weight on me feeling and my head felt all swollen and hot. Then I vented here and was able to go get some guilty pleasures.

    Ah, much better with a Rum & Coke and a plate of think, creamy baked mac ‘n cheese. There’s chocolate cream pie waiting for me when I’m done.

    *drool*

    Then to bed with a book and more alcohol. Fuck wallowing, worrying and insomnia tonight.

  371. 371
    chigau (違う)

    ednaz
    I haz rum.
    They say it’s -13°C out there.
    (hey! that’s almost the same as 10°F)
    But I’m not out there.
    I’m in here.
    With a kitteh on my lap.
    and heading for sleep

  372. 372
    Inaji

    JAL:

    Fuck wallowing, worrying and insomnia tonight.

    Got that right. Wallowing, worrying and not sleeping do not help anyway, so fuck ‘em all.

  373. 373
    ednaz

    katenrala, Thank You so much for your comments. I will save them. <3

  374. 374
    ednaz

    Well, chigau, I don’t think you can do any better than that. : ) Pleasant sleep.

  375. 375
    ednaz

    Pleasant sleep for you, too, JAL. : )

  376. 376
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Thank you katenrala.

    Sending all the good booze to JAL

  377. 377
    katenrala

    @330 Tony the Super-Duper Queer Shoop

    You made me cry. Rarely have I had something so nice said to me.

    Thank you very much.

  378. 378
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    JAL
    Big *hugs* and USBooze.

  379. 379
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Good morning
    Yes, I went to bed finally and then I couldn’t sleep because I was cold.
    OMG, #1 just uttered the words “Valentine’s Day”
    Who taught her about that?

    Tony
    Sounds like a good day.
    Also I’m going to make arroz con frijoles tonight.

  380. 380
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Joy.

    I have no idea what the clinical definition is for that.

    But I do know what it is for me.

    This morning I was woken early. I don’t do mornings well as a rule, and the intermittent banging that rattled me from my sleep was annoying in the extreme. But then one by one the rest of my brain’s disparate pieces ground into gear and up I jumped. Er, well, up I slumped would be more accurate. I opened the curtains to see walls. Walls! The banging was the sound of our nigh-on mythical house being born in an unexpected flurry of hammers and cranes.

    Joy.

    But that’s a big joy, an uncommon joy from an uncommon source. As I sat down on the bed I noticed a spot on my leg, a new spot, a perfectly round spot. And up came the faux doctor from his dank hindbrain office. The one who diagnoses every twitch and twinge as fatal. He’s a bad doctor, so wrong so often. And so spectacularly bad in his bedside manner, what with the constant predictions of eyeball hemorrhaging, screamingly agonising demise. Melanoma, what else could it be?

    A quick change of glasses and oh, it’s a sequin. How the hell? A hazard of cohabitating with a 5 year old girl who’s been subsumed by the kinder culture of fairies and glitter I suspect.

    Joy.

    An tiny unlooked for happiness it was, that reminder of my sparkly little girl in a moment of sudden worry.

    Little joys are the thing. Sure it’s fantastic to see progress on our house after so much waiting, but those big joys come round so rarely that one could starve waiting for them. But the little ones, they’re all around us all the time, should we be lucky enough to have a brain which allows us to see them.

    My daughter telling me how the truck driver waved her and her playdate friend over when he noticed them watching the unloading of the roof trusses was one. The way her face lit up as she told of getting to sound the truck’s air-horn and how the unexpected blat made everyone jump: a tiny popcorn of joy.

    Mrs Fishy saying, “You know, I’d be okay with etching train tracks on the floor in the lounge room.” out of the blue with nary a mention of my now tedious Ghost Train Villa monetization idea for the new house.

    Pop.

    On my ride to work: a flock of Sulfur Crested Cockatoos bursting into the air, impossibly white against the smoky sky, just at the moment the song in my headphones slams into the chorus.

    Pop.

    Just as one kernel of popcorn makes a poor snack, those tiny pops of joy do little to sustain us. They’re too brief, too mild to stick with us through the bad times. We need to collate, aggregate and celebrate all those little instances of joy. Hell, even conflating and outright misappropriating them is fine, for where is the harm in a little second hand joy? It’s an infinite resource after all.

    In this we do not have to be rational.

    In this we do not have to be accurate and precise and scientific.

    In this, and perhaps this alone, the subjective is enough, and more than enough.

    Grabbing up all the joy that comes our way with greedy hands, no matter how small and piffling it may be, is no cause for guilt.

    Mashing it all together and filling our bellies to ‘til they can contain no more is not gluttony.

    It’s a survival strategy.

    Joy.

    May you always be sleek and fat and full to bursting with it.

  381. 381
    Inaji

    Oh, Chester & Theo are on the bed with me, continually distracting me from my book. They race up and down the bed, jump up on my shoulders, then down, waiting on me to play…scritchy fingers are coming to get you! I chase with the scritchy fingers, get them, they roll over and grab my fingers while getting belly scritches, then they leap up, Chester dives under the covers to be chased by scritchy fingers while Theo pounces on scritchy fingers from on top of the covers. Lather, rinse, repeat. They are my clown princes and they make me laugh and love life.

    X-posted.

  382. 382
    billingtondev

    Joy:
    Reading a peice by someone who knows how to write and has somethething worthwhile to say.
    Thankyou Mr Fishy.
     
    From melanoma to Sparkle – Oh My.

  383. 383
    Inaji

    I’ve reached the 1960s in Manhood in America. Esteleth, be sure to share your thoughts, please, as you read, I’m curious about your take on all kinds of things.

  384. 384
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Caine
    Sounds a lot like my kids (well, the ratties, not manhood in Amercia, obviously).
    But for some reason I don’t understand it’s generall frowned upon for me to lock them in their cage when I’ve had enough of them…
    The equivalent games would be “Lion-family” (all hide under the blankets while one person is the lion who will eat them up) or “Cavetroll” (You call somebody a cavetroll and then that person tickles you. This leads to phrases like “Can you please call me a cavetroll because I want to tickle you!”)

  385. 385
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Damn, damn, damn, where is that wonderful article I read some days ago about the relationship between incitement in the media and some lone wolf or other snapping. It would be really handy now. Should have bookmarked it.

  386. 386
    Inaji

    Godsdamnit, 4 am and I am shaking with anger. Fucking assclams stuffed with smegmarmalade smeared privilege, handwaving us into irrelevance.

  387. 387
    Inaji

    Giliell:

    But for some reason I don’t understand it’s generall frowned upon for me to lock them in their cage when I’ve had enough of them…

    Pity, ennit? :D Well, in fairness, the ratties don’t get locked up either. Lion-family and Cavetroll sound similar enough to games the rats love to play. They are dangerous when they’re after my toes, though, eeesh, they bite hard.

