OK, you pests out there. Could you get some consistency? I routinely get odd magazines sent to me by someone subscribing me to them…I get a few issues, and then when I respond to their requests for money by telling them I didn’t subscribe to them, they fade away.
For a while, you were randomly subscribing me to gay lifestyle magazines. Then it was chicken fanciers, and I got a lot of information about building a coop in my backyard. Now it’s a bunch of motorcycle magazines.
Could you go back to the gay magazines? There at least I got useful grooming and clothing tips.
Although if I win the Free Harley Giveaway contest in this one, that could change.
72 comments
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Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain
16 August 2012 at 12:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I was going to link to a video of Rob Halford riding a motorcycle on stage. But everything I see looks like it was recorded on a cell phone.
Dammit, I have standards.
hyperdeath
16 August 2012 at 12:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How many distinct classes of kook are currently going after PZ? To my knowledge, the five main lines of complaint seem to be:
* Wah wah! PZ desecrated a cracker.
* Wah Wah! Evolution is a lie.
* Wah Wah! Climate change is a lie.
* Wah wah! Those uppity bitches don’t respect my manhood.
* Wah Wah! You aggressive shrill strident militant New Atheists are just as bad as religious fundamentalists.
Are there any more?
Rev. BigDumbChimp
16 August 2012 at 12:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Every evil feminazi atheist overlord needs a Harley.
fabianocaccin
16 August 2012 at 12:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ on a Harley!
Pierce R. Butler
16 August 2012 at 12:14 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
A bike mag without babes in bikinis on the cover?
Somebody had to look long and hard (so to speak) to find that…
PZ Myers
16 August 2012 at 12:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I get a lot of
* Wah Wah! You gay Jews are destroying America!
and
* Wah Wah! How dare you reject my evidence for NDEs/UFOs/ZPE!
and currently,
* Wah Wah! Thunderf00t is a hero, and you didn’t let him Think Freely!
Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain
16 August 2012 at 12:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
What? Did you place a mind control chip in his head?
Are you actually Maggie Walsh?
fastlane
16 August 2012 at 12:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
If it were sportbikes, I’d ask you to forward them to me. Not so much interested in Harleys, though.
prtsimmons
16 August 2012 at 12:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
There are entire Christian Biker mags out there. A savvy harasser might have sent you one of those.
Like this:
http://soamc.org/christian_biker_magazine/SO2008.pdf
There’s a Christian car-crushing monster truck show advertised on page 2.
Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle
16 August 2012 at 12:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
um . . . huh?
yes, all I can manage in response to that is gutteral noises.
proudmra
16 August 2012 at 12:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Harley-Davidson has been called “the most efficient way to convert fuel into noise without the byproduct of horsepower.”
kantalope
16 August 2012 at 12:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
CRRRUSHING CARRRRS!
It’s how we show god’s love.
Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain
16 August 2012 at 12:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true
Jerry Lee Lewis was the devil
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long
Jesus built my car
It’s a love affair
Mainly Jesus and my hot rod
Yeah, fuck it!
arthurhunt
16 August 2012 at 12:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gun and Garden. It’s a favorite in my household.
arthurhunt
16 August 2012 at 12:28 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Actually, that would be Garden and Gun. Oh well.
Audley Z. Darkheart, the joke killer
16 August 2012 at 12:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m actually kind of shocked they don’t send you pornography, PZ.
Wait, does porn still come in paper form?
Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain
16 August 2012 at 12:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Audley, PZ has talked about the gay porn that has been sent in his direction. But I cannot recall if he specified what format it came in.
Rev. BigDumbChimp
16 August 2012 at 12:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Garden and Gun is a good mag actually. There’s a lot of fluff but it has some good writing and photography on food, drink, art and culture. It’s based here in Charleston.
Zeckenschwarm
16 August 2012 at 12:40 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Because straight atheist = gay jew?
What’s ‘ZPE’?
PZ Myers
16 August 2012 at 12:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Porn on paper is expensive. They don’t allow people to subscribe without money up front. I get signed up for mags that don’t have such a demanding requirement.
The gay porn I get is copy-pasted stuff via email.
ZPE=zero point energy, the hot new name for perpetual motion machines.
Audley Z. Darkheart, the joke killer
16 August 2012 at 12:46 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Janine:
And all is right in the world.
Audley Z. Darkheart, the joke killer
16 August 2012 at 12:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ:
That’s just so damned lazy.
mythbri
16 August 2012 at 12:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
*Googles subscription requirements for Cat Fancy*
Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph
16 August 2012 at 12:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Wait. That was the version with PZ controlling his thoughts?
And I feel so left out. The only thing I get in the mail is bills. And books from Amazon.
Hurin, Midnight DJ on the Backwards Music Station
16 August 2012 at 12:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
For anyone who didn’t know, zero point energy is real: its the lowest (but still non-zero) energy state in the potential well of a system with vibrational frequencies (i.e. a molecules, materials, etc.) in quantum mechanics.
Silly crackpots and their quantum fails.
