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Oct 19 2011

Here’s what happens when you reconcile religion with “science”

You get mad raving nonsense.

In my opinion, Adam and Eve were born with a small organ attached to their appendix tube. An organ that produced stem cells which kept their perfect human body perpetually healthy and forever the equivalent age of thirty years old. In my opinion, this now missing human organ is the Tree Of Life depicted in the Bible’s book of Genesis; an organ that grew from a now missing 24th human chromosome in the human genome. To ‘take fruit’ from the Tree Of Life is to live forever… immortality.

As most of us know, Adam and Eve contaminated themselves by eating the forbidden fruit (cells) from the Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good And Bad. The forbidden fruit (cells) was the ingestion of cells, chromosomes, genes and DNA found in the flesh of mammals. This destroyed the 24th chromosome in Adam and Eve’s reproductive cells (sperm and egg), and also destroyed the Tree Of Life organ attached to their appendix tube. With the 24th chromosome gone from Adam’s sperm cells, and the 24th chromosome gone from Eve’s egg cells, hereditary immortality could not be passed on to their offspring, and hence, to all human beings thereafter. To ‘take fruit’ from the Tree Of The Knowledge Of Good And Bad is to positively die… mortality.

Most of us also know that God took a rib from Adam in order to build Eve. The rib was taken before Eve came into existence. The rib was taken before any kind of contamination to the human genome. The rib was human flesh, blood and bone; human cells, chromosomes, genes and DNA. The rib was made of human cells that have the 24th human chromosome that produces the Tree Of Life organ attached to the appendix tube. Adam’s rib cells are immortal human cells with 48 chromosomes (24 pairs), rather than our present 46 chromosomes (23 pairs).

My theories will also show you that Jesus was born from an uncontaminated rib cell. Jesus was born with a 24th pair of human chromosomes in his body cells, which produced the Tree Of Life organ attached to his appendix tube. Adam and Eve were born immortal (to begin with). Jesus was born immortal. My theories will show you that all human beings are destined to become immortal, after the ‘first’ death.

  • An opinion is not a sound foundation for a scientific hypothesis—or even a pseudoscientific one. Show me evidence.

  • There is no evidence of a magical small organ ever being attached to the end of the appendix.

  • We already produce small numbers of stem cells throughout life. They don’t confer immortality, nor is there any reason to expect they would.

  • A large collection of pluri- or toti-potent stem cells might have some advantages in enhancing regeneration. They’d have the disadvantage of also being a source of cancers.

  • Chromosomes don’t map to organs. Organs don’t grow from chromosomes.

  • Other apes do have 24 pairs of chromosomes. They aren’t immortal.

  • Eating fruit, or even magic fruit made of mammalian flesh, won’t selectively destroy a chromosome. And if it did, it wouldn’t have the mild consequence of knocking out an organ.

  • Where did Jesus’ mother get that uncontaminated rib cell?

  • 48 chromosome Jesus just confirms my hypothesis that Jesus was a chimpanzee. You can’t prove I’m wrong!

He goes on for many pages of absurd speculation. Did you know that when Doubting Thomas was poking around in Jesus’ wound, he was actually inspecting his appendicular organ?

(via Adam Rutherford)

80 comments

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  1. 1
    A3Kr0n

    “In my opinion, Adam and Eve were born with a small organ attached to their appendix tube.”
    Do you want me to read more?

  2. 2
    niftyatheist, perpetually threadrupt

    OMFGs. That is just jaw-dropping lunacy. Wow.

  3. 3
    Anthony K

    Do you want me to read more?

    I did. It’s really not necessary.

    So, did you send this on to the accommodationists, PZ? Are they jumping for joy at this marvelous reconciliation? Are they all full of back pats and attaboys for the writer?

  4. 4
    Rawnaeris, Lulu Cthulhu

    Yes, because I needed my head to explode at the beginning of the work day….

  5. 5
    Bodach

    That’s some ‘holy shit’ right there.

  6. 6
    Sara

    I’m sorry, what?

  7. 7
    Thomas

    This guy is fantastic.

  8. 8
    Human Ape

    48 chromosome Jesus just confirms my hypothesis that Jesus was a chimpanzee. You can’t prove I’m wrong!

    Most definitely Jeebus was an ape as are all humans. I frequently ask Christian tards “Why do you idiots worship a dead ape?”