  388. 388
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Cain
    Oh yeah. It’s all much Ado about Nothing, isn’t it. Sheeesh, don’t feed the trolls, you’re just begging for attention…


    Also, I have started to flood my own e-mail account with horrible tweets from horrible people.
    Why? are you asking.
    I think I had a brilliant idea on how to combine my research interests on othering and postcolonialism in language with the literature AND my lecturer’s interest in corpus analysis* especially in new media:
    Shaming people for not having a native-speaker accent/English on twitter.
    Sadly it’s very easy to get the data…

    *That means collections of language/texts. No dead people involved.

  389. 389
    Inaji

    Giliell:

    Shaming people for not having a native-speaker accent/English on twitter.
    Sadly it’s very easy to get the data…

    Oh Christ. I do not envy what you’re getting. At all.

  390. 390
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Ednaz:
    No current updates on my blog. I’ll post some pics when I get to mu phone. :)

    Hekunicat:
    ¡♥!

  391. 391
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Audley
    Yes please, wanna pictures!!!

    Caine
    Oh, personally I could play linguistic chill girl. I have a nice English accent which immediately gives me an aura of competence. Hey, and it took me only about 10 years to learn that, so why can’t you?
    What I’m trying to reproduce are the results of Jennifer Jenkins who interviewed non-native English speakers and works on language and identity. She found out that people rate accents according to how close they’re to English, so European accents get much better “marks” than non-European. Scanning Twitter for like 10 minutes seems to confirm this (German English is more “adorable” or even “sexy” while Indian English is seen as inferior, not really English (unintelligible), just for comic relief.).
    Need to check with the lecturer on Thursday.

  392. 392
    Inaji

    All that anger! Such a shock! Lions and Tigers and Invisible Pixels, oh my!

    Oy.

  393. 393
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Thanks for the kind words billingtondev, and welcome to The Lounge.

    I would like to point out that despite my story containing a Mrs. Fishy I could very well be another Mrs. Fishy. When in doubt the practice here is to assume nothing about gender and use neutral pronouns unless the person about whom you’re referring has stated their gender identity.

    All that said, in this case you got it right, and being a cis male in a world set up for cis males it’s pretty damn easy for me to shrug the assumption off.

  394. 394
    Inaji

    FossilFishy, it would be more accurate for you to say you’re het cis. (hetero cisgender.)

    In case anyone needs help with cisgender, the pfft can help: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Cisgender

  395. 395
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    In case anyone needs help with cisgender, the pfft can help: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Cisgender

    Hehe, you could see the shock, I tell you, shock in the faces of the innocent students yesterday when the term cis was introduced.
    Somebody had labelled them, would you believe, threating them like just a variety instead of the default!
    I just hope they learned…

  396. 396
    Inaji

    Giliell:

    Somebody had labelled them, would you believe, threating them like just a variety instead of the default!

    Oh, the horror! Heh.

  397. 397
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Giliell,

    I’m now wondering whether Eastern European English accents are seen as inferior to Western. If the difference is noticeable to non-linguists at all. (I’m imagining Bulgarian vs. German, for example)

  398. 398
    Parrowing

    Giliell:

    Hehe, you could see the shock, I tell you, shock in the faces of the innocent students yesterday when the term cis was introduced.
    Somebody had labelled them, would you believe, threating them like just a variety instead of the default!
    I just hope they learned…

    It always amazes me, though it shouldn’t, when cis people object to being labelled. “I didn’t ask for that label!” they often say. Really? Funny about that, because neither did trans* people…

    *

    birgerjohansson:

    Also, an example of travelling back to the 1950s *without* the nasty little things conservatives forget when they go all nostalgic

    The little town I live in has a day called “cruising”, when the raggare drive around slowly (and sometimes drunk) to show off their 1950s American cars and generally disturb anyone else who wants to get around by car. You can see their little American flags hanging from their rearview mirrors. And also sometimes their Confederate flags. That was certainly a shock, the first time I saw that. I will not miss them when I move.

  399. 399
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Dammit, of course hetero makes much more sense in that context. Thanks Caine.

    In other news: holy fuck it’s a house!

  400. 400
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Beatrice
    Well, to me the difference between a German accent and a Bulgarian one is quite noticable. (Mainly in the pronounciation of the Rs, Vs and Ws) Eastern European accents get rated quite badly, the described “sound” of the always matching quite stereotypically with the images about those people. So Russian Englis is too hard, too much soldier-like…

  401. 401
    Parrowing

    FossilFishy:

    holy fuck it’s a house!

    Wow, the builders are fast!

  402. 402
    Inaji

    Giliell:

    Eastern European accents get rated quite badly, the described “sound” of the always matching quite stereotypically with the images about those people.

    Interesting. One of my great-grandmothers was from Croatia. Her English was very fluent, but she did have a heavy accent, which was a bit fluid as she spoke 9 languages. I remember people treating her like she was an idiot when I’d be out shopping and running errands with her. They’d always look at *me* and talk to *me*. She’d cuss them out in Russian.

  403. 403
    FossilFishy (NOBODY, and proud of it!)

    Parrowing, the walls and roof trusses came pre-built. But even so it was rather shocking. My story up thread was true, all of it btw, but that’s not germane here. I woke up at around 7am to the sound of hammers, by 7:30 I looked outside and all the walls were in place. I gather they spent a few more hours fixing them down and to each other before lofting the trusses. Crazy.

    I’m sorry to all the folk who expressed concern and good wishes about our fire worries. I should have said thank you sooner.

    Things are still okay here. The winds have been kind, light and mostly blowing the fire away from us. Mrs Fishy’s grandmother is still in place as the fire is moving away from her too. Even my uncle-in-law is still in his home, despite that fire apparently starting behind his property. Me, I’d be outta there so fast that the friction of my passing would make backburning unnecessary. But he has the “She’ll be right, mate.” Aussie thing in spades and no-one in the family is even bothering to try to get him to leave. And to be fair, he hasn’t been passive. There’s been a great knocking down of trees and such like around his home.

    Anyway, so much depends on the random chance of the weather that fire season is like farming. You do your best and then wait and hope that all the things so beyond our control work out just right. A few more years of this and I might just learn how to only worry about things I can affect. Or not.

  404. 404
    rq

    Parachuting in for a moment because no one is breathing down my neck and nobody can see me type this, so I’m safe for the moment. … I suppose that’s only a little bit of a joke, but anyways.

    Item #1: Greetings, *hugs* as wanted/required/demanded, choice of drinks (non-/alcoholic, as preferred), congratulations, commiserations and anger-on-behalf-of where required (I’ve been keeping up a bit with both the good news and the bad).