PZ Myers
16 August 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I know. You’d have to be a world-class moron to fail to realize that anyone with access to the net can easily get bizarre porn to fit any peculiar weirdness that might hydrodynamically inflate a tentacle. Gay porn is just so vanilla.
Hurin, Midnight DJ on the Backwards Music Station
16 August 2012 at 1:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
^^ Crackpots meaning the people who think they are going to harvest ZPEs as some kind of fuel.
Sili
16 August 2012 at 1:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The PZ-hog would look nice, parked in the PZome.
Pity the gay porn isn’t in paper form. I was about to ask if I could come visit. Perhaps you could just set up a mail filter to forward it to me?
PZ Myers
16 August 2012 at 1:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
But…but…but it’s got the word “energy” right there in the label! All we have to do is tap into ZPE and the world’s energy problems are all solved!
sabazinus
16 August 2012 at 1:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hmm, I kind of want the chicken fancier magazines–since I intend to have chickens in a couple years. Who do I have to offend to get on the mailing list?
Audley Z. Darkheart, the joke killer
16 August 2012 at 1:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
*giggle fit!*
It’s incredibly sad that the most offensive thing these bozos can think of is gay porn. I mean, I understand if it doesn’t turn your crank, but talk about misreading your audience.
Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph
16 August 2012 at 1:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Means nothing. Less than nothing. For an example, I give you Intelligent Design.
rr
16 August 2012 at 1:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You can refuse US mail as long as any envelopes remain unopened. I just put a line through the “to” address and write “refused, return to sender, remove from mailing list” on the mailpiece, and throw it back in the mail. Works like a charm, and gets the sender’s attention since they have to pay for the return postage.
steve oberski
16 August 2012 at 1:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Next time I’m in Texas it’s a free subscription to “Christian Cowboys for Jesus”* for PZ.
* I am not making this up.
steve oberski
16 August 2012 at 1:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@rr
Works the same here in Canada.
Got a letter from a collection agency once for someone who used to live at my address, did the return to sender thing, they sent it back, found the largest box that would fit in a mail box parcel slot, put a brick, empty wine bottle and a used toner cartridge in it, taped the letter to it and popped it in the mail box.
I never heard from them again.
Rich Woods
16 August 2012 at 1:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@Janine #1:
There’s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7crsfJllWo, but the sound balance isn’t brilliant.
Rev. BigDumbChimp
16 August 2012 at 1:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Rule 34 an all
cervantes
16 August 2012 at 1:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Here’s a roundup of the world’s most bizarre magazines, beginning with “Girls and Corpses, proceeding through “Miniature Donkey Talk” and on to OMFG, which is actually the Official Meeting Facilities Guide.
newfie
16 August 2012 at 1:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
No subscription to Girls and Corpses?
http://www.oddee.com/item_96476.aspx
Bonus: Weird book titles
http://www.oddee.com/item_96479.aspx
newfie
16 August 2012 at 1:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
damn, I should have refreshed to see cervantes’ post. :(
morganakks
16 August 2012 at 1:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Have you thought that maybe the gay porn is from admirers hoping to turn you? You’d pull some serious ass at a Bear bar.
DLC
16 August 2012 at 1:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
What, no Gay Mechanical Martian Rover Sex Pron?
AJ Milne
16 August 2012 at 1:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
(Blinks…)
Well, I guess it’s no more incongruous than the Bahá’í funny car racing weekend I just attended…
Seriously, y’know, there’s just something surreally beautiful about that very phrase, for some reason. It’s like something out of a McSweeney’s list.
… And from the same one, of course, we have the abovementioned Bahá’ís in drag racers…
… not to mention the Wahhabi pro wrestling throwdown, and the Rastafarian caber toss.
(/The Hare Krishna rib cookoff was a bit of a bust, tho’.)
scrutationaryarchivist
16 August 2012 at 1:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ,
I’m pretty sure that Aron Ra is a motorcycle owner. Maybe you could ask him if he’d be interested in the magazines.
Alverant
16 August 2012 at 1:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Good luck winning the Harley!
If you do win, I hope you’ll drive around Sunday mornings in a church-heavy neighborhood showing off how loud the engine is.
(Actually it is kind of dick-ish move. Let’s pretend I said it in jest and just imagine the reaction.)
Zeno
16 August 2012 at 1:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Damn. I sent PZ my book. Now I can’t help but imagine it lost under a stack of biker mags. And porn. [sniff!] (At least my novel has titties on the cover!)
I’m going to get PZ a subscription to California Farmer!
Brownian
16 August 2012 at 2:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
What’s a magazine?
janiceintoronto
16 August 2012 at 2:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You really, really don’t want the Harley unless you have the need for an overweight, underpowered tank on two wheels.
If you win, I’d suggest you send it to Ken Ham. He deserves it.
~G~
16 August 2012 at 2:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Send any birding mags my way, especially Birds and Blooms. If you want an issue of UltraViolence, I’m friends with one of the editors.