  9. 9
    Gus Snarp

    And this is supposed to be more believable than the fact that there was some sort of ape species that began producing offspring with a mutation in which two of their chromosomes were fused at a point easily identifiable in modern human DNA, and that these offspring turned out to be rather successful, able to become persistence hunters, obtain more meat, and grow bigger brains, making them eventually perhaps the most successful reproducers among large mammals?

  10. 10
    Loqi

    More misunderstanding of the word “theory.” *groan*

    The 1 chromosome = 1 organ thing is amusing. No wonder modern humans only have 23 organs!

  11. 11
    Gus Snarp

    @A3Kr0n, @Brownian – It’s totally worth it, the real laughs don’t start until you get to how we “lost” our 24th chromosome by eating meat.

  12. 12
    scarina

    •Where did Jesus’ mother get that uncontaminated rib cell?
    Uhm, what did she do with it? 9.9

  13. 13
    Marge

    Some people with variants of Klinefelter’s Syndrome have 48 chromosomes (the extras are the sex chromosomes, so they’re either XXXY or XXYY). Immortality has not been noted as a side effect of this.

  14. 14
    dianepatyjewicz

    Went to catholic school for 12 years and I NEVER, EVER heard anything this bizarre.

    If this is the “truth” to this man, can you imagine what kind of stories he makes up to scare the truth into some one????

  15. 15
    rad_pumpkin

    Ah, well…okay then. Two quick questions if you don’t mind:
    1) What was the author on when he wrote this?
    2) Where might I obtain said substance?

  16. 16
    Sastra

    There are many approaches for “reconciling” science and religion.

    1.) Come up with examples of science confirming religious claims, so that religious beliefs are now reasonable conclusions.

    2.) Figure out ways to say that science hasn’t exactly contradicted a religious claim as long as it’s a miracle, so the claim’s still acceptable for a reasonable person.

    3.) Insist that religious claims can be accepted on lesser evidence than scientific evidence, so that a reasonable person can rely on personal testimony or interpretations of experience and not run afoul of science.

    4.) Remove religious claims from the category of ‘fact claims’ and treat them as if they were statements about meaning, morals, hope, identity, or matters of taste, so that scientific evidence has no bearing on the matter.

    5.) Go back and forth between the above strategies as needed, all the while insisting that you’re being perfectly consistent.

    I think most people go for that last one.

    The guy with the “theory” actually seems to be going for the first one. Thus there is a sort of strange integrity with pseudoscience. At least they’re bringing something to the table and not just preening themselves on having “faith.”

  17. 17
    jose

    “In my opinion, Adam and Eve were born”

    You opinion is wrong, they were never born.

  18. 18
    Aquaria

    I give it a .85 on the Time Cube Scale.

    His writing is much better than TC’s, and he’s nuts, but he’s kind of one-track.

  19. 19
    Bertybobby

    Starts with “in my opinion” – opinions are like arseholes or assholes if you like – everyone has got one but they shouldn’t be aired in public! This text proves why!

  20. 20
    Alverant

    Halloween is less than 2 weeks away. Maybe someone is celebrating early with a horror story?

  21. 21
    Megan

    The last bit there leads me to believe that the 24th pair of chromosomes is responsible for zombie plagues.

  22. 22
    NewEnglandBob

    Give this lunatic some peanut butter on his hands. It will probably occupy him for days, maybe even weeks.

  23. 23
    Ravi

    I ask only this to all such religious apologists(irrespective of the religion) : why didn’t the early texts just talk of chromosomes and cells and organs instead of trees and ribs and apples? Because Moses and the early prophets were retards?

  24. 24
    Yossarian

    I’m cracking the shit up, this guy is a genius.

    “I find the appendix tube fascinating. And the one and only explanation available to us so far is, “It’s evolution getting rid of something we don’t need anymore. It’s Darwin’s use and misuse theory.” I disagree.”

    Darwin’s use and misuse theory?

    NO NO NO

  25. 25
    Mr Ed

    Sure this isn’t some sort of parlor game. Given some sort of improbable story, Alice falling through a rabbit hole, Santa or Adam & Eve come up with a plausible explanation.

  26. 26
    Sastra

    No, looking it over this guy is probably going for a combination of #1 and #2 — a kind of gee-whiz version of maybe it could have happened THIS way so that science supports theism after all. It’s a strategy similar to the one pursued by those Christmas astronomers who say that the Star of Bethlehem could have been a supernova and there kinda was one at the time so science is confirming the Bible true.