    Item #2: FossilFishy, you might still win the house race. Considering you already have a near-roof up, while our process has been going lento with some allargando lately (large banks + extant legislation governing families with several children = it’s better not to have kids if you want to buy a house, ya know), but we’re determined to see it through, and all that mysterious cash we’re supposed to randomly come up with (depending on our options) will somehow appear at the right time in the right account and we will get our key(s). And roses. Congratulations on having more than a concrete block! :)

    Item #3: The Pharyngula Commune. Yes, it is old news, but the information has been collected and .pdf’ed, and now I don’t know what to do with it. I would like to post it (on the Pharyngula Wiki?) but unfortunately, my small explorations in the matter have come to nought. Alright, I admit, I’ve been a bit stressed the past couple of weeks and haven’t managed. So, is there someone in charge/someone knowledgeable about getting information online to whom I could pass on the information? Anyone else who would like to see the wonderful list that is a great plan for the End of the World can email me at taarpinsh (a) hot mail (point) com. Take out spaces and substitute appropriate symbols.

    Item #4: Other things. I may not be here, but all of you are certainly with me. I have followed a few threads (rape apologetics, too), and I extend extra hugs and sincere admiration for those of you speaking out and speaking loudly and speaking emotionally and rationally all at once. I have to admit, I had a victim-blaming epiphany only a couple of months ago, and now so many arguments you all* make are making much more sense than they ever did before. I stand silently but I stand behind you all, and I learn so much from you.

    *all = Caine, Pteryxx, carlie, Ogvorbis, Cerberus (should that be Cerebrus? /snark), JAL, Jadehawk and a slew of others I cannot remember off the top of my head but are 100% more than deserving of being mentioned and acknowledged.

    Item #5: The Horde. As mentioned above, I am not with you, but you are with me (creepy, I know). During some current issues, I have often had the thought, I need the Horde for this, which is followed quickly by What would the Horde do/say?. And I know you are not a groupthinktank, but usually I’ve at least managed to calm the nerves and have some thought about what is currently happening and whether I’m justified in feeling blindsided by Husband’s unwillingness to consider or anger in reacting to an emotional situation of mine. One of these days it’ll be a long emotio-historical tirade from me, and then you’ll all also know that I make bad decisions, too. You all help more than you know, in invisible ways, not just visible ones.
    And it’s also a reason why, while I might not like re-lurking, I can handle it, because I know I can always come back. And that’s a lot – it’s a lot easier to wander off from somewhere if you know you can come back (for me, personally, at least). It means a lot.

    Item #6: Esteleth, I owe you mail, and it’s in the works, and I’m sorry it’s running (mailing?) late, but it’ll get to you, promise!

    Item #7: Accents. Russian accents are deep and guttural, even in English. They speak through their throats. And I can immediately tell them apart from the Latvian accents, which tend to speak through the front of the mouth and do not distinguish between initial v/w (while having a very distinct v in Latvian itself). Estonian and Finnish accents are ‘clean’-sounding, and a reason why, even though I don’t speak Russian, I can immediately tell if the speaker is Estonian. :) (Also, Latvian-Russians can be distinguished from Russian-Russians via Russian accent, even without knowing the language. Weird.)

    With that, I hook up the hang-glider, catch an updraft, and I’m out again. Best to you all, thank you for all your support and words and everything else, more than I have room in my heart to say!

  405. 405
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    rq!!!
    *hugs*
    pop in whenever you can

    (haven’t read the comment, will read at home)

  406. 406
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    rq:
    Lovely to hear from you. I hope your situation changes at some point so that you de-lurk again, but til then, best wishes.
    (I would love to see what you have come up with for the Commune, though I lack the savvy in tech related matters to be of assistance)

  407. 407
    Inaji

    rq:

    I’ve at least managed to calm the nerves and have some thought about what is currently happening and whether I’m justified in feeling blindsided by Husband’s unwillingness to consider or anger in reacting to an emotional situation of mine.

    Just don’t be defaulting to the “oh, he’s right, I’m being silly” or “of course I’m wrong, I’m just not being _____” crap. No matter how difficult, think it through, all the way. Be sure there aren’t control issues happening. Be sure there’s no manipulation happening. On either side. Take care of yourself and be safe.

    Mister and I had a brief dustup tonight – I was very upset (and had a damn good reason to be), he came in to apologize and I stopped him and told him I didn’t want to talk, because if I did, I’d start yelling, then I’d lash out because I was fucking angry. He told me he understood, I said I didn’t think he did, he said yes, he did, that I felt like a 2nd class citizen…and I interrupted and said yes, I do, thanks, I don’t want to talk right now, we both said “I love you” and went to our separate corners until we settled down.

    Things can be tough to sort when you’re emotional, a little distance helps. But be sure of what’s really going on – being emotional is nothing to be ashamed of and your partner should know and understand that and not be angry about it.

  408. 408
    Parrowing

    Hi, rq! *waves*

  409. 409
    rq

    Tony
    Email’s under Item #3, if you like. ;)

    Caine
    Thanks for that. And yes, I’m trying not to default to the old ‘I’m too emotional to know what I’m thinking’ routine. An unpleasant episode from our mutual past has floated up, and while I’ve managed to (I think) come to terms with it, I have now realized that the Husband hasn’t (according to him, yes, because not thinking about it anymore and leaving it in the past counts as dealing with it). Because when I wanted to explain how him bringing up skiing as a fun reaction brings back a lot of bad memories for me and why, instead of the usual understanding I got, it was some yelling and blame for bringing up all of his bad memories. While I have no doubt that he had a (retrospective) bad time of it, being unwantedly pregnant, broken up with the father of the boyfriend, being scared of any and all options and hence being too chickenshit to do anything and having a horrible day skiing (as in, the total opposite of what all my other skiing experiences, ever, had been) was pretty terrible, too. And no, we didn’t break up because I was pregnant. But I was too chickenshit to tell him while he was breaking up with me, because I’m pretty sure the words ‘Hey, don’t break up with me, I’m pregnant’ have the sound of manipulation behind them (I finally told him after I gave birth and he thought it was a joke – I told you I’m chickenshit and I make bad decisions). Getting back together is a whole other story, but a more or less happy one (yes, I’m one of the lucky ones, don’t try this at home).
    Anyway. He got angry because his bad memories were brought up. Which was followed by a couple of days of him being touchy on any topic at all, and pre-guessing everything I wanted to say (to the point of assuming I was always meaning the worst), followed by the demand that I not function according to the words he was saying but to the words he was thinking, because that would only be logical. ??????
    This whole house-bank-crap thing is being stressful and I can’t wait for it to be over.
    That was also a lot longer than it needed to be, but best to have it out sooner rather than later.

    Eh. Communicating. Relationships. Why you so difficult?

    *waves* to everyone. What!! It was a crappy updraft, ok??

  410. 410
    Inaji

    rq:

    followed by the demand that I not function according to the words he was saying but to the words he was thinking, because that would only be logical.

