May 04 2012

New merch in the Pharyngula store!

Oh, look, new tentacular stuff for sale! I quite like the tentacle arm.

Hey, wait a minute…that isn’t right. Idiots — they have the model wearing it on his arm. That’s completely wrong, everyone knows that the first thing every guy (and at least half the women) does when they get this baby is install it in their pants. The more modest will snake it down one pant leg with the tip coyly peeking out the cuff; the more flamboyant will wear it proudly erect, bobbing about as they strut around the room. (I’m trying to make the phallicarp fashionable again). Think of the fun you’ll have at parties!

OK, if that’s too outre for you, there is always the lovely travel mug. I use that one all the time. The giant tentacle is admittedly just for special occasions.


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  1. 1

    I thought it was a dildo, until I read the “3 feet long” caption. Too bad, I was already reaching for my wallet.

    Perhaps Pharyngula themed sex toys would bump your revenue?

  2. 2
    PZ Myers

    Oooh, good idea. Suggest it to Rebecca; she’s the mercantile czar.

  3. 3

    Sure. It’s exactly the kind of thing you’d want to wear in your slacks for the airport scanner. I dare you.

  4. 4

    Is it a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube tentacle?

  5. 5

    I’m holding out for a square metal lunchbox like I had as a kid, although if I could rig the tentacle to slowly self-inflate, I might buy it.

  6. 6
    Stephanie Zvan

    You walk around with a travel mug in your pants?

  7. 7
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    I’m so confused. Why is the tentacle on a pirate? A hook and a peg leg, sure, but a tentacle arm? Madness!

  8. 8

    … and a tentacle mustache. Now where’s the beard?

  9. 9

    I’ll bet you would get invited back to a lot of parties wearing this!

  10. 10

    Is that Maddox?

  11. 11

    Lends a whole new meaning to “new member of the crew.”

  12. 12

    @1 jaimebolaaos says:

    I thought it was a dildo, until I read the “3 feet long” caption.

    You have obviously led a sheltered life. At http://www.squarepegtoys.com/shop/depth-probe/ you will be enlightened by a 42″ long dildo. Admittedly, not phallic in shape, and only one inch thick, but still…

    Someone should write the proprietor and suggest he devise a long, slender dildo more or less realistically modeled on an octopoid tentacle. I’m sure he would be very happy with a wave of orders from bemused Pharyngulites. Close friends tell me that his “super soft” silicone formulation is extraordinarily soft and flexible, so such a device would be delightfully slithery.

  13. 13

    If I see anyone with this article in their pants, I shall treat them as the Queen treated Edmund Black Adder in the first season: Slap that “enormous nonsense” and stalk off, to the sound of reverb.

  14. 14


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