    They don’t want to rest at “miracle.” But they can’t do straight science. So they try for a bizarre hybrid combo of science + miracle which deceives only those who want to be deceived.

    Fortunately for them, this includes most of the religious.

  27. 27
    macallan

    Where on earth do you find this sort of weapon grade stupid?

  28. 28
    Matt G

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

  29. 29
    Daz, when the wind's called Mariah I know a hawk from a handsaw

    Why would an all-powerful creator need to muck about like that? I’d think:
    “Magic word” … poof! … immortality!
    “Magic word” … poof! … mortality!

    … would do the trick. Not showin' much in the way of faith in your omnipotent god, there, old chap.

  30. 30
    Glen Davidson

    Finally, Intelligent Design begins to bear fruit. Bananas, even.

    Glen Davidson

  31. 31
    Gus Snarp

    This also reminds me of the kind of crap I came up with when I was fifteen and thought that my wild imaginings and brain droppings were actually brilliant insights that could revolutionize the world. Thankfully in those days all we had were diaries, which are difficult to distribute and easily burned, and not blogs and websites. So was this written by a fifteen year old?

  32. 32
    crusadeofrationality

    Why has it taken this long for the scientific community to discover this? Seems so obvious in retrospect (rolls eyes). I especially like the touch with the caption at the end…”Picture: Human Cell.” Really? Biology would have been so much simpler if all we had to know that the human body is made of “human cells.”

  33. 33
    Yossarian

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    Low hanging fruit? This is not even supposed to be a scientific rebuke, this is for fun.

    Also, do you mean fruit fruit or mammalian flesh fruit?

  34. 34
    Glodson

    It is interesting to read this stuff. Not because of what is written, but because of how that mind works. In a way, they go through a lot of effort to reconcile reality with religion. It must be exhausting.

    Not to mention that you have to hammer logic and reason into a mess of pulp to get it to work.

  35. 35
    Zinc Avenger

    In my opinion, the writer of this email was born with a small organ attached to his or her spinal column. An organ that produced thoughts which kept their mind inquiring and thinking at a level consistent with their mental development. In my opinion, this now missing human organ is the brain destroyed by the Bible’s book of Genesis.

  36. 36
    Moggie

    If people came from ribs, why are there still ribs?

  37. 37
    The Ys

    You know what else has the same number of chromosomes as humans?

    Olive trees.

    Therefore, olive trees are human too.

    SAVE THE OLIVES!!!

  38. 38
    Glen Davidson

    And why shouldn’t this be part of “teaching the controversy”?

    It’s only slightly more stupid than baptizing “CSI” as evidence of design, when it isn’t at all.

    Glen Davidson

  39. 39
    Sander Aarts

    He’s right that our ancestors once had 48 chromosomes ;)

  40. 40
    Avo, also nigelTheBold

    Matthew:

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    Why? Pretty much all apologetics is this stupid, with equal misuse of philosophy and/or science. It’s all about the disrespect of reality. The only question is, how blatant are they about the disrespect?

  41. 41
    Antee286

    This gives me ideas for an X-men/One piece crossover.

  42. 42
    Randomfactor

    Adam and Eve obviously ate from the forbidden pork-chop tree.

    But I wonder why all the OTHER people around at that time (AKA “the ones Cain was afraid of”) aren’t still around, not having had access to the pork-chop tree and so still having that 48th chromosome.

    Sounds to me like the Biblical god favored the wrong guys. But then, first-rate gods create first-rate people; second-rate gods create third-rate people.

  43. 43
    Glen Davidson

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    The actual question is, why doesn’t the “higher hanging fruit” go after these cretins? Why aren’t Dembski, Behe, and Wells attacking this nonsense, since it’s supposedly not the “serious stuff”?

    The fact is that this is all “Intelligent Design,” within the “Big Tent.” The IDiots don’t criticise it because it’s pious religious junk, and they hope to sell books to these bozos. They also don’t criticise it because it’s all hopeless garbage, and they don’t want to invite us to compare their own particular rubbish to the slightly worse garbage that they might criticise.

    There’s one other reason to go for this–because in one sense it is the “higher hanging fruit.” The guy isn’t “sophisticated enough” to be able to avoid any testable claims (although he seems to want to avoid them), hence he actually makes some, and thus is one sense “more scientific” than the buffoons at the DI.