    Oh my. Been there, done that one, and it is a difficult one. I can’t speak for your Mister, but I can translate what that means when it comes to my Mister:

    “I’m saying a whole lot of shit, I’m being reactionary, because of you. Because of all the things you’re saying. You have all this crap going on, and you feel this way and that way, and this way and that makes me feel helpless and kind of stupid, so now I’m going to yell and say all manner of shit about how you’re ignoring how it all makes me feel, and speaking of that, why don’t you know that all that makes me feel this way, that way and this way? You should know that, automagically!”

    Shorter words, he’s feeling defensive and possibly insecure and doesn’t know how to fix the “problem”. I’ve found it helpful to explain that there’s no problem to fix and I’m not looking for a solution, I just want someone who loves me to listen. Sometimes that works, other times not. Depends on just how worked up he is about stuff.

  411. 411
    Pteryxx

    rq heya, do yo-yo in through the ceiling when you can!

    (caine said)

    No matter how difficult, think it through, all the way. Be sure there aren’t control issues happening. Be sure there’s no manipulation happening. On either side. Take care of yourself and be safe.

    Fridge logic is your friend here. I find that when manipulation’s happening, it’s like a localized fog of war – sometimes just getting out of the presence/control of the manipulator suddenly lends clarity of thought. (As in, going to an empty classroom or parking lot, or this thread… somewhere that isn’t ‘theirs’.)

    —-

    katenrala thank you for your wisdom, and I also hoarded your post as a reminder.

    I’ve actually had a terminal friend back in college (ALS) and all they wanted from us was to indulge in our usual boardgames and geek talk as if nothing had changed. We took turns rolling their dice and lifting tortilla chips to their mouth on request. This was a person who never opened up to us about anything personal, but they cried for happiness while thanking us for coming.

    (current blog of someone with ALS: http://diseasediary.wordpress.com/author/emerkram/ )

  412. 412
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    This is quite a ways back, but: Thank you, katenrala. I have copied your advice and saved it.

    I am blurry eyed at the moment from just getting up and am still working my way through the thread since last night. I had a strange, horrifying and insightful night all at once and am somewhat fuzzy brained at the moment.

  413. 413
    rq

    Caine
    Yes. Suddenly I don’t feel so alone again. :)
    I do try to explain that (a) there’s no problem; (b) I don’t need him to fix it and (c) not everything that I say to him is about him (this one’s the toughest for him). Because, yes, it’s usually an insecurity about feeling helpless that makes him so touchy. Sometimes it just takes a couple of (emotional, verge-of-tears, tentative walking-on-eggshells) days, that’s all. By tomorrow things should be ok again and we can go back to ranting (together) at the bank.
    That being said, I think the best sort of agreement/policy we made right at the beginning of being together again was never to go to bed separately. I mean, we each get called away at various times at night due to sleepless children and whatnot, but we have to get into the same bed in order to go to sleep. It’s awfully hard to stay mad and principled when the person you want to snuggle up to is lying beside you and you know you’re being unreasonably proud and stubborn (it happens to the best of us!).

    Thanks, Caine, for letting me vent and showing me it’s not abnormal to feel this way from time to time (and here I thought everyone was in a permanent state of wedded bliss… ;) ).
    Yo-yoing out; usual evening routine is starting.

    Pteryxx
    Fridge logic. I love that term. *thumbs up* It is useful.

    +++

    Once again, best to everyone! I’ll try to pop in once news on the house seems a bit more certain and positive (or negative, but… we’re determined).

  414. 414
  415. 415
    birgerjohansson

    Miscellaneous links:
    -No shit Sherlock? http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-reveals-sex-pleasurable-condom-lubricant.html
    — — — — — — — — — — —
    Australian hopes for wine with more health benefits http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-australian-wine-health-benefits.html -I thougt Aussies had a beer-based civilization?
    .
    New report finds Catholics less generous than other Christians http://phys.org/news/2013-01-catholics-christians.html
    .
    Task force urges routine screening of women for domestic violence http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-task-urges-routine-screening-women.html
    .
    FDA approves first skin patch to combat migraines http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-fda-skin-patch-combat-migraines.html
    .
    Overlooked ugly cholesterol causes heart disease http://medicalxpress.com/news/2013-01-overlooked-ugly-cholesterol-heart-disease.html -statins and fibrates may help a bit.

  416. 416
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Caine:
    The dustup you spoke of reminded me of how I have learned I should handle an argument (obviously our situations are different and I am not trying to draw any equivalence here. You just sparked something in my head.). When I was younger (teen years), I had a temper. I think much of it came from having to accept a level of responsibility I neither wanted, nor was prepared for. I often had to babysit my younger sister while mother was at work and father was stationed somewhere else (he was a nurse in the Army). I can’t temember the specifics, but one time I got so frustrated with my sister (she is 8 years younger) that I punched a wall close to her. I lashed out in a moment of anger. I got violent.
    My sister told me I scared her.
    I love my sister deeply, so to know that she was scared of me was horrifying. I still cry when I think of how I reacted.
    From that moment on, I vowed to control my anger better. No longer would I lash out at the world and bring a moments fear to my loved ones. I chose then and there to work at recognizing my level of anger in a conversation. If it reached a certain point, I would disengage from the conversation. I would tell the other person “I am pissed off right now and do not want totalk further. I need to cool off and then revisit this discussion”. This has worked quite well for me (it is frustrating though, when some people won’t accept my desire to walk away, choosing instead to try continuing our talk).

  417. 417
    billingtondev

    FossilFishy # 393
    Oh Dammit! Yes of course. My apologies. Thanks for pointing that out.
     
    My daughter is a child care worker. She is often sprinkled with with Sparkles. This time last year she was just out of hospital after having some weird rare auto-immune response to a bout of food poisoning. Body attacked its own vascular system – kidney damage and other stuff. She has been given the all clear now tho, so this year is able to travel overseas to her best friends wedding. So your Sparkle reference in the context of what you were writing gave my heart a little bump. Thanks. And Yay! on the house.
     
    Caine # 394
    Thanks. More reading/learning! Yum.

  418. 418
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    Yargh, stupid ads!

    They show these pretty dresses and such from Ideeli… which is still expensive stuff!!! >:| Angry Kat wants cute dresses that don’t cost a thousand dollars! RAWR!! *eats her keyboard*

  419. 419
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Hey Audley, hey rq! Hugs and booze and chocolate and bowls of soup all around!!

    Wedded bliss only exists from the outside looking in, and not the other way around. For instance, BossNurse and I are having issues. She’s having issues at work, and I don’t know how to help or what I’m supposed to say, especially when she says the words “I don’t know if I can do this job.” I know I’m supposed to be supportive in some way, but after the last year I’m not sure how to do that. Now I’m just scared out of my wits that my wife is going to be out of work again, except this time we only have ONE car and no family within 2000 miles of us. So I’m not exactly being a rock for her to lean on, you know?