I’m always amazed by the specificity of some trade journals. I found myself in a dentist’s waiting room reading a copy of modern dental hygenist or something. (And that’s not that specific, anyone whose done academic journal hunting knows how crazy specific those get, e.g. Southern Annals of Pediatric Oncothyroidal Lacroscopic Surgery.) I’d like a chicken coop, too. Rescues only! :)
Ogvorbis: The only post-Permian seymouriamorph
16 August 2012 at 2:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Nah. Sell it and buy a Fiat 500.
katansi
16 August 2012 at 2:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
So if you were to get random magazines, which would you prefer? Because I can get a nice little pile of those inserts off the ground at B&N.
'Tis Himself
16 August 2012 at 2:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
It’s where you keep the bullets for your rifle.
F
16 August 2012 at 3:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Brownian says:
Slight misspelling of the French word for “department store”.
Janine: Fucking Dyke Of Rage Mountain
16 August 2012 at 3:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
‘Tis, given your background in the Navy, I am surprised that you did not give the naval definition.
Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle
16 August 2012 at 3:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Dudes fucking is the the worst thing these dipshits can think of? Seriously? That shows not only a worrying lack of imagination, but also sad and pathetic googlefu.
koliedrus
16 August 2012 at 3:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Shit. Just shit.
Now I’ll have an earworm constantly repeating that AC/DC song while images of two grown men “rassle” in motor oil.
Also, I’ll need to see a priest so I can find out how to keep that combination from giving me a boner.You guys are KILLING me!
felixhoefert
16 August 2012 at 3:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
BrrrRRRRMMMMbbbbRRrrmmMMMMMbbbbRRRRRMMMMMbbb—bbb–bbb–bbRRRRRMMMMMMM
birgerjohansson
16 August 2012 at 3:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
PZ,
I am not the one sending you gay porn.
I am the one who occasionally sends you SF/Fantasy novels
and the odd graphic novel from Amazon.com.
(It is my diabolical plan to distract you from your work)
charlessoto
16 August 2012 at 4:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
two wheels good
four wheels baaaad
cm's changeable moniker
16 August 2012 at 4:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I will not have Modern Drunkard so maligned! ;-)
Boozing with the Bomb
Crissa
16 August 2012 at 4:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Re: proudmra 16 August 2012 at 12:23 pm
My spouse, who rides a Honda, shares, “Rivaled only by the owners of said who are well known for impressive conversions of ethanol into noise.”
koliedrus
16 August 2012 at 5:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Crap.
I work with a guy nicknamed “Harley”.
Tomorrow will be tough.
jkusters
16 August 2012 at 6:42 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Guffaw! That one had me laughing in my cube. Thanks, I needed that.
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach
16 August 2012 at 6:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Four wheels move the body.
Two wheels move the soul(*)
And
Happiness is not round the next corner, happiness is the next corner.
(*)existence of ‘soul’ is not established by any scientificalismisty stuff. Not valid in all jurisdictions. No purchase necessary to enter, except in Quebec, just because. Know your limits and slay within them.
a3kr0n
16 August 2012 at 7:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I like motorcycle magazines because of their layouts…
Chicken magazines? I didn’t know there were such things?
Jafafa Hots
16 August 2012 at 8:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Though i never subscribed to it and have never paid for it, I’ve been getting “Tactical Response” magazine for several years now.
Every so often I actually glance at an issue. It’s all paramilitary gear reviews and ads, aimed at people who are in police SWAT teams and such.
Guns, bullet proof vests, sonic cannons, crowd control and riot gear, etc.
I never stopped to think about what the person who put me on the list was trying to tell me. But the subscription has somehow managed to follow me from NY to FL to NY to CA.
John Morales
17 August 2012 at 5:28 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Free Harley Giveaway contest?
Nice!
I’d love to get a free Harley; then I could sell it and get a real bike!
(Harleys:bikes::tractors:cars)
jackiepaper
17 August 2012 at 8:07 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I once signed a friend of mine up for a certain male clothing catalog as a joke. It appeared to sell the ideal fashions for jiggalos and Lex Luther. Imagine my chagrin when his only response when I came clean was, “I wondered why two of those came this month.”
PS He did look great in his leather pants. I shouldn’t have been hate’n.
David Marjanović
17 August 2012 at 8:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Christianity has jumped the shark.
*imagines Jesus Haploid Christ Himself, aureole and all, on waterskis*
QUANTUM perpetual motion machines, foolish poopyhead!!!1!1!
Thread won.
So true.
Interesting concept. Is it Klingon?
Ooh, burn. :-)
muttpupdad
17 August 2012 at 2:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Harley-davidson made of tin
Ride it out and push it in!
carolw
17 August 2012 at 5:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
H-D stands for “hundred dolla’,” because that’s what every little accessory and part you buy for one is going to cost you, at the very least.
direlobo
19 August 2012 at 10:54 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m going to sign you up for YACHTING MONTHLY – once you get the grooming down, you will want to show off your new look on a fabulous yacht!