    So really, why bother with the “higher hanging fruit”? It’s just designed to avoid any real semblance of science, although it strives mightily to baffle people with sciency terms and claims. The testable claims are more fun, and we can test them. That Behe et al. avoid attacking this junk in their “sophistication” means that it is left up to us to do, and ID shows what a crock it is by not pointing out how stupid even the dumbest creationist claptrap is.

    Real science opposes pseudoscience. ID doesn’t, and for a very good reason.

    Glen Davidson

  44. 44
    Species8472

    I think this guy too has an additional chromosome or three …

  45. 45
    Jaime

    Now this is just sad – at least there isn’t any apparent racism or antisemitism so typical of crackpottery. It’s just not fun – bring back the Triassic kraken with a penchant for self-portraiture!

  46. 46
    Larry

    I’ve read creation myths from Native Americans, Austrialian Aborigines, and other like peoples that offer more plausible explanations than this steaming pile of fundy shit.

  47. 47
    Timberwoof

    I’m sitting in the cafeteria at Infinite Loop waiting for the Steve Jobs memorial to begin. I read this and was mighty glad I had already finished my Odwalla fruit smoothie, else I’d have piped it through my nose tube at the screen.

    The opening phrase, “In my opinion, Adam and Eve…” was a dead giveaway that foolishness would follow. For more laughs I read through that drivel anyway. Just from the things I learned from reading this blog and related articles over the past few years, I could detect the balderdash it contained.

    Thanks, PZ.

  48. 48
    Glodson

    Glen Davidson said:

    The actual question is, why doesn’t the “higher hanging fruit” go after these cretins? Why aren’t Dembski, Behe, and Wells attacking this nonsense, since it’s supposedly not the “serious stuff”?

    It isn’t just that ID is a pseudo-science, it is even more fundamental than that. All those IDiots are concerned with is getting people to buy into their brand of magic.

    So, why not have some kooks out there shotgunning stupidity? It benefits them as it adds to people who oppose Evolution. It doesn’t matter that none of it makes sense. That’s not what is important. They want to peddle their ignorance, and stupidity like this only helps them. If they gave even the littlest shit about the truth, and science, then they would spend their time trying to debunk this brand of moronic posting.

    But if they gave even the littlest shit about the truth and science, they wouldn’t be IDiots.

    Kind of a creationist catch-22 there.

  49. 49
    savoy47

    The placebo effect will convince around 15% of the godbots. With the global reach of the Internet one could do OK with a 15% market share.

    One thing I didn’t pickup: Is he for or against stem cell research?

  50. 50
    Traveler

    Low hanging fruit, PZ

    Calling it any kind of fruit is being too generous. I’d say it’s more of a toadstool.

  51. 51
    Karellen
    Adam and Eve were born with [an] organ that produced stem cells which kept their perfect human body perpetually healthy and forever the equivalent age of thirty years old.

    We already produce small numbers of stem cells throughout life. They don’t confer immortality, nor is there any reason to expect they would.

    Maybe “stem cells” are a typo for “telomerase” ;-)

  52. 52
    Ig

    OFF TOPIC:

    PZ and ED, can you guys stop flooding my Facebook news feed with so many items?

    I count 22 items just today! It’s fucking ridiculous.

    I’m going to have to hide them if something isn’t done.

  53. 53
    WhiteHatLurker

    From the website:

    Any reluctance to read on at this point is perfectly understandable, because it certainly sounds like I am about to introduce you to some kind of religious belief. But nothing could be further from the truth. As I said earlier, I have no religious beliefs. God is the absolute first of all that lives in a universe, and thus, the giver of all subsequent life thereafter. The big bang theory is unarguably the beginning of the universe, but the beginning of the universe was, in my opinion, before God. The beginning of all LIFE in a universe is God.

    I think I’m going to be amused for a while … oh and he does note, as PZ did, chimpanzees have 48 chromosomes.

  54. 54
    KRD

    That is some powerful stupid, I must say. So sad, so so sad.

  55. 55
    dWhisper

    Well, if alcohol hasn’t killed off enough of my brain cells, this most certainly made up any ground. Seriously, my brain hurts after reading this. It tried to escape twice. I had to use duck tape to keep it in.

  56. 56
    Andy Breeden

    Pardon the self-promotion, but I like my take better.

    Andy

  57. 57
    Hamstur

    “46 & 2 are just ahead of me.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/46_and_2

    If Maynard says so, it must be true. Right?

  58. 58
    Amphiox

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    What higher hanging fruit?

  59. 59
    feralboy12

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    Somebody has to field those routine groundballs.