    And I don’t want to point out that she didn’t have this issue in Texas, where the work was a lot harder. I get the feeling that the real problem is that she just doesn’t want to put in the hours, and she didn’t have a problem with the hours when she was living in a hotel with crappy Internet and 12 channels of TV and an uncomfortable bed. Sure as shit I don’t want to SAY that to her! So I’m sort of stuck, and she won’t ask for help at work so SHE’S sort of stuck.

  420. 420
    Inaji

    Tony:

    (it is frustrating though, when some people won’t accept my desire to walk away, choosing instead to try continuing our talk).

    Yeah, that’s a bad one. People who know me well walk when I tell them too. People who don’t know me that well…if I can’t physically get away from them, I tell them flat out that if they push, I’ll become dangerous. That usually gets across, because it’s true, and they’ll shut up or leave. I know my limits from hard experience and I get particularly pissy around people who won’t respect that fact.

  421. 421
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    People who don’t know me that well…if I can’t physically get away from them, I tell them flat out that if they push, I’ll become dangerous. That usually gets across, because it’s true, and they’ll shut up or leave.

    I’ve tried this with people I know, but it normally leads to snotty, condescending comments about how it’s a manipulation tactic and I’m out of control and “need help.” I’ve never tried it with people I don’t know; I’ve spent too many years being gaslighted about how overtly showing any anger ever is a SIGN OF INSANITY…

  422. 422
    Inaji

    Kat Lorraine:

    Angry Kat wants cute dresses that don’t cost a thousand dollars! RAWR!! *eats her keyboard*

    *Hug* I want the boots I like and the coats I like and everything else I like to be well under $600 to 2k, thankyouverymuch and they never, ever are. RAWR! I feel ya.

  423. 423
    Pteryxx

    Joe: IMHO, at the very least, you ought to be able to say ‘it scares the shit out of me when you say that.’ (ought, not necessarily IS.)

    Take this with massive salt bricks because I don’t know your relationship, but I do know a little bit about nursing:

    I get the feeling that the real problem is that she just doesn’t want to put in the hours, and she didn’t have a problem with the hours when she was living in a hotel with crappy Internet and 12 channels of TV and an uncomfortable bed.

    From what I’ve heard about nursing jobs, sometimes a given hospital or nursing home or whatever has a ‘honeymoon period’ when they’re wooing new recruits – and then once the new person’s committed and can’t easily get away, THEN they reveal the horrific work culture or institutionalized patient neglect or whatever the reason is that they can’t retain employees. Maybe, there’s some shit going down that she feels she can’t tell YOU about because she knows perfectly well you’re both surviving or screwed together?

    I suspect maybe she needs somewhere to talk this out, like with other nurses who aren’t in her same work situation… not with you who’s stuck in it with her, and not US who know you and won’t be truly anonymous or unbiased. I have some contacts in nursing I could ask, if it comes to that… but maybe, if you make the suggestion? It’d show that you’re trying to help solve her problem even while giving her space.

    Hope this helps… *offers anklehugs regardless*

  424. 424
    Inaji

    Azkyroth:

    I’ve tried this with people I know, but it normally leads to snotty, condescending comments about how it’s a manipulation tactic and I’m out of control and “need help.” I’ve never tried it with people I don’t know; I’ve spent too many years being gaslighted about how overtly showing any anger ever is a SIGN OF INSANITY…

    That’s absolute shit, people doing that to you.

    I’ve been told, by people I know well and people I don’t know well, that when I hit that point, it’s palpable, the potential danger comes off in waves. I get very quiet when I’m at that point. That’s when people who know me well back off.

  425. 425
    Inaji

    IJoe, I’m sorry you’re having trouble, but you know if you both refuse to communicate, you aren’t going to get anywhere at all. It’s also okay to feel insecure and it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to be angry. All that said:

    Wedded bliss only exists from the outside looking in, and not the other way around.

    Hey, speak for yourself. I’ve been happy with Mister for what will be 34 years in March. Longer than that if you include the time we were together before getting married. Having arguments and bad times is part of life, doesn’t mean life together isn’t bliss.

  426. 426
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Pteryxx:

    I appreciate the kind words and advice. The part with the hours thing… she’s been working 7-4, with a half-hour lunch. That’s 8.5 hours, five days a week. When I got here, she was working 5-5… she’s working three hours a day less than when she started, so no wonder the work is piling up. She’s on salary, so nobody is supervising her hours… and that also might be why she doesn’t want to ask for help at work, because she’ll have to admit that she’s been slacking off.

    I think part of it has been for me… maybe a lot of it. Because when I wasn’t here, she was getting home at 5:30 and going to bed around 8. I know she felt guilty about that, but I don’t know how to say that stuff without it sounding like me saying “just go work more hours” even if that is probably the actual solution.

  427. 427
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Caine:

    We’re happy, but real-world happy rather than movie-style “wedded bliss”… that’s what I meant to say. Marriages have ups and downs even when they look perfect from an outside perspective.

  428. 428
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    And one more set of pics: Playing with a frog toy!
    http://audleyzdarkheart.blogspot.com/2013/01/frog-toy.html

  429. 429
    Pteryxx

    Joe: hell, I’m the last person to ask for a good-sounding way to say something. If it were me I’d just say something like ‘Thanks for spending time with me but y’know your job security affects me too, so if you have to pay more attention to work for a while that’s fine with me. Oh and if I’m totally off base here I’m sorry.’ Maybe you could pretty it up somehow? Because the last thing y’all need is some sort of Gift of the Magi situation.

  430. 430
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Caine:

    Stupid clothes need to be cheaper.

    Also keyboards do not taste very good… and they give me indigestion.

  431. 431
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Audley:

    AMG I want to eat your baby she’s so cute!! :3 Omnom those little ears and little nose!!

  432. 432
    chigau (違う)

    Audley
    squeee

  433. 433
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    DON’T EAT MY BABY

  434. 434
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Audley, does it make you feel safer knowing that my culinary interest is only in the pre-born? There’s good eating on a fetus!!

  435. 435
    Inaji

    Audley:

    DON’T EAT MY BABY

    Tchah, and you call yourself a zombie lover. I don’t think so.

  436. 436
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Joe:
    Fetuses make an excellent soup. Throw some fetuses†, chicken stock, dry white wine, rosemary, bay leaves, salt & pepper, carrots, celery, and a sweet onion in a slow cooker and cook until carrots are tender. Yum yum!

    †Or lamb, whatever.

  437. 437
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Caine:
    I cooked her for 9 months, I think I should have first dibs on the Darkling. I’m just waiting for her thighs to chub up a little more….

