Hey, wait a minute…that isn’t right. Idiots — they have the model wearing it on his arm. That’s completely wrong, everyone knows that the first thing every guy (and at least half the women) does when they get this baby is install it in their pants. The more modest will snake it down one pant leg with the tip coyly peeking out the cuff; the more flamboyant will wear it proudly erect, bobbing about as they strut around the room. (I’m trying to make the phallicarp fashionable again). Think of the fun you’ll have at parties!
OK, if that’s too outre for you, there is always the lovely travel mug. I use that one all the time. The giant tentacle is admittedly just for special occasions.