    It’s a strategy similar to the one pursued by those Christmas astronomers who say that the Star of Bethlehem could have been a supernova and there kinda was one at the time so science is confirming the Bible true.

    And the great thing about that is that it pisses off other Christians, who apparently feel like they’re getting debunked. I guess it removes the “miracle” tag.
    I’ve also heard that Jeebus didn’t die on the cross, but merely passed out from lack of oxygen due to his inability to expand his lungs while hanging there.

  60. 60
    Therrin

    When they “take fruit” from their Tubes of Life, did they eat their own or each other’s?

  61. 61
    Ing

    I’ve also heard that Jeebus didn’t die on the cross, but merely passed out from lack of oxygen due to his inability to expand his lungs while hanging there.

    Jesus was the 8th Doctor. His death via spear was not instantaneous because it only pierced one of his two hearts…thus he slowly bled out once buried and regenerated after being entombed.

  62. 62
    gworroll

    I suppose that could have happened. I don’t actually believe it for a moment, but just for the moment, assume it did happen that way.

    It reduces the Fall of Man to a simple biological action. It removes the agency of God meting out justice. It basically destroys every single reason God had for punishing people in the Old Testament, and wipes out the reason for Jesus’ sacrifice. The entire Bible post-creation becomes superfluous. God wasn’t warning about misconduct, but about a medical danger.

    If God punished you because you got sick, well that makes His actions in the Bible even more horrifically evil than they appear already.

    This guy really did not think this through.

  63. 63
    Qwerty

    I clicked on the link and there was a Ron Paul ad at the bottom of the page which also told me this guy is nuts.

  64. 64
    Coyotenose

    What?

    I’m sorry, let me rephrase that.

    …Huh?

  65. 65
    Anubis Bloodsin the third

    Like kiddies trying to make sense of the world and using naive and ignorant assumptions based on imagination and few impressive words gleaned from here and there.

    Very reminiscent of early whispered and giggled sex education from your peers that usually occur behind the bike sheds at school in the first year.
    Sad that this dumbfuck is supposed to be an adult, mind you most xians are that way handicapped anyway.

  66. 66
    Pierce R. Butler

    Ye scoffers, ye just haven’t kept up with the technical literature.

    It’s only recently been established that changes of opinion can change DNA.

  67. 67
    John K.

    While we are wildly making shit up, how can we explain the X-Men superpowers or Spider-Man’s web fluid?

  68. 68
    Ichthyic

    48 chromosome Jesus just confirms my hypothesis that Jesus was a chimpanzee. You can’t prove I’m wrong!

    Maybe Jesus was the hybrid child?

  69. 69
    Dodecalypse

    Man, mix science with the Bible and your result seems like a bad Evangelion type sci-fi.

  70. 70
    'Tis Himself

    Does this guy also believe there are four simultaneous days created within a single rotation of the Earth and the time-space continuum of the universe is shaped like a cube?

  71. 71
    latsot

    My rib is contaminated :(

  72. 72
    atheistaaron

    This is what happens when you mix pseudoscience, biblical lunacy, and LSD.

  73. 73
    Ichthyic

    Low hanging fruit, PZ – go after bigger fish. Or higher hanging fruit….

    not that the courtier’s reply hasn’t been done to death, but I’m sure if you spent 10 seconds searching, here or say on Jerry Coyne’s blog, you’d find more than enough examples of the frying of bigger fish to feed an army.

    In the end, the bigger fish mostly feed on the same stuff as the little ones.

  74. 74
    peterh

    Every so often PZ says, in effect, it can’t get any stupider than X, and shortly thereafter stupider than X, Y and Z appears. Infinite regress; it’s “stupider than…” all the way down. Falbbergastingly stupid.

  75. 75
    Mick

    Sounds like a recipe for appendix cancer which does not, I’m told, guarantee immortality!

  76. 76
    mikecline

    I like his thought process though, if you can’t do real citations, put lots of stuff in parenthesis.

  77. 77
    zuctor

    wtf?

  78. 78
    Captain Quirk

    Man, this even sounds lame as a sci-fi/fantasy premise.

    Pseudoscience: you’re doing it wrong.

  79. 79
    KingUber

    What’s really funny is that this is also Biblically incorrect – neither Adam nor Eve ever ate from the Tree of Life, in fact God said that if they did after they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil they would become gods themselves.

  80. 80
    Ing

    @Kinguber

    Specifically that they would “Become like *us*”, because the story is an artifact of polytheism.

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