  438. 438
    Pteryxx

    Interesting reads from BB today:

    Preserving the last undersea science lab while searching for funding: Linky

    But last week brought good news that Florida International University won a grant to keep Aquarius going. Sort of.

    The grant is enough to keep Aquarius actively maintained by its old salty crew, who are full of esoteric knowledge and who know how to keep this thing from rotting away, like all manmade things quickly do in the salt water. But it won’t cover scientific mission funding, and so, Aquarius lives, but it’s also like it’s taking a long nap.

    During this nap, the remaining crew of the Aquarius–those who didn’t leave for other jobs while the future of the base looked grim–will be busy visiting the base to keep it in good shape. They’ll keep the outside of the base from being overgrown with bio matter by scrubbing the view ports and doing everything they can to make sure the top side communications, life support and diesel generators are in solid enough shape to eventually support aquanauts, defined as those visitors who stay under and live in the habitat for at least a night.

    Objectify a Male Tech Writer Day! Linky

    The purpose of the exercise isn’t to “get revenge” or to make anyone uncomfortable: simply to help highlight by example what a gendered compliment looks like, and to get people talking in a funny and lighthearted way about how these kinds of comments distract from meaningful dialogues and make writers online feel like their point of view is only as relevant as how attractive they are.

    Main article: http://www.newstatesman.com/sci-tech/2013/01/roll-first-annual-objectify-man-tech-day

    —-

    (warning for phobic language in the excerpt)

    How a paper covered Stonewall at the time: definitely not as a watershed for civil rights.Linky

    The Stonewall Riots kicked off on June 28, 1969, and marked a turning-point in the gay rights movement. Today, they’re remembered as a kind of shot heard round the world, but at the time, the coverage was a lot less sympathetic. Here’s a mirror of “Homo Nest Raided, Queen Bees Are Stinging Mad,” a story by Jerry Lisker that ran in the New York Daily News on July 6, 1969.

  439. 439
    Pteryxx

    oooh, interesting tidbits from the Objectify a Male Tech Writer project (which will be Feb. 1 by the way):

    My friend Ben Abraham, a PhD candidate at the University of Western Sydney and a longtime blogger on games, helped me launch a formal campaign on Facebook. Left to my own, I’m a little embarrassed to admit I might have done nothing – the whole “pick your battles” thing has trained me to fear and avoid starting certain conversations online, and I’m afraid of backlash: You’re overreacting. You’re impossible to please. You probably don’t get that many compliments, you’re not that hot.

    But Ben’s event page attracted retweets, comments both funny and serious, and over 100 attendees in its first hour. It wasn’t long before “men’s rights activists” arrived, offended at the “misandry” they saw in the act of asking people to try a playful shift in perspective or to have a conversation. The comments discussion is already fascinating, and Ben’s enlisted feminist student moderators to help engage and educate the curious. Interestingly, all the social media around the event so far has praised only Ben for his idea, even though we’re both co-hosts on the event.

  440. 440
    Pteryxx

    Pardon the link spamming, today’s internet skim yielded a particularly rich haul.

    Update on Mississippi’s last abortion provider: the clinic’s deadline to find a local hospital that would grant admitting privileges (yeah right) expired on Jan 11, and they could be shut down by the start of March. Profile of one of the two doctors whose application has been refused by ALL area hospitals here:

    http://www.salon.com/2013/01/23/mississippis_last_abortion_provider/

    At first, the idea of working in the Deep South troubled Parker, an African American who had grown up poor in Alabama. But visiting—and being reminded of the dire need in the poorest state in the country with the very highest teen birth rate—he was convinced to sign on with JWHO last year.

    “I knew what a lifeline that clinic was for people who were already struggling and who were black and brown,” Parker said. “That allowed me to overcome any anxiety.”

    One of two doctors who work at JWHO, Parker travels to Mississippi from his home in Chicago, where he works in another family planning clinic, for three-day work stints just once or twice a month. But with his decision last year to use his name in the suit that is now the clinic’s only hope of remaining open (the other physician plaintiff goes by “Dr. John Doe”), he has become the public face of the latest legal fight to defend Mississippi’s sole remaining abortion clinic—and opened himself to some of the ugliest local anti-abortion hostility in the nation.

    Also from Salon:

    http://www.salon.com/2013/01/23/11_year_old_to_obama_trans_people_matter_too/

    “When they grow up, transgender adults have a hard time getting a job because the boss thinks the customers will be scared away. Doctors are afraid of treating transgender patients because they don’t know how to take care of them, and some doctors don’t really want to help them. Transgender patients like me travel to other states to see a good doctor.

    It would be a better world if everyone knew that transgender people have the same hopes and dreams as everyone else. We like to make friends and want to go to school. Transgender people want to get good jobs and go to doctors like they are exactly the same. It really isn’t that hard to like transgender people because we are like everyone else.”

  441. 441
    Pteryxx

    …where, is, everyone, anyway? <_<

  442. 442
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Audley:

    But… those little ears… and little nose… and little fingers… so tasty

  443. 443
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Caine:
    As I’m reading the book, I’d be happy to share my thoughts!

    (What thread had you spitting mad last night? Do I want to know?)

    iJoe:
    *hugs*

  444. 444
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    *hides baby in blanket fort!*

  445. 445
    mythbri

    @Audley

    Darkling is so cute! What big smiles! I hope all is going well with the spawn-raising.

  446. 446
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    rq
    Great to see you again, if only for a while. *hugs* Sorry to hear about troubles with Mr, hopefully those are resolved soon.

    @relationships
    L sometimes has an explosion and needs some time alone; for my part, I learned to swallow my anger as a child (long story), so I tend to get frustrated-annoyed-depressed, rather than going any further into anger. It probably helps, all things considered. Mostly friction comes from stress about finances (hi ijoe), but we’ve managed to get through it.

    I’ve posted the stuff rq sent me to the wiki; it seems that the Pharyngula wiki hasn’t got the Google Spreadsheet extension in, so apologies for the link there. This is pretty rough, I really just slapped it up there. I’ll try and prettify the page some at a later date.

  447. 447
    cicely

    *hugs* for JAL. Wish I could help.
    :(
    -
    FossilFishy, hurrah for Walls! And for all the other popcorn as well.
     
    And later, for the Houseness. And that Fire is not imminent.
    -
    rq!
    *pouncehug*
    -
    Babby!
    -

    Angry Kat wants cute dresses that don’t cost a thousand dollars! RAWR!! *eats her keyboard*

    *looking interested*
    Does eating your keyboard help?
    *eyes “Books I Want” list, reaching for salt*
    -

  448. 448
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Audley:

    Curses! The blanket fort. Nigh impenetrable. As is the couch cushion fort.

