Sent to my women friends.
We used to say that we didn’t have “nuts” and that is why we could not advance in the Catholic church.
Now I know we are “not a penis haver” and that is why we are the lowly peons in the church.
I left last year, I think it was one of the most important decisions of my life.
Trebuchetsays
I read that as “penis-waver”. Even better that way!
@Sili: Is ‘*ahegm*’ the more phlegmatic version of *ahem*? I guess having a bit more mucous rattling around the glottis does elicit more attention from the room.
I guess maybe the church wants gay men’s penises to be called something else (Civil Uniters, maybe?)
timberwoofsays
shazibrahim, according to the Catholic church, gay men can have penises—just not use them.
Azuma Hazukisays
Hey, I’m a penis-haver too! It lives in my sockdrawer and is blue and eats batteries (and possibly dustbunnies too…?). So can I wave it around like a lightsaber? Will it go “wang, wang!” like a lightsaber does? This is especially appropriate given Ratzie looks like Palpatine…
The thread was already phallusy enough without my help.
@J. Morales:
Thanks for pointing out the difference. People usually don’t bring these things up because it’s snot polite dinner conversation.
RFWsays
I don’t know what the situation is today, but in medieval times a man could not become a priest if he lacked bodily intactitude. [Cripey, I sure phrased that badly!] In one of Sigrid Undset’s interminable novels set in medieval Norway, this is a plot mechanism: a son destined for the church loses a finger thereby kiboshing the plan.
And there are persistent (though probably false) rumors that the last step in electing a new pope is to have the cardinal electors verify that the pope-elect has two balls, by sitting him in a chair with a U-shaped seat, there to be fondled religiously. I hope they wear rubber gloves! [Does anyone make bright red disposable latex gloves? Is there a factory in Italy that does a special production run for every papal election?]
PS: Warning: Do not read Sigrid Undset’s interminable novels set in medieval Norway if you are prone to depression. Both “The Master of Hestiviken” and “Kristin Lavransdatter” are tales of people whose lives go off the rails over and over. The most humourless, least happy books ever written.
'Tis Himself says
Benny Ratzi and his predecessor, John Paul the Two Eyes, made it clear that the number one requirement to become a priest was being a penis-haver.
Akira MacKenzie says
“I am the penis-haver!”
It’s a lot funnier when you read it with an exaggerated German accent.
Sili says
*ahegm*
http://mattbors.com/archives/870.html
dianepatyjewicz says
Sent to my women friends.
We used to say that we didn’t have “nuts” and that is why we could not advance in the Catholic church.
Now I know we are “not a penis haver” and that is why we are the lowly peons in the church.
I left last year, I think it was one of the most important decisions of my life.
Trebuchet says
I read that as “penis-waver”. Even better that way!
jonnyscaramanga says
Clearly the best thing ever. I’m posting this everywhere.
Marcus Ranum says
When you look at Ratzi’s personal secretary, “penis haver” is good for an extra giggle or two.
'Tis Himself says
Marcus Ranum,
It’s not surprising Benny has a gorgeous personal secretary, Benny sets off a whole bunch of peoples’ gaydars.
F says
dianepatyjewicz, good for you. Isn’t it a relief?
-F(ormer Catholic)
ericdutton says
Thanks, Sili. Until you provided that link, I had thought that “bors” was supposed to be an onomatopoeia for the sound of a book slamming shut.
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach says
Could have sworn it read ‘penis-shaver’ the first time I saw it. It certainly doesn’t make any less sense as an argument for having The Authoriteh.
kemist, Dark Lord of the Sith says
In my head for some reason the accent was italian.
Especially the “shut your face” part.
I blame Family Guy.
IslandBrewer says
Whenever I read a quote from the current pedophile apologist, it makes me want to click my heels together and raise my arm.
Wait, does that count as Godwinning?
cag says
IslandBrewer #13, around these parts it is more like Godlosing. We shall have no Godwinning.
David Marjanović says
From the same site. Thanks, Sili.
nickterlizzi says
“I am the penis-haver” links to small.png
/supermature
McCthulhu - resentful that McHastur is taller. says
The cartoonists really captures the spirit of the demented little Hitler youth goblin that is Pope Fritz.
For the record, penis-having is highly overrated as far as actually giving you veto powers vs. a wife and daughter who aren’t superstitious twits.
McCthulhu - resentful that McHastur is taller. says
@Sili: Is ‘*ahegm*’ the more phlegmatic version of *ahem*? I guess having a bit more mucous rattling around the glottis does elicit more attention from the room.
shazibrahim says
Gays are Penis-Havers too.
I guess maybe the church wants gay men’s penises to be called something else (Civil Uniters, maybe?)
timberwoof says
shazibrahim, according to the Catholic church, gay men can have penises—just not use them.
Azuma Hazuki says
Hey, I’m a penis-haver too! It lives in my sockdrawer and is blue and eats batteries (and possibly dustbunnies too…?). So can I wave it around like a lightsaber? Will it go “wang, wang!” like a lightsaber does? This is especially appropriate given Ratzie looks like Palpatine…
ruteekatreya says
But Luke’s wangsaber was green…
Just_A_Lurker says
Ratzi’s must be red then.
McCthulhu - resentful that McHastur is taller. says
I waited and waited and nobody said it…
“I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!”
summerminor says
My friends and I play a game of rock-paper-scissors where penis trumps vagina. Now I know a new response to give while playing. LOL
Rolan le Gargéac says
summerminor @25
Shirley that is wrong ! A vagina can have as many penii as she wants ! Nibble they tiny heads off !
Winterwind says
@McCthulhu #18
A rare example of the phlegmatic fallacy?
John Morales says
[OT + meta]
Winterwind, more like well-done than rare.
—
OTOH, mucus is the noun, mucous the adjective
</pedant>
Drolfe says
[OT]
Azuma, Ruteekatreya,
Now, now, Luke’s lightsabers have been both blue and green! (And yellow if you include the Kenner action-figure of my youth.)
(This is going overboard, right?)
McCthulhu - resentful that McHastur is taller. says
@Winterwind:
The thread was already phallusy enough without my help.
@J. Morales:
Thanks for pointing out the difference. People usually don’t bring these things up because it’s snot polite dinner conversation.
RFW says
I don’t know what the situation is today, but in medieval times a man could not become a priest if he lacked bodily intactitude. [Cripey, I sure phrased that badly!] In one of Sigrid Undset’s interminable novels set in medieval Norway, this is a plot mechanism: a son destined for the church loses a finger thereby kiboshing the plan.
And there are persistent (though probably false) rumors that the last step in electing a new pope is to have the cardinal electors verify that the pope-elect has two balls, by sitting him in a chair with a U-shaped seat, there to be fondled religiously. I hope they wear rubber gloves! [Does anyone make bright red disposable latex gloves? Is there a factory in Italy that does a special production run for every papal election?]
PS: Warning: Do not read Sigrid Undset’s interminable novels set in medieval Norway if you are prone to depression. Both “The Master of Hestiviken” and “Kristin Lavransdatter” are tales of people whose lives go off the rails over and over. The most humourless, least happy books ever written.
PZ Myers says
Ya, it’s a Norwegian thing.
Didaktylos says
Time to update the infamous joke:
“Balls!” said the nun, “If I had them I could be Pope.”
“Nuts!” said the bishop, “I’ve got them and I’m not Pope yet.”
“Crap!” said the Pope, and all over the Vatican the priests dropped their trousers and squatted …
David Marjanović says
Day saved.
I don’t want to know.