  449. 449
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Mythbri:
    So far so good. On friday, the Darkling will be three months old and she’s already hit the milestones for her age (smiles, eye contact, head/neck control, tracking movement and sound, reaching) AND she’s been sleeping through the night since Xmas. I don’t know if it’s parenting as much as it is that she’s an awesome baby.

  450. 450
    Pteryxx

    Horde alert

    Folks, I need some quick IANAL advice and possibly hand-holding. Can anyone up on this sort of thing join the Pharyngula IRC chat? Caine? Dianne? Gregory? heck I dunno. I’ll be holding station there for now.

  451. 451
    Pteryxx

    er, I put a room up under my nym

  452. 452
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    @Cicely:

    No. All that eating your keyboard does is give you indigestion and you need to buy a new keyboard.

  453. 453
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    Link, pteryxx?

  454. 454
    Pteryxx

    Pharyngula chat’s in the sidebar still… it’s irc.synirc.net and I made a room with my nym

  455. 455
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Do you have someone to talk to, Pteryxx? Chat isn’t playing nice with my tablet, but I can break out the laptop if you still need some help.

  456. 456
    Pteryxx

    not yet Audley, thanks… I just figured IRC was more likely tolerable than tinychat or some such

  457. 457
    Inaji

    Pteryxx! Went to B&N and bought Misogyny, downloading to my nook now. Thank you. ♥

    X-posted.

  458. 458
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Good evening
    Avira seems to be a religously based company, they blocked FtB for Malware…

    Audley
    Squeeeeeeeeeeee!
    Yeah, the eating on a baby just isn’t worth the effort you put into them…

    Hi rq

    Caine

    Shorter words, he’s feeling defensive and possibly insecure and doesn’t know how to fix the “problem”. I’ve found it helpful to explain that there’s no problem to fix and I’m not looking for a solution, I just want someone who loves me to listen. Sometimes that works, other times not. Depends on just how worked up he is about stuff.

    That’s actually a well-know problem in the communication between men and women. Men are socialized to fix problems, especially fluffy pink ladybrain problems while women are socialized to share.
    So, when they communicate, while they both understand the words, they don’t understand the message.
    The German communication researcher Schulz von Thun has a good model about communication:
    You always speak with four mouths, you always listen with four ears.
    Each message has 4 levels:
    A “me message”, something you say about yourself
    A “you message”, something you say about the other person.
    A “relationship message”, something you say about the relationship
    An “appellative message”, something you want the other person to do.
    Now, the receiver gets the same 4 aspects BUT: There has to be no relationship between the sent message and the received one. So, while women are often sending a “me message” (this is my life) and a “relationship message” (you’re somebody I can share this with), men are getting a “you” and an “appellative message” (You – fix that!). So he gives what he intends to be helpful advice and what she gets is “You cannot fix this alone” and “I’m the one in this relationship who does the thinky.”
    Beig able to talk about communication like that has helped Mr. and me a lot.
    Instead of yelling at each other “you said this – No, I didn’t” we can take a step back and say “The message I got was this” and “What I wanted to say was this”.
    It also enables saying things like “if you say this, it makes me feel like that”. A prime example is him saying “We really need to tidy this up and clean it”. What he means is
    A) This is a chaos
    B) It needs tidying up
    C) You and I are both responsible for this and we’re always lacking time.
    What I understand is:
    A) I’m not stupid, you know, I can see that this isn’t clean.
    B) Yes I know I’m a lousy housewife and general failure
    C) You’re too polite to tell me I need to clean this shit up directly

    Which explains why my reaction to such a phrase kind of surprised him….

  459. 459
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Pteryxx
    I can’t figure out how to make the damn IRC work; sorry.

  460. 460
    Inaji

    Esteleth:

    (What thread had you spitting mad last night? Do I want to know?)

    Oh, this one: http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2013/01/22/its-about-misogyny-its-about-intimidation-its-about-silencing/comment-page-1/

    You can see me scaring the shit out of poor innocent dude @ 95.

  461. 461
    Pteryxx

    argh… I need a better emergency chat system. Mibbit works I think? with nothing to download or install? go to mibbit website, put in server (irc.synirc.net) and channel ( #my nym )

    (what do the rest of y’all use these days? gmail? skype? thrice-darned FB?) /tangent

  462. 462
    Inaji

    Pteryxx, I haven’t been able to replace my dead laptop yet, so I’m not set for chat. I’m sorry. I’ll hold your hand anywhere, you know that.

  463. 463
    Dalillama, Schmott Guy

    Hurm. I use Pidgin, which has an irc extension, but I don’t know how to make it change my server.

  464. 464
    Inaji

    I usually e-mail, Pteryxx. You can grab my e-address from http://caine.zenfolio.com/ and email if you like.

  465. 465
    Pteryxx

    Oh, for Pidgin, “Manage Accounts”, “create new account” choose “IRC” from the protocols and then enter the server info. I’m using Pidgin too btw.

  466. 466
    Pteryxx

    Caine, I was going to ask if I could email you anyway, heh… <_< probably in a bit when I can summarize

  467. 467
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Pteryxx,
    If you go to my blog, you can find one of my email addys. Google chat will be sent to my phone– we can talk like that if you’d like.

  468. 468
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Ok, am I getting hallucinations or does Dana Hunter’s name sparkle?

  469. 469
    Goodbye Enemy Janine

    Caine, in case you do not know how, you can link to a specific comment by hitting Link to this comment and use the url that results from that action.

  470. 470
    Inaji

    Giliell, it’s sparkling.

    Janine, yes, I know. I didn’t feel like doing that, because I don’t think Esteleth has gotten to that thread yet, so she’ll want to read the whole thing.

  471. 471
    rq

    [sneak]
    Giliell
    Yes, it is sparkling.
    [/sneak]

  472. 472
    Inaji

    PSA: I have been up for a very long time. I’m about to lose consciousness. If I’m needed and don’t respond, it’s not because I don’t care or suddenly decided I hate you or anything, I’ll just be checked out for a bit.

  473. 473
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Oh, I’m exhausted…

    My wife sleeps like the dead. Like the DEAD I TELL YOU! Me? Not so much. So for the past two nights, Lily(Formerly Office Cat) has decided that she wants to sleep near me. The other cats don’t like that, so it has been hissing and fighting all night. So when my wife goes to work, I shut the door to try to get some sleep and it is just me and Lily in the bedroom. No sooner do I fall asleep that Lily decided that she wants to play “bed mice” for the first time ever. That’s where a cat sees your foot move under the mattress and attacks it like it is a mouse. Lily has never really learned “gentle” though, so she basically dug a claw into the part of my toe between the meat and the nail and couldn’t get loose.

    And then she did it an hour later. :(

  474. 474
    rorschach

    (what do the rest of y’all use these days? gmail? skype? thrice-darned FB?) /tangent

    I love Pidgin, for the IM client and also for the fact that it pops up every single new email for any given account, very very handy feature.

  475. 475
    cicely

    iJoe, you and your toe have my sympathy; but did you not know that bed-mice are the very tastiest of mice?
    -

  476. 476
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Audley

    The little human is cute, I almost want to snuggle it. Almost.

  477. 477
    Hekuni Cat, MQG

    rq – *hugs and chocolate*

    Audley – Squee! Darkling looks adorable and very happy. And thank you for posting links to the pictures for us.

    cicley – *pouncehug*

    Pterryxx – *supportive anklehugs and chocolate*

    Caine – Sleep well. ♥

  478. 478
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    Audley: Very larval :3

  479. 479
    Pteryxx

    Audley and Esteleth and Caine, thanks, I’m catching up now. Emails to be sent (hoping that’s okay Esteleth, ignore if you prefer)

  480. 480
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    cicely,

    Yeah, well… I’m locked in my office for an hour, trying to take a time-out from the furry family. I love them, but I need a break.

  481. 481
    cicely

    Caine: Deep and restful sleep, with your choice of either Good or No dreams.
    -
    Hekuni Cat: *pouncehugback*
    -

  482. 482
    Tethys

    Pteyrxx

    Good information and tons of links.

    [Shhh. Accidental information spill cleaned up. --pzm]

  483. 483
    Esteleth, [an error occurred while processing this directive]

    I’ll be checking my email, pteryxx. I cannot promise a prompt response, but I will read and respond.

    I’m presuming you have my email as well (nym at the gmail thing)

  484. 484
  485. 485
    opposablethumbs

    You’d have the Muslims over there enjoying their raisins, Christians playing (badly) on harps, Druids planting trees so they can worship them … and the scientologist’s lizards will be running around spoiling it for everyone.

    This is from another place I hang out; there was a joke about what if all the different versions of “heaven” were mashed up together. I thought it would make a great premise for a comedy short story …
    .
    katenrala, thank you SO MUCH. I really appreciate it; that helps a lot, and I’ve saved it to re-read. She’s going to need all her strength for her; I don’t want to drain any by inadvertently being a pain in the arse. What you wrote will help me have a better chance of avoiding being a pain, and I’m very grateful for that.
    I see quite a lot of other people have found it useful too.
    .
    Fly-by hugs to rq, and hugs to Audley and DarkBaby! (who is definitely just a tad on the cute side … yeah, nibbling on babies can be nice.).

    rq, I wish you reduced stress asap. Things like that (e.g. arsehole-bank stress) can really fuck you up so badly at times – makes all the baggage that was there anyway that much harder to carry.

  486. 486
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    Pteryxx:
    As you can probably tell, it’s been a slow day for me (it’s cold, and that makes the Darkling sleepy). That said, if I don’t get back to you immediately, the baby feeds about once every three hours and I respond to emails when she’s nursing. (Thank goodness for tablet computers and smartphones!)

  487. 487
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Random math irritation:

    Hello Trigonometry Workbook for Dummies! Oh, I’m fine, how are you? Good, good, glad to hear it… listen, you have the word “dummies” on your cover and all. Would it be too much to assume that I’m using a calculator? And since it is 2013, could you assume that I own a calculator? A calculator with memory, and with a π button on it, like even the calculators that they sell at the pharmacy for $11?

    Because when I finish a chapter and check the answers, I’m often way off. And after struggling to figure out what I’m doing wrong… what I’m doing wrong is doing things correctly for 2013. In this decade, we don’t add rounding errors to each step by writing down each number to two decimal places, and then clearing our calculators and doing the next step of the calculation to two places, and then clearing the memory and doing the next step, introducing incrementally-large errors at each step.

    We especially don’t do that with π since we have A GODDAMNED BUTTON FOR THAT!!!!

    … yeah, sorry Trigonometry Workbook for Dummies, it HAS been a rough week. I’ll leave you alone, and maybe we’ll pick up again tomorrow? OK, thanks.

  488. 488
    Pteryxx

    Tethys, my gmail is just my nym, could I mail you too?

  489. 489
    Tethys

    Pteryxx, e-mail sent from hotmail address.

  490. 490
    John Morales

    Improbable Joe, you’re saying that book contains incorrect answers because it assumes people don’t have calculators?

    Hm.

  491. 491
    John Morales

    In 1977, I ended up having to get a log book for a math exam when my calculator died.

    (No biggie, but it did slow me down a bit)

  492. 492
    carlie

    The warmest it got today was 5 degrees*, and that was at 4pm for about an hour.

    *that’s -15 to you metric people

  493. 493
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    This is incredibly *stoopid*:

    A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities on Monday and resign from office, effective immediately.

    “By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”

    While many in the media have blamed Beyoncé for the lip-synching controversy, Mr. Paul said, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”

    http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/01/obama-urged-to-resign-over-beyonc-scandal.html

    You think the President should resign because Beyonce may or may not have lip synched at the inauguration?!

  494. 494
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    That’s not from The Onion? Seriously?

  495. 495
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    So… I think I might have just said something really stupid and self-centered. Help?

    Can’t tell you how many times I had similar arguments with The Jackass over the Confederate rag and the “real” reasons for the Civil War. He claimed it had “nothing to do with slavery” and was all about “state’s rights”. Um… yeah… the “right” to own other human beings, which isn’t so much a “right” as it is an abuse of the “other”, and it was based on his oh-so-precious Bible. He didn’t like having the facts thrown at him, either, had no real response, and so responded with idiocy and violence. (That was nothing new, as it was his standard response to everything that he didn’t like.)

    But no, no, somehow pointing out reality is some kind of horrible, horrible thing that you should never do — rather like reading out loud from Kitab al Azif or King in Yellow.

  496. 496
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Link for context.

    I’m sorry about double-posting, but I forgot to include this in the post. I’m sorry, I fail.

  497. 497
    The Mellow Monkey: Non-Hypothetical

    “By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”

    This is a parody, right?

  498. 498
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    Rat story ahead. Warning, not pretty.

     

    I found out that rats like peanut butter*.
    Apparently the restaurant has/had a rat problem that many were unaware of. I came to work Tuesday morning and was told that we had a rat problem overnight. They raided the kitchen. There was flour all over the floor with feetprints. There was bacon all over the floor. In pieces. Thankfully, they responded with Orkin quickly. It was also a good thing that most of the food is in locked stainless steel coolers, so they couldn’t get to that stuff. Nor were they able to open the walk in cooler. Geez, if they did that, they would have had a veritable buffet.

    *the Orkin peeps put out peanut butter to entice the rats

  499. 499
    carlie

    Pteryxx, it’s a lot later now, but you could send a message to carliesinternet at yahoo if you want.

  500. 500
    John Morales

    Tony, that reads like something that should be on The Onion.

    (Pretty sure over here that would merely invite political ridicule from all sides)

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